FullMetal*Panic!

Chapter 1: The Nightmare Begins

Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Panic or the game that some of the story elements are based off of, which is the 1995 Acclaim horror game “D”.

January 15,2006
A lab somewhere in the pacific…

Three figures are observing a person in a glass tube. They’re talking to each other about their findings and observations at the images being shown on the computer below the tube. Suddenly, it wakes up and starts pounding on the glass. The figures are panicking.

“What should we do?” One of them asked.

“Try another electric shock.” The other said.

One of them put their hand on the button that sent an electric shock to their subject, an electric shock that was hopefully powerful enough to knock her out. However, a nearby window broke and in came a tall man with black/brown colored hair. He then got his gun ready and pointed it one of the figures.

“Let her go now or I will shoot you.” He said.

“Who are you?” One of the figures asked.

“Hey wait, I think I know him. He’s…” One of the others said.

“Sgt. Sousuke Sagara” Sousuke responded.

One of them ran off while the others tried to fight him.

Sousuke eventually defeated both of them and had the surviving one free their subject.

Not wanting to face any more attacks from this guy, he followed Sousuke’s orders.

Soon, the person in the glass tube was free, Sousuke ran up to her.

“Kaname, Are You O.K? What did they do?” Sousuke asked her.

“I guess, they sent me some electric shocks and that’s all I remember.” Kaname replied.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” Sousuke said grabbing Kaname’s hand and turning towards the exit.

They almost made it to the door when Sousuke got hit in the back with something sharp and painful. He kneeled down and clenched his teeth in pain. He then grabbed his gun and shot the figure that hit him.

“SOUSUKE! Are you O.K.?” Kaname asked him worriedly.

“Yeah, Just a little pain on my back.” He replied.

Kaname then pulled what looked like a very small shot out of Sousuke’s back and helped him walk out of the lab.

…

…

…

February 23, 2006
Tokyo, Japan
2:15 AM

One night while Sousuke was sleeping in his bed, He heard a voice.

“Sousuke…Sousuke.” It said.

“Sousuke...Sousuke Wake up!” It continued.

“Huh?” He said to himself as he woke up

“Sousuke.” It said.

“Is somebody there?” He asked himself.

“Sousuke!” It yelled.

“What is it?” Sousuke yelled.

“Listen to me, Sousuke.” It said.

“Who are you?” Sousuke Yelled.

“I am you, Sousuke. Now listen to me, Go look out the window.” It said.

“Why?” He asked.

“JUST DO WHAT I SAY!” It yelled.

Sousuke walked over to his window and looked out at the buildings around his apartment.

“Yeah?” Sousuke asked.

“You see all those people who live out there?” The voice asked.

“No, Everything’s dark and their probably asleep.” Sousuke said.

“I Meant Figuratively!” The voice yelled.

“Yeah, I see them.” Sousuke replied.

“Have you noticed how they don’t like you at all? How they despise you? How uncaring they are to you?” The voice asked in an evil tone.

“No.” Sousuke said.

“Did you ever think they were the reason you never knew your parents?” The voice asked.

“Yeah Sometimes.” Sousuke replied.

“Have you ever wanted to get revenge and kill one OR ALL of them?” The voice asked.

“NO! Why Would I do such a thing?” Sousuke asked.

“Oh ho ho, you will now.” The voice said.

“What?!” Sousuke asked.

“Go get your gun.” The voice said.

“NO!” Sousuke yelled.

“DO IT!” The voice yelled.

“NO! I won’t do it!” Sousuke yelled.

“SOUSUKE, YOU WILL DO IT AND YOU WILL DO IT NOW!” The voice yelled louder.

“NO! NEVER!” Sousuke yelled as he put his hands on his head and fell to his knees.

“SOUSUKE!!! I WILL MAKE YOU DO IT IF YOU DON’T DO IT YOURSELF!” The Voice yelled even louder.

“NO!” Sousuke yelled. He then got up and ran to his phone. He dialed Kaname’s number and hoped she would pick up.

“Hello…” Kaname answered in a sleepy tone of voice.

“Kaname?” Sousuke asked.

“SOUSUKE?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?!” She yelled, thinking he was just being an overprotective moron again.

“Kaname, I need your help. I think there’s something in my apartment.” Sousuke asked in a sort of panicked tone.

“Sousuke? Are You O.K.? Is something wrong?” Kaname, who was now getting worried, asked him.

“Kaname, I…” Sousuke tried to say before gagging.

“Sousuke?! Is something wrong?” Kaname asked worriedly.

“NO! PLEASE! LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON’T WANT TO DO IT! NO!!!!!” was what she heard from Sousuke’s end.

This was followed by blood-curdling screams of both Anger and Terror.

“SOUSUKE! SOUSUKE! Are you still there?! SOUSUKE!!!!” Kaname yelled.

No response.

Suddenly, a voice came on.

“KANAME CHIDORI. I WILL KILL YOU!” it said in an evil tone before leaving the phone unattended.

“Sousuke?” Kaname asked quietly.

She then heard more screams of terror, this time from a woman nearby.

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” The woman yelled.

A gun was fired at least 5 times and then there was dead silence.

Kaname hung up and started to cry.

“*Why? Why did say he was going to kill me? Why did he kill that other woman? *” She thought

She was extremely scared.

Hmmm... Ritalin... Anyway Good job XD NOW KILL SOUSUKE KILL!!!

Oh MY *Insert Deity of your choice here*

That was very interesting. An aggressive, insanely psychotic Sousuke. Redundant choice of words, but true.

I am seriously trying to wrap my brain around that one. I'm not joking. My head is on the computer as I type.

It's good. Very good!
Just so very different from what I normally read.

Ok, I have to see more of this.
Now!
Haiyaku!

Chapter 2!

Kaname just stood there scared for a few minutes.

"How did this happen?" She thought.

"Why did Sousuke suddenly crack like that?" She asked herself.

Suddenly, The phone rang again.

She picked hoping it was Sousuke saying that he was O.K.

But instead, "Hello....Kaname?" A little voice said.

"Joshi, is that you?" Kaname asked.

"Kaname, I'm scared." Joshi, who on the verge of tears, said.

"Calm down now pal. What's happening?" Kaname asked him.

"My Mommy got shot and...." Joshi was interrupted by his father's yells of terror.

"JOSHI, HURRY UP HE'S COMING! HIDE IN THE CLOSET!" His father yelled.

"But Dad..." Joshi tried to say.

"Joshi, You need to do this. GO!" His father told him.

"Can I have your Cell Phone to talk to her?" Joshi asked.

"NO. He'll Hear you! Look, I'm trying to protect you pal and..." Joshi's dad was interrupted by Sousuke who yelled down the hall in the same evil voice he used with Kaname, "I KNOW YOU'RE UP HERE, SO GIVE UP. YOUR
DEMISE IS INEVITABLE!"

"GO!" Joshi's Father yelled.

Joshi ran and left the phone hanging.

Kaname tried to listen in on what was happening but was disconnected.

This scared her even more.

Meanwhile, at Joshi's apartment.

Joshi heard a knock on the closet door.

"Who's there?" He asked.

"It's me." His father said.

Joshi opened the door and let him in.

"Thanks Son!" His father said.

Sousuke had found their apartment and destroyed with an explosive.

"I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE!" His evil voice yelled.

Joshi and father stood still in the closet.

"WHEN I FIND YOU, YOU'LL SUFFER THE SAME DEMISE AS YOUR WIFE! THE ONE WHO HATED ME SO MUCH!" The Evil voice yelled.

Sousuke looked everywhere for them but couldn't find them.

" Sousuke, look! A closet! They're probably in there!" The voice that was controlling him said.

Sousuke walked over to the closet and opened the door to find Joshi and his father standing in there behind the clothes that were on the rack.

"THERE YOU ARE!" The evil voice yelled.

To Be Continued...

EDIT:

Author's Note: "Joshi(Joe-she)" is actually my creative rendition of the American Name "Josh". The person I named "Joshi" after is the host of the Podcast (Radio Show) "Josh In Japan" that is hosted by a guy named "Josh".

"AAAAAH!" Joshi screamed as Sousuke stood there with menacing look on his face.

"NOW,IT'S TIME TO TAKE CARE OF YOU TWO!" Sousuke yelled as he pulled out his gun and pointed it at Joshi and his father.

His father then jumped on Sousuke and started punching him.

"JOSHI, go call the police!" His father said.

"Right!" Joshi said.

To Be Continued...

Sousuke would mess up some kid's dad if he tried to jump on him and punch him.

The idea is interesting enough, but your use of capitalization and punctuation is a little choppy. A lot of the dialog feels kind of unnatural too. Otherwise it isn't too bad. It just needs to be polished a little.

Hey guys! I wrote an update this weekend, Enjoy!

Sousuke then grabbed the next fist that was about to land on his face, and held it with the father moaning in pain. After which, Sousuke pointed a gun at the father’s face and said, “NOBODY CAN SAVE YOU NOW!”

He then pulled the trigger and watched that kid’s dad fall dead on the floor, bleeding from the bullet wound.

“Good job! Now to take care of the kid!” The voice said.

“Right.” Sousuke replied before snapping out of it.

“Geez, What happened?” He asked himself.

Joshi came back up and screamed at the site of his father on the floor.

“Oh, Hey Joshi. How are…” Sousuke asked him.

“NO! PLEASE DON’T KILL ME!” Joshi yelled in a worried tone.

“What? But…” Sousuke said.

Joshi then ran off toward the door with tears flying from his face.
“ Why would I kill him?” Sousuke asked himself.

“BECAUSE I TOLD YOU TOO! NOW GO!” The voice said.

“Hey! Who are you?! SHOW YOURSELF!” Sousuke yelled as he held his gun at a ready position.

“Geez, You never learn do you. I AM YOU, SOUSUKE!” The voice said.

“But... I’m not a murderer like you are.” Sousuke replied.

“Oh come on! Look at that guy on the floor.” The voice said.

Sousuke looked at the dead guy on the floor and was shocked beyond belief at what he saw.

“ You…You mean, I did this?” Sousuke asked in shock.

“ Yep, You’re going to do it again!” The voice said.

“NO! NEVER!” Sousuke yelled.

“OH YES!” the voice yelled as he took control of Sousuke again.

“Now GO GET THAT KID!” The voice commanded.

“YES, I WILL!” Sousuke said in a deep, creepy voice.