And then the fight started.....
Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 7:36 pm
>
>
>
> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive…so, I took her to a gas station.
> And then the fight started...
>
> ********
>
> My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,
> "Do you want to have sex?"
> "No," she answered.
> I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
> And then the fight started...
>
> ********
>
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
> The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
> I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
> I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
> So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
> She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
> And she processed my Social Security application.
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too'
> And then the fight started...
>
> ********
>
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
> I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
> I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
> My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
> And then the fight started...
>
> ********
>
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at
> A nearby table.
> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
> Hasn't been sober since.'
> 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
> And then the fight started...
>
> ********
>
> I rear-ended a car this morning.
> So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
> You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
> Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
> He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
> So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
> And then the fight started...
>
> ********
>
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
> 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
> He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
> 'Nah, she can order for herself.'
> And then the fight started...
>
> ********
>
> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
> Horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
> Compliment. 'The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's almost perfect..'
> And then the fight started . . .
>
>
> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive…so, I took her to a gas station.
> And then the fight started...
>
> ********
>
> My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,
> "Do you want to have sex?"
> "No," she answered.
> I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
> And then the fight started...
>
> ********
>
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
> The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
> I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
> I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
> So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
> She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
> And she processed my Social Security application.
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too'
> And then the fight started...
>
> ********
>
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
> I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
> I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
> My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
> And then the fight started...
>
> ********
>
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at
> A nearby table.
> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
> Hasn't been sober since.'
> 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
> And then the fight started...
>
> ********
>
> I rear-ended a car this morning.
> So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
> You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
> Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
> He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
> So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
> And then the fight started...
>
> ********
>
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
> 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
> He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
> 'Nah, she can order for herself.'
> And then the fight started...
>
> ********
>
> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
> Horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
> Compliment. 'The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's almost perfect..'
> And then the fight started . . .
