[FIC] Christmas Cake (pt. 15/finale)
Posted: Mon Jun 28, 2004 3:31 am
The air was chill and biting. Small flurries of snow danced on the swirling wind. The brief kiss of snow flakes on Kaname’s face did not distract her from her thoughts. The open space ahead of her was haunting. It spoke to her.
This wasn’t an official memorial---one such project was in the design stage. Nonetheless, the impact was tremendous. She felt tears running down her face. Looking over at Stacy and Ayame, she realized that they were solemn and silent as well. Even the usual comic figure of Mr. Smith had taken on a new light.
The rotund bodyguard ran his fingers over a list of names, stopping ever so often. He bowed his head. There was a boquet of cut flowers in his hand. Whispered names sat on his trembling lips.
A large glass-covered display panel stood at the site of the fallen World Trade Center. The name of each and every man and woman lost in that tragedy was displayed in the impromptu Ground Zero Memorial. The small group of women and men standing there cried, prayed, or looked on hesitantly, trying to find some kind of understanding.
Kaname knew that Sousuke’s name wasn’t on the list. That didn’t keep her from wondering if it might not end up on the list of fallen heroes kept on the TDD-1. Seeing the names of the victims helped her appreciate just what Sousuke did. He repeatedly put his own life on the line, to help prevent the need for more memorials like this one.
“Lest We Forget.”
Yes. She would never forget Sousuke if he happened to lose his life in Korea. But, she should never forget what he was, if he remained alive. Too many people made that mistake in life.
“You never know what you have until it’s gone.”
Peace. Freedom. Security.
Love.
Kaname watched a young boy put a letter and a small stuffed animal on the pile of items at the foot of the memorial. An older woman stuck an American flag next to a Canadian flag. There were flags of many nations there. How many countries mourned their sons and daughters because of a senseless act of terrorism?
She read the facts printed on one poster. The final death toll was put at 2,823. Of those, 343 had been firefighters. Only 1,102 remains had been identified. No more than 28 bodies had been removed intact.
Kaname coughed, the cold air ravaging her throat. What would the numbers be if Tokyo was struck by a nuclear weapon? What would happen to Kyouko, Maya, Ren, Ryo, and Shinji? At that moment, she could even forgive the people like Shirai, who were normally nothing but a blemish on her existence.
Her eyes continued their journey. It had taken eight months to clear the sixteen acre plot of land. That had been far ahead of schedule, thanks to the Herculean efforts or countless men and women. There had been an estimated three million work hours invested. It had taken 108,342 truckloads to cart away the 1.8million tons of steel and concrete.
Kaname bowed her head and placed it against the glass. She couldn’t move. There was a feeling of loss beyond words. Her fears began to pull at her. Life was such an uncertain thing. It was so precious.
Looking down at the row of flags at her feet, she saw one from her own country. For a moment, she thought about the irony of standing at such a site in a country that had been responsible for the destruction at Hiroshima and Nagasaki. She felt no need for judgment---Sousuke given her an unbiased account of the war. She knew about the dirty bombs that Japan had been preparing for San Francisco with German help.
It wasn’t about who did what to whom. What mattered was the innocent people, the men and women going about their work, trying to make a better world for themselves and their children. They had suffered before. There was always the chance that they would suffer again.
There was a seventeen year old boy out there fighting for their lives. How could so much responsibility rest on someone so young? Why had she always been so eager to dismiss him as some annoying pest? Why had she been so angry about his steadfast adherence to duty and obligation?
There was so much she wanted to tell him. There were things she could do to help him. In that way, maybe she could help those innocent men, women, and children too.
Kaname placed a small ceramic figurine on the ground, next to a clusters of letters and cards. It was one she had taken from the Christmas tree with her father’s blessing. It was a simple but expressive replica of a dove.
She had wanted to come here first, before going shopping. It had been a restless night, with her tossing and turning in her bed, wondering what was happening in North Korea. Somehow, she knew that standing here would put her in touch with feelings and fears that she hadn’t allowed herself to deal with before.
Breakfast had left her in a much different mood. After Ayame had banged on her door again, she shambled out to the kitchen, her hair in total disarray and her eyes barely open. She needed to eat, if only to regain enough stamina to throttle her sister.
She was shocked to see Oichi there. She had gone home after spending long hours sitting and talking with her father. Sitting in one of the ornate carven chairs, she looked as fresh and as spritely as ever. Kaname could almost hate her for that. Worse, she had made the breakfast. It was delicious! Naturally, she just had to be a terrific cook too.
Kaname had found herself torn for a moment. An idea had crept into her head. Wouldn’t it be nice to be around someone like Oichi? It would be wonderful to have a woman she could look up to. She could learn about cooking. Then she could make even better meals for Sousuke. The paradox had been infuriating.
“Ayame. Did you wake up Stacy?” She had asked the question while spooning fruit preserves on a home made muffin..
“Of course not! She needs her sleep.” Ayame’s answer earned her a short but effective round of tickling. It had been a near thing. Her sister had almost ended up wearing the muffin, jam and all.
Yes. It had felt wonderful, kidding around with Ayame. It had felt marvelous looking over at her father and seeing him smile at them. It had been nice to see the look that Oichi gave him. Everything had seemed OK in the universe for that short moment of time.
Her thoughts had then turned to Sousuke. She wished that he could have been there with them. More than anyone else she knew, he could benefit from the sense of family… the feeling that he belonged, was accepted, and could be held in affection.
Kaname looked over at Mr. Smith. He was wiping tears from his eyes, pretending he was doing anything but that. She surprised herself by smiling. There was good in most people, wasn’t there? All you needed to do was look.
Stacy had her hand on Ayame’s shoulder. Kaname’s younger sister had her face in her hands. She had read a card posted on the bulletin board. It was from a boy writing to his deceased sister. She had been a stewardess on United Airline Flight 175.
The power of shopping would be sorely tested. Would the age old miracle be able to lift the girls’ spirits?
After leaving the memorial, the small group hailed a taxi cab and headed off for one of the larger shopping areas. Stopped at one light, Mr. Smith called to a street vendor and bought soft pretzels for everyone. They were warm, chewy, and flavorful.
Kaname sat back in her seat and thought back to the times she had walked these streets with her mother. She remembered getting pretzels and sitting in the park. They had gotten unshelled peanuts and walked from shop to shop. Other times, it had been Italian ices or hot dogs.
On special days, they had all gone together, her father wearing his favorite suit, and Ayame in a stroller. Kaname looked over at her sister and smiled. She had a large splotch of mustard on her shirt and was trying frantically to rub it away.
‘Mom. I miss you. I’ve been through so much. There is someone I want you to meet. I hope he’s OK. I don’t want you to see him before I do.’
Kaname looked out of the car window, seeing a number of couples walking together. It made her feel wistful.
‘Mom. There’s someone else, too. She’s very nice. There’s no way she can ever take your place, but I think you would like her. She’s good for Daddy.’
Yes. Shopping would be good. Kaname felt a need to move, to look, to buy. It was difficult, caught up so much in her thoughts.
Stacy paid the driver. She said it was her treat. Kaname and her family had been so nice to her, making it feel as if she had known them all of her life.
Mr. Smith walked behind the girls, his eyes darting left to right, up and down. His entire posture and bearing was different. He knew these streets. He had walked them before. This was his element. His past experience took over. Every so often, while Stacy was busy chatting with Kaname or her sister, the bodyguard would call out instructions or tell them to hold up.
Ayame almost bought a watch for her father. Kaname put her hand on her purse and told her to keep on walking.
“But Kaname, it was a Rolex. The price was so great!” Ayame looked shocked when Stacy told her about street hustlers and con men. She began looking at everybody with a different eye.
“People are not who they always seem, kiddo.” Kaname had laughed when she said it, glad to share her hard-earned wisdom with her sister. She smiled then, wondering just how wise she was. She had misjudged a certain scruffy soldier. She had been handed an ugly mud-caked rock. When she took the time to wash away the dirt, she had found a diamond underneath.
It would be good to see him again.!
See him. Hold him. Kiss him.
He’d better want to kiss her again, the big idiot. Moron. Jerk!
She knew he’d be OK. He always was. Ever since she had known him, he kept coming back to her. Before it had been duty and obligation. This time it would be something different. At least she hoped so.
“You have to come back, Sousuke. Do you hear me?” She whispered the question, feeling herself shiver from a sudden fierce gust of icy wind. “I didn’t say you could stay away….”
They walked by a large TV and stereo emporium with televisions sitting in barred front windows. A number of the sites were on, showing various channels. One show, the national news, caught Kaname’s attention. She stood there as the other girls walked on.
There was a map of North Korea.
Pictures of nuclear missiles and troops were shown as accent pieces. Unconcerned how she might look, Kaname put her ear up against the cold glass. What were they saying?!
“…danger abated…”
“…unknown forces…”
“…unsuspected weapons…”
“…furious battle…”
“…restoration of sovereignty…’
A hand pulled at her shoulder, moving her ear off of the window. “Come on, Sis. Stop acting weird. Let’s GO….” Ayame was taken aback by the look on her sister’s face.
Kaname listened again. There was nothing specific. But, the anchorwoman had said that the crisis was abated. That meant Tokyo and her friends would be OK! It also meant that Mithril must have been successful!
Didn’t that mean that Sousuke had to be safe? Her heart soared, higher than the pigeons that Ayame sent to the air, running into their midst. But just like those ubiquitous birds, her feelings soon returned to earth. She remembered one particular day. She had been aboard Da Danaan. They had wheeled an unconscious Melissa by her on a stretcher.
“Any news?” Stacy asked. She obviously knew what Kaname had been doing.
“Nothing definite, not that I expected that. It sounds like the crisis is over.” Kaname pushed her hair out of her face, a worried look on her face.
“Maybe I’ll hear something later,” Stacy said, trying to cheer Kaname up. “You should shop for him, you know? Look for things he might like. Looks for things he might like to see on you.” Stacy paused, a wicked look in her eyes. “Look for something he might like to take off of you….”
Kaname blushed. She immediately looked to see where Ayame was. “Stacy! We don’t have that kind of relationship. We only kissed that once.”
Stacy smiled. “Who knows what might happen, right?” The blond bodyguard was being a bit disingenuous. She and her boyfriend were going steady, but hadn’t been to bed together. Still, it was fun to tease Kaname.
As it turned out, they passed by a fancy lingerie shop. Stacy stopped and grabbed hold of Kaname’s arm. She pointed by nodding her head. Kaname swallowed hard.
“We can’t go in there! You know how my father feels. If blabbermouth Ayame told him that I was even walking past that kind of stuff, I would be sent to a convent!” Kaname almost looked frantic.
“No problem. Leave it to Stacy. See over there, a nice woman’s clothier. A few doors down, one of the best deli’s in the city. Just watch and learn.” Stacy walked over to Mr. Smith and spoke to him and Ayame.
“Mr. Smith, Kaname and I would like to look in that clothing store over there. You’re more than welcome to join us if you like. We ought to be safe with me there.” She lifted her shopping bag off of the sidewalk, then put it back down. “That deli over there has some of the best corned beef and pastrami sandwiches on the east coast. But, you’ll have to wait in line.”
She saw the large man’s eyes light up. He looked torn.
“They also have a wonderful bakery inside. Warm flakey pastries that can melt in your mouth. More cookies than anyone could hope to eat in a lifetime.”
Ayame took a firm grasp on Mr. Smith’s wrist and began dragging him after her. Mission accomplished.
Kaname just shook her head and smiled. Stacy was a piece of work.
“So… ready?” Stacy laughed when Kaname blushed. She was enjoying herself. It was good to be hanging out with another girl her own age. Her secret identity didn’t give her much time for that any more.
Kaname stammered, but followed after the quickly striding girl.
“Welcome to the shop, ladies.” A lovely matronly woman smiled when they stepped inside. “Looking for something special for that someone special?”
“Yes, she is.” Stacy answered for Kaname.
Kaname shook her head, blushing. She dug in her heals as Stacy pushed her along.
“Come on Kaname, don’t get all serious now. If you find something you like, buy it… I can stash it in my bag… no one is going to look in there!” Stacy tossed her hair. “Besides, we’re not here so much as to buy as we are to try things on. Come on! Lighten up!”
The blue-haired girl developed a routine. First, her eyes would grow impossibly wide, seeing a certain nightie or naughty piece displayed on a store dummy. Next, she would reach her hand towards it, as if it were a snake about to strike. She’d pull that hand back quickly. Then, her pride spurring her on, she’d pick up something in her size and head for the dressing area. Moments later, she would come hurrying back and put it back on the rack, unable to work up the courage to try it on.
Stacy on the other hand, seemed eager to try on everything she could.
“That special day is going to come sooner or later. It should be something special, not some sweaty scene in the back of a car or some cheap run down motel. No harm in getting ready for that, is there?” Stacy looked at herself in a mirror and turned red.
Kaname froze, feeling as if someone had dipped her into a bubbling vat of liquid nitrogen.
Then, inexplicably, she began to sweat.
She remembered the feel of Sousuke’s arms around her. She could recall the scent of his cologne. The kiss. Naturally she remembered the kiss. There was a slight stirring inside of her. She blushed again. It felt as if everyone in the shop was staring at her, even the manikins.
No. This was not the time or place to be thinking about sex. Well, maybe not the time. There was no way she was going to rush that part of her life. She was captivated by the very thought of being in love, but she had no fanciful illusions about it. Too many good things had turned sour in her life. No. She was not going to rush into anything, only to regret it later!
That sounded true. Still, a small part of her raised its hand, asking for permission to speak. She cautiously agreed. It might not be any time soon. It may not even be with a surprisingly charming but clueless young sergeant. But, the day would come, wouldn’t it? What harm would there be in preparing, even if the event was years down the road?
She could buy something now, and put it away for later. It would certainly be associated with the memories of this momentous stay, wouldn’t it?
Kaname convinced herself to try a number of things on. Walking up to the cashier, she saw Stacy there. Both girls looked at one another and blushed. Both fought to keep from giggling under the watch of the knowing cashier.
After that, they did spend time in the woman’s shop. Kaname felt the urge to buy a nice new outfit or two, wanting to look good for Sousuke. The thought made her frown. No doubt she would end up looking gorgeous, and that knucklehead would show up wearing some tattered pair of khakis or something in camouflage colors. Big stupid head!
Kaname told Stacy what had her miffed.
“They’re boys, Kaname. If it’s not uniforms, it’s something! You should see the things my boyfriend wears sometimes. Shirts from his old sports teams. Rock T-shirts. The newest Neanderthal fashions. It took me an entire week to talk him into wearing a tux at the junior prom!” Stacy stomped her foot. Kaname smiled.
Eventually, they found Ayame and Mr. Smith waiting for them outside. When Ayame asked what Kaname had bought, she was able to answer without lying. She had gotten a nice selection of clothing.
“You guys hungry?” Mr. Smith took a half of a pastrami sandwich from one pocket and the remnants of a liverwurst sandwich from the other. Fortunately, they were both wrapped. “Good stuff!”
“Uh… I’ll pass.” Stacy said quickly.
“Me too,” Kaname added.
“Cherry turnover?” Ayame asked.
“Yes!” Kaname said, feeling her stomach grumble.
“You bet!” Stacy’s eyes lit up.
“Too bad!” Ayame rubbed her tummy. “It was really good, though. Thought you’d want to know that.”
Mr. Smith stepped in from of Ayame to shield her.
‘Now the man has to do his job,’ Kaname groused to herself.
Mr. Smith was only too glad to accompany the girls to a nice café. When everyone had eaten to his or her fill, they set out sightseeing. If Kaname was not going to have to stay in America, she wanted to take advantage of the opportunity.
They took cabs. They rode the subway. They took a ferry across to the Statue of Liberty.
Kaname felt like she was Queen of the World, standing at the top of the Empire State Building. Snow covered the tops of the lower buildings around her. She held onto the railing tightly. She knew she wasn’t going to fall… that would take quite some effort, requiring one to climb past security barriers and jump. Just the same, she clutched at the nearest support. At one time in her life, she might have wanted to jump from such a place. Now, she treasure her life, no matter how different it was since she found out that she was Whispered. Her visit with family had reminded her just how much the world had to offer.
“Want something while we wait for the elevator?” The liverwurst sandwich appeared in Mr. Smith’s hand again. Kaname was tempted to grab it and toss it over the side. No. Sousuke would probably waltz in from his mission unscathed, while she would show up with a prison tattoo and a criminal record.
“No thank you.” Kaname kept from laughing. She pictured Mr. Smith in her mind, jumping off of the building to save is sandwich. He could probably finish it before hitting bottom.
Sitting on a park bench later, Kaname needed to catch her breath. They had certainly done and seen a lot. She had picked up a couple of trinkets for her apartment and a thank you gift for her father, and one for Oichi too.
She looked down at one bag and smiled. She had found something for Sousuke. It was a book called ‘The Greatest Military Blunders In History.’ He’d love it… if he didn’t already have a copy… the moron! Yes, before she gave it to him, she’d tape his picture on one page and reference it in the index.
Rummaging through her bag, she took out another item and looked at it. It was silly, she knew. If any of her friends had aid they were going to give something like that to a boy, she would have gagged. That was then. This was now. It was a keepsake figurine… a boy and girl holding hands.
Kamame smiled.
Her cellular phone rang. She had to hurry and take off her mittens before she could answer.
“Hello?”
It was the Mithril operative she had spoken to the day before.
“Yes, she has. Yes, she is truly exceptional.” Kaname smiled as she looked over at Stacy. “I have another person you might look into.” Kaname laughed, looking over at Mr. Smith. He was unsuccessfully trying to get some pigeons to eat liverwurst. “Sorry, I was just kidding. Stacy will no doubt mention it in her report.”
The man had called to inform her that the crisis in North Korea was indeed over, as best as Mithril could determine. He would not pass along any details over the telephone. He asked where she was and what she was doing.
“I’m in the City, sitting on a frozen bench. I’m freezing my buns off while I rest my feet. My sister is here, along with Stacy and a bodyguard my father hired.”
The agent informed her that it should be safe to return home when she liked. If she would do like she did before, they would send some people in to give her aircraft a quick once over, disguised as luggage handlers and flight attendants. He surprised Kaname by telling her that one of the stewardesses on the other flight had been a temporary replacement… and a Mithril hireling.
“It’s safe to go home. Does that mean Sousuke will be there??? I’m sorry, I meant Sgt. Sagara.” Kaname waited breathlessly.
The operative told him that he was not permitted to speak about military personnel and their whereabouts. He wished her good luck and a happy holiday season before hanging up.
Kaname was very eager to get home now. With Oichi distracting her father, she would call Sousuke’s apartment and see if he was back yet. She knew he would probably be in debriefing for a while, but at the very least she could leave him a phone message.
Tokyo was safe.
If Oichi was as convincing as Kaname thought she was, her father would just have to give her permission to return to Japan.
Things were really looking up!
Before finally heading home, Kaname wheedled and pleaded with an exhausted Mr. Smith, convincing him to drive her by some of her old haunts. She particularly wanted to see her old school. She ended up speaking with a number of teachers and had shared a cup of coffee with the Principal. A lot of pleasant memories came to mind as she walked through the hallways and took a lap around the school grounds.
Arriving home, they all found a scrumptious meal waiting for them. Yes, it was leftovers, but anything her father fixed the second day tasted as good as it did the first, if not better. He always took time to address any culinary flaws the second time around. He was very gracious in accepting Mr. Smith’s bedraggled liverwurst sandwich.
After eating, they all enjoyed a pleasant evening of talking and television. Shunya gave the girls some money and sent them off to rent some movies. They made popcorn, watched until everyone was asleep or close to it. When Kaname finally turned in, she had to admit that it had been a very fine day.
There had been only one disappointment. Sousuke never answered his phone. Kaname had tried throughout the evening.
--------------------------------
The next day passed much the same. The girls had visited different areas of the city until they were worn out from walking, shopping, and exploring.
Before she knew it, it was nearing time for bed.
Shunya approached Kaname privately and had a word with her. Oichi had convinced him. He had reserved a flight to Tokyo, two mornings hence. Filled with emotion, he told her that he trusted her and knew she would do the right thing. He surprised his eldest daughter by asking about Sousuke.
“Remember, I will send the two of you a pair of tickets any time you want to visit.” It hadn’t been easy for him, Kaname could tell. But, he loved his daughters and wanted them both to be happy.
“I’m certain Oichi would like to meet the young man as well. She’s a good judge of character.” That statement felt slightly ominous, but Kaname didn’t mind.
She couldn’t believe her good fortune. Not too long ago, the world seemed cold and dark. Now, everything was bright and full of hope. She slept like a baby.
She hadn’t gotten any word from Sousuke, but wasn’t worried yet. That would start the next evening, at the supper table.
The phone rang. Kaname thought nothing of it until her father tapped her on the shoulder. “There’s gentleman on the line. He asked to speak with you. He mentioned Mithril.” The last words were whispered into her ear.
“Oh!” Kaname grabbed the phone and ran into her bedroom. She didn’t know whether to be excited or scared.
“This is Kaname Chidori.” Her heart sank when she realized who had called.
It was Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin. Hearing his voice, it seemed as if the entire world shrunk down and pressed against her. She almost dropped the phone, her fingers going limp.
This could not be good news.
She could only think of one reason he would call her, here.
The words burned themselves into her mind without mercy. She wanted to cry. She needed to scream.
“I am sorry to pass along this information to you, Miss Chidori. I understand that your father had consented for you to return home, so I wished to appraise you of the situation personally….” The Russian gentleman’s voice was as firm and as kindly as it had always been. She thought she could detect a slight hint of pain.
“Sousuke….”
“Yes. I should start off by saying we should all be grateful for his actions. He was single-handedly responsible for averting a terrible plot that had been a hair’s breadth away from throwing the world into a new Dark Age.” There was a touch of pride there, too.
Kaname didn’t want to hear any more. Sousuke’s commanding officer was trying to soften some terrible blow.
“I cannot give you the details over the phone, but promise to give you the entire story if we meet again. It pains me to inform you that Sgt. Sagara’s Arm Slave was lost at sea three days ago. The locator beacon worked adequately for a short while, then went dead. Rescue teams have scoured land and water, without any luck. There has been no word from him. We will continue to hold out hope.”
“I see.” It was all that Kaname could bring herself to say.
“If there is anything we can do for you, please do not hesitate to ask. You need not worry about your safety. You will be well taken care of.”
“Thank you,” Kaname said. Her voice broke. “Please, find him….”
“We’ll will do our bet, Miss Chidori. We want him back. He is one of our best.” There had been a catch in Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin’s voice as well. It was a stake in her heart. If that rugged man was hit that hard, the outcome must be bleak.
Kaname held onto the phone for a long time, not hearing the busy signal. She tried not to think. Her mind dumped too many thoughts at once. Sousuke was gone. Chances were he was dead.
There was a soft knock at her door. She walked slowly over and opened it. Her father stood there, a look of concern on his face. Kaname hesitated a moment, then threw herself into his arms, sobbing.
“Oh Daddy!” Her voice was muffled by his sweater. “Sousuke… Sousuke is missing… he saved everybody… and now he is probably dead…” She shook uncontrollably. Her father stroked her hair, a grief stricken look on his face. Kaname cried and spoke until she ran down.
Ayame peaked around the corner, surprised by what she saw and heard. Tears coming to her eyes, she walked up and put her arms around Kaname and her father.
xxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxx
Kaname sat listlessly by her telephone, resting her head against the back of the chair. She turned something around in her hands, absentmindedly. It was the figurine she had gotten for Sousuke.
She had just gotten off of the phone with Kyouko. Kaname had not gone to school since she had arrived back in Tokyo. Her friend was worried about her.
Kaname had answered only because she hoped it would be word about Sousuke, one way or another. She couldn’t just hang up on her friend, even though she wanted to be alone right then. Kyouko had said that she would stop by some time that evening, to bring her some food and see how she was doing.
The phone remained quiet after that. From time to time, Kaname would stare at it with an accusatory glare.
She forced herself to stand up and walk over to one of the windows. Sighing, she pulled back the curtain. The sun looked so bright. The sky was so clear. For everyone else, this must be a beautiful day.
It had been hard leaving Ayame and her father. She had tears in her eyes when she hugged Oichi. Stacy had gone along as well, offering support. A tear ran down her face. She shook her head.
“Moron.” She was speaking about herself.
She had dreaded going to New York. Then, she had regretted her decision to come back here.
“Big idiot.” She was thinking of Sousuke now, staring down at the boy’s face on the figurine.
The plane flight had been horrible. She couldn’t remember a thing that happened. A Mithril van picked her up at the airport, at Tessa’s insistence. The driver reiterated what Lt. Kalinin’s aide told her earlier that day. There was still no sign of Arbalest, or of Sousuke.
Nothing could have prepared her for the wall of feelings she ran into when she got back to her apartment. The card that Sousuke had given here was sitting on the center of her table.
“I need the starshine of your heavenly eyes, after the day’s great sun. And if I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I’d walk through a garden forever.” Kaname repeated the words that Sousuke had written. They only brought her sadness at that moment.
Her stomach growled. Kaname wanted to ignore it, but couldn’t. She hadn’t eaten in two days. It was time she perked back up again.
She had gotten past denial. She was still angry, but the feeling had died down. She had tried her hand at bargaining, but nothing that she did or promised had brought Sousuke back. Her depression held to her like a sopping wet sweater, but it no longer had her paralyzed.
As she filled a pot with water, she heard the doorbell ring. Kyouko. That was good timing. There wasn’t much left to eat in her apartment.
“Coming, Ky!” She dried her hands on a dishrag and tossed it back in the direction of the kitchen. She didn’t bother looking out of the peep hole before pulling the door open.
It wasn’t Kyouko.
It wasn’t even a girl.
A bedraggled looking young man stood there, his hair unkempt and his face covered with near a week’s worth of stubble. His eyes were sunken and his mouth was trembling ever so slightly.
“Sousuke….” Kaname blinked repeatedly, wondering if she was seeing things.
The young man was staring back at her, his eyes taking in every inch of her, as if he had never seen her before, or this was the last he would be able to look at her.
“Kaname… I…”
Kaname felt like she was going to burst. It WAS him. But what was that big idiot doing, just standing there looking shy and undecided?
She felt her muscles tighten. It took every ounce of strength not to fling herself on him.
No. She would be dignified. That would teach him a good lesson. Hmmmpppfff!
“Sousuke, please come in. You’re not a stranger, you know!” Kaname smiled, but her smile wilted somewhat when she saw Sousuk’e response. Something was bothering him.
“Thank you, Kaname…” His eyes went to the card. Both of his hands twitched. He looked into Kaname’s eyes, then quickly looked away.
Kaname swallowed, hard. The moment she had been praying for was actually here, but she found herself worried, even disappointed. A slight surge of anger built up in her as well.
This was NOT what she had hoped for. He had left her in the middle of a romantic crescendo, but returned quiet and subdued.
Had he thought about the two of them? Was that it? Did he decide he couldn’t care for her, or didn’t want to?
“So… uh… Sousuke… where have you been.” The words had come out so casually, as if she were asking about the weather. It didn’t fool Sousuke, though. She saw him straighten his shoulders and look deeply into her eyes. He looked older somehow. Why?
“May I sit. I haven’t eaten much. I am very weak.”
“Sure. Here. Let me move this. It’s something I got for you.” Kaname bit her lip. She was mumbling like a young school girl at her first dance. She handed Sousuke the figurine.
“Thank you.” Sousuke sat, looking at the gift. He closed his eyes for a few moments, breathing deeply. “You wished to know where I was.”
“Yes. Please, Sousuke.” Kaname had given in. She let down her tough exterior. Her heart was in her voice. Her eyes widened. Sousuke seemed to know that. She could just tell.
“I have been through so much….” He stopped, running his hand through his hair. “No. I will speak about all that when I can. For the past few days, I have been living in a peasant’s hut, on the coastline in North Korea. I had left Arbalest under the waves, just out beyond the breakwater.”
“But why so long? Were there soldiers everywhere? Why didn’t Mithril come and retrieve you?” Kaname was clearly confused.
“I did not call them. I had disabled my signal beacon. I crawled the ARX-7 along the seabed until we reached land. I lived on what I could, staying any place that proved safe.” There was more that Sousuke hadn’t said. Kaname was eager to hear everything.
“Why, Sousuke?”
“I did not want them to find me yet.”
Those words filled Kaname with dread. What had gone wrong? Had Kurz or Melissa been killed? Had Sousuke made a larger mistake than before? Did the Lambda Driver malfunction again, just when he needed it?
“Why? What happened?”
Sosuke gave Kaname a brief capsular summary of his treatment, the results, and the mission. He didn’t go into too much detail, and did not mention his various thoughts about her.
“But, it wasn’t your fault! You must know that, you big idiot!” Kaname walked over and kneeled by Souske’s side. She took his hand in hers and squeezed it. “It was brave to take those medicines. And you were a hero. You saved us all.”
Sousuke looked at her, his eyes watering. “No, Kaname. ‘We.’ We saved everyone.”
Kaname looked up at him, baffled. Was he OK? Did things somehow damage his memory? Was he suffering psychological problems? Could that explain his behavior?
“Me? I wasn’t even there. My father called me back to New York with him and my sister. I have stories to tell you, too.”
Sousuke’s gaze became intense. He set his jaw. It looked as if he had come to some kind of a conclusion.
“I did not want to leave you Kaname. I thought a lot about that kiss.”
Kaname blushed. She wished the big jerk would lean over and kiss her again. Now!
“I agreed to undergo the procedure because there really was no other choice. I was the only one who could do the job. But, I also did it because you were in danger.”
Kaname stood up and walked behind Sousuke. She wrapped her arms around him and put her head on his shoulder.
“Yes. I remembered that feeling too,” he said quietly. “Your hair smelled different, then. Cleaner.”
Kaname frowned. So my hair smells dirty now or something?
“When I was going through the changes, I thought about you as well. Uh…I…should not speak about that….” Sosuke blushed. Kaname could not see that from her angle. She did feel his entire body jerk, however.
“Really? What were you thinking?” Kaname spoke directly into Sousuke’s ear.
“Uh…I should move on… there are more things to mention. I was not myself, at one point. Or maybe I was myself, more than I had ever been before.” Sousuke paused. Kaname stood up, wanting to see his face.
“It’s OK, Sousuke. You can tell me anything. I want you to tell me everything. Now, or whenever you feel able.” Kaname smiled. It was amazing, standing here and seeing him. He was alive.
“So, how did I save the world?”
“When I was on the edge, and could go either way, something kept calling me back.” He reached his hand out, then pulled it back. “It was you.”
Tears came to Kaname’s eyes. She had dreamed about him opening up to her like this.
“Your image stopped me from killing Kurz and Melissa…” His eyes looked haunted. Kaname knew he would have some major things to work through. Her heart went out to him.
“When the part of me in control wanted to fight rather than destroy the missiles, thoughts of you made the difference. You saved the day, Kaname. I am very grateful.” Sousuke’s mouth formed a thin tight line.
He was struggling with something.
What?
Kaname read between the words. She smiled. Sousuke was weak and tired. This would be a good time to get a confession out of him. She told herself it was OK to be ruthless with the one you care for.
“But Sousuke, I wasn’t there. What about me won the battle?”
“I… uh… have attempted to explain. I heard your voice. I saw your image….”
“I know that, mister! I’m not deaf. Was it your feelings for me?” Kaname kept from grinning.
“Uh….”
Bingo.
“Sousuke?” It felt good to be playing this game again.
“I… well…”
“Hmmm….” Kananme put her hand on Souske’s knee as she sat by his side. She purposefully looked away, thinking that would make him feel less pressured.
“Yes, Kaname.”
Kaname waited silently.
“Well?” She began tapping her foot. Sousuke stared at it and began to sweat.
“Kaname?”
“What ABOUT your feelings, soldier?” Kaname took off one shoe and began tossing it up in the air, catching it.
Sousuke watched the shoe go up. He watched it come down. He watched it go up again…”
“SOUSUKE!!!”
The soldier’s legs twitched. He fought the urge to stand at attention and salute.
“Kaname. I thought a lot about you. I thought that I might….”
Souske stopped.
He ran his hand through his hair again.
He bowed his head.
It was driving Kaname crazy. She caught herself. Moments ago she had been depressed. Now, she was excited. Because of this no good clueless otaku goofball!
She couldn’t think of any place she’d rather be.
“Sousuke, I am tired of tossing the shoe. Do you have any suggestions for what I might do while I wait for you to find your tongue?” Oops, the old fire was coming back.
“Do you have any dirty laundry, Kaname?” His voice had been the same as it had been so many times in the past.
Kaname started to shout, until she caught sight of his eyes and mouth. He was making fun of himself. She was sure of it!
“I’m looking at it!!!” She put her hands on her hips. “So, I’m not worth talking to am I?”
That ought to work.
Sousuke looked up at her. His face went blank. She wasn’t fooled.
“Then your feelings must not be very strong…”
Kaname would bait him with that one. He’d be worried that she might doubt him or be hurt. He’d answer now.
There was movement on his face. He looked sad for a second, then looked away. What was wrong? Kaname started to worry.
This wasn’t a game any more.
“Sousuke….” her voice was close to a whisper. “What’s wrong?”
He looked up at her. He put the figurine down on the table. Standing, he walked over to the window.
“I care very much for you, Kaname. I shouldn’t, because I am assigned to protect you…”
Kaname’s fingers dug into her palms. Was that what this was all about? He cared about her, but refused to follow through on his feelings because of duty and obligation?
No!
That big idiot! Jerk. Moron.
You were so close. We were so close.
“But, I cannot stop the way that I feel for you. And, I do not want to…”
Kaname held her breath. Would he say it? Could he say that he was in love with her? Was he?
“It…I…” He rubbed his eyes with hands, going silent.
Oooh! If he was doing this on purpose, Kaname would kill him. She would mourn his loss, but so help her God she would kill him!
“I know that I am not like other boys. That can not be helped, not with my past.” Sousuke sounded wistful, as if he were Pinnochio wishing to be a human boy.
“I know, Sousuke. But that’s not a bad thing. It’s why I… it’s why I care about you. Very very much.” Kaname stood up and walked over to him.
“I missed you so much. I was so very scared.”
He’d better take the cue. She needed to be hugged.
Sousuke reached out and cupped one side of her face with his hand and stared at her. He knew what she wanted. He wanted it too. But, he needed to finish what he was saying.
“It’s more than my past though, Kaname. The medicines. They removed all of the boundaries. I saw things about myself. I did things I shouldn’t have done.” His defenses fell. He looked grief stricken.
“I cannot be certain the boundaries will hold. I am not certain who or what I am.”
Kaname took matters into her own hands. She lowered Sousuke’s arm. She stepped up and grabbed him in a fierce hug.
“You are Sousuke Sagara, sergeant of Mithril. You are also a foolish and clueless otaku. Not to mention moron, jerk, big idiot, and stupid head.” She made a small happy sound. “That is good enough for me.”
“But…”
Kaname stomped on Sousuke’s foot. “No buts, Sousuke. I understand what you are saying. I trust you. I want to help you learn to trust yourself. I’ve been there….”
“Kaname…”
“Sousuke, we can do this together. We are going to do this together. I am not giving you a choice, do you understand? I will take the risk. Aren’t you willing to do the same?”
She pushed back and looked up at him.
Her eyes were impossibly large. Sousuke felt as if he was falling down into them, with no hope of catching himself. Those lips. They looked the same as in his memories. He closed his eyes. He couldn’t watch them.
“But….”
“Are you trying to be noble, Sousuke?” Kaname sounded angry.
“Uh…”
“You’re trying to protect me, right?” She clenched her hands.
“Uh…”
“You’re going to make a big sacrifice for my sake?” The look on her face said ‘Big mistake!’
“Uh…”
Kaname frowned.
Her eyes flashed.
Her lips pulled back and showed her teeth
“I don’t want noble.” She poked him hard in the chest. “I don’t need protecting.” She put her finger on his nose. “You do your sacrificing for your own sake.” She kicked him lightly in the shin.
“I…… want…… you!!!” her each word was punctuated by a shake of his body.
After catching her breath, she added something in a quiet voice. “And, I want to be kissed.”
Sousuke just looked down at her, his face awash in conflicting emotions. It was one thing to do a lot of thinking. It was another thing altogether to be faced with the object of your desires.
The mind was willing, but the flesh was weak.
Kaname was right.
“Well, Sousuke?” Kaname eyes pleaded with him.
“I should be headed back to my apartment now….”
Sousuke’s words hit Kaname like the blunt end of an axe. She suddenly felt numb.
“There is something I should do first.” Sousuke lifted her chin, bent over, and gave Kaname a soft kiss on the lips.
He tried to pull away.
Kaname came to life.
That bastard!
Where had he learned to be so sneaky! Tease her will he?
She threw her arms around his neck.
“That was pitiful, sergeant. Really bad. We have a lot of work to do!” She couldn’t keep a straight face. Her smile said it all.
“Affirmative.”
This wasn’t an official memorial---one such project was in the design stage. Nonetheless, the impact was tremendous. She felt tears running down her face. Looking over at Stacy and Ayame, she realized that they were solemn and silent as well. Even the usual comic figure of Mr. Smith had taken on a new light.
The rotund bodyguard ran his fingers over a list of names, stopping ever so often. He bowed his head. There was a boquet of cut flowers in his hand. Whispered names sat on his trembling lips.
A large glass-covered display panel stood at the site of the fallen World Trade Center. The name of each and every man and woman lost in that tragedy was displayed in the impromptu Ground Zero Memorial. The small group of women and men standing there cried, prayed, or looked on hesitantly, trying to find some kind of understanding.
Kaname knew that Sousuke’s name wasn’t on the list. That didn’t keep her from wondering if it might not end up on the list of fallen heroes kept on the TDD-1. Seeing the names of the victims helped her appreciate just what Sousuke did. He repeatedly put his own life on the line, to help prevent the need for more memorials like this one.
“Lest We Forget.”
Yes. She would never forget Sousuke if he happened to lose his life in Korea. But, she should never forget what he was, if he remained alive. Too many people made that mistake in life.
“You never know what you have until it’s gone.”
Peace. Freedom. Security.
Love.
Kaname watched a young boy put a letter and a small stuffed animal on the pile of items at the foot of the memorial. An older woman stuck an American flag next to a Canadian flag. There were flags of many nations there. How many countries mourned their sons and daughters because of a senseless act of terrorism?
She read the facts printed on one poster. The final death toll was put at 2,823. Of those, 343 had been firefighters. Only 1,102 remains had been identified. No more than 28 bodies had been removed intact.
Kaname coughed, the cold air ravaging her throat. What would the numbers be if Tokyo was struck by a nuclear weapon? What would happen to Kyouko, Maya, Ren, Ryo, and Shinji? At that moment, she could even forgive the people like Shirai, who were normally nothing but a blemish on her existence.
Her eyes continued their journey. It had taken eight months to clear the sixteen acre plot of land. That had been far ahead of schedule, thanks to the Herculean efforts or countless men and women. There had been an estimated three million work hours invested. It had taken 108,342 truckloads to cart away the 1.8million tons of steel and concrete.
Kaname bowed her head and placed it against the glass. She couldn’t move. There was a feeling of loss beyond words. Her fears began to pull at her. Life was such an uncertain thing. It was so precious.
Looking down at the row of flags at her feet, she saw one from her own country. For a moment, she thought about the irony of standing at such a site in a country that had been responsible for the destruction at Hiroshima and Nagasaki. She felt no need for judgment---Sousuke given her an unbiased account of the war. She knew about the dirty bombs that Japan had been preparing for San Francisco with German help.
It wasn’t about who did what to whom. What mattered was the innocent people, the men and women going about their work, trying to make a better world for themselves and their children. They had suffered before. There was always the chance that they would suffer again.
There was a seventeen year old boy out there fighting for their lives. How could so much responsibility rest on someone so young? Why had she always been so eager to dismiss him as some annoying pest? Why had she been so angry about his steadfast adherence to duty and obligation?
There was so much she wanted to tell him. There were things she could do to help him. In that way, maybe she could help those innocent men, women, and children too.
Kaname placed a small ceramic figurine on the ground, next to a clusters of letters and cards. It was one she had taken from the Christmas tree with her father’s blessing. It was a simple but expressive replica of a dove.
She had wanted to come here first, before going shopping. It had been a restless night, with her tossing and turning in her bed, wondering what was happening in North Korea. Somehow, she knew that standing here would put her in touch with feelings and fears that she hadn’t allowed herself to deal with before.
Breakfast had left her in a much different mood. After Ayame had banged on her door again, she shambled out to the kitchen, her hair in total disarray and her eyes barely open. She needed to eat, if only to regain enough stamina to throttle her sister.
She was shocked to see Oichi there. She had gone home after spending long hours sitting and talking with her father. Sitting in one of the ornate carven chairs, she looked as fresh and as spritely as ever. Kaname could almost hate her for that. Worse, she had made the breakfast. It was delicious! Naturally, she just had to be a terrific cook too.
Kaname had found herself torn for a moment. An idea had crept into her head. Wouldn’t it be nice to be around someone like Oichi? It would be wonderful to have a woman she could look up to. She could learn about cooking. Then she could make even better meals for Sousuke. The paradox had been infuriating.
“Ayame. Did you wake up Stacy?” She had asked the question while spooning fruit preserves on a home made muffin..
“Of course not! She needs her sleep.” Ayame’s answer earned her a short but effective round of tickling. It had been a near thing. Her sister had almost ended up wearing the muffin, jam and all.
Yes. It had felt wonderful, kidding around with Ayame. It had felt marvelous looking over at her father and seeing him smile at them. It had been nice to see the look that Oichi gave him. Everything had seemed OK in the universe for that short moment of time.
Her thoughts had then turned to Sousuke. She wished that he could have been there with them. More than anyone else she knew, he could benefit from the sense of family… the feeling that he belonged, was accepted, and could be held in affection.
Kaname looked over at Mr. Smith. He was wiping tears from his eyes, pretending he was doing anything but that. She surprised herself by smiling. There was good in most people, wasn’t there? All you needed to do was look.
Stacy had her hand on Ayame’s shoulder. Kaname’s younger sister had her face in her hands. She had read a card posted on the bulletin board. It was from a boy writing to his deceased sister. She had been a stewardess on United Airline Flight 175.
The power of shopping would be sorely tested. Would the age old miracle be able to lift the girls’ spirits?
After leaving the memorial, the small group hailed a taxi cab and headed off for one of the larger shopping areas. Stopped at one light, Mr. Smith called to a street vendor and bought soft pretzels for everyone. They were warm, chewy, and flavorful.
Kaname sat back in her seat and thought back to the times she had walked these streets with her mother. She remembered getting pretzels and sitting in the park. They had gotten unshelled peanuts and walked from shop to shop. Other times, it had been Italian ices or hot dogs.
On special days, they had all gone together, her father wearing his favorite suit, and Ayame in a stroller. Kaname looked over at her sister and smiled. She had a large splotch of mustard on her shirt and was trying frantically to rub it away.
‘Mom. I miss you. I’ve been through so much. There is someone I want you to meet. I hope he’s OK. I don’t want you to see him before I do.’
Kaname looked out of the car window, seeing a number of couples walking together. It made her feel wistful.
‘Mom. There’s someone else, too. She’s very nice. There’s no way she can ever take your place, but I think you would like her. She’s good for Daddy.’
Yes. Shopping would be good. Kaname felt a need to move, to look, to buy. It was difficult, caught up so much in her thoughts.
Stacy paid the driver. She said it was her treat. Kaname and her family had been so nice to her, making it feel as if she had known them all of her life.
Mr. Smith walked behind the girls, his eyes darting left to right, up and down. His entire posture and bearing was different. He knew these streets. He had walked them before. This was his element. His past experience took over. Every so often, while Stacy was busy chatting with Kaname or her sister, the bodyguard would call out instructions or tell them to hold up.
Ayame almost bought a watch for her father. Kaname put her hand on her purse and told her to keep on walking.
“But Kaname, it was a Rolex. The price was so great!” Ayame looked shocked when Stacy told her about street hustlers and con men. She began looking at everybody with a different eye.
“People are not who they always seem, kiddo.” Kaname had laughed when she said it, glad to share her hard-earned wisdom with her sister. She smiled then, wondering just how wise she was. She had misjudged a certain scruffy soldier. She had been handed an ugly mud-caked rock. When she took the time to wash away the dirt, she had found a diamond underneath.
It would be good to see him again.!
See him. Hold him. Kiss him.
He’d better want to kiss her again, the big idiot. Moron. Jerk!
She knew he’d be OK. He always was. Ever since she had known him, he kept coming back to her. Before it had been duty and obligation. This time it would be something different. At least she hoped so.
“You have to come back, Sousuke. Do you hear me?” She whispered the question, feeling herself shiver from a sudden fierce gust of icy wind. “I didn’t say you could stay away….”
They walked by a large TV and stereo emporium with televisions sitting in barred front windows. A number of the sites were on, showing various channels. One show, the national news, caught Kaname’s attention. She stood there as the other girls walked on.
There was a map of North Korea.
Pictures of nuclear missiles and troops were shown as accent pieces. Unconcerned how she might look, Kaname put her ear up against the cold glass. What were they saying?!
“…danger abated…”
“…unknown forces…”
“…unsuspected weapons…”
“…furious battle…”
“…restoration of sovereignty…’
A hand pulled at her shoulder, moving her ear off of the window. “Come on, Sis. Stop acting weird. Let’s GO….” Ayame was taken aback by the look on her sister’s face.
Kaname listened again. There was nothing specific. But, the anchorwoman had said that the crisis was abated. That meant Tokyo and her friends would be OK! It also meant that Mithril must have been successful!
Didn’t that mean that Sousuke had to be safe? Her heart soared, higher than the pigeons that Ayame sent to the air, running into their midst. But just like those ubiquitous birds, her feelings soon returned to earth. She remembered one particular day. She had been aboard Da Danaan. They had wheeled an unconscious Melissa by her on a stretcher.
“Any news?” Stacy asked. She obviously knew what Kaname had been doing.
“Nothing definite, not that I expected that. It sounds like the crisis is over.” Kaname pushed her hair out of her face, a worried look on her face.
“Maybe I’ll hear something later,” Stacy said, trying to cheer Kaname up. “You should shop for him, you know? Look for things he might like. Looks for things he might like to see on you.” Stacy paused, a wicked look in her eyes. “Look for something he might like to take off of you….”
Kaname blushed. She immediately looked to see where Ayame was. “Stacy! We don’t have that kind of relationship. We only kissed that once.”
Stacy smiled. “Who knows what might happen, right?” The blond bodyguard was being a bit disingenuous. She and her boyfriend were going steady, but hadn’t been to bed together. Still, it was fun to tease Kaname.
As it turned out, they passed by a fancy lingerie shop. Stacy stopped and grabbed hold of Kaname’s arm. She pointed by nodding her head. Kaname swallowed hard.
“We can’t go in there! You know how my father feels. If blabbermouth Ayame told him that I was even walking past that kind of stuff, I would be sent to a convent!” Kaname almost looked frantic.
“No problem. Leave it to Stacy. See over there, a nice woman’s clothier. A few doors down, one of the best deli’s in the city. Just watch and learn.” Stacy walked over to Mr. Smith and spoke to him and Ayame.
“Mr. Smith, Kaname and I would like to look in that clothing store over there. You’re more than welcome to join us if you like. We ought to be safe with me there.” She lifted her shopping bag off of the sidewalk, then put it back down. “That deli over there has some of the best corned beef and pastrami sandwiches on the east coast. But, you’ll have to wait in line.”
She saw the large man’s eyes light up. He looked torn.
“They also have a wonderful bakery inside. Warm flakey pastries that can melt in your mouth. More cookies than anyone could hope to eat in a lifetime.”
Ayame took a firm grasp on Mr. Smith’s wrist and began dragging him after her. Mission accomplished.
Kaname just shook her head and smiled. Stacy was a piece of work.
“So… ready?” Stacy laughed when Kaname blushed. She was enjoying herself. It was good to be hanging out with another girl her own age. Her secret identity didn’t give her much time for that any more.
Kaname stammered, but followed after the quickly striding girl.
“Welcome to the shop, ladies.” A lovely matronly woman smiled when they stepped inside. “Looking for something special for that someone special?”
“Yes, she is.” Stacy answered for Kaname.
Kaname shook her head, blushing. She dug in her heals as Stacy pushed her along.
“Come on Kaname, don’t get all serious now. If you find something you like, buy it… I can stash it in my bag… no one is going to look in there!” Stacy tossed her hair. “Besides, we’re not here so much as to buy as we are to try things on. Come on! Lighten up!”
The blue-haired girl developed a routine. First, her eyes would grow impossibly wide, seeing a certain nightie or naughty piece displayed on a store dummy. Next, she would reach her hand towards it, as if it were a snake about to strike. She’d pull that hand back quickly. Then, her pride spurring her on, she’d pick up something in her size and head for the dressing area. Moments later, she would come hurrying back and put it back on the rack, unable to work up the courage to try it on.
Stacy on the other hand, seemed eager to try on everything she could.
“That special day is going to come sooner or later. It should be something special, not some sweaty scene in the back of a car or some cheap run down motel. No harm in getting ready for that, is there?” Stacy looked at herself in a mirror and turned red.
Kaname froze, feeling as if someone had dipped her into a bubbling vat of liquid nitrogen.
Then, inexplicably, she began to sweat.
She remembered the feel of Sousuke’s arms around her. She could recall the scent of his cologne. The kiss. Naturally she remembered the kiss. There was a slight stirring inside of her. She blushed again. It felt as if everyone in the shop was staring at her, even the manikins.
No. This was not the time or place to be thinking about sex. Well, maybe not the time. There was no way she was going to rush that part of her life. She was captivated by the very thought of being in love, but she had no fanciful illusions about it. Too many good things had turned sour in her life. No. She was not going to rush into anything, only to regret it later!
That sounded true. Still, a small part of her raised its hand, asking for permission to speak. She cautiously agreed. It might not be any time soon. It may not even be with a surprisingly charming but clueless young sergeant. But, the day would come, wouldn’t it? What harm would there be in preparing, even if the event was years down the road?
She could buy something now, and put it away for later. It would certainly be associated with the memories of this momentous stay, wouldn’t it?
Kaname convinced herself to try a number of things on. Walking up to the cashier, she saw Stacy there. Both girls looked at one another and blushed. Both fought to keep from giggling under the watch of the knowing cashier.
After that, they did spend time in the woman’s shop. Kaname felt the urge to buy a nice new outfit or two, wanting to look good for Sousuke. The thought made her frown. No doubt she would end up looking gorgeous, and that knucklehead would show up wearing some tattered pair of khakis or something in camouflage colors. Big stupid head!
Kaname told Stacy what had her miffed.
“They’re boys, Kaname. If it’s not uniforms, it’s something! You should see the things my boyfriend wears sometimes. Shirts from his old sports teams. Rock T-shirts. The newest Neanderthal fashions. It took me an entire week to talk him into wearing a tux at the junior prom!” Stacy stomped her foot. Kaname smiled.
Eventually, they found Ayame and Mr. Smith waiting for them outside. When Ayame asked what Kaname had bought, she was able to answer without lying. She had gotten a nice selection of clothing.
“You guys hungry?” Mr. Smith took a half of a pastrami sandwich from one pocket and the remnants of a liverwurst sandwich from the other. Fortunately, they were both wrapped. “Good stuff!”
“Uh… I’ll pass.” Stacy said quickly.
“Me too,” Kaname added.
“Cherry turnover?” Ayame asked.
“Yes!” Kaname said, feeling her stomach grumble.
“You bet!” Stacy’s eyes lit up.
“Too bad!” Ayame rubbed her tummy. “It was really good, though. Thought you’d want to know that.”
Mr. Smith stepped in from of Ayame to shield her.
‘Now the man has to do his job,’ Kaname groused to herself.
Mr. Smith was only too glad to accompany the girls to a nice café. When everyone had eaten to his or her fill, they set out sightseeing. If Kaname was not going to have to stay in America, she wanted to take advantage of the opportunity.
They took cabs. They rode the subway. They took a ferry across to the Statue of Liberty.
Kaname felt like she was Queen of the World, standing at the top of the Empire State Building. Snow covered the tops of the lower buildings around her. She held onto the railing tightly. She knew she wasn’t going to fall… that would take quite some effort, requiring one to climb past security barriers and jump. Just the same, she clutched at the nearest support. At one time in her life, she might have wanted to jump from such a place. Now, she treasure her life, no matter how different it was since she found out that she was Whispered. Her visit with family had reminded her just how much the world had to offer.
“Want something while we wait for the elevator?” The liverwurst sandwich appeared in Mr. Smith’s hand again. Kaname was tempted to grab it and toss it over the side. No. Sousuke would probably waltz in from his mission unscathed, while she would show up with a prison tattoo and a criminal record.
“No thank you.” Kaname kept from laughing. She pictured Mr. Smith in her mind, jumping off of the building to save is sandwich. He could probably finish it before hitting bottom.
Sitting on a park bench later, Kaname needed to catch her breath. They had certainly done and seen a lot. She had picked up a couple of trinkets for her apartment and a thank you gift for her father, and one for Oichi too.
She looked down at one bag and smiled. She had found something for Sousuke. It was a book called ‘The Greatest Military Blunders In History.’ He’d love it… if he didn’t already have a copy… the moron! Yes, before she gave it to him, she’d tape his picture on one page and reference it in the index.
Rummaging through her bag, she took out another item and looked at it. It was silly, she knew. If any of her friends had aid they were going to give something like that to a boy, she would have gagged. That was then. This was now. It was a keepsake figurine… a boy and girl holding hands.
Kamame smiled.
Her cellular phone rang. She had to hurry and take off her mittens before she could answer.
“Hello?”
It was the Mithril operative she had spoken to the day before.
“Yes, she has. Yes, she is truly exceptional.” Kaname smiled as she looked over at Stacy. “I have another person you might look into.” Kaname laughed, looking over at Mr. Smith. He was unsuccessfully trying to get some pigeons to eat liverwurst. “Sorry, I was just kidding. Stacy will no doubt mention it in her report.”
The man had called to inform her that the crisis in North Korea was indeed over, as best as Mithril could determine. He would not pass along any details over the telephone. He asked where she was and what she was doing.
“I’m in the City, sitting on a frozen bench. I’m freezing my buns off while I rest my feet. My sister is here, along with Stacy and a bodyguard my father hired.”
The agent informed her that it should be safe to return home when she liked. If she would do like she did before, they would send some people in to give her aircraft a quick once over, disguised as luggage handlers and flight attendants. He surprised Kaname by telling her that one of the stewardesses on the other flight had been a temporary replacement… and a Mithril hireling.
“It’s safe to go home. Does that mean Sousuke will be there??? I’m sorry, I meant Sgt. Sagara.” Kaname waited breathlessly.
The operative told him that he was not permitted to speak about military personnel and their whereabouts. He wished her good luck and a happy holiday season before hanging up.
Kaname was very eager to get home now. With Oichi distracting her father, she would call Sousuke’s apartment and see if he was back yet. She knew he would probably be in debriefing for a while, but at the very least she could leave him a phone message.
Tokyo was safe.
If Oichi was as convincing as Kaname thought she was, her father would just have to give her permission to return to Japan.
Things were really looking up!
Before finally heading home, Kaname wheedled and pleaded with an exhausted Mr. Smith, convincing him to drive her by some of her old haunts. She particularly wanted to see her old school. She ended up speaking with a number of teachers and had shared a cup of coffee with the Principal. A lot of pleasant memories came to mind as she walked through the hallways and took a lap around the school grounds.
Arriving home, they all found a scrumptious meal waiting for them. Yes, it was leftovers, but anything her father fixed the second day tasted as good as it did the first, if not better. He always took time to address any culinary flaws the second time around. He was very gracious in accepting Mr. Smith’s bedraggled liverwurst sandwich.
After eating, they all enjoyed a pleasant evening of talking and television. Shunya gave the girls some money and sent them off to rent some movies. They made popcorn, watched until everyone was asleep or close to it. When Kaname finally turned in, she had to admit that it had been a very fine day.
There had been only one disappointment. Sousuke never answered his phone. Kaname had tried throughout the evening.
--------------------------------
The next day passed much the same. The girls had visited different areas of the city until they were worn out from walking, shopping, and exploring.
Before she knew it, it was nearing time for bed.
Shunya approached Kaname privately and had a word with her. Oichi had convinced him. He had reserved a flight to Tokyo, two mornings hence. Filled with emotion, he told her that he trusted her and knew she would do the right thing. He surprised his eldest daughter by asking about Sousuke.
“Remember, I will send the two of you a pair of tickets any time you want to visit.” It hadn’t been easy for him, Kaname could tell. But, he loved his daughters and wanted them both to be happy.
“I’m certain Oichi would like to meet the young man as well. She’s a good judge of character.” That statement felt slightly ominous, but Kaname didn’t mind.
She couldn’t believe her good fortune. Not too long ago, the world seemed cold and dark. Now, everything was bright and full of hope. She slept like a baby.
She hadn’t gotten any word from Sousuke, but wasn’t worried yet. That would start the next evening, at the supper table.
The phone rang. Kaname thought nothing of it until her father tapped her on the shoulder. “There’s gentleman on the line. He asked to speak with you. He mentioned Mithril.” The last words were whispered into her ear.
“Oh!” Kaname grabbed the phone and ran into her bedroom. She didn’t know whether to be excited or scared.
“This is Kaname Chidori.” Her heart sank when she realized who had called.
It was Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin. Hearing his voice, it seemed as if the entire world shrunk down and pressed against her. She almost dropped the phone, her fingers going limp.
This could not be good news.
She could only think of one reason he would call her, here.
The words burned themselves into her mind without mercy. She wanted to cry. She needed to scream.
“I am sorry to pass along this information to you, Miss Chidori. I understand that your father had consented for you to return home, so I wished to appraise you of the situation personally….” The Russian gentleman’s voice was as firm and as kindly as it had always been. She thought she could detect a slight hint of pain.
“Sousuke….”
“Yes. I should start off by saying we should all be grateful for his actions. He was single-handedly responsible for averting a terrible plot that had been a hair’s breadth away from throwing the world into a new Dark Age.” There was a touch of pride there, too.
Kaname didn’t want to hear any more. Sousuke’s commanding officer was trying to soften some terrible blow.
“I cannot give you the details over the phone, but promise to give you the entire story if we meet again. It pains me to inform you that Sgt. Sagara’s Arm Slave was lost at sea three days ago. The locator beacon worked adequately for a short while, then went dead. Rescue teams have scoured land and water, without any luck. There has been no word from him. We will continue to hold out hope.”
“I see.” It was all that Kaname could bring herself to say.
“If there is anything we can do for you, please do not hesitate to ask. You need not worry about your safety. You will be well taken care of.”
“Thank you,” Kaname said. Her voice broke. “Please, find him….”
“We’ll will do our bet, Miss Chidori. We want him back. He is one of our best.” There had been a catch in Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin’s voice as well. It was a stake in her heart. If that rugged man was hit that hard, the outcome must be bleak.
Kaname held onto the phone for a long time, not hearing the busy signal. She tried not to think. Her mind dumped too many thoughts at once. Sousuke was gone. Chances were he was dead.
There was a soft knock at her door. She walked slowly over and opened it. Her father stood there, a look of concern on his face. Kaname hesitated a moment, then threw herself into his arms, sobbing.
“Oh Daddy!” Her voice was muffled by his sweater. “Sousuke… Sousuke is missing… he saved everybody… and now he is probably dead…” She shook uncontrollably. Her father stroked her hair, a grief stricken look on his face. Kaname cried and spoke until she ran down.
Ayame peaked around the corner, surprised by what she saw and heard. Tears coming to her eyes, she walked up and put her arms around Kaname and her father.
xxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxx
Kaname sat listlessly by her telephone, resting her head against the back of the chair. She turned something around in her hands, absentmindedly. It was the figurine she had gotten for Sousuke.
She had just gotten off of the phone with Kyouko. Kaname had not gone to school since she had arrived back in Tokyo. Her friend was worried about her.
Kaname had answered only because she hoped it would be word about Sousuke, one way or another. She couldn’t just hang up on her friend, even though she wanted to be alone right then. Kyouko had said that she would stop by some time that evening, to bring her some food and see how she was doing.
The phone remained quiet after that. From time to time, Kaname would stare at it with an accusatory glare.
She forced herself to stand up and walk over to one of the windows. Sighing, she pulled back the curtain. The sun looked so bright. The sky was so clear. For everyone else, this must be a beautiful day.
It had been hard leaving Ayame and her father. She had tears in her eyes when she hugged Oichi. Stacy had gone along as well, offering support. A tear ran down her face. She shook her head.
“Moron.” She was speaking about herself.
She had dreaded going to New York. Then, she had regretted her decision to come back here.
“Big idiot.” She was thinking of Sousuke now, staring down at the boy’s face on the figurine.
The plane flight had been horrible. She couldn’t remember a thing that happened. A Mithril van picked her up at the airport, at Tessa’s insistence. The driver reiterated what Lt. Kalinin’s aide told her earlier that day. There was still no sign of Arbalest, or of Sousuke.
Nothing could have prepared her for the wall of feelings she ran into when she got back to her apartment. The card that Sousuke had given here was sitting on the center of her table.
“I need the starshine of your heavenly eyes, after the day’s great sun. And if I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I’d walk through a garden forever.” Kaname repeated the words that Sousuke had written. They only brought her sadness at that moment.
Her stomach growled. Kaname wanted to ignore it, but couldn’t. She hadn’t eaten in two days. It was time she perked back up again.
She had gotten past denial. She was still angry, but the feeling had died down. She had tried her hand at bargaining, but nothing that she did or promised had brought Sousuke back. Her depression held to her like a sopping wet sweater, but it no longer had her paralyzed.
As she filled a pot with water, she heard the doorbell ring. Kyouko. That was good timing. There wasn’t much left to eat in her apartment.
“Coming, Ky!” She dried her hands on a dishrag and tossed it back in the direction of the kitchen. She didn’t bother looking out of the peep hole before pulling the door open.
It wasn’t Kyouko.
It wasn’t even a girl.
A bedraggled looking young man stood there, his hair unkempt and his face covered with near a week’s worth of stubble. His eyes were sunken and his mouth was trembling ever so slightly.
“Sousuke….” Kaname blinked repeatedly, wondering if she was seeing things.
The young man was staring back at her, his eyes taking in every inch of her, as if he had never seen her before, or this was the last he would be able to look at her.
“Kaname… I…”
Kaname felt like she was going to burst. It WAS him. But what was that big idiot doing, just standing there looking shy and undecided?
She felt her muscles tighten. It took every ounce of strength not to fling herself on him.
No. She would be dignified. That would teach him a good lesson. Hmmmpppfff!
“Sousuke, please come in. You’re not a stranger, you know!” Kaname smiled, but her smile wilted somewhat when she saw Sousuk’e response. Something was bothering him.
“Thank you, Kaname…” His eyes went to the card. Both of his hands twitched. He looked into Kaname’s eyes, then quickly looked away.
Kaname swallowed, hard. The moment she had been praying for was actually here, but she found herself worried, even disappointed. A slight surge of anger built up in her as well.
This was NOT what she had hoped for. He had left her in the middle of a romantic crescendo, but returned quiet and subdued.
Had he thought about the two of them? Was that it? Did he decide he couldn’t care for her, or didn’t want to?
“So… uh… Sousuke… where have you been.” The words had come out so casually, as if she were asking about the weather. It didn’t fool Sousuke, though. She saw him straighten his shoulders and look deeply into her eyes. He looked older somehow. Why?
“May I sit. I haven’t eaten much. I am very weak.”
“Sure. Here. Let me move this. It’s something I got for you.” Kaname bit her lip. She was mumbling like a young school girl at her first dance. She handed Sousuke the figurine.
“Thank you.” Sousuke sat, looking at the gift. He closed his eyes for a few moments, breathing deeply. “You wished to know where I was.”
“Yes. Please, Sousuke.” Kaname had given in. She let down her tough exterior. Her heart was in her voice. Her eyes widened. Sousuke seemed to know that. She could just tell.
“I have been through so much….” He stopped, running his hand through his hair. “No. I will speak about all that when I can. For the past few days, I have been living in a peasant’s hut, on the coastline in North Korea. I had left Arbalest under the waves, just out beyond the breakwater.”
“But why so long? Were there soldiers everywhere? Why didn’t Mithril come and retrieve you?” Kaname was clearly confused.
“I did not call them. I had disabled my signal beacon. I crawled the ARX-7 along the seabed until we reached land. I lived on what I could, staying any place that proved safe.” There was more that Sousuke hadn’t said. Kaname was eager to hear everything.
“Why, Sousuke?”
“I did not want them to find me yet.”
Those words filled Kaname with dread. What had gone wrong? Had Kurz or Melissa been killed? Had Sousuke made a larger mistake than before? Did the Lambda Driver malfunction again, just when he needed it?
“Why? What happened?”
Sosuke gave Kaname a brief capsular summary of his treatment, the results, and the mission. He didn’t go into too much detail, and did not mention his various thoughts about her.
“But, it wasn’t your fault! You must know that, you big idiot!” Kaname walked over and kneeled by Souske’s side. She took his hand in hers and squeezed it. “It was brave to take those medicines. And you were a hero. You saved us all.”
Sousuke looked at her, his eyes watering. “No, Kaname. ‘We.’ We saved everyone.”
Kaname looked up at him, baffled. Was he OK? Did things somehow damage his memory? Was he suffering psychological problems? Could that explain his behavior?
“Me? I wasn’t even there. My father called me back to New York with him and my sister. I have stories to tell you, too.”
Sousuke’s gaze became intense. He set his jaw. It looked as if he had come to some kind of a conclusion.
“I did not want to leave you Kaname. I thought a lot about that kiss.”
Kaname blushed. She wished the big jerk would lean over and kiss her again. Now!
“I agreed to undergo the procedure because there really was no other choice. I was the only one who could do the job. But, I also did it because you were in danger.”
Kaname stood up and walked behind Sousuke. She wrapped her arms around him and put her head on his shoulder.
“Yes. I remembered that feeling too,” he said quietly. “Your hair smelled different, then. Cleaner.”
Kaname frowned. So my hair smells dirty now or something?
“When I was going through the changes, I thought about you as well. Uh…I…should not speak about that….” Sosuke blushed. Kaname could not see that from her angle. She did feel his entire body jerk, however.
“Really? What were you thinking?” Kaname spoke directly into Sousuke’s ear.
“Uh…I should move on… there are more things to mention. I was not myself, at one point. Or maybe I was myself, more than I had ever been before.” Sousuke paused. Kaname stood up, wanting to see his face.
“It’s OK, Sousuke. You can tell me anything. I want you to tell me everything. Now, or whenever you feel able.” Kaname smiled. It was amazing, standing here and seeing him. He was alive.
“So, how did I save the world?”
“When I was on the edge, and could go either way, something kept calling me back.” He reached his hand out, then pulled it back. “It was you.”
Tears came to Kaname’s eyes. She had dreamed about him opening up to her like this.
“Your image stopped me from killing Kurz and Melissa…” His eyes looked haunted. Kaname knew he would have some major things to work through. Her heart went out to him.
“When the part of me in control wanted to fight rather than destroy the missiles, thoughts of you made the difference. You saved the day, Kaname. I am very grateful.” Sousuke’s mouth formed a thin tight line.
He was struggling with something.
What?
Kaname read between the words. She smiled. Sousuke was weak and tired. This would be a good time to get a confession out of him. She told herself it was OK to be ruthless with the one you care for.
“But Sousuke, I wasn’t there. What about me won the battle?”
“I… uh… have attempted to explain. I heard your voice. I saw your image….”
“I know that, mister! I’m not deaf. Was it your feelings for me?” Kaname kept from grinning.
“Uh….”
Bingo.
“Sousuke?” It felt good to be playing this game again.
“I… well…”
“Hmmm….” Kananme put her hand on Souske’s knee as she sat by his side. She purposefully looked away, thinking that would make him feel less pressured.
“Yes, Kaname.”
Kaname waited silently.
“Well?” She began tapping her foot. Sousuke stared at it and began to sweat.
“Kaname?”
“What ABOUT your feelings, soldier?” Kaname took off one shoe and began tossing it up in the air, catching it.
Sousuke watched the shoe go up. He watched it come down. He watched it go up again…”
“SOUSUKE!!!”
The soldier’s legs twitched. He fought the urge to stand at attention and salute.
“Kaname. I thought a lot about you. I thought that I might….”
Souske stopped.
He ran his hand through his hair again.
He bowed his head.
It was driving Kaname crazy. She caught herself. Moments ago she had been depressed. Now, she was excited. Because of this no good clueless otaku goofball!
She couldn’t think of any place she’d rather be.
“Sousuke, I am tired of tossing the shoe. Do you have any suggestions for what I might do while I wait for you to find your tongue?” Oops, the old fire was coming back.
“Do you have any dirty laundry, Kaname?” His voice had been the same as it had been so many times in the past.
Kaname started to shout, until she caught sight of his eyes and mouth. He was making fun of himself. She was sure of it!
“I’m looking at it!!!” She put her hands on her hips. “So, I’m not worth talking to am I?”
That ought to work.
Sousuke looked up at her. His face went blank. She wasn’t fooled.
“Then your feelings must not be very strong…”
Kaname would bait him with that one. He’d be worried that she might doubt him or be hurt. He’d answer now.
There was movement on his face. He looked sad for a second, then looked away. What was wrong? Kaname started to worry.
This wasn’t a game any more.
“Sousuke….” her voice was close to a whisper. “What’s wrong?”
He looked up at her. He put the figurine down on the table. Standing, he walked over to the window.
“I care very much for you, Kaname. I shouldn’t, because I am assigned to protect you…”
Kaname’s fingers dug into her palms. Was that what this was all about? He cared about her, but refused to follow through on his feelings because of duty and obligation?
No!
That big idiot! Jerk. Moron.
You were so close. We were so close.
“But, I cannot stop the way that I feel for you. And, I do not want to…”
Kaname held her breath. Would he say it? Could he say that he was in love with her? Was he?
“It…I…” He rubbed his eyes with hands, going silent.
Oooh! If he was doing this on purpose, Kaname would kill him. She would mourn his loss, but so help her God she would kill him!
“I know that I am not like other boys. That can not be helped, not with my past.” Sousuke sounded wistful, as if he were Pinnochio wishing to be a human boy.
“I know, Sousuke. But that’s not a bad thing. It’s why I… it’s why I care about you. Very very much.” Kaname stood up and walked over to him.
“I missed you so much. I was so very scared.”
He’d better take the cue. She needed to be hugged.
Sousuke reached out and cupped one side of her face with his hand and stared at her. He knew what she wanted. He wanted it too. But, he needed to finish what he was saying.
“It’s more than my past though, Kaname. The medicines. They removed all of the boundaries. I saw things about myself. I did things I shouldn’t have done.” His defenses fell. He looked grief stricken.
“I cannot be certain the boundaries will hold. I am not certain who or what I am.”
Kaname took matters into her own hands. She lowered Sousuke’s arm. She stepped up and grabbed him in a fierce hug.
“You are Sousuke Sagara, sergeant of Mithril. You are also a foolish and clueless otaku. Not to mention moron, jerk, big idiot, and stupid head.” She made a small happy sound. “That is good enough for me.”
“But…”
Kaname stomped on Sousuke’s foot. “No buts, Sousuke. I understand what you are saying. I trust you. I want to help you learn to trust yourself. I’ve been there….”
“Kaname…”
“Sousuke, we can do this together. We are going to do this together. I am not giving you a choice, do you understand? I will take the risk. Aren’t you willing to do the same?”
She pushed back and looked up at him.
Her eyes were impossibly large. Sousuke felt as if he was falling down into them, with no hope of catching himself. Those lips. They looked the same as in his memories. He closed his eyes. He couldn’t watch them.
“But….”
“Are you trying to be noble, Sousuke?” Kaname sounded angry.
“Uh…”
“You’re trying to protect me, right?” She clenched her hands.
“Uh…”
“You’re going to make a big sacrifice for my sake?” The look on her face said ‘Big mistake!’
“Uh…”
Kaname frowned.
Her eyes flashed.
Her lips pulled back and showed her teeth
“I don’t want noble.” She poked him hard in the chest. “I don’t need protecting.” She put her finger on his nose. “You do your sacrificing for your own sake.” She kicked him lightly in the shin.
“I…… want…… you!!!” her each word was punctuated by a shake of his body.
After catching her breath, she added something in a quiet voice. “And, I want to be kissed.”
Sousuke just looked down at her, his face awash in conflicting emotions. It was one thing to do a lot of thinking. It was another thing altogether to be faced with the object of your desires.
The mind was willing, but the flesh was weak.
Kaname was right.
“Well, Sousuke?” Kaname eyes pleaded with him.
“I should be headed back to my apartment now….”
Sousuke’s words hit Kaname like the blunt end of an axe. She suddenly felt numb.
“There is something I should do first.” Sousuke lifted her chin, bent over, and gave Kaname a soft kiss on the lips.
He tried to pull away.
Kaname came to life.
That bastard!
Where had he learned to be so sneaky! Tease her will he?
She threw her arms around his neck.
“That was pitiful, sergeant. Really bad. We have a lot of work to do!” She couldn’t keep a straight face. Her smile said it all.
“Affirmative.”
