Sousuke watched with mixed emotions as the last of the Mithril helicopters took off, wheeling its way skyward, its blurring image getting lost in the sun. He was a fair distance away, with Arbalest secreted away in on of the few stands of trees present at the periphery of the launch site. If he were to be given a choice, his feelings would have stayed concealed as well.
He had physically assaulted two of his closest friends. He had disobeyed every order he had been given since the ARX-7’s feet and touched Korean soil. He had behaved inappropriately in his conversations with Capt. Testarossa and Lt. Cmdr, Kalinin, people who were historically on his side.
Plainly put, he had become things that he had hated in others. He had been given a full dose of certain thoughts and attitudes that he had been afraid of seeing even the slightest hint of in himself before.
He may not have come across as crazed or depraved as Gauron, the greatest of his bugaboos. But, how much difference was their bewteen that past evil and the recent beast that had controlled his words and deeds?
“To make omelets, one must first break eggs.”
The raw, primal core of Sousuke was still in control. Despite what his weaker part might claim, his actions weren’t badges of shame. No, they were proof that he was capable of taking his life in his own two hands. What others would call indulgence in violence, he would call being true to man’s innermost nature.
Yes. What most would see as a disregard of moral rules, he saw as a long overdue realization of his own needs and desires. Who were the ones who might criticize him for such actions? The people who felt their authority eroding, or the men and women who didn’t have the courage to do what he was doing.
It’s selfish.
“So what!”
It’s impulsive.
“That’s nothing new.”
What would Kaname think?
Sousuke sat in silence, his head pounding. His hands clenched, then relaxed. He felt a need to take deep long breaths.
“Who cares!!!”
He cared. There was no way to deny it. That simple truth was like a small wedge that keeps a door from closing all the way. But, as long as fed the monster that lurked within him, he’d remain in control.
Would he? Would he really.
The hourglass had been turned over.
“It’s NOT the medicine that makes me like this. It’s who I am. It’s who I SHOULD be. It will remain after the medicine washes away.”
He would prove that.
A weak and shackled man could never make the stand he was going to make. A meek and subservient fool would have hooked up to the first available helicopter.
What did he need with micro-spheres, injections, electrical simulation, and psychological conditioning. He had blood, sinews, strength, and spirit. He had lightning in one hand and thunder in the other. Ancient civilizations would bow down and name him god.
What would Kaname name him?
“ENOUGH!!! I do NOT know why that girl has this power over me. She speaks to the weaker part of me. It is nothing more than the cowardly part of me clinging to the past.”
Pride.
He had felt proud of the fact that he had kept Kaname alive under difficult circumstances.
There had been no cowardice then.
Pain.
He had hurt when she dismissed him as no more than a military fabrication.
Still, he stuck to his task. There was no weakness then.
Gratitude.
He had been grateful when she made an effort to understand him, despite all of the mistakes he had made.
There was no adherence to the past, then. He was changing.
Desire.
He had ignored it… denied it…avoided it… and discovered it.
He could have given up his duty and obligation to hold on to it. Instead, he went to face his destiny, in hopes that he could some day earn it.
Would a weak man do that? A coward? Or, would a weak man refuse to acknowledge all that, along with the Hope, Joy, Happiness, and Pleasure that came with the good times.
What am I true afraid of?
Love.
Acceptance.
Putting my feelings at risk.
“Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrong WRONG!!! You will NOT sway me. You shall NOT distract me. Not now. Never again.”
Sousuke shouted wordlessly, trying to have his pure animalistic rage overwhelm everything else. He brought Arbalest out from the trees. This was not about gaining surprise taking down as many enemies as possible. Not any more. It was defiance, pure and simple.
The ground began to tremble slightly below the ARX-7s feet. At first, Sousuke thought that he might have set up and unstable resonance or mistakenly activated the wrong subsystem. He hadn’t.
Was this a minor earthquake?
“Al, record the strength and duration of seismic activity. Locate an epicenter if possible. Sink a listening probe into the ground.”
“Yes, Lord Sagara.”
Lord Sagara? That sounded so ostentatious. He didn’t need titles to realize his own significance.
“Al, reverse prior order. From now on, refer to me as ‘Sergeant.’”
“Yes, Sergeant.”
Sousuke watched as the A.I. Gathered data and created a graphic representation. The information was soon made moot.
“Motion detected, Sergeant. Slaving view ports to area of activity. Full zoom.”
The ground was moving. Long low flat mounds of earth were shifting, sliding away, receding from view.
“Al, perform a full strength leap with rocket assist. Gain maximum altitude. Scan and record full images in the target area. Employ infra-red imagers as well.”
“Acknowledged, Sergeant.”
Arbalest leaped skyward. Small rocket packs built onto its outer armor ignited, extending the jump.
Sousuke cursed.
They had indeed been fooled.
Large metal covers were sliding aside, causing dirt, low vegetation, and shrubs to fall down a hole, like sand slipping down between a man’s fingers. For a moment, he remembered a number of nature documentaries he had watched, thinking about ant lions and trap door spiders.
What was beneath those doors???
Sousuke moved his legs, switching the ARX-7 into a run. He was vulnerable to surprise now. He needed to take the initiative. Also, with hostile forces on the way in, he could find himself caught between Scylla and Charybnis if he waited too long.
He had no way of knowing at that time, that Grendel had been gambling, waiting for just this kind of moment. Mithril had come, fought, and left, accepting the sacrificial lamb. Watching and waiting as they must, the U.S. military would not be able to respond in time. They must play their hand before the fools in the rightful government arrived on the scene.
Yes. The world would see what it wanted to see. Some force will have destroyed a major North Korean facility with or without acceptable provocation. The Americans were conveniently in striking range. If they were not a suitable whipping boy, then the mysterious force could at least be seen as their puppets. Missiles would launch, destroying targets in South Korea, Japan, and Alaska. The fools who made the coup attempt would take the big fall.
Grendel, on the other hand, would gain another feather in its cap, in the eyes of those who knew. They would also benefit tremendously from chaos throughout Asia and rapidly shifting alliances across the globe.
The conditions were not perfect. One remaining Arm Slave was detected. But, realistically, what could one man and one machine do?
----------------------------------------
“Sergeant, multiple images detected, conflicting with radar reports.”
“Specify, Al.”
“Mobile objects detected in the vicinity of each underground structure. They are moving in this general direction, but the number of images fluctuates on the visual sensors. Radar lock is tenuous at best and unreliable. Thermal images come and go.”
“On screen, Al.”
Sousuke had a good idea what the ARX-7 had detected after a fashion.
It was about time.
He had been waiting for this opportunity.
“Projecting recorded images on the left. Real time images will occupy center and left.”
Sousuke smiled.
It was Arm Slaves. They must be the ‘Phamtasms’ he had read about. Images blured, shifted, then jumped impossible distances. The number of Arm Slaves increased for one moment, then decreased a second later. Somehow, the Grendel engineers had been able to fool radar and thermal imaging as well, allowing contact one instant, before denying it a heartbeat later. No doubt, the machines could project false readings as well.
A great groundswell of hunger rose up within him. It was not food his lusted after. No, he tasted the sharp tang of blood in his mouth. He had bitten his tongue in his eagerness. He had a figurative taste for blood. He had a need to tear something down... something that was capable of tearing him apart.
A challenge. A joust. A bloodfest. A wild exchange of mindless blows. Any true contest would do. The results did not really matter. The moment was everything.
He chuckled, then laughed. The civilized part of him wanted nothing to do with battle. All it wanted was success, certainty, and closure. The manner and method were immaterial. It was the results that counted.
Either way, Sousuke would fight.
“Thank God for the rain.”
Even the best engineers and pilots in the world cannot hide the footprints that would show up in the soil.
“Al, maximum jump again. Plot the footprints as you were instructed earlier.”
“Acknowldged, Sergeant.”
Arbalest jumped and gathered the necessary data. The enemy was advancing, then moving back, before moving a bit off to the sides. Apparently, they didn’t want to get to far away from the big holes in the ground.
"What are you protecting?"
Sousuke had a sinking suspicion what would be in those holes. There was only one way to find out.
“Al, we will run towards the densest cluster of images as if we have fallen for the misdirection. Before closing with the nearest A.S., take a prolonged and powered jump over the closest hole. Let’s get an idea of what we are up against.”
It took all of the young soldier’s will power to give that instruction. The seething beast within him wanted to engage the Grendel Arm Slaves, showing them that their fancy parlor tricks would not work on the best pilot in the world.
“Belay that order….”
“Sergeant?” Arbalest cam to a dead stop.
“Locate the enemy machines. Bring the Lambda Driver up to full strength, but tightest field. We will….”
The image of a Norseman that Sousuke held in his mind wavered. It had cut down the image of a valiant and obedient soldier that he had mentally saluted. The bloody warrior in turn stepped aside, as a blue-haired girl holding a scarf and a card walked up.
She held the card up.
He read it again.
“Al, belay the last order. Implement the first. Powered leap when you are ready.”
“Yes, Sergeant.”
When the ARX-7 passed within a predetermined distance of each ‘Phnatasm,’ the enemy pilots engaged their own Lambda Driver systems. When Arbalest reached the appropriate site, it took a prodigious leap skyward.
“Shit.” Just what Sousuke had thought. Missile silos. He didn’t have time to wonder how the North Koreans had been able to build the giant cement-lined tubes. The ICBMs within each of them were massive, far larger than the Taepodong II missiles he had so brutally chastised earlier in the day.
That’s not what he wanted to see.
If he were to act responsibly, he might be destroyed before getting a chance to duel with his counterparts. But, if he indulged his baser instincts, the missiles might launch successfully, putting countless people in danger.
It looked like the civilized part of him was gaining the upper hand. The primitive side was not without its guile, however.
A bargain! Destroy a missile, then fight some Arm Slaves. Then destroy another missile, and fight Arm Slaves again. Something for you…… something for me…..
It was a seductive offer. It was only fair to compromise.
The image of Kaname flashed across his mind again. It couldn’t say long. It was running from a huge expanding mushroom cloud. The image turned to ashes and blew away, leaving Sosuske feeling incredibly empty.
The message was clear. So was his choice. His darkest self could howl all it wanted. he could not turn away from Kaname.
“Al, ready all Javelin missiles. Target the first ICBM. Fire at apogee.”
“Firing, Sergeant.”
The first flight of missiles streaked earthward. One of the ‘Phantasm’ pilots proved to be rather resourceful, but just a step too late. He had expanded his force shield outward, hoping to cover the silo entrance with the glowing blue pancake. The distance was too great.
A series of small explosions were soon followed by larger ones.
“Look for any openings in shield coverage. I suspect they will not make that mistake again. They know what they are up against now. Alert me when we have an optimal shot. Arm the Anti-A.S. grenades. You have full autonomy on the latter. At any sign of opportunity, drop a live grenade in any accessible silo.”
Sure enough, the phantasms moved to protect the remaining silo entrances. That would cut down on their deceptive abilities, but would provide Sousuke with a difficult task. If the pilots were skilled enough to direct their energy fields in the proper way, the ICBMs could launch out through them, but nothing could pass in from the other side.
The huge missiles would be vulnerable in the initial launch stage, but he may not be given a clear shot if he had to fight off three formidable opponents.
“If I had listened to those idiots, I wouldn’t even be here now!” The primal part of Sousuke crowed.
Damn. If YOU weren’t such an idiot, you would have reported in by now!!!
As Sousuke ran towards the silo with the single ‘Phantasm,’ he thought about Russian Roulette. He had removed one bullet from the chamber. Where had that missile been targeted? Where were the other two destined for, should he fail?
Had he already saved Tokyo? Could he fight and die in peace, no matter what the outcome? There was no way to know. Consequently, he must keep reign on his animalistic urges.
“Da Danaan control, this is Urzu-7. Do you read me. Utmost Urgency. Over. I repaeat. This is Urzu-7. Do…”
“We read you, Sergeant.” It was Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin.
“Three ‘Phantasm’ class Arm Slaves are guarding a similar number of large silos. Huge ICBMs are preparing for launch. Gases are filling up the silos. One missile down. Lambda Driver shields protect the other two. Will engage immediately. Over.”
Part of him refused to say the next words. He saw a smiling image of Kaname, moments before continuing. She began frowning, folding her arms over her chest. Then, growing impatient, she shook a fist at him.
“Uh.... I could use some help.”
“Understood, Sergeant.” Kalinin was still on line when he spoke to a fire control officer. “Launch all missiles, ripple sequence. Target Arbalest’s current GPS coordinates. Relay the data to the Americans immediately.” There was a brief cough.
“As you no doubt heard, that area will soon get very hot. The missiles will not be the only arriving threat. The first wave of North Korean aircraft should be on site at any minute.”
“Understood.”
That should have been bad news. In most circumstances it would be. The North Koreans may yturn out to be unintended allies. That would be wonderful. But, they might also help Sousuke focus on the task atb hand. The more things that called for attention, the more his civilized self could take control.
Damn those doctors! Their procedures had worked too well. When were the effects going to wear off?
'Don't be so eager to see me gone....' the dark side of his mind said with a chuckle. 'You may just find you need me....'
After holding a brief conversation with captain Testarossa, Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin spoke to hisyounger subordinate again. “You may be our only hope, Sergeant. The Americans are launching missiles and planes. It may all be a moot point. Godspeed. Da Dannan out.”
So. It all rested on his shoulders. Just what he had wanted. He remembered the saying ‘Be careful what you wish for---you might get it!’
Well who would he rather have with this responsibility? No one. Neither side of him would trust anyone else with this duty. The only point they differed on was motivation.
Motivation.
Did it have to be separate and conflicting?
The civilized part of him had feared the savage side, and had tried hard to keep it at bay---it had spent its time hiding, defeated. Now, it began to consider a different approach. Maybe it was time to embrace the beast within him.
Yes.
The enemy wouldn’t know what hit him.
Kaname had often joked about what might happen if someone cloned a certain misguided military misfit. There could never be two Sousukes in body. But, he was about to make use of the closest possible thing.
It was time to put the music on. But he wasn’t going to give into the rage and fury. He would reign it in and make it work for them both. No. For him. There was only one Sousuke Sagara after all. It was time he accepted that!
“Al, display music track listing.”
Ah. That title might indeed fit. Diamond Head. ‘Am I Evil?’ Let’s find out.
‘Am I evil? yes, I am
‘Am I evil? I am man, yes, I am’
----------
‘As I watched my mother die, I lost my head
‘Revenge now I sought, to break with my bread
‘Taking no chances, you come with me
‘I’ll split you to the bone, help set you free…’
Sousuke narrowed his eyes as he ran the ARX-7 forward. The memory of his mother’s death was still vivid in his mind. There were no Russians present to pay once more for that terrible crime. Grendel pilots would do.
Fortunately, the silos were not too far apart. No doubt the proximity of one helped buttress the other. Today, it would allow the A.S. pilots to se whose machine was quicker.
Charging towards the lone ‘Phantasm’ at one silo, Sousuke saw that the enemy had correctly interpreted his apparent move. Strike down the solo defender instead of taking on a tow-on-one. They just didn’t think far enough ahead.
“OK. What’s Kurz’ saying. Yes. Who’s my bitch???”
The switch in positions simply changed Sousuke’s target. He hoped he could get there in time to get a few blows in before he was double teamed.
“Al, full speed rush, leaping for disyance not height at the end.” The ARX-7 changed course towards the ‘Phantasm’ that was now left standing alone.
----------
‘Twenty-seven, everyone was nice
‘Gotta see ’em, make ’em pay the price
‘See their bodies out on the ice
‘Take my time’
----------
‘Am I evil? yes, I am
‘Am I evil? I am man, yes, I am, ooh’
In mid air, Sousuke decided which new method to employ. Why not take a cue from that Viking warrior.
“Al, form the field into a force axe, double-bitted, short shaft.”
His mind helping to shape the weapon, Sousuke eyed the glowing nimbus surrounding his first foe. Was there a weakness. And, was the image a ghost or an actual form.
“Al, separate out part of the field for sensory purposes. Form long thin streamers, now. When they contact something solid or another energy filed, mark that site as target!”
He would take a lesson from another nature show he had watched. Bottom feeding creatures, living in the darkness, often had barbells, whiskers, or modified body parts adept at locating prey.
“Contact, bearing dead left thirty degrees.”
Shifting to align along the given vector, Sousuke brought the sparkling blue force axe down. The impact was tremendous, with both Arm Slaves blown away from each other.
Sousuke had the better of it, maintaining Arbalest’s balance by shifting it center of balance while it slid. Briefly, his opponent flickered into its true appearance. It was rolling ass over teacup.
“Al, grenade, NOW!!!”
Arbalest released one of the Anti-A.S. grenades, but it exploded before entering the silo.
“Shit!!!” One of the other pilots was damn good. He had shot the grenade before it could destroy the ICBM.
“Use their trick, Al. Shield the silo from our side. Drop the remaining grenade, now.”
The grenade fell unimpeded, as missile and cannon fire bounced harmlessly off of the Lambda Driver’s projected barrier.
“Head for the other silo, zig zag route. Move it!!!”
----------
‘On with the action now, I’ll strip your pride
‘I’ll spread your blood around, I’ll see you ride
‘Your face is scarred with steel, wounds deep and neat
‘Like a double dozen before ya, smells so sweet....'
Sousuke knew how deeply his soul had been scarred with things stronger than steel. The wounds were deep, but ragged instead of neat. Things he had suffered through in his life could have broken many men. Instead, they gave him the strenght to continue... and the ability to face adversity.
Good?
Evil?
It didn't rally matter, as long as he was able to get the job done.
----------
‘Am I evil? yes, I am
‘Am I evil? I am man
A tremendous explosion shook the ground. Fragments of flaming metal rocketed skyward, followed by a columnar rush of flame.
Two down. One to go. That one was going to be difficult. The enemy Arm Slaves were forming a triangle around him.
Sousuke smiled. He remembered a Marine saying. "So they've got us surrounded, good! Now we can fire in any direction, those bastards won't get away this time!"
It wouldn’t be that easy. But, they didn’t have all of the advantages.
----------
‘I’ll make my residence, I’ll watch your fire
‘You can come with me, sweet desire
‘My face is long forgot, my face not my own
‘Sweet and timely whore, take me home
----------
‘Am I evil? yes, I am
‘Am I evil? I am man
“Sergeant. Long range radar has detected a number of approaching flights or aircraft. Most are likely interceptors or air superiority types. Altitude suggests that some are ground attack craft.”
“Good.” If the pilots were too afraid to fire at silos on their own soil, they might be careful firing on any vehicles standing near the silos. If on the other hand they were intent on destroying unauthorized structures in order to regain face in world politics, it would be that much harder for Grendel to defend the last remaining ICBM.
Using his mind to direct the shape and direction of his force shield, Sousuke parried both a low pushing barrier attack from one ‘Phantasm,’ and a straight on percussive gun like blast from another. He couldn’t tell for sure where the third machine was.
“Let’s find out.”
Straining to the far reach of his thoughts, he pushed the force barrier outward and upward. Usually, he could move it strongly or quickly---this time he tried for both, successfully.
One ‘Phantasm’ had been repelled in mid air. It held a force lance. So, at least one of his foes was somewhat skilled.
“Image solidifying, Sergeant.” It was indeed. The vision of one Grendel craft flickered on and off. The Lambda Driver filed around it blinked on and off too.
“So, having trouble with it, are you. I’ve been there too. But, not right now.
Sousuke swung his field around like a slashing hockey stick. Again and again he battered against the other Arm Slaves in seemingly reckless fashion. He was not trying to cause damage. He was trying to rattle his opponents’ nerves or strain their machines.
----------
The solo guitar reached out and stoked the fire burning inside of Sousuke. Good and evil didn’t matter now. Fighting and winning mattered. Winners get to write the history books.
‘My soul is longing for, await my heir
‘Sent to avenge my mother, sweep myself
‘My face is long forgot, my face not my own
‘Sweet and timely whore, take me home
“Uh…I apologize Kaname… you are not a whore. Errr… it is not you they are singing about. Ummm…I was not thinking about someone else….”
Threat detectors started calling for attention.
“Missiles incoming, Sergeant. Bombs released, falling by gravity. All craft targeted.
“It’s not a problem.” Not for Arbalest. The Lambda Driver barrier was strong and consistent. The falling weapons exploded harmlessly.
One of the ‘Phantasms’ was not so fortunate. Large anti-armor missiles stuck one leg while the defensive screen was down. Parts of the A.S. were blown about the area, but the machine was not entirely out of action.
Sousuke parried a vicious attack from one foe. Twin scythes of energy tried to buffet him from both sides but failed, repulsed by his own shield.
“My turn!”
The major thrust of his attack was a slanting chop from above. Simultaneously, he formed a pliable whip-like band of force which he swept fast along the ground.
The enemy pilot had directed his defenses upward, easily stopping the primary attack. But, that had only been a feint. The whip knocked the Phantasm’s feet out from under it.
“Sergeant. ICBM launch imminent. Initial rocket boosters firing. Third Arm Slave shielding entrance to silo.”
Maybe the aircraft could destroy the missile while it was still a slow moving target.
“SAM launch detected. Multiple sites.”
Damn. So much for that idea. The silos were not the only hidden assets.
“Urzu-7, this is Da Danaan control.” It was Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin again.
Shit! Perfect timing!
“Sousuke, ETA on our cruise missiles is two minutes. Repeat, two minutes. American missiles will arrive soon after.”
“Great! It’s going to be too late.” Too late to stop the missile. Too late for him to leave the area.
----------
‘Am I evil? yes, I am
‘Am I evil? I am man
‘Am I evil? yes, I f-cking am
‘Am I evil? I am man, yeah.’
Oh sure, so damn evil. I haven’t even taken down a single enemy yet! I doubt they are going to prove any damn easier now.
Ah!
But they don’t have to.
That might just work….
The nose of the missile was moving up past the lip of the silo, as the huge metal projectile headed skyward. The one ‘Phantasm’ could only shield so much of the missile before it passed out of its protective zone. All he had to do is wait a few moments, without being rendered ineffective.
Wait.
Wait.
One of the other Arm Slaves was charging straight for him
Wait a little more.
Now!
“Fire all missiles!!!”
The remaining Javelins flew straight and true in their aim.
They never reached their target. The onrushing A.S. pilot had extended his field into a long and narrow filed, angling it up over Arbalest, knocking the missiles from the sky.
“No!” Sousuke had to do something. “KA-NAAA-MAAAAAY….”
The name came bursting out from deep within him. Sure, he didn't want to fail the people of Tokyo. His classmates were there...the ones he had grown to like or admire, as well as those he had fought with or learned to avoid. So many other people needed him too... janitors... teachers... the man at the bookshop... his fellow operatives in the safe house... bus drivers, policemen, street sweepers, choldren at the bus stop... everyone.
But, there was one person in particular he was sworn to protect. Whether it was his assignment or not.
There was one person he wanted more than anything to return to.
There had to be something he could do. The more unexpected, the better.
Wait.
Yes. It would use principles that he and the A.I. had already explored in a different manner.
But....
It was too cliché to work.
It was too foolish to take a chance on.
He couldn’t think of anything else.
“Move!!!” With one part of his mind, he forced the nearest Arm Slave back in its tracks. The recent duality in thoughts proved useful. With another part of his mind, Sousuke formed a huge long force lance, keeping some degree of flexibility in the shaft.
The other Arm Slaves raised their shields directly in front of him, thinking her was going to skewer them then fire on the missile. He couldn’t he was out of ammunition.
Instead, Sousuke made his first attempt at pole-vaulting. Using the energy of the filed to throw him self upward, her took out his Anti-Armor dagger. This would be an all or nothing attempt.
------------------------------
Images passed by in slow motion. It felt as if Sousuke were swimming in molasses.
He saw Kaname. He saw countless other people in Japan who he knew. He remembered good times. He remembered bad times.
Letting go of the force lance, the ARX-7 flung itself at the base of the rising ICBM
The enemy Arm Slaves could not fire on it, in fear of damaging the missile.
Sousuke rammed the dagger into the side of the missile. It wouldn’t do much damage, but it gave him a tenuous perch. The fate of millions of people would depend on just how sure his grip was.
“Al, activate the Monomolecular cutter. Grasp it, then start cutting into the base of the missile.”
“Acknowledge, Sergeant.”
Sousuke was understandably distracted by the task at hand. His opponents had not given up on him. One pilot in particular had evolved well beyond linear thinking.
A long wire shot up and wrapped itself around Arbalest’s ankle. It was attached to the hand of one of the ‘Phantasms.’ The pilot intended to dig in with his Lambda driver filed and pull Sousuke off of the ascending ICBM. Instead, the field carried up with it a few cubic yards of muddy soil.
The enemy A.S. hung by a wire. Sousuke felt the knife begin to move out ever so slightly. They were both gaining altitude quickly. The fall would kill each of them. For a moment, Sousuke had great admiration for the dedication of his foe.
“Al, can you reach the wire?”
“Negative, Sergeant.”
What could he do? The Arbalest could not detach its limbs.
The animalistic part of Sousuke came up with an answer. What does a fox or wolf do when it gets its foots stuck in a bear trap? It chews it off so that it can go free.
“Al, use the cutter to remove your right leg.”
“Yes, Sergeant.”
The ARX-7 moved to carry out the last order. Sparks flew off of the metal in its leg.
Shots fired off of the Lambda Driver shield. The enemy pilot was attempting to knock Sousuke loose, aiming at an angle away from the body of the missile.
Sousuke was breathing faster and faster. The pressure was weighing down on him. The knife had slipped out more. Should he have used his free hand to punch a hole in the missile instead. Might that have knocked him off? Or, was his actual choice a mistake?
The Lambda Driver barrier around the Grendel craft held. If it hadn’t, the ‘Phantasm’ would have been melted and fused by the fire issuing forth from the bottom of the ICBM. The filed around Arbalest, on the other hand, began to flicker.
“No. Not now!!!”
The Lambda Driver shut down.
The right leg of the ARX-7 fell away, taking with it the enemy and his machine.
The Grendel pilot fired, hitting Arbalest. Its fingers opened, barely handing onto the knife.
The acceleration and growing vibrations would knock things free any moment now. Sousuke was certain of that.
What should he do? He knew. Make a small blade with the Lambda Driver field.
“Too late. Kaname was right. You really are a moron.”
He heard her voice.
He was in Arbalest for the first time. He was confused. He didn’t know what to do. She guided him. She calmed him down and focused his thoughts. She had helped him save them that day.
Feeling strangely at peace, Sousuke reached out with his mind, emotions, and intentions. The Lambda Driver sputtered back to life. Ever so carefully, he pulled open the side of the missile housing. He should have done this much earlier. Part of him had been concerned about his own life.
A great blast of energy shot forth from the hand of Arbalest. The glowing light engulfed the great lift engines of the ICBM and twisted them into useless junk. The resultant explosion threw the Arm Slave away from the falling missile.
Sousuke looked down. They were dropping quickly, somewhere over the ocean. Would the Lambda Driver soften his impact?
The question was moot. The Lambda Driver was down. There was no way he would be able to compose himself again.
“Al, monitor distance to impact. Utilize rocket boosters to slow the descent just before impact. Full thrust for as long as possible.”
“Affirmative.”
The rockets fired, then went dead. The fuel had been exhausted earlier.
A tremendous plume of water shot upward from the sea, as the ARX-7 plunged down into the briny depths.
******************
******************
******************
Sousuke had been wrong.
Some great need for self-preservation had blossomed within him. Force lines from the recalcitrant Lambda Driver filed had shot outward like immense spines on a sea urchin, softening the water and easing his impact.
As the ARX-7 sank deeper and deeper into the darkness, the bubbles seen outside of his view screen decreased in number. Similarly, many of his new found emotions seemed to dissipate and move out of his reach.
“Am I back to normal? Was I ever normal to start with?”
He had no way to answer that. The second question had plagued him ever since he had first asked it. That had been Kaname Chidori’s doing. He did not know if he would ever want to explore down that avenue again.
Why?
Because of first question.
He didn’t know what personal decisions would be wise or safe.
How could he ever be sure that the dark part deep within him wouldn’t rise up and take control again? He shuddered. He stared down at his hands. Those hands had moved the controls that rammed a knife into Kurz’ M9. Those hands had sent forth a blast of energy that threw Melissa across the ground.
What might those hands do to Kaname?
“I don’t know. How can I ever put her at risk? I….”
He was about to say ‘I care for her.’ He was tempted say ‘I could love her.’ But what did someone like him know about caring or love? Did he have a right to think such thoughts about a normal girl?
Sousuke put his hand on a little used control panel. There were a number of switches that related to the automatic homing beacon. It was working as it should now, without any input from him. One switch would turn it off. Another would cause its battery to jettison, ending its use for good.
Would either of those switches serve Kaname well?
How would she be better off? She might seem to want him near her now, but how much of that was due to the earth shattering experiences they had lived through together? How much was gratitude… curiosity… proximity?
He had brought strife and confusion into her life as he was before. As often as he had protected her from external forces beyond his control, he had also put her at risk by means of his own impulsiveness and lack of social awareness.
The kiss had been wonderful. It had been world-altering for him. What did it mean about Kaname? Could he hope to start back up where he had left off? There were so many doubts inside of him!!!
“The medicines are wearing off.”
It was true. Had the tyrannical biochemicals simply been the heartless puppet master, entirely responsible for manipulating his feelings and primal urges? Or, were they merely the key to Pandora’s box. Once out, could the evils and woes be puck back inside?
He was afraid.
He had to admit that.
Nothing in his life had frightened him as much as this.
Sousuke was no stranger to uncertainty and adversity. But, he had no desire to subject Kaname to endless confusion and misfortune. Mardukas had viewed him as a bomb just waiting to go off… something capable of lulling people into a sense of security before detonating in devastating fashion.
“But… maybe everyone is uncertain… maybe everyone has the same kind of questions and similar fears….”
Yes.
But, how many people in the school… on the TDD-1…. anywhere…. had gone through the procedure he did? Not even the doctors had been able to give him any assurances before they hooked him up to their machines. What could they possibly say now, witness to the transformation he had undergone?
It was not just Kaname who could be in danger.
How could the men and women in the SRT ever look at him the same way again? How could the tight knit community on Da Danaan and at the land bases trust him implicitly?
It was not a simple question. The point was made all that more difficult to ponder by the simple fact that he had been a cipher to many people before. How many people had failed to trust him before because of the air of uncertainty surrounding him?
Who could blame any of them for being cautious or concerned?
Things still went much deeper than that. Countless men, women, and children would end up depending on him, even though they would never make his acquaintance. If his superiors at Mithril gave him another chance… put him back in a position of great responsibility…. and he failed… what catastrophe might they all face?
“But I got the job done. Again.”
There was no denying it. He had saved the day. No one else had been in position to do what he had done.
This time.
By dumb luck.
Disobedience, blind rage, or some other byproduct of his empowered base instincts could sabotage some future operation. What if the next missile wouldn’t normally slip through Mithril’s fingers, but did so because he screwed up?
Would it be best for everyone if he just sank from view forever?
Should he even bother debating the issue?
Mithril could always build another ARX-7. There were soldiers by the dozen eager to join the organization at any given moment. Kurz and Melissa could break in a new teammate. The fight for justice would go on.
Sousuke did not want to take the next mental leap. He stared over the edge, looking down into a bottomless chasm of repressed feelings and emotions.
Kaname.
He needed to focus on Kaname.
She was a wonderful girl. He had realized just how special she was just before he left for this mission. Someone like her should easily be able to find someone else. Maybe she would be better off with someone who fit in better… someone more predictable… someone safe.
“I don’t think I could want someone else.”
The thought of living without Kaname was uncomfortable. He hated the idea of Kaname dating someone else… kissing someone else… doing other things with someone else.
He saw red. He sighed. His body went limp, succumbing to mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion.
Maybe that moment of jealousy should be a warning to him. Kaname had a right to choose any man she wanted. It might very well be someone else other than him…… if not today, maybe tomorrow. How would he react? Would he break down? Would he wall off his feelings entirely? Might he strike out at her, or people who did nothing to deserve his wrath?
His finger tip brushed across the tips of the switches ever so softly. It would be so easy. He could make the questions meaningless. But, it wasn’t right. That would be a cowards choice.
“And, I do not want it!”
His shout shook him out of his deepening torpor.
That truth the most frustrating thing of all. He had had figuratively swum in emotions that he had rarely allowed himself to touch or take notice of. He had learned a great deal about himself…… good as well as bad. When all was said and done, he knew there was something within him that wanted to get out… to see… to feel… to do… to… to… to….
To love.
That alone was worth fighting tooth and nail for.
If he didn’t bring harm to those he cared for and those he was obliged to help..
“There are other possibilities.”
Yes.
There organizations other than Mithril that would have a use for him. The JSDF, for example. There were other jobs within Mithril that might suit him. Perhaps he could be an instructor, or train to be a mechanic.
He had led a lonely life, even though he had not been alone. Why couldn’t he simply slip back into that mode of existence? He had walked the halls of Xanadu, if only for a moment. He had tasted the honeydew. He had supped ever so briefly on the milk of paradise.
Reaching his foot out, he hooked the scarf. Kicking, he sent it up where he could grab hold of it. He brought it to his nose and breathed deep. It smelled of Kaname’s apartment. He closed his eyes. He could remember the feel of her lips pressing against his.
He sat a while like that, pulling the soft warm fabric close to him. Reluctantly, he forced himself to address the problem at hand. Sitting here dreaming and thinking would make his decision unnecessary. He had only so much time. There were things he should do.
“Al, are you still capable of responding?”
“Yes, Sergeant.”
“Run a check of all major and minor systems. Check data buses and core integrity before putting too much stress on any one subroutine.”
“”Acknowledged, Sergeant. Working.”
Sousuke looked over at the bottom corner of the HUD. The music list was still projecting, the last song title flashing. He had paused the song when he took actual notice of the lyrics. He shook his head. Fate must be laughing at him. Perhaps Destiny had wanted to get back at him.
The group name alone was a stab at him. ‘Kiss.’
Holding frantically onto a climbing ICBM, the song was too much.
Feeling somewhat contrary, he set the control to ‘play’ again.
‘Baby wants it fast, baby wants a blast
‘She wants a rocket ride, she wants a rocket ride
‘Baby wants it fast, baby wants a blast
‘She wants a rocket ride, she wants a rocket ride
----------
‘Lady space, you better wake up fast
‘Countdown is comin' on
‘Take a rocket ride
‘The gravity that used to hold you down
‘Just don't exist no more
‘Take a rocket ride
----------
‘Baby wants it fast, baby wants a blast
‘She wants a rocket ride, she wants a rocket ride
‘Baby wants it fast, baby wants a blast
‘She wants a rocket ride, she wants a rocket ride
‘Come on, grab a hold of my rocket….’
Well, there would be no rocket grabbing today, that was for sure! He wasn’t certain if there would ever be such a thing. His newly acknowledge emotions had certainly included lust, but he was no less clueless than he had been before. He blushed, thinking about the meaning of that song.
“It is not a problem.”
That afternoon’s rocket ride had been more than enough to last him for some time.
He sighed. Part of him had certainly returned to normal. The music no longer held the same thrill for him that it had earlier. Was that because he was repressing his deeper urges entirely? Weren’t some primitive drives necessary for enjoyment and emotional fulfillment?
There would be many things to talk about with the base psychologist, if he hadn’t already been cashiered out of Mithril.
“Results recorded and displayed. All major systems operational, Sergeant. Minor dysfunction in secondary servos has been bypassed. Core integrity estimated at eighty five percent. Simple tasks pose no danger of systems crash.”
“Thank you, Al. Are GPS systems functional? Can you contact the satellite system at this depth?”
“Checking…checking… checking… affirmative. Location plotted. Calculating distance to nearest land mass.” The ARX-7s location was plotted on screen.
“Very good. Do you have sounding capability or pressure measurement capacity that would allow estimate of depth and current?”
“Accessing subsystems. Affirmative. Working.”
Sousuke sat back in his harness, thinking again about the world he had caught a glimpse of.
“It seems like I was so close to paradise. It is not fair. To see it… to touch it… to taste it… only to have it taken away.”
It was more than that.
He had willingly put him self in harm’s way. He had been ready to die for the one he loved. He had been willing to fight for those who believed in him. Death would have been simple.
Living with any possible changes could be Hell.
The thought of paradise and Hell brought to mind a text he had read in English class. Milton’s ‘Paradise Lost.’ The language had been archaic in spots---he had trouble enough with English at times, as it was. But, he was good with language. He would be fluent, given time.
He thought about Satan’s fall from grace. It hadn’t shaken any chords within him at the time. He was just another fictional character in a work penned by a man long in his grave.
Beezlebub had suggested to Satan that they should get revenge upon God by seducing man to their side. Having seen his own corrupted side, Sousuke appreciated the sacrifice made by the Son---he had offered to die, to bring man back into the grace and light of God.
In that story, it was possible for man to regain some of what he had lost. Could he do the same?
Satan had regretted his fall at first. Then, his feelings turned to hatred. Would Sousuke end up feeling the same way, if things did not go well? Would he end up worse off than he was before he came to Tokyo?
Sousuke rubbed at his chin. It was prickly. He hadn’t had time to shave for the past two mornings.
What had caused Satan’s fall?
The first sin of Satan had been pride. Sousuke had never been one to be overly proud of himself or his accomplishments. He merely did what he needed to do, or what others required of him. Or, that’s how it had seemed to him. Did the shame he felt now indicate that his pride was more of a problem than he had ever realized? Was his lack of conscious pride a sign that he was too different to fit in?
How much pride was too much? How could he tell the difference between humility, apathy, and significant dysfunction? One thing was for certain. He had experience overwhelming hubris, and did not want to see that part of himself again.
“Kaname.”
Sousuke sighed, shaking his head. What should he do about Kaname? What would he be allowed to do?
Eve had disobeyed God. Adam was clearly upset, but ate of the apple because he couldn’t imagine living without her. After that, and after they had sated a tremendous feeling of lust, they both knew the difference between good and evil. Because they did so, it was possible to choose the latter. They spent time blaming each other for their own fall.
Could Sousuke flip the genders around? If he went back to Kaname, could HE end up corrupting HER? What if he found himself to have fallen---if she refused to leave him, would she tumble downward too?
Adam and Eve had turned to God and asked forgiveness. He heard them and would not allow mankind to be lost completely to Sin, Death, and Satan. They were forced to leave paradise, and they had no choice but to face the consequences of their actions---corruption and violence would remain part of man henceforth.
That thought was strangely comforting to Sousuke. If corruption and violence was inherent to every man… but most men did not appear corrupt and violent by society’s standards… it may be possible for him to deal with any new changes within himself.
Hope tickled him. It was an uncomfortable feeling, because it carried to sting of uncertainty. He initially wanted to brush it away, as if it were a fly walking across his neck. He didn’t. Being mature meant understanding one’s nature. He had learned that much from his trials and tribulations.
He yawned. It might be because he was tired. There could be a different reason as well. “Al, display the amount of oxygen remaining. Calculate the time remaining at current expenditure. Shut down all functions requiring the use of oxygen.”
Was he getting anywhere with this self-examination? Perhaps. Perhaps not. In any case, he felt compelled to continue.
A story that Raphael recited to Adam had showed another truth---there will always be members of his seed that will act honorably and bring the grace of God back to mankind.
Who was to say that Sousuke could not continue being one who worked for the betterment of his fellow men?
Furthermore, in the story, Adam realized that the Fall was necessary, showing that an evil thing could be turned into a good thing, as demonstrated by the resurrection of the Son. Could Sousuke rise renewed from his ordeal, like a phoenix from the ashes?
The journey that Adam and Eve had to take was no different than the journey that every man and woman must take in life.
Did Sousuke want to make that journey?
What should he do?
[FIC] Christmas Cake (pt. 14)
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