[FIC] Christmas Cake (pt. 3)
Posted: Sun Jun 06, 2004 3:27 pm
Sousuke stood silently, sweeping the last of the classrooms.
It was late.
The other students had left long ago.
After a bit of finger wagging and lecturing from his teacher, he had set about on his Detention duties.
The long sweeping motion of his arms and the rhythmic pattern of his actions lulled his mind to a contemplative state.
He thought about Kaname.
When she said that she hated him, it made him feel hollow inside. All of his recent thoughts had seemed to have been pointless, a mental Maginot Line. He had already been confused to begin with. He certainly didn’t need something else to tie his neurons in a tangle.
But, Sousuke remembered a different time. He had come back from the South China Sea, finished with an abortive mission meant to find the terrorist group A21. Walking across the softball field while Kaname was running the bases, he had mentioned that he had forgotten the study session that she had arranged with him. Kaname hit him on the back of the head with second base.
At lunch time, Kaname shared food with her friends that she worked hard to make for him that night before---the night he never showed up. When the girls called him over to their table against her wishes, he presented Kaname with the special jewelry he had made for her, stressing the importance of its practicality. She took offense at that and detonated a flash bang in his face. On the walk home he asked her to reconcile their relationship and she had been angered by his narrow view of duty and obligation.
She had said ‘You make it really easy to hate you.’
That had hurt, even though he wasn’t certain just why back then. He hadn’t cared about anything as useless as reasons and feelings. He simply catalogued the discomfort and went about his duty. Pain was a common occurrence in his line of work. It was best not to dwell on it.
It had been a lonely walk back to his apartment that evening, nonetheless.
Sousuke stopped sweeping. He was feeling lonely now as well. But, that was not Kaname’s fault. There was no way a soldier on duty should find himself in a situation where he is too attached to the person he is guarding. How the mighty had fallen. Sousuke Sagara, ace Arm Slave pilot---scourge of evil doers from the jungles of South America to the rice paddies of Southeast Asia. Sousuke Sagara, melancholy student, pining away after who knows what.
“Hate….” he said. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing. His attention was focused totally inward---he didn’t take notice of someone standing in the dark outside of the room.
He shook his head and straightened his back, then got back to sweeping.
“Hate is not a problem.”
Sousuke Sagara, soldier of Mithril, had been hated by numerous enemies on countless missions. Hate had not stunted his growth. It had not spoiled his aim or lessened his stamina. He could not recall any time where hate had adversely affected his reflexes.
“It appears that I am the problem.”
Bending over with a dustpan, he saw a magazine someone had careless tossed aside. He picked it up, intending to throw it away. Instead, he stared at the cover. It was ‘CREA,’ one of the mainstream publications favored by the popular crowd.
The boy and girl pictured on the cover held his attention. The girl was pretty and smiling. She was happy. She was hanging onto the boy. There was no halisen in sight. The boy was dressed in the latest fashion, a sweater tied around his neck. He too looked happy. He held a music player in one hand and wore a pair of earphones. His outfit showed no tell-tale signs of a concealed weapon.
‘Top 50 things for teens to do in Tokyo,’ one header read. ‘Expert tips for the greatest date,’ another exclaimed. ‘Planning for your future---do’s and don’ts for the teen on the go.’ Sousuke opened the magazine cautiously, almost as if it were a door to an enemy hideaway filled with traps to catch the unwary. The first article he saw was titled ‘The Teen Years---enjoy them while they last.’
He leafed threw a number of pages and stopped to read some of the articles and exposes. He closed the magazine….walked over to the garbage can…. looked at the cover again… then dropped the publication into the receptacle.
Shrugging his shoulders, he walked back over to his broom. Still thinking about what it might be like to be a simple teenager, he took out his Glock and looked at it. He fought the urge to break it down and put it back together. Likewise, he refused to take out the clip and confirm how many rounds were left. The handle was smooth and worn. The scratches and nicks each had a story to tell. It felt like a part of his hand.
‘Glock 17’ wasn’t listed under ‘Expert tips.’ ‘Electronics trouble-shooting and late night suveillance’ didn’t make the ‘Top 50.’ He had seen no mention of ’Blood, death, and mayhem’ under ‘Planning for your future.’ Enjoy the teen years? The same way he had enjoyed his early childhood? What did arbitrary age categories matter to a soldier who had started killing before he was strong enough to carry a wounded soldier from the killing grounds? What did they mean to someone who would fight until someday he was dead, or could no longer hold up a weapon?
Life marched on. Comrades came and went. Everything was fleeting. He had no business wondering if the grass was greener on the other side. It had been foolish to pin his hopes on something, even if for a few brief moments.
Anger flared up inside him. Before he realized what he was doing, Sousuke kicked a desk as hard as he could. It flew up against one wall, knocking a number of items off of a bulletin board before tumbling over the teacher’s desk and knocking a line of erasers off the bottom of the blackboard. He picked up a chair and was about to throw it out a window. He got himself under control just in time.
“No. It is better this way.”
The loss of control shocked Sousuke and caused him to close his eyes and take a number of deep breaths. Why was he feeling this way? How was today REALLY any different than the day before? A card? An invitation? Some time spent examining his feelings? A disappointment? Ridiculous! Especially for a Specialist….
Indeed. It was irresponsible to let emotions intrude on his carefully scripted mission parameters. He could not serve Kaname to the best of his abilities that way. Then again, maybe his best was not good enough. Was he in any way an asset in Kaname’s life? If her reaction that afternoon was any indication, he might well be a greater imposition on her than her being Whispered was. She was a potential target. He was a definite disruption.
It didn’t matter that he always tried his very best, or that everything he did was with her best interest in mind. He risked his life for her without hesitation or remorse. And despite all that, it seemed that he made her miserable. Was her life any better because of his protection---he had his doubts, realizing at that moment that he very much wanted her life to be happy. Not only did he want her life to be better, he wished to be the reason for that improvement.
He had overstepped his bounds.
There was no denying that being a soldier had made him a poor teenager. Would the teenager in him make him a poor soldier? Was there some way to please both sides? Did he need to choose one or the other?
Was it too late?
It was probably best that Kaname said what she did. He was going to accept her invitation. That might have ended up leading him even more astray.
“Kaname.”
He rested a moment. After wiping the sweat off of his brow with his shirt tail, he took out the card to look at it. Kaname must have worked hard at the calligraphy. The parchment looked expensive. He held the paper up to his nose and inhaled slowly, his eyes closed. Nice. Soothing. Even slightly provocative, to his embarrassment.
Walking over to Kaname’s desk, he left it inside. Thinking a moment, he took a piece of paper out of his own desk. Finding no pen there, he borrowed one from a nearby desk.
-----------------------------------
‘Kaname
Thank you for the invitation.
Whether or not you hate me, I will continue to do my best to protect you.
If you wish a replacement bodyguard, I will champion your cause.
My apologies for being deficient.
I do not wish to be a problem.
Sousuke Sagara
Student, Jindai High School’
-----------------------------------
He wrapped the note around Kaname’s card. He had decided not to say the same words in person. He was no good with words. And, his presence might only make her feel worse. Perhaps it would be best if he stayed away from the school for a few days. He had been excluded from a mission coming up in the Sudan. He could serve a role there, if they would make allowances.
It was not a matter of over-reacting. He could remember Kaname showing up at his doorstep with a box of food and an apology one night She obviously did not hate him then. She might not truly hate him now. But, no one else caused her to run crying from a room, either. He thought back to the incident with the Full Monty bacteria, when she believed it to be a killer virus. She acted as if she almost felt relieved to die, if it meant she no longer had to deal with his otaku nature. People’s words and actions near death are often more honest than at any other time.
Deep inside, Kaname may wish he were gone.
Then why did she give me the card?
And why did she expect more from him than she did of every other guy?
How could he, let alone any male, expect to understand the workings of a female mind?
‘You’re right. I don’t really know you. But you’re a great guy. You’re really special.’ She had said something like that once, aboard the TDD-1, not long after his final battle with Gauron and Venom. He wondered if she would ever be inclined to say something like that again. Those words may just have been caused by her intoxication from the excitement of a near death experience and the heady nature of being a key figure in the survival of the submarine and all its crew.
He found himself hoping that was not the case.
His mind repeated her words over and over again. He say the same image in his head that he had seen then. A glowing figure of Kaname, naked. Swallowing hard, he realized that he was concentrating on the image, trying to see the details that had been chastely edited out before.
What was he doing?!!
Sweat broke out on his forehead.
The more he tried to consciously stop his mental peeping, the harder his subconscious tried to circumvent him. That was NOT the way a responsible soldier should act!
If he was truly intent on protecting Kaname’s honor and dignity, he should probably hit himself with Kaname’s halisen.
Besides, what right did someone like him have to be thinking that way about someone like Kaname. She was bright. She was hard working. She had overcome a number of difficult adversities and managed to be liked and admired.
And.
And she was attractive.
“Uh….”
Well, she was. Whether or not he took notice of it, or allowed him self to see it. Or to say it, unbidden.
Sousuke walked over to a window and opened it, taking a deep breath of the chill night air. He stared out at the moving lights on the street below. Looking off in the dark, he saw past images of a sunset and a spraying fountain. Kaname was there, in her mother’s kimono. She had caught him off guard, but no more so than he had surprised himself. She had wanted him to say she was beautiful. He had done so.
He had meant it.
But he had not allowed himself to think further on the matter at that time, or afterwards.
There had also been no effort on his part to explore or capitalize on the brief moment they had shared together before his first action in Arbalest. They had been physically close. His eyes had been locked on hers. They had repeated each other’s name. There was a mindless yearning inside him that both tantalized and terrified him.
For a moment he had felt….
Looking at a speeding delivery truck, Sousuke tried to break that train of thought. Instead, he gave his memory of Kaname an imaginary salute. She had shown herself to be brave and resourceful that night. She had helped save herself, him, and Kurz.
Bright. Hard working. Admired. Beautiful. Brave. Resourceful. She was all those things. Whispered nature aside, she was extraordinary, but still a normal teenager. Someone who deserved a normal life. A person who would benefit from normal friends. A girl who wanted normal walks in normal places with normal occurrences.
Sousuke was not normal. Not even close.
He was different. Exceedingly so.
Sousuke walked over to Kaname’s desk and reached for the card again. He stopped and pulled back his hand. He shook his head.
“I am too different. But is different always wrong?” Pent up emotions flooded him then. That was a question he had asked himself many times in the past, but always found some way to avoid answering conclusively.
“No.” A girl’s voice answered for him.
Sousuke turned, seeing someone walk into the room.
It was Kaname.
************
************
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Kaname had run out of the classroom.
Such a deplorable show of weakness.
What did her classmates think?
What would her teacher end up doing?
Sousuke.
That big idiot! Moron!! Jerk!!!
Why didn’t he just keep the card tucked away? He could have talked to her about it later. No, he was probably being considerate. No doubt he realized that she would be worried, not knowing what had happened to it.
“But he didn’t have to say ‘Yes.’ I don’t care if he was answering the teacher. It caught me off guard. It got my hopes up.”
And, when he began speaking, she was so certain that he was talking about her… the card… everything.
“Whose fault is that, Kaname? Really….”
She sighed, deep and long. Putting down the towel, she looked in the locker room mirror. She was still there. The girl who had thrown off her clothes, turned on the shower, then put her head against the wall as she cried.
“What would he have said?”
Her heart skipped a beat. The blood rushed to her face. She wrung her hands together. She would probably never know now. Not after the show that she put on.
She saw Sousuke’s face in her mind.
It had the same calm but clueless expression.
Would he have said ‘Yes’ or ’Affirmative’ to the request? She looked to her reflection, hoping it could tell her. Would he have said ‘No’ or ‘Negative’ instead? She looked down at the floor, embarrassed to see her neat and clean clothes strewn here and there.
Kaname was even more embarrassed by what she had said. Embarrassed and plagued by guilt.
‘Sousuke,….. I hate you….’
Sometimes she wondered if she did. Without even a moment’s notice, a perfect day could be blown asunder. Meticulous plans could be rendered useless. Hopes, dreams, aspirations could all be brushed into the gutter.
But, she had to admit to herself that she fed off the excitement and uncertainty…. sometimes. SOMETIMES!!! ‘Sometimes’ is not enough, not for that kind of disruption in her life.
Right?
Hadn’t she been trying so hard to throw out all manners and means of disruption, just as she had tossed out a lot of junk from her earlier life? Uprooted. Moved overseas. Acting out, and being written up by the police and analyzed by countless counselors. Her mother’s sickness, slow decline, and death. The torment she suffered through in Junior High.
There was nothing wrong with wanting peace and stability, was there?
Kaname took the towel over to the laundry bin and dropped it in. She brushed off her clothes and began to get dressed.
Sousuke’s face was still there, in the back of her mind.
“Stop looking, you pervert!”
She caught herself. He wasn’t really there and she was still berating him. The young soldier with the scar on his face had really gotten under her skin, hadn’t he? Who could blame her? Everybody else would have broken down by now, shipped off to some asylum.
Kaname realized something for a moment. She wasn’t weak. She was remarkably strong. It took a lot of personal strength to deal with Sousuke’s antics day in day out, and then come back to school fresh the next day, as if nothing had happened. It had taken a lot of strength to build up what she had now in High School, given everything she had faced before.
She did seem to have one weakness, though.
Sousuke.
Ironic. Almost painfully so.
She had spent a lot of time thinking about him. And cursing him. And crying about him.
“And you wanted him looking at you just now….” The Shoulder Devil made a brief appearance, floating in mid air, grunting under the weight of a full body cast.
“Yes….” Kaname answered. “NO!” She struck out quickly, trying to punch the imaginary figure. She hit a locker, hard. It hurt!
That card.
What had she done?
What was she going to do?
“Maybe you should walk in someone else’s shoes for a while.” The Shoulder Angel popped into view. She saw the shallow dent in the locker. “Tsk tsk.” She disappeared.
Kaname suddenly felt despicable. Tears threatened to come to her eyes, if there were any left to cry. She thought about what it must be like to be Sousuke. What it must have been like to suffer what he had, and to be faced with the things he took for granted. She had moved about some, but he was always on the move. She had made herself a home of sorts, even though her father and sister were far away. Sousuke had no family left. A submarine was his home. A submarine and any trench, foxhole, stake out, or hideaway he found himself in.
“Sousuke.”
She wondered just what went on inside him. It was so hard to judge. He was so hard to figure out. She wondered if she liked him because he was kind and dependable…. because he was a challenge to understand… or because he was so different than everyone else. Did he even have emotions like normal boys and girls. Were they hidden away, held captive by his rigid military discipline and duty? Or, was he numb, unfeeling, and dead inside?
If he had feelings, she may have hurt him back there. But, there would be hope. There would be something for her to work on. He must be pretty strong too, taking what he did from her again and again, always coming back to protect her. Would he even want anything to do with a girl like that, assuming he had any attraction to girls at all?
‘He said I was beautiful.’ Kaname reminded herself. ‘I saw the look on his face when he said I keep surprising him.’
Kaname began working on her hair.
What if Sousuke didn’t have any feelings, or would never be able to get in touch with them? It would mean that she hadn’t hurt him unfairly. Somehow, that might make her feel a little better. But, would he be someone worth caring about, then? Was that the kind of boy she should be thinking about, when others had made their interest in her known? There were only so many days left in her teenage life. Before she knew it, she would be in college, and then in a job.
These special days would not last forever.
Another question raised its hand. The brush caught painfully in her hair when her arm stiffened. Did she look at Sousuke to see who he was, or hoping to see the things that she wanted him to be? Was she intent on discovering what made him tick, or on changing him to fit her needs?
She scowled, looking at her reflection, the hair brush just dangling there. That was as undignified look as she had seen lately.
“Moron.”
Kaname hadn’t been talking about Sousuke that time.
She saw an image of Sousuke on a leash. ‘Up boy, up! Show everybody your gun. Good boy!’
Kaname couldn’t help but smile. He actually DID deserve something like that, once in a while. But she knew that hadn’t been the point. What exactly did she want? Did she want to be the girl who tamed the wild otaku? Would it be an ego thing, being the only girl in school with a Sousuke?
Every girl probably wanted someone to protect her. What girl wouldn’t want someone to rush to her aid, shielding her with his body, lifting her up when she had fallen? What girl wouldn’t want to be the center of some boy’s attention, 24/7?
But, those girls would hope the boy would do that because he wanted to, not because he was ordered to. Would Sousuke want to, even if it wasn’t his obligation.
‘Obligation.’ How she had come to despise that word.
Involuntarily, something Melissa once said came to mind. She had been speaking about Kurz, but it was the truth that mattered. “You can’t polish a turd.”
“Ugh!” Who would even want to try. She shook the image out of her mind.
“Way to go girl! Great romantic thought!” The Shoulder Devil appeared, pulling at the hair brush. “Be sure to tell Sousuke what you think of him….”
“Shut up!” Kaname groused.
“Gotcha.” The impish figure blew her a kiss, did a swan dive, and disappeared down the sink drain.
The saying was vulgar, but it certainly spoke a powerful truth.
“Works both ways, sweetie.” The Shoulder Angel materialized holding a large ugly brown cup. She tied her hair back, put on a pair of gloves, and took out a large bottle of silver polish. Her elbows were a blur as she went at the the cup with a rough cloth. When she was finished, she smiled triumphantly. Holding up a gleaming silver chalice, she pointed to the words engraved on its side: ‘Don’t know until you try.’ She disappeared.
“Why do things have to be so hard?”
Did she really want to put her heart out on her sleeve… lay everything she was out on the line… make a considerable effort and use up precious time…. only to realize that Sousuke WAS a something undesirable? All of his actions and good intentions would be meaningless then. All of the horrors, trials, and tribulations from the past would become magnified in her mind.
There were plenty of warning signs that spoke of that possibility. Images bubbled up within her head, tickling her memory.
But what if Sousuke were that someone special, the boy who could complete her, the Yin to her Yang? Could she live with the possibility that he was everything she ever wanted and she let him get away without even trying? What if he was merely covered with an understandable layer of tarnish. If that were the case, and she came to that realization after she had burned all of their bridges, the special times they had shared together would always speak to her of lost opportunities.
“Don’t know until you try.”
Yes. She had taken risks before. It was how she became a class representative. It was why she was Student Council Vice President and captain of the girl’s softball team. It was the reason for her amazing turnaround after Junior High.
There was only so much that thinking, wondering, and worrying could accomplish. Besides, she had already thought things through a number of times. It was her who bought the card, after all. Bought it… wrote it… perfumed it… then sealed it. No one else carried it to school for her. Right?
“Why don’t you try a little test? There are a bunch of boys hot on your trail. Think about them a bit. The steamier the better. Maybe you’ll forget about Fido then.” The Shoulder Devil licked her finger, touched herself, and smiled at the steam coming off.
Kaname blushed, But, she followed the suggestion. Satoru Shirai. No. The boy she went to the amusement park with. Close, but no cigar. Tsubaki Issei. Cute and sweet, but no. Guys in the soccer and track clubs. Get real! A college student living in her apartment building. Forget about it.
She spun the hair brush in her hand as she thought. It didn’t take long.
Some were too safe. Others were too boring. Or too annoying.
None were Sousuke.
“Guess that answers that.” She checked her watch. No more time for deliberations. It was time to head off for the next class. She still had time to speak to her teacher and offer an apology. Hopefully he would understand.
Walking through the hallway, she came across Kyouko.
“Kaaaa-naaaa-maaaaay.” Kyouko looked relieved to see her. “I was so worried about you. We looked all over.”
“I’m feeling better now, Ky. I embarrassed myself in front of the entire class. It took a while to shake that off.” Kaname did not feel like going any further than that, not even with her best friend.
“You missed what Sousuke did!” Kyouko’s words sent an icy dagger into Kaname’s heart.
What did he do? Rip up the card? Say something about her behind her back? Blow something up? Leave the school? Forever?
“W-What did he d-do?” Kaname flinched, knowing how she must have sounded.
“He’s never done something quite like that before. You should have seen it!” Kyouko held up her camera. Kaname COULD see it.
“WHAT?” Kaname frowned. Now she was yelling.
Kyouko smiled. She realized that she had a fish on the line.
“Never mind. I shouldn’t have brought it up. You probably wouldn’t care.” Kyouko grinned. “Besides, it’s all over the school by now. I’m certain you’ll hear someone talking about it.”
“He was marvelous,” Ren said, walking up behind Kyouko. Kyouko pouted. Ren smiled.
“Well?” Kaname was clenching her fists.
Ren continued smiling. She winked at Kyouko.
“Ren! Kyouko! You….” Kaname got herself under control. She tossed off a trademark ‘Hmmppff’ and began to walk off. Someone would tell her. Someone better!
“Do you want to tell her, Kyouko?” Ren spoke in a considerate tone.
“OK.” Kyouko smiled. She intended to stay quiet a bit longer, until she saw the look on Kaname’s face. Seeing Ryo, Maya, and Mizuki heading in their direction, she did pause until they arrived.
“Mr. Ichigaki asked for whatever card Sousuke was holding. He threatened Sousuke with detention. Sousuke was so brave. He said ‘No. I will not.’ He told the teacher ‘Your request has been denied.’ When Mr. Ichigaki told him it was an order and not a request, Sousuke didn’t bat an eye.
“If you do not give me the card, you will be staying after school for detention, young man!” Ryo did a perfect imitation of the angry teacher.
“It is not a problem.” Maya had everyone smiling with her Sousuke voice.
“And then he just sat back in the chair and closed his eyes.” Mizuki looked doe-eyed. “Mr. Ichigaki gave him one week’s detention for his disrespectful behavior. He sent Sousuke to the Principal’s office.”
Sousuke had done that for her? After she said what she did?
Kaname felt ashamed.
Still, she couldn't help but smile a quick small smile.
“So what WAS in that card, Kaname?” Kyouko had her camera ready. Ren put her hand over the lens. She shook her head. Kyouko nodded.
“It’s personal.” The tone of Kaname’s voice took all of her friends by surprise. It was straight forward, with no hint of denial. There was no sign of her trademark laughter. They were at a loss to know what to say or do.
“I have two people to apologize to.”
Kaname had to force herself not to sprint. Suddenly, it felt as if time was running out for some reason. Why had she waited so long? No. Breath deep. Relax. She had nothing to regret. She would have waited for the end of class in any case.
After bowing and saying ‘I am so sorry’ to Mr. Ichigaki, Kaname pushed her way through the crowd, heading for her next class. Walking into the room expectantly, her eyes went immediately to Sousuke’s seat.
He wasn’t there.
The whispers and giggles started almost immediately, but she paid them no heed. Where was Sousuke? Was he still in the Principal’s office? No one stayed that long, unless they were about to be expelled. No way! Not that! He had only refused a teacher’s order about something that way personal and none of the teacher’s business. Unless Sousuke did something that the girls hadn’t mentioned.
Like a gun, knife, or grenade.
Maybe he was upset and went home. Would he have done that? Leaving without giving her word? Well, she had been rather upset. He might have decided that it was better for him to just go. Didn’t he plan to come back and do his detention, though? If he skipped that, he really might be looking at serious trouble.
It wasn’t his style. Sousuke never ran away from punishment. And he wasn’t a quitter.
Unless he wasn’t planning on coming back at all. Could this have been the final straw? He was an Arm Slave pilot first, after all. That, and an experienced combat soldier. School was an alien landscape for him. He might have decided to go back to what he knew best… where he felt most comfortable… with people who would treat him appropriately.
Treat him appropriately.
Unlike Kaname.
‘Sousuke….. I hate you…’ He certainly hadn’t deserved that.
Kaname kept her eyes glued to the clock. The second hand became the center of her world. There were only a few minutes left. She whispered to herself. “Come on, Sousuke. Time is running out. You’re coming, aren’t you. I’m sorrrrrrrrry….”
She needed an answer. She turned to the nearest girl.
“Do you know if Sousuke ever came back from the Principal’s office?”
The girl never had a chance to reply. Atsunobu answered instead.
“I was up in the office checking on next week’s meeting.” He put down his book, straightened his glasses, and glanced at Kaname. “Sousuke came out from his talk with the Principal while I was there. I heard him ask for permission to leave school early. I didn’t catch any particulars. He did mention that he had a long distance call to make.”
“I see. Thank you.”
A long distance call? She knew who that would be. Mithril. Lt. Cmdr, Kalinin, probably. Maybe Kurz or Melissa. It could even be HER. It had better NOT be. That would be the story of Kaname’s life. Finding someone she wanted to get to know better, then driving him away and into the arms of a pint-sized scheming manipulative clumsy desperate stick of a girl!!!
“Why don’t you say how you REALLY feel about her?” The Shoulder Devil held a Tessa voodoo doll. She was hammering railroad spikes into it. A shepherd’s hook came out of nowhere… wrapped around the devil’s neck…. then yanked it into oblivion.
Kaname began to worry in earnest. She could image Sousuke going away on a mission instead of staying around someone who made nice to him one moment, then slapped him down the next. At least he knew what to expect from the enemy.
What if he got killed, going on a mission he would not have normally gone on. Then it would be HER fault….
Her pencil snapped.
She had been pushing too hard. Yes. Not just with the pencil. That card had been a bold move. Maybe too bold. Sousuke had no way to know what her intentions were. He might have jumped to the wrong conclusion. Had she scared him away? If so, did that mean he wasn’t worth her attention in the first place?
No.
In any case, that wasn’t the point.
Was he OK?
Kaname found it hard to concentrate during the rest of that class. Things didn’t become any easier after that. She phoned Sousuke’s apartment, but nobody answered. It was wrong to fear the worst. He might have felt the need to go for a walk. He could have needed to do some work at one of the safe houses. Who could say for sure?
After school let out, she hung around doing her homework. Her chair turned, she gave herself a view of the main hallway. If Sousuke came in through the front door, she would see him. She finished her assignments. There was no sign of him.
Another call to his apartment.
Still no answer.
Putting her book bag in her locker, Kaname decided to walk about the school. She would check the sitting detention rooms. Then she would look in every other room if necessary. Sousuke had tremendous energy and endurance. His punishment’s were usually physical. The janitor loved having an extra hand.
Peaking into a number of rooms, she drew curious looks from the teachers and rude gestures from the students. No sign of a moody military maniac. Room after room. Corridor after corridor. Logic didn’t matter---she turned on lights everywhere she went, even though it made no sense to think that Sousuke would be doing anything in the dark.
Her steps became quicker between each set of rooms. Her heart beat faster with each empty space. She worried more and more.
“If you left for good, I’ll never speak to you again!” She stopped, wondering where her head was. Did she just say that? Sheesh.
Building after building. Wing after wing. The search continued. Wait, down that hallway, the last room… light coming through the door. The light went off. The room next door lit up. She didn’t see or hear anyone move between rooms.
Step by step. She moved as quietly as possible. The sounds of desks moving could be heard. There was also a repetitive noise, hard to make out.
A few steps more.
The sound was louder.
Sweeping.
The noise sounded like sweeping.
Finally reaching the door, Kaname reached into her purse. She took out her compact. Using the mirror, she got a look into the room.
It WAS Sousuke. She was so relieved. Opening her mouth, she was about to yell “Sousuke-e-e-e-e-e” and run into the room. No. She wanted to watch him a while first. Maybe she could get some idea of what he was feeling. Besides, when Sousuke was armed, it was never a good idea to surprise him.
“Hate….” he said. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing.
Kaname tensed up inside. Was he thinking about someone he hated? Her? Or was he repeating what she had said.
He shook his head and straightened his back, then got back to sweeping. He looked somewhat forlorn. That was not a look she usually associated with the taciturn young soldier. Why did it take something as drastic as all this to see his human side?
“Hate is not a problem.”
The tone in his voice spoke otherwise. Kaname began to feel remorseful. Sousuke didn’t deserve to go through this. She admitted to herself that she was entirely at fault. He hadn’t done anything wrong. It wasn’t fair to keep punishing him a little here and a little there for each big problem he did cause.
“It appears that I am the problem.”
Kaname froze. Tears came to her eyes. She had felt that way about herself once, back when so many things seemed to be going wrong. She could find no other explanation at the time.
She watched Sousuke bend over with a dustpan.
“Nice ass, huh?” Kaname didn’t even have to look. Not at Sousuke. She did indeed know how he looked. And not at the Shoulder Devil. She knew who it was.
“Want me to get him to turn around? There’s something else you sneak a peek at now and then.”
Kaname cursed under her breath. When she looked up, the Shoulder Angel was there. The look she gave her clearly said ‘Well, aren’t you going to say anything?’ The shrug she got from the angel in return said ‘No. She has a good point.’
Sousuke picked up a colorful magazine. He leafed threw a number of pages and stopped to scan some of the articles and exposes. He closed the magazine….walked over to the garbage can…. looked at the cover again… then dropped the publication into the receptacle.
Kaname would have given anything to hear his thoughts.
Shrugging his shoulders, the young operative walked back over to his broom. He took out his Glock and looked at it. Why?
He wasn’t thinking about shooting himself was he?
Should she run in?
Could she make it in time?
Might he shoot her too?
No!
No. It wasn’t that. He probably just wanted to see something familiar… something he could depend on.
Sousuke kicked a desk as hard as he could. It flew up against one wall, knocking a number of items off of a bulletin board before tumbling over the teacher’s desk and shaking a line of erasers off the bottom of the blackboard. He picked up a chair and was about to throw it out a window.
The anger frightened Kaname. It was so unexpected. So primal. It had almost been like something she saw on one of the nature channels. He must be very hurt. Did the invitation mean that much to him? Had he been looking forward to that night? Her pulse rate went up.
Was he feeling betrayed, because of all he had done for her? Might he wonder why the Hell he was even at Jindai High School, doing his best for someone who sometimes treated him like he was the worst? She lowered her eyes.
“No. It is better this way.”
He was trying to convince himself of something that wasn’t true. Kaname had been THERE before, too. He really must have wanted to spend time with her. That thought warmed her at first. Soon though, she felt guilty. Guilty for what she had said, and guilty for secretly watching his pain.
Sousuke walked over and retrieved the desk. He put it back in place. There was nothing he could do about the huge dent underneath. He picked up his broom, tested its weight again, then spun it a couple of times before using it as it was intended.
Kaname smiled.
Even without witnesses, Sousuke was still an otaku. Everything was a weapon. Geez!
“Kaname.”
The blue-haired girl froze again. She wished she had a rewind button. She just KNEW that he must be able to hear the drum-like beat of her heart. She could have no doubt about her own feelings, either. She did want to spend some quiet time alone with Sousuke, in a place that had nothing to do with Mithril, Jindai, Whispered, school, etc.
She had wanted him to have emotions. Even strong ones. No matter what they were.
“Keep going.” It was the Shoulder Angel this time.
“Well, it IS for your own good, isn’t it?”
Kaname nodded. She wanted him to have strong emotions about her. Good emotions.
“Want me to name them?” The angel smiled before winking out.
Kaname sighed.
After wiping the sweat off of his brow with his shirt tail, Sousuke took out the card to look at it. He held the paper up to his nose and inhaled slowly, his eyes closed. Kaname’s heart almost burst. She would have melted into a puddle if he had kissed the paper or said something romantic.
Walking over to Kaname’s desk, he left it inside.
“What are you doing, Sousuke? Big idiot. Jerk. Stupid head. Don’t go all noble on me now.” Kaname managed to keep her words inaudible. Barely. “Fight for me. I’m worth it, aren’t I? Moron!”
Still, she was moved. Sousuke had walked over with such grace, such dignity… even a hint of strength. For that moment, he was more of a hero to her than he had ever been in the past. She was glad she hadn’t announced her presence, if only for that opportunity.
“Sure, Kaname. He’s nothing more than a military machine. No feelings whatsoever. He never thinks about you or your feelings.” Kaname didn’t feel much like a hero at that moment. Not at all.
Sousuke took a piece of paper out of his own desk. Finding no pen there, he borrowed one from a nearby piece of school furniture. He spent some time writing something, then wrapped the note around Kaname’s card.
‘WHAT DID HE WRITE?’ Kaname’s thoughts rang out like a large church bell, with her as the clanger. She hated suspense. She had to know.
Sousuke took out his pistol, put it on a desk top, and spun it. It stopped, barrel pointing towards him.
"I win."
What? Kaname deflated. Just what was he talking about?
Not suicide.
That had just been a foolish thought before, hadn’t it? Just because she was once faced with that choice didn’t mean that Sousuke would be too.
No. He’s lost in thought, but he doesn’t look depressed.
The whole scene actually reminded Kaname more of Spin The Bottle.
What?
He’s blushing!!!
“Uh….”
“Sousuke Sagara, what are you thinking about?” Kaname’s heart rate went back up again. “WHO are you thinking about?”
The Shoulder Devil flew down in a helicopter. A Mithril helicopter. Opening the door, she stepped down, wearing a captain’s uniform.
The veins at Kaname’s temples throbbed. The devil knew that discretion was the better part of valor. It vanished.
Kaname wasn't going to fall into THAT trap this time.
She knew.
Sousuke walked over to a window and opened it, taking a deep breath of the chill night air. He stared out at the moving lights on the street below. Kaname felt like a voyeur, but she couldn’t tear her self away, and she didn’t want to break the moment. She had done a lot of thinking. Sousuke must need to do the same thing too.
It felt nice, having something in common with him.
She watched as he walked over to her desk and reached for the card again. He stopped and pulled back his hand. He shook his head. Kaname could feel the tension. She could see the conflict in him, noting how his body seemed at war with itself. It was exhilarating…. instructive…. painful.
“I am too different. But is different always wrong?” His voice wavered slightly.
“No.” Kaname couldn’t wait any longer. She had asked herself that question many times. Sousuke needed to know he had done nothing wrong. She wanted to tell him he was OK just the way he was.
Swallowing hard, she walked into the room.
*************
*************
*************
It was an awkward moment.
Both Sousuke and Kaname had done a lot of thinking.
They had spent time searching every nook and cranny of their souls.
Each had come to what they felt were significant conclusions.
The objects of their thoughts stood before them, one holding a broom, the other holding her tongue.
“It’s OK. Take your time.” The Shoulder Angel offered encouragement. “The next words may be important.”
“Have they taken their clothes off yet? Great way to break the ice…” The Shoulder Devil had a bucket of popcorn and a pair of opera glasses.
Kaname flinched, but she still didn’t say anything. She swallowed. It was a good time to check out the progress of Sousuke’s work. Everything was so clean. The desks and chairs were in neat rows. He would make a wonderful janitor.
Sousuke stared at Kaname. It was late. She shouldn’t be wandering around a dark school, alone. Why had she come looking for him? Did she want the card back that badly, or was he correct about the likelihood of her regretting her actions. Her posture and silence favored the latter.
“Sousuke, I….”
“Kaname, I….”
Both had started speaking at the exact same time.
Each went silent again, waiting for the other to start.
“I figure THAT counts as foreplay!” The Shoulder Devil put on a dominatrix costume.
“Give it a rest.” The Shoulder Angel said, pulling a never-ending cord. A shower head appeared over the devil and discharged gallon after gallon of icy cold water.
Kaname looked at Sousuke’s eyes, trying to get an idea of his mood. Was he angry at her? Did he despise her? Was he confused? Did her presence here bother him? Her one hand began to twitch involuntarily. She looked him up and down, as if preparing to memorize his appearance for the last time. She gulped when her eyes touched upon certain areas.
“It’s OK. That’s probably just a concealed weapon,” she murmured to herself.
The Shoulder Devil tried to comment, but its teeth were chattering too much. The Shoulder Angel swiped the opera glasses.
Sousuke felt torn. His head was telling him to ask Kaname if she wanted him gone from her life. His heart wanted him to find out whether she wanted him in her life. His eyes didn’t help that debate. He remembered his earlier thoughts. Even in a school uniform, she was beautiful. Part of him was afraid he’d turn into a pillar of salt because he looked.
‘Make a decision, soldier! The mission can’t get started without you.’ Sousuke’s thought had part of him saluting and another part slapping its forehead. Wouldn’t Kaname love to hear that he had thought of this as a mission.
“I apologize….” Sousuke blurted out with conviction.
“I’m sorr-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e….” Kaname said with a large burst of emotion.
They had both spoken at the same time again. Sousuke relaxed some, wondering what the probability for something like that was. Kaname smiled, feeling a little more at ease.
“You may proceed….” Sousuke figured it was her duty to follow-up the final words spoken between them.
“Go right ahead….” Kaname didn’t want to speak at that moment. For some reason, she just wanted to hear Sousuke’s vice.
The silence stretched on, both students standing completely still. The analytical part of Sousuke’s mind tried to determine the significance of the phenomenon. The urge to speak began building within Kaname, too much water for the dam to hold---but, she was now even more determined that Sousuke should go first.
Sousuke thought back to one of his earlier thinking sessions. Maybe he SHOULD use sign language.
Kaname was beginning to feel the telltale tightening of her jaw that heralded the arrival of her anger.
“Uh….” Sousuke ventured, despite all of the mental preparation he had done.
“Well-l-l-l-l-l?” Kaname said at the same time.
“I….” Sousuke was trying, but he couldn’t find the right words. There were too many possible choices. He would have traded his eye teeth for an instruction manual.
“And?” Kaname began tapping her feet. Her prior thoughts took second stage. She was on automatic now, back in familiar territory.
“If….” Sousuke was sweating now, in part from the mental exertion, and in part from nervousness. He kept looking at Kaname to judge her body language, but all he could see was the curves in that body. This was not the time.
Kaname stood quietly, her arms crossed over her chest. Her eyes had narrowed.
The Shoulder Devil reappeared, holding a small weather chart. “Today's forecast for Pompeii…. expect midday flames from the volcano and an immense black cloud covering the sun. For the next few days… there is a high likelihood of volcanic matter, fist-sized rocks, and red-hot cinders raining down on the city, making a blanket up to an estimated fifteen to twenty feet deep over the entire area. People should expect to be encased in the ash as it cools. The survivors who escape the eruption can expect to be killed by poisonous gas.
“But what about all of those things you were thinking about?” The Shoulder Angel was totally ignored.
Sousuke berated himself. He was a Specialist. He could do this. He HAD to do this. Now.
“Uh…”
“SOUSUKE!!!” Kaname took just one step forward. Her hands were on her hips. There was a look of danger in her eyes.
Sousuke snapped to attention.
“Sir, yes sir!” His arm started upward, but he managed to abort the salute.
“At ease, Sousuke.” Kaname cringed. It had been the first thing on her lips. She was mortified. Still, she felt a smile beginning. Sousuke’s reaction had been cute. Her own reaction was puzzling. Normally she would have gotten even more angry, seeing him go all military at a time like this.
Sousuke spread his legs apart and put his arms behind his back.
Kaname just shook her head.
“Tell him to drop and give you twenty!” The Shoulder Devil wore a combat helmet and carried a riding crop.
Kaname smiled.
“Kaname?” Sousuke took note of her smile. Was she happy, or had he done something amusing again. Not for the first time that day, he marveled at the complexity of women.
There were a lot of things that Kaname wanted to know. Did Sousuke like getting the card. Was he going to say ‘Yes.’ Did he hope the invitation still stood? Would he still say ‘Yes.’ What had he been feeling after her unfortunate exclamation? Did he hate her? Was he considering leaving the school? Had he been thinking about her?
“Did he picture you naked?” The Shoulder Devil added helpfully.
“Ummm…so… you’ve been sweeping?” Kaname couldn’t believe herself! With all the things she could have asked or made it a point to say, she came up with THAT.
“Affirmative. That is what this broom is for, Kaname.” Sousuke’s voice was calm and controlled. There wasn’t the slightest hint that he was explaining the obvious. Nonetheless, his simple statement was just what Kaname needed to break past the barrier.
“I can SEE that, Sousuke. What do you think I am, some kind of idiot?” Kaname stamped her foot, hard.
Sousuke didn’t answer. For once, he treated the query as he should, as a rhetorical question.
Kaname---who in the past always smacked him with the halisen when he replied to that type of question---grew angrier. Angrier, and concerned. Did his silence mean ‘Yes?’
“WELL???” Kaname took a few more steps forward.
Sousuke stood his ground. He didn’t say anything. Kaname should know that he considered her very intelligent. This must be some kind of test. He would not fail.
Kaname bit her lip. Her eyes went soft. Her shoulders slumped ever so little.
“You don’t, do you Sousuke?” Her voice was uncertain, vulnerable. All of the steam had rushed out of her.
Sousuke thought about the change in Kaname. She was obviously not ill. She had looked fine a moment ago. It was no doubt an emotional thing. A female emotional thing. He wasn’t certain what to do, so he would offer reassurance.
“Negative.” Kaname still looked somewhat unconvinced, so Sousuke editorialized---more than he had intended. “It should be as obvious to you as it is to me. You are the kindest, brightest, most beautiful girl in the school.”
Sousuke froze. He knew that feeling. It had come when he had been too aggressive in his fighting, doing more collateral damage than he should have.
Kaname rocked back on her heals. Her body temperature rose almost immediately. She wasn’t certain what she just heard.
“I’m sorry, Sousuke. I missed part of that. Would you repeat it please?”
“Uh…I… umm… said it should be as obvious to you as it is to me, that you are the kindest and brightest girl in the school.” Sousuke began to sweat. For some reason, he felt like running. But, part of him wanted to tell Kaname exactly what he had said.
“I see,” Kaname said, hiding a smile. She was not about to let Sousuke off the hook. “That’s not what you said the first time, was it?”
“Uh… I assure you, Kaname… I used those exact words.”
Kaname took a few more steps towards Sousuke. She saw his eyes follow her every move. He swallowed hard. Good!
“I know that, Sousuke! I just think you said something more. That’s the part I missed. Was it something important?” She took another step forward.
“Uh….”
“Well-l-l-l-l….”
“I… it…ummm…”
“I’m waiting….”
“Uh….”
Kaname tossed her hair and put on a mock frown. She turned around and began walking away. Over her shoulder she said “Hmmppff! And I thought soldiers were supposed to be honorable….”
“I said you were beautiful.” Sousuke’s words came out in a rush.
“I see. That’s the second time you’ve said that. You must really feel that way, then.” Kaname couldn’t help herself. She smiled. Her eyes went big. The feeling inside her was undeniable. For a brief moment, she had felt like kissing him.
“Ooooooh.” The Shoulder Devil was in such a hurry, she forgot to get dressed. “Go for it, girl! While you’re at it, tell him you think he’s hot. You know…. he had remarkable stamina….”
Kaname brushed angrily at her shoulder, trying to dislodge the naked and scampering devil.
“Dandruff, Kaname?” Sousuke’s concerned inquiry was like a bucket of ice. The mood sizzled and went out.
“W-W-What?” Kaname couldn’t believe what she had heard. She had put the cart before the horse. After all, it WAS Sousuke she was dealing with.
“If your scalp is causing you discomfort, I wish to be of assistance.” Sousuke nodded his head, eager.
“N-N-Now?” He had gone from ‘beautiful’ to ‘dandruff.’ She didn’t know whether she should laugh, cry, scream, or smack him. Still, part of her thought it was cute.
“Yes. I do not like to see you in pain, Kaname. I will always do what I can to help you. No matter what.” His jaw tightened. There was an unreadable look in his eye.
“I see. Thank you, Sousuke.” It didn’t matter what he was talking about. Those words were from the heart. If she could extrapolate them further….
“I would recommend one with coal tar; salicylic acid; or either selenium sulfide or pyrithione zinc. The first slows cell production and the latter two reduce cellular turnover. Salicylic acid causes dead cells to slump off before they clump.” Sousuke had suffered from flakey scalp before. He would use his experience for Kaname’s benefit.
“Sousuke….” Kaname said, eyes beginning to narrow.
“If you are worried about lice as well, you would need to use a solution containing Pyrethin, Lindane, Piperonyl Butoxide, or similar agents. I must caution you, however: do not imbibe those agents, as they are very toxic.”
“SOUSUKE!!!” Kaname couldn’t help herself. She did what Sousuke had done earlier. She kicked over a desk. Her breathing was fast and ragged. She clenched both fists.
“Kaname?”
“I….. DO….. NOT….. HAVE….. DANDRUFF…..” Kaname’s face was turning read.
“It is nothing to be ashamed of. I will not tell anyone else…”
“Oooooooh!!!” Kaname was close to the point of no return. She intended to strike him, but not within an inch of his life. Yet. “Give me the broom, Sousuke.”
Kaname?”
“NOW, SOLDIER!”
Sousuke handed the broom to Kaname. “I doubt the flakes will be noticeable. The floor is clean enough for now, Kaname.”
“AHHHH. BAKU!!!”
Kaname smacked Sousuke on top of the head with the broom. Straw caught in his hair. He grimaced.
“Ouwww. Kaname, that hurt.” Sousuke rubbed the sore spot, pulling out the straw.
“Good! How about this?”
Kaname brought the broom handle hard across one of Sousuke’s knees. She had changed her target at the last possible moment. Sousuke didn’t know how lucky he was.
“Ahhhh. Yes.”
“And this?”
Kaname whacked Sousuke’s hand resting on the nearest desk.
Sousuke didn’t say anything. His eyes went somewhat empty. Kaname immediately regretted going too far.
“I do not have dandruff, Sousuke.” Kaname dared Sousuke to contradict her, then continued. “That is not why I was upset. When a boy is telling a girl she is beautiful, she doesn’t want him to stop and talk about dandruff!” She gave him the broom back.
Sousuke bowed his head. “Yes. That makes sense. Like your beauty, your intelligence does not disappear when you get angry. It appears that I am deficient in such matters. Perhaps it would be best if I do not trouble you any more with personal talk. I am not proficient in that.”
Kaname never ceased being amazed by Sousuke. One moment he had him ready to strangle him… the next moment she wanted to hug him.
“No, Sousuke. I want you to trouble me with personal talk.” Kaname blushed. It had been her turn to speak without thinking. “I mean…I….”
“Kaname?”
“You’ll do just fine, Sousuke. You don’t have to be proficient…. you just have to be yourself.” That was all true, but it wasn’t what Kaname had wanted to say. She bit her lip, disappointed in her cowardice. Then again, with Sousuke, maybe it was best to take baby steps.
“I see….”
The silence became awkward and drawn out again. Sousuke didn’t know what to say. Kaname was afraid to say exactly what she was feeling. There was something in the back of her mind shouting for attention. What was it? There had been something she was very curious about and wanted to know?
It came to her.
“Sousuke.”
“Yes, Kaname?”
“Give me the broom back.”
“But….”
“NOW!!!”
“Here….”
Kaname paused a moment. She saw the look in Sousuke’s eyes. He expected to be struck again. For some reason, that brought her close to tears.
“I’m going to sweep for you. You have worked hard enough already.”
“But Kaname, that is my assignment. What should I do?” Sousuke took his responsibilities very seriously, no matter what the source. It was his job to clean up the class rooms, not Kaname’s.
“Did you leave the card in my desk?” Kaname looked Sousuke square in the eyes.
“Uh…”
“I’ll take that as a yes.” She wouldn’t let Sousuke look away. “Did you also leave me a note?”
“Uh…”
“Another ‘Yes.’ I would like you to read me the note.” Kaname began sweeping. When she looked up, Sousuke hadn’t moved.
“Uh…”
“We’re going to work on that problem someday, mister!” Kaname stopped in mid sweep. “Sousuke, could you please get the note for me. It would mean a lot to me.” She batted her eyes. It was just an impulse. She wanted to see if that kind of thing would work on him.
“Yes, Kaname.” Sousuke walked over to the desk. Kaname began sweeping with more vigor, smiling. She squirreled her discovery away.
When Sousuke returned, he put the card on a desk top and unfolded the note. He handed it towards Kaname, his eyes looking down at her feet. She put her hand on his, squeezed it briefly, then pushed it away.
“No, Sousuke. I want to hear you read it. Please.” She didn’t bat her eyes that time. She wasn’t playing.
“Uh…”
“Is it something weird, Souske?” Kaname raised an eyebrow.
“Negative.”
“Something dangerous?” She kept a straight face.
“No.”
“Then it is not a problem.” She couldn’t help but smile.
Kaname was glad she hadn’t blinked or looked away. She would have missed it. Ever so briefly, Sousuke smiled. His eyes lit up---not much, but for him it was amazing. He stiffened immediately thereafter, assailed by some thought. He looked worried. Kaname began to worry some herself.
Had he arranged to go away?
Forever?
Her heart began pounding again. Her vision blurred for just a moment. She let go of the broom, but caught it before it hit the ground.
Sousuke read the note: “‘Kaname. Thank you for the invitation. I will not burden you with my answer. Whether or not you hate me, I will continue to do my best to protect you. If you wish a replacement bodyguard, I will champion your cause. My apologies for being deficient. I do not wish to be a problem. Sousuke Sagara. Student, Jindai High School’”
When he finished, Sousuke looked at Kaname intensely. If she didn’t want him there any more, he wanted to know the truth. He did not want to torture her any more. Her least of all.
Tears came to Kaname’s eyes. She couldn’t help it. Hearing his voice as he spoke did more than reading the note ever could. At least the first time. She was going to keep that note! But, there had been something in his voice. She had never heard him sound exactly like that before. Just how much did he care about her? She wanted to know, but she didn’t want to know.
Again, they were both at a loss for words. There heads were filled with too many thoughts and their hearts were unable to overrule their heads.
“Kaname….”
“Sousuke….”
Despite their uncertainty. They both smiled at that. That made two times Sousuke’s had smiled. Kaname felt like a kid in a candy store.
Kaname instinctively knew she would have to take the lead in this.
“Sousuke Sagara, student at Jindai High School, you are the only one I want protecting me! Do you understand that? Should I use the broom to pound that into your otaku head?” Kaname winked.
“No.” Sousuke looked s if a heavy weight had just been removed from his shoulders.
“You are not a problem Sousuke…. well, you are but that’s OK.” Kaname was compelled to tell the truth. “And, you are not deficient…. you are just different…. and it’s alright to be different. Most of the time!” She smiled.
“I see.” Sousuke nodded.
“But….” Kaname paused for dramatic effect. She walked over to Sousuke and stood nose to nose. “But, I will get on the phone…. call Mithril…. and have them take you away for ever… if you fail to do one thing.” Her look was serious.
Sousuke gulped. “What?”
“There is something you need to do. Figure it out yourself! If you don’t….” Kaname pulled up a chair and sat down.
“You are beautiful….” Sousuke would try that first. It was the correct answer the last time Kaname had challenged him, dressed in that kimono.
“Thank you. Wrong answer.”
“Uh….”
“Is that your final answer?” Kaname glared. It was all show. This was fun.
“NO!!! I apologize….”
“For what? Idiot!”
“I will not write you any more notes….”
“WHAT?!!! Big jerk. You better!” Kaname had stood up. Sheepishly she sat back down again.
“I will not make a request to be added to next week’s mission.”
“Huh? Mission? You better not be going on any mission, moron!” Kaname was standing again. It was her turn to swallow hard again. He really had been considering going away for a while. Not because he was just a soldier… but because he had a heart after all.
Sousuke’s eye caught sight of the card. He knew what Kaname wanted. It was his time to take control. It might be the last chance he had to make such a claim. He didn’t know what he was getting himself into. There was only one way to find out.
He walked over to a desk, pulled up a chair, and sat down. He picked up the card and smelled it. He put it back down again. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kaname lean forward, hands gripping the sides of her desk.
“It is getting late, Kaname. I should finish up. Can we continue this conversation tomorrow?”
“NO!!!” Kaname held onto the sides of the desk. As she began to stand, the desk went with her. It fell to the floor with a loud noise.
“I see.” Sousuke began to rub his chin, twirling the card around on top of his desk with one finger. Just as he saw Kaname open her mouth, he picked up the card again. He opened it, and made as if he were reading it. He didn’t have to. The words were emblazoned across his mind, blinking like a neon light.
His body aching from where Kaname struck him with the broom, Sousuke leaned back in his hair. He closed his eyes. Paybacks are Hell.
“Sousuke!”
Sousuke opened his eyes, then stood up. He walked over to where Kaname sat. She looked up at him, her eyes glistening.
“Do you wish to know my answer, Kaname?”
“Yes!” Kaname cursed herself for sounding so desperate.
“Exactly….” Sousuke said.
Kaname smiled. Sousuke meant ‘Yes.’ But, wait a minute. That damn otaku. He didn’t actually say ‘Yes.’ He OWED her a ‘Yes!’
“Is that the answer you wanted to give me, Sousuke?” Kaname’s eyes flashed. She stood up slowly.
“Exactly….” Sousuke said again.
“GRRRRRR…. Sousuke, if you couldn’t say ‘exactly,’ what would you say?” Kaname growled. That big idiot better know that she was not playing around. She wanted that ‘Yes.’
“Precisely….” He deserved some kind of medal for keeping a straight face. It was a challenging task in the face of great danger.
“AHHHHH….”
“Yes.” The word brought Kaname up short.
Kaname felt as if she were about to burst and fly about in every possible direction. She walked over to Sousuke and kicked him in the knee. “That’s for making me wait!” She followed that up with a quick kiss on the cheek. “That’s for getting the right answer!”
“Kaname….” Sousuke put his hand to his cheek.
The girl in question picked up the broom and tossed it to Sousuke.
“Kaname?”
“You have work to do. I’m going home. Later!” She sped out of the room. She was excited and relieved at the same time. She had gotten what she wanted. And, she was not about to stay in that room a minute longer---who knows what that otaku might say to spoil that memory!
The big idiot!
“But just maybe he’s MY big idiot.”
Kaname ran all of the way home.
It was late.
The other students had left long ago.
After a bit of finger wagging and lecturing from his teacher, he had set about on his Detention duties.
The long sweeping motion of his arms and the rhythmic pattern of his actions lulled his mind to a contemplative state.
He thought about Kaname.
When she said that she hated him, it made him feel hollow inside. All of his recent thoughts had seemed to have been pointless, a mental Maginot Line. He had already been confused to begin with. He certainly didn’t need something else to tie his neurons in a tangle.
But, Sousuke remembered a different time. He had come back from the South China Sea, finished with an abortive mission meant to find the terrorist group A21. Walking across the softball field while Kaname was running the bases, he had mentioned that he had forgotten the study session that she had arranged with him. Kaname hit him on the back of the head with second base.
At lunch time, Kaname shared food with her friends that she worked hard to make for him that night before---the night he never showed up. When the girls called him over to their table against her wishes, he presented Kaname with the special jewelry he had made for her, stressing the importance of its practicality. She took offense at that and detonated a flash bang in his face. On the walk home he asked her to reconcile their relationship and she had been angered by his narrow view of duty and obligation.
She had said ‘You make it really easy to hate you.’
That had hurt, even though he wasn’t certain just why back then. He hadn’t cared about anything as useless as reasons and feelings. He simply catalogued the discomfort and went about his duty. Pain was a common occurrence in his line of work. It was best not to dwell on it.
It had been a lonely walk back to his apartment that evening, nonetheless.
Sousuke stopped sweeping. He was feeling lonely now as well. But, that was not Kaname’s fault. There was no way a soldier on duty should find himself in a situation where he is too attached to the person he is guarding. How the mighty had fallen. Sousuke Sagara, ace Arm Slave pilot---scourge of evil doers from the jungles of South America to the rice paddies of Southeast Asia. Sousuke Sagara, melancholy student, pining away after who knows what.
“Hate….” he said. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing. His attention was focused totally inward---he didn’t take notice of someone standing in the dark outside of the room.
He shook his head and straightened his back, then got back to sweeping.
“Hate is not a problem.”
Sousuke Sagara, soldier of Mithril, had been hated by numerous enemies on countless missions. Hate had not stunted his growth. It had not spoiled his aim or lessened his stamina. He could not recall any time where hate had adversely affected his reflexes.
“It appears that I am the problem.”
Bending over with a dustpan, he saw a magazine someone had careless tossed aside. He picked it up, intending to throw it away. Instead, he stared at the cover. It was ‘CREA,’ one of the mainstream publications favored by the popular crowd.
The boy and girl pictured on the cover held his attention. The girl was pretty and smiling. She was happy. She was hanging onto the boy. There was no halisen in sight. The boy was dressed in the latest fashion, a sweater tied around his neck. He too looked happy. He held a music player in one hand and wore a pair of earphones. His outfit showed no tell-tale signs of a concealed weapon.
‘Top 50 things for teens to do in Tokyo,’ one header read. ‘Expert tips for the greatest date,’ another exclaimed. ‘Planning for your future---do’s and don’ts for the teen on the go.’ Sousuke opened the magazine cautiously, almost as if it were a door to an enemy hideaway filled with traps to catch the unwary. The first article he saw was titled ‘The Teen Years---enjoy them while they last.’
He leafed threw a number of pages and stopped to read some of the articles and exposes. He closed the magazine….walked over to the garbage can…. looked at the cover again… then dropped the publication into the receptacle.
Shrugging his shoulders, he walked back over to his broom. Still thinking about what it might be like to be a simple teenager, he took out his Glock and looked at it. He fought the urge to break it down and put it back together. Likewise, he refused to take out the clip and confirm how many rounds were left. The handle was smooth and worn. The scratches and nicks each had a story to tell. It felt like a part of his hand.
‘Glock 17’ wasn’t listed under ‘Expert tips.’ ‘Electronics trouble-shooting and late night suveillance’ didn’t make the ‘Top 50.’ He had seen no mention of ’Blood, death, and mayhem’ under ‘Planning for your future.’ Enjoy the teen years? The same way he had enjoyed his early childhood? What did arbitrary age categories matter to a soldier who had started killing before he was strong enough to carry a wounded soldier from the killing grounds? What did they mean to someone who would fight until someday he was dead, or could no longer hold up a weapon?
Life marched on. Comrades came and went. Everything was fleeting. He had no business wondering if the grass was greener on the other side. It had been foolish to pin his hopes on something, even if for a few brief moments.
Anger flared up inside him. Before he realized what he was doing, Sousuke kicked a desk as hard as he could. It flew up against one wall, knocking a number of items off of a bulletin board before tumbling over the teacher’s desk and knocking a line of erasers off the bottom of the blackboard. He picked up a chair and was about to throw it out a window. He got himself under control just in time.
“No. It is better this way.”
The loss of control shocked Sousuke and caused him to close his eyes and take a number of deep breaths. Why was he feeling this way? How was today REALLY any different than the day before? A card? An invitation? Some time spent examining his feelings? A disappointment? Ridiculous! Especially for a Specialist….
Indeed. It was irresponsible to let emotions intrude on his carefully scripted mission parameters. He could not serve Kaname to the best of his abilities that way. Then again, maybe his best was not good enough. Was he in any way an asset in Kaname’s life? If her reaction that afternoon was any indication, he might well be a greater imposition on her than her being Whispered was. She was a potential target. He was a definite disruption.
It didn’t matter that he always tried his very best, or that everything he did was with her best interest in mind. He risked his life for her without hesitation or remorse. And despite all that, it seemed that he made her miserable. Was her life any better because of his protection---he had his doubts, realizing at that moment that he very much wanted her life to be happy. Not only did he want her life to be better, he wished to be the reason for that improvement.
He had overstepped his bounds.
There was no denying that being a soldier had made him a poor teenager. Would the teenager in him make him a poor soldier? Was there some way to please both sides? Did he need to choose one or the other?
Was it too late?
It was probably best that Kaname said what she did. He was going to accept her invitation. That might have ended up leading him even more astray.
“Kaname.”
He rested a moment. After wiping the sweat off of his brow with his shirt tail, he took out the card to look at it. Kaname must have worked hard at the calligraphy. The parchment looked expensive. He held the paper up to his nose and inhaled slowly, his eyes closed. Nice. Soothing. Even slightly provocative, to his embarrassment.
Walking over to Kaname’s desk, he left it inside. Thinking a moment, he took a piece of paper out of his own desk. Finding no pen there, he borrowed one from a nearby desk.
-----------------------------------
‘Kaname
Thank you for the invitation.
Whether or not you hate me, I will continue to do my best to protect you.
If you wish a replacement bodyguard, I will champion your cause.
My apologies for being deficient.
I do not wish to be a problem.
Sousuke Sagara
Student, Jindai High School’
-----------------------------------
He wrapped the note around Kaname’s card. He had decided not to say the same words in person. He was no good with words. And, his presence might only make her feel worse. Perhaps it would be best if he stayed away from the school for a few days. He had been excluded from a mission coming up in the Sudan. He could serve a role there, if they would make allowances.
It was not a matter of over-reacting. He could remember Kaname showing up at his doorstep with a box of food and an apology one night She obviously did not hate him then. She might not truly hate him now. But, no one else caused her to run crying from a room, either. He thought back to the incident with the Full Monty bacteria, when she believed it to be a killer virus. She acted as if she almost felt relieved to die, if it meant she no longer had to deal with his otaku nature. People’s words and actions near death are often more honest than at any other time.
Deep inside, Kaname may wish he were gone.
Then why did she give me the card?
And why did she expect more from him than she did of every other guy?
How could he, let alone any male, expect to understand the workings of a female mind?
‘You’re right. I don’t really know you. But you’re a great guy. You’re really special.’ She had said something like that once, aboard the TDD-1, not long after his final battle with Gauron and Venom. He wondered if she would ever be inclined to say something like that again. Those words may just have been caused by her intoxication from the excitement of a near death experience and the heady nature of being a key figure in the survival of the submarine and all its crew.
He found himself hoping that was not the case.
His mind repeated her words over and over again. He say the same image in his head that he had seen then. A glowing figure of Kaname, naked. Swallowing hard, he realized that he was concentrating on the image, trying to see the details that had been chastely edited out before.
What was he doing?!!
Sweat broke out on his forehead.
The more he tried to consciously stop his mental peeping, the harder his subconscious tried to circumvent him. That was NOT the way a responsible soldier should act!
If he was truly intent on protecting Kaname’s honor and dignity, he should probably hit himself with Kaname’s halisen.
Besides, what right did someone like him have to be thinking that way about someone like Kaname. She was bright. She was hard working. She had overcome a number of difficult adversities and managed to be liked and admired.
And.
And she was attractive.
“Uh….”
Well, she was. Whether or not he took notice of it, or allowed him self to see it. Or to say it, unbidden.
Sousuke walked over to a window and opened it, taking a deep breath of the chill night air. He stared out at the moving lights on the street below. Looking off in the dark, he saw past images of a sunset and a spraying fountain. Kaname was there, in her mother’s kimono. She had caught him off guard, but no more so than he had surprised himself. She had wanted him to say she was beautiful. He had done so.
He had meant it.
But he had not allowed himself to think further on the matter at that time, or afterwards.
There had also been no effort on his part to explore or capitalize on the brief moment they had shared together before his first action in Arbalest. They had been physically close. His eyes had been locked on hers. They had repeated each other’s name. There was a mindless yearning inside him that both tantalized and terrified him.
For a moment he had felt….
Looking at a speeding delivery truck, Sousuke tried to break that train of thought. Instead, he gave his memory of Kaname an imaginary salute. She had shown herself to be brave and resourceful that night. She had helped save herself, him, and Kurz.
Bright. Hard working. Admired. Beautiful. Brave. Resourceful. She was all those things. Whispered nature aside, she was extraordinary, but still a normal teenager. Someone who deserved a normal life. A person who would benefit from normal friends. A girl who wanted normal walks in normal places with normal occurrences.
Sousuke was not normal. Not even close.
He was different. Exceedingly so.
Sousuke walked over to Kaname’s desk and reached for the card again. He stopped and pulled back his hand. He shook his head.
“I am too different. But is different always wrong?” Pent up emotions flooded him then. That was a question he had asked himself many times in the past, but always found some way to avoid answering conclusively.
“No.” A girl’s voice answered for him.
Sousuke turned, seeing someone walk into the room.
It was Kaname.
************
************
*************
Kaname had run out of the classroom.
Such a deplorable show of weakness.
What did her classmates think?
What would her teacher end up doing?
Sousuke.
That big idiot! Moron!! Jerk!!!
Why didn’t he just keep the card tucked away? He could have talked to her about it later. No, he was probably being considerate. No doubt he realized that she would be worried, not knowing what had happened to it.
“But he didn’t have to say ‘Yes.’ I don’t care if he was answering the teacher. It caught me off guard. It got my hopes up.”
And, when he began speaking, she was so certain that he was talking about her… the card… everything.
“Whose fault is that, Kaname? Really….”
She sighed, deep and long. Putting down the towel, she looked in the locker room mirror. She was still there. The girl who had thrown off her clothes, turned on the shower, then put her head against the wall as she cried.
“What would he have said?”
Her heart skipped a beat. The blood rushed to her face. She wrung her hands together. She would probably never know now. Not after the show that she put on.
She saw Sousuke’s face in her mind.
It had the same calm but clueless expression.
Would he have said ‘Yes’ or ’Affirmative’ to the request? She looked to her reflection, hoping it could tell her. Would he have said ‘No’ or ‘Negative’ instead? She looked down at the floor, embarrassed to see her neat and clean clothes strewn here and there.
Kaname was even more embarrassed by what she had said. Embarrassed and plagued by guilt.
‘Sousuke,….. I hate you….’
Sometimes she wondered if she did. Without even a moment’s notice, a perfect day could be blown asunder. Meticulous plans could be rendered useless. Hopes, dreams, aspirations could all be brushed into the gutter.
But, she had to admit to herself that she fed off the excitement and uncertainty…. sometimes. SOMETIMES!!! ‘Sometimes’ is not enough, not for that kind of disruption in her life.
Right?
Hadn’t she been trying so hard to throw out all manners and means of disruption, just as she had tossed out a lot of junk from her earlier life? Uprooted. Moved overseas. Acting out, and being written up by the police and analyzed by countless counselors. Her mother’s sickness, slow decline, and death. The torment she suffered through in Junior High.
There was nothing wrong with wanting peace and stability, was there?
Kaname took the towel over to the laundry bin and dropped it in. She brushed off her clothes and began to get dressed.
Sousuke’s face was still there, in the back of her mind.
“Stop looking, you pervert!”
She caught herself. He wasn’t really there and she was still berating him. The young soldier with the scar on his face had really gotten under her skin, hadn’t he? Who could blame her? Everybody else would have broken down by now, shipped off to some asylum.
Kaname realized something for a moment. She wasn’t weak. She was remarkably strong. It took a lot of personal strength to deal with Sousuke’s antics day in day out, and then come back to school fresh the next day, as if nothing had happened. It had taken a lot of strength to build up what she had now in High School, given everything she had faced before.
She did seem to have one weakness, though.
Sousuke.
Ironic. Almost painfully so.
She had spent a lot of time thinking about him. And cursing him. And crying about him.
“And you wanted him looking at you just now….” The Shoulder Devil made a brief appearance, floating in mid air, grunting under the weight of a full body cast.
“Yes….” Kaname answered. “NO!” She struck out quickly, trying to punch the imaginary figure. She hit a locker, hard. It hurt!
That card.
What had she done?
What was she going to do?
“Maybe you should walk in someone else’s shoes for a while.” The Shoulder Angel popped into view. She saw the shallow dent in the locker. “Tsk tsk.” She disappeared.
Kaname suddenly felt despicable. Tears threatened to come to her eyes, if there were any left to cry. She thought about what it must be like to be Sousuke. What it must have been like to suffer what he had, and to be faced with the things he took for granted. She had moved about some, but he was always on the move. She had made herself a home of sorts, even though her father and sister were far away. Sousuke had no family left. A submarine was his home. A submarine and any trench, foxhole, stake out, or hideaway he found himself in.
“Sousuke.”
She wondered just what went on inside him. It was so hard to judge. He was so hard to figure out. She wondered if she liked him because he was kind and dependable…. because he was a challenge to understand… or because he was so different than everyone else. Did he even have emotions like normal boys and girls. Were they hidden away, held captive by his rigid military discipline and duty? Or, was he numb, unfeeling, and dead inside?
If he had feelings, she may have hurt him back there. But, there would be hope. There would be something for her to work on. He must be pretty strong too, taking what he did from her again and again, always coming back to protect her. Would he even want anything to do with a girl like that, assuming he had any attraction to girls at all?
‘He said I was beautiful.’ Kaname reminded herself. ‘I saw the look on his face when he said I keep surprising him.’
Kaname began working on her hair.
What if Sousuke didn’t have any feelings, or would never be able to get in touch with them? It would mean that she hadn’t hurt him unfairly. Somehow, that might make her feel a little better. But, would he be someone worth caring about, then? Was that the kind of boy she should be thinking about, when others had made their interest in her known? There were only so many days left in her teenage life. Before she knew it, she would be in college, and then in a job.
These special days would not last forever.
Another question raised its hand. The brush caught painfully in her hair when her arm stiffened. Did she look at Sousuke to see who he was, or hoping to see the things that she wanted him to be? Was she intent on discovering what made him tick, or on changing him to fit her needs?
She scowled, looking at her reflection, the hair brush just dangling there. That was as undignified look as she had seen lately.
“Moron.”
Kaname hadn’t been talking about Sousuke that time.
She saw an image of Sousuke on a leash. ‘Up boy, up! Show everybody your gun. Good boy!’
Kaname couldn’t help but smile. He actually DID deserve something like that, once in a while. But she knew that hadn’t been the point. What exactly did she want? Did she want to be the girl who tamed the wild otaku? Would it be an ego thing, being the only girl in school with a Sousuke?
Every girl probably wanted someone to protect her. What girl wouldn’t want someone to rush to her aid, shielding her with his body, lifting her up when she had fallen? What girl wouldn’t want to be the center of some boy’s attention, 24/7?
But, those girls would hope the boy would do that because he wanted to, not because he was ordered to. Would Sousuke want to, even if it wasn’t his obligation.
‘Obligation.’ How she had come to despise that word.
Involuntarily, something Melissa once said came to mind. She had been speaking about Kurz, but it was the truth that mattered. “You can’t polish a turd.”
“Ugh!” Who would even want to try. She shook the image out of her mind.
“Way to go girl! Great romantic thought!” The Shoulder Devil appeared, pulling at the hair brush. “Be sure to tell Sousuke what you think of him….”
“Shut up!” Kaname groused.
“Gotcha.” The impish figure blew her a kiss, did a swan dive, and disappeared down the sink drain.
The saying was vulgar, but it certainly spoke a powerful truth.
“Works both ways, sweetie.” The Shoulder Angel materialized holding a large ugly brown cup. She tied her hair back, put on a pair of gloves, and took out a large bottle of silver polish. Her elbows were a blur as she went at the the cup with a rough cloth. When she was finished, she smiled triumphantly. Holding up a gleaming silver chalice, she pointed to the words engraved on its side: ‘Don’t know until you try.’ She disappeared.
“Why do things have to be so hard?”
Did she really want to put her heart out on her sleeve… lay everything she was out on the line… make a considerable effort and use up precious time…. only to realize that Sousuke WAS a something undesirable? All of his actions and good intentions would be meaningless then. All of the horrors, trials, and tribulations from the past would become magnified in her mind.
There were plenty of warning signs that spoke of that possibility. Images bubbled up within her head, tickling her memory.
But what if Sousuke were that someone special, the boy who could complete her, the Yin to her Yang? Could she live with the possibility that he was everything she ever wanted and she let him get away without even trying? What if he was merely covered with an understandable layer of tarnish. If that were the case, and she came to that realization after she had burned all of their bridges, the special times they had shared together would always speak to her of lost opportunities.
“Don’t know until you try.”
Yes. She had taken risks before. It was how she became a class representative. It was why she was Student Council Vice President and captain of the girl’s softball team. It was the reason for her amazing turnaround after Junior High.
There was only so much that thinking, wondering, and worrying could accomplish. Besides, she had already thought things through a number of times. It was her who bought the card, after all. Bought it… wrote it… perfumed it… then sealed it. No one else carried it to school for her. Right?
“Why don’t you try a little test? There are a bunch of boys hot on your trail. Think about them a bit. The steamier the better. Maybe you’ll forget about Fido then.” The Shoulder Devil licked her finger, touched herself, and smiled at the steam coming off.
Kaname blushed, But, she followed the suggestion. Satoru Shirai. No. The boy she went to the amusement park with. Close, but no cigar. Tsubaki Issei. Cute and sweet, but no. Guys in the soccer and track clubs. Get real! A college student living in her apartment building. Forget about it.
She spun the hair brush in her hand as she thought. It didn’t take long.
Some were too safe. Others were too boring. Or too annoying.
None were Sousuke.
“Guess that answers that.” She checked her watch. No more time for deliberations. It was time to head off for the next class. She still had time to speak to her teacher and offer an apology. Hopefully he would understand.
Walking through the hallway, she came across Kyouko.
“Kaaaa-naaaa-maaaaay.” Kyouko looked relieved to see her. “I was so worried about you. We looked all over.”
“I’m feeling better now, Ky. I embarrassed myself in front of the entire class. It took a while to shake that off.” Kaname did not feel like going any further than that, not even with her best friend.
“You missed what Sousuke did!” Kyouko’s words sent an icy dagger into Kaname’s heart.
What did he do? Rip up the card? Say something about her behind her back? Blow something up? Leave the school? Forever?
“W-What did he d-do?” Kaname flinched, knowing how she must have sounded.
“He’s never done something quite like that before. You should have seen it!” Kyouko held up her camera. Kaname COULD see it.
“WHAT?” Kaname frowned. Now she was yelling.
Kyouko smiled. She realized that she had a fish on the line.
“Never mind. I shouldn’t have brought it up. You probably wouldn’t care.” Kyouko grinned. “Besides, it’s all over the school by now. I’m certain you’ll hear someone talking about it.”
“He was marvelous,” Ren said, walking up behind Kyouko. Kyouko pouted. Ren smiled.
“Well?” Kaname was clenching her fists.
Ren continued smiling. She winked at Kyouko.
“Ren! Kyouko! You….” Kaname got herself under control. She tossed off a trademark ‘Hmmppff’ and began to walk off. Someone would tell her. Someone better!
“Do you want to tell her, Kyouko?” Ren spoke in a considerate tone.
“OK.” Kyouko smiled. She intended to stay quiet a bit longer, until she saw the look on Kaname’s face. Seeing Ryo, Maya, and Mizuki heading in their direction, she did pause until they arrived.
“Mr. Ichigaki asked for whatever card Sousuke was holding. He threatened Sousuke with detention. Sousuke was so brave. He said ‘No. I will not.’ He told the teacher ‘Your request has been denied.’ When Mr. Ichigaki told him it was an order and not a request, Sousuke didn’t bat an eye.
“If you do not give me the card, you will be staying after school for detention, young man!” Ryo did a perfect imitation of the angry teacher.
“It is not a problem.” Maya had everyone smiling with her Sousuke voice.
“And then he just sat back in the chair and closed his eyes.” Mizuki looked doe-eyed. “Mr. Ichigaki gave him one week’s detention for his disrespectful behavior. He sent Sousuke to the Principal’s office.”
Sousuke had done that for her? After she said what she did?
Kaname felt ashamed.
Still, she couldn't help but smile a quick small smile.
“So what WAS in that card, Kaname?” Kyouko had her camera ready. Ren put her hand over the lens. She shook her head. Kyouko nodded.
“It’s personal.” The tone of Kaname’s voice took all of her friends by surprise. It was straight forward, with no hint of denial. There was no sign of her trademark laughter. They were at a loss to know what to say or do.
“I have two people to apologize to.”
Kaname had to force herself not to sprint. Suddenly, it felt as if time was running out for some reason. Why had she waited so long? No. Breath deep. Relax. She had nothing to regret. She would have waited for the end of class in any case.
After bowing and saying ‘I am so sorry’ to Mr. Ichigaki, Kaname pushed her way through the crowd, heading for her next class. Walking into the room expectantly, her eyes went immediately to Sousuke’s seat.
He wasn’t there.
The whispers and giggles started almost immediately, but she paid them no heed. Where was Sousuke? Was he still in the Principal’s office? No one stayed that long, unless they were about to be expelled. No way! Not that! He had only refused a teacher’s order about something that way personal and none of the teacher’s business. Unless Sousuke did something that the girls hadn’t mentioned.
Like a gun, knife, or grenade.
Maybe he was upset and went home. Would he have done that? Leaving without giving her word? Well, she had been rather upset. He might have decided that it was better for him to just go. Didn’t he plan to come back and do his detention, though? If he skipped that, he really might be looking at serious trouble.
It wasn’t his style. Sousuke never ran away from punishment. And he wasn’t a quitter.
Unless he wasn’t planning on coming back at all. Could this have been the final straw? He was an Arm Slave pilot first, after all. That, and an experienced combat soldier. School was an alien landscape for him. He might have decided to go back to what he knew best… where he felt most comfortable… with people who would treat him appropriately.
Treat him appropriately.
Unlike Kaname.
‘Sousuke….. I hate you…’ He certainly hadn’t deserved that.
Kaname kept her eyes glued to the clock. The second hand became the center of her world. There were only a few minutes left. She whispered to herself. “Come on, Sousuke. Time is running out. You’re coming, aren’t you. I’m sorrrrrrrrry….”
She needed an answer. She turned to the nearest girl.
“Do you know if Sousuke ever came back from the Principal’s office?”
The girl never had a chance to reply. Atsunobu answered instead.
“I was up in the office checking on next week’s meeting.” He put down his book, straightened his glasses, and glanced at Kaname. “Sousuke came out from his talk with the Principal while I was there. I heard him ask for permission to leave school early. I didn’t catch any particulars. He did mention that he had a long distance call to make.”
“I see. Thank you.”
A long distance call? She knew who that would be. Mithril. Lt. Cmdr, Kalinin, probably. Maybe Kurz or Melissa. It could even be HER. It had better NOT be. That would be the story of Kaname’s life. Finding someone she wanted to get to know better, then driving him away and into the arms of a pint-sized scheming manipulative clumsy desperate stick of a girl!!!
“Why don’t you say how you REALLY feel about her?” The Shoulder Devil held a Tessa voodoo doll. She was hammering railroad spikes into it. A shepherd’s hook came out of nowhere… wrapped around the devil’s neck…. then yanked it into oblivion.
Kaname began to worry in earnest. She could image Sousuke going away on a mission instead of staying around someone who made nice to him one moment, then slapped him down the next. At least he knew what to expect from the enemy.
What if he got killed, going on a mission he would not have normally gone on. Then it would be HER fault….
Her pencil snapped.
She had been pushing too hard. Yes. Not just with the pencil. That card had been a bold move. Maybe too bold. Sousuke had no way to know what her intentions were. He might have jumped to the wrong conclusion. Had she scared him away? If so, did that mean he wasn’t worth her attention in the first place?
No.
In any case, that wasn’t the point.
Was he OK?
Kaname found it hard to concentrate during the rest of that class. Things didn’t become any easier after that. She phoned Sousuke’s apartment, but nobody answered. It was wrong to fear the worst. He might have felt the need to go for a walk. He could have needed to do some work at one of the safe houses. Who could say for sure?
After school let out, she hung around doing her homework. Her chair turned, she gave herself a view of the main hallway. If Sousuke came in through the front door, she would see him. She finished her assignments. There was no sign of him.
Another call to his apartment.
Still no answer.
Putting her book bag in her locker, Kaname decided to walk about the school. She would check the sitting detention rooms. Then she would look in every other room if necessary. Sousuke had tremendous energy and endurance. His punishment’s were usually physical. The janitor loved having an extra hand.
Peaking into a number of rooms, she drew curious looks from the teachers and rude gestures from the students. No sign of a moody military maniac. Room after room. Corridor after corridor. Logic didn’t matter---she turned on lights everywhere she went, even though it made no sense to think that Sousuke would be doing anything in the dark.
Her steps became quicker between each set of rooms. Her heart beat faster with each empty space. She worried more and more.
“If you left for good, I’ll never speak to you again!” She stopped, wondering where her head was. Did she just say that? Sheesh.
Building after building. Wing after wing. The search continued. Wait, down that hallway, the last room… light coming through the door. The light went off. The room next door lit up. She didn’t see or hear anyone move between rooms.
Step by step. She moved as quietly as possible. The sounds of desks moving could be heard. There was also a repetitive noise, hard to make out.
A few steps more.
The sound was louder.
Sweeping.
The noise sounded like sweeping.
Finally reaching the door, Kaname reached into her purse. She took out her compact. Using the mirror, she got a look into the room.
It WAS Sousuke. She was so relieved. Opening her mouth, she was about to yell “Sousuke-e-e-e-e-e” and run into the room. No. She wanted to watch him a while first. Maybe she could get some idea of what he was feeling. Besides, when Sousuke was armed, it was never a good idea to surprise him.
“Hate….” he said. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing.
Kaname tensed up inside. Was he thinking about someone he hated? Her? Or was he repeating what she had said.
He shook his head and straightened his back, then got back to sweeping. He looked somewhat forlorn. That was not a look she usually associated with the taciturn young soldier. Why did it take something as drastic as all this to see his human side?
“Hate is not a problem.”
The tone in his voice spoke otherwise. Kaname began to feel remorseful. Sousuke didn’t deserve to go through this. She admitted to herself that she was entirely at fault. He hadn’t done anything wrong. It wasn’t fair to keep punishing him a little here and a little there for each big problem he did cause.
“It appears that I am the problem.”
Kaname froze. Tears came to her eyes. She had felt that way about herself once, back when so many things seemed to be going wrong. She could find no other explanation at the time.
She watched Sousuke bend over with a dustpan.
“Nice ass, huh?” Kaname didn’t even have to look. Not at Sousuke. She did indeed know how he looked. And not at the Shoulder Devil. She knew who it was.
“Want me to get him to turn around? There’s something else you sneak a peek at now and then.”
Kaname cursed under her breath. When she looked up, the Shoulder Angel was there. The look she gave her clearly said ‘Well, aren’t you going to say anything?’ The shrug she got from the angel in return said ‘No. She has a good point.’
Sousuke picked up a colorful magazine. He leafed threw a number of pages and stopped to scan some of the articles and exposes. He closed the magazine….walked over to the garbage can…. looked at the cover again… then dropped the publication into the receptacle.
Kaname would have given anything to hear his thoughts.
Shrugging his shoulders, the young operative walked back over to his broom. He took out his Glock and looked at it. Why?
He wasn’t thinking about shooting himself was he?
Should she run in?
Could she make it in time?
Might he shoot her too?
No!
No. It wasn’t that. He probably just wanted to see something familiar… something he could depend on.
Sousuke kicked a desk as hard as he could. It flew up against one wall, knocking a number of items off of a bulletin board before tumbling over the teacher’s desk and shaking a line of erasers off the bottom of the blackboard. He picked up a chair and was about to throw it out a window.
The anger frightened Kaname. It was so unexpected. So primal. It had almost been like something she saw on one of the nature channels. He must be very hurt. Did the invitation mean that much to him? Had he been looking forward to that night? Her pulse rate went up.
Was he feeling betrayed, because of all he had done for her? Might he wonder why the Hell he was even at Jindai High School, doing his best for someone who sometimes treated him like he was the worst? She lowered her eyes.
“No. It is better this way.”
He was trying to convince himself of something that wasn’t true. Kaname had been THERE before, too. He really must have wanted to spend time with her. That thought warmed her at first. Soon though, she felt guilty. Guilty for what she had said, and guilty for secretly watching his pain.
Sousuke walked over and retrieved the desk. He put it back in place. There was nothing he could do about the huge dent underneath. He picked up his broom, tested its weight again, then spun it a couple of times before using it as it was intended.
Kaname smiled.
Even without witnesses, Sousuke was still an otaku. Everything was a weapon. Geez!
“Kaname.”
The blue-haired girl froze again. She wished she had a rewind button. She just KNEW that he must be able to hear the drum-like beat of her heart. She could have no doubt about her own feelings, either. She did want to spend some quiet time alone with Sousuke, in a place that had nothing to do with Mithril, Jindai, Whispered, school, etc.
She had wanted him to have emotions. Even strong ones. No matter what they were.
“Keep going.” It was the Shoulder Angel this time.
“Well, it IS for your own good, isn’t it?”
Kaname nodded. She wanted him to have strong emotions about her. Good emotions.
“Want me to name them?” The angel smiled before winking out.
Kaname sighed.
After wiping the sweat off of his brow with his shirt tail, Sousuke took out the card to look at it. He held the paper up to his nose and inhaled slowly, his eyes closed. Kaname’s heart almost burst. She would have melted into a puddle if he had kissed the paper or said something romantic.
Walking over to Kaname’s desk, he left it inside.
“What are you doing, Sousuke? Big idiot. Jerk. Stupid head. Don’t go all noble on me now.” Kaname managed to keep her words inaudible. Barely. “Fight for me. I’m worth it, aren’t I? Moron!”
Still, she was moved. Sousuke had walked over with such grace, such dignity… even a hint of strength. For that moment, he was more of a hero to her than he had ever been in the past. She was glad she hadn’t announced her presence, if only for that opportunity.
“Sure, Kaname. He’s nothing more than a military machine. No feelings whatsoever. He never thinks about you or your feelings.” Kaname didn’t feel much like a hero at that moment. Not at all.
Sousuke took a piece of paper out of his own desk. Finding no pen there, he borrowed one from a nearby piece of school furniture. He spent some time writing something, then wrapped the note around Kaname’s card.
‘WHAT DID HE WRITE?’ Kaname’s thoughts rang out like a large church bell, with her as the clanger. She hated suspense. She had to know.
Sousuke took out his pistol, put it on a desk top, and spun it. It stopped, barrel pointing towards him.
"I win."
What? Kaname deflated. Just what was he talking about?
Not suicide.
That had just been a foolish thought before, hadn’t it? Just because she was once faced with that choice didn’t mean that Sousuke would be too.
No. He’s lost in thought, but he doesn’t look depressed.
The whole scene actually reminded Kaname more of Spin The Bottle.
What?
He’s blushing!!!
“Uh….”
“Sousuke Sagara, what are you thinking about?” Kaname’s heart rate went back up again. “WHO are you thinking about?”
The Shoulder Devil flew down in a helicopter. A Mithril helicopter. Opening the door, she stepped down, wearing a captain’s uniform.
The veins at Kaname’s temples throbbed. The devil knew that discretion was the better part of valor. It vanished.
Kaname wasn't going to fall into THAT trap this time.
She knew.
Sousuke walked over to a window and opened it, taking a deep breath of the chill night air. He stared out at the moving lights on the street below. Kaname felt like a voyeur, but she couldn’t tear her self away, and she didn’t want to break the moment. She had done a lot of thinking. Sousuke must need to do the same thing too.
It felt nice, having something in common with him.
She watched as he walked over to her desk and reached for the card again. He stopped and pulled back his hand. He shook his head. Kaname could feel the tension. She could see the conflict in him, noting how his body seemed at war with itself. It was exhilarating…. instructive…. painful.
“I am too different. But is different always wrong?” His voice wavered slightly.
“No.” Kaname couldn’t wait any longer. She had asked herself that question many times. Sousuke needed to know he had done nothing wrong. She wanted to tell him he was OK just the way he was.
Swallowing hard, she walked into the room.
*************
*************
*************
It was an awkward moment.
Both Sousuke and Kaname had done a lot of thinking.
They had spent time searching every nook and cranny of their souls.
Each had come to what they felt were significant conclusions.
The objects of their thoughts stood before them, one holding a broom, the other holding her tongue.
“It’s OK. Take your time.” The Shoulder Angel offered encouragement. “The next words may be important.”
“Have they taken their clothes off yet? Great way to break the ice…” The Shoulder Devil had a bucket of popcorn and a pair of opera glasses.
Kaname flinched, but she still didn’t say anything. She swallowed. It was a good time to check out the progress of Sousuke’s work. Everything was so clean. The desks and chairs were in neat rows. He would make a wonderful janitor.
Sousuke stared at Kaname. It was late. She shouldn’t be wandering around a dark school, alone. Why had she come looking for him? Did she want the card back that badly, or was he correct about the likelihood of her regretting her actions. Her posture and silence favored the latter.
“Sousuke, I….”
“Kaname, I….”
Both had started speaking at the exact same time.
Each went silent again, waiting for the other to start.
“I figure THAT counts as foreplay!” The Shoulder Devil put on a dominatrix costume.
“Give it a rest.” The Shoulder Angel said, pulling a never-ending cord. A shower head appeared over the devil and discharged gallon after gallon of icy cold water.
Kaname looked at Sousuke’s eyes, trying to get an idea of his mood. Was he angry at her? Did he despise her? Was he confused? Did her presence here bother him? Her one hand began to twitch involuntarily. She looked him up and down, as if preparing to memorize his appearance for the last time. She gulped when her eyes touched upon certain areas.
“It’s OK. That’s probably just a concealed weapon,” she murmured to herself.
The Shoulder Devil tried to comment, but its teeth were chattering too much. The Shoulder Angel swiped the opera glasses.
Sousuke felt torn. His head was telling him to ask Kaname if she wanted him gone from her life. His heart wanted him to find out whether she wanted him in her life. His eyes didn’t help that debate. He remembered his earlier thoughts. Even in a school uniform, she was beautiful. Part of him was afraid he’d turn into a pillar of salt because he looked.
‘Make a decision, soldier! The mission can’t get started without you.’ Sousuke’s thought had part of him saluting and another part slapping its forehead. Wouldn’t Kaname love to hear that he had thought of this as a mission.
“I apologize….” Sousuke blurted out with conviction.
“I’m sorr-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e….” Kaname said with a large burst of emotion.
They had both spoken at the same time again. Sousuke relaxed some, wondering what the probability for something like that was. Kaname smiled, feeling a little more at ease.
“You may proceed….” Sousuke figured it was her duty to follow-up the final words spoken between them.
“Go right ahead….” Kaname didn’t want to speak at that moment. For some reason, she just wanted to hear Sousuke’s vice.
The silence stretched on, both students standing completely still. The analytical part of Sousuke’s mind tried to determine the significance of the phenomenon. The urge to speak began building within Kaname, too much water for the dam to hold---but, she was now even more determined that Sousuke should go first.
Sousuke thought back to one of his earlier thinking sessions. Maybe he SHOULD use sign language.
Kaname was beginning to feel the telltale tightening of her jaw that heralded the arrival of her anger.
“Uh….” Sousuke ventured, despite all of the mental preparation he had done.
“Well-l-l-l-l-l?” Kaname said at the same time.
“I….” Sousuke was trying, but he couldn’t find the right words. There were too many possible choices. He would have traded his eye teeth for an instruction manual.
“And?” Kaname began tapping her feet. Her prior thoughts took second stage. She was on automatic now, back in familiar territory.
“If….” Sousuke was sweating now, in part from the mental exertion, and in part from nervousness. He kept looking at Kaname to judge her body language, but all he could see was the curves in that body. This was not the time.
Kaname stood quietly, her arms crossed over her chest. Her eyes had narrowed.
The Shoulder Devil reappeared, holding a small weather chart. “Today's forecast for Pompeii…. expect midday flames from the volcano and an immense black cloud covering the sun. For the next few days… there is a high likelihood of volcanic matter, fist-sized rocks, and red-hot cinders raining down on the city, making a blanket up to an estimated fifteen to twenty feet deep over the entire area. People should expect to be encased in the ash as it cools. The survivors who escape the eruption can expect to be killed by poisonous gas.
“But what about all of those things you were thinking about?” The Shoulder Angel was totally ignored.
Sousuke berated himself. He was a Specialist. He could do this. He HAD to do this. Now.
“Uh…”
“SOUSUKE!!!” Kaname took just one step forward. Her hands were on her hips. There was a look of danger in her eyes.
Sousuke snapped to attention.
“Sir, yes sir!” His arm started upward, but he managed to abort the salute.
“At ease, Sousuke.” Kaname cringed. It had been the first thing on her lips. She was mortified. Still, she felt a smile beginning. Sousuke’s reaction had been cute. Her own reaction was puzzling. Normally she would have gotten even more angry, seeing him go all military at a time like this.
Sousuke spread his legs apart and put his arms behind his back.
Kaname just shook her head.
“Tell him to drop and give you twenty!” The Shoulder Devil wore a combat helmet and carried a riding crop.
Kaname smiled.
“Kaname?” Sousuke took note of her smile. Was she happy, or had he done something amusing again. Not for the first time that day, he marveled at the complexity of women.
There were a lot of things that Kaname wanted to know. Did Sousuke like getting the card. Was he going to say ‘Yes.’ Did he hope the invitation still stood? Would he still say ‘Yes.’ What had he been feeling after her unfortunate exclamation? Did he hate her? Was he considering leaving the school? Had he been thinking about her?
“Did he picture you naked?” The Shoulder Devil added helpfully.
“Ummm…so… you’ve been sweeping?” Kaname couldn’t believe herself! With all the things she could have asked or made it a point to say, she came up with THAT.
“Affirmative. That is what this broom is for, Kaname.” Sousuke’s voice was calm and controlled. There wasn’t the slightest hint that he was explaining the obvious. Nonetheless, his simple statement was just what Kaname needed to break past the barrier.
“I can SEE that, Sousuke. What do you think I am, some kind of idiot?” Kaname stamped her foot, hard.
Sousuke didn’t answer. For once, he treated the query as he should, as a rhetorical question.
Kaname---who in the past always smacked him with the halisen when he replied to that type of question---grew angrier. Angrier, and concerned. Did his silence mean ‘Yes?’
“WELL???” Kaname took a few more steps forward.
Sousuke stood his ground. He didn’t say anything. Kaname should know that he considered her very intelligent. This must be some kind of test. He would not fail.
Kaname bit her lip. Her eyes went soft. Her shoulders slumped ever so little.
“You don’t, do you Sousuke?” Her voice was uncertain, vulnerable. All of the steam had rushed out of her.
Sousuke thought about the change in Kaname. She was obviously not ill. She had looked fine a moment ago. It was no doubt an emotional thing. A female emotional thing. He wasn’t certain what to do, so he would offer reassurance.
“Negative.” Kaname still looked somewhat unconvinced, so Sousuke editorialized---more than he had intended. “It should be as obvious to you as it is to me. You are the kindest, brightest, most beautiful girl in the school.”
Sousuke froze. He knew that feeling. It had come when he had been too aggressive in his fighting, doing more collateral damage than he should have.
Kaname rocked back on her heals. Her body temperature rose almost immediately. She wasn’t certain what she just heard.
“I’m sorry, Sousuke. I missed part of that. Would you repeat it please?”
“Uh…I… umm… said it should be as obvious to you as it is to me, that you are the kindest and brightest girl in the school.” Sousuke began to sweat. For some reason, he felt like running. But, part of him wanted to tell Kaname exactly what he had said.
“I see,” Kaname said, hiding a smile. She was not about to let Sousuke off the hook. “That’s not what you said the first time, was it?”
“Uh… I assure you, Kaname… I used those exact words.”
Kaname took a few more steps towards Sousuke. She saw his eyes follow her every move. He swallowed hard. Good!
“I know that, Sousuke! I just think you said something more. That’s the part I missed. Was it something important?” She took another step forward.
“Uh….”
“Well-l-l-l-l….”
“I… it…ummm…”
“I’m waiting….”
“Uh….”
Kaname tossed her hair and put on a mock frown. She turned around and began walking away. Over her shoulder she said “Hmmppff! And I thought soldiers were supposed to be honorable….”
“I said you were beautiful.” Sousuke’s words came out in a rush.
“I see. That’s the second time you’ve said that. You must really feel that way, then.” Kaname couldn’t help herself. She smiled. Her eyes went big. The feeling inside her was undeniable. For a brief moment, she had felt like kissing him.
“Ooooooh.” The Shoulder Devil was in such a hurry, she forgot to get dressed. “Go for it, girl! While you’re at it, tell him you think he’s hot. You know…. he had remarkable stamina….”
Kaname brushed angrily at her shoulder, trying to dislodge the naked and scampering devil.
“Dandruff, Kaname?” Sousuke’s concerned inquiry was like a bucket of ice. The mood sizzled and went out.
“W-W-What?” Kaname couldn’t believe what she had heard. She had put the cart before the horse. After all, it WAS Sousuke she was dealing with.
“If your scalp is causing you discomfort, I wish to be of assistance.” Sousuke nodded his head, eager.
“N-N-Now?” He had gone from ‘beautiful’ to ‘dandruff.’ She didn’t know whether she should laugh, cry, scream, or smack him. Still, part of her thought it was cute.
“Yes. I do not like to see you in pain, Kaname. I will always do what I can to help you. No matter what.” His jaw tightened. There was an unreadable look in his eye.
“I see. Thank you, Sousuke.” It didn’t matter what he was talking about. Those words were from the heart. If she could extrapolate them further….
“I would recommend one with coal tar; salicylic acid; or either selenium sulfide or pyrithione zinc. The first slows cell production and the latter two reduce cellular turnover. Salicylic acid causes dead cells to slump off before they clump.” Sousuke had suffered from flakey scalp before. He would use his experience for Kaname’s benefit.
“Sousuke….” Kaname said, eyes beginning to narrow.
“If you are worried about lice as well, you would need to use a solution containing Pyrethin, Lindane, Piperonyl Butoxide, or similar agents. I must caution you, however: do not imbibe those agents, as they are very toxic.”
“SOUSUKE!!!” Kaname couldn’t help herself. She did what Sousuke had done earlier. She kicked over a desk. Her breathing was fast and ragged. She clenched both fists.
“Kaname?”
“I….. DO….. NOT….. HAVE….. DANDRUFF…..” Kaname’s face was turning read.
“It is nothing to be ashamed of. I will not tell anyone else…”
“Oooooooh!!!” Kaname was close to the point of no return. She intended to strike him, but not within an inch of his life. Yet. “Give me the broom, Sousuke.”
Kaname?”
“NOW, SOLDIER!”
Sousuke handed the broom to Kaname. “I doubt the flakes will be noticeable. The floor is clean enough for now, Kaname.”
“AHHHH. BAKU!!!”
Kaname smacked Sousuke on top of the head with the broom. Straw caught in his hair. He grimaced.
“Ouwww. Kaname, that hurt.” Sousuke rubbed the sore spot, pulling out the straw.
“Good! How about this?”
Kaname brought the broom handle hard across one of Sousuke’s knees. She had changed her target at the last possible moment. Sousuke didn’t know how lucky he was.
“Ahhhh. Yes.”
“And this?”
Kaname whacked Sousuke’s hand resting on the nearest desk.
Sousuke didn’t say anything. His eyes went somewhat empty. Kaname immediately regretted going too far.
“I do not have dandruff, Sousuke.” Kaname dared Sousuke to contradict her, then continued. “That is not why I was upset. When a boy is telling a girl she is beautiful, she doesn’t want him to stop and talk about dandruff!” She gave him the broom back.
Sousuke bowed his head. “Yes. That makes sense. Like your beauty, your intelligence does not disappear when you get angry. It appears that I am deficient in such matters. Perhaps it would be best if I do not trouble you any more with personal talk. I am not proficient in that.”
Kaname never ceased being amazed by Sousuke. One moment he had him ready to strangle him… the next moment she wanted to hug him.
“No, Sousuke. I want you to trouble me with personal talk.” Kaname blushed. It had been her turn to speak without thinking. “I mean…I….”
“Kaname?”
“You’ll do just fine, Sousuke. You don’t have to be proficient…. you just have to be yourself.” That was all true, but it wasn’t what Kaname had wanted to say. She bit her lip, disappointed in her cowardice. Then again, with Sousuke, maybe it was best to take baby steps.
“I see….”
The silence became awkward and drawn out again. Sousuke didn’t know what to say. Kaname was afraid to say exactly what she was feeling. There was something in the back of her mind shouting for attention. What was it? There had been something she was very curious about and wanted to know?
It came to her.
“Sousuke.”
“Yes, Kaname?”
“Give me the broom back.”
“But….”
“NOW!!!”
“Here….”
Kaname paused a moment. She saw the look in Sousuke’s eyes. He expected to be struck again. For some reason, that brought her close to tears.
“I’m going to sweep for you. You have worked hard enough already.”
“But Kaname, that is my assignment. What should I do?” Sousuke took his responsibilities very seriously, no matter what the source. It was his job to clean up the class rooms, not Kaname’s.
“Did you leave the card in my desk?” Kaname looked Sousuke square in the eyes.
“Uh…”
“I’ll take that as a yes.” She wouldn’t let Sousuke look away. “Did you also leave me a note?”
“Uh…”
“Another ‘Yes.’ I would like you to read me the note.” Kaname began sweeping. When she looked up, Sousuke hadn’t moved.
“Uh…”
“We’re going to work on that problem someday, mister!” Kaname stopped in mid sweep. “Sousuke, could you please get the note for me. It would mean a lot to me.” She batted her eyes. It was just an impulse. She wanted to see if that kind of thing would work on him.
“Yes, Kaname.” Sousuke walked over to the desk. Kaname began sweeping with more vigor, smiling. She squirreled her discovery away.
When Sousuke returned, he put the card on a desk top and unfolded the note. He handed it towards Kaname, his eyes looking down at her feet. She put her hand on his, squeezed it briefly, then pushed it away.
“No, Sousuke. I want to hear you read it. Please.” She didn’t bat her eyes that time. She wasn’t playing.
“Uh…”
“Is it something weird, Souske?” Kaname raised an eyebrow.
“Negative.”
“Something dangerous?” She kept a straight face.
“No.”
“Then it is not a problem.” She couldn’t help but smile.
Kaname was glad she hadn’t blinked or looked away. She would have missed it. Ever so briefly, Sousuke smiled. His eyes lit up---not much, but for him it was amazing. He stiffened immediately thereafter, assailed by some thought. He looked worried. Kaname began to worry some herself.
Had he arranged to go away?
Forever?
Her heart began pounding again. Her vision blurred for just a moment. She let go of the broom, but caught it before it hit the ground.
Sousuke read the note: “‘Kaname. Thank you for the invitation. I will not burden you with my answer. Whether or not you hate me, I will continue to do my best to protect you. If you wish a replacement bodyguard, I will champion your cause. My apologies for being deficient. I do not wish to be a problem. Sousuke Sagara. Student, Jindai High School’”
When he finished, Sousuke looked at Kaname intensely. If she didn’t want him there any more, he wanted to know the truth. He did not want to torture her any more. Her least of all.
Tears came to Kaname’s eyes. She couldn’t help it. Hearing his voice as he spoke did more than reading the note ever could. At least the first time. She was going to keep that note! But, there had been something in his voice. She had never heard him sound exactly like that before. Just how much did he care about her? She wanted to know, but she didn’t want to know.
Again, they were both at a loss for words. There heads were filled with too many thoughts and their hearts were unable to overrule their heads.
“Kaname….”
“Sousuke….”
Despite their uncertainty. They both smiled at that. That made two times Sousuke’s had smiled. Kaname felt like a kid in a candy store.
Kaname instinctively knew she would have to take the lead in this.
“Sousuke Sagara, student at Jindai High School, you are the only one I want protecting me! Do you understand that? Should I use the broom to pound that into your otaku head?” Kaname winked.
“No.” Sousuke looked s if a heavy weight had just been removed from his shoulders.
“You are not a problem Sousuke…. well, you are but that’s OK.” Kaname was compelled to tell the truth. “And, you are not deficient…. you are just different…. and it’s alright to be different. Most of the time!” She smiled.
“I see.” Sousuke nodded.
“But….” Kaname paused for dramatic effect. She walked over to Sousuke and stood nose to nose. “But, I will get on the phone…. call Mithril…. and have them take you away for ever… if you fail to do one thing.” Her look was serious.
Sousuke gulped. “What?”
“There is something you need to do. Figure it out yourself! If you don’t….” Kaname pulled up a chair and sat down.
“You are beautiful….” Sousuke would try that first. It was the correct answer the last time Kaname had challenged him, dressed in that kimono.
“Thank you. Wrong answer.”
“Uh….”
“Is that your final answer?” Kaname glared. It was all show. This was fun.
“NO!!! I apologize….”
“For what? Idiot!”
“I will not write you any more notes….”
“WHAT?!!! Big jerk. You better!” Kaname had stood up. Sheepishly she sat back down again.
“I will not make a request to be added to next week’s mission.”
“Huh? Mission? You better not be going on any mission, moron!” Kaname was standing again. It was her turn to swallow hard again. He really had been considering going away for a while. Not because he was just a soldier… but because he had a heart after all.
Sousuke’s eye caught sight of the card. He knew what Kaname wanted. It was his time to take control. It might be the last chance he had to make such a claim. He didn’t know what he was getting himself into. There was only one way to find out.
He walked over to a desk, pulled up a chair, and sat down. He picked up the card and smelled it. He put it back down again. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kaname lean forward, hands gripping the sides of her desk.
“It is getting late, Kaname. I should finish up. Can we continue this conversation tomorrow?”
“NO!!!” Kaname held onto the sides of the desk. As she began to stand, the desk went with her. It fell to the floor with a loud noise.
“I see.” Sousuke began to rub his chin, twirling the card around on top of his desk with one finger. Just as he saw Kaname open her mouth, he picked up the card again. He opened it, and made as if he were reading it. He didn’t have to. The words were emblazoned across his mind, blinking like a neon light.
His body aching from where Kaname struck him with the broom, Sousuke leaned back in his hair. He closed his eyes. Paybacks are Hell.
“Sousuke!”
Sousuke opened his eyes, then stood up. He walked over to where Kaname sat. She looked up at him, her eyes glistening.
“Do you wish to know my answer, Kaname?”
“Yes!” Kaname cursed herself for sounding so desperate.
“Exactly….” Sousuke said.
Kaname smiled. Sousuke meant ‘Yes.’ But, wait a minute. That damn otaku. He didn’t actually say ‘Yes.’ He OWED her a ‘Yes!’
“Is that the answer you wanted to give me, Sousuke?” Kaname’s eyes flashed. She stood up slowly.
“Exactly….” Sousuke said again.
“GRRRRRR…. Sousuke, if you couldn’t say ‘exactly,’ what would you say?” Kaname growled. That big idiot better know that she was not playing around. She wanted that ‘Yes.’
“Precisely….” He deserved some kind of medal for keeping a straight face. It was a challenging task in the face of great danger.
“AHHHHH….”
“Yes.” The word brought Kaname up short.
Kaname felt as if she were about to burst and fly about in every possible direction. She walked over to Sousuke and kicked him in the knee. “That’s for making me wait!” She followed that up with a quick kiss on the cheek. “That’s for getting the right answer!”
“Kaname….” Sousuke put his hand to his cheek.
The girl in question picked up the broom and tossed it to Sousuke.
“Kaname?”
“You have work to do. I’m going home. Later!” She sped out of the room. She was excited and relieved at the same time. She had gotten what she wanted. And, she was not about to stay in that room a minute longer---who knows what that otaku might say to spoil that memory!
The big idiot!
“But just maybe he’s MY big idiot.”
Kaname ran all of the way home.
)