The gentle rolling motion of the deck welcomed him back to his second home.
Sousuke watched as the new Mithril-modified EH101 helicopter took off, on its way to bring some other SRT member back to Da Danaan. He wished that it were flying him back to Tokyo, even though he had been back on board the TDD-1 for less than fifteen minutes.
Natural light gave way to man-made illumination, as the huge ponderous light doors of the submarine began to close. To Sousuke, at that moment, it almost felt as if the lid on a coffin was swinging down or the door to a jail cell was sliding shut.
Walking past a row of F-35X STOVL aircraft, he thought about Kaname. He wouldn’t tell her about that connection, as it would earn him a kick in the shins. But, he couldn’t help thinking about time. The aircraft had been built from the original plans for the Joint Strike Fighter, with significant additions made possible by Black Technology. There had been a number of heated debates about replacing the staunch if unspectacular Harrier-derivatives with a plane that wasn’t even slated to go into service with U.S. forces until 2008.
There were those that thought that the aircraft was being rushed into service way too soon. Why not take more time and see what warts the design might have, before making such a large commitment. Especially since the organization was in the process of rebuilding.
Staring at the racks of JDAM, JSOW, Paveway II, and AMRAAM weapons being wheeled out in preparation for the upcoming mission, Sousuke knew that his own story was quite the opposite. He had little time left with Kaname, and felt pressured to squeeze every bit of living into those days as was humanly possible. But, fate obviously didn’t see things the same way. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be headed to a briefing about the ongoing crisis in North Korea.
“Welcome back Sergeant!” One of the fighter pilots greeted Sousuke on the way to check out his plane.
“Godspeed…” Sousuke wished the man. He wondered what kind of life the other soldier had. Did he have a girlfriend somewhere? A wife? He sighed. Did he want all of that some day? Would he ever have it?
Making his way along the busy hangar area, Sousuke exchanged greeting with various people. There were many familiar faces, and no small number of new ones as well. He stopped and looked up, looking at one face in particular. At least, it looked like a face.
Crews were working on Arbalest. A large wheeled computer system was attached to the control panel by large high speed cables. Burly men operating well-worn equipment were in the process of arming the weapon systems.
Sousuke stared up at the ARX-7, feeling a rush of mixed emotions. If the stories he had heard from drunken crew members were true, many men lost their women to other men. Standing there, he almost felt as if Arbalest had stolen Kaname from him. He knew it was illogical. If anything, the A.S. had taken him away from Kaname.
Watching a number of soldiers tossing supplies aboard one of the Medium-lift helicopters, Sousuke thought back to that special night. Kaname had caught him entirely by surprise. That was a hard admission for a Specialist to make.
The way she had kissed him had started off different. It had been exciting, but he fought to maintain his composure. He had been so afraid that he would behave improperly and sour their relationship. There had been no reason to worry about that!
So much of the night was a blur. The way Kaname had pressed against him. The shock he felt when her tongue was in his mouth. The places where she had moved his hands. The noises that she made. The way that his needs grew. Her shirt coming off, followed by her bra. Fumbling at his pants. The awkwardness of that back seat.
He had been concerned that he was hurting her. He had been worried that the police might shine a light in her car. He had looked down, wishing more than anything that he could see her face. He had…
“Whooo-hoo-hoo-o-o-o-o, isn’t that a sight for sore eyes.” It was Kurz, walking over with Melissa.
“I always thought that your chasing after women was an act,” Melissa said, impugning her teammate’s manhood.
“I wasn’t looking at Sousuke, Babe.” Kurz was staring at Mao’s rear end. “Oooopppfff!”
Melissa rammed an elbow into Kurz’ gut. She didn’t have to turn around to guess what he was doing.
“Are… are you…” Kurz fought to speak with the air knocked out of him. “Are you just going to stand there and let her do that to me?” He struck one of his standard poses. “Just what kind of friend are you, Sousuke?”
“If he’s a smart one, he’d let you get what you deserve.” Melissa frowned. She’d kill for a cigarette, but there were reasons for the ‘No Smoking’ signs spread about the area, especially with the jet fighters being fueled.
Sousuke stood mute, almost feeling annoyed by his friend’s antics. He knew that wasn’t fair. At first, he had consistently ignored that kind of horseplay. More recently, he had actually begun to enjoy it.
“Hey! Somebody forget to put the batteries in this thing?” Kurz looked Sousuke up and down. “Where’s the damn ‘on’ switch?”
“Shut up, Weber!” Melissa reached over and picked up a large wrench used to work on the M9s. “Even a moron like you can guess why Sousuke might be upset.”
Kurz settled down some. “Angel?” He nodded his head. “Not too much time left, and you’re back here ready to see new lands and meet interesting people?” He leaned against a large Rescue Worker’s cart, hooking his leg indolently over a roiled up fire-retardant blanket.
“Yes.” Sousuke’s answer was terse and angry.
“Oh. What happened? You two have a big fight or something?” Melissa kicked Kurz’s leg, making him stand in a more dignified manner.
“No.” Sousuke began walking again. He really didn’t want to talk about things right then.
“Whoa! Wait up, man…” Kurz hurried to keep up. “Look on the bright side. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. When you get back, she’ll probably grab you and drag you into the sack. Oh yeh!”
The usually sure-footed Sousuke stumbled ever so slightly as he made his way into the relatively narrow corridors of the sub.
“Maybe she already has…” Melissa’s shrewd guess was right on target. Sousuke came close to running into an open door.
“No way! ” Kurz said laughing. He stopped. “Sousuke?”
“I will admit to nothing of the sort.” Sousuke felt a need to defend Kaname’s honor. He was also in no mood to have such a seminal event dragged through the mud for his companions’ amusement.
“Come on Sousuke. It’s us.” Melissa hurried to walk stride by stride with her youngest subordinate. She cursed when Kurz bulled his way past her, stopping in front of them both.
“Look at his face, Sis. He did the deed.” Kurz’ face blossomed with a huge smile, his eyes full of life. “Sousuke Sagara did the deed.”
“Shut up, you asshole!” Melissa growled. “Keep it down. If Tessa hears…”
“If Tessa hears what?”
Everyone turned around. Teletha Testarossa had just stepped out of the Woman’s wash room.
Sousuke froze.
“You’ll never guess… owwwwww.” Kurz went head first into the wall, dislodging a fire extinguisher.
“It’s no big thing, jackass,” Melissa spat out at Kurz. Looking at Tessa, she spoke in a more respectful tone of voice, even as she lied through her teeth. “So I almost walked into the hangar bay with a cigarette in my mouth. I forgot. So sue me.” Her voice dropped an octave. “There are more dangerous things.” That last statement was definitely for Kurz’ benefit.
“Melissa!” Tessa looked aghast. “This isn’t the first time.” She looked at her friend’s face, wondering if something else was up. But, Lt. Mao didn’t have her “I’m putting up a front and will tell you later’ face on. She turned to Sousuke and smiled. “How’s Kaname?”
Sousuke almost tripped again. Melissa smiled. Kurz immediately grabbed the opportunity to make Sousuke sweat.
“I bet she’s r-e-a-l fine,” the sharpshooter said, stepping out of Mao’s reach. “Right, Sousuke? I also bet that she’s loud. Angel’s always been a bit on the vocal side.”
Tessa gave Kurz a quizzical look.
“Kaname is indeed fine,” Sousuke said. “She is doing as well as one might expect, considering she will be leaving her home land soon. He was grateful that his voice hadn’t cracked.
“I suppose it must all be hard on her,” Tessa commiserated.
“Funny that you should mention hard on… shit that hurts!” Kurz doubled over in pain. Melissa had a rather satisfied look on her face.
“Like you, Kaname is a strong person. She too will do what she must.” Sousuke said, adding “Shouldn’t we all be headed to the briefing room now?” He walked along with Tessa, who didn’t notice that Melissa was blocking Kurz’ way.
If one were to view the dent in the side of the fire extinguisher, he or she might expect that Kurz Weber would tone things down a bit. They would be wrong. When he and Melissa joined Sousuke at the back of the meeting room, the lanky blonde was as full of life as ever.
“Sousuke my friend, you’re an inspiration to men everywhere.” Kurz grinned.
“I do not see why you are making such a big deal over things. Nothing has truly changed.” Sousuke looked straight ahead. Lt. Mardukas and Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin had joined Tessa at the head of the room.
“Sousuke… Sousuke… Sousuke…” Kurz leaned back in his chair, carefree and in love with his life. “Listen to me. EVERYTHING has changed. No matter what you might think, nothing will be the same between you and Kaname.”
”Shhhh!” Melissa tried to quiet Kurz without drawing to much attention to them all.
“Anytime you look at Kaname, you’ll be thinking ‘We had sex!’ No matter what the two of you might be doing.” Kurz grinned when a number of guys turned around to look at Sousuke.
“Uhhh…” Sousuke swallowed hard.
“Kurz, shut your f-cking trap!” Melissa spoke in a stage whisper.
“It might be next week. It might be four years from now. It might be when you’re sixty years old.” Kurz smiled. “Anytime you look at Angel, you’ll be thinking ‘We had sex!’”
“KURZ!”
Melissa closed her eyes and promised to kill her teammate later. Her shout would draw someone’s attention.
“Lt. Mao, is the something we need to know about?” Kalinin looked in Melissa’s direction.
Kurz nodded his head.
“If there is, perhaps you can come up front and tell it to all of us.” The Lt. Commander did not look amused.
Kurz began to stand up. He yelped. Sousuke had his combat knife out. The tip was sharp!
“It is nothing. I apologize, Sir!” Melissa sat back down when her commanding officer gave her leave.
Things calmed down after that. During the middle of the briefing, after the SRT’s role had been described in detail, Melissa leaned over to speak to Sousuke. “You’ve got to do something special.”
“Huh?” Sousuke looked puzzled.
“You need to make a statement. You need to show Kaname that you care. You need to show her that you still respect her.” Melissa said.
“I do not understand…” Sousuke had no idea what Melissa was getting at.
“You should write her a letter. You should send her flowers.” Melissa’s look was intense.
“You should visit an Adult Book Shop. Get her some nice videos. Maybe some interesting new toys…” Kurz stopped. It was Mao’s knife pricking him this time.
“Sousuke…” Melissa sounded very stern.
“Affirmative.”
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Tears fell on the paper, making growing circles of displaced ink.
Kaname put Sousuke’s letter down. It was the most wonderful thing that she had ever read. There was no way that she could guess that a stupid peace of paper could make her feel this way.
The big idiot had asked the crew of a transport helicopter to bring the letter to Tokyo when they came. He had written it before he head to head out on his mission. His words were somewhat clumsy, but the emotions had been real enough to touch.
“Sousuke….”
A few moments later, Ayame came scampering into the room, excited. “Ka-na-may-y-y-y-…. The tickets to America came today….”
“Oh, Ayame? What?” Kaname wiped her eyes.
“It’s the tickets,” Ayame said. She looked at her sister’s face, and then at her desk top. There was an opened letter there. “The plane tickets for New York City.”
“OK.” Kaname’s total lack of anything resembling enthusiasm had Ayame perturbed. “What’s that over there? A letter? From Sousuke?” She ran over to see.
“Leave it alone! ” Kaname snapped at her sister. “Oh. Sorry. I’m just not in the mood right now.” She sighed. “The letter’s personal.” Looking over at Ayame, she realized that she might do well to hide the letter away somewhere.
“I wonder of he’ll get back before we have to leave?” Ayame asked. She flopped onto Kaname’s bed and grabbed hold of Bonta-kun, hugging the worn plush doll to her tightly. “I hope so.”
“Me too,” Kaname said sadly. “He should. If he’s OK.” She nearly crumpled the letter accidentally when she clenched her fist. Sousuke’s missions always left her innards tied in a knot. “We still have a few weeks.”
“I can’t wait to show you around the city again. I know it better than you do, now!” Ayame put her hands behind her head, laying back on the pillows. She began chattering happily about the things that she missed at home.
Ayame rambled on for a fair amount of time. Kaname found the words going in one ear and out the other. She never gave more than a sentence or two in response. At some point, when she looked up, her sister was gone.
When dinner time rolled around, Kaname was still in her room. A number of pieces of paper were speared about her desk, and crumpled up wads filled the trash bin. She had tried to write a suitable letter to Sousuke, but just couldn’t find the perfect words.
“Kaname, it’s time to eat.” Shunya walked into Kaname’s room. “It’s one of your favorites. “Teppanyaki. Good Kobe beef. You won’t have to worry about the price of meat like that when you’re in America.”
“Thank you, Daddy. But, I’m not hungry.” Kaname looked outside of her window. She could see Sousuke’s apartment building from her vantage point. Sighing, she thought about her old apartment, and the time that she had spent there.
“You need to eat something. You skipped lunch and barely touched your breakfast.” Shunya followed his daughter’s gaze. He took in the clutter on her desk, and the large number of crumpled paper wads that missed the garbage can. “I’m certain that the boy will be OK.”
“His name is Sousuke,” Kaname responded, absentmindedly, not purposely trying to be a smartass.
“I’m well aware of that, Kaname Chidori.” Shunya frowned. He had taken to referring to Sousuke as ‘that boy’ after Kaname told him about her intimate encounter. He had tried to be understanding, but didn’t want to foster any illusion of continuity with his daughter. Her leaving Japan was going to be difficult enough as it was. “Now, come join your family.”
”Isn’t that what I’m doing?” Kaname said, looking askance at the new luggage that her father had brought home to her earlier that afternoon. That time she was being blunt. “Maybe I shouldn’t go, you know? If Mithril still has reason to exist, then that means there are plenty of crazies still running around.”
“You’re going. You gave your word.” Shunya frowned. “This is a wonderful opportunity for your education. It will be a great opportunity for you and your family. We’ve already talked about safety issues. I will take care of that.”
“But Daddy, what if it was you, when you were my age? What if it was the daughter of one of your friends?” Kaname brought up a good point, knowing in her heart that she was speaking from an entirely different motive. “Would you want to put your family at that kind of risk? Would you be comfortable telling your friend to do the same?”
“Families stick together in times of trouble.” Shunya’s voice was very firm. “I would have done whatever my father instructed me to do, no matter what my personal feelings were.” His voice softened. “I really think that is best for you. In time, I’m certain that you will see things the same way.”
“It just doesn’t feel right to me. I appreciate the gift, but I really don’t have the right luggage. And…”
”Kaname.” Shunya’s voice snapped like a whip. “This is nonsense. Let’s stop this right now. You are thinking with your heart, not your head. The last time you moved to America, you screamed and cried and locked yourself I you room. When the time came to return to Japan, you didn’t want to leave.”
“But Daddy….”
“I knew that I shouldn’t have allowed you to see too much of that boy. You are making things more difficult for yourself. You are also making things more difficult to me.” Shunya put his hands behind his back. “Perhaps I should have done this earlier.”
”What….”
“I do not want you to see Sousuke any more, Kaname. When he gets back, I want you to say your good byes, and let him know that you will be too busy preparing for your move.” Shunya watched as Kaname clutched a letter to her chest.
“Daddy, this isn’t fair. Why are you doing this? Is it because of the other morning?” Kaname wanted to scream. “I love him!”
“Really? Is this your first love?” Shunya remembered what his guest had talked about at dinner the other night. He didn’t want to come across as harsh or unfeeling, but he had to put things in perspective for his daughter. “Listen to me. I know that the two of you have been through a lot together. Recently, you shared the kind of moments that make it difficult to see the truth. But, what would the two of you have together once the danger ended, now that your shared experiences at High school are done?”
“Sousuke… he…”
“What happens after the excitement wears off, Kaname? What…” He paused. “Ayame, back to the kitchen, or to your room…” Shunya didn’t need to turn. He heard his youngest child’s footsteps moving way. “What will the two of you have to talk about? What will you have in common?”
”But, Daddy…”
“Kaname, you will be part of an international community at a high caliber prestigious University. He will be lugging a gun around shooting people.” Shunya hoped that his daughter would see his point. The logic was unassailable. “It will be kindest to Sousuke if you break up with him when he gets back.”
“I can’t believe this. This is a nightmare.” Kaname shook her head.
“You owe it to yourself to get on board the airplane with no attachments, no strings.” Shunya placed his hand on Kanam’es shoulder and squeezed. “You’ve been through a lot of change I your life, pumpkin. Things would change, no matter where you went to college. People change. You will change.”
“I know, Daddy. Sousuke and I talked about that kind of thing.” Kaname hung her head. “I can’t believe that you are asking me to reject him.” Kaname’s own issues with rejection and abandonment were having their say.
“Kaname, I’m not asking you to simply forget him, or to break of all ties with him. It’s only natural that the two of you will continue to care about one another. There is no reason that you can’t write to him or speak to him on the phone sometimes.”
“But I love him…”
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It would be hard to tell who was more shocked, Kaname or Sousuke.
As the rotor noise of the cloaked helicopter increased in volume, Sousuke had thrown his large duffel bag aside and run to where she waited, lifting her off the ground in a fierce hug.
Dust and light debris danced around hem, as the Mithril aircraft made its way skyward. Kaname pulled a few dried leaves out of her hair when Sousuke finally released his hold on her.
“I’m glad… I’m glad to see you’re safe… Sousuke…” Kaname was truly happy about that. But, her heart weighed very heavy on her.
“Yes, I am too.” Sousuke looked somehwhat shy for a moment. “I sent you a letter. I hope they remembered to deliver it to you.”
“They did.” Kaname had the letter in her purse.
“Really?” Sousuke looked at Kaname’s face, a look of anticipation on his face. Hewasn’t certain why he was feeling the way he did, but Kaname’s reaction would be very important to him.
“Uh huh. It was wonderful.” Kaname swallowed hard. She fought to hold back tears. This was going to be so hard, for the both of them. Sousuke’s reactions were not making things any easier.
“I… I have never written a letter like that before…” Sousuke said.
“It was wonderful,” Kaname repeated, not knowing what else to say.
“There were… uhhh… there were things that I wanted to tell you. I wasn’t certain how one should say such things. I did the best that I could. However… I was not able to… there was something else that I wanted to tell you…” Sousuke looked very intense. He was pressured to speak. One thing had been on his mind during the entire flight back.
“You… we… we don’t have to say it.” Kaname looked away from Sousuke.
“Kaname? How do you know what I have to tell you?” Sousuke rubbed the back of his neck. He stopped, standing straight with his hands at his sides.
“I’m not sure what you are going to say, Sousuke… but I think that…” Kaname’s throat felt like it was closing up. She couldn’t hgelp herself. She had to look at Sousuke’s face.
“I was just going to tell you that I love you, Kaname. There. I have said it.” Sousuke looked relieved. It was almost as if he was afraid that he would burst into flame or turn into a pillar of salt.
“Yes. I see. Maybe we shouldn’t be putting things on this level.” Kaname wanted to pull her hair out. That was exactly the level she wanted to put things at.
“What? It is a good level, is it not?” Sousuke looked hurt. Kaname’s response was definitely what he had expected, or what he had wanted.
“Sousuke… I… how can I look at you and say this?” Kaname clenched her fists. She bumped one against her hip.
“Say what?” Sousuke leaned over to kiss Kaname. He frowned when she moved her face away.
“It’s… I… we probably shouldn’t see each other any more.” That had been harder for Kaname to say than Sousuke’s profession of love had been for him.
“But… Kaname… what is wrong…”
“I really need to get ready for my move Sousuke. There is so much to do. I’ve received an advanced syllabus, and should start studying some, too.” Kaname hated to lie. She especially hated lying to Sousuke like this. Everything sounded so lame. But, no matter how long she had thought about things, she couldn’t find the right words for this.
“You need to study?” Sousuke looked dumbstruck.
“Yes, I do.” Kaname said.
“I see. How much time do you need? I know… it is no surprise that you will be leaving soon… it’s just that…” Sousuke looked flustered. That was something that Kaname hadn’t seen for a while.
“Uh huh.”
“Well. I suppose it is good to know this.” Sousuke’s face fell.
The sight almost broke Kaname’s heart into even smaller pieces. But she had promised her father to do this. “Yeh.”
“Kaname. What did we just decide?” Sousuke asked.
“We decided...” Kaname couldn’t get the words out.
“I am worried, Kaname. It sounds like this is the last I will see of you. I had thought…” Sousuke ran a hand through his hair. There were still a few small flecks of dried blood there, even after a shower.
“I’m sorry, Sousuke.” Kaname’s voice cracked. “We can still be friends, can’t we?”
“Yes… but if I am your friend… why will you…”
“This is best, Sousuke.” Kaname wished that she could believe those words.
“I… you have had time to think…” Sousuke nodded his head. “Perhaps you have decided that I am a jerk and a moron after all.” He looked down at his feet. “I allowed you to compromise your honor that night.”
“No…”
“I should not have given in. I have shamed you. You must really think poorly of me. Especially after I had always promised to protect you.” Sousuke opened and closed his hand. His hair was blown about bys strong gusts of wind. The swirling dust and dirt was not the casuse of his closing his eyes.
“Sousuke, no! Don’t say that. We shared the most intimate thing that two people can share.” Kaname held her hands out for a moment, and then brought them back to her side.
“You shared them with a weak man, Kaname.” Sousuke looked over at his bag. “Perhaps I should not have come back.”
“I shared myself with the man that means the most to me, Sousuke.” Kaname had to put the brakes on. If she didn’t, she’d break down and run to him. “And I’m glad you came back. I have so much to thank you for.”
“It is not necessary, Kaname. I did my duty. Later, I followed my heart.” Sousuke looked away.
“Thank you, Sousuke.”
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Getting into her car, Kaname began sobbing.
Tears streamed down her cheeks. She put her face in her hands, but her the wracking shake of her body wouldn’t stop.
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The sun had begun setting hours ago. Sousuke walked alone, his bag nestled against his back. He was walking nowhere in particular. He simply felt the need to walk.
For the first time that he could remember, he had been crying.
[FIC] Endings and Beginnings (part 9)
Moderators: KiLlEr, HELLFIRE, Taurec
