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[FIC] Dinner and Dessert 2 of 4 - Romance. Comedy.

Posted: Fri May 02, 2003 9:22 pm
by blackrose
Dinner and Dessert
By the Black Rose

A Full Metal Panic! Fanfiction

AN: I do quote from the series in this. My apologies for a longer wait. The remaining 2 chapters aren't far behind, depending on the schedule of my beta reader. My apologies if this seems a bit hurried along in places. I tried. *sigh*

Thanks for reading! Love, Rose



Chapter 2 – Dinner in three courses: Love, lust, and lime


Alpha zero zero foxtrot MIKE PAPA one. Sousuke typed the password into the ftp program and gained access to Sergeant Mao's encrypted team site. The information contained, however, was unusual for his typical mission assignments. He read over the list again.

"The Biology of Love, a dissertation by Professor Y. Byrd. The Secret to Safe Sex, and 101 Ways to Satisfy Your Lover by S. F. Catz. Selected romantic scenes from movies including Gone with the Wind, The Bodyguard, An Officer and a Gentleman, and Blind Target by Sgt. M. Mao. Selected passages on romantic feelings from literature classics by Sgt. M. Mao."

Sousuke sighed and hit the download button. It was going to take all night to get through all this material. Then, he'd have the rest of the day to pack up the equipment, ship it back to mainland HQ, and then figure out how he felt about Kaname in order to complete his mission.

"NO NO NO NO! Girls do not want to have love compared to a mission!"

Love? Did he love Kaname? He choked on the rush of air that seemed to clog his lungs. He'd never used the word, nor had anyone said it to him. But it was more than a word; it was a feeling. Would he know it if he felt it? Is that what she feels? Does she love me?

The thought warmed his skin, though he hadn't realized he was cold. He frowned as the progress bar continued to inch across the screen. His eyes wandered around the room, then stopped on the set of windows that looked out onto Kaname's apartment. The rooms seemed mostly dark, except for a faint light that crept through the corner of the blinds in what he knew was... the bedroom.

"I care about him."

"...I want to know that he feels the same way about me. I don't want to just...seduce him."


The world spun underneath him - like there wasn't enough oxygen in the room, or the air was somehow bereft of what his body needed to stay conscious and alive. Why did the word 'seduce' seem to do that to him? Did he want to be seduced by Kaname?

Her hand came up to caress his face, and he felt himself relax into her touch. He couldn't remember a time when someone else had connected with him in such a way.

"You said to believe you a while ago. That's why I trusted you. I thought that as long as you were here with me, I would be able to endure all this. So please... let's go back together."


"Kaname...."
*******************************************************
Sousuke blinked at the travel clock. Eleven forty-eight. He had slept exactly.... Seven minutes. He banged his head on the desk. He still had no idea what he was going to tell her.

Over the last few hours he had had read, and watched, and read, and thought, and... He came back to the same place again and again.

He cared. He liked being with her. He was unhappy without her. But... Something deeper? Something permanent? He knew he wasn't qualified, nor in a good position to make a commitment. He was an agent of Mithril, and could die on any number of dangerous missions. So, stray thoughts about an emotional attachment or Kaname Chidori's physical attractiveness had long been buried and dismissed as unacceptable.

Sousuke frowned when a wave of nausea hit his stomach once again. Despite his best efforts to get his mind off the images that his brain had conjured from the 101 ways to satisfy your lover, it was a battle he was losing. He leapt from his chair and ran to the toilet just in time to heave the last of his dinner from the night before.

Sousuke lay his head on the cool porcelain of the tub, one thought still repeating, torturing him through it all.

"I can't believe I drank from one of those things."

*******************************************************

Kaname adjusted the strap on her dress and fidgeted with her hair. Her fingers smoothed a few wayward strands that just would NOT stay in place. They sprung back into their askew state, and she glared at them in the mirror before grabbing a bottle of hairspray. She wanted the night to be...perfect. After all, a girl's first time was supposed to be special.

Melissa laughed. "Oh, I don't think any man would mind just being seduced. But I know that's not what you're after. And from what I know about Sousuke, I doubt he'd let it happen unless he returns your feelings. He's not like some other men I know."

"Kurz," Kaname said and rolled her eyes. The guy was apparently harmless, but there were times she had her doubts.

Sousuke's not like that. He's sweet - when he's not being Sergeant Clueless.

She smiled when she thought of the confused expression that so frequently graced his features. He really could be adorable sometimes. But then... Kaname sighed. Her mouth turned downwards. He wore that serious expression so much more often.

"Kaname, you're not a burden. Don't you remember how many times you helped me? I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. So, please don't say you'll be all right on your own."

But what did that mean? He'd said things before that made her think he cared about her, but then they'd always turned out...wrong. Like the invitation to the southern islands. Kaname blushed as she remembered the bikini she had bought for what she had hoped would be a romantic getaway.

"He promised nothing weird. Then we jumped out of an airplane and swam underwater to a submarine. I don't think it GETS weirder than that." The girl shook her head and then set about dusting her face with some loose powder. She traced a light layer of mascara onto her lashes and found her favorite shade of lipstick. But one question still plagued her mind:

How did the elusive Mithril sergeant really feel?

********************************************************

Sousuke stacked the last of the equipment by the door and surveyed the empty apartment. He still had to go downstairs, hand in the key, pay the remaining balance on the lease and sign the papers. It really should have been Melissa's job, technically, since she was the one in charge of the mission, but the Major had given the assignment to him.

"Sgt. Sagara, step into my office for a moment." Kalinin caught Sousuke passing by the Major's door on his way to his quarters.

"Yes sir." The Mithril sergeant did as he requested and with a nod from Kalinin, shut the door behind him.

"Sit down."

Sousuke sat in the chair across from the Major's desk, keeping his spine straight and rigid despite the Major's more relaxed posture. The older man sank back into his seat and folded his hands over one knee.

"This mission was extremely difficult, I know."

"Yes sir."

"Despite those difficulties, you accomplished the objective. Commendable."

"Thank you sir."

"At ease." Sousuke shifted a bit, but couldn't decide quite what constituted 'at ease' when one was already sitting down. He went back to his original position and waited for his superior to continue.

"Sergeant, due to the nature of the mission, and your lack of experience in this area..."

"Major?"

The grey-haired man rested his hand on a file. "You've not had a normal upbringing."

"No sir."

"That's part of the reason I chose you for this assignment. I wanted you to see what it was you were missing."

Sousuke blinked at the officer on the other side of the desk. "I don't understand."

"Sergeant Sagara, you spent several months, for the first time, interacting with young people your age in a normal school environment. I was hoping you might have come away having learned some lessons."

His mouth felt suddenly dry and he swallowed hard. He couldn't help but think of her. "Yes. There is always something to be learned from any mission."

"What personal lessons did you learn, Sousuke? Speak freely."


Knuckles rapped loudly on the door, startling him from his recollection. Sousuke moved to open it.

"Hello! Sign here, please?" The snub-nosed delivery man shoved an order form at the Mithril agent.

"What is it?"

"It's a delivery from Men's Formalwear, ummmm," he flipped the clipboard around. "It says a Melissa Mao placed the order first thing this morning. An emergency. I had to push back several deliveries, but the lady was payin for it. You got an important date tonight with her or what?"

"Uh, no." Sousuke scribbled on the line and took the plastic-wrapped charcoal suit from the man's hands.

"Too bad. And here I was hoping someone was gonna score after all this trouble. Later." The man wiggled his eyebrows and nudged Sousuke in the ribs, then turned away and disappeared down the hallway.

Sousuke shook his head and stared at the item in his hands. Suit? Score? This was getting more complicated by the second.

********************************************************

Sousuke eyed Kaname's apartment door and shifted the roses in his arms. His hand froze at his side, unable or unwilling to knock. He'd already loosened his tie several times on the way to his destination, but he was still having trouble breathing.

A bead of sweat trickled down the side of his face and he smoothed a few damp locks of hair away from his eyes. Why was this so difficult? He set his jaw and with a small grunt, heaved his balled fist up to rap his knuckles on the door.

A mouse could have knocked louder. The Mithril sergeant swallowed and tapped again. It was probably audible. Maybe. He sighed and sagged against the door, resting his forehead on its cool surface.

It's Kaname. A voice reasoned in his mind. She wants to do something special... He clenched his eyes shut and tried not to remember her voice and...THAT word.

"I want to seduce him."

Sousuke grit his teeth and banged his head. Dammit. Bang! Stop thinking about it. Bang! Bang! Ba--

Air swooshed around his head and his eyes flew open. He stumbled forward with his momentum, and crashed right into the object of his thoughts.

"Ow, Sousuke!" Kaname's arms went around him to prevent his fall. Sousuke quickly righted himself, and reeled back from her embrace.

"Sorry about the door. I, uh, tripped."

She sighed and tilted her head to one side. "I wonder about you sometimes. I really do."

The Mithril sergeant blinked. He had no idea what that meant. Sousuke cleared his throat and handed her the flowers.

"These are fire and ice roses. I brought them for you, Kaname."

A smile blossomed as she took them into her arms. The young woman cradled the blooms and bent to inhale their fragrance. When she looked up at him again, her brown eyes danced and he felt the temperature of the room increase.

"Thank you, Sousuke. They're beautiful."

"Yes. They are of a rare and conflicting beauty."

"Special?"

"Yes. Special."

"Thank you." Kaname turned and led him farther into the apartment. The space was filled with the warm smells of the dinner she was preparing and the flowery scent of her perfume. Sousuke started after her, hardly conscious that he had willed his legs to move. They seemed to want to follow her all on their own.

"I'm glad you like them."

She beamed, and he felt his shoulders relax. "Dinner is almost ready. Take a seat. I'll put these in some water and be right back." She moved away and headed towards the kitchen. It was then that he registered just what she was wearing: a long black dress cut down to her waist in the back, and had to be held up with some sort of invisible string. He bit his lip to keep his jaw from dropping. She stopped and glanced back over her shoulder, brown eyes staring up at him from beneath lowered lashes, and asked: "Can I get you something to drink?"

"No. Thank you. I'm fine."

She smiled again and continued into the kitchen, her rear bobbing slightly from side to side as she moved. When she turned the corner, he caught just a glimpse of one long leg through the slit in the side of the skirt.

The thought appeared out of nowhere, and he had no idea what exactly brought it on...

I'm ready for dessert.


Four more trips across the living room later - each one replete with shots of her leg as the Mithril agent realized there were two slits in the dress: one on either side and cut all the way up to her thigh – he was safely sitting in a chair, a fragrant meal already served and on the table. He had to admit, he was hungry.

Sousuke tasted the dish in front of him and lifted his eyes to meet hers.

"How..how is it?"

He nodded. "It is very good."

Kaname smiled. "I'm glad."

Sousuke swallowed hard. She was still looking at him. "I have had many people cook for me, but none have made meals like this."

Kaname raised an eyebrow. "Many...people cook?"

"Yes. On the Danaan, and before that time, there have been many cooks to prepare our meals. But nothing as good as this."

She giggled.

"What?" The Mithril agent frowned.

"You're just...so...serious all the time!"

Laughter wasn't safe. Especially since those invisible strings that were supposed to be holding up her dress had apparently loosened. The fabric shifted over her chest, revealing...

He ducked his head and tried to focus his attention on eating the rest of his dinner.


The meal over, Kaname took Sousuke's arm and led him over to the couch. He seated himself on the edge, staring

straight ahead, and trying not to notice how close she sat down next to him.

"Sousuke?"

"What is it?" He turned and locked his eyes on hers.

She blushed and glanced down at the floor. "Ummmmm...."

He waited. A few seconds passed. She chewed her lip and her hands clutched at the fabric of her skirt. Kaname took a deep breath. "When...when you first came to our school..."

Sousuke frowned and tilted his head. She wouldn't look at him.

"I...I thought you were..."

Were what? Normal, nice, mean...?

"Attractive."

The Mithril Sergeant raised his eyebrows. Unexpected...

"But then..." The muscles of her smooth shoulders tensed and she turned her body away from his. "The more you followed me around, I began to feel like...."

He found himself leaning forward in his seat, unconsciously drawing nearer with every word she spoke. Sousuke tensed and sat up.

"...you were an annoying, gloomy, militaristic klutz who completely made me and my life miserable."

The Mithril Sergeant choked. She finally faced him, her brown eyes wide and glossy in the overhead lighting. He couldn't look at them.

"But..."

There's a but.

"Then I realized, it wasn't you that made me miserable. It was me. I...Oh, I don't know Sousuke. Everything...everything's been crazy since I met you. And maybe it's because of the craziness, or maybe I've finally lost my mind, but...I." Her hand came up to rest on his arm and he met her eyes again.. She held his gaze while she finished.

"I-I've come to...care for you. Very much." Her head bowed. "As-as more than a friend."

Sousuke blinked. She cared. About him... His hands balled into fists in his lap and he felt the cold sweat return and trickle down his back. How do I feel? What do I say? The only thing that came to mind was: "Thank you."

Her shoulders slumped, and her head ducked lower. Her voice was barely a whisper. "You...you don't care for me at all..."

"No. That's not the truth."

Her head snapped up. A tear coursed down the side of her flushed cheek. The sight jabbed a sharp point in his chest and the sergeant found it difficult to breathe. "S-Sousuke?"

"Kaname, I..." Each word felt slow and painful as he forced them from his mouth. "I tried. I tried all night to figure this out, and I studied essays and stared at diagrams and watched Rhet kiss Scarlet and I still don't know."

"Know what? You can tell me...."

"How I feel. I-I do care about you. I just..."

Kaname's voice was still low, but much more even. "You thought about it all night?"

He nodded. "Yes. I got very little sleep. And the only thing I could figure out..."

"Yes?"

"Was that.... When you smile, I...things, anything seems possible. And when you cry..." He reached out and wiped away the tear with his thumb. She shut her eyes and seemed to lean into his touch. "I hate myself. And I want to do everything I can to make it right."

"Sousuke...." Her eyes opened and she peered up at him; a smile slowly overtook her features. "I love you, too." She surged forward and pressed her lips against his.

He froze; her mouth nibbled at his. After a few seconds, she pulled back just inches; when she spoke, her mouth still brushed against his.

"Sousuke, it would help if you kissed back."

The Mithril Sargeant took a deep breath and leaned closer to capture her lips. She sank into the cushions behind her as he sealed his mouth against hers. A brief moment passed, and Kaname broke away, her chest heaving.

"I don't need mouth to mouth resuscitation! It's a kiss! My first one.... Sousuke, this is so unromantic." She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. He felt the lines form on his forehead.

"Sorry. I guess I don't understand what you mean by a kiss."

"It's, well....You're too tense. Stand up."

Sousuke obeyed her order. Kaname gained her feet at the same time and turned to face him.

"Come here."

He took a step forward, placing them mere inches from one another. He kept his head high as he stared at a point beyond her. It took him a minute to realize she was untying his tie.

"Kaname?"

"These clothes have to go. You need to relax."

Sousuke swallowed against a hard lump that had formed in his throat. She did say seduce... He felt his cheeks grow warm, but he didn't stop her. She removed his tie and started on the buttons of his jacket. He remained frozen, not daring to move.

She pressed closer. He could feel the softness of a certain portion of her body up against his as she peeled away his suit jacket from her position in front of him.

"You looked so handsome in it," she said in a whisper. Her hands began to work the fasteners on the collar of his white shirt. The air was growing steadily hotter.

"There, now, sit back down." She hadn't taken off his dress shirt, just halfway opened it, revealing the white, cotton fabric of his undershirt. Sousuke complied with her command.

Kaname sat facing him. Her long, trim legs were tucked to the side and crossed loosely at the ankle. She was watching her dinner companion, a small frown on her face. "Is something wrong?"

He blinked then slowly shook his head.

"Do...Do you not want to kiss me?"

"I-I'm sorry," he said. "I'm just not trained in this type of situation."

Her face broke out into a smile. She lowered her head and then peered up at him. An image from the sexual positions book appeared in his mind and he shifted a bit in his seat.

"Then I guess I'll just have to train you."

His eyes widened. "But, I--"

She stared at him and jabbed a finger into his chest. "Do you want to kiss me or not?"

Sousuke nodded. "If it is that important to you, then I should learn."

"What about what you want?"

"I don't know. I've spent my whole life as a soldier. Feelings of this nature... There was no room or time to experience them."

She nodded slowly and let her hand fall loosely into his. "I'm sorry."

"There's no need for you to apologize. If anything I should be the one saying I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I...I guess I've been asking, expecting too much of you. But, I can teach you how to kiss me."

He nodded and squared his shoulders, addressing her in a clipped, militaristic tone. "Good. I am ready to learn."

Her lips twitched up into a grin and she stifled a laugh.

"I'm being too serious again."

She patted his arm. "It's cute. All right, well, close your eyes."

Sousuke frowned. "But--"

"You're not questioning orders are you?"

His eyes clamped shut. She giggled again and her soothing voice washed over him. "Relax.... You close your eyes so that your sight doesn't distract you from what you're feeling."

Her hand came up and cupped his cheek; the softness of her palm was cooler than his skin. He felt fingers at the base of his neck, combing through the short strands of hair they found there. His shoulders loosened, and a gentle pressure nudged his head forward and lower. Heat swept over his face and then the tiniest spark of electricity burnt his lips. His body jerked, and his eyes flew open. Kaname was staring at him, only millimeters away.

"Sousuke..." She leaned forward, and he shut his eyes again. This time, soft petals pressed more firmly against his mouth. He attempted to mimic her movements, catching her top lip and gently biting back. Her other arm slid around his neck, and she pressed closer. The Mithril Sergeant felt his lungs protest, and realized he wasn't breathing. He broke away, heaving for air.

Kaname panted and her complexion turned pink. It seemed kissing was difficult for taking in the necessary amount of air. His pulse raced, and the room seemed uncomfortably cold compared to when she had her arms around him. He glanced at her and she smiled, then drew him into another kiss.

****************************************************
He was responding.... His full, warm lips caressed and sucked at her own; Sousuke's entire body leaned forward, pressing into hers, pushing Kaname backwards onto the couch. She let herself down slowly into a lying position - not wanting to break the growing fervor of his kiss.

Sousuke's mouth left hers and trailed down her chin to her neck. She hugged him tighter and inclined her neck to grant him better access. Amazingly, he took the hint and continued to lavish his attention on the sensitive flesh.

The world spun even beneath her closed lids. Warmth soaked into her skin wherever he touched her, igniting a slow-burning fire in her veins. She wanted to be closer to him, and was amazed at how quickly he caught on to kissing... And even though it was a strangely sinful feeling to indulge this attraction and affection she held for the very masculine body hovering above her, she was comfortable with the gradual way he was provoking this... Desire....

He lowered himself and settled more of his weight on top of her, as if testing the waters. Sousuke brought his mouth back up to cover her own. His kiss was hard, close to bruising, and she was teetering on the edge. Her hands roved over the material still clinging to his chest. She wanted to rip off his clothes, feel his hands on her body. Her blood warmed to a slow, rolling boil.

"Sousuke..." His name escaped in a low moan. He stilled above her and she wrenched her heavy eyes open.

He licked his lips. She could feel the heat of his breath on her neck. "I...I should stop."

All Kaname could manage was a mumble. "No. Don't..."

Sousuke pulled away and sat up, back into a pose that spoke of being just short of 'at attention'.

"I should go."

"Sousuke....You...you don't have to go." She lifted herself onto her elbows in time to see him turn away.

"This is...Not why I am here. My mission--"

"You said your mission was over. You don't have to protect me anymore. I...I want this. I want you, Sousuke. I-I love you..."

He turned back towards her, his lips pressed into that thin, unyielding line. "My mission as far as Mithril is concerned is over. But I will still protect you. It is MY mission."

Kaname bit her lip; tears sprang to her eyes as he stood up from the couch. He was just going to leave....

"And I can't protect you like this," he continued, stopping in the center of the room. "The tactical layout of this dwelling is faulty. I can think of at least seven ways to break in with little resistance."

"Break in?" That was it, the boy was mad. She was practically in tears over a broken heart, and he was analyzing ways to break into her apartment? Her fingers itched for her paper fan. Had she packed it? Where was it? She was going to beat him--

"There is only one strategic location for maximum defense."

She scowled at his back, and shot up from the sofa. Even if she didn't have her paper fan, she could still slap him silly. "Oh?" She hissed, and trudged after him. "Do tell, oh wise and all-knowing sergeant."

Grey-blue eyes turned to face her, something like determination glittering in their depths. His brow furrowed slightly above his eyes in that familiar expression of his, but...something wavered in the reflection of the overhead light.

His adams apple bobbed in his neck as he swallowed.

"I'm waiting." She glared back at him.

He nodded. The epitome of seriousness and just utter exasperation!

"Your bed."

Kaname's eyes widened at his response. The tactician seemed to realize he had gained the advantage and caught her lips in a searing kiss. Her knees turned to jelly, but it didn't matter. Before she could collapse, Sousuke swept her up in his arms and headed for her room.

****************************************************
AN: Geh. This chapter was the most difficult one to get passed. *sobs*

Sooooooooo, up next in chapter 3: just how well did Sousuke study that '101 Ways to Satisfy Your Lover' book, anyway?

Sousuke: "I spent many hours studying positions and techniques. There are several I think would be interesting, but the most common one for a first experience is the missionary position."

Kaname: O_O;;; *buries her face in her hands* Why did I think I could have a normal first time with this-this unromantic, militaristic, PERVERT!?


Er, well... I do try to get them into bed in the next part....

Thanks for reading!

Love,
Rose

Posted: Fri May 02, 2003 9:52 pm
by Taurec
Great ..... :love:

that chapter 3 sounds like a pure violation of the board policy .. good ... very gooooood .. :twisted:

Posted: Sat May 03, 2003 4:27 am
by HELLFIRE
Taurec wrote:that chapter 3 sounds like a pure violation of the board policy .. good ... very gooooood ..
...hands Taurec a napkin to wipe the drool from his lip


@blackrose
well, after a long wait.... well....



...excuse me while I pick my jaw up from the floor :shift:


Ya reallhad a knack for building tension, and I LOVED it!! *hehe*
I especially loved the end... just couldn't resist having Souske come
up with another pricelessly bone-headed military otaku comeback
right before the punchline, huh? :-D


Congratulations on a job well done, blackrose :clap:
look forward to more!!

Posted: Sat May 03, 2003 4:37 am
by Katyusha
Correction:

The proper Universal Alphabet for M is "Mike". P is "Papa". No proper organisation deviates from it. You'll want to fix that.

Posted: Sat May 03, 2003 4:57 am
by HELLFIRE
Katyusha wrote:Correction:

The proper Universal Alphabet for M is "Mike". P is "Papa". No proper organisation deviates from it. You'll want to fix that.



Hmmm... and last time it was a misspelling of Seargent.... :?:

Posted: Sat May 03, 2003 5:00 am
by blackrose
Taurec wrote:Great ..... :love:

that chapter 3 sounds like a pure violation of the board policy .. good ... very gooooood .. :twisted:
LOL!!! Yes, yes it will be. Actually, I have a 'clean' version I will post here, and a not-so-clean version I'll post on the FMP Fanfiction section of my own site. I'll provide the link to the not-so-clean version in the post here, though. :)

Chapter 4, I think, has a um...rather 'thought-provoking' image in it as well.... ;)

*hugs* Thanks for reading!!!

Love,
Rose

Posted: Sat May 03, 2003 5:15 am
by blackrose
HELLFIRE wrote: ...hands Taurec a napkin to wipe the drool from his lip
*giggles*
@blackrose
well, after a long wait.... well....
Hey, I WARNED that I'm not usually so productive. I finished the 4 chapters in about a month since posting ch 1 here, and that, for me, is a record. My first 4 chapter story on the Zero system trying to control Heero through *ahem* images of Relena, took 7 months. I'm getting better about being able to write some shorter series fics instead of the 30 chapter monsters I'm "known" for in GW fandom, but don't expect miracles...

Baby steps onto the bus. Baby steps to the back of the bus.... :P :P :P
...excuse me while I pick my jaw up from the floor :shift:
Dare I ask which part? lol
Ya reallhad a knack for building tension, and I LOVED it!! *hehe*
I especially loved the end... just couldn't resist having Souske come
up with another pricelessly bone-headed military otaku comeback
right before the punchline, huh? :-D
Well, I have to admit. When I started writing this fic, that last little bit of this chapter was the "idea". I got that image and situation into my head, then worked backward, then forward, and dammit it all if the thing didn't at least TRY to get a pseudo-plot-ish kinda thing in ch 4.

I'd call it more of a theme maybe... Anyway, *hugs* Thanks Hellfire!!! I'm glad it turned out okay. I start off thinking - hey, this is good. Then by the time I post it I'm like, geh, who wrote this dross. Oh wait, me. *sobs* So I was kinda worried this afternoon...
look forward to more!!
As soon as I can whip that pesky betareader into shape. 3 and 4 shouldn't be too far behind. :)

Thanks again! And *pokes* how goes your fic???

Love,
Rose

Posted: Sat May 03, 2003 5:24 am
by blackrose
Katyusha wrote:Correction:

The proper Universal Alphabet for M is "Mike". P is "Papa". No proper organisation deviates from it. You'll want to fix that.
In Deathscythe, uses thermal scythe to slice Kat into itty bitty pieces. The coroner immediately runs in, verifies the death and compares the corpse's dental records to the ones he JUST took of Kat's teeth at his last appointment which was verified as being two weeks ago, AS WELL AS his dental records from age 10. A preliminary DNA match on the corpse's blood is made, indicating with a probability of 1 in 500,000,000 that the corpse is, indeed, the nefarious Kat.

JUST FYI.... Before writing that section, I had my husband ask his father who is chief of police in a little bitty town in NM, and former Air Force, and he told me the Mary Paul bit. CONSIDERING the fact those universal alphabet letters were also in chapter 1, and you didn't correct me then, I maintain that the error is your fault.

So there. :P :P :P :P

*goes off grumbling about how she slaves over her fics and all Kat has to say is "your universal alphabet is wrong"*

Just wait, Kat. When the NA release happens this summer. You're going to have worse errors in fanfics than that. AND THEN you'll think yourself lucky to have to only correct a couple of misspelled Sergeants and Universal Alphabet pronunciations....

So nyah! :P

Love,
Rose <--who's teasing you, by the way.

Posted: Sat May 03, 2003 5:33 am
by blackrose
HELLFIRE wrote: Hmmm... and last time it was a misspelling of Seargent.... :?:
If those are the biggest complaints people have, then I'm not going to complain. (too much) It'd be NICE if people could say something nice when also pointing out errors, but not everyone is capable of such tact. ;)

Me personally, as a writer, I want to know if people think I kept Sousuke and Kaname close to in character, whether the story is entertaining, etc. I am always going to make some mistakes. I do my best to make them not be major errors like plot holes or putting silencers on a revolver. But, I am only human, so... there ya go.

As for the In-character thing, I can only say I tried. Kaname may seem a little unsure for her, but this is her first time, so I went with her character from that perspective. If there was ever going to be a time when she seemed a little unsure, this would be it. Plus Sousuke even says she's different when she's not at school....

Sousuke is just... Clueless. And yet he has such moments of clarity in the series, too. He just surprised me at times, so I kinda went with that, here.

Love,
Rose

Posted: Sat May 03, 2003 7:27 am
by StromCrow3000
Nyaa...........

Posted: Sat May 03, 2003 7:56 pm
by HELLFIRE
@blackrose
Well, big difference between writers and readers is that writers DO it,
and don't get to gripe about it till AFTER it's done, while readers get
to gripe all the way thru about this, that and the other.... *sighs* it's
a conspiracy!!!

And never mind Katyusha... you remember his last comment on Chap 1...
he's not into romantic fics, and I'm surprised he even bothered to read
this one *hehehe* :-D
blackrose wrote:A preliminary DNA match on the corpse's blood is made, indicating with a probability of 1 in 500,000,000 that the corpse is, indeed, the nefarious Kat.
...shouldn't that be 1 in 1 prob? :twisted:


BTW, haven't touched my fic in like a week :me bad: but yesterday I
started plotting out this one scene which REALLY turned into a crackup.
Not to spoil, but it's another one of Souske: I do not understand the
activities of civilians :-P




Regards

Posted: Sun May 04, 2003 3:23 am
by blackrose
The probability was supposed to reference the likelihood it WASN'T Kat. In other words, there's 1 in 500,000,000 match - if you took a sample of 500,000,000 people then only ONE could come close to matching the DNA sample other than Kat.

And it wouldn't be an identical match. It would be 'similar'.

So, there's basically no chance in hell the corpse is not Kat = the corpse is Kat without a doubt.

:P

*brandishes Noodle of Death* Hellfire! Get back to your fic! *grins*

Love,
Rose

PS - I wonder why he reads it, too. I think it's just to nitpick, really.... ;)

Posted: Sun May 04, 2003 4:35 am
by HELLFIRE
blackrose wrote:So, there's basically no chance in hell the corpse is not Kat = the corpse is Kat without a doubt.
Okay, yeah.... I think I get it after all that :?


Brushing up what MAY be Chap 1... I wanna see where it can go.




Regards

Posted: Sun May 04, 2003 6:52 am
by Katyusha
blackrose wrote:
Katyusha wrote:Correction:

The proper Universal Alphabet for M is "Mike". P is "Papa". No proper organisation deviates from it. You'll want to fix that.
In Deathscythe, uses thermal scythe to slice Kat into itty bitty pieces. The coroner immediately runs in, verifies the death and compares the corpse's dental records to the ones he JUST took of Kat's teeth at his last appointment which was verified as being two weeks ago, AS WELL AS his dental records from age 10. A preliminary DNA match on the corpse's blood is made, indicating with a probability of 1 in 500,000,000 that the corpse is, indeed, the nefarious Kat.

JUST FYI.... Before writing that section, I had my husband ask his father who is chief of police in a little bitty town in NM, and former Air Force, and he told me the Mary Paul bit. CONSIDERING the fact those universal alphabet letters were also in chapter 1, and you didn't correct me then, I maintain that the error is your fault.

So there. :P :P :P :P

*goes off grumbling about how she slaves over her fics and all Kat has to say is "your universal alphabet is wrong"*

Just wait, Kat. When the NA release happens this summer. You're going to have worse errors in fanfics than that. AND THEN you'll think yourself lucky to have to only correct a couple of misspelled Sergeants and Universal Alphabet pronunciations....

So nyah! :P

Love,
Rose <--who's teasing you, by the way.
Unfortunately, I have better things to do than correct you. And I was drowsy when I read the earlier parts.

Posted: Mon May 05, 2003 7:15 am
by Gauss_chan
Blackrose sama is the greatest fanfic writer ever.

BANZAI! BANZAI! BANZAI!

Hugs Blackrose. :-D

It was great! :clap: