The Abstratica Abstract
Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 11:21 pm
Schwarzenegger to enter interior design
Friday, December 28, 2007
Arnold Schwarzenegger has long been an icon in film and bodybuilding. Most recently, he has hit the political stage, becoming Governor of California after “terminating” his predecessor, Gray Davis. The question soon arose of what Mr. Schwarzenegger would do next. Some believed he would run for president, while others speculated that he would return to the film industry. Now, at long last, the question has been answered.
It all began last week. The Johnsons, a couple in their 80’s living in the outskirts of Los Angeles, were sitting down to dinner one night when all of a sudden a tree trunk came crashing through their dining room wall. “I thought we were going to die,” Mrs. Johnson told Abstratica Abstract reporters. Mr. Johnson said, “As soon as I regained my senses, I hurried for my rifle. I figured it was those goddamn possums up to no good again.”
As it turned out, the invading tree was not the fault of possums. It was in fact the work of Arnold Schwarzenegger. In an exclusive interview with The Abstratica Abstract, Governer Schwarzenegger explained the motivation behind his actions. “Ever since I starred in Commando, I’ve been interested in interior design. I’ve been so wrapped up in politics that I never had time to think about whether I was really living the life I wanted. When I was out driving that night and I saw that house, I realized that I needed to take action,” explained Schwarzenegger. “I saw that they had this big tree in the front yard. It was superimposed against the side of the house in a way that was simply not in accordance with Feng Shui. It was just plain ugly.” Schwarzenegger then decided he could kill two birds with one stone by ripping the tree out of the ground and using it to bash down the wall. “All of my experience in Hollywood really taught me efficient methods of destroying things,” he continued, “I’m not very good at the reconstruction aspect, but I’m learning.” For the moment, it seems, the Johnsons will have to do without any dining room wall.
Mr. Schwarzenegger, or “The Redecorator,” as he now wishes to be called, will be beginning his new interior design business as soon as his gubernatorial term ends. At that point, he will be on the look out for more homes that do not follow Feng Shui.
Our word to the wise would be, make sure your home is in keeping with Feng Shui. “The Redecorator” takes no prisoners. His new slogan will be: “Half-man, half-machine, all style!”
Friday, December 28, 2007
Arnold Schwarzenegger has long been an icon in film and bodybuilding. Most recently, he has hit the political stage, becoming Governor of California after “terminating” his predecessor, Gray Davis. The question soon arose of what Mr. Schwarzenegger would do next. Some believed he would run for president, while others speculated that he would return to the film industry. Now, at long last, the question has been answered.
It all began last week. The Johnsons, a couple in their 80’s living in the outskirts of Los Angeles, were sitting down to dinner one night when all of a sudden a tree trunk came crashing through their dining room wall. “I thought we were going to die,” Mrs. Johnson told Abstratica Abstract reporters. Mr. Johnson said, “As soon as I regained my senses, I hurried for my rifle. I figured it was those goddamn possums up to no good again.”
As it turned out, the invading tree was not the fault of possums. It was in fact the work of Arnold Schwarzenegger. In an exclusive interview with The Abstratica Abstract, Governer Schwarzenegger explained the motivation behind his actions. “Ever since I starred in Commando, I’ve been interested in interior design. I’ve been so wrapped up in politics that I never had time to think about whether I was really living the life I wanted. When I was out driving that night and I saw that house, I realized that I needed to take action,” explained Schwarzenegger. “I saw that they had this big tree in the front yard. It was superimposed against the side of the house in a way that was simply not in accordance with Feng Shui. It was just plain ugly.” Schwarzenegger then decided he could kill two birds with one stone by ripping the tree out of the ground and using it to bash down the wall. “All of my experience in Hollywood really taught me efficient methods of destroying things,” he continued, “I’m not very good at the reconstruction aspect, but I’m learning.” For the moment, it seems, the Johnsons will have to do without any dining room wall.
Mr. Schwarzenegger, or “The Redecorator,” as he now wishes to be called, will be beginning his new interior design business as soon as his gubernatorial term ends. At that point, he will be on the look out for more homes that do not follow Feng Shui.
Our word to the wise would be, make sure your home is in keeping with Feng Shui. “The Redecorator” takes no prisoners. His new slogan will be: “Half-man, half-machine, all style!”
