He was listening to “everybody’s free (to wear sunscreen) and came up with his own version..
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ‘97… backup!
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, making backups would be it.
The long term benefits of backups have been proven by System
administrators whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
then my own experience with computers.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your new computer, never mind, you will not understand the power and beauty of your new computer until you find out that it will made obsolete in under six months and your friends will laugh at it when they are buying a new one.
But trust me, in 2 years you’ll look back at the old machine now gathering dust in the closet and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous Windows 98 really was.
Your harddrive is NOT as big as you imagine.
Don’t worry about Windows Vista or worry, but know that worrying about your next OS upgrade is as effective as trying to re-install XP with a defunct key. The real troubles in your computing life are apt to be catastrophic hardware malfunctions that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday while being pwned at a Unreal Tournament deathmatch game.
Do write that Star Trek story even if your friends call you a geek.
Reboot.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s ‘puters, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Clear your browsers cache.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes your machine beats that of your friends, sometimes you’re the one with the least RAM and the slow ass CPU.
The race is long, and in the end, it’s only your budget…
Remember the evening that you finished DOOM II without cheats, forget the times you were plastered with Quake II, if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old backups, throw away that broken power supply.
Patch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what flavour of Linux you’d like to try.
The biggest geeks I know have at least a dual boot system.
Some of the l33test hackers I know even run 5 machines full time three years already trying to figure out what flavour of Linux is superior.
Get plenty of CD-Writables.
Be kind to your floppy drive, you’ll miss it when its gone.
Maybe you’ll run Windows 2000 maybe you don’t, maybe you’ll buy a MAC maybe you don’t, maybe you’ll finally manage to beat your friend at Quake, maybe you still get your ass kicked at Command & Conqueror after 100 times trying to get past that level.
Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much with that new 250 GB hard drive, or berate yourself for not waiting a few weeks and get a 300 GB drive for less the price.
Your choices in hardware are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy, your broadband use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Defrag
Even if you have to do it while downloading that movie.
Read the f#cking manual, even if you don’t follow it.
Do NOT read computer magazines, they will only make your machine seem obsolete.
Get to know that nerd across the street, you never know when you mess up your machine and there’s no one that can help you because every piece of software on your machine is illegal..
At the job be nice to your system administrator; they are your best link to get a 21? flat screen while your colleagues are stuck with those crappy 15?’s
Understand that sysops come and go, but for your own sake try and be friends with the new one. Work hard to make him like you so he doesn’t report your sorry ass when he finds out about that FTP site you’re running on that office machine you hid in the corner…
Try out life CD’s until you can’t bear the slowness, try out booting from a floppy drive before you lose your way’s with the DOS command line.
Clean.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will fall after you bought your kit, hardware shops will philander, your PC too will get obsolete, and when it does you’ll fantasize that when it was new, prices were reasonable, computer shop owners were competent and your friends were jealous of the size of your harddrive.
Respect obsolete machines.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a tech head friend, maybe your brother knows IT but Help desks are incompetent and you’re always on hold when you need them the most.
Don’t mess with the power supply, by the time you’ve figured out whats wrong with it the cursed contraption will have fried your PC.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with the old Unix guy who supplied it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, thinking back when there was only DOS and you didn’t even had to use a mouse to get things done. Its a way to remember that old machine and the Windows 95 hype where you were so foolishg to sleep in front of the computer shop and were arrested by that cop who didn’t know shit about the whole thing.
But trust me on the backups.
