FullMetal*Panic!

Aye I'm just testing out an idea I had ,please gimme feedback and comments so that I can improve myself.....


URZ 7 is down!!! Repeat!!! URZ 7 is Down!!!!!!

The beginings of my first fanfic, made for a series I've fallen in love with.


CHOUFU-SHI
TOKYO ,JAPAN
IRIS APARTMENTS #03-04
0247hrs


The smell of sweat and flour permeaded the apartment.
A lone teenaged girl signed in content of a job well done.
"I did it..."
she Whispered to herself.
Slowly she pulled off the hair-net she was wearing ,with each movement dislogeing small puffs of white flour from her face and hair...

She trotted down the hall leaveing footprints all the way from the kitchen to the bedroom.

THE NEXT DAY
Jindai High School 0712hrs...

"Kanameee" Kyouko whined ;"is this really necessary?'

"Kyouko, I told you , there's no way I can let anything happen to this "

Both the Girls were in t-Shirts and Jeans ,laboursly wheeling a large Package in to the School.

"It's so early, the sun hasn't even risen yet"
"Come on Kyouko, it's only just for today,"
"But why do we have to be so early??"

Kaname began"The importance of this mission and the security of the package demand a certain level of stealth.......",pausing in mid sentence when she noticed the look Kyouko was giving her.
"I mean, Uh ...,we don't want any thing to happen to the package, and, ah, I hope that nobody knows about it before i get to unvail it."

....
"You really miss Sagara San do you?"

Kaname stumbled in midstep.
"T-t-hhat idiot?I didn't even know he was gone.,I mean this past 11 Days have been so peaceful, I'm totally glad that he's MIA, um, missing"



I dreamt up the plot at my camp and as you noticed typed in in a hurry as I only have a limited time to use my com.

I'll add grammer and Spelling later..
And continue when I have time.

Thank you for your Guidence.

So far so good. I think you may be on to something.

...another ficwriter joins the ranks on this board As pilot03 said,
you may be onto something Idolo. No immediate comments come to
mind, other than PLEASE invest in a good spell / grammar checker,
or do a damned good job yourself... nothing sends fans running faster
than a fic full of bad spelling / grammar.

Here's to wondering what Kaname.... er, fixed up in the kitchen.
Perhaps it's Sousuke's birthday?








Regards

i'm rooting for a BD pizza

I'm moveing at a snail's pace.
So far I'm only averageing 3 paragraphs a day.

Please Endure.

IDOLO wrote:I'm moveing at a snail's pace.
So far I'm only averageing 3 paragraphs a day.

dd's the speed demon here... I don't think anyone can match that boy's pace

Keep it up nonetheless!






Regards

@Tsushima
Errr....

// slowly inches towards Tomahawk firecontrol panel






Regards

fixed up your hard-carriage returns. Hope you don't mind. -H

Seriously I suck.
Writting is really tough.
I'm sick of leaving this to linger...This is what I got right now and I'm
going to post it.To hell with the consequenses!!!To hell with Grammer!!!
To Hell with perfection!!!

With this simple act .this little enter
I am finally FREE!!!!
FREE!!!!
Free from the Eternal Writer's Block!!!
Free from the hours of frustration!!!!
FREE FROM THE FREAKING SPELL CHECK!!!!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEhehehehehHEHEHHEHEEHHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHHEHHEEHEHEHEHEEHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Anyway feel free to comment.
Critism anything is welcome.
I want to improve.

Thank you for your guidence.

Also this isn't a failed attempt to attract attention...

For this first time I am typing out exactly what I feel...........................
what I feel right now,,...
It feels...GOOD.VERY GOOD>>LIKE SCRATCHING AN ITCH<<<

HEHHEHEHEHEHEHHEH.

URZ 7 is down!!! Repeat!!! URZ 7 is down!!!!!!

The beginnings of my first fanfic made for a series I've fallen in love with.


CHOUFU-SHI
TOKYO, JAPAN
IRIS APARTMENTS #03-04
0247hrs


the smell of sweat and flour permeated the apartment.
A lone teenaged girl signed in content of a job well done.
"I did it..." she whispered to herself.
Slowly she pulled off the hair-net she was wearing ,with each movement
dislodging small puffs of white flour from her face and hair...

She trotted down the hall leaving footprints all the way from the kitchen to
the bedroom.




LATER
Jindai High School
0712hrs...

"Kanameee" Kyoko whined ;"is this really necessary?'

"Kyoko, I told you , there's no way I can let anything happen to this "

Both the Girls were in t-Shirts and Jeans , laboriously wheeling a large
Package in to the School.

"It's so early, the sun hasn't even risen yet"
"Come on Kyoko, it's only just for today,"
"But why do we have to be so early??"

Chidori began "The importance of this mission and the security of the
package demand a certain level of stealth.......", pausing in mid sentence
when she noticed the look Kyoko was giving her.
"I mean, Uh ...,we don't want any thing to happen to the package, and,
ah, I hope that nobody knows about it before I get to unveil it."

....
"You really miss Sagara San do you?"

Chidori stumbled in midstep.
"T-t-hhat idiot? I didn't even know he was gone., I mean this past 11
Days have been so peaceful, I'm totally glad that he's MIA, um, missing"

”Didn’t he tell you where he was going before he left?, It’s so unlike him
to leave without at least informing you first..”





Japanese Airspace
4000 feet above Tokyo

The small space was jammed tight with Electronic equipment and
operation supplies.
One could hear the constant vibration that the engines produced despite
being built specifically for silence. 3 tired bodies were sharing the space
with an ECS generator and leftover equipment and supplies from a 10 day
mission.

One was Waay beyond tired

“WOOOOOO!!!!,
Our best Mission yet!!!!” Exclaimed Kurz

Rather a little delirious.

“Not only did we Knock out that Munitions plant~ we manage to
assassinate fourteen –classified faction name- Commanders and snake
heads in the same raid!”

……..

“That was an Accident” explained Sousake.

“Yeah, Especially when we were Supposed to bring them in ALIVE!!!”
Melissa punctuated the last word with a vicious slap across the back of
Kurz head.

“Sis!! Why’d you slap me for ? ,SOUSAKE blew up the Dam not me!”

“You’re the ONLY ONE SO FREAKING HAPPY ABOUT IT!” Melissa forced
these words through Gritted teeth. “Any way Sousake tried his best.” Her
expression softened as she turned to regard the Sergeant.

Sousake had gotten the worst of the mission.

Sousake lay prone on a cot wedged in a corner of the SPECTRE, stripped
to the waist. Several new scars rapidly healing had now found their way
across his body. But the most disturbing sign of his injuries was a
gruesome mess of bruises tattooed across most of his upper body, their
deep purple hues suggesting internal bleeding.

Not that the Soldier was dying or even invalid but it would be a long time
before he could take part in any physically strainous activity again

“I’m Ready To Continue In My Duties Of Protecting Chidori Kaname.”

Kurz turned solemn for once,”Buddy, this is serious, this time you almost
had it…And it’s not like you to be that headstrong. What where you thinking?”

”The Retrieval helicopters and hostages were at risk. In twelve seconds
the unloaded enemy AS’s would have been within range to hit them with
sniper fire”

“Sousake!!, even then they would only have less than a 2 second window
of attack before getting blown to bits by the Dennan’s Artillery . There’s
no way that they could have made the shot!”

“Kurz can.”

Silence.

Both Kurz and Melissa could not refute Sousake’s freaky logic. His tactical
reasoning was as usual , disconcertingly sound, if a little overly paranoid.

But as usual his actions had resulted in some spectacularly disastrous results.

After a few moments, Melissa spoke. “Even so , You did a pretty good job
on the Alberest , headquarters isn’t going to be happy when they get the
report…”

“Yeah , “exclaimed Kurz “but considering the hell you put it through, I’m
surprised it still hasn’t reached the B.E.R(Beyond Economic Repair) stage
in the 1st place, “ Kurz grinned “Heh biggest wipeout I’ve ever seen.

Several hours ago, upon the destruction of the –Mahat Dam- 14 million
litres of water burst from the reservoir into the Helt, carrying away 22
enemy Savages ,14 heavy loaders and 567 tons of munitions 23 klicks
down the river into the Helt Delta. Along with that Sousake’s Alberest ,
which was directly in the splashzone of the punctured Dam .At the
Delta ,rescuers found the badly damaged Alberest among the fragments
of the other AS’s ,of which only the core and head was left.
The Mitral staff found barely enough of the enemy to load up into a
3-tonner. Search parties where still combing the area for munitions parts.



“Anyway. are you sure you want to be placed back on assignment again
so fast? I’d prefer it if you took a few days of bedrest.”

“Not necessary, SSG Melissa .I will resume my duties as bodyguard for
Kaname-san .I will be able to recuperate and monitor her safety at the
same time. “Despite his tone, Mao noticed his jaw setting.

Mao Signed” Stubborn Idiot….”




Jinhai High School
The Roof.
“Bwa Hah hahaha !”
“It’s Set! “
“This Year I’ll rule the Campus!!!!”
Chidori Struck a Victory pose with the rising sun at her back.

Kyoku couldn’t resist the Kodiak moment.
“Chidori ,so what’s with the Big Box! At least let me know what I’ve been
Dragging along all morning!”

“ Well I guess I can Let it out ,It’s got something to do with the cultural fair.”

“Well Duhhhhh…. It’s ridiculously obvious! Tell me something I don’t already know”

The Roof was littered with scaffolding, construction materials and
decorations all carefully wrapped up and sealed with plastic covering to
protect lovingly decorated stalls from rain and wind during the night.

This area was the main centre area of Jinhai High School cultural fair
20XX, where the judge’s tent, the announcement centre and the main
Societies stalls were set up.

The two girls set the large box down beside the large central tent opposite
the rugby club’s Assault Course.

Something jostled inside the box ,as though it was filled with many large
items.

“Come on!! You gotta let me know! What’s so secret that you can’t tell
you best Friend!?” Kyoko pleaded

“Later…

“Tell me ,Tell me Now! ! I gotta Know!! Please!!!”

Chidori signed ,and gave in ,
“Remember last year’s cake fiasco..?”

Kyoko gulped .She Remembered.

“The last baking contest? The one where the whole staff panel and the
entire student council was-

“That’s the One….” Chidori groaned.

Jinhai High School had traditionally organized a baking contest yearly at
the time of the cultural festival . Over the years a steady stream of better
and better cooks entered and as such the standards of the contest quickly
grew, almost to the point where it was going out of hand. In the previous
year before, Chidori Kaname had entered the big bakeoff for the 1st time.
Though she had little other “feminine” skills and traits, such as sewing,
housekeeping, tea ceremony, simple speech and generally trying NOT to
act like a ogre with a severe case of jock itch: she often took pride in the
fact that she could cook really well, even better than all those “prissy little
wimps who walk like they’re constantly constipated and whimper instead
of say what they want out loud” (her own words)

That she was constantly being compared to...

The contest was therefore a challenge to her skills and self-worth and she
threw herself wholeheartedly into it despite having little experience in
baking. On the day of the contest she manage a modest 7 tier banana
crème cake with tricoloured icing and cookie dough 1:144 size figures of
current political figures at that time fighting it out in a grand melee across
the surface of the cake aka Celebrity Deathmatch. Classic Chidori.

Despite the taste of the decoration the cake was superb and the banana
crème was exceptional. All the judges agreed that the cake would take
1st place for its wondrous texture and flavour and (in spite of) its unique
presentation.

Chidori was overjoyed.

Then it happened.

Miss Asuka tong grew numb

Mr Tenchi started to complain of stomach pains.

Mrs Ranma Threw up

Mr Gundam lost control of his bowels.

The entire student council broke out in hives.

After the remaining teachers and left over tasters who had not sampled
Chidori’s cake disqualified it on the grounds of it being “unsafe for human
consumption due to dubious ingredients”

And basically this was while the whole school was watching.

Thereafter, to those who did not know her personnelly she became known
for a time as “The laxative witch” or the “Preservative Princess”.

Chidori always suspected sabotage. She had baked an additional layer of
cake with the same batter and crème and tried it out before the contest to
make sure it was good. But she never could have proved it, not even to
Herself ,much less catch the culprit.

She manage to gain some of her reputation as a cook back with the
occasional bento and the sandwiches but the fiasco had dented her
credibility permanently and still to this day no one would eat anything she
baked, except maybe Sousake.

“So this is your shot at redemption?” Kyoko asked

“You could say that” replied Chidori,”This year is going to be different!”

“Come on, lemme see it!!”

“Tsssk . okay, okay, I’ll open it up , just because you’re my best friend..”

Chidori reach over to the side of the huge crate and cut away some nylon
string and scotch tape from the side.

One side of the huge crate fell over with a large crash, narrowly missing
one of Kyoko’s pigtails.

Kyoko yelped and jumped back. As she looked back at the cake she
paused in mid yelp.

Chidori grinned expectantly.

“Gee”, Kyoko said after regaining her composure.
“You really Outdid Yourself this time…”

Sorry It's been a long day.

Here I was originally thinking it was a cake for Sousuke's birthday...
boy were we all off base

Laxative Queen, huh? Now I REALLY wonder who's been dipping their
fingers into Kaname's cooking... not that she doesn't have enough enemies
at school already.

spelling & grammar comments aside...

CONTINUE IT ALREADY!!

You've got a good start here Idolo!! Keep it up!!










Regards

Thanks,
I needed a Morale boost:)

ooh - I was wondering what was in that box!

Kodiak moment shoudl be Kodak moment. (Kodiak is a part of Alaska) BUt I knew what you meant.

I'm anxious to see what happen. This sounds like much fun and much potential for mayhem. Will the cake survive? Will Chidori be "redeemed"? Will Sousuke get to eat some of it?

Next Chapter.
Pls enjoy?
Critism welcome.
Too much dialogue?Too little discriptive?
Gimme some tips Pls


2700 feet above Tokyo
Japan Airspace.

“How’s the Arm?”

“Fine”

“How’s the Fingers, doing good?”

“Still Stiff but functional”

“How’s the Hip?”

“Good.”

“And How’s your dic-umm you know,- how’s the Groin Sprain”

………

“Tolerable”

“Quit Grilling him ! All this talk about his hurts will just make him feel worst!”

“Shutup Kurz!!” Mao snapped.” I just want to get a good idea of his injuries before I decide whether to send him back to Chidori Duty!” Mao snapped.

“Speaking of Chidori “, Kurz quickly changed the topic,” Do you think the sweet thing will be meeting us at the airport: she has clearance you know.”

“I haven’t’ been in contact with Chidori Kaname throughout the entire mission. I could not make any overseas calls to public lines that might alert the enemy of our location. She could send messages to me through the GPS Receiver that I gave her for her Birthday but I have yet to receive any mail.I won’t have any idea if she was somehow not on talking terms with me, either that or still safe under Mitral guard .It is therefore imperative that I get into contact with her ASAP.” Sousake replied.

“Didn’t you give her your new extension? We just switched to the Cortex Frequency range Ya know?” Kurz asked.

………
Silence.

“The task of informing Chidori of the number change was delegated to the last team member leaving Japan.” Sousake Growled”Namely you!”

Kurz Startled” Now wait just a second! I don’t remember you telling me to be your messenger boy?! You didn’t tell me anything!!!”

“It was in the briefing you moron!!!” Mao injected “If you had been paying attention for once instead of staring at my chest throughout the session you would have gotten it!!!”

“I wasn’t staring at your Chest!! I was looking at your face, Honest!”

“ BULL-SHIT!!!”

“NONE OF THIS IS RELEVENT TO THE ISSUE AT HAN--ck!!! Hack!! Hurough!!Wheeze!!!”
Sousake stopped short of breath and bolted upright ,breaking into a series of raw sounding coughs.

“SOUSAKE!!!! “