[FIC] Higher Education (pt 13)
Posted: Sat Aug 07, 2004 10:18 pm
Kaname had the table set, a beautiful effort replete with her finest plates, glasses, and silverware.
Part of her snickered. It’s just Sousuke. Why bother? He would probably be just as satisfied with paper plates or eating off the floor!
The other part got protective. He had every right to eat off finery as the next guy. She quickly corrected herself. She did NOT want a next guy.
Besides, there was her own pride to consider. She liked setting a nice table every now and then, just because she could.
Tonight she had another reason altogether. Kaname wanted to make things as nice as possible for Sousuke. It was a way to express her growing feelings for him.
Would he understand that?
She could only hope.
“The table is looks very nice, Kaname.” Sousuke had filled the water glasses. “You obviously went to a lot of trouble.” He had a curious look in his eyes. “Did you….” He was going to ask if she had make a special effort on his behalf. But, he wondered if that was a proper thing to say.
“Yes.” Kaname smiled. She had a good idea what Sousuke wanted to know. The one part of her tossed her hair and said ‘Hmmppff!’
“Oh.” Sousuke was surprised that Kaname had been able to anticipate his question. She was either very bright, or she was thinking about him, trying to see how he thought.
It was a very good strategy in battle.
No doubt it was useful in a relationship as well.
Could he do the same?
He saw Kaname’s eyes on him, her mouth slightly opened.
What was she waiting for?
“Thank you, Kaname.” He was gratified to see her smile, then begin bringing bowls and dishes of food to the table.
Sousuke went to help, but was told point blank that he was her guest. He should relax and just watch. When he said that would also be pleasant, she had blushed. He had meant that relaxation was pleasant. But, he understood her interpretation, because his eyes stayed glued on Kaname.
She was humming happily to herself.
He had gotten into the habit of paying more and more attention to the girls in his ‘harem.’ But, he had not felt quite this way before. It was confounding and intriguing at the same time. Every time he looked, he wanted to look longer. Everywhere he looked, he grew more embarrassed.
But, he wanted to see more.
Kaname bent over to open a cabinet, looking for a large sampling platter.
Sousuke swallowed hard.
It wasn’t as if he hadn’t noticed women before… he had simply blanked out the initial feelings and never let them follow their own course. Kaname had somehow changed his habits.
The result was…. interesting.
It was enough just for him to admit that to himself. Kaname obviously would like to know how he felt in that matter, but he found the idea of telling her near incomprehensible at the moment.
No, debilitating.
Even fear inducing.
He sighed, not liking to be tied up in mental or emotional knots. He was a Specialist.
“Something bothering you?” Kaname walked over with the first few dished, carrying two in her hands and balancing one on her arm.
“Uh… it is not a problem, Kaname.” He couldn’t help himself. He felt a need to stare at her eyes and mouth. It made him feel good when she smiled in response.
“Well, that’s an improvement, isn’t it Sousuke?” Kaname winked.
Sousuke suddenly had a wild thought. Could she read minds? Was that a Whispered talent?
If it was, he was in big trouble.
When Kaname came back and placed more food on the table, she ran her hand across Sousuke’s hair.
Sousuke decided it was time to gather intelligence.
“Uh… Kaname… I always wondered, after your assistance of Captain Tesstarossa against A21... can… umm... Whispered read people’s minds? Is that one of the reasons that they were being sought, aside form the Black Technology?”
Kaname stopoped in the middle of putting a dish down.
Why would Sousuke ask that?
Unless he was worried about her realizing what he was thinking….
Mmmmm. That’s ni-i-i-i-ce. It opened up some intriguing possibilities. She didn’t even mind the mention of Tessa.
“Yes, Sousuke. But you need to keep the secret. It would put me in danger if you didn’t.” Kaname hugged herself figuratively. This could be fun.
Wait. It wasn’t fair to take advantage of Sousuke…
She thought a moment more.
It WAS fair to take advantage of Sousuke. As long as it was in his best interest.
She was in his best interest.
“Ahhh. Well. I apologize. It….” Sousuke’s eyes looked a little wild.
“It’s only natural, Sousuke.” Kaname came over, moved his arm off of the table, and sat on his lap. “A bit naughty, but natural. Right?” She almost cursed herself for being this aggressive.
She was not wanton by any means.
But, this was fun….
There was no telling how many days she would be able to spend with a certain soldier, before Fate stepped in and snatched him away again.
Why not make hay while the sun was shining?
Besides, if their relationship continued to grow in leaps and bounds, might he change his his allegiance form Mithril to her? If not anytime soon, maybe some day?
It didn't cost anythingto dream.
“Yes… it would appear so… but… it is...disrespectful.” Sousuke was quite aware of Kaname’s weight on him. He was stimulated by the smell of her perfume. The softness pressing against him threatened to distract him altogether.
Kaname leaned over and whispered in Sousuke’s ear. “It’s natural to look, Sousuke. It’s rude to stare if the attention is unwanted. It’s a shame if you don’t stare, if the attention is wanted.” She fought the temptation to nibble Sousuke’s ear.
Just where did that impulse come from? Probably some subconscious realization that women were in control.
“Can’t you tell the difference?”
“I think so. Uh… yes… some times.” Sousuke sat there, wondering if his urge to put his hand on Kaname’s leg was right? If it was… and she could read minds… the she would tell him so.
If she could read minds.
If that were indeed the case, she would NOT be sitting there smiling, even though she was getting him excited in ways that were new and enticing.
No. Not with what he had briefly thought.
He had a hypothesis. Time to test it. He was too good of a soldier to act on information he had questions about.
If Kaname were trying to fool him, she would have earned this.
“I could tell that those girls were rather interested in me….” Sousuke braced for impact. That ought to answer his question if he survived. “Especially when they picked out their clothes.”
Yes. He could take it a step further.
It was dangerous, but he would risk it.
No guts, no glory.
“Most other girls make it a point to wear brassieres.”
“W-W-What??????” Kaname sat up straight, almost falling over backwards.
Ah. That would suggest she was surprised. Unless she made it a point to turn off her talent at times. Knowing Kaname, if she could read minds, she would be focused strongly on him now.
He would continue.
Why? Because it was necessary to do so in order to arrive at the correct conclusion.
It was not for fun. Enjoyment would merely be an unavoidable consequence of his act.
“Is it uncomfortable for a woman to bounce around that much?” Sousuke wondered if he was descending into madness. This kind of comment usually earned Kurz a large boot in the face from Melissa.
“Y-Y-You…..” Kaname’s face had turned bright red. She had NOT expected this turn of events.
Ooooh. That boy was going to really pay some day!
“Uh… never mind… is that all of the food?” Sousuke tried to look innocent.
Kaname was NOT going to leave it at that.
No Way!
“Sousuke…. d-d-do you look at me t-too….” Kaname changed tact. She DID want to hear Sousuke actually admit that he did. But, she was going to make sure that he did not think that he had the upper hand.
“Uh….”
Where did his control go?
This was just like a fierce A.S. battle between equally matched pilots and machines. If luck didn’t favor the victor, experience often did.
He was in trouble.
“Sousuke… I… I really need to know….” Kaname wondered if Sousuke could read her change in approach as a ploy.
He did. But it didn't matter.
“Yes.” Sousuke decided to go for the truth. Thinking of this as a match of wits, he would no longer feel embarrassed.
As long as he kept repeating that fact to himself.
“I see. So, am I wearing a bra or not?” Kaname smiled triumphantly. That ought to do it. They should start engraving her name on the trophy.
Nice try, soldier.
She expected Sousuke to either look and blush, or begin sweating and blush. He did neither.
Instead, he closed his eyes.
“Kaname, I will think the answer.” Just like in combat, the opportunity came that Sousuke needed. He often didn’t know how, but found no reason to look too closely. “You can read it from my mind.”
Kaname’s smile suddenly fell away.
That big jerk!
Just how did he pull that one off?
Gggg-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r….
“Oh. I see. It doesn’t pay to underestimate you, does it? To be honest with you Sousuke. I can’ really read minds.” Kaname got up off of Sousuke‘s lap..
Don't start your victory lap just yet, fella.
The game is not over yet.
“But, that does NOT mean that I can’t tell what you’re thinking.” She kissed the top of his head. “Thank you.” She went to get the last of the food.
Sousuke sat pondering.
How would he ever tell if he won or lost?
Perhaps they both won.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kaname was busy rummaging through her hallway closet, cursing to herself.
“Where ARE they? I thought they were in here. Damn. Damn damn damn damnddamndamn.
Sousuke moved very silently. Kaname never had a clue that he was standing watching her. A box of light bulbs came flying. The sound it made hitting the floor suggest she would need more new light bulbs.
Two unopened boxes of tissues, a pair of worn old gloves, and a package of vacuum cleaner bags almost his Sousuke. Almost. He easily moved and snagged them out of the air. He handed them out to Kaname.
“Oh Sousuke what---?” Kaname stood up too quickly, hitting her head on the door. “Owwwwww. Sousukaaaaaaay…..”
That damn door again.
No. That damn Sousuke again.
She should put a bell on him or something.
She smiled, picturing that.
“Yes, Kaname? What are you looking for?” Sousuke was amused by Kaname’s behavior, but not by the look on her face. She had certainly retained her temper. It just seemed under better control nowadays.
“The halisen?” he asked when Kaname scowled.
Kaname stopped frowning, then blushed. “Sorry, Sousuke. I was looking for some nice candles that I had bought. They would look very nice on the table.”
“I see. Others things burn well, Kaname.” Sousuke spoke conversationally.
He knew something that she didn't.
He would tell her later.
“Sousuke! Don’t even think about it!” Kaname’s face was very intense. She was flooded by memories of otakus past. She kept praying she would be paid a visit by otakus present and future.
“Or, if you like, I have a long-duration cluster flare in my bag….” Souske grinned. “It might last one course of food or two. But, not until dessert.” He saw Kaname’s face relax and her mouth beginning to turn up at the corners.
She knew he was playing.
“It would be rather smoky though, and would stain your ceiling. And walls. Cabinetry. Counters. Sink. Table. Floor---” He didn't have a chance to finish.
Kaname took a large woolen hat out of the closet and pulled it down over Sousuke’s head. “Hmmmpppfff! Men. Once you get them to start talking, they NEVER shut up!” She chuckled and kissed Sousuke through the hat.
When Sousuke took the hat off, Kaname was looking at him strangely.
“Kaname?” Sousuke placed the hat neatly in he closet.
“Have you ever laughed, Sousuke?” Kaname wasn’t certain where that question had come from.
Sousuke was equally taken aback.
Was this a critical issue with Kaname?
“I do not recall, Kaname.” Sousuke knew that answer essential meant ‘No.’ He had never thought much about that before. He wondered what it meant.
“Oh. Do you think anything is truly funny, ever? I don't mean just amusing....” For some reason, the question bothered Kaname. With the upbringing Sousuke had, he may never have found reason to find anything humorous.
She couldn’t imagine herself unable to laugh and express her joy.
Did Sousuke ever feel joy?
She had so many questions about him. He was so different than everybody else.
“Yes, Kaname. I do not feel an urge to laugh when things are funny. Perhaps the things are not funny enough, or I simply have not found the right circumstance.” Sousuke looked at Kaname, wondering if her question indicated some disapproval or disappointment on her behalf.
It would not be a problem.
He had lived through that in Tokyo often enough.
Still, the question left him feeling a bit uneasy.
“Oh. Let’s go eat then. And don’t go pretending I can read minds again, Mister.” Kaname took Sousuke’s arm and pulled him along.
“”I will not, Kaname. If you could, you would realize something that I thought was funny.” He reached out and touched Kaname’s forehead tenderly. “Is this sore?”
“Yes, very.” Kaname stopped. “What was funny Sousuke? Me banging my head?” Her lips formed a tight straight line.
“No. Although, that does make the fact somewhat more humorous.” Sousuke looked over to one of the countertops in the kitchen.
He grinned.
Kaname followed his gaze. Her hands curled into fists. “It figures. Geez…..” She turned to look at Sousuke. She licked her lips.
“Sousuke….why didn’t you tell me that I left the candles on the counter?”
Sousuke reacted incredulously at first. How could he have know they were what she was looking for until she had told him? By that time, she had already tossed the things on the floor and banged her head.
She must be playing again.
Wasn't she?
He could honestly say that he did not know what she was looking for.
She might then say he should have.
He might have said that she was so clever, that he never would have guessed that she would have made such an oversight.
She would probably find some reason to blame him for the oversight.
No.
There was something else he could do.
“Because I am unworthy of you, Kaname.” He bowed his head.
“Well. As long as you know that. Hmmppff!” Kaname smiled. Souske certainly did have a sense of humor. His not being able to laugh was not a problem. Too many of the guys she had gone out with laughed at their own jokes, or anything coarse or corny they heard.
She could do without any more of that.
OK.
She’d take him.
As long as he came with a warranty.
She probably couldn’t even understand the instruction booklet if there was one.
Sousuke was thinking along similar lines. He usually took what other people said with a grain of salt--especially self-adorned experts and things that were considered ‘common’ knowledge. One concept that he heard made sense, however. A number of men had complained that they would never understand women.
He did not feel so bad.
He was not alone.
But, he was showing progress. Before meeting Kaname again, he wouldn’t have even thought much about trying to understand a woman’s thoughts. Now it seemed an important mission, even if it was one doomed to failure.
Funny the difference a few days make.
When they were finally sitting at the dinner table, Kaname led them in some small talk, purposefully staying away from anything serious. There would be enough of that later. She watched very carefully as Sousuke sampled everything that she had cooked.
Yes, she would like a little positive reinforcement.
But, she was also very much interested in which things he liked and which he didn’t.
“What’s wrong, Sousuke?” Kaname wondered if he didn’t like something she had prepared.
“The items that I cooked using your instructions did not turn out as well as yours did. That is a discouraging outcome for a professional.” He stared down at his plate. The tempura he made looked very much like the ones that Kaname had made. But, his were greasy and falling apart. It was illogical to think that she had somehow conspired against him.
“Really? Makes you want to shoot it?” Kaname grinned.
“No.” Sousuke preseed his lips together and looked up at Kaname.
“Blow it up?” Kaname chuckled. That look on Sousuke’s face was a true Kodak moment.
“Negative.” Sousuke scowled at Kaname’s reaction. That only made Kaname laugh, covering her mouth with her hand.
“Then what DO you want to do with it?” Kaname smiled fondly at her boyfriend.
Sousuke thought a moment, rubbing his chin.
“I would like YOU to try it, Kaname.” Sousuke made a tent of his arms and hid his grin behind his hands.
Kaname looked at the pancakes that Sousuke made. Both eyebrows rose.
“Men don’t have to worry as much as a women… I really shouldn’t eat too much.” Kaname looked over at the tempura that Sousuke had made. “You don’t want me to lose my girlish figure, do you?”
“That is not a problem. It is a part of you, isn’t it? How could you lose it?” Sousuke kept a straight face. The more he joked, the easier it became.
What would Kurz and Melissa think?
Or… uh… Cmdr. Mardukas.
Maybe a mature sense of humor wasn't really a good thing after all?
Kname just closed her eyes. She wasn’t even going to respond to that one.
“But, if you do not wish to examine the materials that you yourself taught me to make, I will try to understand. It is not the most important thing, however.” Kaname used this method. The creation of a false and prospective feeling of guilt. Simple, but potentially effective.
“I will still consider you very beautiful to look at.” Flattery and appreciation of her appearance also appeared highly effective.
Kaname blushed, seeing Sousuke looking at her. Instinctively she moved a little more forward in her seat. Her eyes focused on his. Something suddenly seemed somewhat wrong, but she didn’t want to be distracted by anything at the moment.
Sousuke smiled. “If I was one to laugh, I would be laughing now, Kaname.”
“What?” Kaname broke free of her spell. "Why?"
Sousuke pointed at the table in front of Kaname. She had brought her elbow down on a stack of pancakes. “Is that what you think of my cooking, Kaname?” Sousuke felt a feeling inside him he hadn’t ever felt quite the same way before.
The occurrence… the look on Kaname’s face… the words he had come up with… they were amusing.
The feeling felt good.
He wondered if he could feel similar things with such regularity where Kaname was not involved.
Kaname on the other hand was anything but amused. She was embarrassed. That was the kind of thing that some other guy or gal should have done, but not Kaname Chidori. She was suddenly unhappy to see Sousuke with a sense of humor, since it was suddenly at her expense.
And, she really liked this blouse.
Worst of all, there was nothing very romantic about a woman staring into her boyfriend’s eyes... thinking dreamy thoughts... her elbow stick in the middle of greasy pork Okonomiyaki.
Damn!
But, wait.
That didn’t mean she couldn’t come up with something else romantic.
When the world gives you lemons, make lemonade….
Hmmmmmmm.
Oh… that would be very nice. It would teach Sousuke something too. All she needed was an angle.
“I’m going to need to soak this so the stain doesn’t set. I’ll be right back.” Kaname stood up and went over to the laundry area, carrying a wide deep bowl with her.
One part of her had a rather randy suggestion that was by no means acceptable. She would not be taking off her dress… putting it in the washer… and returning to the table dressed in her underwear.
It was much too soon for that.
She came back to the table and put the bowl of water and stain remover on the table. She placed her elbow into it.
“I’m going to need your help, Sousuke. Could you please bring your chair over here.” Kaname fought to keep a smile off her face. She was really looking forward to this. The big buffoon better play along, whether or not he caught on to what she was doing.
“Oh. The top drawer on the right, behind me. Could you get some chopsticks too?”
“Kaname?”
“Ple-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-a-s-e…..” Kaname had a very soulful look on her face.
Souske did as he was asked.
What was she up to now???
"OK, Sousuke. Now you can assist me in eating. Pick up whatever you want on the chopsticks; then, I’ll open my mouth and you can put the food in.” Kaname licked her lips.
“Uh.…”
Kaname smiled, her heart filled with affection for Sousuke.
Who else could make her feel that way with an ‘Uh….’?
“I’m ready, Sousuke.” Kaname blushed Some day those same words might prelude something entirely different.
At least she hoped so.
No sense putting the cart before the horse. She was so used to having things go wrong in her life.
Just once. Could things go the way she wanted? At least for a little while.
Please.
She had to believe that there was reason to hope. Things had gone so much further tonight than she had the right to wish for. True, they may never progress much beyond this stage….
But, they certainly might!
“Affirmative.” Sousuke swallowed. He should have known better than to get to far ahead of himself. He was not as mature as he thought he was. His hand was trembling ever so slightly. “Here you are Kaname.”
Sousuke carefully picked up a small morsel with the chopsticks and place the food in Kaname’s mouth. She had been debating whether she should slowly press her lips against the wood. But, she had an altogether unexpected reaction.
After she swallowed, she began coughing. “Errrr. W-What was t-that, Sousuke?” Tears came to her eyes.
“My tempura sweet potato. You forgot to taste it before.” Sousuke felt satisfied at first. But, he realized that he had hurt Kaname’s feelings in the process.
She obviously had something in mind.
What?
Oh.
Maybe that was it.
“I… you… ooooh…” Kaname stopped her incipient explosion. Sousuke had put his finger over her lips.
“Here. I’ll do it correct this time.” He held out a piece of the tempura prawn that Kaname had cooked.
Did Kaname want him to show that he cared? Was this some form of standard courtship activity?
What might his action oblige him to do later?
She wouldn’t open her mouth. Closing her eyes, she shrugged her shoulder and sat still.
“My apologies. I will put my chair back where it belongs.” Sousuke stood up.
How long would it take for Kaname to respond?
He looked down at his watch.
“Did I give you permission to get up, Sousuke?” Kaname still had her eyes closed.
“Uh… no. Do I need permission?” Sousuke looked down at his watch.
It had only been two seconds.
Kaname had a calculating look in her eyes.
Wrong answer, Sousuke.
Way wrong answer.
“Only if you ever want me to forgive you, Sousuke.” Kaname opened her eyes.
Sousuke looked at Kaname.
No doubt this was part of the game too. Kaname obviously expected him to play along. He would do so.
Sousuke sat and took up the chopsticks again. He held the prawn up for Kaname again. She shook her head.
“You need to use your fingers now, Sousuke.” She smiled.
Just go with the flow.
That which doesn’t kill him will make him stronger.
Anything that made him stronger would make her happier.
“Uh….” Sousuke did as he was asked. He was relived when she didn’t bite him.
Kaname wanted to sample everything, keeping Sousuke busy. When she handing him a ball of takoyaki, she bit his fingers softly. It was fun watching a trained soldier blush.
When he handed her a lump of unagi, she wrapped her lips around his finger. It had been precious seeing him jump ever so slightly.
She had stepped beyond her usual boundaries.
It felt great.
Her goal was to someday make it feel great for a special young man as well.
“Thank you Sousuke. I can take care of things by myself now. I’m very proud of you.” Kaname gave Sousuke a pat on the knee. “Good job, soldier.”
“Kaname?”
“I wouldn’t trade you for anyone in the world, Sousuke.”
She felt warm, seeing the look on Sousuke’s face.
They would do just fine.
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Kaname finished cleaning the last of the dishes.
She had thought about leaving them for later, wanting to further the mood she had worked hard to create around her and Sousuke. It had been so wonderful.
But, the pots, pans, dishes, and wok would be harder to clean later if they sat too long. And, she had needed to come back down to earth some, before she would be ready to talk to Sousuke about her past.
Sousuke had asked if he could assist her in the clean-up. That had made her feel very good. Not one of the other guys she had cooked for made that offer. None of them even offered to help clear the table.
But, it was time she needed to spend alone.
She couldn’t let the unfolding events of the evening seduce her in a way Sousuke himself did not know how to do.
She could not allow herself any excuse to avoid her difficult task.
Despite the growing sense of tension within her, Kaname smiled warmly, remembering something Sousuke had said before she sent him into the living room to wait. She had told him it was his job to go, relax, and get the couch warmed-up.
His face had looked shocked for a moment. She had seen it. That look would be secreted away into her mental scrapbook.
“If I can clean a gun… or an ARX-9... I am certain that I can clean dinner utensils.”
Three years ago, Kaname would have had given him some angry or arrogant reply...... or said something to put him down for being an otaku. Tonight, she had smiled at his way of expressing himself, touched by his generosity.
She wondered if she would have behaved the same way… or the way she had before… if she and Sousuke had been around each other for the past three years.
Could the separation have been a good thing?
That really didn't matter now.
As long as he was near her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Sousuke leaned back and closed his eyes.
His wound from the fight with the terrorists was hurting again.
He should have taken better care of it on the scene, but he had been more worried about Kaname. It certainly didn’t help, carrying her all that distance. But, that had been all he could think about at the time.
Kaname.
She was so different now.
The things he admired about her before, were still there. The things that had made him sweat or stare were still there as well, but they were even more distracting than before. And the reactions they caused were certainly more drastic.
He needed these quiet moments now, just to regain his equilibrium.
By all accounts, Kaname was like a Specialist in what she had done tonight. Whenever an opportunity arose, she made good use of it. When she had been faced with a difficult or unsettling moment, she rose to the occasion.
And, she was certainly very dangerous.
Yes.
Somehow, she had managed to access parts of Sousuke that had been untapped before. It seemed to have pleased her.
That is good.
But, it had left him uncertain.
That was not necessarily bad.
Especially since he had seemed to be responding unconsciously to certain cues.
Sousuke ran his hand through his hair.
This was almost like walking down a dark and deserted street, gun in hand, on the look-out for an enemy whose position is unknown to you. You could be hunting them. They could be hunting you.
There could be benefits from moving forward boldly, but only if you knew what lay ahead, and were sure what you were up against.
He didn't.
And, he felt like a greenhorn. He was reacting blindly to the things he sensed and felt.
Perhaps that was what was right in this situation, however.
There could be benefits from moving carefully, heading from one point of cover to another... biding your time... learning the lay of the land.
But, even that approach worked best when there was a mission objective, even one as simple as 'make it home alive.'
What was his mission objective here?
He wasn't really sure.
But, he would look to Kaname as his squad leader in this endeavor. he would let her lead, and he would follow. He was not embarrassed being led by a woman. He had followed Melissa. And Tessa.
But, that had been professional. This was personal. It was still somewhat amazing to Sousuke that he had something personal.
Kaname.
The very sight of her had him feeling on edge, filled with a sense of anticipation and excitement. Before, he had only felt that way when he ran across an exceedingly rare military history text… found a new weapon he particularly like… or prepared for a battle against numerically superior forces.
But, this was different.
Her voice… her perfume… certain postures she adopted… the feel of her body pressed against him… the wetness of her lips and his fingers.
Sousuke swallowed.
Even those fresh memories had their own power over him.
He had worked hard to deal with her loss before. The feelings he had before were strong, but nothing compared to the ones he had felt tonight .
It was like comparing a Colt Peacemaker to an HK MP-7.
If he…
No.
When he was called away from Tokyo again, how would these new discoveries affect him? How much more painful would it be to deal with the separation form Kaname next time?
Was it wise you set himself up for such mental and emotional turmoil? How was he helping himself by letting himself go the was he was tonight? Were his actions a breaking of faith with Mithril? Should he be feeling guilty now? Would it be best if he simply resisted?
Negative!
Not only was he discovering things about himself, he also seemed to be making Kaname happy. Leraning about himself, even if it later caused him discomfort, was important. But, taking care of Kaname, in whatever way was possible, was paramount.
It wasn’t just a carry-over from his time at Jindai High School.
The need to see that she was safe and contented had wrapped itself around him like a vine. Sure, some of the growth had started before. But, new shoots had broken ground and started their work, growing and wrapping around him.
But, while he felt somewhat more entangled, he paradoxically felt more free.
Why?
Looking up, he saw Kaname walking towards him, a number of photograph albums in her arms. Her step was somewhat hesitant, and her posture did not speak of self assuredness.
She had difficult things to talk about.
The fact that she would speak to him of things she would not talk to others about made him feel good and uncomfortable at the same time. He had a very big responsibility here. Not only to listen, but to offer comfort and support.
Could he do that? Kaname was a natural when it came to feeling things.
He would obviously be learning more about Kaname.
In the process, he would also find out some things about himself.
That was a good thing.
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Kaname sat down on the couch next to Sousuke.
The books she carried sat heavily on her lap. It was time. She needed to do this. For herself as well as the man she had once hurt.
For the man she was falling in love with again.
It wasn’t as if she hadn’t discussed such things with people before. She had. With Kyouko, and a few other choice friends. But, she had never truly opened up completely and become vulnerable when she had done so.
Tonight she would.
“Miss me?” She asked Sousuke.
If he said ‘I was never aiming at you, Kaname,’ she would smack him over the head with one of the albums.
“Yes.” Sousuke looked down at the photo albums, then up at Kaname’s eyes---they looked so vulnerable. Perhaps he would not attempt any levity, even in self defense.
“I’m really glad you’re here with me tonight, Sousuke.” Kaname’s eyes grew wider and her lips parted. “I hope you feel the same way.” She curled her lower lip under her upper.
“Affirmative.” Sousuke lowered his eyes after a moment. There were a lot of things he still needed to think through before he might have a perfect understanding of them, but he knew one thing for certain.
“I cannot… uh.” He looked up again, mesmerized by the look on her face. “I cannot think of any place I would rather be.” He swallowed.
For some reason, that had been hard to admit. Why did he suddenly feel so anxious? His hands were gripping his kness… he needed to relax….
Kaname’s eyes teared up. She leaned over and gave Sousuke a quick kiss on the cheek. For a moment, she felt dizzy.
“I thought we’d look at these first.” Kaname opened the photo album that held pictures from her time at Jindai High School. “Is that OK?” She watched Sousuke’s mouth and eyes. How would he react to this?
“Yes. I will follow your lead, Kaname. I trust your judgment.” Sousuke’s eyes looked over the first page of familiar faces that Kaname had opened to, before he looked back at Kaname. He thought a moment, wondering how to put one thought into words.
“You need not worry about what I want now. This is something for you most of all. That is how it should be.”
“Thank you, Sousuke.” Kaname felt a warmth spread through her, It was unlike anything she had felt before.
“I will say this, though. Do not go further than you are able tonight. There is nothing you can say that will harm me. But, do not cause yourself undue harm trying to make a sacrifice on my behalf. This is not battle, Kaname. If circumstances allow, you may always stop, then wait until you’re better prepared.” He nodded his head, asking a question that she had a habit of using.
“Understood?”
“Yes.” Kaname smiled. She scooted over a little closer to Sousuke.
The two of them paged through the album. Kaname told Sousuke that she had originally taken out all of the pictures that had any reference to a certain moody military maniac. It had been quite a coincidence that she had glued them in not long before she stumbled across him again.
Even though Sousuke was sitting right beside her, Kaname had a slight bit of difficulty with her voice as she showed him some of the pictures that Kyouko had take not long after Sousuke’s mission had ended.
Sousuke hung his head. In each of the pictures, Kaname had tried to smile, but her eyes looked more like those of a captive being tortured.
He gripped his knees again, hard. He was responsible for that. His getting close to her, and allowing her to do the same in return, had opened her up to tremendous sadness and pain.
The pictures were not easy to look at.
“It’s OK, Sousuke.” Kaname gave Sousuke a kiss on the cheek, then pried his hands off of his knees. “None of that pain remains. Not right now.”
“I…” Sousuke never had the chance to say what he intended to.
“And don’t worry about the future. Not tonight.” She squeezed his hand. “Please.”
“As you wish.” Sousuke shivered a moment. His choice of words had reminded him of The Princess Bride and the narration at the beginning of that movie.
Wesley would say “As you wish,’ whenever Buttercup would order the farm boy around. What he was really saying was ‘I love you.’
Sousuke could not be certain just how deeply he cared about Kaname.
Not yet.
“Sousuke? Is there something wrong?” Kaname looked concerned for a moment.
“Negative.” He hoped Kaname would not probe any further.
Kaname had a calculating look in her eyes at first, but simply gave Sousuke a pat on the cheek and got back to the photo album. As they went from page by page, Kaname spoke about some of her feelings at the time.
It was an instructive time for Sousuke. For Kaname, they were moments of catharsis.
“Congratulations, Kaname.” Sousuke said when he saw Kanames graduation photos.
“Thank you, Sousuke.” Kaname wormed her hand under Sousuke’s. Finished with the first album, she needed a short moment of support before moving on to the next.
Sousuke noted the subtle changes in Kaname. He squeezed her hand, looking over at the second photo album. He wondered what was in that one. His speculation was spot on, as he would find out a little later.
“Hanging in there, Sousuke?” Kaname smiled a lopsided smile at the young soldier.
“I’m a Specialist.” He answered.
Kaname looked at him, then gave him a quick hug. “Yes…. You certainly are….”
Who else could make her feel the way she did now?
Part of her snickered. It’s just Sousuke. Why bother? He would probably be just as satisfied with paper plates or eating off the floor!
The other part got protective. He had every right to eat off finery as the next guy. She quickly corrected herself. She did NOT want a next guy.
Besides, there was her own pride to consider. She liked setting a nice table every now and then, just because she could.
Tonight she had another reason altogether. Kaname wanted to make things as nice as possible for Sousuke. It was a way to express her growing feelings for him.
Would he understand that?
She could only hope.
“The table is looks very nice, Kaname.” Sousuke had filled the water glasses. “You obviously went to a lot of trouble.” He had a curious look in his eyes. “Did you….” He was going to ask if she had make a special effort on his behalf. But, he wondered if that was a proper thing to say.
“Yes.” Kaname smiled. She had a good idea what Sousuke wanted to know. The one part of her tossed her hair and said ‘Hmmppff!’
“Oh.” Sousuke was surprised that Kaname had been able to anticipate his question. She was either very bright, or she was thinking about him, trying to see how he thought.
It was a very good strategy in battle.
No doubt it was useful in a relationship as well.
Could he do the same?
He saw Kaname’s eyes on him, her mouth slightly opened.
What was she waiting for?
“Thank you, Kaname.” He was gratified to see her smile, then begin bringing bowls and dishes of food to the table.
Sousuke went to help, but was told point blank that he was her guest. He should relax and just watch. When he said that would also be pleasant, she had blushed. He had meant that relaxation was pleasant. But, he understood her interpretation, because his eyes stayed glued on Kaname.
She was humming happily to herself.
He had gotten into the habit of paying more and more attention to the girls in his ‘harem.’ But, he had not felt quite this way before. It was confounding and intriguing at the same time. Every time he looked, he wanted to look longer. Everywhere he looked, he grew more embarrassed.
But, he wanted to see more.
Kaname bent over to open a cabinet, looking for a large sampling platter.
Sousuke swallowed hard.
It wasn’t as if he hadn’t noticed women before… he had simply blanked out the initial feelings and never let them follow their own course. Kaname had somehow changed his habits.
The result was…. interesting.
It was enough just for him to admit that to himself. Kaname obviously would like to know how he felt in that matter, but he found the idea of telling her near incomprehensible at the moment.
No, debilitating.
Even fear inducing.
He sighed, not liking to be tied up in mental or emotional knots. He was a Specialist.
“Something bothering you?” Kaname walked over with the first few dished, carrying two in her hands and balancing one on her arm.
“Uh… it is not a problem, Kaname.” He couldn’t help himself. He felt a need to stare at her eyes and mouth. It made him feel good when she smiled in response.
“Well, that’s an improvement, isn’t it Sousuke?” Kaname winked.
Sousuke suddenly had a wild thought. Could she read minds? Was that a Whispered talent?
If it was, he was in big trouble.
When Kaname came back and placed more food on the table, she ran her hand across Sousuke’s hair.
Sousuke decided it was time to gather intelligence.
“Uh… Kaname… I always wondered, after your assistance of Captain Tesstarossa against A21... can… umm... Whispered read people’s minds? Is that one of the reasons that they were being sought, aside form the Black Technology?”
Kaname stopoped in the middle of putting a dish down.
Why would Sousuke ask that?
Unless he was worried about her realizing what he was thinking….
Mmmmm. That’s ni-i-i-i-ce. It opened up some intriguing possibilities. She didn’t even mind the mention of Tessa.
“Yes, Sousuke. But you need to keep the secret. It would put me in danger if you didn’t.” Kaname hugged herself figuratively. This could be fun.
Wait. It wasn’t fair to take advantage of Sousuke…
She thought a moment more.
It WAS fair to take advantage of Sousuke. As long as it was in his best interest.
She was in his best interest.
“Ahhh. Well. I apologize. It….” Sousuke’s eyes looked a little wild.
“It’s only natural, Sousuke.” Kaname came over, moved his arm off of the table, and sat on his lap. “A bit naughty, but natural. Right?” She almost cursed herself for being this aggressive.
She was not wanton by any means.
But, this was fun….
There was no telling how many days she would be able to spend with a certain soldier, before Fate stepped in and snatched him away again.
Why not make hay while the sun was shining?
Besides, if their relationship continued to grow in leaps and bounds, might he change his his allegiance form Mithril to her? If not anytime soon, maybe some day?
It didn't cost anythingto dream.
“Yes… it would appear so… but… it is...disrespectful.” Sousuke was quite aware of Kaname’s weight on him. He was stimulated by the smell of her perfume. The softness pressing against him threatened to distract him altogether.
Kaname leaned over and whispered in Sousuke’s ear. “It’s natural to look, Sousuke. It’s rude to stare if the attention is unwanted. It’s a shame if you don’t stare, if the attention is wanted.” She fought the temptation to nibble Sousuke’s ear.
Just where did that impulse come from? Probably some subconscious realization that women were in control.
“Can’t you tell the difference?”
“I think so. Uh… yes… some times.” Sousuke sat there, wondering if his urge to put his hand on Kaname’s leg was right? If it was… and she could read minds… the she would tell him so.
If she could read minds.
If that were indeed the case, she would NOT be sitting there smiling, even though she was getting him excited in ways that were new and enticing.
No. Not with what he had briefly thought.
He had a hypothesis. Time to test it. He was too good of a soldier to act on information he had questions about.
If Kaname were trying to fool him, she would have earned this.
“I could tell that those girls were rather interested in me….” Sousuke braced for impact. That ought to answer his question if he survived. “Especially when they picked out their clothes.”
Yes. He could take it a step further.
It was dangerous, but he would risk it.
No guts, no glory.
“Most other girls make it a point to wear brassieres.”
“W-W-What??????” Kaname sat up straight, almost falling over backwards.
Ah. That would suggest she was surprised. Unless she made it a point to turn off her talent at times. Knowing Kaname, if she could read minds, she would be focused strongly on him now.
He would continue.
Why? Because it was necessary to do so in order to arrive at the correct conclusion.
It was not for fun. Enjoyment would merely be an unavoidable consequence of his act.
“Is it uncomfortable for a woman to bounce around that much?” Sousuke wondered if he was descending into madness. This kind of comment usually earned Kurz a large boot in the face from Melissa.
“Y-Y-You…..” Kaname’s face had turned bright red. She had NOT expected this turn of events.
Ooooh. That boy was going to really pay some day!
“Uh… never mind… is that all of the food?” Sousuke tried to look innocent.
Kaname was NOT going to leave it at that.
No Way!
“Sousuke…. d-d-do you look at me t-too….” Kaname changed tact. She DID want to hear Sousuke actually admit that he did. But, she was going to make sure that he did not think that he had the upper hand.
“Uh….”
Where did his control go?
This was just like a fierce A.S. battle between equally matched pilots and machines. If luck didn’t favor the victor, experience often did.
He was in trouble.
“Sousuke… I… I really need to know….” Kaname wondered if Sousuke could read her change in approach as a ploy.
He did. But it didn't matter.
“Yes.” Sousuke decided to go for the truth. Thinking of this as a match of wits, he would no longer feel embarrassed.
As long as he kept repeating that fact to himself.
“I see. So, am I wearing a bra or not?” Kaname smiled triumphantly. That ought to do it. They should start engraving her name on the trophy.
Nice try, soldier.
She expected Sousuke to either look and blush, or begin sweating and blush. He did neither.
Instead, he closed his eyes.
“Kaname, I will think the answer.” Just like in combat, the opportunity came that Sousuke needed. He often didn’t know how, but found no reason to look too closely. “You can read it from my mind.”
Kaname’s smile suddenly fell away.
That big jerk!
Just how did he pull that one off?
Gggg-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r….
“Oh. I see. It doesn’t pay to underestimate you, does it? To be honest with you Sousuke. I can’ really read minds.” Kaname got up off of Sousuke‘s lap..
Don't start your victory lap just yet, fella.
The game is not over yet.
“But, that does NOT mean that I can’t tell what you’re thinking.” She kissed the top of his head. “Thank you.” She went to get the last of the food.
Sousuke sat pondering.
How would he ever tell if he won or lost?
Perhaps they both won.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kaname was busy rummaging through her hallway closet, cursing to herself.
“Where ARE they? I thought they were in here. Damn. Damn damn damn damnddamndamn.
Sousuke moved very silently. Kaname never had a clue that he was standing watching her. A box of light bulbs came flying. The sound it made hitting the floor suggest she would need more new light bulbs.
Two unopened boxes of tissues, a pair of worn old gloves, and a package of vacuum cleaner bags almost his Sousuke. Almost. He easily moved and snagged them out of the air. He handed them out to Kaname.
“Oh Sousuke what---?” Kaname stood up too quickly, hitting her head on the door. “Owwwwww. Sousukaaaaaaay…..”
That damn door again.
No. That damn Sousuke again.
She should put a bell on him or something.
She smiled, picturing that.
“Yes, Kaname? What are you looking for?” Sousuke was amused by Kaname’s behavior, but not by the look on her face. She had certainly retained her temper. It just seemed under better control nowadays.
“The halisen?” he asked when Kaname scowled.
Kaname stopped frowning, then blushed. “Sorry, Sousuke. I was looking for some nice candles that I had bought. They would look very nice on the table.”
“I see. Others things burn well, Kaname.” Sousuke spoke conversationally.
He knew something that she didn't.
He would tell her later.
“Sousuke! Don’t even think about it!” Kaname’s face was very intense. She was flooded by memories of otakus past. She kept praying she would be paid a visit by otakus present and future.
“Or, if you like, I have a long-duration cluster flare in my bag….” Souske grinned. “It might last one course of food or two. But, not until dessert.” He saw Kaname’s face relax and her mouth beginning to turn up at the corners.
She knew he was playing.
“It would be rather smoky though, and would stain your ceiling. And walls. Cabinetry. Counters. Sink. Table. Floor---” He didn't have a chance to finish.
Kaname took a large woolen hat out of the closet and pulled it down over Sousuke’s head. “Hmmmpppfff! Men. Once you get them to start talking, they NEVER shut up!” She chuckled and kissed Sousuke through the hat.
When Sousuke took the hat off, Kaname was looking at him strangely.
“Kaname?” Sousuke placed the hat neatly in he closet.
“Have you ever laughed, Sousuke?” Kaname wasn’t certain where that question had come from.
Sousuke was equally taken aback.
Was this a critical issue with Kaname?
“I do not recall, Kaname.” Sousuke knew that answer essential meant ‘No.’ He had never thought much about that before. He wondered what it meant.
“Oh. Do you think anything is truly funny, ever? I don't mean just amusing....” For some reason, the question bothered Kaname. With the upbringing Sousuke had, he may never have found reason to find anything humorous.
She couldn’t imagine herself unable to laugh and express her joy.
Did Sousuke ever feel joy?
She had so many questions about him. He was so different than everybody else.
“Yes, Kaname. I do not feel an urge to laugh when things are funny. Perhaps the things are not funny enough, or I simply have not found the right circumstance.” Sousuke looked at Kaname, wondering if her question indicated some disapproval or disappointment on her behalf.
It would not be a problem.
He had lived through that in Tokyo often enough.
Still, the question left him feeling a bit uneasy.
“Oh. Let’s go eat then. And don’t go pretending I can read minds again, Mister.” Kaname took Sousuke’s arm and pulled him along.
“”I will not, Kaname. If you could, you would realize something that I thought was funny.” He reached out and touched Kaname’s forehead tenderly. “Is this sore?”
“Yes, very.” Kaname stopped. “What was funny Sousuke? Me banging my head?” Her lips formed a tight straight line.
“No. Although, that does make the fact somewhat more humorous.” Sousuke looked over to one of the countertops in the kitchen.
He grinned.
Kaname followed his gaze. Her hands curled into fists. “It figures. Geez…..” She turned to look at Sousuke. She licked her lips.
“Sousuke….why didn’t you tell me that I left the candles on the counter?”
Sousuke reacted incredulously at first. How could he have know they were what she was looking for until she had told him? By that time, she had already tossed the things on the floor and banged her head.
She must be playing again.
Wasn't she?
He could honestly say that he did not know what she was looking for.
She might then say he should have.
He might have said that she was so clever, that he never would have guessed that she would have made such an oversight.
She would probably find some reason to blame him for the oversight.
No.
There was something else he could do.
“Because I am unworthy of you, Kaname.” He bowed his head.
“Well. As long as you know that. Hmmppff!” Kaname smiled. Souske certainly did have a sense of humor. His not being able to laugh was not a problem. Too many of the guys she had gone out with laughed at their own jokes, or anything coarse or corny they heard.
She could do without any more of that.
OK.
She’d take him.
As long as he came with a warranty.
She probably couldn’t even understand the instruction booklet if there was one.
Sousuke was thinking along similar lines. He usually took what other people said with a grain of salt--especially self-adorned experts and things that were considered ‘common’ knowledge. One concept that he heard made sense, however. A number of men had complained that they would never understand women.
He did not feel so bad.
He was not alone.
But, he was showing progress. Before meeting Kaname again, he wouldn’t have even thought much about trying to understand a woman’s thoughts. Now it seemed an important mission, even if it was one doomed to failure.
Funny the difference a few days make.
When they were finally sitting at the dinner table, Kaname led them in some small talk, purposefully staying away from anything serious. There would be enough of that later. She watched very carefully as Sousuke sampled everything that she had cooked.
Yes, she would like a little positive reinforcement.
But, she was also very much interested in which things he liked and which he didn’t.
“What’s wrong, Sousuke?” Kaname wondered if he didn’t like something she had prepared.
“The items that I cooked using your instructions did not turn out as well as yours did. That is a discouraging outcome for a professional.” He stared down at his plate. The tempura he made looked very much like the ones that Kaname had made. But, his were greasy and falling apart. It was illogical to think that she had somehow conspired against him.
“Really? Makes you want to shoot it?” Kaname grinned.
“No.” Sousuke preseed his lips together and looked up at Kaname.
“Blow it up?” Kaname chuckled. That look on Sousuke’s face was a true Kodak moment.
“Negative.” Sousuke scowled at Kaname’s reaction. That only made Kaname laugh, covering her mouth with her hand.
“Then what DO you want to do with it?” Kaname smiled fondly at her boyfriend.
Sousuke thought a moment, rubbing his chin.
“I would like YOU to try it, Kaname.” Sousuke made a tent of his arms and hid his grin behind his hands.
Kaname looked at the pancakes that Sousuke made. Both eyebrows rose.
“Men don’t have to worry as much as a women… I really shouldn’t eat too much.” Kaname looked over at the tempura that Sousuke had made. “You don’t want me to lose my girlish figure, do you?”
“That is not a problem. It is a part of you, isn’t it? How could you lose it?” Sousuke kept a straight face. The more he joked, the easier it became.
What would Kurz and Melissa think?
Or… uh… Cmdr. Mardukas.
Maybe a mature sense of humor wasn't really a good thing after all?
Kname just closed her eyes. She wasn’t even going to respond to that one.
“But, if you do not wish to examine the materials that you yourself taught me to make, I will try to understand. It is not the most important thing, however.” Kaname used this method. The creation of a false and prospective feeling of guilt. Simple, but potentially effective.
“I will still consider you very beautiful to look at.” Flattery and appreciation of her appearance also appeared highly effective.
Kaname blushed, seeing Sousuke looking at her. Instinctively she moved a little more forward in her seat. Her eyes focused on his. Something suddenly seemed somewhat wrong, but she didn’t want to be distracted by anything at the moment.
Sousuke smiled. “If I was one to laugh, I would be laughing now, Kaname.”
“What?” Kaname broke free of her spell. "Why?"
Sousuke pointed at the table in front of Kaname. She had brought her elbow down on a stack of pancakes. “Is that what you think of my cooking, Kaname?” Sousuke felt a feeling inside him he hadn’t ever felt quite the same way before.
The occurrence… the look on Kaname’s face… the words he had come up with… they were amusing.
The feeling felt good.
He wondered if he could feel similar things with such regularity where Kaname was not involved.
Kaname on the other hand was anything but amused. She was embarrassed. That was the kind of thing that some other guy or gal should have done, but not Kaname Chidori. She was suddenly unhappy to see Sousuke with a sense of humor, since it was suddenly at her expense.
And, she really liked this blouse.
Worst of all, there was nothing very romantic about a woman staring into her boyfriend’s eyes... thinking dreamy thoughts... her elbow stick in the middle of greasy pork Okonomiyaki.
Damn!
But, wait.
That didn’t mean she couldn’t come up with something else romantic.
When the world gives you lemons, make lemonade….
Hmmmmmmm.
Oh… that would be very nice. It would teach Sousuke something too. All she needed was an angle.
“I’m going to need to soak this so the stain doesn’t set. I’ll be right back.” Kaname stood up and went over to the laundry area, carrying a wide deep bowl with her.
One part of her had a rather randy suggestion that was by no means acceptable. She would not be taking off her dress… putting it in the washer… and returning to the table dressed in her underwear.
It was much too soon for that.
She came back to the table and put the bowl of water and stain remover on the table. She placed her elbow into it.
“I’m going to need your help, Sousuke. Could you please bring your chair over here.” Kaname fought to keep a smile off her face. She was really looking forward to this. The big buffoon better play along, whether or not he caught on to what she was doing.
“Oh. The top drawer on the right, behind me. Could you get some chopsticks too?”
“Kaname?”
“Ple-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-a-s-e…..” Kaname had a very soulful look on her face.
Souske did as he was asked.
What was she up to now???
"OK, Sousuke. Now you can assist me in eating. Pick up whatever you want on the chopsticks; then, I’ll open my mouth and you can put the food in.” Kaname licked her lips.
“Uh.…”
Kaname smiled, her heart filled with affection for Sousuke.
Who else could make her feel that way with an ‘Uh….’?
“I’m ready, Sousuke.” Kaname blushed Some day those same words might prelude something entirely different.
At least she hoped so.
No sense putting the cart before the horse. She was so used to having things go wrong in her life.
Just once. Could things go the way she wanted? At least for a little while.
Please.
She had to believe that there was reason to hope. Things had gone so much further tonight than she had the right to wish for. True, they may never progress much beyond this stage….
But, they certainly might!
“Affirmative.” Sousuke swallowed. He should have known better than to get to far ahead of himself. He was not as mature as he thought he was. His hand was trembling ever so slightly. “Here you are Kaname.”
Sousuke carefully picked up a small morsel with the chopsticks and place the food in Kaname’s mouth. She had been debating whether she should slowly press her lips against the wood. But, she had an altogether unexpected reaction.
After she swallowed, she began coughing. “Errrr. W-What was t-that, Sousuke?” Tears came to her eyes.
“My tempura sweet potato. You forgot to taste it before.” Sousuke felt satisfied at first. But, he realized that he had hurt Kaname’s feelings in the process.
She obviously had something in mind.
What?
Oh.
Maybe that was it.
“I… you… ooooh…” Kaname stopped her incipient explosion. Sousuke had put his finger over her lips.
“Here. I’ll do it correct this time.” He held out a piece of the tempura prawn that Kaname had cooked.
Did Kaname want him to show that he cared? Was this some form of standard courtship activity?
What might his action oblige him to do later?
She wouldn’t open her mouth. Closing her eyes, she shrugged her shoulder and sat still.
“My apologies. I will put my chair back where it belongs.” Sousuke stood up.
How long would it take for Kaname to respond?
He looked down at his watch.
“Did I give you permission to get up, Sousuke?” Kaname still had her eyes closed.
“Uh… no. Do I need permission?” Sousuke looked down at his watch.
It had only been two seconds.
Kaname had a calculating look in her eyes.
Wrong answer, Sousuke.
Way wrong answer.
“Only if you ever want me to forgive you, Sousuke.” Kaname opened her eyes.
Sousuke looked at Kaname.
No doubt this was part of the game too. Kaname obviously expected him to play along. He would do so.
Sousuke sat and took up the chopsticks again. He held the prawn up for Kaname again. She shook her head.
“You need to use your fingers now, Sousuke.” She smiled.
Just go with the flow.
That which doesn’t kill him will make him stronger.
Anything that made him stronger would make her happier.
“Uh….” Sousuke did as he was asked. He was relived when she didn’t bite him.
Kaname wanted to sample everything, keeping Sousuke busy. When she handing him a ball of takoyaki, she bit his fingers softly. It was fun watching a trained soldier blush.
When he handed her a lump of unagi, she wrapped her lips around his finger. It had been precious seeing him jump ever so slightly.
She had stepped beyond her usual boundaries.
It felt great.
Her goal was to someday make it feel great for a special young man as well.
“Thank you Sousuke. I can take care of things by myself now. I’m very proud of you.” Kaname gave Sousuke a pat on the knee. “Good job, soldier.”
“Kaname?”
“I wouldn’t trade you for anyone in the world, Sousuke.”
She felt warm, seeing the look on Sousuke’s face.
They would do just fine.
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Kaname finished cleaning the last of the dishes.
She had thought about leaving them for later, wanting to further the mood she had worked hard to create around her and Sousuke. It had been so wonderful.
But, the pots, pans, dishes, and wok would be harder to clean later if they sat too long. And, she had needed to come back down to earth some, before she would be ready to talk to Sousuke about her past.
Sousuke had asked if he could assist her in the clean-up. That had made her feel very good. Not one of the other guys she had cooked for made that offer. None of them even offered to help clear the table.
But, it was time she needed to spend alone.
She couldn’t let the unfolding events of the evening seduce her in a way Sousuke himself did not know how to do.
She could not allow herself any excuse to avoid her difficult task.
Despite the growing sense of tension within her, Kaname smiled warmly, remembering something Sousuke had said before she sent him into the living room to wait. She had told him it was his job to go, relax, and get the couch warmed-up.
His face had looked shocked for a moment. She had seen it. That look would be secreted away into her mental scrapbook.
“If I can clean a gun… or an ARX-9... I am certain that I can clean dinner utensils.”
Three years ago, Kaname would have had given him some angry or arrogant reply...... or said something to put him down for being an otaku. Tonight, she had smiled at his way of expressing himself, touched by his generosity.
She wondered if she would have behaved the same way… or the way she had before… if she and Sousuke had been around each other for the past three years.
Could the separation have been a good thing?
That really didn't matter now.
As long as he was near her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Sousuke leaned back and closed his eyes.
His wound from the fight with the terrorists was hurting again.
He should have taken better care of it on the scene, but he had been more worried about Kaname. It certainly didn’t help, carrying her all that distance. But, that had been all he could think about at the time.
Kaname.
She was so different now.
The things he admired about her before, were still there. The things that had made him sweat or stare were still there as well, but they were even more distracting than before. And the reactions they caused were certainly more drastic.
He needed these quiet moments now, just to regain his equilibrium.
By all accounts, Kaname was like a Specialist in what she had done tonight. Whenever an opportunity arose, she made good use of it. When she had been faced with a difficult or unsettling moment, she rose to the occasion.
And, she was certainly very dangerous.
Yes.
Somehow, she had managed to access parts of Sousuke that had been untapped before. It seemed to have pleased her.
That is good.
But, it had left him uncertain.
That was not necessarily bad.
Especially since he had seemed to be responding unconsciously to certain cues.
Sousuke ran his hand through his hair.
This was almost like walking down a dark and deserted street, gun in hand, on the look-out for an enemy whose position is unknown to you. You could be hunting them. They could be hunting you.
There could be benefits from moving forward boldly, but only if you knew what lay ahead, and were sure what you were up against.
He didn't.
And, he felt like a greenhorn. He was reacting blindly to the things he sensed and felt.
Perhaps that was what was right in this situation, however.
There could be benefits from moving carefully, heading from one point of cover to another... biding your time... learning the lay of the land.
But, even that approach worked best when there was a mission objective, even one as simple as 'make it home alive.'
What was his mission objective here?
He wasn't really sure.
But, he would look to Kaname as his squad leader in this endeavor. he would let her lead, and he would follow. He was not embarrassed being led by a woman. He had followed Melissa. And Tessa.
But, that had been professional. This was personal. It was still somewhat amazing to Sousuke that he had something personal.
Kaname.
The very sight of her had him feeling on edge, filled with a sense of anticipation and excitement. Before, he had only felt that way when he ran across an exceedingly rare military history text… found a new weapon he particularly like… or prepared for a battle against numerically superior forces.
But, this was different.
Her voice… her perfume… certain postures she adopted… the feel of her body pressed against him… the wetness of her lips and his fingers.
Sousuke swallowed.
Even those fresh memories had their own power over him.
He had worked hard to deal with her loss before. The feelings he had before were strong, but nothing compared to the ones he had felt tonight .
It was like comparing a Colt Peacemaker to an HK MP-7.
If he…
No.
When he was called away from Tokyo again, how would these new discoveries affect him? How much more painful would it be to deal with the separation form Kaname next time?
Was it wise you set himself up for such mental and emotional turmoil? How was he helping himself by letting himself go the was he was tonight? Were his actions a breaking of faith with Mithril? Should he be feeling guilty now? Would it be best if he simply resisted?
Negative!
Not only was he discovering things about himself, he also seemed to be making Kaname happy. Leraning about himself, even if it later caused him discomfort, was important. But, taking care of Kaname, in whatever way was possible, was paramount.
It wasn’t just a carry-over from his time at Jindai High School.
The need to see that she was safe and contented had wrapped itself around him like a vine. Sure, some of the growth had started before. But, new shoots had broken ground and started their work, growing and wrapping around him.
But, while he felt somewhat more entangled, he paradoxically felt more free.
Why?
Looking up, he saw Kaname walking towards him, a number of photograph albums in her arms. Her step was somewhat hesitant, and her posture did not speak of self assuredness.
She had difficult things to talk about.
The fact that she would speak to him of things she would not talk to others about made him feel good and uncomfortable at the same time. He had a very big responsibility here. Not only to listen, but to offer comfort and support.
Could he do that? Kaname was a natural when it came to feeling things.
He would obviously be learning more about Kaname.
In the process, he would also find out some things about himself.
That was a good thing.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kaname sat down on the couch next to Sousuke.
The books she carried sat heavily on her lap. It was time. She needed to do this. For herself as well as the man she had once hurt.
For the man she was falling in love with again.
It wasn’t as if she hadn’t discussed such things with people before. She had. With Kyouko, and a few other choice friends. But, she had never truly opened up completely and become vulnerable when she had done so.
Tonight she would.
“Miss me?” She asked Sousuke.
If he said ‘I was never aiming at you, Kaname,’ she would smack him over the head with one of the albums.
“Yes.” Sousuke looked down at the photo albums, then up at Kaname’s eyes---they looked so vulnerable. Perhaps he would not attempt any levity, even in self defense.
“I’m really glad you’re here with me tonight, Sousuke.” Kaname’s eyes grew wider and her lips parted. “I hope you feel the same way.” She curled her lower lip under her upper.
“Affirmative.” Sousuke lowered his eyes after a moment. There were a lot of things he still needed to think through before he might have a perfect understanding of them, but he knew one thing for certain.
“I cannot… uh.” He looked up again, mesmerized by the look on her face. “I cannot think of any place I would rather be.” He swallowed.
For some reason, that had been hard to admit. Why did he suddenly feel so anxious? His hands were gripping his kness… he needed to relax….
Kaname’s eyes teared up. She leaned over and gave Sousuke a quick kiss on the cheek. For a moment, she felt dizzy.
“I thought we’d look at these first.” Kaname opened the photo album that held pictures from her time at Jindai High School. “Is that OK?” She watched Sousuke’s mouth and eyes. How would he react to this?
“Yes. I will follow your lead, Kaname. I trust your judgment.” Sousuke’s eyes looked over the first page of familiar faces that Kaname had opened to, before he looked back at Kaname. He thought a moment, wondering how to put one thought into words.
“You need not worry about what I want now. This is something for you most of all. That is how it should be.”
“Thank you, Sousuke.” Kaname felt a warmth spread through her, It was unlike anything she had felt before.
“I will say this, though. Do not go further than you are able tonight. There is nothing you can say that will harm me. But, do not cause yourself undue harm trying to make a sacrifice on my behalf. This is not battle, Kaname. If circumstances allow, you may always stop, then wait until you’re better prepared.” He nodded his head, asking a question that she had a habit of using.
“Understood?”
“Yes.” Kaname smiled. She scooted over a little closer to Sousuke.
The two of them paged through the album. Kaname told Sousuke that she had originally taken out all of the pictures that had any reference to a certain moody military maniac. It had been quite a coincidence that she had glued them in not long before she stumbled across him again.
Even though Sousuke was sitting right beside her, Kaname had a slight bit of difficulty with her voice as she showed him some of the pictures that Kyouko had take not long after Sousuke’s mission had ended.
Sousuke hung his head. In each of the pictures, Kaname had tried to smile, but her eyes looked more like those of a captive being tortured.
He gripped his knees again, hard. He was responsible for that. His getting close to her, and allowing her to do the same in return, had opened her up to tremendous sadness and pain.
The pictures were not easy to look at.
“It’s OK, Sousuke.” Kaname gave Sousuke a kiss on the cheek, then pried his hands off of his knees. “None of that pain remains. Not right now.”
“I…” Sousuke never had the chance to say what he intended to.
“And don’t worry about the future. Not tonight.” She squeezed his hand. “Please.”
“As you wish.” Sousuke shivered a moment. His choice of words had reminded him of The Princess Bride and the narration at the beginning of that movie.
Wesley would say “As you wish,’ whenever Buttercup would order the farm boy around. What he was really saying was ‘I love you.’
Sousuke could not be certain just how deeply he cared about Kaname.
Not yet.
“Sousuke? Is there something wrong?” Kaname looked concerned for a moment.
“Negative.” He hoped Kaname would not probe any further.
Kaname had a calculating look in her eyes at first, but simply gave Sousuke a pat on the cheek and got back to the photo album. As they went from page by page, Kaname spoke about some of her feelings at the time.
It was an instructive time for Sousuke. For Kaname, they were moments of catharsis.
“Congratulations, Kaname.” Sousuke said when he saw Kanames graduation photos.
“Thank you, Sousuke.” Kaname wormed her hand under Sousuke’s. Finished with the first album, she needed a short moment of support before moving on to the next.
Sousuke noted the subtle changes in Kaname. He squeezed her hand, looking over at the second photo album. He wondered what was in that one. His speculation was spot on, as he would find out a little later.
“Hanging in there, Sousuke?” Kaname smiled a lopsided smile at the young soldier.
“I’m a Specialist.” He answered.
Kaname looked at him, then gave him a quick hug. “Yes…. You certainly are….”
Who else could make her feel the way she did now?
(JK)
lol j/k
Which brings to mind another question, should I refer to you as dave_d, dd, or your full name on the page?