[FIC] First Impressions (part 4)

[dd]

The glass felt very cool.

Kaname stood alone, her forehead pressed up against the glass facing out on the tarmac.

Her father and sister stood a good distance away, giving her space. Passersby all looked at the forlorn looking girl, wondering what could have someone looking so sad.

The airplane was in the process of being loaded with luggage. A few tardy food delivery trucks pulled up alongside the jet, looking to transfer the meals for the First Class passengers. Kaname paid no attention to the drama unfolding below, where various ground personnel and vendors shouted at one another.

“Sousuke….” She had lost count of how many times that she had whispered his name. Could he be somewhere at the airport, keeping an eye on her one last time? Probably. Her father had forbidden him to make an appearance; but, she knew the young soldier too well to think that he would heed those words.

Ayame walked over tentatively. She had long wished that her sister could rejoin them. Now, that wish felt selfish and ill-made. But, maybe after Kaname started feeling good again….

“Kaname? Would you like to use the Ladies Room before we board?” She sighed when Kaname didn’t even acknowledge her presence. Walking away, she found it hard to meet her father’s gaze.

Shunya ran a hand through his hair, certain that he was doing what was best. He knew how hard Kaname had been hit by her mother’s death. He also realized how difficult it had been for his daughter to make a life in Tokyo on her own. Now, he was essentially negating that. New pain. Old scars reopened. Not what a father wanted for his daughter.

He had agonized over the decision for months. But, even before that, he had often regretted the arrangement he had agreed to in the past. Now, standing there, he wondered if Kaname would have been fingered as one of the Whispered, had she remained in the United States with him and her sister.

Whispered. The name almost sounded trite, silly. But, it spoke of potential problems. It would be safer and simpler to simply leave things the way they were now. But, if something took her away from him, he would regret the missed opportunities for the rest of his days.

One of his first actions upon returning to his hotel room had been to contact the security experts at the UN. Not the official ones, but rather the men who knew how to get things done quietly and with the utmost efficacy.

Someone would be waiting for them when they disembarked in New York City.

“Your sister will be alright, Ayame.” Shunya wasn’t certain who he was trying to convince.

Ayame nodded. Given permission, she ran off on her own to the nearby rest room facilities.

Kaname could help but replay events from her last day at Jindai High School. She had tried to keep things low key, but word had spread faster than she had expected. There were many sad faces to see; many hugs to give; and many words to say.

Kyouko had broken down into tears at one point. That of course set Kaname off. Ryo and Maya looked as if they had come close to crying themselves. Nearly everyone else was in a state of disbelief.

Atsunobu and Ren had spoken quietly with Kaname for a while, helping her feel better. A number of teachers offered words of encouragement.

Mizuki had commented snidely, trying to cover up her own sadness. She suggested that Sousuke was responsible for Kaname’s leaving. Kaname had shocked herself and everyone else in earshot, when she slapped the other girl.

‘This will hurt him even more than it hurts me,’ Kaname had said. ‘At least I have family. He doesn’t. After I’m gone, he’ll be leaving too.’ She had apologized for hitting the chastened girl, still feeling a need to strike out at someone or something.

That last statement had mixed results. Some students were hopeful, while others found yet another reason to feel sad. The Rugby Club swore mightily, before tearing up themselves.

As their attendance wouldn’t affect their grades under the circumstances, both Kaname and Sousuke were given leave to skip their last day of classes. Aside form saying their farewells, the two star-crossed teens spent time walking about the school and grounds, hand in hand, barely speaking.

Room by room…… area by area…… they reminisced silently about the times they had shared there. There had been good times and bad times. Happy times and sad times. Simple times and times that defied belief.

‘You helped me a lot,’ Sousuke had said at one point, standing near a new row of lockers, one that had been installed after one of his explosions. ‘Even if I hadn’t come to love you, I would still be very grateful.’ He had brought her to tears when he added ‘But by teaching me how to be more human, you have made me more vulnerable.’ He had kissed her and said that he regretted nothing.

‘By teaching you to be more human, I merely saved the lives of countless students,’ Kaname had quipped, her heart breaking. ‘I was doing my job as Class Representative and Student Council Vice President. To show proper gratitude, the school officials should erect a statue to me.’

‘Affirmative,’ Sousuke had said, brushing his hand against hers. ‘Should the statue be holding a paper fan, or pushing over a large camera?’

Kaname had laughed…… and then hugged him…… and then cried. As she was wiping her eyes, Sousuke had pulled her to a secluded corner and taken out his satellite phone. Dialing access to the Mithril routing service, he was connected to the TDD-1.

Kurz and Melissa had expressed their sorrow and promised to do their best to look after Sousuke. Tessa had shocked Kaname by crying herself, truly saddened by what was happening to Sousuke and the other Whispered girl. She promised to see if Mithril could do something for Kaname. Her voice cracking, the young Captain also promised that she wouldn’t chase after her subordinate.

Kaname had been very touched. Sousuke had remained quiet, once again realizing why he would give his life for such people.

Eventually, the time that Kaname had dreaded arrived. Her name was mentioned over the public address system, and she made her way to the Principal’s office to fill out some paperwork with her father.

After that, feeling more alone than she had at anytime in her life after her mother’s death, Kaname had accompanied Shunya and Ayame to a waiting limousine. She wiped a tear away as they drove off, seeing a huge white flower-like shape blooming on the school grounds.

That would be Sousuke’s work. Who else would have access to a White Phosphorus grenade?

It was one last way for him to say good bye.

“Northwest Airlines flight NW18, 747 service to JFK Airport New York City, is now boarding at Gate D44, Satellite 4, first terminal.”

“I’ll never forget you,” Kaname said, hearing the announcement for her plane. The voice went on to mention seating for pregnant women and families with small children. There was no mention of girls with broken hearts and shattered dreams.

Staring at nothing in particular, Kaname stood stiff, oblivious to everything around her. Ayame and her father repeatedly tried to get her to board the aircraft with them, She merely sighed and shook her head. Each time, she muttered ‘Just a little bit longer.’ Finally, one of the airline personnel came over and informed them that they were about to taxi.

They would have to take their seats now, if they wanted to be on this flight.

Trudging down the long ramp heading to the aircraft door, Kaname happened to loom out the series of small windows. She stopped, moving closer to one of the windows. Something had caught her attention.

“Kaname, come on.” Ayame stopped herself, causing passengers to veer around her.

“In a minute. I thought that I saw something.” Kaname scanned the broad concrete expanse outside.

“It had better not been that boy!” Shunya looked somewhat sour. “If he pulls some kind of stunt here….”

“No…… not Sousuke…… something just had me feeling funny….” Kaname wasn’t certain what it might have been, since she had not really been paying attention to anything. “Wait! There….”

“What? That large man? Why’s he wearing such a long coat like that? And that hat…… it’s funny!” Ayame laughed. A large floppy bat hid the man’s face from view. In fact, no part of his body was visible.

“I fail to see what’s so important, Kaname. We should take our seats now. I know it must be difficult for you to leave, but this kind of thing won’t help matters.” Shunya wondered just how much the past year or so had affected his daughter’s psyche.

“Wait! There…… another one. Doesn’t that strike you as a bit odd?” Kaname pointed to another huge man concealed behind a coat and hat. “I have a very bad feeling about this. If they are what I think they are….” She swallowed hard. “I hope not…… I really hope not….”

Her mind drifted back to two separate occasions. One had been the first time that she had come across Leonard, Tessa’s brother. The other had been aboard the cruise ship, Pacific Christmas, one of the largest in the world

“What?” Shunya blinked rapidly. A larger group of similarly clad men moved into view. They seemed to be coming from the vicinity of parked cargo aircraft. “There’s more….” He looked over at Kaname, wondering if she had some kind of insight. “They are headed towards the plane. Some are entering the building down below us.”

“Damn!” Kaname pounded her fist against the glass. “And you had to tell Sousuke to keep away!” She began walking back up the ramp. “Come on! The last place you want to be is on that plane. It’s where they expect me to be.” Kaname shook her head. “No. The last place you want to be is anywhere near me.”

“Kaname?” Ayame sounded sacred. She had picked up something from her sister’s voice and it had her worried. “Why?”

“I need to start running,” Kaname said. “If I’m wrong, then I miss a flight. If I’m right…… and they capture me….”

“But….” Shunya looked back outside. One of the large forms had jumped up onto the side of the jetliner. It pulled off an emergency door and made its way inside. How can anyone be that strong?

“Find some place out of the way! Hurry!” Kaname dropped her carry-on bag and sprinted away. “Those are probably robots. Arastols. Like I told you about….”

Shunya pushed Ayame ahead of him, hesitating slightly until he heard sound of a disturbance within the adjacent waiting area. After that, he grabbed her hand and started moving as quickly as he could. Watching his elder daughter disappear into the crowd, he felt totally helpless.

Kaname, for her part, didn’t have time to worry about anyone else. If those heavily disguised forms were indeed Arastols…… and they were programmed like they had been last time…… they would be analyzing everyone one they came across, looking for a girl about her size and coloration. No doubt they still had the capability to evaluate retinal patterns.

For a moment, she almost stumbled. What if this was not a repeat attempt at kidnapping? What if Amalgam was ruined as an organization, and was out for revenge? Could the robots have been instructed to seek her out and kill her?

“If you are here Sousuke, this would be a great time to make one of your entrances. It’s OK if you blow something up. I’ll forgive you.”

For a moment, her heart skipped a beat or two. She heard gunfire! But, it obviously came from multiple sources, and sounded sporadic and somewhat slow-paced. That wasn’t Sousuke. No doubt it was airport security.

The sound of rapid fire machines guns could be heard, then nothing. That was probably the arm guns of the robots. More likely than not, the airport now had some vacancies on their security force.

People were milling about confused and frightened. Women were dragging their children into the restrooms. Men cradled their attache cases as the ran this way and that. This was really turning out to be a bad day.

Something came crashing through a window, having leaped three stories up off of the tarmac. It slid to a stop near the information desk for Gate 34, its hat falling off and its cape-like coat billowing behind it. The flat featureless metallic face was highlighted by a transverse slit, glowing red. The Arastol’s sensor was sweeping the area. The complete expressionless look to the face was what chilled Kaname to the bone.

Crouching low, Kaname tried to get past the robot by using frightened people as a screen. About to make a run for the nearest escalator, she saw a man come flying out of no where, as another Arastol rode up the people mover.

“Damn! Thank you so much, Daddy….”

Things grew worse in a hurry. Machinegun fire could be heard coming from the direction she and her family had come through before. It was time to backtrack and find another way down to the second floor. Sprinting behind a tall set of partitions, she felt responsible for the damage and injuries now taking place. Laying on the floor was a Teddy Bear dropped by some child.

Run. Hide. Dodge. Hide. Run. Slide. Pray. Run.

Everything seemed to occur in slow motion one moment, and then in hyperspeed the next. At one point, she ran right past her father and Ayame, both of whom were crouching down behind an overturned electric transport cart. Hurdling a man who had been tossed like a rag doll by one of the robots, she leaped onto and escalator and tumbled part of the way down.

“Ahhhhhhhh!”

Her long hair got caught in the mechanism of the escalator. She yanked hard, tearing a few hairs out from her scalp before she became seriously entangled. Vision blurry for a moment, she almost ran into one of the Arastols, which was standing over a prone woman with a body much the same size as her own.

Whirling, the robot focused on her momentarily, until the other girl tried to move and was pinned under its foot. That gave Kaname the opening she needed.

Running past cellular phone rental stations, massage chairs, and a lottery ticket booth, she had little opportunity to take in the chaos surrounding her. One of the robots had marked her as a target, and was zig-zagging across the concourse with surprising speed.

Falling, she looked up at the machine. Just as it extended its arms in her direction, its head exploded, right after most of it had been torn away by some unseen force. Sparks had flow in ever directions, and debris rained down on her hair, at the very moment she had noticed the sound of some kind of loud gun.

Scrambling to her feet, she screamed to the people around her. “Take cover. The robots self-destruct. Get down!”

Throwing herself behind a rack of rental wheelchairs, Kaname heard an explosion, and winced as countless metal ball bearings ricocheted off of the metal in front of her.

Seeing no robot in her general vicinity, she took off running again.

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A bird landed on the ledge.

It was not the only creature perched on the edge of the airport roof.

Not to far away, hand resting on a large aerial tower, Sousuke scanned the area below him, being careful not to expose himself to anyone’s view.

It had been difficult making his way into and up to his current location with the large bag that now sat near his feet. But, it had not been difficult enough to give him confidence about the security preparations at Narita Airport, also known as Tokyo International.

The hardest thing had been sitting there. The microphone he secretly placed on Kaname’s clothing was transmitting, both an audio signal and a locator pulse. Every time he heard her whisper his name, he cursed his situation.

He had learned the terminal number from. He had discovered which Gate she would board through.. He had identified the plane. After that, it was merely a waiting game. His last act for Kaname would be to watch as Northwest Airlines flight NW18 boarded, taxied down the runway, and then took off.

Everything should go uneventfully. That’s what common sense said. Lt. Commander Kalinin did not see a necessity for this surveillance activity, but OK’d Sousuke’s request just the same. There were no major missions brewing, and the young Sergeant was not needed aboard the TDD-1 any time soon.

Not really hungry, he unwrapped a protein bar and began chewing. He hadn’t eaten since he left Kaname’s apartment the night before, and his stomach was verbalizing its discontent. It was best that he ate a little something.

A sudden strong gust of wind tore the brightly-colored wrapper from his loose grip. He watched as it darted this way and that, before spiraling downward when the wind died down. Watching it descend, he was unconcerned about being discovered, as numerous small scraps of paper and other trash blew here and there across the loading area below.

Something else caught his attention. He leaned forward, risking discovery to get a better view. Why would anyone dress in that fashion? And while the large man moved somewhat smoothly, there was a strangeness to his gate that set off unconscious alarms.

“Good girl.”

Kaname had caught sight of the same man…… if it was indeed a man. Reaching for his bag, Sousuke felt the strong tug of intuition. Placing his TMP and pistol on the roof, he took hold of his newest weapon, a Barrett XM109. He hoped that he was just being overly imaginative. That hope vanished when he saw a second large individual dressed the same was as the first.

Arranging a number of large five shot clips of 25mm ammunition, he placed a call into Mithril, reporting his concerns while he took out a long thin rappelling rope and hooked it to the aerial.

His breathing loud in his ears, the young soldier had to wait. There had been no actual actions to prompt entry to the building. He had not been able to catch sight of anything definite that would set the dominoes falling. Shaking his head, he thought about his manner of entry. He would swing down and come through the windows. This time, there could be no mistakes.

Sousuke saw something that Kaname could not see from her position. Another strong swirling gust of wind kicked up the over-sized coat of one of the figures below, just as it jumped down from a cargo-liner.

“This is Urzu 7. We have Aratsols. Repeat, we have Arastols. Visual confirmation on robots.”

There were soon more than a dozen such robots making their way to various locations surrounding the aircraft. A number were gaining access to the plane itself. He would ignore those, since Kaname had not boarded. The majority were breaking into the building on the first floor.

He would make his way into the second floor, then. Taking a moment to find a good spot inside the building, he would try to blunt the onslaught until he had a good idea where Kaname was going. Priority one had to be to reduce the number of threats, before they identified him as a target.

This time, he was alone. The last time that he had fought the powerful robots, he had been with Kurz and other operatives. They had used up much of their ammunition, taking down one of the single-minded automatons. Except when hitting the limb joints, the standard and armor-piercing ammunition of the FN High Power pistols, P90s, and assorted rifles had been close to useless.

It had been Arbalest, and its firestorm of 12.7mm projectiles, that had removed the final eleven Arastols on the deck of the Pacific Christmas. Unfortunately, it would take too long to have that AS prepped, loaded, and launched to do him any good now. The robots were capable of learning, and would coordinate their actions once Kaname was identified.

Only the fact that Kaname had hesitated to board the aircraft gave her any chance at escape. That, and his presence. The huge sniper weapon that he carried now would be ideal for this enemy. That was the reason he chose it after returning from the cruise, even though he hoped to never see another Arastol. The XM109, effective against lightly armored vehicles, would be overkill against human targets.

“This is Urzu 7. I am going in.”

Heavy rifle slung over his back, Sousuke grabbed the robe. When he made his way down three floors, he would place an explosive charge on a window, and then swing far off to one side. Watching in anger, he watched as a number of robots shot out windows and made prodigious jumps inside various levels of the first terminal building.

The sounds that came through his link to Kaname were not encouraging. He had to save her. He had to! The chaos inside the airport would serve him in some ways, making it harder for the robots to single him out before he fired. But, the tracking device on his girlfriend would be difficult for him to pinpoint quickly. Its purpose was to provide her location if she was removed to some other site.

Landing on a floor littered with broken glass, Sousuke looked over at the frightened people in his vicinity.

“The airport is under attack by robotic machines. They are large and attempt to conceal their forms behind large coats. Do not stand in their way or make threatening movements. They will only hesitate from killing you to preserve ammunition.”

That was all that he could do for those people. They were not his concern. If anything, they would serve Kaname by presenting a multitude of bodies for the Arastols to evaluate. He hoped that there were a large number of young women, generous in their curvaceous parts, with weights in the range of 50 kilograms, and heights around 166 cm.

A number of screams preceded the arrival of an Arastol. Forewarned, Sousuke ran to take up position behind a tall counter selling railway tickets. Placing the 15 kilogram “Payload rifle” on the countertop, he knocked obstructing racks and a telephone out of his way. If he missed this shot, the robot would no doubt return fire to his location, placing innocent bystanders in danger.

There! Movement! No doubt what it was, as the automaton had discarded its clothing.

Luckily, it was moving slowly, grasping select frightened onlookers and giving them cursory examinations. It was now or never, as the sound of glass breaking further down the way no doubt heralded the arrival of more of the machines.

Sighting through the computerized Optical Ranging Sighting System, he placed the crosshairs on the robots sensor, and then pulled the trigger. Recoil was relatively mild for a weapon of that caliber.

The heavy projectile struck the unsuspecting robot at a speed of 2600 feet per second, destroying its head and sending the flailing machine to the floor.


“RUN! THE ROBOT WILL EXPLODE! TAKE COVER!”

Sousuke’s shouted warning saved lives, as the disabled Arastol detonated, pock-mocking the walls and breaking more windows with the metal balls. The explosion was along the same scale as a Claymore mine. The sound might well attract other machines, much the way that pheromones do, when the body of a crushed wasp calls more of its kind to the site, agitating them.

Things were now officially ‘busy’.

Thankful that the areas of the terminal on either side of him stretched out in lengthy straight expanses, the young soldier caught sight of three Arastols headed towards the area. A quick look behind him identified two more. A fierce look on his face, he placed another clip on the counter next to the rifle.

The fewer the robots, the safer Kaname would be.

Sighting through the scope, he mumbled a number of obscenities that he had heard in Afghanistan. One of the robots had gone outside, and would no doubt make a quick return somewhere close by. The other two were running in erratic random patterns, making them difficult targets. The only saving grace was that they hadn’t opened fire.

His next two shots missed. The final two rounds each found targets, sending two more robots into their self-destruct routine. Sousuke was quickly gaining a fondness for the semi-automatic weapon.

Bullets riddled the counter, only milliseconds after Sousuke had run to find a new vantage point. At least one of the robots was using its internal machine gun. The loud ‘spang’ that sounded on the metal above his head suggested that it or the other Arastol had set up a better-aimed shot with its arm rifle.

“Shit!”

Sousuke’s next two shots missed. It was bad enough to allow the metal monsters closer; but, he only had limited numbers of the large heavy rounds. So, any miss was doubly damning.

The sound of breaking glass had him jumping aside just in time, as machinegun fire sprayed against the wall. The damn machines must have triangulated his location, communicating with one another. The third robot was inside the building, but presented an easy target before it began running. A 25mm projectile tore a huge hole in its massive chest structure, sending it down for the count.

One of the Arastols cleverly ran through a crowd of cowering people, making it a difficult target. The other ran to examine a young woman near an escalator.

“Focus!”

Sousuke’s shot would have done Kurz proud. The Arastol staggered near the window, fragments of plastic and metal falling off of its demolished side. Acting out of rash instinct, Sousuke ran and slammed into the machine, knocking it out through the demolished window, just as it attempted a roundhouse kick in his direction. The following explosion sent ball-bearings bouncing off of the nearest parked aircraft and supply vehicles.

Turning, he prepared to fire on the other robot. He caught sight of a flash of color. Not too many people could have hair like that. It was Kaname! She had just made her way down the escalator. Running past one Arastol, she disappeared from view, running behind various booths and counters.

When he could see her again, he watched as she fell. One of the robots had marked her as a potential target, and was closing with surprising speed. As it reached for her, he fired, taking out the machine. When she began to run again, he called out.

“KANAME!”

“Sousuke?” Kaname turned to face in his direction. “SOUSUKE!” Beginning to run, she stopped when she heard machinegun fire. A robot had come sliding down the rail of the escalator, concentrating its attention on her boyfriend.

Arm grazed by a number of shots, Sousuke grimaced and swung up his rifle. “RUN!” He saw what Kaname could not. More robots were heading down the people mover.

His next shot took out the lead Arastol. Sweating, he fired again and again, each shot hitting.

“RUN, KANAME! THEY’LL BE CONVERGING HERE!”

“Sousuke, I….” Kaname knew better than to argue with Sousuke in a combat situation. She took off running.

Seeing no further signs of robots at the moment, Sousuke changed out his clip and followed after Kaname. There would be no more quiet moments. The sound of gunfire…… much more breaking glass…… metallic shapes sliding down every escalator to the second floor of terminal building. Aiming. Firing. Firing again.

Everything became a blur.

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The sound of sirens could be heard outside.

City police had begun converging on the airport, but were by no means prepared for the trouble they found. What little heavy weaponry the authorities had was not on the scene.

Kaname was not impressed by their quick response time. It meant nothing to her. She rightfully assumed that the responding officers would prove little impediment to the rampaging robots.

“So close, and yet so far.”

Sousuke had come to watch over her! Bless him. How she loved that big idiot! She had found yet another reason to adore him. That gun he was carrying was much more effective than the weapons that he, Kurz, and the others had aboard the cruise ship.

She might just have some hope of getting through this.

It was hard running, knowing that she was leaving him behind. But, he was right. Many of the Arastols would head to the site of fighting, intent on removing any serious threat to their mission. But, that didn’t mean that a larger number might not be independently roaming through the airport, systematically searching for someone who met her description.

Sure enough, she caught sight of one tossing men and short women out of its path. Great. How she despise those damn things. How she hated Amalgam and anyone associated with that organization. Sure, she would be grateful, if this attack frightened her father and had him leave her safety up to Sousuke and Mithril. What was the chance of that?

“The hotel district…… onboard a cruise ship…… now at the airport….. geez!”

Kaname definitely had her fill of Arastols. She wondered how the enemy knew to put them at the airport. No, that was giving them too much credit. After all, she herself had no idea that her father intended to bring her with him until yesterday.

The robots had probably been hidden inside shipping crates, brought in by one of the freight airlines. That made more sense! Likely, they would have subsequently been smuggled into the city, and then sent to capture her at school or in her apartment. If that were the case, she was fortunate to have sped up those bastards’ plan. There would have been little or no chance for escape had they struck while she was sleep at home.

“Every cloud has a silver lining….”

She thought about Ayame and her father. She hoped that they were OK. The robots didn’t seem to indiscriminately kill anyone that didn’t meet their search criteria. Just the same, the people who had been bowled over, struck my marauding machines, or blithely tossed through the air, could well have suffered serious injuries.

For a brief moment, she considered letting herself be taken captive, if only to prevent further harm to the people around her. She couldn’t do it. Her competitive spirit was too strong. The robots would have to hold her father or Ayame prisoner before she’d give in.

She would also trade herself for Sousuke again, were they to take him hostage.

If Leonard was somehow behind this assault, then it was possible that he could have programmed the machines to do just that, if he could have accessed recent photographs or medical charts on her family. Amalgam probably had a dozen folders on Sousuke.

No. Her thoughts were getting far too fanciful. Things did not need to be that complicated. With enough Arastols, sent to appropriate locations throughout the airport, she would be captured, sooner or later.

All she could hope for would be the ability to slip out unseen, while Sousuke kept as many machines occupied as possible.

Would the ARX-7 be on the way in? Might Mithril have other heavily armed agents in the building? How long would it take to arrange for something like that?

“Uh oh!”

Kaname fell down hard, trying to stop before running into a robot that sprang across the concourse in her direction. She rolled out of the way as one large metal foot tried to hold her in place.

Flakes of metal and polymer fiber sprayed into her face, causing her to blink, eyes watering. A large hole was now present in the robot’s frontal area, leaking clear viscous fluid. Arms flailing, the machine began to wander in aimless circles.

Sousuke…

Wait…… there was no time for getting all dreamy…… the damn thing was going to explode!

Kaname took a few steps, and then jumped through the door into a Mens Room. An explosion occurred just as she bowled into a number of gentlemen.

“Uhhh…… sorry…… robots…. you know…”

Peering around the door, Kaname ran back out into the concourse area, having caught no sight of Arastols. Looking for Sousuke, she caught no sign of him. He must have made that shot from a fair distance, then. That earned him another kiss. She was not about to board any plain until she paid her debt.

OK. Time to take a chance. An escalator heading down. The first floor had access to the highway, rail lines, buses, and taxicabs. It should also have a higher concentration of police and other officials that would serve to distract the robots.

There was an Arastol poised at the bottom of the people mover. No doubt it had figured out the likely sites where its target would attempt to reach freedom. Turning back, Kaname saw that two more robots had come into view, behind her.

Wham!

One more machine down! Sousuke would be covered with lipstick if he could keep this up. But, it was way too soon to celebrate. The next 25mm projectile continued past a leaping robot, taking out a large expanse of glass further down the way.

The Arastol whirled quickly, and grabbed her by the blouse. Throwing her against the wall, it completed a quick scan. Light in her eyes caused her to blink.

“LET…… ME…… GO….“

Her head spinning, Kaname struggled as the automaton pulled her against it. A small slot opened in its armor shell, allowing an autoinjector to dispense its contents into her bloodsteam.

Things went black.

[Anysia]

I so adore this fic, dd. Your earlier stuff was great, don't get me wrong, but your newer works seem somewhat more refined and...I don't think "passionate" is the right word, but it seems like you're having a lot of fun writing this.

I could be wrong, of course; one of my creative writing peers stated that my last fiction piece "clearly indicated how much fun the author had writing it" and I feckin' HATED it.

As long as the readers are enjoying it, I suppose that's all that matters, right? Hm.

Though you once again have me on the edge of my seat anxiously awaiting the next chapter and wondering how the hell Kaname is going to get out of this one. It goes without saying that I, the Supreme Kaname Fangirl, will kill you if anything bad happens to her, right?

There are still a few grammatical errors that halt the flow of the story, but that may only hold true for me. One thing I'd like to point out that has bothered me for awhile:

This is an ellipsis: ...

This is a bunch of dots: ..............

This is an effective way to convey a pause in speech or omitted words in cited material: ...

This is a bunch of dots: ...............

This is a proper grammatical device: ...

This is a bunch of dots: ................


It's just one of those little nagging things that hurts my poor little English major soul. It's up to you if you decide to change it, since I guarantee most people won't be able to tell the difference, but it's grammatically-correct.

I look forward to more of this fic, dd.

[Wild Goose]

Whoa.

This chapter's pretty good - I like how Sousuke and Kaname carry on...

Somehow, when I read the bit of the WP grenade blossoming like a white flower, the first thought that came to my mind was Karenai Hana...

Anyway, keep it up! I hope you'll carry on with this fic.

[dd]

Anysia:

There are still a few grammatical errors that halt the flow of the story

Yes, but I'm not trying to write grammatically correct all the time. Sometimes things are choppy, because I have the character thinking in choppy fashion, or because the action is not smooth. Works for me, but maybe not everyone. Sigh (wink).

This is an ellipsis: ...

This is a bunch of dots: ..............

Exactly. I like dots. I also like italics and bold type too. Don't hate me 'cause I'm a rebel........................................

[Weltall Elite]

Yes, but I'm not trying to write grammatically correct all the time. Sometimes things are choppy, because I have the character thinking in choppy fashion, or because the action is not smooth. Works for me, but maybe not everyone. Sigh (wink).

I don't know. I don't think breaking the rules that Anysia mentioned are necessarily helping your cause. I guarantee you that you can get the same point across with three periods as you can with 23.

A fragment or run-on can be used at the right time for certain effects. In those cases, I can understand breaking from traditional grammar. But if it's not helping create something, it's usually hurting you.

[dd]

Weltall Elite wrote:

A fragment or run-on can be used at the right time for certain effects. In those cases, I can understand breaking from traditional grammar. But if it's not helping create something, it's usually hurting you.

It's not hurting me. I write they way I like it. I don't have a case. And I'm already breaking 'rules' since the story isn't canon. So, what's afew more rules....

Easy credo: write how you like, read what you want.

Still, it never hurts for people to point things out or to offer opinions.

[Anysia]

There are still a few grammatical errors that halt the flow of the story

Yes, but I'm not trying to write grammatically correct all the time. Sometimes things are choppy, because I have the character thinking in choppy fashion, or because the action is not smooth.

I understand, but an ellipsis really does all that without excess. You know, the whole "less is more" principle. A shouted "NO!" conveys more dramatic tension than a melodramatic "NOOOOOO!"

I know this is probably just a personal issue, but the dot abuse takes me out of the story. I've spent too much time copy editing and beta-reading to be able to let it slide mentally; I can't help but think that it's too much. It almost becomes comical, and that's the last thing you want in the middle of a dramatic scene.

As for thought, you can always use a combination of run-on sentences and ellipses in order to get your point across. Hell, I have ellipses all over the place in my characters' thoughts and dream sequence, IIRC. I'm practically the Ellipsis Queen.

Exactly. I like dots. I also like italics and bold type too. Don't hate me 'cause I'm a rebel........................................

*shrugs* Your perogative, I suppose, but it's never good to have a reader pulled out of the story, for any reason. Moderation is a good thing!

I assume the 40 consecutive periods (yes, I counted. I'm sad like that) were intended in jest and not as a flippant "screw you," right?

I don't know. I don't think breaking the rules that Anysia mentioned are necessarily helping your cause. I guarantee you that you can get the same point across with three periods as you can with 23.

Ah, you always manage to put things so succinctly. Merci, WE.

[dd]

I'm spending more time writing about dots than I am about the story.

Hmmm. Pablo Picasso had his phases:

1. Blue Period
2. Rose Period
3. Cubism
4. Neo-Classicism
5. Surrealism
6. A style reminiscent of stained glass
7. A style with strong expressionist elements

Well, I'm neither a painter nor Picasso, but I may have my phases too. Right now I am in my Dot Period.

Hmmmm. Periods are dots. At least some of them are. Damn, now I'm getting distracted again....

*shrugs* Your perogative, I suppose, but it's never good to have a reader pulled out of the story, for any reason. Moderation is a good thing!

True. But, I write because I like to write. My first priority is to type what feels right to me. I always consider it an added bonus that anyone actually likes to read the stuff.

Any way, back to the salt mines...

[Taurec]

So thats how you call it ..... I never did leave that "."
Please keep em coming 2xd.

[Weltall Elite]

I see. I understand the situation now. There's really no point in anyone offering you advice because you choose to be set in your ways, right?

Well, that's fine. But I will offer you one last bit of advice before I leave you alone, since I see that trying to help you is not welcome.

You, nor I, nor Anysia are master writers. No one who posts their work online for free is. We're all amateurs trying to refine our skills because we want to be better than we are.

The writer who isn't is the one who writes only for himself and doesn't care about improving. That's fine too. But those people don't post their work for others to read. They keep it in a drawer somewhere for themselves.

People who show their work to others do it because they want feedback. Some want people to point out their flaws and help them improve. Others simply want their ego stroked. Those are the only two types of amateur authors that share their work.

Authors and artists use feedback to refine their skills. Of course, not everything everyone tells you is going to be helpful to your vision, but if you intend to improve as a writer, you should keep this in mind before you brush off your reviewers.

Anysia and myself aren't trying to hold you back. We just hate to see potential go undeveloped. So we try to help just like we'd like for people to do for us.

But we can't force that on you. So if that's how you feel, I'll leave you be. That's all I wanted to say.

[dd]

Those are the only two types of amateur authors that share their work.

Only two?

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your Philosophy

I see that trying to help you is not welcome.

and

We're all amateurs trying to refine our skills because we want to be better than we are.

It's a matter of perspective. You obviously think I need help. I merely think that I write as a creative outlet and because I have fun writing. If I truly wanted to polish my craft, I would write one story in the time that I usually do ten. But, that wouldn't be fun for me. So, not 'everyone' is trying to do what you are trying to do.

So we try to help just like we'd like for people to do for us.

That's a great sentiment. Thanks. It's particulary commendable, given the kind of remarks made on other fiction sites.

[Weltall Elite]

Fair enough. What you want from your own writing is ultimately no one's business but your own. While I may not view things your way, in the end, no one has any right to tell you what your motivation for writing should be.

I was just wondering your angle. Now I understand it. You're just having fun. All anyone can do is respect that. Carry on. Good luck with what you're doing.

[Anysia]

It's a matter of perspective. You obviously think I need help.

Um, yo. If that "you" is a plural and includes me, don't put words in my mouth. If I think you need help, I'll SAY you need help. I've never been known for my tact.

You're writing for yourself and for fun. Great, good for you. Unfortunately, your attitude suggests to me that you really don't care about the readers, which inevitably results in your failing as a writer on at least one count. I have countless stories stored on my hard drive that I've written for fun, but I'd never want them to be seen by ANYONE. If I ever published them on Fictionpress or another original fiction site, I'd have to clean up the grammar, make things clearer, and ensure that everything is as polished as possible. That's a writer's job--if you're thinking of yourself instead of your audience, you're not doing it right.

I'm probably wasting my breath. Far be it for me to possibly impede upon your sacred creativity. So I'll save my comments on cliched characterizations and stilted dialogue for the next time you stop in not as a response to concrit but to put forth some knee-jerk high-school-level defenses. So, what, six months, maybe?

I'm beginning to wonder if the constant adulation of the fanpoodle brigade hasn't gone to your head. Grammar and creativity/artistic license/whatever-justification-you're-using-for-not-giving-a-damn are not two mutually exclusive concepts.

[cultnirvana]

Yes, but I'm not trying to write grammatically correct all the time.

"I'm a rebel writer because I add extra periods to my ellipses!!!1111eleven I'm the next George Orwell!!! Che Gevera has NOTHING on me!!!!!onehundredandeleven"

*burst into fits of laughter* I knew there was a reason I gave up on FMP! fanfics. I know my own work is s**t, but at least I don't make such hilarious excuses

[dd]

I'm a rebel writer because I add extra periods to my ellipses!!!

It was a joke. Sheez. What's really interesting is how people react when I say I prefer to do things the way that I like best.

excuses

Boy, people get upset, and before you know it we have a swarm. I still don't get why someone needs to have an 'excuse' to write they way he or she likes to. Especially since I try to incorporate ideas or trends that folks seem to like, as long as they are not at odds with my preferences.

It is interesting to see how people react, even if it isn't always fun. Human nature is a complex thing.

Hope nobody gets the bright idea of selling Voodoo dolls....