History Chapter 2 - Sense Memory

[Moonshadow]

Smoke. Something burning. What was it? Plastic. Metal. Rubber. Some kind of fossil fuel. And hair. Damp earth. Blood. Charred flesh. So much smoke.

Sousuke sat upright in the darkness, gasping for air, eyes wide. Where was he? Had he been attacked? For a moment he was overcome by paralyzing fear. That smell . . .

No, he was in his apartment. The room was calm and quiet except for his own labored breathing. Nothing was burning. It was a dream. His dark hair was matted to his forehead and beads of sweat ran down his temple. Outside the window the clouds had parted slightly, and a few stray beams of moonlight shown through forming small pools on the floor. Slowly his pulse began to return to normal. It had been a nightmare. Nothing more.

“That smell . . .”

His mind had cleared, the room was still, but the impression of that horrible fragrance clung to him. It seemed to have permeated every pore in his body. It would be many hours before he was able to sleep again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Sergeant Sagara reporting, Sir.” Sousuke snapped his salute.

Commander Kalinin met the young soldier on the landing deck of the Tuatha de Danaan. The wind was icy. It whipped strands of his silver hair free from their binding and danced them wildly around his well-worn features. He returned the boy’s salute. “Please follow me, Sergeant. Lieutenant Lemming is waiting for us.”

“Yes, Sir!”

Because the Danaan was cruising just outside of Japanese waters, it had only been a short flight from Tokyo. Sousuke had been able to attend most of his Saturday morning classes and still made it to the plane with time to spare. Lieutenant Lemming wanted to go over some of their findings after the last mission. She also wanted to run some more tests. He had been assured that he would only be needed for a few hours and would be back in Tokyo before nightfall.

The briefing was fairly short. Sousuke was by no means unintelligent, but he was not proficient enough in advanced physics or neurology to understand the more complex aspects of the Lambda Driver’s function or the intricate workings of the human mind. Very few people were. Lieutenant Nora Lemming did her best to explain their findings to him. The mission on the Pacific Christmas had yielded some very promising results. Sergeant Sagara’s ability with the Lambda Driver was improving greatly. Also, the AI’s autonomous capabilities were beyond what they could have hoped for. It seemed to be developing problem-solving skills much like those of the human brain. The implications were mind-boggling.

Sousuke did his best to follow the report, but found it difficult. It was not uninteresting or unimportant. However, he had gotten very little sleep. His mind kept drifting and his eyes felt heavy. He couldn’t seem to shake the feeling of uneasiness that had settled in his chest. The assignment. His strangely vivid dream. It all weighed very heavily on him. But why? Why would such trivial things unnerve him? Kaname had offered to help him with his presentation. She had seemed concerned and even made him dinner in an effort to cheer him up. Such signs of affection from her would normally turn even his worst mood around, but something kept nagging at him. That dream. That smell. There was something extremely ominous behind it.

Somehow he managed to retain most of the important points of Lemming’s report. He could always re-read the transcripts later when his head was clear if there was anything he’d missed. All that remained was to report to the sick bay for a couple of tests and he’d be on a plane heading home.

On his way out of the briefing room, Commander Kalinin pulled him aside.

“Sergeant, I would like to speak with you if you have a few minutes.”

“Uhh . . . of course, Sir.”

Sousuke followed the older man into his office. He sat rigidly in the chair that was offered to him. He sincerely hoped the Lieutenant Commander had not noticed his inattentiveness at the briefing.

“You seem somewhat preoccupied today, Sergeant, is something bothering you?” Andrey Kalinin seemed more concerned than critical. “I hope you have not been over-extending yourself. I know you have quite a lot of work between your position here and your school assignments.”

Sousuke flinched slightly at his last words. Kalinin caught the reaction.

“Something at school then? Have you been quarreling with Miss Chidori again?”

“No, I . . . It’s nothing like that. It’s . . . It’s not a problem, Sir.”

“I see.” He studied the boy’s face for a minute. “A school assignment?”

Sousuke looked at the floor. That was as clear as an ‘affirmative.’ Andrey nodded knowingly.

“School has been a bit of a struggle for you. That’s to be expected. You didn’t have much time for a formal education growing up. Actually, I think you’re doing surprisingly well given your background. I’m glad to see you get this kind of opportunity. I think it has been good for you to experience something of a normal life. There are things one cannot learn on the battlefield. Some of them very important.”

“So I have come to realize.” Sousuke began to relax a little. The commander was proud of him, and his opinion mattered a great deal to the young man.

“So tell me about the assignment. Perhaps I can give you some advice.”

“Well,” Sousuke tried to find the correct words. “I have been assigned to do some research for my Japanese History course. I am then to prepare a presentation based on that research.”

Kalinin nodded and waited for the boy to continue.

“The difficulty lies in the subject of the research. We are each to give a five to ten minute presentation on our own family’s history and its relevance to the history of Japan.”

Kalinin leaned back in his chair and nodded again. “Yes. Yes, I can see how that would be very troubling for you.”

“Affirmative. Without having the means to discover any of the pertinent information about my family . . . ancestors, the assignment is all but impossible as the instructor has dictated it. Chidori Kaname has suggested that I invent a probable history for myself. Given the circumstances, I believe that is the only course I can take.”

“Perhaps . . .” The commander was thoughtful for a moment, “That would be an acceptable solution, if it is what you would prefer.”

“Sir?”

“Sousuke, you seem to be avoiding the other alternative open to you. I can understand why that might be. There are many things from your past I’m sure you do not like to think about. However, avoiding something does not make it go away. You can only run from yourself for so long. The more you push those things away, the more they will haunt you in the long run. Sometimes it is best to face such fears head on.”

Sousuke’s face was troubled. He sat quiet for several minutes as he considered what Kalinin had said.

“How would I . . . If I decide to do as you suggest, how would I proceed? I remember next to nothing before . . . I don’t even know their names. I . . .”

“October twenty fifth, nineteen eighty seven.”

“Sir?”

“The weather was very bad. A Japanese government plane went down just inside our boarders. All but two on board were killed on impact.”

“Two?”

“A woman and her young son. She was severely injured, but hung on long enough to protect the child. When we found them she was near death. She begged me to save the boy. His name, she said, was Sagara Sousuke. He was only three years old. ”

Sousuke’s eyes were wide in disbelief. “My . . . my mother?”

“She asked me to look after you. My superiors saw you only as a liability. Our government never acknowledged that the plane had been found. There were concerns that the Japanese government would try to blame us for the crash. They would have killed you, but I persuaded them you could be of use. They had started setting up training caps for child assassins, so you were placed in one such program.”

“And I was sent into Afghanistan . . .” Sousuke was putting the pieces together.

“Correct. When I saw you again, you didn’t know me. It wasn’t surprising. I had not been able to visit you often in the youth camp, and several years had passed since you had been sent into that troubled country.”

“You . . . you never told me about . . .” Sousuke trailed off.

“Some things require age and experience for us to put them in proper perspective. Young children are deceptively resilient. They can adapt to most any kind of life without any seeming regret or sense of loss. For example, you stopped asking for your parents after only a few weeks. It is only now that you are grown that you can appreciate what their loss has meant to your life. Even a year ago, I’m not sure this information would have meant the same as it does today. You had to learn the value of human relationships to appreciate such sacrifices. That is one of those truths only your new kind of life can teach you. Perhaps I should have told you all of this before now, but I decided that I should wait for you to come to me. You knew I was among those who found you. This is the first time you’ve shown any sincere interest in that part of your past.”

“I never thought it mattered.” Was that true? Or had he been afraid of learning what he had lost? Sousuke wasn’t really sure.

“I’ve given you all the help I can. It belongs to you now. It is up to you what you do with this information. ”

“I understand. Thank you, sir.” Sousuke was about to salute but instead extended his hand across the desk. Kalinin shook it. A small, proud smile turned up the corners of his mouth.

“You’ve grown into quite a young man, Sagara Sousuke. I trust you will continue to do justice to the confidence I have in you.”

Sousuke left for the sick bay.

“I can only hope I have done justice to the faith your mother placed in me.”