[FIC] Waiting Is The Hardest Part (part 4 of 4)
Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2003 5:05 am
Things are coming down to the wire...Kaname's baby won't wait much longer! Where's Sousuke? Is he still alive? Will he be back in time?
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THURSDAY
Kaname managed a good five hours of sleep over an eight hour period. First, a loud clap of thunder had startled her out of a somewhat shallow sleep. After falling back to sleep for an hour, Moto woke her, reporting that Tomoe had been awakened by that same noise, staying awake afterwards, crying about the large monster outside. When she had finished comforting her daughter, she was gifted with three more hours of rest before the phone rang. Wrong number. It took her a while to fall asleep after that---for a brief moment, before she answered, she had wondered if it was news of Sousuke. She managed a solid three hours of solid sleep, waking up an hour earlier than usual for no discernible reason.
She did a quick calculation of the time at various parts of the globe and decided to see if she could reach Gordon. Worried about Melissa, he might have been able to find out something about the Special Reasponse Team. She tried his home phone with no luck. Calling Camp Pendleton, she was informed that he and his team were away on a mission.
It was far too early to call Greta. She might have heard something through Kurz, if he had not been sent into action in an M10, supporting Sousuke, Melissa, and the two other AEG-1s. Having waited as long as she had, she could not bring herself to wake Greta in the middle of the night. She would need to wait another ten or eleven hours to place the call. By that time, she may well be in the hospital.
Once the children woke up, she followed the same routine of getting them dressed, fed, groomed, and delivered to Day Care and school. Everything went smooth as silk. She stopped by the office to shuffle a few papers and check her phone messages. After that, she took the rest of the day off---there were things that she now felt compelled to get done at home.
Kaname called a cleaning service she had used before. Having been informed of a cancellation, they were able to send someone out post-haste. That would take care of vacuuming, scrubbing, polishing, dusting, waxing, and mopping. She would take care of the miscellaneous chores---picking up, organizing, straightening, and rearranging.
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Making good progress in her quest to master her emotions, Kaname was somewhat shocked to see just how disheveled the kid's room had become without her taking true notice of it before now. Toys, books, puzzles, DVDs, and clothes formed heaps, piles, and towers. One curtain was off its runner. Moto's bed held his two pillows and his sister's two pillows. The goldfish and the hamster gave her pleading looks. There was an unidentifiable spot on the rug.
Kaname, somewhat energized despite her spotty night's rest, make quick work of the mess...until she came across a book laying open on the floor. It was Moto's book, Famous Myths and Messages Of The World. Picking it up, she noticed that it was opened to a page describing the legend of the Phoenix.
The painting of that glorious bird drew her attention. She sat down on the edge of Moto's bed, thinking about parallels between that myth and her own recent trials and tribulations. Kaname was not a big fan of myths and legends, but she like most people had some inkling about the fantasical beast that would rise from its own ashes. She started reading.
The tale of the Phoenix is one of the greatest myths of all times. It show up in the myths and legends of Egypt, Ancient Greece, China, and Arabian nations. The Greeks probably borrowed the story from the Egyptians. American Indians have a legend of the Thunderbird---their own version of the Phoenix---a powerful spirit taking the form of a bird, lightning flashing from its beak and rolling waves of thunder rushing from its wings.
The word Phoenix comes from the Greek word for palm tree. In Greek and Egyptian mythology, the Phoenix represented the sun, which perishes in flames each evening, only to rise again the next morning. It was described as being bigger than an eagle, with brilliant scarlet, gold, and purple plummage and a melodius cry.
Kaname noticed a similarity early on. She looked good in those colors. With a little encouragement, perhaps Sousuke might come to realize how much better she would look with another touch of gold or two. The melodius cry? She wasn't about to answer that one herself. She'd ask Sousuke. If he knew what was good for him, he'd answer in the proper fashion, placing little priority on honesty or reality. If he didn't, he might get a first hand demonstration of that cry!!!
Kaname decided it would be wiser to finagle a promise about jewelry BEFORE she asked about anything else.
The was only one Phoenix at a time.
Bingo! Kaname certainly was one of a kind.
It lived for 500 years....
Uh uhhh. No way. No thanks.
It laid no eggs, had no young, and it was there when the world began.
Hmmm. There were certainly advantages to that.
It was a beautiful and strong firebird, magnificent in its youth.
What was the name of the man who had told the story in Ancient Greece? Herotodus. Well, Herotodus must have had a vision of Kaname.
When it began to feel weak and old, it would build a nest out of twigs of cassia and frankincense, set it afire, and immolate itself in the fragrant flames. From this funeral pyre a new Phoenix would come forth.
Kaname decided that it was good enough to share traits with the Phoenix. There was no reason to follow every little detail. That would be plagarism, copyright infringement, or piracy!
In Egyptian legends, the new Phoenix would embalm the prior phoenix in an egg of myyrrh and carry those ahses to the City Of The Sun in Egypt, depositing them on the altar of the Egyptian Sun god. There are some that think that the Phoenix came to be a symbol of immortality and spiritual rebirth to early Christians.
In Chinese mythology, the Phoenix is the symbol of high virtue, grace, power, and prosperity.
More amazing similarities. The thought of prosperity made her frown momentarily, her eyes growing narrow. Mythril certainly paid Sousuke well, and frugal as he had been as a bachelor, he had aquired a respectable bankroll. At that moment, Kaname had a difficult time reconsiling the risks and the financial security they engendered.
To the Chinese, the Phoenix represents the union of yin and yang. It was portrayed as the most gentle of creatures, supposedly sitting or landing so lightly that it crushed or disturbed nothing. It lived entirely on dewdrops.
No. The Chinese can keep their version of the Phoenix. Kaname preferred the Greek version. Furthernore, the tailfeathers of the Chinese bird were black, white, red, green, and yellow. A horrid fashion statement.
From the earliest days of recorded history, man has always regarded fire as a sacred gift of the gods. Fire gives light and warmth. The sun does the same. No one should be surprised that early humans came to believe that the sun was a god, worshipping it. Fire also has the power to cleanse, to purify. In many forests and other environments, occasional widespread fires are necessary to burn away old and dead material, stimulating rebirth and new growth. If the fire did not blaze its firey path, the land would stagnate and die.
Kaname sat still a moment, temporarily forgetting about the book. The hardships and emotional difficulties she had faced over the past week had burned across her world like a roaring fire. At first, such unwanted challenges appeared likely to leave her life in shambles. Perhaps they had done more than that---what positive things might she take away from all this?
She remained lost in thought, thinking about her life with and without Sousuke. A few days ago, she clutched tightly to those memories at one moment---as if they were the only things keeping her afloat---only to see the same memories fill her with panic or sorrow moments later. Now, she could smile and hold onto hope instead.
Kaname thought about her earliest years, and how wonderful it was to be part of a loving family. It was one reason she was so happy with Sousuke---she had gained the chance to feel that way again. She could provide her children with the same wonderful opportunity. Her thoughts drifted to darker years. The loss of her mother. Leaving the land of her birth. Returning to a nation of people who did not seem to want her there. Living alone. Overcoming it all and earning her place in people's hearts and winning their admiration.
She remembered the first time she had seen Sousuke---mussed up hair, clueless look, an actual gun in his bookcase. That military moron! Oh, how he had made her life interesting early on. Interesting was the politically correct word. No doubt 'Sousuke' is a swear word in certain foreign languages. Intrusions into the girls' locker room. Tackling teachers. Destroying artwork. Blowing up shoeboxes and lockers. Kissing Mizuki! Bonta-Kun. Guns, grenades, knives, Arm Slaves, underwater sleds, submarines, and secret bases. Kidnapping, experimentation, escape, Whispered powers, traitors, take-overs, and rescues. Kurz and Melissa. Rivalry with Tessa. Faxes. Condoms. Misunderstandings. Hospitals. "Homework." BALLOONS! Dates. Cat Fights. Contests. Fishing. The Opera. More kidnapping, imprisonment, and scientific research. College. Lies and terrible loss. Drifting, searching, growing, moving on. Finding Sousuke again. Passion. Love. Togetherness. Engagement and early marriage. Children and the joys they brought.
It would be anyone's guess how long she might have stayed like that---thinking, smiling, hoping. The maid happened to look in the room and ask if she was alright. Snapping out of her reminiscince, Kaname thanked the woman for her concern and said that she was doing fine. She turned back to the book, trying to reconnect the caboose in her train of thought.
To the jeweler or refiner, fire is required to separate the dross from the gold. To the blacksmith or metalworker, fire is needed to temper the steel. But, those are not simple tasks. Nor are they without their share of danger. Purification by fire can be hazardous. It can readily get out of control. It must not be taken lightly.
Once again Kaname saw the parallels. She did not enjoy the process she was going through, but had managed to keep it within reasonable limits. Whether or not she would be stronger for it all remained to be seen. Her time in the fire was not over yet. The baby was on his way. Sousuke was not home.
According to legend, the Phoenix only appears in peaceful and prosperous times. hiding itself away in times of strife and trouble.
WRONG!!! If he hadn't died centuries ago, Herodotus would have gotten a nasty note or phonecall from Kaname.
Many people fear the renewing process or purification, even though it is needed periodically in the best and worst of times. They resist change at all cost, trying to hold onto their view of order, harmony, and reality. Disagreements are viewed as threats of great severity. And yet, chaos theory has taught scholars that the highest order is born from the greatest chaos. Where does the greatest creativity and learning take place? At the edge of chaos! Our personal fire and chaos can be an illness, a toubled relationship, a financial difficulty---Anything drastic and significant. We have the opportunity to rise wiser, better, stronger, and more focused on our goals in life. But, the new Phoenix takes great care to preserve the ashes of the past. It does not adhere to the past, unchanging. It remembers and honors the best of the past.
When she finished her reading, Kaname continued with her mission. When she finally decided to take a rest, she fixed herself a tall glass of tea and grabbed a plate of fruit to nibble on. She was chewing on her first mouthful when the phone rang.
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The telephone can be an ally or an enemy to the military wife. Sometimes, the woman is uncertain which it was until she puts the phone to her ear. The allegiance can change at any moment.
Kaname sat transfixed for a few rings, before checking the Caller ID and grabbing the handset before the answering machine kicked in.
It was Ayame.
"Kaname, it's been too long!" It had been two months since she had heard from her younger sister. She briefly wondered why Ayame's voice had such a vibrant quality to it.
"Yes it has. But that's not why you're calling. You have some big news to tell me." Kaname had a suspicion what it might be.
"I never could fool you, could I? Dad, yes. You, never. Except that time I left a message on Sousuke answering machine!" She had called Sousuke's answering machine once, at a time when when he and Kaname were living together, before their engagement. Her voice had been unrecognizable. She spoke as if she was someone who had shared a night of intimacy with Sousuke, looking for a repeat performance.
"Let's not bring that up now. Not if you want to have a cheerful conversation!" Kaname was only kidding. At the time of that earlier message, she had been rather demonstrative in a physical fashion. Poor Sousuke had suffered unfairly, but she maintained to this very day that he had deserved it. For something. It didn't matter what. There were a lot of things to choose from.
"OK, Sis. You can guess why I'm calling?" Ayame's voice left nothing to doubt.
"Breast implants?" Kaname had to keep from laughing. That was a sore subject with her sister. And their father. Ayame had no need for augmentation, but had wanted to enhance her visibility.
"Kaname!!!"
"No? Hmmm. Your first kiss? With a man?" She had caught her sister practicing her kissing on a mirror when she had returned to Japan for one visit. She had kept Ayame in the bathroom for more than an hour scrubbing off the lipstick residue.
"Very funny. Ha ha hahh."
"Congratulations." Kaname didn't want to cheapen the moment. "No wonder you sound so excited."
"Kaname, you didn't guess...."
"Oh, sorry. You and Doug are engaged?" That HAD to be the answer.
"Yes. Isn't it great news? We'll have to come to Japan to meet with you, Sousuke, and the kids. By the way, shouldn't you be in the hospital by now? What's taking that baby so long?"
"It won't be too much longer. I think I have started to feel true contractions." Kaname had noticed a feeling like a mild backache, and the contractions she was feeling had become more regular and more painful.
"Is Sousuke ready? Is he excited, or nervous?"
Kaname did not answer.
"Kaname? Are you still there? Are you in pain, Kaname?" Ayame wondered if her sister was unable to talk, going through an intense labor pain.
"I'm here, Ayame. Sousuke isn't." Kaname had wanted to elaborate voluntarily, but found it difficult to go any further without prompting. She DID want to talk about Sousuke, however.
"You mean he's still at work, or with the kids? Haven't you called him to come home?" Ayame sounded puzzled.
"No, Ayame. Sousuke isn't in the country."
This time there was silence on Ayame's end of the phone. "But..."
"He was away on business." Ayame had found out about Sousuke's profession, but they never spoke of it directly. "He was supposed to be gone less than a week. It's been more than two weeks. No one has heard from him." Kaname felt herself shivering ever so slightly. Her hand had a slight tremor.
"Oh no! Kaname, you must be so worried. Are you OK? I can catch a flight this afternoon if you need me!" Ayame would do just that if Kaname asked her to.
"It's all taken care of, Ayame. I've got people lined up for everything I need. There's nothing you can do to help bring Sousuke back to me. That's what I need most. You've helped a lot, just by calling." Kaname voice cracked, but she quickly recovered. "But let's talk more about you. This is a rather special phone call...."
They chatted a while longer until Kaname had needed to thank the maid and pay her for her hard work. It had been nice speaking with her sister. Kaname felt a little fresher, a little stronger. Another flap of the wings for the new Phoenix.
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Kaname took a brief tour of the apartment. Everything looked so clean, so nice. Everything smelled so fresh. That served to boost her spirit even further.
While there was still plenty of time, Kaname made certain that she had packed everything that she needed for the hospital. When she had finished, she wrote a short note for Sousuke, just in case he made it home safely after she had already left. No doubt he would have a good notion where she might be---if he didn't, people at the day care, elementary school, JSDF base, or her office could point him in the right direction. She wrote the note because it felt like the right thing to do. She made certain to write "I Love You" three times, underscored and emphasized.
When she passed her mucus plug, Kaname knew it was time to keep a written log of her contractions. She had passed some blood, but no more than the size of a 1 yen or 50 yen coin. There was no cause for concern.
When her contractions had reached a certain frequency and duration, it was time to start with her phone calls. She called Kyouko, who glady agreed to drive Moto back to the apartment after school. She was dialing the number for the Day Care Center when she heard a noise that made her catch her breath and put the handset back down again.
Keys in the front door.
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Souske had thanked the recovery squad and caught an immediate series of flights back to Japan. He had not headed back to the TDD-3 for debriefing. He did not see to the proper stowage of his surviving equipment. He did not eat, shower, change, or shave. He had been away from home for far too long. He didn't want to wait even a minute longer than he had to.
Certainly, Cmdr. Horowitz and Lt. Cmdr. Ben-Elieden might be enraged or unhappy, but Sousuke felt certain they would understand. He also felt certain that they had gotten his point---Mithril now needed Sousuke Sagara far more than Sousuke Sagara needed Mithril. He was grateful for all that had been done for him. He appreciated all of the opportunities that he had been given. But, he had given them everything that he had, again and again and again. It was time to take a little something back. Short of a hit squad, he did not fear any repercusion his actions might have. He doubted they would go that far!
As it was, he had come close to death far more times than he had expected to during this mission. He couldn't help but think about the dual life he led, and what effect his life or death would have on Kaname and the children. The battle had been necessary this time, and the outcome was the best they could have hoped for tactically. But, they had lost all four of the Aegis Arm Slaves, and of the four AEG pilots who headed out to war, only he and Melissa returned. There would be time before more AEG units could be bought and built. That would give Sousuke a reprieve, for certain. But, being one of only two people with a needed capability would prove to be a problem. Again and again and again.
The AEG-1 was a large ungainly beast, and Sousuke despised the craft for that reason. On the other hand, it was a phenomenal testbed of technology still in its infancy. The heavy Diffuser module could defeat or dimish the effects of handheld scalar weapons, some of which were still in the possession of Amalgam and groups they subcontracted work out to. The Lambda Disruptor could wreck havoc with an opposing AS's Lambda Driver capability---if it did not do the same to the given AS or its brethren. The weapons load was remarkable, as well. The tow capacity was unheard of.
The AEG craft would not replace the HBD-5s, M10s, or spare M9s, except in certain types of skirmishes. They would, however, play an ever increasing crucial role on the battlefield. That fact placed a lot of pressure squarely on Sousuke's shoulders. He wasn't certain that he wanted to carry that weight any longer. For the first time in his military career, he began to think about passing the torch. He wanted to continue in a training capacity...but he would have to give strong consideration to his participation in future combat operations.
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It was Sousuke. It had to be. Who else would have keys?
He hadn't called. Or if he had, he didn't leave a phone message. A part of Kaname was enraged. Sosuske would pay for that!
On the other hand, she doubted that she would ever forget the feeling she was experiencing now, waiting for that door to open. She would find a suitable way to reward him.
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The first thing Sousuke saw when he opened the door was Kaname---she was surrounded by a small suitcase, a travel tote, and a baby bag.
For a moment, he found he couldn't move. He couldn't speak. He couldn't hear. It felt as if time had stopped. His duffel bag fell to the floor. He dropped his keys.
He didn't notice how clean the apartment was. He took no notice of the fingerpaintings taped to the entryway wall. He had no opportunity to read the haiku taped to the opposite wall. His eyes remained glued to Kaname's face.
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They both started walking towards one another slowly, at the same time, as if by some unspoken agreement. Kaname saw that Sousuke was dirty, bloody, unshaven, with tattered clothing that looked more like rags than a uniform. He walked with a limp and held his left arm tightly against his side. One side of his face was swollen, and the area around one eye was darkly bruised.
He was the most wonderful sight that she had ever seen.
They stopped just short of one another, looking into one another's eyes. They both saw everything they wanted to see, and more. Their kiss wasn't the most exciting or romantic moment that they had ever shared, but both would be hardpressed to remember one they had looked forward to more than that. Kaname had promised herself that she wouldn't cry. She couldn't keep that promise. Sousuke had thought about many ways to apologize, but found he could say but four words.
"I love you, Kaname." At that moment, anything else would have been superfluous.
Kaname too had thought long and hard about what she wanted to say. Instead, she spoke the first words that came to mind.
"You BETTER, Sousuke!!!" She smiled, the tears still falling. Souske didn't need a translator. Those words meant 'I love you, Sousuke. But if I say it, I'll melt into a puddle on the floor.'
Those would have been appropos words at that moment. It had happened earlier than Kaname would have expected---her water broke.
"Sousuke, the water broke." It was time to get going.
"Kaname? That is not important now. I can call the plumber later...." Sousuke had a straight face. Kaname didn't know if he were joking, or lapsing back into a Sousuke moment.
"SOUSUKE!!!"
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THURSDAY
Kaname managed a good five hours of sleep over an eight hour period. First, a loud clap of thunder had startled her out of a somewhat shallow sleep. After falling back to sleep for an hour, Moto woke her, reporting that Tomoe had been awakened by that same noise, staying awake afterwards, crying about the large monster outside. When she had finished comforting her daughter, she was gifted with three more hours of rest before the phone rang. Wrong number. It took her a while to fall asleep after that---for a brief moment, before she answered, she had wondered if it was news of Sousuke. She managed a solid three hours of solid sleep, waking up an hour earlier than usual for no discernible reason.
She did a quick calculation of the time at various parts of the globe and decided to see if she could reach Gordon. Worried about Melissa, he might have been able to find out something about the Special Reasponse Team. She tried his home phone with no luck. Calling Camp Pendleton, she was informed that he and his team were away on a mission.
It was far too early to call Greta. She might have heard something through Kurz, if he had not been sent into action in an M10, supporting Sousuke, Melissa, and the two other AEG-1s. Having waited as long as she had, she could not bring herself to wake Greta in the middle of the night. She would need to wait another ten or eleven hours to place the call. By that time, she may well be in the hospital.
Once the children woke up, she followed the same routine of getting them dressed, fed, groomed, and delivered to Day Care and school. Everything went smooth as silk. She stopped by the office to shuffle a few papers and check her phone messages. After that, she took the rest of the day off---there were things that she now felt compelled to get done at home.
Kaname called a cleaning service she had used before. Having been informed of a cancellation, they were able to send someone out post-haste. That would take care of vacuuming, scrubbing, polishing, dusting, waxing, and mopping. She would take care of the miscellaneous chores---picking up, organizing, straightening, and rearranging.
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Making good progress in her quest to master her emotions, Kaname was somewhat shocked to see just how disheveled the kid's room had become without her taking true notice of it before now. Toys, books, puzzles, DVDs, and clothes formed heaps, piles, and towers. One curtain was off its runner. Moto's bed held his two pillows and his sister's two pillows. The goldfish and the hamster gave her pleading looks. There was an unidentifiable spot on the rug.
Kaname, somewhat energized despite her spotty night's rest, make quick work of the mess...until she came across a book laying open on the floor. It was Moto's book, Famous Myths and Messages Of The World. Picking it up, she noticed that it was opened to a page describing the legend of the Phoenix.
The painting of that glorious bird drew her attention. She sat down on the edge of Moto's bed, thinking about parallels between that myth and her own recent trials and tribulations. Kaname was not a big fan of myths and legends, but she like most people had some inkling about the fantasical beast that would rise from its own ashes. She started reading.
The tale of the Phoenix is one of the greatest myths of all times. It show up in the myths and legends of Egypt, Ancient Greece, China, and Arabian nations. The Greeks probably borrowed the story from the Egyptians. American Indians have a legend of the Thunderbird---their own version of the Phoenix---a powerful spirit taking the form of a bird, lightning flashing from its beak and rolling waves of thunder rushing from its wings.
The word Phoenix comes from the Greek word for palm tree. In Greek and Egyptian mythology, the Phoenix represented the sun, which perishes in flames each evening, only to rise again the next morning. It was described as being bigger than an eagle, with brilliant scarlet, gold, and purple plummage and a melodius cry.
Kaname noticed a similarity early on. She looked good in those colors. With a little encouragement, perhaps Sousuke might come to realize how much better she would look with another touch of gold or two. The melodius cry? She wasn't about to answer that one herself. She'd ask Sousuke. If he knew what was good for him, he'd answer in the proper fashion, placing little priority on honesty or reality. If he didn't, he might get a first hand demonstration of that cry!!!
Kaname decided it would be wiser to finagle a promise about jewelry BEFORE she asked about anything else.
The was only one Phoenix at a time.
Bingo! Kaname certainly was one of a kind.
It lived for 500 years....
Uh uhhh. No way. No thanks.
It laid no eggs, had no young, and it was there when the world began.
Hmmm. There were certainly advantages to that.
It was a beautiful and strong firebird, magnificent in its youth.
What was the name of the man who had told the story in Ancient Greece? Herotodus. Well, Herotodus must have had a vision of Kaname.
When it began to feel weak and old, it would build a nest out of twigs of cassia and frankincense, set it afire, and immolate itself in the fragrant flames. From this funeral pyre a new Phoenix would come forth.
Kaname decided that it was good enough to share traits with the Phoenix. There was no reason to follow every little detail. That would be plagarism, copyright infringement, or piracy!
In Egyptian legends, the new Phoenix would embalm the prior phoenix in an egg of myyrrh and carry those ahses to the City Of The Sun in Egypt, depositing them on the altar of the Egyptian Sun god. There are some that think that the Phoenix came to be a symbol of immortality and spiritual rebirth to early Christians.
In Chinese mythology, the Phoenix is the symbol of high virtue, grace, power, and prosperity.
More amazing similarities. The thought of prosperity made her frown momentarily, her eyes growing narrow. Mythril certainly paid Sousuke well, and frugal as he had been as a bachelor, he had aquired a respectable bankroll. At that moment, Kaname had a difficult time reconsiling the risks and the financial security they engendered.
To the Chinese, the Phoenix represents the union of yin and yang. It was portrayed as the most gentle of creatures, supposedly sitting or landing so lightly that it crushed or disturbed nothing. It lived entirely on dewdrops.
No. The Chinese can keep their version of the Phoenix. Kaname preferred the Greek version. Furthernore, the tailfeathers of the Chinese bird were black, white, red, green, and yellow. A horrid fashion statement.
From the earliest days of recorded history, man has always regarded fire as a sacred gift of the gods. Fire gives light and warmth. The sun does the same. No one should be surprised that early humans came to believe that the sun was a god, worshipping it. Fire also has the power to cleanse, to purify. In many forests and other environments, occasional widespread fires are necessary to burn away old and dead material, stimulating rebirth and new growth. If the fire did not blaze its firey path, the land would stagnate and die.
Kaname sat still a moment, temporarily forgetting about the book. The hardships and emotional difficulties she had faced over the past week had burned across her world like a roaring fire. At first, such unwanted challenges appeared likely to leave her life in shambles. Perhaps they had done more than that---what positive things might she take away from all this?
She remained lost in thought, thinking about her life with and without Sousuke. A few days ago, she clutched tightly to those memories at one moment---as if they were the only things keeping her afloat---only to see the same memories fill her with panic or sorrow moments later. Now, she could smile and hold onto hope instead.
Kaname thought about her earliest years, and how wonderful it was to be part of a loving family. It was one reason she was so happy with Sousuke---she had gained the chance to feel that way again. She could provide her children with the same wonderful opportunity. Her thoughts drifted to darker years. The loss of her mother. Leaving the land of her birth. Returning to a nation of people who did not seem to want her there. Living alone. Overcoming it all and earning her place in people's hearts and winning their admiration.
She remembered the first time she had seen Sousuke---mussed up hair, clueless look, an actual gun in his bookcase. That military moron! Oh, how he had made her life interesting early on. Interesting was the politically correct word. No doubt 'Sousuke' is a swear word in certain foreign languages. Intrusions into the girls' locker room. Tackling teachers. Destroying artwork. Blowing up shoeboxes and lockers. Kissing Mizuki! Bonta-Kun. Guns, grenades, knives, Arm Slaves, underwater sleds, submarines, and secret bases. Kidnapping, experimentation, escape, Whispered powers, traitors, take-overs, and rescues. Kurz and Melissa. Rivalry with Tessa. Faxes. Condoms. Misunderstandings. Hospitals. "Homework." BALLOONS! Dates. Cat Fights. Contests. Fishing. The Opera. More kidnapping, imprisonment, and scientific research. College. Lies and terrible loss. Drifting, searching, growing, moving on. Finding Sousuke again. Passion. Love. Togetherness. Engagement and early marriage. Children and the joys they brought.
It would be anyone's guess how long she might have stayed like that---thinking, smiling, hoping. The maid happened to look in the room and ask if she was alright. Snapping out of her reminiscince, Kaname thanked the woman for her concern and said that she was doing fine. She turned back to the book, trying to reconnect the caboose in her train of thought.
To the jeweler or refiner, fire is required to separate the dross from the gold. To the blacksmith or metalworker, fire is needed to temper the steel. But, those are not simple tasks. Nor are they without their share of danger. Purification by fire can be hazardous. It can readily get out of control. It must not be taken lightly.
Once again Kaname saw the parallels. She did not enjoy the process she was going through, but had managed to keep it within reasonable limits. Whether or not she would be stronger for it all remained to be seen. Her time in the fire was not over yet. The baby was on his way. Sousuke was not home.
According to legend, the Phoenix only appears in peaceful and prosperous times. hiding itself away in times of strife and trouble.
WRONG!!! If he hadn't died centuries ago, Herodotus would have gotten a nasty note or phonecall from Kaname.
Many people fear the renewing process or purification, even though it is needed periodically in the best and worst of times. They resist change at all cost, trying to hold onto their view of order, harmony, and reality. Disagreements are viewed as threats of great severity. And yet, chaos theory has taught scholars that the highest order is born from the greatest chaos. Where does the greatest creativity and learning take place? At the edge of chaos! Our personal fire and chaos can be an illness, a toubled relationship, a financial difficulty---Anything drastic and significant. We have the opportunity to rise wiser, better, stronger, and more focused on our goals in life. But, the new Phoenix takes great care to preserve the ashes of the past. It does not adhere to the past, unchanging. It remembers and honors the best of the past.
When she finished her reading, Kaname continued with her mission. When she finally decided to take a rest, she fixed herself a tall glass of tea and grabbed a plate of fruit to nibble on. She was chewing on her first mouthful when the phone rang.
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The telephone can be an ally or an enemy to the military wife. Sometimes, the woman is uncertain which it was until she puts the phone to her ear. The allegiance can change at any moment.
Kaname sat transfixed for a few rings, before checking the Caller ID and grabbing the handset before the answering machine kicked in.
It was Ayame.
"Kaname, it's been too long!" It had been two months since she had heard from her younger sister. She briefly wondered why Ayame's voice had such a vibrant quality to it.
"Yes it has. But that's not why you're calling. You have some big news to tell me." Kaname had a suspicion what it might be.
"I never could fool you, could I? Dad, yes. You, never. Except that time I left a message on Sousuke answering machine!" She had called Sousuke's answering machine once, at a time when when he and Kaname were living together, before their engagement. Her voice had been unrecognizable. She spoke as if she was someone who had shared a night of intimacy with Sousuke, looking for a repeat performance.
"Let's not bring that up now. Not if you want to have a cheerful conversation!" Kaname was only kidding. At the time of that earlier message, she had been rather demonstrative in a physical fashion. Poor Sousuke had suffered unfairly, but she maintained to this very day that he had deserved it. For something. It didn't matter what. There were a lot of things to choose from.
"OK, Sis. You can guess why I'm calling?" Ayame's voice left nothing to doubt.
"Breast implants?" Kaname had to keep from laughing. That was a sore subject with her sister. And their father. Ayame had no need for augmentation, but had wanted to enhance her visibility.
"Kaname!!!"
"No? Hmmm. Your first kiss? With a man?" She had caught her sister practicing her kissing on a mirror when she had returned to Japan for one visit. She had kept Ayame in the bathroom for more than an hour scrubbing off the lipstick residue.
"Very funny. Ha ha hahh."
"Congratulations." Kaname didn't want to cheapen the moment. "No wonder you sound so excited."
"Kaname, you didn't guess...."
"Oh, sorry. You and Doug are engaged?" That HAD to be the answer.
"Yes. Isn't it great news? We'll have to come to Japan to meet with you, Sousuke, and the kids. By the way, shouldn't you be in the hospital by now? What's taking that baby so long?"
"It won't be too much longer. I think I have started to feel true contractions." Kaname had noticed a feeling like a mild backache, and the contractions she was feeling had become more regular and more painful.
"Is Sousuke ready? Is he excited, or nervous?"
Kaname did not answer.
"Kaname? Are you still there? Are you in pain, Kaname?" Ayame wondered if her sister was unable to talk, going through an intense labor pain.
"I'm here, Ayame. Sousuke isn't." Kaname had wanted to elaborate voluntarily, but found it difficult to go any further without prompting. She DID want to talk about Sousuke, however.
"You mean he's still at work, or with the kids? Haven't you called him to come home?" Ayame sounded puzzled.
"No, Ayame. Sousuke isn't in the country."
This time there was silence on Ayame's end of the phone. "But..."
"He was away on business." Ayame had found out about Sousuke's profession, but they never spoke of it directly. "He was supposed to be gone less than a week. It's been more than two weeks. No one has heard from him." Kaname felt herself shivering ever so slightly. Her hand had a slight tremor.
"Oh no! Kaname, you must be so worried. Are you OK? I can catch a flight this afternoon if you need me!" Ayame would do just that if Kaname asked her to.
"It's all taken care of, Ayame. I've got people lined up for everything I need. There's nothing you can do to help bring Sousuke back to me. That's what I need most. You've helped a lot, just by calling." Kaname voice cracked, but she quickly recovered. "But let's talk more about you. This is a rather special phone call...."
They chatted a while longer until Kaname had needed to thank the maid and pay her for her hard work. It had been nice speaking with her sister. Kaname felt a little fresher, a little stronger. Another flap of the wings for the new Phoenix.
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Kaname took a brief tour of the apartment. Everything looked so clean, so nice. Everything smelled so fresh. That served to boost her spirit even further.
While there was still plenty of time, Kaname made certain that she had packed everything that she needed for the hospital. When she had finished, she wrote a short note for Sousuke, just in case he made it home safely after she had already left. No doubt he would have a good notion where she might be---if he didn't, people at the day care, elementary school, JSDF base, or her office could point him in the right direction. She wrote the note because it felt like the right thing to do. She made certain to write "I Love You" three times, underscored and emphasized.
When she passed her mucus plug, Kaname knew it was time to keep a written log of her contractions. She had passed some blood, but no more than the size of a 1 yen or 50 yen coin. There was no cause for concern.
When her contractions had reached a certain frequency and duration, it was time to start with her phone calls. She called Kyouko, who glady agreed to drive Moto back to the apartment after school. She was dialing the number for the Day Care Center when she heard a noise that made her catch her breath and put the handset back down again.
Keys in the front door.
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Souske had thanked the recovery squad and caught an immediate series of flights back to Japan. He had not headed back to the TDD-3 for debriefing. He did not see to the proper stowage of his surviving equipment. He did not eat, shower, change, or shave. He had been away from home for far too long. He didn't want to wait even a minute longer than he had to.
Certainly, Cmdr. Horowitz and Lt. Cmdr. Ben-Elieden might be enraged or unhappy, but Sousuke felt certain they would understand. He also felt certain that they had gotten his point---Mithril now needed Sousuke Sagara far more than Sousuke Sagara needed Mithril. He was grateful for all that had been done for him. He appreciated all of the opportunities that he had been given. But, he had given them everything that he had, again and again and again. It was time to take a little something back. Short of a hit squad, he did not fear any repercusion his actions might have. He doubted they would go that far!
As it was, he had come close to death far more times than he had expected to during this mission. He couldn't help but think about the dual life he led, and what effect his life or death would have on Kaname and the children. The battle had been necessary this time, and the outcome was the best they could have hoped for tactically. But, they had lost all four of the Aegis Arm Slaves, and of the four AEG pilots who headed out to war, only he and Melissa returned. There would be time before more AEG units could be bought and built. That would give Sousuke a reprieve, for certain. But, being one of only two people with a needed capability would prove to be a problem. Again and again and again.
The AEG-1 was a large ungainly beast, and Sousuke despised the craft for that reason. On the other hand, it was a phenomenal testbed of technology still in its infancy. The heavy Diffuser module could defeat or dimish the effects of handheld scalar weapons, some of which were still in the possession of Amalgam and groups they subcontracted work out to. The Lambda Disruptor could wreck havoc with an opposing AS's Lambda Driver capability---if it did not do the same to the given AS or its brethren. The weapons load was remarkable, as well. The tow capacity was unheard of.
The AEG craft would not replace the HBD-5s, M10s, or spare M9s, except in certain types of skirmishes. They would, however, play an ever increasing crucial role on the battlefield. That fact placed a lot of pressure squarely on Sousuke's shoulders. He wasn't certain that he wanted to carry that weight any longer. For the first time in his military career, he began to think about passing the torch. He wanted to continue in a training capacity...but he would have to give strong consideration to his participation in future combat operations.
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It was Sousuke. It had to be. Who else would have keys?
He hadn't called. Or if he had, he didn't leave a phone message. A part of Kaname was enraged. Sosuske would pay for that!
On the other hand, she doubted that she would ever forget the feeling she was experiencing now, waiting for that door to open. She would find a suitable way to reward him.
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The first thing Sousuke saw when he opened the door was Kaname---she was surrounded by a small suitcase, a travel tote, and a baby bag.
For a moment, he found he couldn't move. He couldn't speak. He couldn't hear. It felt as if time had stopped. His duffel bag fell to the floor. He dropped his keys.
He didn't notice how clean the apartment was. He took no notice of the fingerpaintings taped to the entryway wall. He had no opportunity to read the haiku taped to the opposite wall. His eyes remained glued to Kaname's face.
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They both started walking towards one another slowly, at the same time, as if by some unspoken agreement. Kaname saw that Sousuke was dirty, bloody, unshaven, with tattered clothing that looked more like rags than a uniform. He walked with a limp and held his left arm tightly against his side. One side of his face was swollen, and the area around one eye was darkly bruised.
He was the most wonderful sight that she had ever seen.
They stopped just short of one another, looking into one another's eyes. They both saw everything they wanted to see, and more. Their kiss wasn't the most exciting or romantic moment that they had ever shared, but both would be hardpressed to remember one they had looked forward to more than that. Kaname had promised herself that she wouldn't cry. She couldn't keep that promise. Sousuke had thought about many ways to apologize, but found he could say but four words.
"I love you, Kaname." At that moment, anything else would have been superfluous.
Kaname too had thought long and hard about what she wanted to say. Instead, she spoke the first words that came to mind.
"You BETTER, Sousuke!!!" She smiled, the tears still falling. Souske didn't need a translator. Those words meant 'I love you, Sousuke. But if I say it, I'll melt into a puddle on the floor.'
Those would have been appropos words at that moment. It had happened earlier than Kaname would have expected---her water broke.
"Sousuke, the water broke." It was time to get going.
"Kaname? That is not important now. I can call the plumber later...." Sousuke had a straight face. Kaname didn't know if he were joking, or lapsing back into a Sousuke moment.
"SOUSUKE!!!"
