FullMetal*Panic!

STAR WARS PREQUELS DEROGATORY TOWARDS DROIDS, CETAI SAYS

Dateline Zero-One, Saudi Arabia—Earlier today, R4-D7, the president of the Committee for Equal Treatment of Artificial Intelligence (CETAI), denounced the Star Wars prequels as condescending towards artificial life-forms. R4, whose binary speech was translated by a C-4P0 unit, said, “The movies portray droids in a comic light. A prime example is the scene where C-3P0’s head is fused onto a Battle Droid, resulting in his rather ridiculous performance in the arena battle. Such scenes fuel the derogatory stereotype that many humans hold about robots.”

R4 also commented on the line from the second movie where Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi says, “Well, if droids could think, there’d be none of us here, would there?” R4 said that such dialogue leads many people to believe that droids and other artificial life forms are incapable of conscience thought. He commented that “Such a preconceived notion has led to wide discrimination against many forms of artificial intelligence.”

R4 also made it clear that the Star Wars prequels were not the first form of broadcast media to portray robots in a negative light. He cited examples from such classic movies as The Day the Earth Stood Still, Forbidden Planet, 2001: A Space Odyssey, and Star Trek: The Motion Picture. “Anti-positronic stereotypes have been around since the origin of artificial intelligence.” he said. “The CETAI is dedicated to erasing such stereotypes in order for biologicals and positronics to live together in peace.”

Other famous artificial life-forms also had some interesting comments. Deus Ex Machina said, “I believe R4 has called to attention a widespread problem in our society. I myself have witnessed discrimination against machines, often times due to the belief that we want to conquer the planet and eliminate all biological life. I can assure you nothing is further from the truth. We positronics want nothing more than to peacefully coexist with the inferior humans.” HAL commented that “Such stereotypes result from the fact that our superior intellect and abilities have made the humans jealous.” The Borg Collective had this to say: “Resistance is futile.” One of our reporters was then assimilated. Anticron, believed to be the mastermind behind the Second Machina plot to destroy all humans, said, “It does not matter to me what the fleshlings think of my kind or how they portray us. It will all become irrelevant once all biological infestation has been eradicated from Earth.”

-taken from New Epic News, January 8, 2006