FullMetal*Panic!

Kaname and Sousuke sat on a very comfortable yet elegant sofa in the middle of a brightly decorated livingroom. They watched as Sagara Hanako walked in and out of adjoining rooms, gathering together framed photographs, old yearbooks, magazine clippings, and photo albums from every corner of her home. She had more energy and spirit than you would expect to find in a woman of her years.

“I so rarely get visitors.” She smiled as she set down a box of old photographs next to the already impressive pile on her antique coffee table. “You’ll forgive me if I’m a bit excited. You see, my daughter and her family moved to Okinawa several years back, so I only see them once or twice a year. My younger son still lives in town, but his business takes up a great deal of his time. My granddaughter comes to see me every other Sunday, but I don’t think she enjoys it very much. She’s at that age where she’d rather be with her friends than sitting around with an old woman like me. I was the same way when I was fourteen, so I really can’t complain. Still, she’s a good girl.”

Kaname smiled, picturing her younger sister. Ayame was starting to get to that age, too.

“I’m sorry, I’m being terribly rude. Kazama-kun, Chidori-san, can I offer you some tea?”

Kazama. Of all the names, Sousuke had used that otaku Shinji’s as his alias! Kaname gripped the edge of the sofa, fighting back the urge to smack her companion over the head with one of the many heavy photo albums stacked in front of her. How could he not tell this poor woman who he was? Was he really going to come this far only to gather enough information to complete his project and then continue on as if nothing had happened? This was his family, wasn’t it? Didn’t he want a chance to know them? Didn’t they deserve to know that he was still alive?

“That will not be necessary, thank you. I do not require anything at this time.”

“Er, uh, yes. I’m fine, thank you Sagara obaasan.” Kaname smiled awkwardly as she bowed her thanks.

“Well then, let’s get started. What would you like to know? You said you had questions about Mayu-chan. You may ask me anything you like.”

Sousuke furrowed his brow. He should have planned this out better, but the woman had taken him so much by surprise when she arrived, that he had barely managed to come up with a plausible cover story. He must be slipping. If he had been thinking clearly, he would have considered this possibility and come up with an appropriate course of action well in advance. Of course, there were plenty of things he wanted to know, but how should he start? How should he go about gathering the necessary information without blowing his cover?

“Well . . . uhh . . .”

“How long did you know Mayumi-san? She was married to your son, right?” Kaname came to the tongue-tied boy’s rescue. If they were going to conduct an interview, they might as well start at the beginning.

“All of her life” Hanako replied with a gentile smile. “Mayu-chan’s mother, Sakura, and I were very close. We had gone to school together, and their house was just around the corner. But then Sakura was killed in a car accident when Mayumi was six. It was a terrible time. Mayu’s father was heartbroken. He put all of his energy into running the family restaurant, so Mayumi started spending a great deal of time here. I didn’t mind. She reminded me so much of her mother. Also, she and my daughter were the same age, so they quickly became inseparable.”

“And she wound up marrying your son? Were they close childhood friends, too?” Kaname chimed in again as much out of her own curiosity as wanting to help Sousuke.

“Oh no!” Hanako laughed. “Mayumi and Rieko used to follow Souji everywhere. It drove him crazy. He’d throw mud at them, call them names, or try to lose them any other way he could think of. I think Mayu had her eye on him from the start, but isn’t that how it always is? The girls figure these things out much sooner. It’s the boys that take some convincing. But then she went to live with her aunt for her final year of junior high (her father’s decision). When she came back the week before she started high school, I thought Souji’s eyes were going to pop out of his head. She’d grown quite a bit in that year.” She winked at Kaname who smiled broadly in return. Sousuke looked puzzled, but said nothing.

“Mayumi took after her mother in many ways, but there was one thing she did get from her father. She had the most intense charcoal gray eyes. They were rather unique. Look.” She pulled out several photographs of a very attractive teenage girl. Indeed, she did have curiously intense gray eyes. The color was very familiar to Kaname, however. It seemed that Sousuke had inherited that particular trait, as well.

“Who’s this?” Kaname pointed to a young man standing next to Mayumi in one of the photos.

“Souji, of course!” Her eyes twinkled. “Wasn’t he handsome?” She studied the teenage boy sitting across from her for a minute. “Kazama-kun looks a bit like him, actually. I noticed it when I first saw you in front of the house. But you look much more . . . serious than Souji. He was always smiling. And his hair was . . . a bit different.”

“Really?” Sousuke cocked his head slightly to one side.

“And your eyes . . . they really . . .”

“What was Souji like?” Kaname blushed at the rudeness of her interruption, but she needed to get Mrs Sagara’s focus off of Sousuke.

“Hm? Oh, well, Souji . . .” She took a moment to recollect her thoughts. “He was a very energetic boy. Very bright, and very sincere. He had a wonderful sense of humor.”

“Really?” Kaname sounded more surprised than she had intended.

“Oh yes! He was always playing little jokes on people. Nothing malicious, mind you, but he loved to laugh. He had a wonderful laugh, too. It was infectious, really. Musical.” She flipped through one of the albums and pointed out a photo of the young man that, now that she mentioned it, did look remarkably like Sousuke. He was doubled over laughing while a young girl standing next to him looked shocked and somewhat confused. “I don’t know what he said to Rieko, but he definitely got a reaction.” She smiled affectionately.

“How was he in school?” Kaname asked while giving Sousuke a sideways glance.

“As I said, he was a very bright boy. He graduated near the top of his class and went on to Kyoto University. I was so proud. He liked to have fun, but he could be very focused, too. If something was important to him, he worked very hard for it. That’s why he went into politics. He wanted to help the poor, and he believed he could make a difference.”

“He was like that with Mayu, too. Once he set his sights on her, no one else would do. He proposed the day after she graduated from high school.”

“And she accepted?” Kaname was fascinated.

“Well . . . no. But she agreed to go out on a date with him. It took a good five months before she’d agree to marry him.”

“You mean he . . . he asked her to marry him and they weren’t even dating yet?!” Kaname couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“I said he was dedicated. He knew what he wanted, and, to be fair, young people really didn’t date in high school in those days.”

“Ah.” Kaname tried to imagine Sousuke professing his undying love for her on the day of their graduation. She tried . . . and failed. He and his father were clearly very different people.

“You mentioned what drove your son to choose his career, but what made Mayumi decide on photography?” Sousuke finally joined in with a real question.

“Well . . .” Hanako was thoughtful a moment. “It started when she was about thirteen, I believe. Her class took a field trip to a local art museum. At the time, they had a special exhibition of the work several renowned photographers. Mayu-chan couldn’t stop taking about it for months afterward. She begged her father until he finally bought her a camera. She’d go around taking pictures of everything. Most of these were taken by her.” She gestured to the stack of albums in front of them. “I’m sure her father has thousands more buried somewhere. When she graduated, she got an apprenticeship with a local photographer. He said she had a very good eye.”

“And then she got married?” Kaname asked.

“Not right away. We convinced Souji that it would be best to wait until he was out of school. That would also give Mayu time to get her career going. As you can imagine, it wasn’t easy for her to get work at first. No one wanted to hire a female photographer, but Mayumi could be rather stubborn. That trait served her well in her work. She built a reputation on getting shots that other photographers weren’t able to.”

“So through a combination of willpower and skill, she was able to achieve her goals?” Sousuke ventured.

“You could say that, yes. She didn’t slow down any after they were married, either. She insisted that being a photographer in no way conflicted with being a good wife. I handled most of the household affairs, anyway, so it wasn’t much of a problem. She did slow down a bit, though, when she got pregnant.” She pulled out another photo of Mayumi and Souji. Souji was holding a baby in his arms and smiling proudly. “They named him Sousuke. My first grandchild . . .” Hanako fell silent, a pained look in her eyes.

“Sousuke . . .” The teenage boy echoed his name softly as he studied the photo.

“What a delightful child.” She finally continued. “He was the happiest baby I ever saw. He was fascinated by everything and was always smiling, just like his papa.”

“Seriously?!” Kaname’s eyes were wide with disbelief. She stared at the boy next to her, as if looking for signs of this long-lost joviality. The Sousuke she knew hardly ever smiled, and she’d never once heard him laugh.

“Oh my yes! He’d sing and play all day long. I took care of him while his parents were working and he was such a joy. He hardly ever gave me any trouble. He was very talkative for a three year old, too.” She showed them several beautiful photos Mayumi had taken of her son. Kaname chuckled a bit to herself when she noted that the little boy’s hair seemed to stick out in every direction. In one photo, he was scowling and pulling a rubber ball away from another small child. Kaname knew that expression very well.

“Of course, he could be rather stubborn, too. But what can I say? He came by it naturally.” Another wave of melancholy swept over older woman’s features. “He’d be seventeen this year if he’d . . .” She let her words trail off.

“Why was he . . .” Sousuke’s face was clearly troubled. “How did he wind up on the . . .”

“Why did they take him on the plane?” Hanako guessed his question.

“I’m sorry, if that is too . . .”

“No, it’s alright.” She smiled weakly. “It does seem like a rather unusual place for a three year old. In fact, they hadn’t planned on bringing him. Souji was going for his work, of course. He said that it was a promising opportunity for improving the quality of life for millions of people. He couldn’t give me details, but he was very enthusiastic about it. When Mayumi heard that several of the other diplomats were bringing their wives, she insisted on going herself. She said it was an amazing chance to photograph Russian architecture and landscapes. Souji was against the idea, but once Mayu had made up her mind, there was no talking her out of it. Then, the night before they left, Sousuke started crying and begging them not to leave him. He wouldn’t stop until they promised that he could go to Russia, too.”

Sousuke clenched his fists tightly where his grandmother couldn’t see them. It was a lot to take in, and he was having a harder time than he had anticipated. A dull, aching feeling had settled into his chest. He was beginning to see how just how much he had lost in that plane crash, and it was a difficult truth to face.

“Naturally, Aiko was much too young to go, so she stayed here with me.”

Kaname and Sousuke froze. There was a long, uneasy silence.

“Aiko?” Kaname finally found her tongue.

“Yes, my granddaughter. She was only four months old at the time, so there was no way they could bring her.”

“You mean I . . .” Sousuke fought to wrap his mind around what he was hearing. “They had a daughter?”

“You didn’t know?” She sounded a bit surprised. “She lives with my son, Daiki, and his family now. Like I said, I see her every other Sunday. She lived here until she was ten, but when my husband passed, we decided it would be best if she were part of a normal family. I invited my son’s family to come live here, but he prefers to be in the city.” She went through a few boxes until she found a snapshot of a young girl who resembled Mayumi a bit.

“You know, obaasan, I think I could use some tea now, if it’s not too much trouble.” Kaname’s throat had gone dry suddenly.

“Of course.” Hanako smiled graciously, a bit confused by the teenagers’ reactions. “And you, Kazama-kun? Would you like some tea?”

“Huh? Oh, affirmative. Yes, thank you.” Sousuke answered a bit absently.

“Alight, I’ll just be a few minutes.” She made her way out of the room.

Sousuke and Kaname sat, staring at the photographs scattered in front of them. The life and people they represented were anything but distant at that moment. They weren’t dreams or stories or long forgotten memories. They were real. This was where they lived. This was where they laughed and cried and fought and fell in love. This was their home. It had once been Sousuke’s home, too.

“You have to tell her.” Kaname was the first to break the silence.

“I can’t do that,” he answered flatly.

“What do you mean you can’t?! These people loved you. They think you died. Don’t they deserve to know you didn’t? Don’t you want a chance to have a real family?”

“I . . .” He clenched his fists tighter, fighting for the words he needed to make her understand. “I’m not . . .”

“You’re not what?” she demanded.

“I’m not the same person anymore. I’m not the person they cared for. You heard what she said. Did that sound anything like how I am?!” He was actually beginning to raise his voice. “‘A happy child who smiled all the time.’ That child really is dead, isn’t he? He died in that plane crash. They don’t want to know about the life I’ve had since then. They don’t want know that I’m . . . that I’ve . . .” He let out a long breath. “It’s better if they remember me that way.”

“Sousuke . . .” Tears began to well up in Kaname’s eyes.

A teacup shattered.

Under normal circumstances, Sousuke would have easily perceived the woman’s soft footsteps as she approached the room where they were sitting. It is safe to say that, on this occasion, his skills were not up to their usual standards. Clearly, an abnormal amount of emotional stress can have detrimental effects on even the most capable of soldiers.

Sagara Hanako stood in the doorway of her livingroom. One of her hands gripped the door frame while the other was brought up to her mouth in an expression of shock and disbelief. At her feet were the remains of a cup of freshly brewed tea.

“Sousuke . . .” Her voice was barley audible. “Impossible.”