[FIC] Endings and Beginnings (part 8)
Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2005 11:41 pm
The clock seemed to be moving so slowly.
Kaname stopped typing. She sighed, looking out the window. It was difficult transcribing a document meant to save lives, when her own seemed hopeless.
She knew she wasn’t being fair, or even logical. But, that didn’t matter. The advice that her father’s friends had for her had been heartfelt and wise, but it didn’t make her feel any better. That would take time, and time was her enemy at the moment. Time was ticking away. Someone had turned the hourglass over, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
“Sousuke….”
Closing her eyes, she tried to slow down her heart rate. She willed herself to breath more easily. Just the same, she had to rewind the dictation and play the last sentence all over again. This was her job. She had to focus. There was no time to worry about dinner last week, or wonder if Sousuke might show up at lunch time today.
“Japan has been in the forefront of sound practices in minimizing the destructive impacts of disasters, with a comprehensive system of preparedness and response in place at the national, prefectural and local levels, and with responsibilities mapped to respond to disaster situations.” She spoke the words under her breath as she typed. She scowled. But, it was her job to type, not be critical of the words chosen. “This UNEP study on the recent Tokage Typhoon , number twenty-three of 2004, is the first in a series of publications that helps demonstrate the preparedness measures in place in Japan, and provide valuable lessons for mitigation and management in other countries facing similar disasters.”
Kaname stopped again. She looked up at the clock. It still wasn’t noon. She had to get a grip. It had been a number of days since she had seen Sousuke, much less heard from him. Neither he nor her father would tell her what they had spoken about after the other guests had gone home. All she knew was that her father was acting as if it were not in her best interest to see Sousuke any more. At least he hadn’t ordered her to stay away from him.
He was still in Tokyo. She was pretty sure of that, since the telephone call from him had some from his apartment, unless Mithril had some technology that messed with caller I.D. She had been busy taking care of her affairs in Japan, and with shopping for things she wanted to bring with her to America. Most of her shopping for college would take place overseas. She had no idea what Sousuke had been up to.
“The impacts of disasters, whether natural or man-made, not only have human dimensions, but environmental ones as well. Environmental conditions may exacerbate the impact of a disaster, and vice versa, disasters tend to have an effect on the environment.” Kaname paused the dictation. Thinking about natural disasters made her think about Sousuke. And thinking about Sousuke were making her attempts at typing a disaster. “Big idiot! He’s not even around, and he’s causing me trouble. Back to work, Kaname. Deforestation, forest management practices, or agricultural systems can exacerbate the negative environmental impacts of a storm or typhoon, leading to landslides, flooding, and surface water contamination, as illustrated by the 2004 hurricane and storm tragedies in Haiti, and in the Philippines.” She sighed. “Sousuke in Arbalest can lead to landslides, flooding, and surface contamination too.”
She looked up at the clock again. That dinner the other night had turned into a natural disaster. But, to be fair, it wasn’t all Sousuke’s fault. Just the same, he had certainly left an impression on her father. But, all things considered, it may have been the subject matter that had caused the most damage.
It wasn’t as if she and Sousuke were groping around in the dark every night. Geez. They hadn’t even shared a romantic kiss! Her father really needed to lighten up. He was a teenager once too. Mrs. Tetsuya had told a number of stories from his youth, after all. But, she needed to be fair to him too. He didn’t want her to get hurt. Time was ticking away. The hourglass didn’t care whether or not Kaname Chidori ever got to see Sousuke Sagara again.
“We have only now come to understand these cyclical cause and impacts and realize that taking care of our natural resources and managing them wisely not only assures that future generations will be able to live in sustainable ways, but also reduces the risks that natural and man-made hazards pose to people living today.”
Kaname had to take her headset off. For a moment, she felt very claustrophobic. There was no guarantee that she would be able to live in sustainable ways, especially given the threat of man-made hazards in her life. She was still Whispered. Her father just couldn’t bring himself to see what that meant for him and Ayame, blinded as he was by his paternal confidence and his desire to have his family together again.
The threat from terrorist groups might not have been ended. Their attempts on her might well prove to be cyclical. Sousuke and Mithril were her biggest proponents, and now he would be gone from her life. There was no guarantee that the Atlantic branch of the organization would make her as high of a priority as the Pacific once had, if they chose to take on her case at all.
“Are you alright Kaname? You look a little pale?” Miyazawa Tachibana asked. She, like Kaname, was a summer temp.
“Ummm… yes… sure… I’m fine, thanks.” Bringing herself back into focus, she resumed her work after politely declining Miya’s offer of a blind date with her boyfriend’s boss. “Emphasizing and reinforcing the centrality of environmental concerns in disaster management has become a critical priority, as advocated by UNEP, requiring the sound management of natural resources as a tool to prevent disasters and lessen their impacts on people, their homes, and their livelihoods.”
“Are you talking to yourself, Kaname?”
Kaname pushed her chair back so fast, she banged her head painfully on a low set shelf behind her. For a moment, she saw stars. When the Milky Way was gone, she noticed Sousuke standing there. He had a number of paper bags.
“Sousuke!” Kaname stood up, kncoking one of the shelves off, spilling books and typing supplies onto the floor. “Ooooh….”
“Affirmative. It is all my fault.” Sousuke managed to keep a straight face. He had no doubt what Kaname’s first thoughts would be.
“Huh? You know, blaming oneself for someone else’s mistakes is not a good habit, stupid head. One might think that you have serious self-esteem issues.” Kaname shook her headset at him.
“I see.” Sousuke placed the bags on Kaname’s desk. He quickly picked them back up again when he saw the look that she gave him. He placed them on the floor instead.
“Sousuke… I… I was really hoping that you…” Kaname slowed down. She was sounding too eager. She needed to maintain an air of dignity, illusionary or not.
“Stop by and see you on your lunch hours?” Sousuke asked, betting that Kaname would instead say that she was glad that he brought her some food.
“No, you big conceited jerk!” Kaname tossed her hair, then quieted down when one of her co-workes looked around the corner of her cubicle. “I was hungry. You can leave the food and just leave, if you like. Hmmmpppfff!”
“If that is your wish.” Sousuke turned and walked from view. The sound of the stairwell door was plainly evident a few moments later.
“SOUSUKE!” Kaname shouted, and then put her hand over her mouth.
“Shhhhhh!” That admonishment came from at least half a dozen other typists.
“Kaname?” Souske peaked around the edge of her work space.
“You think you’re so smart, don’t you, mister!” Kaname couldn’t help but smile.
“No. Not at all. Someone whose opinion I value habitually calls me a moron… jerk… idiot… and stupid head.” Sousuke picked up a dictionary and began leafing through it.
“What are you doing, Sousuke?” Kaname couldn’t help herself. She sounded somewhat cross.
“I am attempting to improve my manner of thinking. I am checking to see if any of those words refer to someone of heightened intellectual ability.” Sousuke turned a number of pages. “Moron. A noun. A retarded person mentally equal to a child between eight and twelve years. Second definition, a very foolish or stupid person.”
Kaname frowned. Sousuke’s humor was getting more sophisticated. If this kept up, it might end up surpassing her own. “Alright Very funny.”
“Is it? You might not laugh if you were the moron.” Sousuke turned more pages. “Ah. Idiot. Also a noun. A retarded person mentally equal a child two years old. The second definition is familiar. A very foolish or stupid person. It says here to see Mental Retardation.”
“I don’t have to. I’m already looking at it.” Kaname’s scowl deepened.
“Here is a word that will interest you. I am surprised that you haven’t used it before. Perhaps you were too busy as Class Representative and Student Council Vice President to do suitable research. That is certainly understandable.” He leafed through the dictionary, finding the cross-referenced term. “Imbecile. Noun. A retarded person mentally equal to a child between three and eight years old. Second meaning, very foolish or stupid.”
“That’s enough, Sousuke. Don’t be more of a jerk than you have to.” Kaname began tapping her fingers against her computer keyboard.
“Jerk. There are more options this time, with noun and verb. A person regarded as disagreeable, contemptible, etc. especially as the result of foolish or mean behavior. As for the verb…” Sousuke blinked repeatedly when Kaname pulled the book away. “Kaname, you just jerked the book out of my hands.”
Kaname hung her head. Not because she was exasperated. The last thing she wanted was for Sousuke to see her smile.
“I will look away, Kaname, if you do not wish for me to see you grin.” Sousuke spoke in a flat voice.
“Sousuke, compared to you, all of those words refer to a person of heightened intellectual ability.” Kaname looked up at Sousuke. There were tears in her eyes. “Where am I going to find another jerk like you?”
“Do you wish to find another, Kaname?” Sousuke looked serious this time. “In the long run, I suppose it will make you happier to find someone as soon as possible.” He looked away, staring at an updated world map.
“Sousuke… I….”
“I apologize, Kaname. That is not a good subject, now. I had hoped to brighten your day by bringing lunch.”
Kaname merely nodded. She didn’t trust herself to speak at that moment. After taking a deep breath, she asked “What’s in the bags?”
“Fried Tridents from the Ohaio Shop. Soba noodles from the Soba Shop in front of the station.” Sousuke remembered Kaname mentioning those items as things she had wanted to eat before she die, back when they thought that the Full Monty Virus agent might be fatal.
“Oh…” Kaname put her hand over her mouth. Her eyes filled with tears. It took a moment, but she recognized the reference. The big idiot, imbecile, moron! How had he remembered that? And why did he seem determined to make her cry in front of her co-workers?
She froze. The memory had her remember other things as well. She was sitting naked behind a pair of bed curtains in the Nurse’s office at school. Sousuke had ordered her to take her clothes off. At the time, she hadn’t known why, but had done as he asked just the same.
Th-Thank you, Sousuke…” Kaname wiped away her tears and sniffed. “Would you like to eat outside? It’s more private, even if the view isn’t much.”
“That would be nice,” Sousuke said, leaving the bags on the floor. “First, would you be so kind as to inform me of the work that takes place in this Center?”
“OK. It might go over your head. But, it’s the least I can do. You bought lunch.” She offered Sousuke a chair, but as usual he remained standing. He also made certain to choose an angle that could not be seen by anyone outside of the building. Some things never change. The IETC's main role is to promote the application of Environmentally Sound Technologies or ESTs to address urban environmental problems, such as sewage, air pollution, solid waste and noise, and the management of freshwater resources to developing countries and countries with economies in transition. The Centre serves as a proactive inter-mediator for cooperation between sources and users of ESTs.”
“You memorized that?” Sousuke looked impressed. He raised one eyebrow when Kaname covered a typed blurb she had taped to her desk front.
“Of course.” Kaname smiled, she knew that Sousuke knew. By his look, he knew that she knew he knew. Whew. “They are very concerned about the management of freshwater basins, since lakes, reservoirs, and ground water are the planet's most important freshwater resources providing water for domestic, agricultural and industrial uses for much of the world's population.” She moved her coffee cup to cover over that second blurb, trying not to smile. “As a part of the Division of Technology, Industry and Economics, IETC is currently closely coordinating its activities with substantive offices of UNEP, mainly Division of Policy Development and Law and Division of Environmental Policy Implementation, INFOTERRA, and UNEP's regional offices. We are also implementing joint activities with the Sustainable Cities Program of UN-HABITAT, and working in close collaboration with the United Nations Development Program, the Commission on Sustainable Development, the International Labor Organization, the World Health Organization, the United Nations Industrial Development Organization, the United Nations Conference on Trade and Development , the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization, the Regional Economic Commissions and the United Nations organizations at large.”
“I see. Quite a mouthful. I presume that you also…” he pried away her hand and read the end of the third blurb. “…building partnerships and collaborative relationships with international and bilateral financial institutions, technical assistance organizations, the private and academic sectors, foundations and corporations to broaden our technical and financial base of IETC.”
Yes,” Kaname said. “You might be smarter than you look.” She stood up and threw herself on Sousuke, hugging him tightly. “Might.”
Sitting outside on a concrete wall overlooking the empty truck bays, Kaname gave him a true idea of what the Center did.
“I don’t see why that would matter to someone like you, you big stupid head. I hate to think how much environmental devastation you and that walking bucket of bolts have caused worldwide. When most people visit different countries, they take pictures, collect postcards, or buy souvenirs.” Kaname bit into her third Trident. That was after scolding Sousuke for bring too many.
“This is true,” Sousuke admitted.
“But, I guess that’s just like you, huh?” Kaname wiped her mouth on her napkin. “When most people visit a school, they don’t end up tackling teachers, blowing up lockers, killing and cooking koi… stuff like that…”
“That is also true,” Sousuke said, finishing up his bowl of noodles.
“And… most girls… most smart girls don’t end up…” Kaname looked up at Sousuke’s face. “Most smart girls don’t end up falling for guys like that….”
The two ended up kissing. To Kaname, she wanted to think of the moment as her first kiss, disregarding the kiss that Leonard had stolen from her after Sousuke had left for Hong Kong.
For Sousuke, it was his first real kiss. He had long since realized that CPR was not a form of kissing.
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“The kind of car you drive, where you drive and where you park it all influence your vulnerability to terrorist kidnapping or car bombing.”
Sousuke sat in the passenger’s seat of Kaname’s car. It was after hours at her place of work, and everyone by a small night crew had gone home. The Security guard gave Sousuke permission to drive around the large parking lot.
“Sheeesh, Sousuke. Are you sure we need to do this? I mean, you know what kind of car I have now. Daddy will probably get me something similar in America, if I need a car at all.” Kaname gave a wary eye to the light poles and garbage cans that were part of the lot. The last thing she needed to do was wreck her car. There would be no way to sell it then.
“Kaname, you are still Whispered. I will not be around to protect you. Your first goal should be to lower your profile as a terrorist target. Use a plain car that doesn't attract attention to yourself. Consider avoiding government cars that immediately identify you as associated with the U.N. or U.S. Government.” Sousuke was adamant. This was something he could do to look after Kaname, even when he was no longer around her.
“I don’t know. It sounds kind of stupid. I’m not going to be the victim of a random attack, you know. If they know my name, they can find my picture. Right?” Kaname didn’t want to seem too annoyed or ungrateful. After all, she wanted to spend as much pleasant time with Sousuke as possible.
Sousuke just kept on talking. “Terrorist acts against individuals, such as kidnappings or car bombings, usually occur outside the home and after the victim's habits have been established through surveillance over a period of time. Your most predictable habit that can be exploited by a terrorist is the route you travel between your home and place of schooling or commonly frequented local facilities. Vary these routes as much as possible.”
“There won’t be much chance of that in New York, Sousuke. The streets and traffic there might not let me do that kind of thing.” Kaname sighed. She was beginning to get that old ‘Sousuke needed to be tattooed with a halisen’ feeling again.
“You will not know that until you get there. You may also change your venue of education. If you have a schedule for the rest of your life, I will gladly go over it with you.“ Sousuke knew that Kaname would usually say ‘Hmmmpppfff’ after making that kind of statement. “Hmmmpppfff!“
“Please don’t do that, Sousuke.“ Kaname frowned. “You’re not very good at it.“
“I see. Then while you practice driving, I will practice annoyed utterances.“ Sousuke didn’t smile. He was not in the mood to be struck. “Although you may never be immune from terrorist attack, there are efforts that you can make that will reduce your chances of being kidnapped from your car, or decrease your risk of being a car bomb victim.”
“I should have recorded all this to play back for my father,” Kaname said. Her father might not believe her otherwise.
“That is a good idea. As a U.N. official, such skills might prove invaluable to him as well. But, seeing as I do not have a recording device, remember to tell him whatever you can.” He shook his head when Kaname slapped her forehead in frustration. “For example, one common method of kidnapping favored by terrorist organizations is to stop a victim's car as it is driving along a predictable route. That's why it is important to vary your route frequently.” Sousuke looked for sign of understanding in Kaname’s eyes. “Check occasionally to see if another car is following you. If you think you are being followed, circle the block or change directions several times to confirm the presence of surveillance. Make note of a description of the car and its occupants, if possible. It is okay to let the surveillants know you have seen them, but do not under any circumstances take any action that might provoke them or that could lead to confrontation.”
“You are close to provoking me to confrontation, stupid head!” Kaname stomped her foot. The car jerked. She had hit the accelerator.
Sousuke gave Kaname a long look that left her blushing. “If a suspected kidnapper does not stop following you, drive directly to the nearest safe haven, such as a military base, the nearest Embassy, or the local Police facilities. Continue to carry a cell phone at all times. Something else very important. You must learn to recognize and be alert to events that could signal the start of a plan to stop your car and take you captive. Such events include a cyclist falling in front of your car…a flagman or workman stopping your car…an unusual detour… a fake police check point… a road blocked by a disabled vehicle or accident victim…an accident in which your car is deliberately struck… cars or pedestrian traffic that box you in…any sudden activity or gunfire….”
“Alright already. Sousuke, you’re giving me a headache!” Kaname just barely kept from stomping her foot again.
Sousuke was not moved. He didn’t care how tired or bored Kaname might be. He went on to tell her that split second decisions were difficult to get right under adverse conditions, and that it would serve her well to rehearsing in your mind, in advance, how you will react under various possible circumstances. The options might be limited. One can sound the horn to draw attention to your car, ensuring that there will be witnesses to observe and report what happened. Drivers can make a quick U- turn and try to escape. If someone needs need to jump the curb, he or she should hit it at a 30-45 degree angle and maximum speed of 35 mph. If her path ever became blocked by a vehicle across the road, she could, at some risk to herself and any passengers, ram the blocking vehicle in an effort to spin it out of the way. He instructed her to hit the other vehicle on an angle, with the impact focused on the wheel you want to move out of the way.
“Thank you, Sousuke.” Kaname’s mood abruptly changed again. She leaned over and kissed him, wishing with all her heart that they had reached that stage of their relationship long ago. The fact that he was teaching these things made it easier for her heart to face the truth her head already knew. She was leaving Japan. Sousuke wouldn’t be by her side any more.
“You do not need to do that, Kaname. My attempts at teaching you these things are as much for my own peace of mind as they are for your safety.” Sousuke wiped a tear off of her eyelashes. “Also, you can serve as an emissary, bringing the otaku tradition to America.”
Kaname hugged Sousuke. She fought back more tears as she did do, thinking about the strange vagaries of life. Kissing. His sense of humor. Her having a car. So many opportunities and wonders had begun coming about at the wrong time. In some ways, that was the story of her life. Looking over at Sousuke, she was glad that he had a chance to experience these things at all. Had he never come to Tokyo, he would be the same clueless and near emotionless boy that he had been before.
After giving her more didactic instruction, Sousuke switched gears so to speak. He began running her through driving techniques. “There are things you should become adept at. You will not learn them in a day. I will mail you an appropriate instructional video in the future, and ask you to practice the methods religiously. I also suggest that you purchase a copy of the book ‘Drive to Survive‘ on Amazon.com.”
With the car in park, he described the "J" turnaround; the "Y" turnaround; the "U" turnaround; the "bootleg" turn; and controlled skidding. After that, he described his own personal aggressive methodology that he had started learning when he was driving cars as a boy in Afghanistan.
For the next hour after that, he had Kaname begin practicing things behind the wheel. He felt guilty at one point, wondering why he was working so hard to keep her alive for someone else to love. But, the answer was obvious enough.
Kaname Chidori meant the world to him. No, Kaname Chidori was the world for him.
Once gain, he would need to adjust to a new world.
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The had long since gone down on Kasai Rinkai Park.
Kaname and Sousuke had already strolled along the waterfront area, visited the fabulous aquarium, and riden on Japan’s largest Ferris wheel, the “Diamond and Flowers.”
The day had been so clear, that they had been able to catch a glimpse of Mt. Fuji from atop the wheel. The sun had shone so brightly that it had been the broad expanse of blue ocean looked to be covered with diamonds. The park was divided into five separate zones under the theme of harmony among greenery, water, and people. Kaname made certain to kiss Sousuke in each of those zones.
“I’m glad you came here with me today, Sousuke.” Standing under a large light, Kaname leaned against him as the wind kicked her hair up, making it look as if her head was the great blue octopus they had seen in the Aquarium’s donut-shaped tank filled with giant bonito, tuna, and sharks.
“It will be a special memory, Kaname.” Sousuke looked own at her, wondering if he would ever have a day like this with someone else. “I too am glad that we came.”
After walking some more, and taking in some views of the city at night, the two made there way back to Kaname’s car, parked in an out of the way place. It was getting late.
“Will your father be expecting you home soon, Kaname?” Sousuke asked.
“Don’t worry about that, Sousuke. Sometimes you’re too responsible for your own good.” Kaname got into the driver’s seat as Sousuke opened the passenger side door. “It’s a beautiful night. We don’t have too many more of those left. I feel like there is so much I want to tell you, but I don’t know where to start.” She leaned over onto Sousuke again, looking up at him with a look that told him that she wanted to be kissed. He obliged.
“You’re trembling, Kaname. Are you well?” Sousuke put his hand on her forehead. She did not feel warm. “The night air is a bit chill, and we are not warmly dressed. You have the windows cracked as well.”
Kaname turned on the radio. “I have blankets in the back seat, Sousuke.” She trembled a bit more. “Why don’t you come sit back there with me.”
“Kaname? I could reach back for the blankets.”
“I’d like to sit back there, mister. If that’s alright with you. Do you always have to make things so difficult?“ Kaname forced herself to take a deep breath. “These seats up here are good fro driving. The one’s in the back are good for… sitting.” Kaname’s voice had an odd quality to it. Sousuke had never heard her sound quite like that before.
“Kazoe kirenai demo sukoshino saigetsu ha nagare
ittai kimi wo kotowo dorekurai wakatterunokana
yubisaki de chizu tadoru youniha umaku ikanaine
kizuiteiruyo fuan souna kao kakushiteru kurai…”
“Oh. I really like this song. It’s one of my favorites.” Kaname opened her door, and then walked around to get into the back seat.
“It is? What is it called?” Sousuke followed suit, taking in the surrounding environment before entering the car. It was very dark and isolated here. It was probably the only place like this in the entire area. That made it potentially unsafe.
“’Hitomi no Jyuunin‘. Living in your eyes. By L'arc-en-ciel” Kaname slid over some, resting her head on Sousuke’s shoulder. “You smell nice, Sousuke. Is that the cologne I bought you last week?”
“Affirmative.”
“Isogi ashi no ashita heto teikou suruyouni
kake mayotte temo
fushigina kurai kono mune ha kimi wo egakuyo
miagereba kagayaki ha iroasezu afureteita
donna toki mo terashiteru
ano taiyou no youni naretanara …”
“Uhhh… Kaname… are you comfortable?” Sousuke tensed up some. Kaname was leaning very heavily against him, moving around and trying to find just the right position.
“Yes, Sousuke.” Kaname closed her eyes and tried to get her tangle of emotions in order. “I’m fine. How about you? You’re shaking.”
“No.” Sousuke shook his head.
“Sousuke, you are shaking.” Kaname smiled. Big tough Specialist was afraid to admit he was shivering.
“I do not think so.”
“Mou sukoshidake kimi no nioi ni dakarete itaina
soto no kuuki ni kubiwa wo hikare
boku ha se wo muketa
shiroku nijinda tameiki ni shirasareru
toki wo kurikaeshigara futo omounosa
naze boku ha kokoni irundarou…”
“Sousuke. You are shaking. Are you cold?”
“I don’t think I am.” Sousuke looked at Kaname. All he could see was a faint dark outline.
“If you are not cold, then why are you shaking?” Kaname stretched her neck and kissed him on the neck.
“I… Kaname… I don’t know…”
“Soba ni ite zutto kimi no egao wo mitsumeteitai
utsuriyuku shunkan ha sono hitomi ni sunde itai
dokomademo odayakana shikisai ni irodorareta
hitotsu no fuukeiga no naka yorisouyouni
toki wo tomete hoshii eien ni …”
“Here, lets use all of the blankets,” Kaname snuggled with Sousuke after they made the best use of the blankets.
Sousuke wondered why Kaname had blankets in her car at this time of year. He felt himself sweating. Kaname smelled particularly good. He never recalled a scent having that effect on him before.
“This is a very good song,” Kaname said.
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The door didn’t say anything.
Kaname hadn’t actually expected that it would. Just the same, she almost felt as if it was staring at her, accusing her of sundry crimes and indiscretions.
Her boldness from the night before had vanished, even though much of her sense of wonder and satisfaction remained. It was all too easy to think about flaunting her father’s rules when he was miles away. It was an entirely different story when he waited somewhere on the other side of that door.
She could stand there all day. Sooner or later, she had to go in. Lifting her chin, she turned the door handle, pushed the door open, and walked into the apartment. From the doorway, she had a good view of the couch. Her father was sitting there. He did not have his newspaper. There was no cup of coffee or tea by his hand.
“Good morning, Kaname.” Shunya’s voice was flat, but there was a definite touch of relief, and a sense of exhaustion. He had gotten precious little sleep.
“Daddy, I'm sorry.” Kaname bit her lip. She fidgeted, moving her hands this way and that. It had been so easy thinking about what she wanted. Now, she had to realize the effect that it had on someone other than herself.
“You should be.” Shunya didn’t get up. He stared at Kaname, a look of disapproval on his face.
“I was irresponsible, Daddy. I know that. I should have called.” Kaname felt like she did as a young girl. She didn’t want her father to think poorly of her. She knew that she had done something wrong. Last night, it didn’t matter. Now it did.
“Yes. That goes without saying. You should have called. You live with your sister and myself, and we care about you. I shouldn’t have to call the police at three o’clock in the morning. Don’t make me call all of the local hospitals asking if they have someone matching your description.” Shunya’s hand trembled slightly, but he brought it under control with a conscious act of will.
“Daddy… I am so sorry… I’m really really sorry.” Kaname looked around the apartment. “Ayame?”
“She’s still sleeping. She was up late last night too, even after I sent her to her room. She kept looking out from her doorway, to see if you’d made it back safely.” Shunya ran a hand through his hair. “You called each of the other nights, and then you were home by the time we had agreed upon.”
“Daddy… I…” Kaname felt her throat tighten.
“Kaname, I’m not asking you what you did.” There was a catch in Shunya’s voice. “I just want to know that you’re alright.”
“I’m fine, Daddy…” Kaname couldn’t meet her father’s eyes. Part of her felt like shouting ‘I slept with him!’
“OK. I feel a little bit better. Now, is there something else that you want to tell me? For instance, where you were and why you didn’t let us know?” Shunya set his jaw. He tried not to come across as judgmental and condemning.
“Last night… I…” Kaname froze. Why? It should be simple. ‘Daddy, I slept with Sousuke’. Go ahead. Say it.
“Kaname. I know that we don’t often have heart to heart talks. But, I hope that you realize that you can talk tome about anything.” Shunya meant what he said. Just the same, he felt as if he might have failed his daughter in some way. It was difficult being both father and mother. He was certain that if he did one job well, he must be making a mess of the other.
“I know that.” Kaname felt the tight band around her heart loosen up just a bit.
Shunya sat quietly, waiting.
“I spent the night with him, Daddy.” Kaname felt herself tense up again. She should feel relieved, not more stressed out, right?
“Sousuke?”
“Daddy… yes…” Kaname swallowed hard. “I’m so scared.” She pushed the hair away from her face. “I’m scared to death what you must think of me.”
“Why don’t you sit down, Kaname.” Shunya moved some cushions out of the way. He watched as Kaname walked over to the couch, seating herself hesitantly.
“Daddy… he’s so wonderful…” The words burst out of Kaname, as if she had to justify what she did, and because she wanted so desperately to have her father understand her feelings. “Everyone used to look at him as if he was some kind of jerk or head case. They would laugh at him, or roll their eyes in amusement. He was someone that entertained them, or scared them.” She spoke in a quieter voice. “At first, I thought that way too. He was a freak, someone who followed after me. I wished he would go away.”
Shunya watched his daughter’s face… her posture… everything.
“But he is so kind. I know that he kills people and blows things up, but he’s so gentle. I know he can’t say the same thing about me!” Kaname tried to smile. “Sousuke cares so much. And it took me a long time to see that.” She felt tears coming to her eyes. “I feel so safe around him.”
Shunya nodded.
“I went through all of the different feelings I could have, before last night. I went through all of the possible arguments. I decided that it was best not to sleep with him, because I didn’t want any problems.” Kaname thought back to the time she had spent in her bed each night, trying to figure out what she wanted, and working her way through the way she might feel, and through the complications that might follow.
“Did he pressure you, then?” Shunya sat up straighter, his eyes narrowing. One of his hands twitched. “Did he get rough?”
“No.” Kaname shook her head. “I… ummm… I put some blankets in the car, just in case. When we were at the park…” She looked away from her father. “I attacked him, Daddy.” She couldn’t help but grinning. Sousuke had been so clueless. She still remembered his trembling, before he began to give way to his emotions.
Shunya looked slightly alarmed for a moment. That certainly wasn’t the way he would have expected things to have gone. Thinking back to his own youth, he sighed. He had not been the one to push the issue during his first time. Looking at Kaname, he could tell that his daughter was watching to see what his reaction would be.
“Did you take precautions?” Shunya asked.
Kaname nodded.
Kaname stopped typing. She sighed, looking out the window. It was difficult transcribing a document meant to save lives, when her own seemed hopeless.
She knew she wasn’t being fair, or even logical. But, that didn’t matter. The advice that her father’s friends had for her had been heartfelt and wise, but it didn’t make her feel any better. That would take time, and time was her enemy at the moment. Time was ticking away. Someone had turned the hourglass over, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
“Sousuke….”
Closing her eyes, she tried to slow down her heart rate. She willed herself to breath more easily. Just the same, she had to rewind the dictation and play the last sentence all over again. This was her job. She had to focus. There was no time to worry about dinner last week, or wonder if Sousuke might show up at lunch time today.
“Japan has been in the forefront of sound practices in minimizing the destructive impacts of disasters, with a comprehensive system of preparedness and response in place at the national, prefectural and local levels, and with responsibilities mapped to respond to disaster situations.” She spoke the words under her breath as she typed. She scowled. But, it was her job to type, not be critical of the words chosen. “This UNEP study on the recent Tokage Typhoon , number twenty-three of 2004, is the first in a series of publications that helps demonstrate the preparedness measures in place in Japan, and provide valuable lessons for mitigation and management in other countries facing similar disasters.”
Kaname stopped again. She looked up at the clock. It still wasn’t noon. She had to get a grip. It had been a number of days since she had seen Sousuke, much less heard from him. Neither he nor her father would tell her what they had spoken about after the other guests had gone home. All she knew was that her father was acting as if it were not in her best interest to see Sousuke any more. At least he hadn’t ordered her to stay away from him.
He was still in Tokyo. She was pretty sure of that, since the telephone call from him had some from his apartment, unless Mithril had some technology that messed with caller I.D. She had been busy taking care of her affairs in Japan, and with shopping for things she wanted to bring with her to America. Most of her shopping for college would take place overseas. She had no idea what Sousuke had been up to.
“The impacts of disasters, whether natural or man-made, not only have human dimensions, but environmental ones as well. Environmental conditions may exacerbate the impact of a disaster, and vice versa, disasters tend to have an effect on the environment.” Kaname paused the dictation. Thinking about natural disasters made her think about Sousuke. And thinking about Sousuke were making her attempts at typing a disaster. “Big idiot! He’s not even around, and he’s causing me trouble. Back to work, Kaname. Deforestation, forest management practices, or agricultural systems can exacerbate the negative environmental impacts of a storm or typhoon, leading to landslides, flooding, and surface water contamination, as illustrated by the 2004 hurricane and storm tragedies in Haiti, and in the Philippines.” She sighed. “Sousuke in Arbalest can lead to landslides, flooding, and surface contamination too.”
She looked up at the clock again. That dinner the other night had turned into a natural disaster. But, to be fair, it wasn’t all Sousuke’s fault. Just the same, he had certainly left an impression on her father. But, all things considered, it may have been the subject matter that had caused the most damage.
It wasn’t as if she and Sousuke were groping around in the dark every night. Geez. They hadn’t even shared a romantic kiss! Her father really needed to lighten up. He was a teenager once too. Mrs. Tetsuya had told a number of stories from his youth, after all. But, she needed to be fair to him too. He didn’t want her to get hurt. Time was ticking away. The hourglass didn’t care whether or not Kaname Chidori ever got to see Sousuke Sagara again.
“We have only now come to understand these cyclical cause and impacts and realize that taking care of our natural resources and managing them wisely not only assures that future generations will be able to live in sustainable ways, but also reduces the risks that natural and man-made hazards pose to people living today.”
Kaname had to take her headset off. For a moment, she felt very claustrophobic. There was no guarantee that she would be able to live in sustainable ways, especially given the threat of man-made hazards in her life. She was still Whispered. Her father just couldn’t bring himself to see what that meant for him and Ayame, blinded as he was by his paternal confidence and his desire to have his family together again.
The threat from terrorist groups might not have been ended. Their attempts on her might well prove to be cyclical. Sousuke and Mithril were her biggest proponents, and now he would be gone from her life. There was no guarantee that the Atlantic branch of the organization would make her as high of a priority as the Pacific once had, if they chose to take on her case at all.
“Are you alright Kaname? You look a little pale?” Miyazawa Tachibana asked. She, like Kaname, was a summer temp.
“Ummm… yes… sure… I’m fine, thanks.” Bringing herself back into focus, she resumed her work after politely declining Miya’s offer of a blind date with her boyfriend’s boss. “Emphasizing and reinforcing the centrality of environmental concerns in disaster management has become a critical priority, as advocated by UNEP, requiring the sound management of natural resources as a tool to prevent disasters and lessen their impacts on people, their homes, and their livelihoods.”
“Are you talking to yourself, Kaname?”
Kaname pushed her chair back so fast, she banged her head painfully on a low set shelf behind her. For a moment, she saw stars. When the Milky Way was gone, she noticed Sousuke standing there. He had a number of paper bags.
“Sousuke!” Kaname stood up, kncoking one of the shelves off, spilling books and typing supplies onto the floor. “Ooooh….”
“Affirmative. It is all my fault.” Sousuke managed to keep a straight face. He had no doubt what Kaname’s first thoughts would be.
“Huh? You know, blaming oneself for someone else’s mistakes is not a good habit, stupid head. One might think that you have serious self-esteem issues.” Kaname shook her headset at him.
“I see.” Sousuke placed the bags on Kaname’s desk. He quickly picked them back up again when he saw the look that she gave him. He placed them on the floor instead.
“Sousuke… I… I was really hoping that you…” Kaname slowed down. She was sounding too eager. She needed to maintain an air of dignity, illusionary or not.
“Stop by and see you on your lunch hours?” Sousuke asked, betting that Kaname would instead say that she was glad that he brought her some food.
“No, you big conceited jerk!” Kaname tossed her hair, then quieted down when one of her co-workes looked around the corner of her cubicle. “I was hungry. You can leave the food and just leave, if you like. Hmmmpppfff!”
“If that is your wish.” Sousuke turned and walked from view. The sound of the stairwell door was plainly evident a few moments later.
“SOUSUKE!” Kaname shouted, and then put her hand over her mouth.
“Shhhhhh!” That admonishment came from at least half a dozen other typists.
“Kaname?” Souske peaked around the edge of her work space.
“You think you’re so smart, don’t you, mister!” Kaname couldn’t help but smile.
“No. Not at all. Someone whose opinion I value habitually calls me a moron… jerk… idiot… and stupid head.” Sousuke picked up a dictionary and began leafing through it.
“What are you doing, Sousuke?” Kaname couldn’t help herself. She sounded somewhat cross.
“I am attempting to improve my manner of thinking. I am checking to see if any of those words refer to someone of heightened intellectual ability.” Sousuke turned a number of pages. “Moron. A noun. A retarded person mentally equal to a child between eight and twelve years. Second definition, a very foolish or stupid person.”
Kaname frowned. Sousuke’s humor was getting more sophisticated. If this kept up, it might end up surpassing her own. “Alright Very funny.”
“Is it? You might not laugh if you were the moron.” Sousuke turned more pages. “Ah. Idiot. Also a noun. A retarded person mentally equal a child two years old. The second definition is familiar. A very foolish or stupid person. It says here to see Mental Retardation.”
“I don’t have to. I’m already looking at it.” Kaname’s scowl deepened.
“Here is a word that will interest you. I am surprised that you haven’t used it before. Perhaps you were too busy as Class Representative and Student Council Vice President to do suitable research. That is certainly understandable.” He leafed through the dictionary, finding the cross-referenced term. “Imbecile. Noun. A retarded person mentally equal to a child between three and eight years old. Second meaning, very foolish or stupid.”
“That’s enough, Sousuke. Don’t be more of a jerk than you have to.” Kaname began tapping her fingers against her computer keyboard.
“Jerk. There are more options this time, with noun and verb. A person regarded as disagreeable, contemptible, etc. especially as the result of foolish or mean behavior. As for the verb…” Sousuke blinked repeatedly when Kaname pulled the book away. “Kaname, you just jerked the book out of my hands.”
Kaname hung her head. Not because she was exasperated. The last thing she wanted was for Sousuke to see her smile.
“I will look away, Kaname, if you do not wish for me to see you grin.” Sousuke spoke in a flat voice.
“Sousuke, compared to you, all of those words refer to a person of heightened intellectual ability.” Kaname looked up at Sousuke. There were tears in her eyes. “Where am I going to find another jerk like you?”
“Do you wish to find another, Kaname?” Sousuke looked serious this time. “In the long run, I suppose it will make you happier to find someone as soon as possible.” He looked away, staring at an updated world map.
“Sousuke… I….”
“I apologize, Kaname. That is not a good subject, now. I had hoped to brighten your day by bringing lunch.”
Kaname merely nodded. She didn’t trust herself to speak at that moment. After taking a deep breath, she asked “What’s in the bags?”
“Fried Tridents from the Ohaio Shop. Soba noodles from the Soba Shop in front of the station.” Sousuke remembered Kaname mentioning those items as things she had wanted to eat before she die, back when they thought that the Full Monty Virus agent might be fatal.
“Oh…” Kaname put her hand over her mouth. Her eyes filled with tears. It took a moment, but she recognized the reference. The big idiot, imbecile, moron! How had he remembered that? And why did he seem determined to make her cry in front of her co-workers?
She froze. The memory had her remember other things as well. She was sitting naked behind a pair of bed curtains in the Nurse’s office at school. Sousuke had ordered her to take her clothes off. At the time, she hadn’t known why, but had done as he asked just the same.
Th-Thank you, Sousuke…” Kaname wiped away her tears and sniffed. “Would you like to eat outside? It’s more private, even if the view isn’t much.”
“That would be nice,” Sousuke said, leaving the bags on the floor. “First, would you be so kind as to inform me of the work that takes place in this Center?”
“OK. It might go over your head. But, it’s the least I can do. You bought lunch.” She offered Sousuke a chair, but as usual he remained standing. He also made certain to choose an angle that could not be seen by anyone outside of the building. Some things never change. The IETC's main role is to promote the application of Environmentally Sound Technologies or ESTs to address urban environmental problems, such as sewage, air pollution, solid waste and noise, and the management of freshwater resources to developing countries and countries with economies in transition. The Centre serves as a proactive inter-mediator for cooperation between sources and users of ESTs.”
“You memorized that?” Sousuke looked impressed. He raised one eyebrow when Kaname covered a typed blurb she had taped to her desk front.
“Of course.” Kaname smiled, she knew that Sousuke knew. By his look, he knew that she knew he knew. Whew. “They are very concerned about the management of freshwater basins, since lakes, reservoirs, and ground water are the planet's most important freshwater resources providing water for domestic, agricultural and industrial uses for much of the world's population.” She moved her coffee cup to cover over that second blurb, trying not to smile. “As a part of the Division of Technology, Industry and Economics, IETC is currently closely coordinating its activities with substantive offices of UNEP, mainly Division of Policy Development and Law and Division of Environmental Policy Implementation, INFOTERRA, and UNEP's regional offices. We are also implementing joint activities with the Sustainable Cities Program of UN-HABITAT, and working in close collaboration with the United Nations Development Program, the Commission on Sustainable Development, the International Labor Organization, the World Health Organization, the United Nations Industrial Development Organization, the United Nations Conference on Trade and Development , the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization, the Regional Economic Commissions and the United Nations organizations at large.”
“I see. Quite a mouthful. I presume that you also…” he pried away her hand and read the end of the third blurb. “…building partnerships and collaborative relationships with international and bilateral financial institutions, technical assistance organizations, the private and academic sectors, foundations and corporations to broaden our technical and financial base of IETC.”
Yes,” Kaname said. “You might be smarter than you look.” She stood up and threw herself on Sousuke, hugging him tightly. “Might.”
Sitting outside on a concrete wall overlooking the empty truck bays, Kaname gave him a true idea of what the Center did.
“I don’t see why that would matter to someone like you, you big stupid head. I hate to think how much environmental devastation you and that walking bucket of bolts have caused worldwide. When most people visit different countries, they take pictures, collect postcards, or buy souvenirs.” Kaname bit into her third Trident. That was after scolding Sousuke for bring too many.
“This is true,” Sousuke admitted.
“But, I guess that’s just like you, huh?” Kaname wiped her mouth on her napkin. “When most people visit a school, they don’t end up tackling teachers, blowing up lockers, killing and cooking koi… stuff like that…”
“That is also true,” Sousuke said, finishing up his bowl of noodles.
“And… most girls… most smart girls don’t end up…” Kaname looked up at Sousuke’s face. “Most smart girls don’t end up falling for guys like that….”
The two ended up kissing. To Kaname, she wanted to think of the moment as her first kiss, disregarding the kiss that Leonard had stolen from her after Sousuke had left for Hong Kong.
For Sousuke, it was his first real kiss. He had long since realized that CPR was not a form of kissing.
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“The kind of car you drive, where you drive and where you park it all influence your vulnerability to terrorist kidnapping or car bombing.”
Sousuke sat in the passenger’s seat of Kaname’s car. It was after hours at her place of work, and everyone by a small night crew had gone home. The Security guard gave Sousuke permission to drive around the large parking lot.
“Sheeesh, Sousuke. Are you sure we need to do this? I mean, you know what kind of car I have now. Daddy will probably get me something similar in America, if I need a car at all.” Kaname gave a wary eye to the light poles and garbage cans that were part of the lot. The last thing she needed to do was wreck her car. There would be no way to sell it then.
“Kaname, you are still Whispered. I will not be around to protect you. Your first goal should be to lower your profile as a terrorist target. Use a plain car that doesn't attract attention to yourself. Consider avoiding government cars that immediately identify you as associated with the U.N. or U.S. Government.” Sousuke was adamant. This was something he could do to look after Kaname, even when he was no longer around her.
“I don’t know. It sounds kind of stupid. I’m not going to be the victim of a random attack, you know. If they know my name, they can find my picture. Right?” Kaname didn’t want to seem too annoyed or ungrateful. After all, she wanted to spend as much pleasant time with Sousuke as possible.
Sousuke just kept on talking. “Terrorist acts against individuals, such as kidnappings or car bombings, usually occur outside the home and after the victim's habits have been established through surveillance over a period of time. Your most predictable habit that can be exploited by a terrorist is the route you travel between your home and place of schooling or commonly frequented local facilities. Vary these routes as much as possible.”
“There won’t be much chance of that in New York, Sousuke. The streets and traffic there might not let me do that kind of thing.” Kaname sighed. She was beginning to get that old ‘Sousuke needed to be tattooed with a halisen’ feeling again.
“You will not know that until you get there. You may also change your venue of education. If you have a schedule for the rest of your life, I will gladly go over it with you.“ Sousuke knew that Kaname would usually say ‘Hmmmpppfff’ after making that kind of statement. “Hmmmpppfff!“
“Please don’t do that, Sousuke.“ Kaname frowned. “You’re not very good at it.“
“I see. Then while you practice driving, I will practice annoyed utterances.“ Sousuke didn’t smile. He was not in the mood to be struck. “Although you may never be immune from terrorist attack, there are efforts that you can make that will reduce your chances of being kidnapped from your car, or decrease your risk of being a car bomb victim.”
“I should have recorded all this to play back for my father,” Kaname said. Her father might not believe her otherwise.
“That is a good idea. As a U.N. official, such skills might prove invaluable to him as well. But, seeing as I do not have a recording device, remember to tell him whatever you can.” He shook his head when Kaname slapped her forehead in frustration. “For example, one common method of kidnapping favored by terrorist organizations is to stop a victim's car as it is driving along a predictable route. That's why it is important to vary your route frequently.” Sousuke looked for sign of understanding in Kaname’s eyes. “Check occasionally to see if another car is following you. If you think you are being followed, circle the block or change directions several times to confirm the presence of surveillance. Make note of a description of the car and its occupants, if possible. It is okay to let the surveillants know you have seen them, but do not under any circumstances take any action that might provoke them or that could lead to confrontation.”
“You are close to provoking me to confrontation, stupid head!” Kaname stomped her foot. The car jerked. She had hit the accelerator.
Sousuke gave Kaname a long look that left her blushing. “If a suspected kidnapper does not stop following you, drive directly to the nearest safe haven, such as a military base, the nearest Embassy, or the local Police facilities. Continue to carry a cell phone at all times. Something else very important. You must learn to recognize and be alert to events that could signal the start of a plan to stop your car and take you captive. Such events include a cyclist falling in front of your car…a flagman or workman stopping your car…an unusual detour… a fake police check point… a road blocked by a disabled vehicle or accident victim…an accident in which your car is deliberately struck… cars or pedestrian traffic that box you in…any sudden activity or gunfire….”
“Alright already. Sousuke, you’re giving me a headache!” Kaname just barely kept from stomping her foot again.
Sousuke was not moved. He didn’t care how tired or bored Kaname might be. He went on to tell her that split second decisions were difficult to get right under adverse conditions, and that it would serve her well to rehearsing in your mind, in advance, how you will react under various possible circumstances. The options might be limited. One can sound the horn to draw attention to your car, ensuring that there will be witnesses to observe and report what happened. Drivers can make a quick U- turn and try to escape. If someone needs need to jump the curb, he or she should hit it at a 30-45 degree angle and maximum speed of 35 mph. If her path ever became blocked by a vehicle across the road, she could, at some risk to herself and any passengers, ram the blocking vehicle in an effort to spin it out of the way. He instructed her to hit the other vehicle on an angle, with the impact focused on the wheel you want to move out of the way.
“Thank you, Sousuke.” Kaname’s mood abruptly changed again. She leaned over and kissed him, wishing with all her heart that they had reached that stage of their relationship long ago. The fact that he was teaching these things made it easier for her heart to face the truth her head already knew. She was leaving Japan. Sousuke wouldn’t be by her side any more.
“You do not need to do that, Kaname. My attempts at teaching you these things are as much for my own peace of mind as they are for your safety.” Sousuke wiped a tear off of her eyelashes. “Also, you can serve as an emissary, bringing the otaku tradition to America.”
Kaname hugged Sousuke. She fought back more tears as she did do, thinking about the strange vagaries of life. Kissing. His sense of humor. Her having a car. So many opportunities and wonders had begun coming about at the wrong time. In some ways, that was the story of her life. Looking over at Sousuke, she was glad that he had a chance to experience these things at all. Had he never come to Tokyo, he would be the same clueless and near emotionless boy that he had been before.
After giving her more didactic instruction, Sousuke switched gears so to speak. He began running her through driving techniques. “There are things you should become adept at. You will not learn them in a day. I will mail you an appropriate instructional video in the future, and ask you to practice the methods religiously. I also suggest that you purchase a copy of the book ‘Drive to Survive‘ on Amazon.com.”
With the car in park, he described the "J" turnaround; the "Y" turnaround; the "U" turnaround; the "bootleg" turn; and controlled skidding. After that, he described his own personal aggressive methodology that he had started learning when he was driving cars as a boy in Afghanistan.
For the next hour after that, he had Kaname begin practicing things behind the wheel. He felt guilty at one point, wondering why he was working so hard to keep her alive for someone else to love. But, the answer was obvious enough.
Kaname Chidori meant the world to him. No, Kaname Chidori was the world for him.
Once gain, he would need to adjust to a new world.
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The had long since gone down on Kasai Rinkai Park.
Kaname and Sousuke had already strolled along the waterfront area, visited the fabulous aquarium, and riden on Japan’s largest Ferris wheel, the “Diamond and Flowers.”
The day had been so clear, that they had been able to catch a glimpse of Mt. Fuji from atop the wheel. The sun had shone so brightly that it had been the broad expanse of blue ocean looked to be covered with diamonds. The park was divided into five separate zones under the theme of harmony among greenery, water, and people. Kaname made certain to kiss Sousuke in each of those zones.
“I’m glad you came here with me today, Sousuke.” Standing under a large light, Kaname leaned against him as the wind kicked her hair up, making it look as if her head was the great blue octopus they had seen in the Aquarium’s donut-shaped tank filled with giant bonito, tuna, and sharks.
“It will be a special memory, Kaname.” Sousuke looked own at her, wondering if he would ever have a day like this with someone else. “I too am glad that we came.”
After walking some more, and taking in some views of the city at night, the two made there way back to Kaname’s car, parked in an out of the way place. It was getting late.
“Will your father be expecting you home soon, Kaname?” Sousuke asked.
“Don’t worry about that, Sousuke. Sometimes you’re too responsible for your own good.” Kaname got into the driver’s seat as Sousuke opened the passenger side door. “It’s a beautiful night. We don’t have too many more of those left. I feel like there is so much I want to tell you, but I don’t know where to start.” She leaned over onto Sousuke again, looking up at him with a look that told him that she wanted to be kissed. He obliged.
“You’re trembling, Kaname. Are you well?” Sousuke put his hand on her forehead. She did not feel warm. “The night air is a bit chill, and we are not warmly dressed. You have the windows cracked as well.”
Kaname turned on the radio. “I have blankets in the back seat, Sousuke.” She trembled a bit more. “Why don’t you come sit back there with me.”
“Kaname? I could reach back for the blankets.”
“I’d like to sit back there, mister. If that’s alright with you. Do you always have to make things so difficult?“ Kaname forced herself to take a deep breath. “These seats up here are good fro driving. The one’s in the back are good for… sitting.” Kaname’s voice had an odd quality to it. Sousuke had never heard her sound quite like that before.
“Kazoe kirenai demo sukoshino saigetsu ha nagare
ittai kimi wo kotowo dorekurai wakatterunokana
yubisaki de chizu tadoru youniha umaku ikanaine
kizuiteiruyo fuan souna kao kakushiteru kurai…”
“Oh. I really like this song. It’s one of my favorites.” Kaname opened her door, and then walked around to get into the back seat.
“It is? What is it called?” Sousuke followed suit, taking in the surrounding environment before entering the car. It was very dark and isolated here. It was probably the only place like this in the entire area. That made it potentially unsafe.
“’Hitomi no Jyuunin‘. Living in your eyes. By L'arc-en-ciel” Kaname slid over some, resting her head on Sousuke’s shoulder. “You smell nice, Sousuke. Is that the cologne I bought you last week?”
“Affirmative.”
“Isogi ashi no ashita heto teikou suruyouni
kake mayotte temo
fushigina kurai kono mune ha kimi wo egakuyo
miagereba kagayaki ha iroasezu afureteita
donna toki mo terashiteru
ano taiyou no youni naretanara …”
“Uhhh… Kaname… are you comfortable?” Sousuke tensed up some. Kaname was leaning very heavily against him, moving around and trying to find just the right position.
“Yes, Sousuke.” Kaname closed her eyes and tried to get her tangle of emotions in order. “I’m fine. How about you? You’re shaking.”
“No.” Sousuke shook his head.
“Sousuke, you are shaking.” Kaname smiled. Big tough Specialist was afraid to admit he was shivering.
“I do not think so.”
“Mou sukoshidake kimi no nioi ni dakarete itaina
soto no kuuki ni kubiwa wo hikare
boku ha se wo muketa
shiroku nijinda tameiki ni shirasareru
toki wo kurikaeshigara futo omounosa
naze boku ha kokoni irundarou…”
“Sousuke. You are shaking. Are you cold?”
“I don’t think I am.” Sousuke looked at Kaname. All he could see was a faint dark outline.
“If you are not cold, then why are you shaking?” Kaname stretched her neck and kissed him on the neck.
“I… Kaname… I don’t know…”
“Soba ni ite zutto kimi no egao wo mitsumeteitai
utsuriyuku shunkan ha sono hitomi ni sunde itai
dokomademo odayakana shikisai ni irodorareta
hitotsu no fuukeiga no naka yorisouyouni
toki wo tomete hoshii eien ni …”
“Here, lets use all of the blankets,” Kaname snuggled with Sousuke after they made the best use of the blankets.
Sousuke wondered why Kaname had blankets in her car at this time of year. He felt himself sweating. Kaname smelled particularly good. He never recalled a scent having that effect on him before.
“This is a very good song,” Kaname said.
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The door didn’t say anything.
Kaname hadn’t actually expected that it would. Just the same, she almost felt as if it was staring at her, accusing her of sundry crimes and indiscretions.
Her boldness from the night before had vanished, even though much of her sense of wonder and satisfaction remained. It was all too easy to think about flaunting her father’s rules when he was miles away. It was an entirely different story when he waited somewhere on the other side of that door.
She could stand there all day. Sooner or later, she had to go in. Lifting her chin, she turned the door handle, pushed the door open, and walked into the apartment. From the doorway, she had a good view of the couch. Her father was sitting there. He did not have his newspaper. There was no cup of coffee or tea by his hand.
“Good morning, Kaname.” Shunya’s voice was flat, but there was a definite touch of relief, and a sense of exhaustion. He had gotten precious little sleep.
“Daddy, I'm sorry.” Kaname bit her lip. She fidgeted, moving her hands this way and that. It had been so easy thinking about what she wanted. Now, she had to realize the effect that it had on someone other than herself.
“You should be.” Shunya didn’t get up. He stared at Kaname, a look of disapproval on his face.
“I was irresponsible, Daddy. I know that. I should have called.” Kaname felt like she did as a young girl. She didn’t want her father to think poorly of her. She knew that she had done something wrong. Last night, it didn’t matter. Now it did.
“Yes. That goes without saying. You should have called. You live with your sister and myself, and we care about you. I shouldn’t have to call the police at three o’clock in the morning. Don’t make me call all of the local hospitals asking if they have someone matching your description.” Shunya’s hand trembled slightly, but he brought it under control with a conscious act of will.
“Daddy… I am so sorry… I’m really really sorry.” Kaname looked around the apartment. “Ayame?”
“She’s still sleeping. She was up late last night too, even after I sent her to her room. She kept looking out from her doorway, to see if you’d made it back safely.” Shunya ran a hand through his hair. “You called each of the other nights, and then you were home by the time we had agreed upon.”
“Daddy… I…” Kaname felt her throat tighten.
“Kaname, I’m not asking you what you did.” There was a catch in Shunya’s voice. “I just want to know that you’re alright.”
“I’m fine, Daddy…” Kaname couldn’t meet her father’s eyes. Part of her felt like shouting ‘I slept with him!’
“OK. I feel a little bit better. Now, is there something else that you want to tell me? For instance, where you were and why you didn’t let us know?” Shunya set his jaw. He tried not to come across as judgmental and condemning.
“Last night… I…” Kaname froze. Why? It should be simple. ‘Daddy, I slept with Sousuke’. Go ahead. Say it.
“Kaname. I know that we don’t often have heart to heart talks. But, I hope that you realize that you can talk tome about anything.” Shunya meant what he said. Just the same, he felt as if he might have failed his daughter in some way. It was difficult being both father and mother. He was certain that if he did one job well, he must be making a mess of the other.
“I know that.” Kaname felt the tight band around her heart loosen up just a bit.
Shunya sat quietly, waiting.
“I spent the night with him, Daddy.” Kaname felt herself tense up again. She should feel relieved, not more stressed out, right?
“Sousuke?”
“Daddy… yes…” Kaname swallowed hard. “I’m so scared.” She pushed the hair away from her face. “I’m scared to death what you must think of me.”
“Why don’t you sit down, Kaname.” Shunya moved some cushions out of the way. He watched as Kaname walked over to the couch, seating herself hesitantly.
“Daddy… he’s so wonderful…” The words burst out of Kaname, as if she had to justify what she did, and because she wanted so desperately to have her father understand her feelings. “Everyone used to look at him as if he was some kind of jerk or head case. They would laugh at him, or roll their eyes in amusement. He was someone that entertained them, or scared them.” She spoke in a quieter voice. “At first, I thought that way too. He was a freak, someone who followed after me. I wished he would go away.”
Shunya watched his daughter’s face… her posture… everything.
“But he is so kind. I know that he kills people and blows things up, but he’s so gentle. I know he can’t say the same thing about me!” Kaname tried to smile. “Sousuke cares so much. And it took me a long time to see that.” She felt tears coming to her eyes. “I feel so safe around him.”
Shunya nodded.
“I went through all of the different feelings I could have, before last night. I went through all of the possible arguments. I decided that it was best not to sleep with him, because I didn’t want any problems.” Kaname thought back to the time she had spent in her bed each night, trying to figure out what she wanted, and working her way through the way she might feel, and through the complications that might follow.
“Did he pressure you, then?” Shunya sat up straighter, his eyes narrowing. One of his hands twitched. “Did he get rough?”
“No.” Kaname shook her head. “I… ummm… I put some blankets in the car, just in case. When we were at the park…” She looked away from her father. “I attacked him, Daddy.” She couldn’t help but grinning. Sousuke had been so clueless. She still remembered his trembling, before he began to give way to his emotions.
Shunya looked slightly alarmed for a moment. That certainly wasn’t the way he would have expected things to have gone. Thinking back to his own youth, he sighed. He had not been the one to push the issue during his first time. Looking at Kaname, he could tell that his daughter was watching to see what his reaction would be.
“Did you take precautions?” Shunya asked.
Kaname nodded.
Anyhow, you'd think that Sousuke, the resposible guy he is, would be around when she sort things out with her dad... 
