[FIC] Class Act (part 1)
Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 12:36 am
Kyouko and Ren made certain to hide their smiles.
Kaname was looking at her newly purchased whistle with dreamy eyes, brushing her finger tips across its polished silver surface. She had to fight back the urge to put it to her lips and give it an authoritative blow.
Kyouko looked at Ren and winked.
“Are you certain you want to take this responsibility upon yourself, Kaname? After all, you must be exhausted after the planning you did.” That was asking a duck whether it liked to swim. “I’m certain we could find someone else to keep the class in line. Sousuke seems capable, and he is very well disciplined.”
“Sousuke?” Kaname was dragged out of her peaceful reverie. “Sousuke! She started to clench and unclench her fist. “Sure, if you want to stage a take over of the bus, or make an assault on the museum. I can just picture what would happen to priceless paintings and sculptures. Might as well ask the wolf to guard the sheep while your at it, Ky. Hmmpphh.”
“Well then, why not Miss Okibasu. She is our teacher, after all.” Ren’s question was reasonable.
“Ren, sometimes one person simply has to make sacrifices for the good of another.” Kaname stopped short of preening. “You know she’s new to the school, and she’s just finished going through a divorce. She simply does not need to take on any more stress at the moment.”
“Well then, Kaname, since you will be doing the room assignments for the hotel, are you going to do something like they did on G.T.O.? You know, boys rooming with girls?” Kyouko readied her camera. The flash was charged. “You could put Sousuke in your room. Or, next to a room joined by a door….” Kyouko’s face was the picture of innocence.
“Sousuke?” Kaname’s eyes bulged. She started working her jaw. “Sousuke, in MY room?” A plastic whistle would have cracked in her hand. SOUSUKE!!!” She yelled louder and shriller than she wanted too. It almost sounded as if she were in pain.
The girls blinked as a black flash passed before their eyes. It was Sousuke. There was a starled grunt, and the sound of something falling. A box landed on Kaname’s head, split open, and emptied its contents.
“Kaname! I have neutralized the attacker. Are you hurt?” Sousuke stood with one foot pinning an unconscious pizza delivery man to the ground. Nine out of ten boxes were scattered across the side lawn of the school.
“Rrrrrggghhh….” Kaname peeled a piece of pizza off of her favorite blouse, and fought to extract a piece tangled in her hair. Pepperoni was stuck to her ear like an earring. Anchovies looked like they were part of the pattern on her scarf. Her shoes looked somewhat less than appetizing, covered with onions and green pepper. “ATTACKER?!!!” She reached into her bag to grab the halisen. “The only attacker here was YOU, Sgt. Stupidity. When was the last time you read about a high school girl assaulted by a pizza delivery man?” Mt. Vesuvius would have looked at Kaname with unabashed jealousy.
Grinning, Kyouko and Ren took a couple of steps backward. Kyouko ran back, snagged a piece of pepperoni pizza, then returned.
“Miss Chidori, I do not expect you to be well versed in my line of work. In Belgrade, summer of ‘96, three government officials and a small dog were ambused and killed by a terrorist posing as a pizza delivery boy. In Liverpool, fall of ‘98...” Sousuke was not able to finish his lecture. A smack across the head with a halisen made him grimace.
“Yes, Sousuke. How VERY informative. Here’s another one for you. After assaulting an innocent pizza delivery man, a Jindai Highschool student was turned into pizza toppings after one otaku trick too many.” Watching Sousuke stepping away from her, Kaname came across a different idea. She put her whistle to her lips and blew, loud. “Sousuke Sagara, stand at attention. NOW, soldier!!!”
As a creature of habit, Sousuke immediately snapped to attention. Kaname got an extremely wicked smile. Kyouko and Ren looked at each other and shook their heads. “To the nearest wall, soldier. DOUBLE TIME!!!” Fire in her eyes, Kaname began running Sousuke. “Right…left…right…left…faster!”
Reaching the wall, Sousuke turned to look at Kaname, a question on his face.
“Now, sergeant, you will bang your head against that wall ten times. Each time you do, you will shout ”I will NOT tackle pizza delivery men ever again.” Do you understand me?!” Kaname’s hands were folded across her chest. The halisen was held like a baton.
“But Kaname, that order makes no sense. I….”
“NOW!!!. The halisen came around like a blindside punch. Wham!!!.
Thud. “I will NOT tackle pizza delivery men ever again…unless they are threatening Miss Chidori or…”
“INCORRECT!” Again, the halisen. Smack!!!
Thud. “I will NOT tackle pizza delivery men ever again.” Thud. “I will NOT tackle piza delivery men again.” Thud. “I will NOT tackle piza delivery men again.”
“EXCELLENT. ENOUGH PRACTICE. GIVE ME TEN, SOLDIER!!!”
“But…”
“NOW!!!. Once more, the paper fan. Whack.
Kyouko and Ren walked by, headed back inside, nibbling on pizza. “Maybe we should select Sousuke to lead us.” Kyouko took up a sprinter’s stance. “He did such a great job getting us food.”
Kaname whirled, glaring at her friend. “Kyouko!” Kaname blew her whistle. The halisen twitched in her hand.
Kyouko and Ren took off running.
************************************************************
The entire class was gathered in the gymnasium. Each student had his or her suitcase at the ready, as the field trip to the new Museum would take them all clear across Japan. Some of the students were clustered together, chattering with excitement. Some students sat on their luggage. A couple of boys had found a basketball and were shooting hoops.
Sousuke, apart from everyone else, rummaged through his large black sack, checking weapons, communications gear, First Aid kits, and homing beacons. His small number of identical clothes were crammed down at the bottom along with a toothbrush and a shaving kit. To save space, the shaving cream would double as tooth paste. The decision had been simple. It was toothpaste…or an extra clip of 7.62.
Kaname passed back and forth briskly, to wound up to stand still. She had her whistle around her neck. Earlier that day, Kyouko had joked that she, Ren, and Mizuke should try to find Kaname one of those light-up batons that emergency workers used. Kaname had overheard, made several phone calls, and came away disappointed. But, her spirits rose as soon as it was time to show everyone how lucky they were to have her in charge of things.
When Miss Okibasu started to walk to the head of the room, Kaname rushed up and blew her whistle.
Tweeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeet!!!!!!
“All right everybody, lets all gather round.” Kaname stood next to her teacher, surveying the room.
Tweeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!!!!
“Now, you should all give your FULL attention to Miss Okibasu!” The look on Kaname’s face made it clear what might happen to anyone who did not toe the line.
Speaking together in whispered tones, a number of boys decided to have fun at Kaname’s expense, in typical schoolboy fashion:
“Damn, she's she's good at blowing that thing!"
“Yeh, she could give me a whistle job any time she likes."
Loud snickers were followed by “I bet she got good at that by…”
Those eight words were followed by three hard thuds, as the boys’ heads dropped out of view.
“Wow, Sousuke. That was awesome. If I had blinked, I would have missed it.” Shinji had stars in his eyes.
Kaname was red in the face. She had started off thoroughly embarrassed, then became enraged when she realized what Sousuke had done. Miss Okibasu started to ask the class to settle down, but Kaname got there first.
Tweeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeeee!!!!!
“Sousuke Sagara, report to the front of the room immediately.” Kaname began tapping her left foot furiously as she took off her whistle and began spinning it around her finger.
“What is it Miss Chidori?” Sousuke stood at attention, his bag now at his feet.
“Could you please explain to the class exactly what it was you were doing? And WHY?” Kaname should have known better.
“Certainly. It is not a problem. Three boys were attempting to disrupt matters, by making inferences at your expense. No doubt they intended to repeat many of the things written about you on the walls in the Boys’ Room. For example, one writing said….”
Tweeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeee!!!!
The class was roaring with laughter. Kaname was beet red. Miss Okibasu looked crossly at Kaname’s whistle. Maya gave Ryo a high five, but pulled her hand away when Mizuke tried to do the same thing.
“Ah. For the sake of expediency, I shall continue, without making references to your bulky thighs, misshapen breasts, or nocturnal sexual escapades with various species.” Shinji began squeezing his legs tightly together. He had laughed so hard at Sousuke’s innocent comment that he almost peed his pants. “What I was doing was Bujutsu, the martial arts used by the Samurai. Why I was doing it was Bushido, the “Way of The Warrior,” a code of action encompassing loyalty, justice, sense of shame, manners, purity, modesty, and honor. Bushido came out of Buddhism, Zen, Confucianism, and Shintoism. From Buddhism it got….”
Tweeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee!!!!
“Thank you for telling us WAY more than we ever wanted to know. Now we should give our full attention to the Teacher.” Kaname put the whistle in her mouth again.
Miss Okibasu took the whistle away. The class applauded for three minutes straight, as Kaname’s posture slumped more and more. Seeing the look on Kaname’s face, the young teacher could not bring herself to appropriate the noisy implement. She handed it back to Kaname with a look that spoke volumes. Kaname stuffed the whistle into her skirt pocket.
“In orderly fashion, I would like to see the entire class volunteer for the various necessary duties.” As Miss Okibasu read off various tasks, everyone remained silent. When she was finished, she looked very disappointed. Kaname looked irate. “Miss Chidori, since we failed to get any volunteers, would you please assign the duties.”
Gleefully, Kaname gave each and every student an assignment to last the duration of the trip. Everyone except Sousuke.
“Miss Chidori, Should I assume that I will be handling the security matters. You did not assign me a duty on this mission!” Sousuke was standing with a rigid posture, eyes intense.
“Sousuke…Sousuke….Sousuke….how could I forget about you?” Kaname said. Under her breath she said, ”No matter how hard I try….". She walked over to stand in front of him. “I have the perfect job. While the rest of us are gone, you can stay at Jindai and make certain that our classrooms remain safe.”
Snickers and hushed titters spread amongst the assembled students.
“I see. That would be an honorable task. However, I am aware of a problem. If I were to stay here, how could I accompany you on the trip?” Sousuke’s face was very serious.
“Well, Sousuke, that is simply a sacrifice the rest of us will just have to be willing to live with. Now that we have everything settled…” Kaname smirk would not have looked out of place on a hyena.
“Miss Chidori….” Miss Okibasu’s look clearly showed her disapproval. She tapped her watch, letting Kaname know it was time to wrap things up.
“Well, let’s see. Do we need a garbage detail on this outing, Miss Okibasu?” Kaname fought to keep from smiling.
“No.”
“Ah. Then I will save that chore for our next upcoming trip. Let me see….” This time Kaname was interrupted by Kyouko.
“PSSSSSSST!!!!! Kaname” Kyouko was waving furiously, trying to get her friends attention. “Sousuke could help Miss Okibasu arrange details for the food.” She smiled. “Pizzzzzzzzaaaaaaa.”
Before anyone could stop her, Kaname brought the whistle back out.
Tweeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeee!!!!
The class had reached its limit. Like a heard of wildebeast confronted by a hunting lioness, the assembled group of students burst for the door as one.
Sousuke calmly headed out towards the bus.
************************************************************
A gargoyle scowling from the heights of the Notre Dame cathedral would have seemed more friendly and approachable than Kaname, as she checked each student aboard the bus.
”Too many bags. Choose two to leave behind.”
“Ditch the Physics book. There will be no school texts allowed on the bus.”
“Your hair is too long. There is time for a quick haircut. Go find the groundskeeper.”
“Get rid of that T-shirt. I can’t stand Puffy Amiyumi.”
“You bring enough of that to feed everyone.? No? CONFISCATED!”
“Turn that music player off! Ghost in The Shell soundtrack? SHEESH!!! Nerds to the BACK of the bus. Gundam fans, OFF OF THE BUS!!!”
“What YEAR did you last bathe in. Run! Go take a dip in the pool.”
“No. No. No. No. Fashion disaster. Oh, sorry Miss Okibasu. There was something in my eye. Really, it’s OK.”
And so it went. Kaname’s totalatarianistic approach was wearing thin. Still, everyone with a window seat nearest to the school had reason to smile. The end of the long queue of students was nearing an end. Only Sousuke remained. The anticipation was overwhelming. What would she do to him?
Tweeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeee. Tweeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeee eeeeeee!!!!
“OK, Sousuke. HALT! Put the bag down. Spread’em!” Kanamime swung the halisen back and forth slowly, like a pendulum.
Sousuke dropped his bag. If fell heavily and landed on Kaname’s foot.
“OWUCHE!!!” Kaname hopped about on one foot, biting her lip.
“My apologies. Too much starch. I shall inform the woman at the laundromat.” Sousuke stood, legs spread wide, arms behind his head.
A number of students jimmied the locks on the bus windows and opened them. “Go Sousuke!” some wit shouted. His call was answered by a lot of cheers and snickers.
“SOUSUKE…you…you…” Aware that she was under observation, Kaname fought to maintain her composure. “We’ll get to that damn bag in a minute. First, I need to make certain there are no concealed weapons.” She ran her hands in a patting action along Sousuke’s legs.
“Oh yeh! Strip Search!” It was Mizuke’s voice. A camera flash went off. Kaname did not need to look to know who was responsible. There was a lot of hooting and hollering from the girls on the bus. Kaname grinded her teeth together. She couldn’t afford to lose control of the situation.
“You missed his crotch. Who knows what he might hide in there?” another girl had gotten into the act.
“Uh…” Kaname blushed furiously. Her hand trembled and moved in response to her classmate’s suggestion. She stopped.
“If you…uh…need…uh….assistance, Kaname…I uh…can help…” Sousuke began to pull down on the zipper at his fly. Anything was possible if he considered it to be part of the mission.
“NO!!!” Kaname slapped his hand away. “This is silly, I should just trust you, right?” Kaname stood up, took a deep breath, and flipped back her hair.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. The class had voiced its opinion.
“I do not wish for you to complain later that I misled you, Miss Chidori…” Sousuke began pulling down the zipper.
Tweeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeee eeeeeeee eeeeee eeeeee!!!!
“Hands off soldier. That’s an ORDER!” Kaname slapped the halisen against her leg.
“Yes, Kaname.”
“OK. Now. The bag. Sousuke, what is in there? It had better NOT be weapons. We will not be taking the entire Arsenal Of Democracy with us on a school trip!”
“There is clothing in here, Chidori.” Sousuke spoke the truth. Partly.
“That is an awful lot of clothing. Mighty heavy, too. No weapons, Sousuke?” She watched his face very closely, to see if she could catch him in a lie. If the whole class wasn’t watching, she would have tripped Sousuke and jumped on the bag.
“Kaname, clothes can be used as weapons by a Specialist! For example, a woman’s brassiere can be used as a sling for tossing grenades. Silk stockings and lead weights make a good sap. A woman’s silk undergarments…” From the tone of his voice, it sounded as if Sousuke had an exhaustive list.
“BAKU!!! Enough. We don’t have time for this nonsense. Just get on the bus without causing any trouble.” Kaname would check the bag later. One never knows just what might get misplaced on a busy school trip.
“Hey, Sousuke. Shouldn’t you check Kaname?” Shinji felt bold enough to get into the act. “Who knows what SHE might be concealing. Maybe another whistle.” Laughing, the students actually stopped to cringe when they thought about that.
“Perhaps he is correct…” Sousuke said without thinking things through. He raised his hands on level with Kaname’s chest.
“PERVERT!” Kaname floored him with a fierce backhand swing, causing him to trip over his bag. She hurried onto the bus.
Boys and girls chatted happily together. This looked as if it were going to be a fun trip.
************************************************************
Sousuke was the last one on the bus. As he stood in the entryway, he noted a strange noise coming from the vicinity of the bus driver. A swarm of bees? A bad engine sound?
No. Snoring.
The door remained open. The bus remained still. The noise grew louder and louder.
“Sousuke, what are you doing? SIT DOWN!” Kaname sounded highly agitated.
“Yes. Sit down. On my lap!” Mizuke imitated Kaname. Leaning over the seat, she pushed Kyouko aside and grabbed the whistle.
Tweeeeeee eeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeee eeeee!
“On my lap. NOW, Sousuke!” Mizuke couldn’t take the joke any further. She burst into laughter, along with everyone else in earshot. People looked over at her.
“Do you hear me, soldier?!” Ren's imitation paled in comparison to Mizuke's. She almost looked embarrassed to be playing along.
“Lap!” That from Shinji.
“NOW!!!” Kyouko couldn’t help her self. She lowered her eyes when Kaname gave her an Et tu, Brute look.
Sousuke, naturally, was pretty much oblivious. He continued to stare at the bus driver. “Sir? SIR???” The man did not budge an inch. Sousuke pulled a flash bang out of his pocket.
Whammmmm.
“Hmmm…wha….urrr….oh. How may I help you young man?” The elderly man, eyeglass lens thicker than a coke bottle, blew his nose on his Pink Floyd ‘72 tour shirt.
“Sir, you were snoring!”
“Yes. Well, people do that when they are asleep, youngster. Right? Any way, don’t worry---it’s NOT narcolepsy.” The driver’s eyes began closing again.
Whammmmm.
“Oh. Yes. Not narcolepsy.” He looked more alert this time. A little more.
“That is encouraging….” Sousuke had his hand on another noise maker.
“Course, the doctors don’t know what it is….” More snoring.
“SOUSUKE! What are you doing up there?” Kaname stood up, preparing to see what kind of trouble Sousuke was causing.
“It is not a problem, Chidori. I am merely waking up the bus driver. Again.”
“Oh. Good.” Kaname sat down. Suddenly, Sousuke’s statement hit her. “What?”
Sousuke removed a roll of wire from his pocket. He slid on a rubberized glove, then stuck one end of the wire into a power outlet on the bus dashboard. The other end went to the man’s buttock.
“Oooooooh. Holy Mother of….” The driver was awake again. Sousuke left the wire in place.
“Sir, there is a question I feel compelled to ask.”
“Shoot, sonny.”
“Better not put it that way.” Shinji’s helpful voice filtered up to the front.
“Sir, where have you done your Defensive Driving and Evasive Skills training?”
“Huh?”
“Vance International? U.S. Marine Corps course? Driscoll Bodyguard network?”
“Nope. None of those…” The old man’s hair was still standing on end.
“Bobby Ore Sports? Dr. Ishihara’s school? HK International?”
“Can’t say that I have.” he opened the window and spat. Again. Again. And again. Spittle hung down from his chin to the floor. A number of girls on the bus began to turn green. “Of course, I always try to evade the cars in front of me. Hitting them leads to a world of trouble. I should know that by now!”
Elsewhere in the bus, Miss Okibasu asked Kaname quietly “Kaname, you DID check his credentials, didn’t you?”
“Yes. They said he was quiet remarkable. Always did a smash-up job. I thought that meant….” Kaname had a feeling of dread deep in the pit of her stomach.
“Great. smash up.” One girl sounded truly frightened.
“We’re going to die. We’re ALL going to die-ie-ie-ie-ie-ie-ie.” Highschool boys always tend to be helpful around frightened girls.
“Here I was, thinking you were my friend, Kaname.” Ren’s grin was huge. Kyouko pretended to pass out. Mizuke tried to climb out a window. Shinji held up what he was writing: My Last Will & Testament.
Meanwhile, Sousuke continued his enlightening discourse with the old gentleman. “Sir, where then exactly have you received your anti-terrorist training?”
“Sonny, to me anti-terrorist driving is putting the missus in the back seat.” More spitting. He missed the window this time. “I’m just a bus driver, not some kind of spy.”
“That is most unfortunate. Safety is of paramount importance.”
The old man laughed. “Well, Mister particular…why don’t YOU drive. I’m sure you can do a better job than me…”
“Affirmative. I accept your professional assessment and obligation. You may recline in the first row of seats. It will provide you with a better rest.”
Chuckling, the erstwhile bus driver did just as Sousuke suggested. The young Mithril operative took his place behind the wheel.
“SOUSUKE! What are you doing. This is no time for joking. Go take your seat. NOW!!!” Kaname was standing, hands on her hips.
Luckily, she did not hear what Ren whispered to Kyouko. “He’s probably a good driver. Lord knows, he’s driving Kaname crazy…” Kyouko took a picture of Sousuke in the driver’s seat.
“Chidori, I AM in my seat. The bus driver that you have selected is not qualified, physically or professionally.”
“Oh, and YOU are, Sousuke?” Kaname was incredulous. Even Sousuke wouldn’t go this far.
“Yes. In Afghanistan, I had ample opportunity to become adept at driving BTR-60s…GAZ 46 jeeps…ZIL 3 ½ ton 6x6 trucks…the ZIL 130 4x2 version…BAZ armored ammunition carriers…T-64 and T-72 tanks…and a wide variety of old model automobiles. There are…other things that I pilot as well. No. Forget I mentioned that. I am NOT a pilot…merely a high school student.”
“I don’t care if you’re driven the Sun god’s chariot, mister! You don’t even have a learner’s permit, do you?” Kaname brought the whistle closer and closer to his lips.
“There are few other options, Chidori. Miss Okibasu could drive. But, she is very tired looking. We could call the agency you employed, but I hardly view them as trustworthy. They were kind enough to provide us with a bus, however.” Kaname did not like the way that sounded coming out of Sousuke’s lips. “There are people that I know that I might be able to contact. That would lead to a few hours delay. Yes. That is indeed a preferable solution. That way I can sit next to you and keep you safe.” Sousuke stood up and started to walk.
Kaname froze momentarily. “Sousuke. Sit back DOWN!!!! We are already behind schedule. If you have driven all that military stuff, surely you can drive a bus…”
Miss Okinbasu opened her mouth to speak. Shaking her head, she decided not to. She was still feeling somewhat down. Whatever happened, happened.
The brakes hissed. The engine roared to life. Blinker on, Sousuke pulled the bus away from the curb.
************************************************************
End of pt 1
Kaname was looking at her newly purchased whistle with dreamy eyes, brushing her finger tips across its polished silver surface. She had to fight back the urge to put it to her lips and give it an authoritative blow.
Kyouko looked at Ren and winked.
“Are you certain you want to take this responsibility upon yourself, Kaname? After all, you must be exhausted after the planning you did.” That was asking a duck whether it liked to swim. “I’m certain we could find someone else to keep the class in line. Sousuke seems capable, and he is very well disciplined.”
“Sousuke?” Kaname was dragged out of her peaceful reverie. “Sousuke! She started to clench and unclench her fist. “Sure, if you want to stage a take over of the bus, or make an assault on the museum. I can just picture what would happen to priceless paintings and sculptures. Might as well ask the wolf to guard the sheep while your at it, Ky. Hmmpphh.”
“Well then, why not Miss Okibasu. She is our teacher, after all.” Ren’s question was reasonable.
“Ren, sometimes one person simply has to make sacrifices for the good of another.” Kaname stopped short of preening. “You know she’s new to the school, and she’s just finished going through a divorce. She simply does not need to take on any more stress at the moment.”
“Well then, Kaname, since you will be doing the room assignments for the hotel, are you going to do something like they did on G.T.O.? You know, boys rooming with girls?” Kyouko readied her camera. The flash was charged. “You could put Sousuke in your room. Or, next to a room joined by a door….” Kyouko’s face was the picture of innocence.
“Sousuke?” Kaname’s eyes bulged. She started working her jaw. “Sousuke, in MY room?” A plastic whistle would have cracked in her hand. SOUSUKE!!!” She yelled louder and shriller than she wanted too. It almost sounded as if she were in pain.
The girls blinked as a black flash passed before their eyes. It was Sousuke. There was a starled grunt, and the sound of something falling. A box landed on Kaname’s head, split open, and emptied its contents.
“Kaname! I have neutralized the attacker. Are you hurt?” Sousuke stood with one foot pinning an unconscious pizza delivery man to the ground. Nine out of ten boxes were scattered across the side lawn of the school.
“Rrrrrggghhh….” Kaname peeled a piece of pizza off of her favorite blouse, and fought to extract a piece tangled in her hair. Pepperoni was stuck to her ear like an earring. Anchovies looked like they were part of the pattern on her scarf. Her shoes looked somewhat less than appetizing, covered with onions and green pepper. “ATTACKER?!!!” She reached into her bag to grab the halisen. “The only attacker here was YOU, Sgt. Stupidity. When was the last time you read about a high school girl assaulted by a pizza delivery man?” Mt. Vesuvius would have looked at Kaname with unabashed jealousy.
Grinning, Kyouko and Ren took a couple of steps backward. Kyouko ran back, snagged a piece of pepperoni pizza, then returned.
“Miss Chidori, I do not expect you to be well versed in my line of work. In Belgrade, summer of ‘96, three government officials and a small dog were ambused and killed by a terrorist posing as a pizza delivery boy. In Liverpool, fall of ‘98...” Sousuke was not able to finish his lecture. A smack across the head with a halisen made him grimace.
“Yes, Sousuke. How VERY informative. Here’s another one for you. After assaulting an innocent pizza delivery man, a Jindai Highschool student was turned into pizza toppings after one otaku trick too many.” Watching Sousuke stepping away from her, Kaname came across a different idea. She put her whistle to her lips and blew, loud. “Sousuke Sagara, stand at attention. NOW, soldier!!!”
As a creature of habit, Sousuke immediately snapped to attention. Kaname got an extremely wicked smile. Kyouko and Ren looked at each other and shook their heads. “To the nearest wall, soldier. DOUBLE TIME!!!” Fire in her eyes, Kaname began running Sousuke. “Right…left…right…left…faster!”
Reaching the wall, Sousuke turned to look at Kaname, a question on his face.
“Now, sergeant, you will bang your head against that wall ten times. Each time you do, you will shout ”I will NOT tackle pizza delivery men ever again.” Do you understand me?!” Kaname’s hands were folded across her chest. The halisen was held like a baton.
“But Kaname, that order makes no sense. I….”
“NOW!!!. The halisen came around like a blindside punch. Wham!!!.
Thud. “I will NOT tackle pizza delivery men ever again…unless they are threatening Miss Chidori or…”
“INCORRECT!” Again, the halisen. Smack!!!
Thud. “I will NOT tackle pizza delivery men ever again.” Thud. “I will NOT tackle piza delivery men again.” Thud. “I will NOT tackle piza delivery men again.”
“EXCELLENT. ENOUGH PRACTICE. GIVE ME TEN, SOLDIER!!!”
“But…”
“NOW!!!. Once more, the paper fan. Whack.
Kyouko and Ren walked by, headed back inside, nibbling on pizza. “Maybe we should select Sousuke to lead us.” Kyouko took up a sprinter’s stance. “He did such a great job getting us food.”
Kaname whirled, glaring at her friend. “Kyouko!” Kaname blew her whistle. The halisen twitched in her hand.
Kyouko and Ren took off running.
************************************************************
The entire class was gathered in the gymnasium. Each student had his or her suitcase at the ready, as the field trip to the new Museum would take them all clear across Japan. Some of the students were clustered together, chattering with excitement. Some students sat on their luggage. A couple of boys had found a basketball and were shooting hoops.
Sousuke, apart from everyone else, rummaged through his large black sack, checking weapons, communications gear, First Aid kits, and homing beacons. His small number of identical clothes were crammed down at the bottom along with a toothbrush and a shaving kit. To save space, the shaving cream would double as tooth paste. The decision had been simple. It was toothpaste…or an extra clip of 7.62.
Kaname passed back and forth briskly, to wound up to stand still. She had her whistle around her neck. Earlier that day, Kyouko had joked that she, Ren, and Mizuke should try to find Kaname one of those light-up batons that emergency workers used. Kaname had overheard, made several phone calls, and came away disappointed. But, her spirits rose as soon as it was time to show everyone how lucky they were to have her in charge of things.
When Miss Okibasu started to walk to the head of the room, Kaname rushed up and blew her whistle.
Tweeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeet!!!!!!
“All right everybody, lets all gather round.” Kaname stood next to her teacher, surveying the room.
Tweeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!!!!
“Now, you should all give your FULL attention to Miss Okibasu!” The look on Kaname’s face made it clear what might happen to anyone who did not toe the line.
Speaking together in whispered tones, a number of boys decided to have fun at Kaname’s expense, in typical schoolboy fashion:
“Damn, she's she's good at blowing that thing!"
“Yeh, she could give me a whistle job any time she likes."
Loud snickers were followed by “I bet she got good at that by…”
Those eight words were followed by three hard thuds, as the boys’ heads dropped out of view.
“Wow, Sousuke. That was awesome. If I had blinked, I would have missed it.” Shinji had stars in his eyes.
Kaname was red in the face. She had started off thoroughly embarrassed, then became enraged when she realized what Sousuke had done. Miss Okibasu started to ask the class to settle down, but Kaname got there first.
Tweeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeeee!!!!!
“Sousuke Sagara, report to the front of the room immediately.” Kaname began tapping her left foot furiously as she took off her whistle and began spinning it around her finger.
“What is it Miss Chidori?” Sousuke stood at attention, his bag now at his feet.
“Could you please explain to the class exactly what it was you were doing? And WHY?” Kaname should have known better.
“Certainly. It is not a problem. Three boys were attempting to disrupt matters, by making inferences at your expense. No doubt they intended to repeat many of the things written about you on the walls in the Boys’ Room. For example, one writing said….”
Tweeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeee!!!!
The class was roaring with laughter. Kaname was beet red. Miss Okibasu looked crossly at Kaname’s whistle. Maya gave Ryo a high five, but pulled her hand away when Mizuke tried to do the same thing.
“Ah. For the sake of expediency, I shall continue, without making references to your bulky thighs, misshapen breasts, or nocturnal sexual escapades with various species.” Shinji began squeezing his legs tightly together. He had laughed so hard at Sousuke’s innocent comment that he almost peed his pants. “What I was doing was Bujutsu, the martial arts used by the Samurai. Why I was doing it was Bushido, the “Way of The Warrior,” a code of action encompassing loyalty, justice, sense of shame, manners, purity, modesty, and honor. Bushido came out of Buddhism, Zen, Confucianism, and Shintoism. From Buddhism it got….”
Tweeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee!!!!
“Thank you for telling us WAY more than we ever wanted to know. Now we should give our full attention to the Teacher.” Kaname put the whistle in her mouth again.
Miss Okibasu took the whistle away. The class applauded for three minutes straight, as Kaname’s posture slumped more and more. Seeing the look on Kaname’s face, the young teacher could not bring herself to appropriate the noisy implement. She handed it back to Kaname with a look that spoke volumes. Kaname stuffed the whistle into her skirt pocket.
“In orderly fashion, I would like to see the entire class volunteer for the various necessary duties.” As Miss Okibasu read off various tasks, everyone remained silent. When she was finished, she looked very disappointed. Kaname looked irate. “Miss Chidori, since we failed to get any volunteers, would you please assign the duties.”
Gleefully, Kaname gave each and every student an assignment to last the duration of the trip. Everyone except Sousuke.
“Miss Chidori, Should I assume that I will be handling the security matters. You did not assign me a duty on this mission!” Sousuke was standing with a rigid posture, eyes intense.
“Sousuke…Sousuke….Sousuke….how could I forget about you?” Kaname said. Under her breath she said, ”No matter how hard I try….". She walked over to stand in front of him. “I have the perfect job. While the rest of us are gone, you can stay at Jindai and make certain that our classrooms remain safe.”
Snickers and hushed titters spread amongst the assembled students.
“I see. That would be an honorable task. However, I am aware of a problem. If I were to stay here, how could I accompany you on the trip?” Sousuke’s face was very serious.
“Well, Sousuke, that is simply a sacrifice the rest of us will just have to be willing to live with. Now that we have everything settled…” Kaname smirk would not have looked out of place on a hyena.
“Miss Chidori….” Miss Okibasu’s look clearly showed her disapproval. She tapped her watch, letting Kaname know it was time to wrap things up.
“Well, let’s see. Do we need a garbage detail on this outing, Miss Okibasu?” Kaname fought to keep from smiling.
“No.”
“Ah. Then I will save that chore for our next upcoming trip. Let me see….” This time Kaname was interrupted by Kyouko.
“PSSSSSSST!!!!! Kaname” Kyouko was waving furiously, trying to get her friends attention. “Sousuke could help Miss Okibasu arrange details for the food.” She smiled. “Pizzzzzzzzaaaaaaa.”
Before anyone could stop her, Kaname brought the whistle back out.
Tweeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeee!!!!
The class had reached its limit. Like a heard of wildebeast confronted by a hunting lioness, the assembled group of students burst for the door as one.
Sousuke calmly headed out towards the bus.
************************************************************
A gargoyle scowling from the heights of the Notre Dame cathedral would have seemed more friendly and approachable than Kaname, as she checked each student aboard the bus.
”Too many bags. Choose two to leave behind.”
“Ditch the Physics book. There will be no school texts allowed on the bus.”
“Your hair is too long. There is time for a quick haircut. Go find the groundskeeper.”
“Get rid of that T-shirt. I can’t stand Puffy Amiyumi.”
“You bring enough of that to feed everyone.? No? CONFISCATED!”
“Turn that music player off! Ghost in The Shell soundtrack? SHEESH!!! Nerds to the BACK of the bus. Gundam fans, OFF OF THE BUS!!!”
“What YEAR did you last bathe in. Run! Go take a dip in the pool.”
“No. No. No. No. Fashion disaster. Oh, sorry Miss Okibasu. There was something in my eye. Really, it’s OK.”
And so it went. Kaname’s totalatarianistic approach was wearing thin. Still, everyone with a window seat nearest to the school had reason to smile. The end of the long queue of students was nearing an end. Only Sousuke remained. The anticipation was overwhelming. What would she do to him?
Tweeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeee. Tweeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeee eeeeeee!!!!
“OK, Sousuke. HALT! Put the bag down. Spread’em!” Kanamime swung the halisen back and forth slowly, like a pendulum.
Sousuke dropped his bag. If fell heavily and landed on Kaname’s foot.
“OWUCHE!!!” Kaname hopped about on one foot, biting her lip.
“My apologies. Too much starch. I shall inform the woman at the laundromat.” Sousuke stood, legs spread wide, arms behind his head.
A number of students jimmied the locks on the bus windows and opened them. “Go Sousuke!” some wit shouted. His call was answered by a lot of cheers and snickers.
“SOUSUKE…you…you…” Aware that she was under observation, Kaname fought to maintain her composure. “We’ll get to that damn bag in a minute. First, I need to make certain there are no concealed weapons.” She ran her hands in a patting action along Sousuke’s legs.
“Oh yeh! Strip Search!” It was Mizuke’s voice. A camera flash went off. Kaname did not need to look to know who was responsible. There was a lot of hooting and hollering from the girls on the bus. Kaname grinded her teeth together. She couldn’t afford to lose control of the situation.
“You missed his crotch. Who knows what he might hide in there?” another girl had gotten into the act.
“Uh…” Kaname blushed furiously. Her hand trembled and moved in response to her classmate’s suggestion. She stopped.
“If you…uh…need…uh….assistance, Kaname…I uh…can help…” Sousuke began to pull down on the zipper at his fly. Anything was possible if he considered it to be part of the mission.
“NO!!!” Kaname slapped his hand away. “This is silly, I should just trust you, right?” Kaname stood up, took a deep breath, and flipped back her hair.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. The class had voiced its opinion.
“I do not wish for you to complain later that I misled you, Miss Chidori…” Sousuke began pulling down the zipper.
Tweeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeee eeeeeeee eeeeee eeeeee!!!!
“Hands off soldier. That’s an ORDER!” Kaname slapped the halisen against her leg.
“Yes, Kaname.”
“OK. Now. The bag. Sousuke, what is in there? It had better NOT be weapons. We will not be taking the entire Arsenal Of Democracy with us on a school trip!”
“There is clothing in here, Chidori.” Sousuke spoke the truth. Partly.
“That is an awful lot of clothing. Mighty heavy, too. No weapons, Sousuke?” She watched his face very closely, to see if she could catch him in a lie. If the whole class wasn’t watching, she would have tripped Sousuke and jumped on the bag.
“Kaname, clothes can be used as weapons by a Specialist! For example, a woman’s brassiere can be used as a sling for tossing grenades. Silk stockings and lead weights make a good sap. A woman’s silk undergarments…” From the tone of his voice, it sounded as if Sousuke had an exhaustive list.
“BAKU!!! Enough. We don’t have time for this nonsense. Just get on the bus without causing any trouble.” Kaname would check the bag later. One never knows just what might get misplaced on a busy school trip.
“Hey, Sousuke. Shouldn’t you check Kaname?” Shinji felt bold enough to get into the act. “Who knows what SHE might be concealing. Maybe another whistle.” Laughing, the students actually stopped to cringe when they thought about that.
“Perhaps he is correct…” Sousuke said without thinking things through. He raised his hands on level with Kaname’s chest.
“PERVERT!” Kaname floored him with a fierce backhand swing, causing him to trip over his bag. She hurried onto the bus.
Boys and girls chatted happily together. This looked as if it were going to be a fun trip.
************************************************************
Sousuke was the last one on the bus. As he stood in the entryway, he noted a strange noise coming from the vicinity of the bus driver. A swarm of bees? A bad engine sound?
No. Snoring.
The door remained open. The bus remained still. The noise grew louder and louder.
“Sousuke, what are you doing? SIT DOWN!” Kaname sounded highly agitated.
“Yes. Sit down. On my lap!” Mizuke imitated Kaname. Leaning over the seat, she pushed Kyouko aside and grabbed the whistle.
Tweeeeeee eeeeee eeeeeeee eeeeee eeeee!
“On my lap. NOW, Sousuke!” Mizuke couldn’t take the joke any further. She burst into laughter, along with everyone else in earshot. People looked over at her.
“Do you hear me, soldier?!” Ren's imitation paled in comparison to Mizuke's. She almost looked embarrassed to be playing along.
“Lap!” That from Shinji.
“NOW!!!” Kyouko couldn’t help her self. She lowered her eyes when Kaname gave her an Et tu, Brute look.
Sousuke, naturally, was pretty much oblivious. He continued to stare at the bus driver. “Sir? SIR???” The man did not budge an inch. Sousuke pulled a flash bang out of his pocket.
Whammmmm.
“Hmmm…wha….urrr….oh. How may I help you young man?” The elderly man, eyeglass lens thicker than a coke bottle, blew his nose on his Pink Floyd ‘72 tour shirt.
“Sir, you were snoring!”
“Yes. Well, people do that when they are asleep, youngster. Right? Any way, don’t worry---it’s NOT narcolepsy.” The driver’s eyes began closing again.
Whammmmm.
“Oh. Yes. Not narcolepsy.” He looked more alert this time. A little more.
“That is encouraging….” Sousuke had his hand on another noise maker.
“Course, the doctors don’t know what it is….” More snoring.
“SOUSUKE! What are you doing up there?” Kaname stood up, preparing to see what kind of trouble Sousuke was causing.
“It is not a problem, Chidori. I am merely waking up the bus driver. Again.”
“Oh. Good.” Kaname sat down. Suddenly, Sousuke’s statement hit her. “What?”
Sousuke removed a roll of wire from his pocket. He slid on a rubberized glove, then stuck one end of the wire into a power outlet on the bus dashboard. The other end went to the man’s buttock.
“Oooooooh. Holy Mother of….” The driver was awake again. Sousuke left the wire in place.
“Sir, there is a question I feel compelled to ask.”
“Shoot, sonny.”
“Better not put it that way.” Shinji’s helpful voice filtered up to the front.
“Sir, where have you done your Defensive Driving and Evasive Skills training?”
“Huh?”
“Vance International? U.S. Marine Corps course? Driscoll Bodyguard network?”
“Nope. None of those…” The old man’s hair was still standing on end.
“Bobby Ore Sports? Dr. Ishihara’s school? HK International?”
“Can’t say that I have.” he opened the window and spat. Again. Again. And again. Spittle hung down from his chin to the floor. A number of girls on the bus began to turn green. “Of course, I always try to evade the cars in front of me. Hitting them leads to a world of trouble. I should know that by now!”
Elsewhere in the bus, Miss Okibasu asked Kaname quietly “Kaname, you DID check his credentials, didn’t you?”
“Yes. They said he was quiet remarkable. Always did a smash-up job. I thought that meant….” Kaname had a feeling of dread deep in the pit of her stomach.
“Great. smash up.” One girl sounded truly frightened.
“We’re going to die. We’re ALL going to die-ie-ie-ie-ie-ie-ie.” Highschool boys always tend to be helpful around frightened girls.
“Here I was, thinking you were my friend, Kaname.” Ren’s grin was huge. Kyouko pretended to pass out. Mizuke tried to climb out a window. Shinji held up what he was writing: My Last Will & Testament.
Meanwhile, Sousuke continued his enlightening discourse with the old gentleman. “Sir, where then exactly have you received your anti-terrorist training?”
“Sonny, to me anti-terrorist driving is putting the missus in the back seat.” More spitting. He missed the window this time. “I’m just a bus driver, not some kind of spy.”
“That is most unfortunate. Safety is of paramount importance.”
The old man laughed. “Well, Mister particular…why don’t YOU drive. I’m sure you can do a better job than me…”
“Affirmative. I accept your professional assessment and obligation. You may recline in the first row of seats. It will provide you with a better rest.”
Chuckling, the erstwhile bus driver did just as Sousuke suggested. The young Mithril operative took his place behind the wheel.
“SOUSUKE! What are you doing. This is no time for joking. Go take your seat. NOW!!!” Kaname was standing, hands on her hips.
Luckily, she did not hear what Ren whispered to Kyouko. “He’s probably a good driver. Lord knows, he’s driving Kaname crazy…” Kyouko took a picture of Sousuke in the driver’s seat.
“Chidori, I AM in my seat. The bus driver that you have selected is not qualified, physically or professionally.”
“Oh, and YOU are, Sousuke?” Kaname was incredulous. Even Sousuke wouldn’t go this far.
“Yes. In Afghanistan, I had ample opportunity to become adept at driving BTR-60s…GAZ 46 jeeps…ZIL 3 ½ ton 6x6 trucks…the ZIL 130 4x2 version…BAZ armored ammunition carriers…T-64 and T-72 tanks…and a wide variety of old model automobiles. There are…other things that I pilot as well. No. Forget I mentioned that. I am NOT a pilot…merely a high school student.”
“I don’t care if you’re driven the Sun god’s chariot, mister! You don’t even have a learner’s permit, do you?” Kaname brought the whistle closer and closer to his lips.
“There are few other options, Chidori. Miss Okibasu could drive. But, she is very tired looking. We could call the agency you employed, but I hardly view them as trustworthy. They were kind enough to provide us with a bus, however.” Kaname did not like the way that sounded coming out of Sousuke’s lips. “There are people that I know that I might be able to contact. That would lead to a few hours delay. Yes. That is indeed a preferable solution. That way I can sit next to you and keep you safe.” Sousuke stood up and started to walk.
Kaname froze momentarily. “Sousuke. Sit back DOWN!!!! We are already behind schedule. If you have driven all that military stuff, surely you can drive a bus…”
Miss Okinbasu opened her mouth to speak. Shaking her head, she decided not to. She was still feeling somewhat down. Whatever happened, happened.
The brakes hissed. The engine roared to life. Blinker on, Sousuke pulled the bus away from the curb.
************************************************************
End of pt 1
