FullMetal*Panic!

“It is a necessity, Miss Chidori. I am sorry.”

Lt. Kalinin looked as if he had been carved from stone. But, inside, he sympathized with Kaname Chiodri. It was simple fact of life aboard Da Danaan: combat operations take precedent over one girl’s desires.

“I… it’s OK… I guess it was kind of stupid, thinking that Sousuke might actually need my help.” Kaname tried to laugh her trademark laugh, but couldn’t. “You know… maybe I just wanted to be there with him in whatever way I could.”

“There was no harm in asking. It does you credit, wanting to help.” Kalin was one of the numerous crew members that thought very highly of the young Whispered woman. “But, Sgt. Sagara has gained a high level of facility with the Lambda Driver. We can take no risk of distractions of any kind.”

As Kaname and her family began to leave the commons area, Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin called out to Shunya. “Mr. Chidori, may I have a word with you. I apologize for not being able to find the time earlier.”

“I… certainly…” Shunya nodded to Kaname and Ayame. “It’s quite understandable. There has been a great deal going on here. I never would have guessed what I was letting us in for.”

“From what I understand, you do not think very highly of my subordinate, Sgt. Sagara.” Kalinin asked Shunya to follow him to his cabin, where they could continue their conversation in private. “I do not usually get involved in such private matters…” he continued, when they were seated in a pair of simple but well-crafted chairs. “…But, Sousuke has no family to speak on his behalf.”

“I realize that. I have no ill things to say about the young man’s prowess as a soldier or his aptitude for saving the world.” Shunya clenched his fists briefly. It was hard, thinking that the young man who made a shambles of the dinner at Chez Pierre was the same one responsible for everyone’s life. “It’s none of my business, the career that he pursues, or the company he keeps.”

“But, you are worried about what kind of person he may be. You worry about your daughter’s safety around him. He is not the kind of suitor you would ever choose for Kaname.” Kalinin made a steeple of his hands. “You are right to do so, seeing and hearing what you have. I would do the same, had I not grown to know him under circumstances that are not available to most fathers.” He offered Shunya some tea, which the other man politely refused. “I have a daughter about Kaname’s age. It has been a long time since I have seen her.”

Shunya nodded. There would be a story coming.

“As you know, in 1980, the Soviet Spetsnaz murdered President Hafizullah Amin and replaced him with the Parcham follower Babrak Karmal, who was close to the KGB. After that, the Soviet army invaded.” Kalinin’s had a faraway look. “I was on the Alpha Team that carried out the task.”

“What…” Shunya grabbed the arm of his chair. He swallowed hard. It was easy to forget what kind of men he was dealing with, despite the fact that he was currently onboard the submarine of a mercenary force.

“I will not claim justification for what I did. Neither will I ask for forgiveness. We were Spetsnaz and Soviet citizens. We did the job our country gave us.” The Russian’s voice was firm and unwavering. “For a number of years, I lived through dark nights in the mountains of Afghanistan. I heard the angry roar of helicopter engines in thin air. I grew used to deafening bursts of automatic gunfire and the blasts of hand grenades exploding in narrow canyons and within the packed mud walls of Afghan villages. Both day and night, I lived my life in an exhausting dash, not knowing which of my comrades I would discover dead, and which alive.”

Shunya changed his mind. He would take tea after all. But, he refused the offered sweets, no longer having any appetite.

“The Soviet command had realized that mechanized infantry units were not effective against Mujahideen guerrilla tactics. We were the only forces capable of fighting the enemy on his own terms. Even our crack units lacked mountain-warfare training. In Afghanistan we found a world different from the one we had been trained to fight in. There were new and unique challenges to master quickly. The frustration of waging what appeared to be an unwinnable war against unconventional guerilla forces began to erode our humanity.“ Kalinin poured the tea for Shunya, leaving his own cup empty.

Kaname’s father thought about his brief stint in the Japanese military. Naturally, there had been no combat, and the hardships had been few and far between. He couldn’t imagine what the other man must have lived through.

”The mujahadeen were like Mao Tse Tung’s ‘fish in the sea’, so our commanders established a brutal policy aimed at draining the figurative sea itself. Civilians were driven out of their homes as our forces indiscriminately bombed villages, destroyed crops, wrecked orchards and irrigation systems, and scattered anti-personnel mines over large tracts of the country-side, wherever a guerilla presence was suspected." Kalinin tapped one finger against the saucer of his cup, and then stopped. “The common way of thinking, even amongst the elite units, was that there was no peaceful population. They were all guerrilla fighters. I remember how the men rounded up women and children, poured kerosene over them, and set fire to everyone. Yes, it was cruel. But those children were torturing our wounded soldiers with knives."

Shunya nearly dropped his cup.

“I would not take part in the atrocities, but had not yet decided to act against them. Not all of the Afghani children behaved in that fashion; but, many did, including Sousuke Sagara.” Kalinin looked square in Shunya’s eyes. “Yes. At one point, Sgt. Sagara and I fought against one another. We each developed a great deal of respect for the other, even though we would have gladly put a bullet in the other’s eye.” He poured himself some tea.

“And… this is… I’m supposed to feel relieved somehow?” Shunya tensed up. If anything, his feelings towards the boy were even harsher than before.

“Do not make the mistake of judging him, Sir.” Kalinin’s voice became harsh. “His mother and father were killed by Soviet troops, right before his eyes. They were not even native to the country, and had come to Afghanistan to do relief work. Put yourself in his shoes. It is a miracle he survived. It is even more amazing that he fights for the good of others after seeing all that he has seen.”

“I…” Shunya closed his mouth. He blinked rapidly. The stark reality was difficult to grasp.

“As I was saying, the mood amongst the Soviet soldiers was a dark one. Many of them felt as if they were drunk on blood. Some killed out of boredom. There were those who equated things with the hunting of rabbits. Such things were not discouraged. Quite the contrary. There were many devilish acts, including the purposeful targeting of children with the dispersal of millions of land mines.” Kalinin sipped his tea. “Many of these explosive devises were designed to look like toys, and were fashioned in bright colors to attract the curiosity of children. These explosives were shaped like butterflies, or kites, made of translucent plastic, making them especially irresistible to unsuspecting children. The purpose was to murder and to maim children who might otherwise mature into freedom fighters.”

Kaname’s father looked sick. She shook his head, as if that could make the truth go away or erase the terrible suffering that countless Afghani had suffered. He pictured images of Kaname and Ayame growing up in that kind of environment, and quickly chased those thoughts away.

“Sousuke may well have felt helpless to stop the atrocities that he witnessed on a daily basis. Perhaps that is why he fights so hard for those incapable for fighting for themselves. Can you imagine what it must have been like for him to see people hanging trees, doused with gasoline, and burned alive? What might it have been like for him to witness soldiers tying dynamite to villagers’ backs and blowing them up.” Kalinin closed his eyes. “That was kindness compared to atrocities used to extract information about the Muslim freedom fighters. They would slowly roast a children over fires."

That time, Shunya spilled his tea. Somehow it wasn’t as difficult sitting there awaiting the possible end of the world as it was hearing examples of man’s cruelty against man.

“Our troops would encircle entire villages… enter each dwelling…and kill every inhabitant, including old men, women and children. Before leaving, they would burn down the entire everything. In villages near Qandahar, they killed more than three hundred women and children, in retaliation for a Mujahadeen attack in the vicinity. After slitting the throats of the children… disemboweling pregnant women… raping, shooting and mutilating others… the troops poured a substance on the bodies which caused instant decomposition." Kalinin sighed. “Sousuke grew quite adept with weapons, learning to stop men like that. Many a woman and child is alive today thanks to someone who had been no more than a child himself.”

“He’s… Sgt. Sagara has been a soldier most of his life then…” Shunya suddenly felt chill.

“Yes,” Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin said. “He missed out on so much. That’s why he had so much trouble fitting into the school, not because he is violent or cold-hearted.” The bearded man actually chuckled. “By necessity, defending your daughter, he had to have a hair trigger. He was not willing to take any chances. Add that to the fact that he had no idea how teenagers actually lived there lives…”

“I see. He had to do all that while keeping things secret. No wonder Kaname gets so frustrated with him at times.” Shunya felt troubled. He didn’t know how to feel about the young man.

“Yes. There came a time when the two of us began working together. I will not go into those details. Suffice it to say that we had barriers to break down between us. There was more. I had trouble trusting a child who had done and seen terrible things. But, there is a telling proverb. ‘He that never climbed, never fell’.” Kalinin looked up, seeing if the other man took his point.

“You’re saying that he grew strong through adversity? Not just in body, but in mind and spirit as well?” Shunya could see how that might happen. Just the same, he couldn’t help but think of wild animals raised amongst people. They might seem tame and loving, but the potential always existed for tragedy.

“Precisely. It is no understatement to say that he is one of the finest young men I have ever come to know. In many ways, I have come to treat him as a son. Believe me when I say that it is not always easy for me to do so, given the past we share.” He took another sip of tea. “It seems that living through adversity may have had a similar effect on your eldest child. Kaname is a rather resourceful and determined young woman. As she no doubt told you, she helped save Mithril personnel on a number of occasions. There are many men who would have faired much more poorly under the exact same circumstances.”

“Yes. But, I’d much rather she never had to face such circumstances again.” Shunya’s implied meaning was quite clear.

“Ahhh. We come to the crux of the matter, I think.” Kalinin broke apart a small Russian honey cake. “It would be fair for me to say that Sousuke Sagara, at great risk to himself, has saved your daughter many times more than he has put her in comparable danger. While you may not wish to believe that, the facts stand for themselves.” He took a bite of cake and nodded in pleasure. It was quite good. There was nothing else quite like it. “How many young men not only care about Kaname’s safety, but also are expert with weapons… from combat knives up to Arm Slaves?”

“But…” Shunya nodded his head. The truth was plain enough. But, that did not mean that he had to be happy with it.

“It is not my place to make suggestions for you,” Kalinin said. “And, I myself would not make decisions out of gratitude that I otherwise would not make. I would merely make one point. Your daughter may have already been gifted with her best possible protector. How fortunate might she be, if the same young man was also her soul mate?”

The two men spoke on different topics after that. It was too soon to see if the seed that was planted would ever grow.

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“Stop! Reverse! Now!”

Arbalest leapt backwards off of the metal walkway, just as a series of explosive bolts fired, dropping one small section into the lava below.

“Dammit! We don’t have time!”

Sousuke grabbed his control lever with terrible intensity. It was bad enough to be lined up against Arm Slaves he knew nothing about. It was worse being on the bad end of a four-to-one mismatch. Worst of all was being the visiting team on the playing field, one which his opponents actually had control over.

He and the other combatants all been rushing or jumping this way or that, but no one had gained a suitable opening for attack. When he had been new to Arbalest, Sousuke had been in just such a situation when faced up against Gauron. Now, there was a total of five Arm Slaves bounding about the surroundingarea, waiting for the other side to make a mistake.

“They are not attacking, Sergeant. It may be that the entire platform is set with explosives.”

“I know, Al.” Sousuke cursed under his breath. If he stuck to the metal structure, he could be dropped down by well-timed charges. If he ran along the rocky lip of the crater, he would be slowed down at danger of being knocked down slope.

“What’s wrong? Is the big bad boy afraid of some little girls?” The first voice drawled infuriatingly.

“It may be… you know… his first time…” The second voice said slyly.

“That’s what they get for sending a boy to do a woman’s job.” The third voice laughed.

“I am not surprised to hear women warriors spend more time talking than fighting. I would at least have like to hear challenges worthy of a soldier, not a bar woman or camp follower.” Sousuke clenched his teeth. He doubted that he could anger anyone into a misstep. They didn’t have to push the fight the way that he did. All they needed to do was hold their ground until the equilibrium between the Sun-Earth system was thrown out of whack. “Why should I be surprised, faced by nameless cowards and their gaudily painted Arm Slaves? Hmmmpppfff!” He added that last part in honor of Kaname.

“You bastard!” The second voice said.

“Asshole!” The third voice shouted.

“Better. But, not up to the quality of a man’s insult.” Sousuke began calculating distances around the metal platform. If he could find a way to destroy the structure, the playing field could be leveled somewhat. No. he didn‘t have enough firepower. “After I defeat you here and stop this foolish plot, I will return to base and take things out on my woman. It will be your fault.” Sousuke tried to dredge things out of his memory. He had heard countless mercenaries talking about women. “I’ll smack her around until she ceases putting up a fight. I’ll find some excuse to do it repeatedly. Then I will throw her on the bed and perform violent and demeaning sexual acts on her, before giving her to my friends for the remainder of the evening.”

He had no idea what the girls’ motivation was. Were they fighting because they had been held back from doing things that they wanted, by virtue of their sex? Or, had they been punished somehow for doing things that their culture or cultures would not let women do? Had they been victimized in some fashion? Or, might they simply be the best group of pilots in the enemy force?

“YOU… WILL… NOT…”

Sousuke couldn’t tell which one of the nameless girls that was. It would probably be the one in the bronze-colored A.S., as that machine took a few steps towards him.

“You are incorrect. I will. What is more, I will do it that she begs for more. Deep inside, every woman is a whore. That is what you are all trying to deny. I have seen the proof of this. When I was orphaned, I was raised by prostitutes. No doubt the group of you is too ugly to serve in that capacity.” Sousuke had trouble saying that. He had made it a point to rescue women from that kind of situation, including girls at Jindai High School who had been working at a brothel.

“DAMN YOU.”

That time, the silver-colored A.S. jerked ever so slightly. That had Sousuke nodding his head. His opponents may well be very good. Perhaps they had only faced lesser opponents. They were not as calm and cool as they pretended.

“I don’t hear anyone denying it. That is the reason you hang back, watching me. If I were to touch you, you would no doubt beg like dogs.” Sousuke felt soiled, repeating some of the things that Kuzr Weber might say in jest. “You would fight each other, wanting to be first. Loyalties amongst women last only until they see a man they all desire.” Sousuke was actually sweating. He began walking the ARX-7 slowly along the rim of the crater, looking for an opening or idea. That approach might actually save time in the long run.

“N-E-V-E-R!”

The copper color A.S. raised it’s Gatling Gun, but did not fire. Sousuke was beginning to feel more in control, until the A.I. Spoke.

“Sergeant. What will Miss Chidori say when she hears these things that you are saying. Does she truly wish for those things to happen?”

Sousuke blanked communications momentarily. “Uhhh… No. This is merely a ploy. You will not repeat these things to Kaname Chidori.” He thought an instant more. “You will not repeat them to anyone!”

“Roger.”

“ENOUGH!” The first voice reverberated across the com link. The gold-colored A.S. fired quick bursts at the feet of the other three machines to get their attention. The pilot inside, the first voice and probable squad leader, spoke with passion as Sousuke tuned his com set back on. “He is trying to mess with your minds…”

“I believe the word is ‘f-ck’,” Sousuke said, taking a page out of Melissa’s book. That word scorched his tongue, being one he almost never used. “It is either what you do… what you want… or what you are no good for.”

“You… you…” The fourth voice was very faint.

“Nice try,” the first voice said, seething with anger. “We of the Vishpla will not be so foolish. I doubt that one such as you could stand against a single Amazon A.S., much less four fighting as a team. Word has come of a young man piloting a white A.S. with Lambda Driver capacity. You have been defeated before, have you not?”

Sousuke frowned. Not it was their turn, eh? It didn’t matter. His past defeats only made him more determined not to lose now. He would not be overconfident. That much was for sure.

“That’s right,” the second voice said. “We were chosen amongst many applicants. I earned the name Artemesia.” In antiquity, Queen Artemesia of Herodotus' homeland of Halicarnassus gained renown for her brave actions in the Battle of Salamis, in which she allied herself with the Persian Xerxes and against Greece.

“Yes! And I was granted the name Boudicca,” the third voice said. When her husband Prasutagus died, the actual Boudicca became queen of the Iceni in Britain. For several months during A.D. 60-61 she led the Iceni in revolt against the Romans in response to their treatment of her and her daughters. She burned three major Roman towns, Londinium, Verulamium, and Camulodunum.

“I am called Samsi, but a man such as you has no right speaking that name,” the fourth voice said without stammering. Queen Samsi rebelled against Assyrian King Tiglath Pileser III in the 700s B.C. by refusing to pay tribute. “And our leader is called Tomyris. If we cannot bring her down in practice, there is no way that one such as you can.” Students of ilitary history know that Tomyris became queen of the Massegetai upon the death of her husband. Cyrus of Persia wanted her kingdom and offered to marry her for it, but she declined and they fought each other, instead. Cyrus tricked the third of Tomyris' army led by her son, who was taken prisoner and committed suicide. Then the army of Tomyris ranged itself against the Persians, defeated it and killed King Cyrus.

“You are four women who act to steal the lives from billions of women,” Sousuke felt his anger growing. He had seen countless women dead after rebel attacks and acts of brutality. He could not imagine death on a planetary scale. “It does not matter what fanciful names you take. History will remember you as worse that Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot, and men of that stripe. The only difference is that you will fail.”

“We… no… you don’t understand…” The voice of the one called Samsi raised in pitch.

“SILENCE. WE HAVE OUR CALLING. IT HAS BEEN EXPLAINED TO US.”

Tomyris’ shout had barely died down when Sousuke spoke again. “The Bolshevik taste for the absolute, for utopian dreams and violence, might seem distant now in this country, which lost between eight and twenty million through famines, labor camp mortality, and state terrorism. In a sense, it was a cult of death, much like the dream of a universal Caliphate that has gained widespread ascendancy over current radical Muslims. The Nazi’s brought about the holocaust. More than six million Jews died. Add in other persecuted groups, and the number grows between eleven and twenty-six million.”

“None of that is our fault…. We…” the one called Artemesia sounded troubled.

Sousuke continued. “Mao Tse-tung had harems of young girls… and occasionally boys…for his pleasure in various parts of China. His ‘Great Leap Forward‘ was no such thing. Much of China's cultural heritage was destroyed. Huge numbers of Chinese intellectuals were imprisoned. At least twenty million people starved to death. So, when leaders speak of utopia, it must exist, right? The Khmer Rouge tried quickly to impose a communist paradise that excluded money, religion, property, cities, law, and even romantic marriage. Children were taken from their parents at age seven. Anyone caught reading or wearing glasses was considered an intellectual and killed. But, Pol Pot only managed to kill one in five Cambodians. It is strange that women will surpass him and the others by a wide margin.” Sousuke paused. “No doubt you are very proud. No doubt your mothers and sisters would be even more proud.”

“I… that’s not what we were… it’s…” Boudicca sounded confused, questioning.

“STOP THAT! WE MUST SHUT HIM UP! NOW!”

“But… what if he’s right… our leaders are mostly men… and…” Samsi was unable to finish.

Sousuke judged them to be at their most confused and vulnerable. He did not have time to wait to see if there would be any defections. If his opponents were no better or worse than the Amalgam pilots he had faced in Hong Kong, and their Amazon A.S. type was no more capable than the Venom machines that his five foes had fought, Arbalest’s superiority might be a deciding factor.

He knew his primary target. The gold A.S. The one with the leader. If any defeat would demoralize the group, it would be hers. But, her death might also galvanize the others into an even fiercer defense. The vagaries of warfare never ceased to amaze him.

The enemy had been spurred to take the offensive. He well knew the meaning of the Chinese curse: ‘Be careful what you ask for. You might get it.’

But, if the pendulum of fate just swung in his favor, he would not complain.

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“Sousuke…”

Kaname wandered through the hangar area, feeling a need to stretch her legs. Absentmindedly, she returned the greetings she received from various crewmembers, unable to remember who she spoke to moments before.

This was hard. It was so very hard. She had wanted to talk with Sousuke, in case she could be of help to him again. After all, they seemed to come out on top whenever they worked as a team. Terrible things might happen, but it was always the end result that counted. This time, he was on his own, and she was left wondering what he was doing, if he was alive at all.

“Just my luck… I finally have a boyfriend…”

Her father had been resolute on that restriction. But, she didn’t feel bad about breaking his rules. She was a normal teenage girl with normal teenage girl emotions. Add to that fact that she had been rescued on more than one occasion, and she felt no guilt over her feelings for the boy who would give his life for her.

That wasn’t the major problem, even if it was the one that threatened to tear her world apart, should there be a world left when all was said and done. It would be hard, to be dragged away from Sousuke, never to see him again… or at least not until she was through with college, or willing to go out on a limb and defy her father. But, in some ways, it would be harder deciding what she wanted for her life, if her father gave her carte blanche.

“Does it ever get easier?”

Sousuke had left Mithril for a while, but returned when she was safe and he was desperately needed again. Could he ever leave for good? What if he didn’t? Was it fair to herself, setting her up for an endless series of days like this? How did soldiers’ wives cope? What about the wives of fire fighters and police officers?

She stopped, feeling her knees go weak. Once again, the realization hit her. It was amazing how one can get used to terrible and drastic things, to the point that they become second nature or are taken for granted.

“D’oh, Kaname.”

What was she doing, thinking like a normal girl? She wasn’t a normal girl. She was Whispered. Unless that kind of thing went away with age, her status as some kind of freakish cookie jar was not about to simply evaporate or disappear in a puff of smoke. If she and Sousuke ever did spend their lives together, he could walk away from danger and risk, but she couldn’t.

Kaname felt guilty, thinking about her own problems while the fate of billions of people lay in the balance. Then again, she was only human. The boy she loved was in danger. If he came back a conquering hero, she might still be prevented from staying by his side. She and the other people aboard Da Danaan had survived an attack by enemy undersea craft. There was reason to be edgy and upset.

“Maybe I can’t save the whole world. But, what about Sousuke’s world?”

Kaname sighed. She loved her father. He really did want what was best for her, but had a different view of that than she did. She missed spending time with Ayame, and couldn’t help but wonder how her sister’s life might have been different if they had spent the last couple of years together. It would hurt to throw that all away, or damage things beyond repair.

She loved Sousuke too. There was no doubt about that. It wasn’t just school girl fascination or gratitude. She wasn’t like kidnap victims who developed some kind of bond to their rescuers or abductors. Sousuke just felt right. How could she give that up without a fight? When did Kaname Chidori ever give up without a struggle?

If she chose to stay with Sousuke in Tokyo, she wouldn’t hurt for money. Sousuke had a substantial amount of money squirreled away. He could easily pay for two apartments, even though she would not accept charity. She would work after school, paying whatever she could. Or, they could share a place. No. Their relationship had not reached that stage yet, and she was not willing to give up her flexibility and sense of freedom.

“There is a lot to think about.”

Kaname looked over at a row of squatting M9s. She saw Melissa standing near the feet of one, a beer in hand. Looking on top of the nearby ladder, she saw Kurz. He was leaning into the cockpit, speaking with someone.

“Yo! Ka-nah-may…” Obviously, Kurz had spotted her. “I’m showing the cuter Chidori girl what it’s like to pilot an A.S. If you like, when I’m done, I can do the same for you again. I’m a much more cheerful teacher than Sergeant Somber.” He suddenly grabbed for the side of the M9. Melissa had kicked the wheeled ladder away.

Kaname just shook her head. It seemed that a lot of people had gone out of their way trying to entertain Ayame. The fighter pilots and maintenance crews had shown her what they could. The engineers had taken her to see what they did, and the cooks let her help in the kitchen.

“Later!” Kaname left Ayame in the care of Sousuke’s best friends. She was not in the mood to socialize, no matter how good of a distraction it might be. Somehow, it might feel wrong to spend her last moments alone in her cabin, if things were coming to an end. But, she had something she wanted to do.

She would write two letters. It might help her decide what she should schoose. One letter would be to Sousuke, telling him just how much she cared and what he meant to her. He would get that note if she went back to America with her family. The other letter would be to her father. She would tell him how much she owed to him, and how much she loved him and Ayame. He would get that letter if she chose to stay with Sousuke in Tokyo.

After that, if she was able, she would take a nap. That might be impossible; but, it was her story and she was sticking to it. Who knows, when she woke up, things might be better.