[fic] Where The Heart Is
Posted: Mon Sep 19, 2005 2:58 am
I have another test tomorrow on Classic Japanese. I would’ve liked to have studied more, but I’ve been away on another mission. Looks like I’ll be up all night again preparing.
I haven’t gotten much sleep lately as it is. I think balancing work and school are finally taking their toll on me. Yesterday I interrogated a pizza delivery man at gun point who was bringing Chidori her dinner. It earned me a smack upside the head with her halisen. I’ve gotten better at adjusting to life here in Japan, but I’m starting to make more mistakes. I think Mao may be right about me spreading myself too thin.
And since we defeated Amalgam and rescued Chidori, things have been peaceful here. I don’t know. Maybe the higher-ups are right in that there’s no more reason for me to stay here. And perhaps I am biting off more than I can chew by balancing two lives. It’s obvious that I don’t fit in well here. The battlefield is the only life I’ve ever known. How could I ever fit in here?
But then… how could I ever leave after everything that’s happened? For the first time, I’m actually considering the future instead of waiting for my time to die. There are things that I feel I can do with my life that I’d never dreamed possible. There’re friends I’ve made who have accepted me in spite of all the mistakes I make, even after learning of my past. I’m very grateful to them.
And of course there’s… her.
There are times when I think I’m nothing more than a burden with all the trouble I cause for her. And it’s painfully obvious how mad she gets at me for it. But then sometimes I’ll get something right and she gives me a smile that tells me she understands how hard I try and that she’s glad I’m there. That smile. The sound of her voice. The occasional touch of her hand. They make it all worthwhile. And they let me know that she still needs me there even if there’s no one after her.
It also reminds me that I need her.
And then I realize that I’m not here because Mithril needs me to be or because this life suits me. I’m here because this is where I want to be. This is the life that makes me happy. I’d never known the real meaning of that word before.
Be patient with me, Chidori. I know I’m not easy to deal with. And I know that me leaving so often on missions makes it difficult on you. You’re always looking out for me though I know I don’t deserve it. But for right now, leaving Mithril isn’t an option. There are too many lives that depend on me piloting Arbalast. But if you’ll give me the chance, someday I’ll make it all up to you. Because here, with you, for the first time in my life, I am… home.
I haven’t gotten much sleep lately as it is. I think balancing work and school are finally taking their toll on me. Yesterday I interrogated a pizza delivery man at gun point who was bringing Chidori her dinner. It earned me a smack upside the head with her halisen. I’ve gotten better at adjusting to life here in Japan, but I’m starting to make more mistakes. I think Mao may be right about me spreading myself too thin.
And since we defeated Amalgam and rescued Chidori, things have been peaceful here. I don’t know. Maybe the higher-ups are right in that there’s no more reason for me to stay here. And perhaps I am biting off more than I can chew by balancing two lives. It’s obvious that I don’t fit in well here. The battlefield is the only life I’ve ever known. How could I ever fit in here?
But then… how could I ever leave after everything that’s happened? For the first time, I’m actually considering the future instead of waiting for my time to die. There are things that I feel I can do with my life that I’d never dreamed possible. There’re friends I’ve made who have accepted me in spite of all the mistakes I make, even after learning of my past. I’m very grateful to them.
And of course there’s… her.
There are times when I think I’m nothing more than a burden with all the trouble I cause for her. And it’s painfully obvious how mad she gets at me for it. But then sometimes I’ll get something right and she gives me a smile that tells me she understands how hard I try and that she’s glad I’m there. That smile. The sound of her voice. The occasional touch of her hand. They make it all worthwhile. And they let me know that she still needs me there even if there’s no one after her.
It also reminds me that I need her.
And then I realize that I’m not here because Mithril needs me to be or because this life suits me. I’m here because this is where I want to be. This is the life that makes me happy. I’d never known the real meaning of that word before.
Be patient with me, Chidori. I know I’m not easy to deal with. And I know that me leaving so often on missions makes it difficult on you. You’re always looking out for me though I know I don’t deserve it. But for right now, leaving Mithril isn’t an option. There are too many lives that depend on me piloting Arbalast. But if you’ll give me the chance, someday I’ll make it all up to you. Because here, with you, for the first time in my life, I am… home.
I think they're on the second page, actually. I guess I should make one of those nifty Table of Contents posts, but feel quite self-conscious with people who have like 20 fics up. ^^;;
)
if Sousuke kept a diary.... is this what'd it look like?