[FIC] First Impressions (part 12)

[dd]

There were faint sounds of some kind of struggle.

He opened his eyes briefly, and then closed them again, bothered by the light in the room.

The sounds grew louder, punctuated by the sound of something metal hitting the floor, somewhere outside of the small well-equipped room.

He opened his eyes again, suddenly on edge. Was there some kind of attack going on? Had the enemy followed him here? More importantly, where was here?

“He has been unconscious for the three days that he’s been here,” a young woman’s voice said. “The doctor’s orders are that he is not to have any visitors, unless they are cleared by Base Security. That requires a signed authorization.”

“I told you, he’s our friend, and a member of our team. If we need some kind of permission, get on the f-cking phone and call some asshole over here to vouch for us.” That voice was very familiar…female… middle to late twenties…. haughty and cantankerous. “Otherwise I’m going to authorize someone’s ass with my boot!”

“I will not be threatened,” the first woman spat back. “And, I will not let any foul-mouthed tom boy intimidate me. If you keep this up, I will be forced to notify your commanding officer.”

“You won’t let?” The angry voice grew angrier still. “Let me tell you…”

“Hey… I’ll handle this, Babe.” That voice was very familiar, too. Male… early twenties or late teens… smooth and confident. “A little Weber charm will go a long way. Miss, I truly appreciate the fine care you are providing our friend…… I’m only sorry the poor boy hasn’t had the opportunity to appreciate the beauty that he had been blessed to be around. We all work for Mithril… and we all care about young Sgt. Sagara… isn’t that true? I have no problem with you staying in the room, keeping an eye on us… especially if I get to return the favor.”

“I won’t be swayed by flattery, either!” The first woman made quite clear. “And I have no problem with you staying out of these hospital facilities altogether. And what’s with the posing? Do you think that you’re a model or something.”

“Shit! She’s got you pegged.” The second woman laughed. “But it doesn’t matter. I’m going in anyway. And you can take down that damn ‘No Smoking’ sign, too.”

“Orderly. Orderly, over here. Go get someone from the Military Police. Hurry!” The first woman called out to someone. “If you don’t want to be written up on charges, I strongly suggest that…”

“Hey! There you guys are. They told me that you might be headed over to see Sousuke!” That voice had him trying to sit up. Youthful… full of energy… late teens. Fighting his way to a clearer head, he could put a face to that voice, as well as a name. “I had to get this stupid paper here, just to come and see him. Why are you standing out here? Is he asleep or something? Nurse?”

“You may go in young lady,” the first woman said. “But, he still hadn’t regained consciousness, the last time that I checked in with him. It might help him to hear a familiar voice, though.” There was a slight pause. “A kind and respectful voice.”

“I have your kind and respectful right here. Move it or lose it, Florence Nightingale….” That was followed by the sound of brief tussling.

“Ouch… damn it, Sis… what are you hitting me for? I‘m only looking out for your best interest.” The man’s voice sounded indignant. “Kaname…why don’t you and I go in and see Sleeping Beauty, while the Ugly Step Sister stays out here in the hallway. Ahhhhhhh… let go…”

“It would probably be quieter if you just let them come in with me. I know them. They’re friends.” Kaname’s voice had Sousuke trying to sit up, unsuccessfully.

“OK. But, you’ll all need to leave after a few minutes. I need to give him his bath.” The nurse said. “He needs his dressings changed, too.”

“His bath?” Kaname’s voice rose an octave. “You mean, washing him… all over…”

“Yes. I am very thorough in my job. Those things he is incapable of doing for himself, I do for him.” The nurse began pushing the door open. “Is there a problem?”

“Oh… no… no… no…” Kurz laughed. “The only problem is that the poor boy isn’t awake to enjoy it. Yeh, what a pity. Hey, pretty lady, do you think you can let Miss Chidori watch while you give the hero his wipe down? It might be very educational. Owwww…”

“Nice punch, Kaname. Next time I suggest that you use your elbow.” It was Melissa’s turn to laugh. “Or your knee.”

The door swung open all the way. The nurse just shook her head as she watched the three friend enter the room.

“Kaname?” Sousuke’s voice was weak.

“Yes, Sousuke.” Kaname had to force herself to walk with some dignity, rather than running to her boyfriend’s side. Swallowing hard and fighting back tears, she touched the bandages wrapped around his head. “They… ummm… give you a brain transplant or something?” Her joke sounded flat in her ears, but she needed to say something off hand, to keep from throwing herself on him and crying.

“Kaname, you’re here?” Sousuke tried to sit up again, but the nurse told him to lay still.

“Does it look like I’m here, you big idiot?” Kaname wiped away a tear before squeezing his nearest hand. “I guess the new brain doesn’t work any better than the old one, huh?”

“It’s so heartwarming,” Kurz quipped. “Most girls would have kissed him, or told them how worried they were. Kaname, I salute you.”

“Shut the hell up, dickhead.” Melissa pushed Kurz aside and walked over to look down at Sousuke.

“Thank you, Melissa.” Kaname smiled, then looked back down at Sousuke. “Kurz, I’ll save that kind of stuff for when I’m alone with Sousuke. But, don’t be shy, if you want to kiss him…”

Melissa chuckled, giving Kaname a thumbs up. Kurz scowled, but then smirked, tossing his hair. The girl should know better than that.

“Sousuke, old man. It’s great to see that you’re OK.” Kurz rapped on the bed rail a few times. “You had us all worried. Sis and I only wanted to see how you were. Your girlfriend here wanted to help that cute little nurse give you a sponge bath. You can probably guess what she wanted to sneak a peak at.” Kurz’ smile grew.

“Kaname?” Sousuke looked up into her face, watching her face turn from pink to red.

“No, Sousuke… I didn’t…” Kaname shook her head.

“You haven’t introduced her to your little soldier yet, have you?” Kurz ignored the look of annoyance the nurse gave him, and the much darker look Melissa was working on. “She and the nurse probably wanted to play Doctor. Heh heh heh.”

“Kaname? Little soldier? What…” Sousuke coughed. “May I have some water please?”

The blue-haired girl rushed to get the water before the nurse did. That would provide her a ready means to avoid answering Sousuke’s question.

“It looks like we have quite a crowd here.” That voice was very familiar as well. “Nurse, I hope that Sgt. Weber hasn’t been giving you any trouble.” Tessa walked into the room, carrying a nice potted plant for her injured subordinate.

Melissa’s expression told Tessa everything she needed to know.

“Of course not, Tessa!” Kurz struck a pose. “It wasn’t me. Kaname and the nurse wanted to sneak a peak at Sousuke’s…” he paused, and then put on a straight face. “I shouldn’t mention the word… it would make you blush.” Looking over at Melissa with a defiant look before ragging on her friend, he added “I bet they would let you join them.”

It was Tessa’s turn to blush. It didn’t help when Kurz said ‘See, that means she wants to’, and started whistling.

Things were quickly getting out of hand.

“I’m going to need to ask some of you to leave. The number of visitors is strictly limited, and things are becoming too raucous.” The nurse fluffed Sousuke’s pillow for him and brought a full pitcher of water over to his nightstand.

“Things are going to get quiet real soon,” Melissa said. She placed the barrel of her pistol up under Kurz’ jaw. Thinking ahead, she had put in a clip of rubber bullets, even though she rarely had use for such nonsense. “One way or the other.”

“But Sis, I was just…” Kurz swallowed hard and went silent when Melissa pushed the gun harder against him. Knowing her, she might not be kidding.

Sousuke just lay on his back taking it all in. He didn’t mind the commotion. It was something familiar. These were his friends. Not entirely oblivious to Kaname’s reaction, he felt a need for some slight mischief himself. “Kaname, I am at a loss. Could you explain to me what Kurz was talking about?”

“Ummm…” Kaname clasped one hand in the other. “You know…” She looked very uncomfortable.

“Here, I‘ll do it.” Melissa walked over and bent down, whispering in Sousuke’s ear. She went into very vivid detail, when she really only needed to use one or two words. “Got it?”

“Affirmative.” It was Sousuke’s turn to swallow hard. He needed another cup of water.

Kaname smirked. She saluted Melissa, then tossed her hair into Kurz’ face. “That’s a very nice plant, Tessa.”

“Thank you,” Tessa smiled at Kaname. It was wonderful seeing them all kid around with each other. Especially Sousuke. Things had been very close with him for a while.

After that, everyone’s behavior calmed down considerably. After the shock of seeing Sousuke wore off, Kaname became very protective of him, making certain that there was no shouting, fighting, or loud laughter. They all chatted amiably, while the nurse went off to get Sousuke’s lunch. On the way out, she told the breathless MP that he probably wasn't needed, but suggested he stay outside the room for a short while just the same.

“Kaname, I still don’t understand why you are here.” Sousuke pushed up a loop of bandage that wandered too far south.

“What? How hard did you hit your head, you big moron.” Kaname brushed her hand across his cheek. “Even Kurz realizes how much you mean to me.”

“Yes, I am very grateful for that. But, you should understand what I am asking. I thought that you would be in New York by now.” Sousuke fought down an upwelling of hope, knowing that Kaname might indeed need to go to America after she had finished with her visit.

“Oh, that!” Kaname shrugged, as if it were no big deal. “Tessa was kind enough to arrange a flight here for me.” She looked over at the members of her boyfriend’s SRT. “As I understand it, two misfits threatened to hijack a helicopter if something wasn’t arranged.” She smiled, knowing that was not the answer Sousuke wanted to hear.

Sousuke closed his eyes and lay still. He knew the pressure to speak would get to Kaname sooner or later. He could wait.

It wasn’t as if he was going anywhere.

The time stretched on. Tessa giggled, looking at Kaname’s face. Melissa took out a cigarette and lit up, ignoring hospital rules.

The silence was punctuated by overhead messages, calling medical personnel to various points throughout the Merida Island medical facility. Eventually, Kaname couldn’t take it any more. “Are you falling asleep, Mister?” Kaname tapped Sousuke on the shoulder, careful to avoid the I.V. line when she leaned over. “If you are…”

Sousuke remained silent. Unable to help himself, he grinned ever so slightly.

“Jerk!” Kaname said, grinning herself. Everyone else seemed to be amused as well. “I had a long talk with my father. He was being very stubborn, as you might expect. But, finally he began to see that things weren‘t as straightforward as he thought they were. It’s not that he gave in or anything. He’s so used to the way that things work at the U.N., you know. That’s why he…”

“Acted the way that all stuffed shirts act,” Melissa said, blowing a large cloud of smoke in Kurz’ direction. “It’s all numbers and words to them. The biggest crisis that pencil pushers have to deal with is when the office runs out of staples, or the coffee creamer outdates. Shit.” She looked over at Tessa. “Present company excluded.”

Tessa frowned. She knew that Melissa was just teasing her. She was not a pencil pusher!

“Hey, that’s not fair.” Kaname said, grabbing Sousuke’s bed rail. “My father doesn’t just sit behind some desk. He played a big part in the Rio de Janiero ‘Earth Summit’ a few years ago. That was the only thing that led to the treaties on biodiversity and climate change.”

Tessa nodded her head. Kurz yawned. Melissa snorted, and then replied. “Biodiversity. Wonderful. I can see all the biodiversity I want looking at Weber. La dee dah.”

“That’s not all,” Kaname said, feeling defensive. “He’s visited a number of nations, working incredibly hard to limit deforestation and promote sustainable forest development. And, he’s done great things in preventing over-fishing.”

“Right,” Melissa said, stretching long and slow. “With all the paper and pencils those guys in the U.N. use every year, that’s what probably puts the forests in danger. And I can probably thank him for the increased cost for canned crab. Shit. While people like us fight to keep things safe, it’s the suit and tie guys that try to slap rules on everything.” She definitely had a thing against rule and regulations, dating back to her life in a military family.

“Melissa…” Tessa pulled at her ponytail.

“My father works hard to keep people safe in his own way!” Kaname’s voice was rising. She ignored Sousuke when he placed his hand on hers. “You think it was simple for him to work on convincing enemies like Syria, Israel, Greece, and Turkey to all work together to clean up the beaches around the Mediterranean? Half of the polluted beaches are usable again, thanks to his group.”

“OK, so he’s good at cleaning up big piles of sand.” Melissa frowned, thinking about her father, and how he had almost railroaded her into a marriage she didn’t want. “Wonderful. F-cking marvelous. Why’s he so intent on messing up your life?” She didn’t add ‘and his’when she looked down at Sousuke in sisterly fashion.

Tessa shook her head, knowing full well what Melissa must be thinking. But, this was not the time or place for this kind of thing.

“He… I…” Kaname hung her head. “He wants what’s best for me. We just have different opinions on what that is.”

“The Sergeant Major is correct. The man is obviously crazy.” Kurz flashed a rather flamboyant grin. As usual, he wanted to play the Devil‘s Advocate. “I mean, what normal father wouldn’t want his daughter to go out with a boy who can knock down half of a port city…… while kicking the ass of five invading Arm Slaves? Or someone who can fight off robots…… while pretending to be a terrorist on a cruise ship? Not to mention introducing himself by crashing through a plate glass window…… swinging on the end of a fire hose.”

Tessa sighed. She remembered standing before general Ammitt, after the mission in Hong Kong. Sir Malory had laughed, telling the President of the Intelligence Division that the SRT soldiers couldn‘t be tamed.

How right he was.

“But, if he gets to know Sousuke better….” Kaname now switched over to her boyfriend’s defense.

“He’ll find out that our clueless young hero ran into a girl’s locker room, and then returned home hand-cuffed to a metal folding chair.” Kurz smiled, remembering one of the first days that they had been assigned to Tokyo to watch over Kaname. “Oh, and he would be amused to hear that the same brilliant boy brought a Bio-agent to class, one that had his daughter and everyone else in the school ending up butt naked. And if that didn’t win him over, there would be plenty of stories about exploding lockers…grenades in school… trapping Art Class… good stuff like that.”

“Well… you know… Sousuke meant well…” Kaname knew that now. At the time, she would have kicked him inside of a cruise missile and launched him as far away as possible.

“It took you a while to get used to that though, didn’t it Kaname?” Tessa nodded sagely. “But you didn’t have any choice in the matter, right? Your father does.”

“The man probably won’t have a clue unless someone shoves one up his ass.” Melissa tossed her lit cigarette onto the floor. “Kaname would be dead a number of times over, if it wasn’t for Sousuke.”

“But, she has also been faced with danger because of me,” Sousuke said. “This latest attack is a fine example of that.” He looked up at Kaname. “You said that you had a long talk with your father. You never told us about the results of that conversation.”

“I was kind of distracted,” Kaname said, looking over at Melissa. Melissa just shrugged.

“I think this has all been a bit much for the Sergeant,” the nurse said, returning. She was pushing a food cart. “It is time for everyone to leave. The quiet ones can return during the next visiting hours.” Screwing up her face when she looked at Kurz and Melissa, the young woman made it quite apparent whom she was excluding.

“Couldn’t I just stay while he eats… I could help feed him…” Kaname looked hopeful.

“No.” The nurse was adamant. “He needs to take some medicines now, too. But, I might need some help getting him out of bed for a walk… about an hour from now.” She flashed Kaname a smile.

“Oh.” Kaname mouthed ‘thank you‘. Giving Sousuke a quick kiss on the cheek, she finally got to the crux of the matter. “In any case, Daddy still wants me to come back to America with him. But, he’s giving me one chance.” She looked over at Sousuke. “He wants to spend some time around Sousuke, getting to know what he’s like.”

“You mean, seeing if trouble follows him everywhere he goes,” Kurz said, getting his hand smacked by the nurse when he reached for the food on Sousuke’s tray.

“You guys are screwed.” Melissa grabbed her lanky squadmate and began pulling him from the room.

[AEmer]

Read it all over the past couple of days...

I'm glad you finished it, in fact, I think you managed to wrap it up more nicely than Gatou's done it sometimes... I mean, the ending wasn't _that_ exciting, but all the same, it did it's job really well...gave a good sense of closure.

A few observations, if I may:

There were a few phonetical spelling errors throughout the stoy, for example writing 'amount' instead of 'a moment', jumbling few sentences slightly, but I'm sure you're aware you have an inclination for making such mistakes, and they would've been caught with more proofreading, so no biggie...

There was also what to me appeared to be a few rather consistent temporal errors concerning the verb 'must' (to have to) being used incorrectly in past tense, but I may be wrong on that count, since I'm not too excellent with grammatics myself..that may also have been a choice, I suppose, so as already stated, just making an observation.

..I'm rather curious as to why you didn't mention her ruined earlobe more than once...it would seem like it could've been added at the point where she put the headset on to talk with tessa, or that her father could've notice blood on her cheek and be startled. In general, that's actually something that might've added a bit to some situations; some brief clothing and character descriptions. They're altogether possible since you're changing your point of view around a lot, and it would've added something for my imagination to go on if there'd been a few more of those...like, it would've painted the scenery more clearly to me. Again, it may well be a choice, since character descriptions drag the story down, but yeah, I think you could've done something interesting with them here and there.

I was unhappy that Sousuke killed off the venom pilot in cold blood, after he'd tried surrendering. Just had to mention that.

And that's the points I needed to mention...I'm sure I could find others, but after reading that awful arguement back at part 4, I understand that this hasn't been written with that kind of precision in mind. I must say that I agree with you; a writer needs no excuse to write the way he does. Since I was entertained...not greatly, but entertained none the less...I'm glad you chose not to keep these on your harddrive.

Generally speaking my biggest qualm was that the plot wasn't as fresh or innovative as it could've been, considering the setting (apart from mainly the first chapter). The plot didn't thicken the way it does in Dancing Happy Merry Christmas, for instance. On the other hand, I liked your action sequences a lot more than that (imo) absolutely terrible airplane-ending fight sequence..

Over all, I'd like to say job well done, and thumbs up!

Oh yeah, and...is there a reason in particular you have Kurtz calling Mao "Sis" ? - cause they obviously aren't siblings (right? :O), and while it seems about right that he could call her nee-san (or whatever) in japanese, it just seems...kinda silly...to have him do it in english....imo

[HELLFIRE]

I've forgotten just how prolific a writer dd can be.... when he gets prolific
Figured I'd take a break from reading and concentrate on alittle of my own writing.

...somehow it feels like you've left a gap between 11 & 12... maybe because
you spent so much time on Kaname's worry over Sousuke's condition and
didn't take the chance to mirror it with Sousuke fighting his way back to
the de Danaan...

either way, looks like you've set the Chidori family up for some more
quality time with our resident (near)super man... whatever'll come out of that
I wonder?

Cheers dd!












Regards

[dd]

...somehow it feels like you've left a gap between 11 & 12... maybe because
you spent so much time on Kaname's worry over Sousuke's condition and
didn't take the chance to mirror it with Sousuke fighting his way back to
the de Danaan...

Yeh. mea culpa.

But, it's a change of perspective thing. After Arbalest hits the water, it isn't long before Sousuke is out of it. he wakes up just as the gang is at the door.

[Weltall Elite]

Nah, I like it better that way. I'm also glad you skipped over Kaname's conversation with her father and instead opted to have her explain the gist of it to everyone. Given your style just a few chapters back, I think you would have written out the conversation, and then had her explain it word for word to everyone else later. That would have been unnecessary and impractical. So even if you say you don't care about it, the structure of your work seems to be improving.

[HELLFIRE]

// wonders what kind of dialogue would occur between AI & a
semi-unconscious Sousuke while making a mad dash for de Danaan

...just as an interesting experiment

AI: you know, before ppl, die, they're supopsed to admit their deepest secrets to someone they care

Sousuke: ...

AI: <insert dialogue here>













Regards