[FIC] Bad Hair Day

[dd]

The classroom was still crowded.

Usually, during break period, the last place that any of the students wanted to be was in class; especially on a beautiful day like today.

There was a debate going on. No, ‘argument’ better fit the situation, especially since only two people were involved, with everyone else acting as spectators. As long as there were no guns are grenades in plain sight, the murmuring crowd felt safe enough to stay.

If someone were to guess that Sousuke Sagara was involved, they’d be correct. That was always a good guess. But, if the same person wagered that Kaname Chidori was the other participant, they would lose their bet. Furthermore, it would take a clairvoyant to accurately predict the topic of contention.

“My line of reasoning is appropriate,” Sousuke claimed. He held a colorful piece of paper marked ‘Official ADV Profile,’ and bearing Kaname’s name. “The people who produced this document are professionals…. specialists in their line of work.” He sounded as if there was no way that anyone could possibly contradict him. “If you cannot trust your own eyes… you should believe them….”

“He’s got a good point,” Shinji put in, before being shushed by Maya and Ryo.

“If they’re wrong about the color choice for the anime….” Kyouko shrugged. “…Then anything that they write down about it could be wrong, too.” She fought the urge to grin. If she gave her opponent any reason to suspect she was yanking his chain, he'd stiffen up and end things immediately.

“You go girl!” Ono-D gave Kyouko a ‘V’ sign.

“You’re just siding with her because you haven’t forgiven Sousuke yet.” Mizuke stood with her hands on her hips, turning her nose up at Ono-D. As usual, she had an inherent… if not genetic… need to be angry at someone. Anyone.

“I bet there's another reason,” a girl stated. “Ono’s been very attentive to Kyouko… but he started doing that before she was injured….” She smiled, even though her own memory of the Full Monty Bacteria incident was far from pleasant. “He was the one who drank that ‘thermos.’ She was there with him when his… and her… clothing disintegrated….” That brought a lot of whispers, smirks, and raised eyebrows.

Ono-D began a loud rebuttal. Kyouko turned pink all over. Maya and Ryo sighed and shook their heads. A series of gunshots silenced the mob. Everyone jumped or ducked to dodge rubber bullets on the rebound. A few decided that it might be nice to get some fresh air after all.

“We will not arrive at the proper conclusion in this fashion,” Sousuke asserted. He had placed his Glock on the desk in front of him. That had everyone zipping their lips for the moment. “I will continue. Miss Tokiwa … Kyouko… would you agree that Kaname’s height is 166 centimeters… her weight 50 kilograms… and her place of birth Tokyo, Japan?” He pointed at the paper.

“Yes,” Kyouko answered, nodding her head. She took out her camera and took a picture of Sousuke brandishing his evidence.

“And, isn’t it true that Kaname is a member of the softball club….” Souuske pointed to another printed fact. “Her special skill is cooking. Her weakest subject is Geography….”

“That’s right,” one boy piped up. “Remember how she once thought that Geneva was the capitol of Brazil?” That had everyone chuckling. "Geneva!" A number of people snorted. Sousuke did not reach for his gun, as the response supported his view.

“This data would also appear to be precise and correct,” Sousuke said, reading from the document. “April, 2001 - Enters Tokyo Jindai Public High School. March, 2001 - Kaname's father and sister move to New York, USA. August, 1998 - Kaname's mother, Shizu, dies of cancer. July, 1998 - three days house detention for malicious damage to school property….”

“Ohhh-hh-h….” Mizuke actually grinned. “So… Little Miss Perfect isn’t so perfect after all.” She rubbed her hands together, wondering how that bit of choice information might prove useful down the road.

“Kaname’s going to kill him when she finds out,” Maya said.

“The more things change..."” Ryo observed. "The more they stay the same." She ran a hand through her hair. "I don’t know why anyone of us expected anything different.” That brought a concerted sigh from the onlookers.

“Uhhh-hh-h….” Sousuke had that ‘deer-in-a-headlight’ look for a moment, before resuming his argument. “May, 1998 - Returns to Tokyo with family and enters local junior high school. October, 1996 - Wins second place in Orange County track and field tournament. August, 1994 - Moves to suburban New York, USA with family. July, 1993 - Wins 1st place in junior swimming competition, Chofu, Tokyo. May, 1992 - Runs away from home. Registered as missing at Izumigawa Police Department. Located and returned home the following day.”

“Well… well… well….” Mizuke practically preened. “So she’s a runaway, too. Think of that.” Things were getting better and better. Sometimes it wasn't so bad, being a side character.

“Sousuke,” Ono made a face. “Could you do us all a favor and shoot Mizuke?” It took a lot to make him say that, seeing how much he hated weapons and violence after Amalgam’s attack on Tokyo. A number of people comment on just that point, but he shrugged off their commentary. He had made his joke at Mizuke's expense, because the girl annoyed him no end. But, he was also curious about how his scar-faced mercenary friend might respond.

“…” Sousuke sat in quiet contemplation, looking down at the gun and then over at Mizuke. His hand moved closer to the pistol. His fingers twitched. He swallowed hard and mumbled under his breath.

“Now would be the perfect time for Kaname to burst into the room,” Shinji remarked. “She’d clobber him something fierce… trying to make a point that violence is bad….” That remark had a number of people smiling at the irony.

“No,” Maya disagreed. “She would only smack him if he was about to shoot… or had just shot… or verbally suggested that he could shoot….” She looked at Mizuke. “I suppose we could do a little experiment to find out….” She smiled when the other girl narrowed her eyes and clenched her fists.

“But… I didn’t see Kaname in school today….” Ryo looked over at Sousuke, wondering if he might develop a sweat drop or run out of the room, knocking desks over like ten pins. He didn’t. So, he had improved some after all! “That isn’t like her one bit….”

”I do not know where she is,” Sousuke said, correctly guessing the unspoken question. “She refused to tell me. It has something to do with a surprise, I believe.” He pushed the gun further from him. “This conversation merely serves as a digression. Everything I have stated up to this moment is true, is it not?”

“Yes,” Kyouko admitted. “It is.”

“We should be as complete as possible,” Sousuke stated. “One should not stop half-way through a mission.” He took up the paper again, ignoring the groans that followed his use of the word ‘mission’. “Shunya Chidori, Kaname's father, is the High Commissioner on Environment Issues at the United Nations. Kaname is in good health and has a high level of physical fitness… very athletic. She has low blood pressure and does not do mornings well. Her academic performance is average. She is a late bloomer when it comes to love and romance. And she was originally considered the No.1 idol, with nobody wanting her as his own girlfriend.”

That last comment had the guys in the room nodding their heads vehemently. The girls gave each other a conspirative wink. That would be another thing they would accidentally mention in front of Kaname.

“That’s the only reason someone like Sousuke had a chance at her,” Mizuke said, making a snooty sniffing noise and fluffing her hair. She still hadn’t forgiven the young mercenary for the kiss he had stolen from her.

“Should I mention Shirai?” That was Shinj asking. The bespectacled boy felt compelled to stand up for his friend. His sudden bravery evaporated when he saw the look in Mizuke’s eyes. It actually looked like there was fire burning there!

“There is only one thing left here,” Sousuke said, taking a marker in hand. He circled an entry on the data sheet. “As the former facts were true….” He handed the paper to the boy nearest to him, telling him to act as an impartial witness.

“It says ‘Distinguishing Feature’,” the boy said. “Followed by ‘Long blue hair reaching to her waist’.” He handed the paper back to Sousuke, who then slid it along the desk top to Kyouko. He folded his arms across his chest, as if he had just won the confrontation.

“Did you read the novels,” Kyouko asked in a faux-innocent tone of voice.

“No… I did not….” Sousuke looked a bit sheepish. For a moment, he felt as if he had performed some important duty in a substandard manner or had fallen asleep during a mission briefing. “I only assumed….” He was about to say ‘Since I am in them, I should know what happens there.’ But, Kyouko was in them, too. So were some of the others in the classroom.

“She has black hair in the manga.” Kyouko smiled a pretty smile. She took another picture of Sousuke’s face. "And the written work preceded the anime." She ran a finger over her treasured camera. "Aren't earlier things canon?"

“Aha!” Ono-D looked ready to crow. He held out a hand for Kyouko to slap. “We... have... a... winner!”

“Not so fast,” a girl said. “The manga was drawn in black and white. The artist may have been forced to use black ink to represent blue hair.”

“But….” Kyouko checked the last photos she had taken with her digital camera. They were all keepers. “What if the novels say she has black hair….” No one there but her had actually seen the original books. That was just as well, since the cover art was at odds with the author's description.

“That….” Sousuke began to sweat. He almost felt as if Commander Mardukas was in the room, watching his performance. “If it….”

“I mean, it’s really not all that uncommon for people to change things in the anime, right?” Kyouko pushed forward with her line of reasoning. “Take the CLAMP story Gakuen Tanteidan. Nagisa is described as having blonde hair in the manga; but, in the anime it's actually purple.”

“That is an old series,” Sousuke claimed, feeling his confidence come back. “No one cares much about that!” He ran his finger around the rim of the desk. “You will need to do more than reference other stories.”

“Hmmm-mm-m….” Kyouko tugged at her pigtails. “Then… I guess… I’ll call Sousuke Sagara to the stand.” She smiled, pretending she was a prosecuting attorney. “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”

“What?” Sousuke had no idea where his adversary was going with things. That left him very uncomfortable. Just how much mission planning had the girl done? Had he missed some important point?

“Remember the time at the beach,” Kyouko asked. “When we were playing the watermelon game with blindfolds….” She flipped through her camera images and held the viewscreen up for Sousuke to see. “You used a shotgun… and Kaname ended up covered with red pulp….”

“Who could forget that?” Shinji thought back to that memorable day, much the way that everyone else there did.

“That’s right,” Maya said, reminiscing. “Kaname had spent a lot of trouble picking out a new white bikini.”

“And someone didn’t even bother to notice,” Ryo added, rolling her eyes. “That’s why she went off in a huff, and ended up drinking tea with a total stranger.”

“Exactly,” Kyouko said. “Fumoffu 3, I believe. You went looking for her, Sousuke. But first, you questioned everybody on the beach, asking if they had seen anyone matching her description.” She had a picture of the young soldier doing just that. ”You mentioned her weight… her height… the way her nails looked… and even her hair ribbon. But… interestingly enough… you made no mention of her hair color….”

“And that should have been the most obvious thing,” Ono put in, acting as Doctor Watson to Kyouko’s Sherlock Holmes.

“I….” Sousuke’s memory wasn’t precise enough to refute Kyouko’s line of reasoning.

“So… why didn’t you ask about a blue-haired girl, Sousuke?” Kyouku stood up and began pacing for effect. “No one else on the beach had blue hair. Blue hair would make Kaname very easy to spot.” She pushed her glasses further up her nose. Naturally, it was only circumstantial evidence; but, high profile court cases had been won on less than that! The flaw in her logic should be painfully obvious, since she was talking about events in the anime. She just liked to see Sousuke get flustered.

“Duh duh duhhhh-hhh-hh-h….” Ono patted Kyouko on the back, as if she had proven her point with no room for doubt.

“Wait a minute.” Sousuke suddenly looked in complete control again. “I always carry this with me. It would serve as a ready DNA source, should I have need of such a thing.” He took a small sealed plastic bag out of his pocket and unrolled it. “Kaname’s hair.” He asked one of the students to get a color wheel from the art room. When he subsequently had the desired object in hand, he placed it down on the desk. He took out the hair clipping and placed it on the blue paint swatches. “Read this.”

“Blue,” the helpful student said, looking at the periphery of the color wheel.

“I rest my case,” Sousuke said smugly. That smug smile earned him another flash of light in his eyes, leaving him blinking.

“You didn’t make this argument in the novel,” Kyouko said, trying to muddy the water, putting camera down again. There wasn't a scene like this outside of fan-fiction. “And… you have some hair… so what….” She began thinking ahead. There was another thing she could do that would leave Sousuke tied in knots. Wonderful! Her 'Inner Kyouko' began clapping her hands in triumph.

“This is all kind of silly,” one girl said to another. “I mean… the two of them are arguing about what is and what isn’t reality.” She shrugged.

“It’s worse than that,” her friend said. “They’re breaking the fourth wall.”

“Huh?” One boy scratched his head. He obviously had no idea what that reference meant.

“The fourth wall is the imaginary invisible wall at the front of the stage in a proscenium theater, through which the audience sees the action in the world of the play.” The one girl looked pained to have to explain something so obvious. “The concept has been around since before Shakespeare. The actual phrase itself is presumed to have originated in nineteenth century theatre with the advent of theatrical realism.”

"Theatrical whatsythehell?" Another boy stopped picking his nose.

“Think of it as an invisible screen that forever separates the audience from the stage,” the other girl said, ignoring the posterboy for classroom hygeine. “The term ‘breaking the fourth wall’ means that a character is showing his or her awareness of the audience.” She listed a number of movies, manga, and anime that had characters doing just that.

“That’s all very nice,” Maya remarked. “But could we get back to the action part.”

“Right,” Ryo said, seconding her friend. “Some people don’t like long-winded explanations and things in their stories.”

“Where did they leave off?"Shinji looked cross-eyed. He was suffering from information overload.

“I had just said ‘You didn’t make this argument in the novel. And… you have some hair… so what….’” Kyouko felt a growing sense of anticipation.

“Are you saying you do not trust me?" Sousuke asked. “You think I may have taken this hair sample from someone other than Kaname?”

“No,” Kyouko answered. “But, let's say for the sake of argument that her hair looks blue to you….” She coughed in lady-like fashion, blusjing ever so faintly. Sure, the trick would be far more risqué than anything she might normally attempt; but, it wasn’t some kind of crime to OOC now and again, was it? “Who’s to say that she didn’t dye her black hair to blue.” She coughed again. “I suppose there is one way you could be sure. I mean… you and Kaname have started to date and all….”

“Way?” Sousuke couldn’t fathom what the girl meant. “What way are you referring to?” Mithril had a lot of Black Technology at its disposal. And, during the rebuilding phase, a large number of brilliant scientists had joined the organization. Was she talking about something along those lines? To what end?

“Ooooooo-ooooo-oooo-ooo-oo-oh…..” Obviously, some of the students had little trouble following Kyouko’s line of thought. When Shinji protested his own ignorance, Maya whispered into his ears. His eyeglasses promptly steamed up.

“Wh-What I m-mean is….” Kyouko whispered her response into Sousuke's ear. She took a number of pictures shortly thereafter.

“Uhhhh-hhh-hh-h….” Sousuke looked like he had been carved from a block of ice. He and Kaname were indeed a couple; but, their romantic encounters had not brought them anywhere near the point that he would have seen the anatomic region that Kyouko mentioned.

Sousuke stayed as stiff as a board, at least above the waist. He might have done his imitation of a statue for a good bit longer, had someone else not walked into the room.

It was Kaname.

“Hey gang, what’s going on here?” Kaname kept out of sight, standing behind the half-open door. She was curious, alright. But, her question was actually intended as a way to get everyone to look in her direction. “Ta-daaaa-aaa-aa-ah….” She jumped into view. She spun a baton in her hand. She had purchased it for gym class on her way to school.

That smile of hers was a familiar thing. So was the school uniform that she wore. Everyone had previously seen her earrings, her bracelet, and her necklace. There was only one thing that was different.

“Kaname!” Maya couldn’t believe her eyes. She never would have judged Kaname to do something like this!

“Your hair!” Ryo looked just as shocked as Maya.

Kaname had acted on a wild and crazy impulse. For some reason, she wanted to know what she might look like with long flowing blonde locks. She spent a long time in the hair stylist’s chair in order to find out, not to mention a fair chunk of change.

Standing there, in that crisp and clean uniform, spinning that baton in her hand, she had some of the students gasping, looking at her as if she was straight out of a classic shoujo manga or anime.

It was almost as if they expected to see her spontaneously surrounded by flowers, stars, or bubbles. None of them would have been shocked if she struck a pose and said something on the order of ‘In the name of the moon, I will punish you’... ‘Everything will surely be all right’... or ‘Honey Flash!’

“Great!" Someone was more annoyed than shocked. "All we need is a magical girl,” Mizuke grumped. Secretly, she felt jealous that she didn’t come up with the idea herself, even though she knew that the other girl wasn’t trying for that angle. Kaname got more than enough attention by being Whispered.

“So… Sousuke….” Kaname ran to stand in front of Sousuke, even though she had wanted to maintain her dignity with a slow and nonchalant walk. She did a pirouette. “What do you think of me as a blonde?” She held her breath. That big idiot better not spoil her moment.

“I….” Sousuke's mind in wool-gathering mode. The things that Kyouko had whispered had done a number on him. Kaname's surprising appearence left him with one functioning neuron at best. “I’m not sure….”

“What?” Kaname looked cross and disappointed at the same time. After fluttering her hands for a moment, she put both on her hips and glared at her boyfriend. “You’re not sure if you like it?”

“Negative,” Sousuke replied, staring at her. He answered without thinking, his reply influenced by recent events. “I’m not certain that you are truly a blonde.”

“Huh?” Kaname looked baffled for a moment. Of course she wasn’t truly a blonde. She had simply dyed her hair! What kind of nonsense was that muddle-headed military moron mumbling about this time? “Sousuke?”

“Uhhh-hh-h….” Sousuke’s eyes went very wide. His own comment had finally registered on him. It was not a strategically sound statement. “How can I explain this….” Indeed, he had been far too caught up in the moment. The perspiration was practically pouring off of him now.

“Ka-nah-may….” Kyouko walked over to her friend. This is what she had been hoping for. “I think Sousuke is referring to....“ She finished what she wanted to say in a hushed voice that only Kaname could hear.

“Oo-oo-oo-oo….” Kaname’s eyes flashed. She grew red in the face. She held the baton like it was a tomahawk or medieval bludgeon. “Sous-kaaa-aa-ay!” Everyone quickly drew back a number of steps. “You... you... you big pervert!"

Things progressed from that point, much the way that anyone familiar with the characters might expect. Once again, the witnesses all marveled at how angry Sousuke could make Kaname, and how easy it was for him to accomplish that feat. Others stared in wonder, amazed at just how much physical punishment the operative could withstand.

By the look of things, a certain blue-haired girl would be in need of a new baton.

END

[Taurec]

LOL

Welcome back dd
Yet again a short fic that didn't fail to amuse. thanks!






Guess i'll have to go Andy W. on Kaname
Black definitely works imho.

[HELLFIRE]

Indeed... Whiskey Bravo Comrade dd, so what's it take to drag the last little
creativity left on this board out?

...and nice color palette there Tau, got in pantone as well?




Regards