FullMetal*Panic!

Sousuke walked back along the sidewalk. It seemed to stretch forever in front of him, as if he found himself trapped on a giant Moebius strip.

With every step he took, his heart grew heavier and his wounds hurt all the more. There was no missing the fact that Tessa would like to have him see her the way he saw Kaname. But, he also knew that she put her responsibility first, every day. It couldn't be easy being the Captain of that submersible, even with Mardukas and Kalinin by her side.

She had made her arguments based on truth and logic, no matter how well they might end up serving her.

No matter how far he walked, he couldn't leave those truths behind.

As he stepped onto the front walk of Shunya's house, he saw a small orange glow near the front door. It was not the button for the doorbell. There was a scent of fine tobacco on the air. A shadowy figure moved.

"You weren't the only one needing a breath of fresh air, Sousuke." It was Shunya, puffing away on a Cuban. "Cigar?"

"No thank you, Sir." Sousuke cursed his weakness. His voice had sounded dejected and discouraged.

"Did they turn the screws tight?" Shunya could guess what the Mithril members might have been discussing. "They trying to put you some place more useful? Kaname not as important to them as the whole world?" Not that long ago, he would have paid for the young man to be assigned elsewhere. Now, he was of a different mind. "If I talk to the right people...."

"I appreciate your offer, Sir. You are correct, but there is nothing you could do. Besides, the decision rests on me. That makes it more difficult." Sousuke scratched his head. "Sir, could I try a cigar after all?" It was not a habit Sousuke was in favor of. But, like a glass of alcohol on occasion, a small vice couldn't do much harm.

"Certainly." Shunya took out an elaborate cigar cutter, snipped off an end, then lit Sousuke's cigar. "Here."

Sousuke took a puff. He started coughing. Shunya chuckled. "Some things take some time getting used to." Shunya's voice was warm and open. "Including people."

"Yes, Sir." Sousuke tried again. He did better that time.

"If you want to talk, I'll listen. No sense rushing a good smoke, right?" Shunya sat down on the steps of the front porch. Sousuke sat next to him.

Sousuke ran through his discussion with Tessa and Cmdr. Mardukas, finishing with his in depth analysis of the choices available to him. He finished with a long shuddering sigh.

"You're a fan of Mythology?" Shunya knocked the ashes off of his cigar.

"Yes."

"You know the story of Atlas?"

"Affirmative. The giant Atlas was the leader of the Titans who fought against the gods of the Mount Olympus. Zeus was fighting against his father, the Titan Chronos to gain control of the world. After a ten year struggle Zeus defeated his father and imposed severe punishments on the Titans. Atlas, as the Titans' leader, received the exemplary punishment of carrying the vault of the sky on his shoulders." Sousuke took a long pull on his cigar, coughing again.

"There are a number of different tales about him, aren't there?" Shunya noted.

"Yes, Sir.

"He was the father of the Hesperides, who were born from a liaison between Atlas with Hesperis. The Hesperides were the guardians of a tree of golden apples that the earth goddess Gaea gave Hera as a wedding present. The tree had a secret location. Nevertheless, Atlas was told by an oracle that a son of Zeus would one day steal the golden apples guarded by his daughters. For this reason, he refused hospitality to anyone. Because of that inhospitality, Perseus showed him the Gorgon Medusa's head, which turned the mighty Titan to stone. This myth was considered the origin of the formation of the Atlas mountains in Morocco." Sousuke was feeling a little better. Simply because he wasn't obsessing over his decision incessantly.

"That's correct. And the more famous tale?" Shunya was fond of Mythology and classical literature.

"Heracles was ordered to fetch the golden apples as one of his twelve labors. He persuaded Atlas to take them on his behalf, while Heracles would support the sky instead of him. Atlas accepted thinking to leave Heracles supporting the heavens forever. When he returned with the apples, Atlas told Heracles that he himself would deliver the apples to the king Eurystheus. However, pretending to adjust the weight on his shoulders, Heracles tricked Atlas, saying needed a cushion for his shoulder, and he wondered if Atlas would mind taking back the pillar just long enough for him to fetch one. The Titan graciously obliged, and Heracles strolled off, omitting to return." Sousuke sat quietly after that, feeling the weight of the world on his young shoulders.

"Very good. Neither story had a particularly rosy outcome for Atlas, did they?" Shunya breathed out a large cloud of smoke.

"No, Sir."

"You're feeling a bit like Atlas right now, aren't you? You have eight million reasons why you should keep supporting that pillar?" Shunya ground out his cigar. "Could I interest you in a small sifter of Port or Cognac?"

Sousuke felt close to tears for a brief moment. Why? He wasn't certain. That was not the way a Specialist should feel, was it? He straightened his shoulders. Ridiculous! "Yes, Sir. That would be most kind."

"Wait here." When Shunya returned, he brought the bottles with him, clanging together as he walked.

"Lot of girl talk going on in there," he said. "It's safer out here."

"Affirmative." Sousuke said with great conviction.

"Seems to me that the first tale you mentioned should caution against certainty. Atlas knew what would happen. He based his actions on that certainty. I doubt he enjoyed becoming the backbone of a ski resort." Shunya took in the bouquet of his Cognac.

"Yes, Sir." Sousuke coughed. The port was strong for a part-time drinker.

"And, when one takes the world upon his shoulders, it's often hard to ever shed that burden." He sipped, then sighed contentedly.

"I understand, Sir."

"Furthermore, one needs to think hard about making such drastic changes. An act of kindness... or stupidity... can have drastic results." Shunya stared up at the moon, watching as the clouds began to drift in front of it.

"Yes." Sousuke was grateful for Shunya's kindness. The older man's words made sense.

"I would also suggest you think about the topic of self-sacrifice. That's something the people of New York are quite familiar with. The important thing is to realize what is a selfless act of bravery and compassion, and what is a needless sacrifice."

"I will do so, Sir. It will not be easy."

"How many things are?" Shunya laughed. His voice then became very serious. "When Kaname's mother died, I was devastated. I will never entirely be over that loss." He took another long sip of Cognac. "At one point, I had to ask myself whether or not a wanted a life any more. It would have been easy to give in and just drag my way through the rest of my days."

Shunya was quiet for a moment. Sousuke finished off his drink.

"More?"

"Yes, Sir?"

Kaname's father poured more port into Sousuke's glass. "It wasn't easy, but I chose to put myself first in some ways, even though Ayame and Kaname needed me just as much. If I hadn't done that, I never would have met Oichi. And, I couldn't have done as good a job of caring for my daughters."

"I see. It must have been doubly hard to have Kaname remain behind in Tokyo."

"Yes. Or as you say, affirmative." Shunya knocked his glass against Sousuke's. The young man was quiet and impulsive, but he had a sharp mind. He also seemed to have a good heart, though he often seemed to doubt himself there.

"You did that because it was the best thing for her, not you. It has paid good dividends. She has become quite admirable, someone that other students look up to, even though some find it hard to get close to her." Sousuke took a large swallow, feeling a slight warmth in his stomach. "But, it was hard for Ayame. It was not what was best for her."

"Exactly," Shunya said with a rush of breath, impressed once more. "In military and medical terms, I had to triage. Kaname's need took precedence, because she was the eldest and the one who entered the crucible first. Ayame's problems... and the tasks that she needed to accomplish at the time... were lesser in scale." Shunya stood up.

"And for me, Sir?" Sousuke wanted to hear Shunya's thought.

"If you kill yourself, son... who can you help after that? If you find yourself loosing interest in life... how will that affect your determination to help others? Do you want me to tell you what you should do?" Shunya handed a bottle for Sousuke to carry back inside the house.

"No, Sir. I do not wish to seem rude or ungrateful, but I must determine that for myself."

"Very good. That's the best start you could hope for. My suggestion? Take your time and be fair to yourself. And remember, the order someone chooses to do things in may make a difference... with some choices, you still have a chance to change your mind and go back to what you had... with others, you may try to go back, but find out that the opportunity is gone."

The first thing Sousuke thought of was Kaname.

How long would she wait for him?

If he went somewhere else, would there be any way for her to go with him?

So many questions.

Until he found his answer, it would still feel like he had a tremendous weight to bear.

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Once Kumi and Izumi shed their vamp routines, they turned out to be very pleasant company. Izumi in particular had a fair number of experiences with boys--good ones, and bad ones. Kumi had the single best advice, even though she was far less worldly than her cousin: if you fall off your horse, get back on. That meant weathering the storm in any relationship worth keeping, or getting the courage to look for love again after a relationship fell through.

Oichi had her own thoughts to share. She spoke about older Japanese traditions... newer ways of life... and the importance of being true to oneself. She also told Kaname to fight what she believed in, and to give whatever she wanted her best shot. Love didn't always last forever, but regret can seem to go on endlessly.

After a while, Kaname excused herself. She was getting more and more concerned about Sousuke. What was taking so long? There was no way that he would simply leave with his commanding officers without at least getting word back to her.

Was there?

Standing alone in her darkened room, she pictured a life size image of Tessa. How she wished she could just wrap her hands around her neck and squeeze! Knowing how Sousuke thought of Tessa as his commander, Kaname realized that Izumi and Kumi were greater threats, and she didn't really view them as serious competition in the least.

There was a major difference, though.

Tessa had the power... the professional need... and even the personal desire to take him away from her in a real sense. If he chose to follow through on his orders, that is.

In the faint light that slanted in the window from the nearest street lamp, Kaname looked at her mother's picture. She picked it up, walked over to the chair she knew would be there, then sat down.

"What's going to happen, Mother? Do you know?" Kaname sighed. Oichi was a wonderful woman, but she wasn't her mother. She would give anything to have her mother with her now.

Anything except Sousuke.

"What should I do? If Sousuke leaves Mithril because of me, what would happen the next time? What if he had left Mithril before coming here? What if they didn't send Arbalest?"

Naturally, her mother didn't answer. Likewise, Kaname had no idea what her mother might have done if she faced a similar choice in her youth.

"But, if he's undecided, and I let Tessa influence his decision, what happens then? How can I hope to ever find someone like him again? Shouldn't I fight for his happiness too? Maybe he doesn't know how to do that for himself. Who else would look out for him?"

Melissa Mao. Kurz Weber. Maybe even Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin.

Hopefully they would all wish for his best, though none of them would want to see him leave the SRT. Each of them would give their life for Sousuke, she had no doubt of that.

Would she do the same? It didn't simply mean stepping in front of a bullet meant for him. It could also mean giving up a life she dreamed about and wished for with every fiber of her being. Would she do that if it was best for Sousuke?

Yes. If it was best.

But, how could she tell what was best for him? When he was little more than a wild animal, Mithril had taken him in and turned his life around. Of course, they did it for a reason, and were handsomely rewarded for their efforts.

Still, hadn't it been the same with her? When she met him, he was little more than a military automaton. Look at him now! He had benefited from that, and she too had her reward. For now.

Would Sousuke be willing to make a similar sacrifice for her?

He would die for her in a heart beat. But, would he walk away from the only life he really knew for her? Would it be fair to ask him too? Mithril could use all of the top notch soldiers that came its way, as long as there were causes to champion and battles to fight. She couldn't truthfully offer him any guarantee that she would love him forever.

How could she, and still be honest?

"But, if he walked away from Mithril, he could always go back some day. Right, Mother?" She followed that thought even further. How would it benefit Mithril to chance him away entirely? Wouldn't it be better to have Sousuke some of the time, than to not have him at all?

Maybe not.

Kaname tried to think of herself as Mithril. Being a sports fan, she knew what happened when a popular and high-paid player started throwing his weight around, becoming bigger than the team itself. If they gave into the demands of one soldier, what signal would that send to the others?

There was no way she could sort through this tonight, in the few minutes she could steal to herself. Every time she though she had a firm grip on some thought, things became even more convoluted. It was like inching her way along the bough of a tree. Just when she might think she knew the shape of the tree, the bough would give off numerous branches. She might follow those one by one, hoping to come to a simple understanding. But, each branch would give rise to countless twigs.

She sat for a few minutes more, just trying to empty her mind as best she could. She put her mother's picture back.

"I have a lot of good friends now, Mother. I think you would like them all. But, even with all them, I'm so lonely. I never realized that until Sousuke. I don't want to lose him." For a moment, she irrationally thought of Izumi and Kumi again, not to mention Tessa.

She heard the front door open. Could that be Sousuke? If it was, she wanted to get there before everyone else did.

Not caring a whit about dignity, she ran to the front door.

It was Sousuke!

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"Sousuke, I've missed you so much!" Kaname walked over to give him a hug, not caring if anyone watched or not. When she stopped in front of him, she sniffed. He smelled of smoke and alcohol. She wrinkled up her nose and began to scowl.

"Kaname?"

"Sousuke Sagara, where have you been? I was worried sick about you! You didn't go with Tessa to a bar or a club, did you?" She started tapping her foot, her hands resting on her hips. Her words brought her up short.

She almost sounded like a suspicious housewife in an old sitcom.

"We---" Sousuke didn't have a chance to get his words out. The question caught him by surprise. Kaname misinterpreted the look. So did someone else.

"A bar?" Mr. Smith walked up, wiping his finger around the near empty pan of a sweet potato pie. "Good for you! That little cutie might not have been my first pick of the litter, but if it feels good, it's right!"

"I---" Sousuke felt like he was surrounded on four or more fronts.

"Sousuke went to a bar? With her?" Ayame looked hurt. The look she gave Sousuke was well beyond disapproval.

"If he did, he'll---" Kaname lifted one arm, hand forming a tight fist.

"What's that I heard about Sousuke and a bar? I should have thought of that one." Izumi smiled at Sousuke. "I know a number of nice bars, Sousuke. My hotel room has a wet bar, too." She looked over at Kaname. "Sometimes it's the small less attractive girls you need to worry about."

"We spent our time---" Sousuke seriously wished he had a concussion grenade. He might be able to get a word or two in that way.

"You had protection, I hope." Mr. Smith looked serious. "When you sleep with a girl, you sleep with everyone she's been with."

"Oh my...." Kumi blushed, just walking up. "How could you, when Kaname was waiting here for you...."

"Sousuke...." Kaname began to look angry. She was just reacting spntaneously. She had not taken time to simply think things through.

"Cmdr. Mardukas was there. We---" Sousuke was beginning to feel like a cornered animal.

"Oh. Wouldn't have figured him as the type who liked to watch. Kinky." Izumi looked at Sousuke and winked. "Put on a good show for him?"

Ayame kicked Sousuke in the ankle, hard.

"What's the fuss all about?" Stacy walked up, just having freshened up in the restroom.

"Boy's a stud," Mr. Smith said. "Took that little bit of fluff out for a test drive." He saluted Sousuke. "Next time, make sure your girlfriend doesn't hear about it!"

Things were getting out of control. The young sergeant decided that it was time to do things HIS way. Handing the bottle of Port to Stacy, he reached down and unzipped his weapons bag. He took out a pistol, checked the chamber, then slammed in a clip of rubber bullets.

"The next one who interrupts me will not do it a second time." The look on his face suggested he was not joking.

He looked at Kaname. "No bar."

Next, he turned to Ayame. "That hurt."

Frowning, he spoke to Mr. Smith. "We talked."

Izumi was next on his list. "Kaname has nothing to worry about."

He had nothing to say to Kumi. She sighed.

Oichi walked up, and took stock of the situation. "Did you detect some kind of danger, Sousuke? Or, was there some kind of misunderstanding?" She looked around at the crowd, noticing the expressions on their faces. She had her answer.

Sousuke tossed his gun into the bag.

"I went with Captain Testarossa and Commander Mardukas to discuss business matters. When I returned, Mr. Chidori was kind enough to sit and talk with me, offering me a cigar and some fine liquor, mam."

Sousuke looked tight. His jaw was set. He had called Oichi 'mam,' instead of 'Oichi.' Her eyes softened, realizing that. Something was bothering him.

Everyone was quick to jump to conclusions?" The tone in Oichi's voice was knowing.

"Yes. Everyone." Sousuke turned aside when Kaname took a half step forward. "Except Stacy."

Stacy curtsied.

Kaname froze. She had gotten caught up in the frenzy. Sousuke....

"Hmmm? Ah well. The boy is probably still a stud." Mr. Smith handed Kumi the pan and headed back into the kitchen.

"We should gather our things up, Kumi." Izumi flinched, seeing the look in Oichi's eyes. Kumi meant to hand the pan to Ayame.

Ayame was nowhere to be seen.

Stacy walked over to Sousuke and whispered something into his ear before going to retrieve her coat and purse. Sousuke nodded.

Shunya walked in the front door, bottle of Cognac in one hand and two sifters in the other. "Oichi, is there something wrong?" He knew that look. He had learned about it the hard way.

"Izumi and Kumi can drive back to their hotel by themselves. Would you be so kind to give me a lift to my place? Mr. Smith probably has things he needs to take care of at home. I'm certain that Kaname and Ayame will be safe with Sousuke here. He's a very trustworthy young man." Oichi looked at Kaname when she said those last words.

Shunya had been watching Oichi and Kaname carefully. He nodded his head. "I'm at your command, dear. That is, if you can trust yourself alone with me."

Ayame peaked timidly around a corner.

"You stay out of their way, Ayame." Shunaya gave his youngest daughter a look she knew meant business.

Oichi smiled at her fiance. "You're worth keeping, I think." She took his hand. "Be sure to let me know, if I ever seem to forget that."

"Everybody makes mistakes, dear." Shunya said. "Except you."

Oichi looked at Sousuke. "Are you taking notes?"

"There will be a test?" Sousuke's clueless tone of voice had Shunya chuckling.

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Sousuke sighed.

He should be used to misunderstandings by now.

Still, he had reason to wonder: did Kaname trust him?

It wasn't an inconsequential question. If he somehow managed to convince his superiors to allow him to continue walking the shadowy realm between being only a soldier and only a student, would her feelings for him change if he had to be gone for lengthy periods of time?

He did not understand possessiveness. What was the point? If something belonged to you, there was no reason to worry. If it did not belong to you, all the worrying in the world would not make a difference. Besides, who would want him?

Tessa. That was a major problem in itself. Tonight was evidence enough of that. He certainly didn't need more than one issue of that magnitude.

"I'm sorry, Sousuke." Kaname sounded contrite. "That got a bit out of hand, and you're tired."

Staring deeply into her troubled eyes, he wondered if her reaction came about because she was emotionally spent herself. Kaname had been very concerned that Mithril would try to take him away from her. That couldn't be an easy thing to deal with, especially since the recent battle had almost taken him away in a more drastic manner.

Still, her reaction towards other women differed dramatically when he was around.

"You were concerned about me?" Sousuke said, breaking the uneasy silence.

"Yes." Kaname's face answered before she did. "You were gone longer than I had thought you would be. I didn't realize you were outside talking with Daddy."

"He is a very wise man. A strong man. You should be proud of him, as well as grateful." Sousuke grimaced, feeling an ache in his shoulder area.

"I am," Kaname said. It may be that her father had begun to open up to Sousuke, finally seeing in him what she did. At that exact moment, though, she couldn't savor that possibility.

"You caught scent of the tobacco odor on my clothing and the alcohol on my breath, and concluded that I had spent the time in a bar?" Sousuke could see the logic behind it.

"Yes. I wasn't certain. I just wanted to know...." Kaname ran down.

"I do not understand why it would be bad if Captain Testarossa and Cmdr, Mardukas had wished to speak to me in such an establishment. Kurz and Melissa do that on occasion. It would appear that you may have had a specific concern." Sousuke wind-milled his arm carefully, trying to loosen things up. His shoulder had stiffened up some.

"I... I wasn't really...... yes...." Kaname knew how foolish she had been. She was always jumping to conclusions or worrying about the worst. It wasn't as if the hardships in her life weren't reason enough to develop such tendencies, but she could imagine how it must seem from someone else's perspective.

"Tessa." Sousuke saw Kaname blush and lower her eyes in embarrassment. "Even though you knew that the Commander was with us, and you had seen first hand how he treated me when he accompanied her to Tokyo."

"It wasn't what I feel deep in my heart, Sousuke." Kaname didn't know if Sousuke were hurt or merely annoyed.

"It was just a quick reaction. The girls had been talking about bad experiences with boys. Then, I had spent time worrying about...... losing you...." Kaname was worried even more now. Could her behavior now and henceforth somehow be a deciding factor in Sousuke's decision making process?

Something this innocent couldn't weight the scale against her, could it?

"I see. You were also caught up in the rush of assumptions and reactions of other people. While understandable, it is not advisable. I do not know enough about relationships to speak with any expertise. But, in battle, if a number of soldiers lose their composure, begin firing before they are ordered to, and either ruin the surprise or destroy the flow of a carefully orchestrated attack.... the results can be catastrophic." Sousuke wasn't certain why he was saying all this, but he felt compelled to make a point.

"Especially if they mistakenly fire on friendly troops...."

Kaname's hands fluttered for a moment. The way that Sousuke put it, she felt as if she had committed some horrendous error. Her insecurities had hamstrung her again. Did Sousuke see her in military terms?

No one could be THAT big of an otaku, right?

But what if he did... and he was beginning to see her as a poor squad mate....

"I'm sorry Sousuke," Kaname said, collecting her courage. "I hope you won't change the way you feel about me over a minor thing like this." It sounded like such an unreasonable fear when she put it into words. She straightened up her posture and looked him in the eyes. If Sousuke respected anything, he respected strength and honesty. Those were also the things that made him so appealing to her.

Sousuke saw Ayame peering around a corner, trying hard not to be seen. He shook his head. "I am very tired, Kaname. But, I can go a bit longer. Will you walk with me?" His voice was neutral, unrevealing.

"Yes," Kaname answered, feeling an immiscible swirling of hope and dread.

Sousuke asked Stacy for a favor.

She kindly agreed to watch after Ayame, more than happy to borrow the F2000.

Alone on the lamp lit street, Kaname and Sousuke walked for a while silently, each lost in his or her own thoughts.

"Kaname, I know I'm not like other boys." Sousuke sounded somewhat wistful, not a mood she often saw him in.

"That's OK, Sousuke. You're special. There's nothing wrong with that." Kaname wondered just what was on Sousuke's mind. Had her reaction bothered him, or was this about whatever Tessa and Mardukas had to say?

Did they somehow tie together?

"So you have told me on occasion, once you found you were fond of me. Before that, my differences affected you in a much different way." He didn't pull away when she took hold of his hand. He squeezed her fingers.

"But that was before I got to know you, Sousuke. That was before we shared the things we did. I hope you know how I feel about you now!" Kaname was certain he must.

"I believe I do. But, I do not understand it." Sousuke stopped Kaname under a streetlight and looked in her eyes. "Because I have nothing to compare it to, I do not know how much faith to put in it. Just, as when I saw your reaction, I could not tell how much trust you had in me."

"But Sousuke, I...." Kaname stopped when Sousuke put his finger on her lips.

"Please, Kaname. I do not see how I may have ever done anything to make you question me on that particular matter. While I do indeed see things about other women that cause unconscious reactions...." Sousuke couldn't help but think of Izumi at that moment. "....I have never wanted to be close to any woman but you."

Kaname's heart felt as if it were going to burst. "Sousuke, I don't want anyone but you, either. I just...I have lost so many things that were important to me...."

"I understand. May I tell you a story. I must warn you, it will be otaku.

"OK, Sousuke." Kaname was uneasy. Sousuke thinking of things in military terms could work to her benefit or detriment. There was no manual for romantic relationships. If he got the right idea and fixated on it, she would be ecstatic. On the other hand, if he locked onto something entirely wrong and blew it out of proportion....

What was the chance of him doing that?

She swallowed hard.

"When I was a young fighter amongst the mujahadeen, I came across my first AK-47. It was different than anything I had used before. At first, I was scared by it. Then, I was inconvenienced by its weight. I had to drag it behind me on the ground when I traveled long distances. When I first tried to use it, it was too much for me to handle. I shot things I shouldn't have. Nothing ever seemed to go right." Sousuke looked down at Kaname, to see if her eyes were getting glassy, or if she looked like she was becoming annoyed.

Her eyes were wide and bright. She made certain of that.

"I'm listening, Sousuke."

"There then came a stretch of time where the gun saved my life on a number of successive occasions. I began to worship that gun. I slept with it by my side. When I bathed, it was within reach. I spent long hours cleaning it. At times, I even spoke to it."

Kaname sighed. She could almost picture Sousuke as a kid. At first, the thought amused her. Then, however, she realized once again just what he had been through, and how his experiences had shaped him just as hers had molded her..

"I though I would treasure that gun forever. I couldn't imagine ever having a better weapon." Sousuke paused. "That gun never failed me. But, other fighters in the group had used them as well, and one died when his gun jammed during combat. When the older fighters spoke of other stories they had heard, I became afraid. I lost faith in that gun."

Once again, Sousuke's analogy had Kaname exasperated by its underlying nature, but impressed by the clarity and relevance. For a strange moment, she thought about school. As bright as he was, he should be getting better grades. When they both got back, it was time for her to take off the gloves and go bare knuckle.

That boy was going to live up to his potential!

"What happened to that gun, Sousuke?" Kaname's voice was soft. She had spotted the parallel.

"I left it behind. I took up a rifle instead. Eventually, I stopped having trouble using an AK-47 whenever one presented itself; but, I had found better weapons that I much preferred by that time." Sousuke reached out and pushed a lock of Kaname's hair away from her face.

"Oh." Kaname was somewhat taken aback. "Are you worried that I may lose my faith in you, Sousuke? Because of what other people told me?" Kaname swallowed hard. She could see how he might view things that way. This had not been the first time that she had let her insecurities direct her actions.

She had never concerned herself with Sousuke's perspective.

Sousuke rubbed his hand through his hair. "If I was by great need taken away from you for any length of time, I do not know what you actions would be."

Kaname stood quietly for a moment, watching a low flying passenger jet pass overhead, its lights blinking on and off in the sable sky. Her thoughts brought her back to earth.

"You're worried I might want to look for another boyfriend?" Kaname frowned.

"No. That would injure me, but I would eventually want what was best for you." Sousuke was being completely honest. Kaname's eyes watered.

Big noble idiot!

"You're concerned that I might begin to care less for you if you went away, because I would be jealous and suspicious?" At first Kaname wanted to be miffed, wondering just what Sousuke thought of her. But, she realized that a lot of her actions in the past could serve as a handy barometer. Just because the weather looked clear and sunny to her, that didn't mean that someone else didn't worry about rain.

She fought down her self-righteous thoughts. "You worry that I might no longer need you, or might learn to depend on something or someone else?"

"I have many issues to consider, Kaname. I could probably learn to accept losing you for any reason that was in your best interest. But, it would do me grievous harm to lose you through a mistake or misunderstanding.... or because I made a misinformed decision."

"That would cause me grievous harm too, Sousuke." Kaname wanted to reassure him about that.

Big concerned jerk!

"Yes. And..." Sousuke looked like a high school boy confused by his feelings, not a battle-hardened soldier ready for anything. "It is an impractical issue... selfish...."

"It's OK, Sousuke. Take your time." Kaname relished that look. She valued Sousuke most for the humanity within him, not because he was an unconquerable force on the battlefield.

"I think back to that gun, Kaname. My apologies if it is foolish. I need to know if I am treasured only because I am new and exciting. What will happen when I am neither of those? If instead I am held dear because I am instrumental in saving your life, what will happen when you are no longer threatened?" Sousuke let out a long sigh.

Kaname smiled.

"Kaname? My confusion makes you happy? Does my uncertainty serve you well in some fashion?" Sousuke remembered something that Kurz had said, about women liking to keep men guessing.

"Yes, Sousuke." Kaname stepped up and wrapped her arms around Sousuke. She looked up at him.

"You like to keep me guessing? Is there a sensible purpose behind such a thing?" Sousuke's expression almost had Kaname breaking out into laughter. That was the young man who had saved New York City and Northeastern New Jersey?

"Sousuke, certain women do not like to be taken for granted, or simply do not want to become predictable. For some people, predictable means boring." Kaname pressed closer to him. "Not for me. I like you just the way you are." She pushed herself back some and cleared her throat. "What I meant to say, you big melancholy moron, is that I have a lot of questions too. If a big strong hero doubts himself, maybe it's OK that I do...."

Sousuke let that all sink in. He had learned so much about Kaname. It was amazing that there was so much more to learn. How did normal people handle the enormity of someone else's feeling?

He had trouble enough understanding his own.

"You should not doubt yourself. There is no reason for that. Not for you." Sousuke looked fierce. "You, least of all people."

Kaname felt like she was truly worth something at that moment.

She wished that feeling would never end.

"Really? Why? We've talked about my past, Sousuke. You know how I felt abandoned by my mother, even though she never wanted to die. I've shared how I felt about being left behind in Tokyo, even though my father did that for my benefit. The way I was treated in Junior High...." Kaname had come to terms with those things consciously. She had no doubt, however, that she would be influenced by those events for a long time, if not for the rest of her life.

"And if I were to go away for a while, you would be worried that I would not come back? After I told you I would always come back?" Sousuke frowned. Did Kaname doubt the word of a Specialist?

"Yes. It feels so good and so right being around you, that I worry something will take you away from me. It's silly, I know. But, I can't help myself. And...." Kaname looked down at her shoes.

"Kaname?"

"You must have noticed how Izumi, Kumi, and Ayame were acting around you." Kaname opened and closed her hands.

"Affirmative. They were very friendly. I believe they went further than necessary to make me feel at home with your family." Sousuke swallowed hard, remembering Izumi's idea of friendly. "Uh...."

"Sousuke! Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby? On a land mine????" Kaname stamped her foot. "Honestly!!!"

"I do not believe so, Kaname. I would not have weighed enough to detonate an anti-tank mine. You must realize that an anti-personnel mine would have killed me, regardless of what part of my body triggered it."

"Ooooooooooh.... BAKA!!!" Kaname grabbed hold of Sousuke's jacket and shook him. "Ayame has a giant crush on you. Kumi wishes she could have you as a boyfriend. And Izumi...." Kaname looked around the street, wanting to see if anyone was nearby. Just to be sure, she whispered in Sousuke's ear.

Sousuke went stiff. He began to sweat.

"Exactly. If you wanted to, you could have your choice of girls, Sousuke." Kaname tried to sound nonchalant.

She failed.

"I already have, Kaname." Sousuke said with no hesitation.

Kaname felt weak in the knees. Sousuke obviously believed what he said. He had already told her a number of times in the past that he loved her; but, given the circumstance, those four words moved her more than anything else ever had. She had put her greatest fear out in the open. He was telling her that she had no reason to be afraid.

That big stupid head!

"Kaname, are you well? You look unsteady." Sousuke sounded concerned.

"Sousuke.... help me over to that bench there.... please...." Kaname's voice fluttered like an injured bird.

"Affirmative!" Sousuke put his arm around Kaname's waist and shepherded her to the bench, sitting down next to her.

"Sousuke...." Kaname sounded very quiet.

"Yes, Kaname?"

"We really are a pair of choice fools...... do you know that?" There was a light-hearted lilt in her voice.

"How...."

Kaname reached up, wrapped her arms around Sousuke's neck, and pulled him down into a passionate kiss. When she let him up, he gasped for air.

"Better breathe while you can, soldier." Kaname situated herself on the bench as comfortably as possible.

"Why...." Sousuke was surprised by the vigor in Kaname's words.

"We have some questions that need answering. Time to get to work." She pulled him into another kiss.

It would be some time before they made it back home.