FullMetal*Panic!

The sound of high heals echoing through the corridor of the world’s most advanced submarine sounded out of place somehow.

But, that was nothing compared to the something that the crew of the Tuatha Da Danaan had long since learned to take for granted. The designer of that miraculous craft was a teenage girl. Not only that, the petite and soft-spoken young woman was also the Captain of their vessel.

Tessa entered her cabin, holding a keycard in her hand. She had just returned from running a maintenance check on the TAROS, and needed to put the key back in her safe.

“I’ll have to do it some day…” She hesitated, hand inches away from the combination lock. Thinking about the Transfer and Response Omni Sphere had led her to think about Arbalest again. Sousuke Sagara’s mental pattern had been imprinted on the ARX-7s pseudo-nervous system via the TAROS. As a result, the machine would accept no one else as its operator. “But today is not the day to think about it…”

As an officer in Mithril, and someone with an inordinate amount of responsibility resting on her shoulders, she needed to do what was best for the organization. That meant putting the most valuable assets in the places with the highest priority. Sgt. Sagara would not want to hear that. He might very well challenge his removal from a mission that was ineffective and uncertain, and could best be left under the aegis of the Intelligence Division. But, previous encounters had demonstrated just how crucial the Lamba Driver was, seeing how the enemy had similar technology.

She didn’t look forward to the confrontation that must surely come. Worse, she felt terribly guilty, thinking back to the time she had spent at Kaname’s apartment, enjoying a Truth or Dare party that she had essentially forced on her fellow Whispered. True, Kaname had ended up enjoying herself a great deal too, but that didn’t remove any of the sting.

“They’ll both be here today,” Tessa mused, opening the safe. Putting the keycard away, she picked up two photographs. She couldn’t help but smile seeing one and sigh seeing the other. The picture of her and Sousuke on the beach had been safely squirreled away for a number of months. The picture from the party was relatively new. It showed Sousuke, a lampshade on his head, surrounded by girls. She was sitting on his lap. A rather perturbed looking Kaname was being held back by her friends. Priceless.

The intercom on her desk buzzed. Her face immediately grew warm when she heard the voice. It was Cmdr. Mardukas. She would never let him see the photographs that she was clutching to her breast. Just hearing his voice made her feel guilty, as if there were a thousand eyes staring at her.

“Madame Captain, we have word from Flight Control. The helicopter with our guest is in range. We await your order for surfacing and preparation for retrieval.”

“I’m on my way,” Tessa said. This time, they were in no rush. Unless the radar detection officers saw something that was worrisome, there was no reason that they couldn’t take the rotary wing aircraft onboard. It wasn’t as if there was no choice, with the two of them skydiving from a small propeller driven aircraft. “It might be more fun that way…” She tugged at her ponytail, thinking back to the things that the underwater microphone had picked up when Kaname Chidori and St. Sagara were brought on board before.

Leaving her cabin, she made her way towards the bridge. For no apparent reason, she fell. Picking herself back up again, she cursed her clumsiness. At least there was no one there to see it this time. She had done the same thing with Kaname watching before, back when they were celebrating Dan Danaan’s One Year birthday. The crew had wanted to pay its respects to the young woman who had helped save two of its own.

“I still can’t believe that they’re gone.” Tessa thought of officers McKaren and Laing, killed by the traitors Gwen and Dannigan when Gauron staged his take-over. She put her hand to her cheek, remembering the chaste kiss that the one man had given her, after winning the game of Bingo.

The crew had petitioned her for a party. They wanted to celebrate the fact that they had survived the attempted sea-jacking, and they wanted to honor the memories of their fallen comrades. Tessa wiped a tear from her eye, remembering how she had felt reviewing the crew after the TDD-1 had docked at its island base. She had called out McKaren’s name, but there is no reply. Cmdr. Marducas told her that was 'on patrol'. The same was said for Laing.

Things went smoothly after that. When the incoming helicopter had landed securely in the submarine’s hold, Tessa left the bridge to welcome the arrivals. As she passed by the small commons room, Kurz Weber stepped out into the hall. Not far behind him, Melissa Mao followed.

“Hey! Tess-sa-a-a…” Kurz smiled until Melissa cuffed him hard in the back of the head. “I mean, Captain.” He pretended to sound more dignified, but his eyes were alight with mischief. “Are you ready for the party? I’m going to be the Master of Ceremonies again.”

Tessa kept walking without saying a word. That was usually the best way to handle Sgt. Weber. If things threatened to get too far out of hand, Sgt. Major Mao would keep him in line.

“Remember last time,” Kurz said. “You said 'Anything that I can do to help, I will...'” He chuckled. “First prize was a kiss, instead of your panties… owww…”

“Asshole!” Melissa pushed Kurz hard into a bulkhead, flattening his face against the cold steel. “Tessa is not going to be the prize for your stupid Bingo game.”

“What if I can rig it so that a certain young sergeant can win,” Kurz drawled. “Wouldn’t you like to kiss someone like that?”

Tessa stumbled but didn’t fall. She thought back to the party at Kaname’s place. One of the partygoers had dared her to kiss Sousuke then. It was all part of the game. She wasn’t about to chicken out in front of those girls. She left that for Kaname, who was made to do her chicken routine again. Smiling, she continued to ignore Kurz.

“It would really be a coup in front of a certain Angel, wouldn’t it?” Kurz dodged under Melissa’s swing. “Can’t you just picture the look on her face?”

Tessa kept walking. She tried her best not to smile, knowing that would be like showing fear to a dog, or dropping blood into shark-infested waters. Fact of the matter, she could picture how Kaname might look, having seen just that.

Indeed. She had a treasure trove of memories, from all sorts of Truths and Dares involving Sousuke, Kaname, and herself. When one girl challenged Sousuke to perform the Heimlich maneuver on the visiting student, Sousuke had broken out in a tremendous amount of sweat, and Kaname told him to be very careful where he put his hands. When Tessa had unexpectedly bent her knees, those hands went somewhere that Sousuke hadn’t intended them to go.

That had been wonderful. But, it was far less scandalous than the Pocky. She had tried to dare Sousuke to eat a cookie with her, but the Umpire wouldn’t allow it. However, the idea firmly implanted in the other girls’ heads, someone else hit Sousuke with just the same Dare. She never got a second kiss that way, since Kaname pressured Sousuke into accepting the group’s punishment, threatening something much worse and longer lasting if he took the Dare.

“Why are you blushing, Tessa?” Kurz had proven himself part dog and part shark. “Are you thinking about our returning hero?” He ran in front of the diminutive Captain, walking backwards so that he could study her face. That won him a door to the back of the head, when someone stepped out of a service hatch unexpectedly.

The girls had agreed that Sousuke needed to get down on all fours and get paddled with a large wooden spatula. Tessa was elected to be the spanker. The girls ganged up on him and pulled down his trousers just as she was about to begin. Finding it hard to believe that she had actually gone through with things, Tessa slipped and fell hard. Melissa glared at Kurz, as if she blamed him for the occurrence.

As the three of them walked into the hangar area, they caught sight of Sousuke and Kaname climbing down a short ladder from the helicopter, the main rotor blades of which were slowing to a stop. Kurz whistled and waved. He ran to give the blue-haired girl a long hug, whispering things in her ear that had turn turning beet red.

“Welcome back, Sergeant Sagara.” Tessa smiled a shy smile, lowering her eyes when she remembered what she had bee recently thinking. “And Miss…” She was interrupted.

“Ka-naaaaa-may,” Kurz said, waving one hand effusively. “I bet you’re glad to be back onboard again. We don’t have any crazed maniacs for you to stop this time, but we do have another party!” His smile promised nothing but trouble. “This year, I was thinking of having everyone doing the Chicken Dance.” He flapped his elbows for a few moments and winked.

“Kurz…” Melissa’s eyes narrowed and her features darkened.

“Wh-… Wh-… What?” Kaname turned pale. Was that a coincidence, or did Kurz know something he shouldn’t know? That wink left a small ball of fear growing in her belly. Furrowing her brow, she looked over at Tessa. She hadn’t broken her promise and squealed, had she?

“And Sousuke old buddy,” Kurz said, taking out his wallet. He removed a few dollars bills. “You can help us out, too.” He pulled on Sousuke’s belt and stuffed the money down his pants. “We need something for the ladies, too.”

“Uhhh…” Sousuke went entirely stiff. He felt as if he had just placed his weight on a pressure sensitive landmine. If he moved at all, he would explode.

“Kurz, I’m warning you…” Melissa clenched her fists.

“Mis-ter Weber!” Tessa blanched. She wondered where Kurz had heard things. Sousuke and Kaname both had acted shocked. In fact, the other girl looked as if she suspected her.

Naturally, Kurz couldn’t stop there. He had been waiting for this moment for too long. Besides, he needed something to make the fruits of his labors worthwhile. He had placed a call to Shinj and promised him some classified A.S. footage, from everything but the ARX-7 itself. He had also phoned OnoD, bargaining with a collection of imported girlie magazines. They had both worked hard to pump the girls for as much information as they could get about the slumber party that Sousuke had crashed.

“Are you going to offer our guest some hospitality,” Kurz asked. “Maybe some tea?” He put his arms I the position of a teapot and began humming the appropriate song.

Sousuke turned white. Kaname looked up at him, concerned. Tessa tugged furiously at her pony tail.

“This is your last warning, Weber…” Melissa laced her fingers together and cracked her knuckled. Usually that had the desired effect. Not this time.

“You might offer her some fruit, too.” Kurz held his hands up in front of his chest, making that facetious suggestion. “I understand that you like apples, Tessa. But Kaname might prefer melons or large oranges.” He looked over at Sousuke, who was involuntarily sliding down the ladder railing. “Right, stud?” He did a slow ballet spin.

“We trusted you!” Kaname glared at Tessa, clenching and unclenching her fists. She bit her lip, coming very close to saying ‘We even had that party you asked for.’ That would only throw kerosene on the fire.

“But… I didn’t…” Tessa shook her head. “I never…”

“That’s it!” Melissa grabbed a dodging Kurz, put him in a headlock, and then rammed him hard into a large barrel of aviation fuel. Needing to get her feelings of aggression out, she did it a number of times more, before kneeing him in the groin and pushing him down into a large flat vat of waste oil. “It was a couple of your classmates,” she told Kaname. “Boys.”

“Sousuke, I want you to remember those interrogation techniques you mentioned.” Kaname made a face that had Melissa taking notes. “We’ll need them when we get back.”

“But Kaname, before you said…” Sousuke stopped when Kaname turned that look on him.

Kurz stood up, dripping large viscous strings of oil. He watched as Tessa led Sousuke and Kaname away. OnoD had earned himself a bonus edition, telling him something extremely juicy. While the boy had no idea of the details yet, he did report that there had been a second Truth or Dare party. That one had a rather special guest of honor.

So, they thought they had Kurz Weber down? Tessa was going to let Melissa get away with what she had done? How wrong they were. “Oh Cap-tain-n-n-n…” He grimaced, feeling some of the oil slide down into his pants. “I hope you’ll let us know how the Truth or Dare party was.”

Tessa slipped and fell again. Sousuke began sweating even more heavily. For good reason. Lt. Kalinin had just stepped out from behind a row of supply crates. The look on his face was a calm and proper as usual, but his eyes clearly said ‘It’s good to see that you have a human side after all, Sagara.’ “Madame Captain, I need to discuss matters with Sergeant Sagara. There are things that we need to work out with Arbalest while he is aboard.”

Seeing the commander of the SRT was not what had placed the icy grip of fear around Sousuke’s heart. Another man had overheard Kurz Weber’s comment.

“After that, I will wish to have some words with the sergeant as well,” Cmdr, Mardukas said. “There’s the matter of a torpedo tube that needs his attention.” His face looked as if it had been carved from stone.

“Is there room for Sgt. Weber too, Sir?” Melissa asked

“We have more than one functioning tube, Sgt. Major.” Cmdr. Mardukas’ voice sounded like the door of a coffin being closed. He looked over at Kurz, whose appearance reminded hi of seabirds caught in an oil spill.

“And I believe that all of the M9s are in need of a good scrubbing,” Kalinin put in. “After the sergeant has cleaned himself up first, of course.” He fought a smile. “I’ll inform the medical officer that she may have a customer, Sgt. Sagara.”

Sousuke couldn’t even open his mouth to say ‘Uhhh’. Kaname looked over at Kurz, promising vengeance. Tessa looked down at her shoes, not able to meet Cmdr. Mardukas’ eyes.

Later, Tessa, Kaname, and Sousuke found themselves mixing with the crew, as the party was about to begin. Sousuke still looked as if he had seen a ghost. Kaname looked a bit smug, having told Tessa that she had spent time alone with Sousuke in his cabin, doing everything that she could to help make him feel better. Tessa was too worried about what Kurz might do as MC to pay much attention.

“As you know, we have a very special guest with us again.” Kurz stood up on the makeshift stage, a spot light shining down on him. “Miss Kaname Chidori.” After the applause died down, he continued by saying “If we’re very lucky, maybe we can convince her to sing again.” That two was followed by clapping and whistles. “I’ve got her costume picked out…” He dangled something that he had risked life and limb to swipe. It was one of Melissa’s skimpiest bathing suits.

“I’ll kill him!” Melissa, Kaname, and Tessa said that at the exact same moment.

“But, that’s not all. We have a great show for you again. Last time, we had a kiss by the lovely Captain as our grand prize.” He struck a pose. “This time, we have the prize we didn’t have before.” He let something dangle from his other hand. It was a pair of woman’s panties. He had spent a lot of money to bribe the Laundry Officer.

Tessa brought her hand to her mouth. Those were hers! She had been told that they were lost.

“Sousuke, you came close to winning before.” Kurz motioned and the spot light centered on his friend. “Maybe you can be the big winner this time.” He struck and even grander pose. “Although, all you probably need to do is ask…”

“Uhhh…” Sousuke felt tense again. Kaname was giving him the evil eye, but it wasn’t even his fault.

“Th-… Th-… That…” Tessa came close to passing out. She seriously considered calling for the MPs.

“His time will come,” Melissa told the smaller woman. “More than once.” She promised that Kurz would be walking funny for months to come.

“Before we get to Bingo, I have a question for you all.” Kurz gave Sousuke a salute. “Who here wants to play Truth or Dare?”

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THE END