Today, Yesterday and Tomorrow, chapter 5--Memories
Posted: Sat Oct 25, 2003 2:16 pm
Disclaimer: I don’t own Full Metal Panic! It belongs to Shoji Gatoh.
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Today, Yesterday and Tomorrow
Chapter 5 – Memories
By Samantha
Sousuke rushed out the door of Kaname’s apartment, only to see her sitting on the floor, her anger evaporated. Kneeling down, he analytically noticed she was crying instead. She clutched at him and sobbed into his shoulder, further confusing him. “Sousuke,” she choked out, her breathing a little more regular, “don’t leave me.”
Looking over at her, he saw her pressed against him, further igniting his newly discovered protective instinct. That instinct, however, did nothing but increase the urgency he felt towards helping her. The problem, he thought, was that he did not know what to do other than take her to the safehouse, away from her father.
Crying as hard as she was, Sousuke did not trust her to be able to walk on her own, so instead he gathered her tear-wracked form into his arms, and began walking, though walking in a straight line was more difficult than he remembered it should be. He studiously ignored the strange emotion holding her gave him. He reminded himself this was part of his duty, even if it was not written explicitly in his orders from Mithril. Trying to calm her, he murmured down at her, “I shall not, Chidori.”
He could hear Kurtz already. The blond would congratulate them on their nuptials and ask if they needed privacy for the honeymoon. Sousuke snorted with distaste. Why would his holding Kaname like this give the American such ideas? Though his hindbrain hinted such privacy could mean exploring the thing she called a kiss earlier, a kiss something different than what he thought it was. If his hindbrain was telling him the truth, then Kurtz had the minimum amount of forebrain to live and do his duty.
Walking across the street with Kaname as he was, the pair garnered strange looks from passersby, but none questioned him or retrieved a cop from the nearest police box. After walking across the street, he entered his apartment building. Reaching the dimly lit hallway before his apartment, he opened the door, careful not to dump Kaname unceremoniously onto the floor.
He entered the austere room with its cheap furniture and messiness. One side of the room was veiled from view by hanging sheets, shielding their sleeping area from view. Sousuke headed for his bed. He normally slept under it, the den-like atmosphere calming to his war-ravaged soul. Placing her carefully on the cast iron bed he covered her with the normally unused sheet and blanket.
Walking back to the main part of the apartment, he saw Kurtz and Mao sitting at the table eating dinner. Kurtz had some sort of noodle concoction and Mao had her prized canned crab. Sousuke knew she took to hiding it from Kurtz and setting traps around it for good measure. Looking at the sergeant closer, Sousuke noticed a series of welts on Kurtz’s hand. Seeing no crab in his food and the sergeant major’s smug smile, Sousuke guessed the attempted theft failed.
The younger sergeant sat down at the table and began taking his Glock apart. Unusually, he was having trouble with that task, and his vision was blurring. kHe barely had time to notice those facts before the pair started in on him. Kurtz was first, as usual, with his comments that Sousuke dimly realized were rude. “Hey Sousuke, how did you pull off getting her to marry you? You get her drunk?” The comment struck closer to home than intended, and his face reflected the shock. Kurtz didn’t let that pass. “You did, Sousuke you dog. You’d have to because she’d refuse you if you asked her on a date. Though it seems your marriage is off to a rocky start if she’s crying already.”
“Sousuke, go back to her and comfort her.” She gestured at Kurtz, including a kick under the table for good measure. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid to impede you in this.” After a moment she added the word “mission.” She knew it would motivate the youngest soldier under her command.
At least the sergeant major’s advice tended to be helpful, even though her reasoning was murky to Sousuke most days.
Sousuke made his way back to the bed, pushing the sheets dividing the room aside. He saw Kaname still crying, so he sat woodenly on the edge of the bed and asked, “What is wrong, Chidori?”
She laughed bitterly, her tears gone. “You really want to know?”
He nodded. “I remember what you told me several hours ago. Not telling you what was hurting me weakened you. Your not telling me weakens me.”
Without hesitation, almost as if driven to say the words, she began, “My father has been this way ever since my mother died. He noticed Ayame or myself only when it suited his needs. Mood swings like you saw.” She sighed. “Is that where I got my personality, was from him?”
He shrugged his shoulders. She went on. “He was loving and more like a father should be. He actually was worried when I ran away years ago. And I didn’t tell him about any of our ‘adventures’ because he would react like this, and blame me.” Sousuke just nodded. “I miss her, Sousuke. I miss my mother. Did you know he started changing while my mother was dying from cancer?”
Sousuke simply shook his head, not really understanding Kaname’s emotional state. In his experience, life is filled with such cruelties, and you learn to accept them or you become crushed and ineffective. He did not want her to be crushed. He liked her vivacious spirit.
Without stopping, she told him, “He left both Ayame and me to deal with watching our mother die by little steps each day by ourselves. I can’t forgive that. He put his pain before our pain. Weren’t we all hurting? Ayame had more trouble than me, so I had to comfort her, while wanting comfort myself. My friends were at a loss as how to treat me, even Kyouko. Several years later we moved to New York, and I was so unhappy there that he eventually allowed me to return here for school.”
She looked up at him and smiled. “It let me meet you, Sousuke. Even though you are strange and inexplicable most of the time, I’m still happy I’m your friend. We’ve gone through so much together… it’s more than friendship now. What is it, Sousuke?”
At a loss, he simply answered, “I do not know.”
She nodded and looked up at him with sleepy, red-rimmed eyes. She asked slowly, as if carefully picking each word, or forcing herself to speak. “Sousuke…will you hold me? At least until I fall asleep?”
He simply looked at her, his gray eyes confused and conflicted. Did this qualify as getting too close to his mission objective, too fond of her, whatever that meant? No, he reasoned. He was already too close, as shown when Gauron kidnapped her. Why was she asking him? Did she want comfort, or him to protect her? He sighed. The sergeant major said to comfort her was his mission, so comfort her he would.
Anyway, lying down seemed advantageous about then, he thought. His head had begun to ache and his mouth tasted like he drank turpentine. How did Kurtz and Mao live with this feeling on a regular basis?
---
Today, Yesterday and Tomorrow
Chapter 5 – Memories
By Samantha
Sousuke rushed out the door of Kaname’s apartment, only to see her sitting on the floor, her anger evaporated. Kneeling down, he analytically noticed she was crying instead. She clutched at him and sobbed into his shoulder, further confusing him. “Sousuke,” she choked out, her breathing a little more regular, “don’t leave me.”
Looking over at her, he saw her pressed against him, further igniting his newly discovered protective instinct. That instinct, however, did nothing but increase the urgency he felt towards helping her. The problem, he thought, was that he did not know what to do other than take her to the safehouse, away from her father.
Crying as hard as she was, Sousuke did not trust her to be able to walk on her own, so instead he gathered her tear-wracked form into his arms, and began walking, though walking in a straight line was more difficult than he remembered it should be. He studiously ignored the strange emotion holding her gave him. He reminded himself this was part of his duty, even if it was not written explicitly in his orders from Mithril. Trying to calm her, he murmured down at her, “I shall not, Chidori.”
He could hear Kurtz already. The blond would congratulate them on their nuptials and ask if they needed privacy for the honeymoon. Sousuke snorted with distaste. Why would his holding Kaname like this give the American such ideas? Though his hindbrain hinted such privacy could mean exploring the thing she called a kiss earlier, a kiss something different than what he thought it was. If his hindbrain was telling him the truth, then Kurtz had the minimum amount of forebrain to live and do his duty.
Walking across the street with Kaname as he was, the pair garnered strange looks from passersby, but none questioned him or retrieved a cop from the nearest police box. After walking across the street, he entered his apartment building. Reaching the dimly lit hallway before his apartment, he opened the door, careful not to dump Kaname unceremoniously onto the floor.
He entered the austere room with its cheap furniture and messiness. One side of the room was veiled from view by hanging sheets, shielding their sleeping area from view. Sousuke headed for his bed. He normally slept under it, the den-like atmosphere calming to his war-ravaged soul. Placing her carefully on the cast iron bed he covered her with the normally unused sheet and blanket.
Walking back to the main part of the apartment, he saw Kurtz and Mao sitting at the table eating dinner. Kurtz had some sort of noodle concoction and Mao had her prized canned crab. Sousuke knew she took to hiding it from Kurtz and setting traps around it for good measure. Looking at the sergeant closer, Sousuke noticed a series of welts on Kurtz’s hand. Seeing no crab in his food and the sergeant major’s smug smile, Sousuke guessed the attempted theft failed.
The younger sergeant sat down at the table and began taking his Glock apart. Unusually, he was having trouble with that task, and his vision was blurring. kHe barely had time to notice those facts before the pair started in on him. Kurtz was first, as usual, with his comments that Sousuke dimly realized were rude. “Hey Sousuke, how did you pull off getting her to marry you? You get her drunk?” The comment struck closer to home than intended, and his face reflected the shock. Kurtz didn’t let that pass. “You did, Sousuke you dog. You’d have to because she’d refuse you if you asked her on a date. Though it seems your marriage is off to a rocky start if she’s crying already.”
“Sousuke, go back to her and comfort her.” She gestured at Kurtz, including a kick under the table for good measure. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid to impede you in this.” After a moment she added the word “mission.” She knew it would motivate the youngest soldier under her command.
At least the sergeant major’s advice tended to be helpful, even though her reasoning was murky to Sousuke most days.
Sousuke made his way back to the bed, pushing the sheets dividing the room aside. He saw Kaname still crying, so he sat woodenly on the edge of the bed and asked, “What is wrong, Chidori?”
She laughed bitterly, her tears gone. “You really want to know?”
He nodded. “I remember what you told me several hours ago. Not telling you what was hurting me weakened you. Your not telling me weakens me.”
Without hesitation, almost as if driven to say the words, she began, “My father has been this way ever since my mother died. He noticed Ayame or myself only when it suited his needs. Mood swings like you saw.” She sighed. “Is that where I got my personality, was from him?”
He shrugged his shoulders. She went on. “He was loving and more like a father should be. He actually was worried when I ran away years ago. And I didn’t tell him about any of our ‘adventures’ because he would react like this, and blame me.” Sousuke just nodded. “I miss her, Sousuke. I miss my mother. Did you know he started changing while my mother was dying from cancer?”
Sousuke simply shook his head, not really understanding Kaname’s emotional state. In his experience, life is filled with such cruelties, and you learn to accept them or you become crushed and ineffective. He did not want her to be crushed. He liked her vivacious spirit.
Without stopping, she told him, “He left both Ayame and me to deal with watching our mother die by little steps each day by ourselves. I can’t forgive that. He put his pain before our pain. Weren’t we all hurting? Ayame had more trouble than me, so I had to comfort her, while wanting comfort myself. My friends were at a loss as how to treat me, even Kyouko. Several years later we moved to New York, and I was so unhappy there that he eventually allowed me to return here for school.”
She looked up at him and smiled. “It let me meet you, Sousuke. Even though you are strange and inexplicable most of the time, I’m still happy I’m your friend. We’ve gone through so much together… it’s more than friendship now. What is it, Sousuke?”
At a loss, he simply answered, “I do not know.”
She nodded and looked up at him with sleepy, red-rimmed eyes. She asked slowly, as if carefully picking each word, or forcing herself to speak. “Sousuke…will you hold me? At least until I fall asleep?”
He simply looked at her, his gray eyes confused and conflicted. Did this qualify as getting too close to his mission objective, too fond of her, whatever that meant? No, he reasoned. He was already too close, as shown when Gauron kidnapped her. Why was she asking him? Did she want comfort, or him to protect her? He sighed. The sergeant major said to comfort her was his mission, so comfort her he would.
Anyway, lying down seemed advantageous about then, he thought. His head had begun to ache and his mouth tasted like he drank turpentine. How did Kurtz and Mao live with this feeling on a regular basis?
