FullMetal*Panic!

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a
University of Washington chemistry mid-term.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that
the Professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat)
Or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their
beliefs using Boyle's Law:
(Gas cools when it expands and heats when it is
compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in time. So we need to know the rate at
which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
at which they are leaving. I think that we can
safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not
leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many
souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions
that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will
go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and
since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to
increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume
in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of
Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives
two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the
rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and
pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature
and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa
during my freshman year that, "It will be a cold
day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account
the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two
must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic
and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory
is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is
not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving
only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which
explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"