She must think I’ve completely lost my mind. I shouldn’t have called her. It was a stupid, weak move. I have to get a hold on this. I’m becoming even more of a problem for her. I can’t have that . . . But she did say she wanted me to come over. It was her idea. Does she really think someone is trying to get into her apartment? Did my irrational fear rub off on her? I can’t trust my own judgment right now. Maybe she did hear a noise. It would be an amazing coincidence, but if there is any chance . . . I need to get going.
He walked quickly to the bathroom and ran some cold water in the sink to rinse off his face.
Cold water . . . cold rain . . . wet earth . . . blood . . .
“Enough!” He shook his head quickly, trying to shake off the haunting images.
His reflection looked exhausted. Dark circles had formed under his bloodshot eyes. His hair was more disheveled than usual. He put his whole head under the running tap. When he stood back up, water ran in little rivers down his shoulders. He grabbed his towel and walked quickly into the bedroom.
After changing his shirt and running a comb through his hair, he made his way towards the front door, stopping to grab his phone from the table and his pistol from where he had dropped it in the hall. With one more deep breath, he put on his jacket and headed out the door.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sousuke took longer to get to Kaname’s apartment than she had expected. She had time to brush her hair, brush her teeth, and even change out of her pajamas before she heard the familiar knock. She sprinted over the hardwood floor, slid to a stop in front of the foyer, and jumped down to the door. Sousuke’s nervousness must have been contagious. Her pulse had gone up a bit. She was worried.
“Sousuke . . .” the instant she cracked the door, he slipped into the foyer, gun drawn.
“Have you heard anything else since I spoke to you?” He quickly moved to the window facing the street and checked through the side of the curtains. He was on high alert.
“No, I didn’t really . . .”
“Then perhaps they saw me approaching. Stay away from the windows. I’ll check the apartment carefully and then go check the perimeter . . .” Yes, he was definitely in full military mode now. She had to put an end to this fast.
“Sousuke, stop!”
He froze and stared at here, “I cannot do that. Your safety is at stake. Someone could be attempting to abduct you . . .”
“Sousuke, no one is trying to abduct me!” She corrected herself, “Not right now, anyway, so just stop.”
“But you said . . .”
“I know what I said. I was lying. I was worried that . . .”
“Chidori, in the interest of your safety, I would prefer that you did not make such false reports in the future. I need to know when a threat is real. I can’t be second guessing . . .”
“Me making false reports?! What was with that phone call, then? Don’t get all high and mighty on me when you’re the one who called me at two in the morning with some bogus story about noises in the street!”
“That was . . .”
“Didn’t you do it?”
“But you . . .”
“Tell me I’m wrong!”
“I . . .” He was stuck. He couldn’t deny what she said. She was right. He was the one who was being dishonest. But he couldn’t tell her why he’d called. He couldn’t tell her he was afraid to be alone. What would she think of him?
“Sousuke, what’s wrong?! Pleases, just tell me!” She grabbed him by his arms and looked straight into his eyes. “I’m worried about you. You’re acting really weird. Please, what’s going on?”
He stared back at her, mouth open, unable to speak. He wanted to collapse on the floor. He wanted to run out of the room. He wanted to tell her about what had happened. He wanted to pull her to him and hold her.
But he couldn’t.
“Sousuke, don’t you trust me?” Her words were pained. Sousuke’s chest tightened. He forced himself to speak.
“Yes. Of course I trust you. I’m just . . . I don’t know what to say.” He couldn’t meet her eyes anymore. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My mind is all screwed up. I can’t tell if I’m dreaming or not. I think I’m starting to remember things . . .”
“What kinds of things?” Kaname gently lead him to the couch. He didn’t look like he could keep standing like that much longer.
“I . . . I don’t know. Bad things. Horrible things. From when I was little. From when my parents . . . how they . . . I keep having these vivid nightmares about . . . There’s this terrible smell and a lot of blood and rain. . . I can’t seem to . . .”
Kaname silently put her hand on his. The gesture gave him a bit more strength. He took a deep breath and started again.
“I went to the library this evening to work on my history project. I had intended to do some research on life in different periods of Japan, as you suggested, but I wound up in the archive room. Commander Kalinin had given me some information this afternoon that I had to follow up on. I found this.” He pulled a folded piece of copy paper from his jacket pocket and handed it to Kaname, still not able to look at her.
“What is it?” She unfolded the paper. It was a photocopy of a newspaper article. The title read ‘Government Plane Vanishes Over Russian Soil, All on Board Presumed Dead.’ She looked at him. He nodded and she began to read.
“Sousuke, you . . .” She didn’t know what to say.Government sources have reported that a small jet carrying five members of the House of Councillors as well as several diplomats, staff and family members, went missing some time late Sunday afternoon. Though it cannot be confirmed, it is believed that the plane was forced down somewhere inside Soviet territory. At this point, the Russian government vehemently denies any knowledge of the crash, and, as such, there has been no word of possible survivors.
The nature of the visit is yet unclear. The government has stated that it was a diplomatic mission, but nothing more can be known. The incident has been listed as classified and it seems unlikely that the general public will be given any further information.
Several well known figures are among those reported missing. One is Councillor Yaji, a popular advocate for bettering international trade relation. Also believed on board is Takiyama Kenji, a renowned diplomat who was also highly involved in international trade issues. More surprising is Sagara Mayumi, a photojournalist and photographic artist. She is believed to have been on the flight along with her husband, a well respected political adviser to Takiyama-san, and their three year old son, Sousuke . . .
He nodded heavily, pulled out a second piece of paper, and handed it to her. It was another short article about the plane crash. It confirmed that no survivors had been found and listed all those that had been lost. Kaname’s eyes locked on the one familiar name.
“I . . . I never knew your birthday was in September . . .” She smiled half-heartedly. It was an odd observation to make at that moment, but it was all she could come up with.[. . .]
Sagara Souji, 6/16/59 to 10/25/87
Sagara Mayumi, 2/28/61 to 10/25/87
Sagara Sousuke, 9/15/84 to 10/25/87
“Neither did I.”
“You didn’t know your own birthday?” Kaname stared at him in disbelief, but when she though about it a minute, it made perfect sense. How would he have known? It was amazing he knew as much as he did.
“Commander Kalinin has always marked my age by the middle of October. I believe it is listed as October twenty-fifth in my student records. I never knew the significance of the date before now. He was the one who . . . found me.”
He went on to tell her what Kalinin had passed on to him the previous afternoon. She listened attentively. A large tear rolled down her cheek when he told her about his mother’s final actions. When he finished with his story, they both sat silent for many minutes until Sousuke finally spoke again.
“Chidori, you were very close to your mother, correct?”
“Yes, I was.”
“What was she like?”
Kaname’s heart broke a little. Sousuke had never asked her about that kind of thing before. She knew what the question really meant. He wanted to know what his mother had been like. She thought carefully about how to answer. She really didn’t talk much about what she had gone through when her mother died. It had been a horrible time in her life and she tried not to think about it. But she would try now.
“She was . . . amazing. Really, she took care of all of us, my sister, my dad, and me. Even when she was sick, she still looked after us. And she was so kind and warm. It was like she knew exactly what to do to make you feel better. She would do all these little things to make us happy like cook us special meals and treats or put notes in our lunches. And she was really strong. She never broke down when things got difficult. Even when she was . . . when she had cancer, she never got scared or angry. She was sad, but she still tried to make me feel better about it. She comforted me even thought she was the one who was . . . dying.”
“So she was a lot like you.”
Kaname stared at him. How could someone who was always so clueless about people and emotions say something like that? It was like something out of a romantic movie, not her life. Had she heard him right? Did he really mean what he said?
“Sousuke . . .”
“You’re very fortunate to have such memories. I wish I had some of that kind. Military training is not something one can look back on with much warmth. It may have been practical and has, no doubt, saved my life many times, but I find myself somewhat lacking in other areas as a result. I am not good with normal people. My own emotions confuse me more than anything. I am unsure how to deal with the feelings that all of this has brought to the surface. I am . . . I don’t know how to explain it. I’m sorry, I am not good at expressing myself. I cannot help envying you your memories, Chidori. The only thing I’m able to remember about my parents is their deaths. I cannot even be sure I remember that. The past few nights I have been having dreams about it. At least, I believe that is what it is.”
“Is that why you called me? You were scared because of what you were remembering?”
“I . . . I should not have called you. I do not know why I did that. I should not have involved you in my personal problems. I’m sure it is a great inconvenience. I . . .”
“Don’t say that, Sousuke.” She didn’t sound disgusted, but he couldn’t believe she didn’t think as poorly of him now as he did himself.
“I don’t wish you to lose you faith in my ability to protect you. However, if I am this weak, perhaps I am not . . .” She didn’t let him finish. He was struck dumb when she suddenly wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pressed her head under his chin.
“Stop, please. Don’t say that. I’m glad you called me. You don’t have to be strong all the time. You’re human, Sousuke. After everything, I owe you at least this much, don’t I?”
“Chidori, I . . .” He didn’t know what to do or say. He hadn’t expected anything like this reaction. She seemed happy that he was being weak. It didn’t make any sense. He sat like that for several minutes before he finally lifted his arms to return her embrace.
The affect was amazing. The tension in his body began to relax. His pulse slowed. His breathing deepened. After a while, Kaname felt his hold on her begin to loosen. When she carefully sat back up, she saw that he had fallen asleep. Warm feelings swelled in her. She quietly walked to the linen closet, retrieved a blanket, and tenderly lay it over the sleeping boy.
“Goodnight, Sagara Sousuke.”
