[FIC] Dazed and Confused - Chapter 5

[Ariane]

Chapter 5 – One Mishap at a Time

It was difficult for me to sleep that night, my mind kept replaying the afternoon's events, berating myself for my lack of action. There was just too much going on at once, it was near impossible for me to focus properly on any one thing. First and foremost there was Kaname's latest stalker. Something seriously needed to be done about this freak. I was beyond frustrated with my inability to catch him, and it simply could not happen again. I wouldn't let Kaname suffer because of my stupid mistakes.

Next there was Noumen, who must have had some connection. It just seemed too much of a coincidence that he left the game shortly before the masked man appeared, saw me on the bench with Kazuki downtown, and returned to the field just in time to charm Kaname. I was sure he was involved in the scheme, though just how involved I had no idea.

Then there was the issue of the dance. It made me uncomfortable to see Kaname so upset, and even though I wasn't exactly sure why the dance meant so much to her, or how a large group of people swaying back and forth for hours could really be all that amusing, I hated to be somehow at fault for her unhappiness. I had to do something quickly before I seriously damaged our relationship... whatever that relationship may be.

Perhaps what worried me most was how this whole love thing was interfering with my mission. I had been so absorbed in calming my flustered nerves at the game that I hadn't seen the skeleton man until he was mere feet from Kaname. Now Kaname was stranding me at train stations and making protecting her that much more difficult because my feelings for her were clouding my judgment and making communication near impossible. Something had to be done about this quickly, or the mission and Kaname's life could be in serious jeopardy. It was important to remain on her good side so that she didn't constantly object to my presence, but would it be worse to get too much on her good side? It seemed like the more Kaname warmed up to me, the angrier she got when I did something to disappoint her.

I sighed, staring up at the bottom of my bed and shifting uncomfortably on the floor. It was times like these I could really use reinforcements. However, all Kurz and Melissa ever seemed to do was tease me and confuse me even more. Things had been so much easier when I was in the desert dealing with guerilla tactics and land mines.

...but I didn't wish to be back there, not really. Kaname's presence in my life seemed to add another dimension that simply hadn't been there before, opening an entirely new set of possibilities I had never imagined. While the prospect of so much uncharted territory usually made me break out into a sweat, it was too much even for me to simply wish it all away. Maybe once you meet someone like Kaname, there's no going back.

There was a burst of static and I quickly rolled out from underneath my bed, snatching up the walkie-talkie that I had give Kaname the match to. There was a pause, and then Kaname's voice, unusually frightened and vulnerable sounding. This made my stomach turn, Kaname was hardly ever scared, and she was so angry with me that she would only contact me if it really were and emergency.

"Sousuke...?"

"Roger, Miss Chidori, what is the problem?" I was rushing out the door while I waited for a response, anxious to get to her apartment and make sure everything is okay.

"What did you say that guy looked like who was by the dugout this afternoon?"

My hand clenched around the walkie-talkie, if that man was bothering Kaname, I was going to put him through twelve kinds of pain. I swallowed, carefully keeping my tone even. "He was of average height and build, clad in entirely black with a skeleton mask on. He did not appear to be armed."

There was a muttering sound, but I couldn't make out the words. I waited a second before saying, "Miss Chidori, has there been an intruder?"

"Ah... no, not exactly..."

Not exactly? I quickened my pace, breaking into an all out sprint. That asshole, I'd teach him, you don't go around waking Kaname up on my watch and get away with it.

"That is..." she stuttered, seemingly in disbelief. "He's down on the curb under my balcony... rooting through my garbage."

I stopped short, her building coming into view. Indeed, down by the dumpsters was the very same masked man, snickering manically as he rummaged through the trash, glancing at things one at a time and tossing them over his shoulder if he found them uninteresting.

"Miss Chidori," I said solemnly, quickly ducking behind a bush. "I politely request that you remove yourself from the balcony and stay inside. Preferably under a table."

"What?"

I frowned, glancing at my watch. Only a few more seconds... "Please trust me, Chidori."

She said nothing, but I saw her shake her head up on her balcony and throw her arms up in the air, sliding the door shut behind her when she retreated inside. Once sure she was safely within her apartment I ducked, covering my head with arms just in time to dodge the sea of smoke and debris the resulted from the timed mine I had placed in her garbage can.

Once the dust had cleared enough to see, I darted out from the bush, and found the culprit limping away from the rubble. Ah-ha! You’re not going to out-run me this time! I sped towards him, reaching out and almost grasping his shoulder when something dark flew up in front of my eyes, the sudden lack of vision causing me to trip and fall on my face. I struggled to my feet, the wind knocked out of me, and snatched whatever was on my head away, casting about for the man but…

Surprise, surprise, he was gone.

“Sousuke! What are you doing with my gym shorts? I’ve been looking all over for those!” I looked up to see Chidori had returned to her balcony and was now glaring angrily down at me through a missing chunk of railing that hadn’t been there before the explosion. “And look what you did to my apartment!”

“I’m deeply sorry, Miss Chidori. Did you see which way the man went?”

“No, I was inside under a table like you said, you crazy jerk. I didn’t see anything but my balcony getting blown up.”

I groaned in frustration, looking up at the other balconies and fire escapes, around the edge of the buildings, in the dumpsters, finally weaving my hands through my hair tiredly. “This is ridiculous.”

“No,” Kaname called down harshly. “What’s ridiculous is that you rigged my dumpster. Any garbage man could have been blown to bits!”

“Negative,” I shook my head, moving out a few feet so I could gaze clearly up at her. “It was a time bomb that would only go off after meddling persists for some time. It is set so that ordinary emptying or other work would not disrupt it, but prolonged scavenging would detonate it. It is important to protect your privacy. Any villain could search though garbage for some clue to your personal life.”

She sighed, yelping and stepping back when the rest of her railing gave way and fell in pieces to the ground in front of me. “Like my gym shorts?” she ground out.

“I think in this case the miscreant was merely looking for objects he found personally appealing.”

“What the hell is appealing about my gym shorts?”

“I can’t begin to explain the minds of troubled men, Miss Chidori.”

“But the thing is, Sousuke,” she said, rubbing her forehead angrily. “That those are from my gym locker, I didn’t throw them away. I was really angry when they weren’t where they were supposed to be yesterday and I had to borrow a pair.”

This new information disturbed me. Whoever the masked man was had access to the girls’ locker room, and time enough to grab them without being caught, and the disturbing desire to carry them around with him all the time, even on his night prowls. “I apologize, Miss Chidori, for my failure to protect you and your belongings.”

She rolled her eyes. “What are you talking about? You almost blew the guy up.”

I stuffed my hands into my pockets, trying to stay serious, but it was difficult to do so when she was standing there in her pajamas. This pair had little ducks all over them. She looked adorable. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. This was no laughing matter. “This is the third time I have been unable to capture him,” I explained. “That is unacceptable.” What was all my extensive training and experience for anyway, if I couldn’t even catch a common pervert? I sighed, straightening up. Regret and self-reproach were useless trains of thought. All I could do now was use my new knowledge to prepare for the next attack. “Miss Chidori,” I called up. “Please remain in your apartment. I will be up in a few moments to secure the area.”

“Oh, go home, Sousuke. He’s not going to come back after facing that many explosives. Get some sleep.”

“Negative,” I said firmly. “He could be standing by merely waiting for me to leave to make his real strike.” She didn’t look convinced, raising one eyebrow skeptically. “Please, Kaname,” I said, swallowing. Saying her given name, bringing out the big guns, eh? “I would be much more comfortable if I knew you were safe.”

Even from my distance I could see her annoyance melt away, leaving a resigned sort of affection. “Whatever, just don’t keep standing there, it’s a miracle the neighbors haven’t woken up already, we don’t have to keep shouting out here.”

I smiled, making a note to clean this mess up in the morning, and going through the main entrance, taking the stairs two at a time to get to Kaname’s place. I was about to knock on her door when it swung open, revealing Kaname standing there, leaning casually… okay, pretty much seductively, against the wall beside her.

I gulped, trying to make sense of why she was standing like that, why her hair was swept over one shoulder and falling into her eyes, why her eyes had a dark, playful glint to them. This was standard military operation here, not some secret evening visit…

“Hey, Stranger,” she purred.

I blinked. “Ah… hello…?” I thought Kaname’s voice sounded very nice normally. Purring makes it just unfairly attractive. She really shouldn’t do that when I was trying to protect her.

She laughed, straightening up and smacking my shoulder. “I’m just playing!” she teased, turning around and entering her apartment, waving for me to follow. Just playing, huh? Well, that’s… almost disappointing. “So,” she said, her arm sweeping out to the room as I closed the door behind me. “Secure, or whatever you need to do. It’s late.”

I nodded, checking the locks on various windows and all of the air vents and other openings. Kaname watched me, seemingly amused, from the doorway to the kitchen. She gave in surprisingly easily this time around. Usually she put up a better fight and didn't like me messing around with her apartment. Maybe she had forgiven me for my apparently aggravating behavior earlier.

Once satisfied, I moved out to her balcony and promptly sat down Indian style, my back against the outer wall, facing out into the night. I'd just love to see that guy try anything now, I was in a perfect defensive position.

"Ah... Sousuke?" Kaname muttered behind me, not moving from where she was standing. "Everything's fine, right? You can go home now."

"Negative, Miss Chidori. I must keep watch in case the masked man decides to do anything suspicious again."

"Oh no," Kaname said firmly, moving to stand beside me. "He's not coming back, just go home and go to bed. It's almost 3 A.M., and we have an English test tomorrow, I need rest, too."

I set my jaw, my mind made up. "You may retire, Miss Chidori, I will guard you out here. There is no need to worry."

She exhaled, placing her hands on her hips and glaring straight ahead. "If you insist on staying, at least let me make up the couch for you, okay? You can't possibly be comfortable out here."

"It isn't a matter of comfort," I said, "this is the most vulnerable entrance to your apartment, so it is where I must stay."

She turned and reentered the apartment, muttering something under her breath about my being crazy. Frankly, I didn't understand her logic. She had seen the masked man loitering around her living space, what more proof did she need? Why did she insist that I was not mentally sound when my desire to protect her was obvious? I frowned, crossing my arms over my chest. Well, it didn't really matter what she thought. I wasn't going to let anything happen to her.

I was confused when I felt a heavy warmth settle over my shoulders, and looked up to see Kaname had returned in a bath robe and slippers, and had tucked a blanket around me. She made a face, taking a seat next to me and tucking her legs underneath her.

"It's chilly out," she said simply, settling back against the wall, her shoulder touching mine.

We lapsed into a comfortable silence, it was a little cold out, but there was a warmth between us that made me smile. I was perfectly content to just sit there like that for the rest of the night, but she felt the need to speak.

"Look Sousuke, I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier and running off like that."

I glanced at her in surprise. Kaname rarely apologized, especially in instances when she wasn't necessarily wrong. "It is quite alright, Miss Chidori."

"No, it's not," Kaname frowned. "I'm just stressed out about exams and college and student council and the dance and now this creepy guy... but I really shouldn't take it out on you."

I don't know where my sudden gall came from, but I don't care. I moved my arm underneath the blanket and gently took her hand in mine, holding my breath and remaining completely still in fear that she might slap me or push me off the balcony or some other exertion of her temper.

She didn’t do any of those things though, just leaned her head on my shoulder, sighing slightly. I let my held breath out slowly, relaxing a bit, wanting to lean my head against hers but not wanting to push my courage or my luck.

"You know," she said quietly. "I think the problem is that too often I forget that you don't mean to piss me off... you just don't know any better."

For some reason her words twisted into my gut like a knife. It was true... I'm afraid I don't know any better. But that was a harsh and painful fact to me, the fact that my world is so disconnected from hers that even my best efforts might only serve to push her further away. It was not a comfort to think that at the heart of all this, I just did not understand Kaname or her world, that I was an outsider, through and through.

"I'm trying," I choked out, lowering my head a little, and she turned her face to look at me, her nose just inches from my cheek, her warm breath puffing against my skin. "I'm trying to... to know better."

She laughed slightly, returning her head to my shoulder and threading her fingers with mine. "Believe it or not, I can tell."

***

I woke up when the sun was bright in my eyes, finding my butt cold from the cement and my back sore from the way I had slouched in my sleep, one knee pulled up to my chest, the other leg straight out in front of me. I yawned and stretched when I realized I was on Kaname's balcony, that I had fallen asleep at some point during my watch. I sat up quickly when I found Kaname not next to me. I calmed my heart quickly. She probably just got up to go to her bed, or the bathroom, or... my panic increased when I saw a note in her place beside me, folded neatly.

A ransom note? I snatched it up quickly, flipping it open with shaking hands.

Sousuke-
I had to go to an early guidance appointment. There's cereal on the counter and milk in the fridge, you know where the bowls and spoons are, help yourself. I'll see you in homeroom.
-Kaname

I briefly wondered whether someone had forged her writing, but after thoroughly checking the apartment I saw no signs of forced entry or a struggle. I will admit that I was shaken by her absence, however. I didn’t understand how I didn't sense her leave, or hear the door close, or the shower run. This on top of my recent failed attempts at catching the masked man made me seriously question my capabilities. Was I growing soft? Was life as a civilian taking its toll on my skills?

I pondered this on my way to school, wondering also at the recent number and frequency of Kaname’s guidance appointments. Kaname was always an ambitious person, so it made sense that she would be in the career office a lot, but she had already been accepted to Tokyo University, her first choice, and that was all behind her so I hadn’t the slightest clue why she continued to meet with her counselor. Maybe it wasn’t a college thing, maybe it was a family or an emotional thing. Kaname had her share of hard times, she probably had a lot she wanted to get off her chest. For a brief moment the sign from the other day in the office popped into my head…

ARE YOU GAY? IT’S OKAY!

…but I promptly dismissed it. Kaname might be independent and aggressive, but that didn’t make her a lesbian. Besides, lesbians don’t cuddle up to their male friends under the stars. Or do they?

I scoffed, offering Kaname a small smile when I entered homeroom. She was right there where she was supposed to be. She had not been abducted or injured or anything else out of the ordinary. I let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding in and was about to take my seat when I was jerked back by someone grabbing my elbow.

I frowned, looking up to see Noumen had pulled me back into the hallway, and was now standing next to me with his head bent down, his voice hushed.

“Hey, Sagara, right?”

I nodded slowly, not in the mood for intimate conversation with this big shot.

“Listen, I need to ask a favor of you.”

A favor? Yeah sure. Right after I turn Kaname over to the KGB. I merely raised an eyebrow in response.

He smiled, for some reason reading my expression as willingness. “Okay, I know you and Kaname are really good friends.”

Ha! At least we have that clear.

“Anyway, I really have thing for her…”

No way, I had no idea.

“…and I was hoping you could help me out. I know she tells you stuff. I was wondering if you could clue me in as to what kinds of stuff she likes. You know what kind of things I should talk to her about, where she might like to go on dates, all that stuff…”

Whaaaaat? Are you kidding me? Do you even know who you’re talking to? Why the hell would I do something like that? I narrowed my brow, wondering if perhaps my feelings for Kaname weren’t as painfully obvious as I had thought they were. Surely, if Noumen knew that I loved Kaname he wouldn’t be asking me this. “I’m afraid that won’t be possible,” I said flatly.

Noumen looked earnestly confused, and surprised to receive such an answer. “What? How come?”

I sighed, thinking over my words carefully. I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to tell this lothario. He could use the information against me, or against Kaname, or he could just go spread rubbish around the school that would likely make both Kaname and me uncomfortable. It was then, when my eyes trailed to the ground in thought, that I noticed that Noumen was on crutches, and that his right leg had a cast.

I contained my angry accusation, knowing that without any solid evidence it would be useless and that shouting that the star student-athlete of the school had been donning a skeleton mask and chasing the girl I loved around would only make me look foolish. I settled for a firm, angry scowl. “That would be an extreme conflict of interest.”

I turned away from him at that, marching quickly back into homeroom to inform Kaname of my discovery. She had to be careful around Noumen from now on. It all matched up, there was no mistake. I almost laughed at the fact that the previous day I had wished that Noumen would do something to make me demand Kaname keep her distance from him, and now he had done just that. It was almost lucky. Except it was actually rather disturbing. Now I only had to catch him in the act.

I took the seat next to Kaname, leaning over to speak privately to her. Not wanting to just blurt out my findings, I decided to beat around the bush for once. “How was your guidance appointment, Miss Chidori?”

“Oh, it was canceled,” she yawned. “Apparently Mr. Takamori is out sick. I’ll have to reschedule.” I nodded, and apparently I wasn’t good at concealing that I had a secret, because she said “well, you look like a mouse who found the cheese.”

“Miss Chidori, I know who the man in the skeleton mask is.”

“Really?” she said, raising her eyebrows. “Who?”

“Noumen Danko,” I said resolutely.

“What? Oh please, Sousuke, that’s outrageous.”

“No, it isn’t,” I insisted. “Yesterday he left the game just shortly before the masked man appeared, and then he was downtown to see Kazuki and I on the bench, and then he made it back just before I did. Then last night the masked man’s leg was injured in the explosion, I saw him limp away, and today Noumen has a cast on his leg.”

“I heard he broke it when he flew over the handlebars of his bike last night.”

“I think it’s a cover story,” I said. “The timing is just too convenient.”

“I don’t know,” Kaname said quietly, leaning back in her chair. “Danko is really popular, he has girls fawning over him all the time. Why would he need to play in the dirt behind the dugout or sort through my trash? That doesn’t make sense.”

“Misfits need no logic,” I said solemnly. “There will probably never be an explanation for his actions.” She didn’t seem entirely convinced, although I was relieved to see that she was at least considering what I was saying. “Please be cautious around him, Miss Chidori, and make sure to stay on your toes.”

***

That afternoon I sat, rather self-consciously, among a crowd of other students in Mr. Takehana’s room for the philosophical discussion on love I had seen advertised a few days earlier. I had been much too nervous to ask Kaname to come along, and didn’t know anyone else in the room, so I tried my best to blend in. Despite my embarrassment at being there, it seemed to me like I was admitting to having symptoms of love, I was eager to hear what other students and particularly the teacher had to say on the topic. Perhaps if I had some sort of measuring stick of other people’s experience to compare to my own feelings, I could have a better idea of what course of action I should follow.

“Okay!” Mr Takehana said, moving to the front of the room. “I’m glad to see you all here, thank you for taking time away from your after school activities to participate.” He smiled widely, surveying his students of the afternoon. “I always think the concept of love is an important one for young people to discuss, as it is often a prominent factor in your lives… or at least, many of you would like it to be.”

Would like it to be? Love seemed like a harsh, controlling, restraining, frightening condition to me. Why would someone wish for that?

“But,” Mr. Takehana continued, “I find that too often it is misunderstood, or misused. While most people of my age can agree that love is the very thing worth living for, even dying for, if you don’t have very much experience with it, it can be a very frightening prospect indeed. How many friends have you lost because you fought over some boy or girl? How many stupid things have you done because you felt nervous around someone you think you might love? How many stupid things have you said to impress someone you would like to love you back? These feelings between people are like fire… they can warm you and keep your life vibrant, but they can also burn you, if you get too close or you mishandle it.”

I found my mouth had fallen open in amazement. What a perfect analogy! Mr. Takehana was basically verbalizing all the worries I had had since that day I looked love up in the dictionary.

“You might be thinking that love is complex or confusing, or even just annoying because it gets the better of you. Maybe it gets in your way, it’s distracting and intimidating. However, I am confident that in time you will realize that love, whether it’s with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or even the love you have for your family, is one of the only things that will truly satisfy you in life. If you are with someone you love, it is much easier to work through difficulties and hardships, bad times don’t seem as bad, and it is much more possible to find the energy and strength to keep your head held high. Love removes the factor of isolation from our lives, and isolation practically nullifies our existence. If no one loves us, if no one cares whether or not we are here, then what is the point of our living at all? Love gives purpose to the individual.”

I found myself furiously scribbling notes. 1) Love may improve morale. 2) Love may serve as an energy booster. Frex. Adrenaline? 3) Love may provide or clarify mission objectives.

I tuned out of the discussion for several minutes, reading and rereading my new list, feeling a little better already. I will admit that I had been for the most part only considering the drawbacks of the whole love thing, and while I was grateful it was Kaname I had fallen in love with, I still wasn’t entirely excited about the condition itself. Now it seemed like if I acted responsibly, some good might come out of this. Still, the last bit of the definition I had looked up nagged at the back of my mind, and I could afford to push it aside no longer.

7. To thrive on; need.


Without another thought, I raised my hand.

The teacher nodded at me with a smile. “Yes, Mr. Sagara?”

I cleared my throat. “Sir, while the apparent benefits of love are many, I still question its practicality. I can think of many situations in which love would be a disadvantage. Take for example a soldier who falls in love with the girl he is assigned to protect.”

“That’s certainly an ethical dilemma,” Mr. Takehana said, scratching his chin gently. “Well, ceteris paribus, that is, if the soldier and the girl are of the same age and means, and if the girl loves him as well, then the question is a little simpler. In this case, it is obvious that pursuing a relationship with the girl would probably involve either leaving his military career behind completely or at least decreasing his commitment. The important thing to ask himself here would be, what kind of man does he suppose he is?”

I was beginning to sweat. This was extremely confusing and very personal, I felt like everyone in the room must know we were talking about me, that I really should have chosen another analogy. “Sir?” I gulped.

“Well, is he a man of duty, or a man of life?” Mr. Takehana had moved to the window, deep in thought. “Love would only truly be a distraction to this man if his destiny is really a path of war and violence. It is always essential to consider not one’s course at the moment, but the overall course of his life. If a man, by nature, bases his life on love and affection, then the real distraction is his work for the military”

I gawked at that. I had never considered that being involved in Mithril might be the error, that being with Kaname might be the natural way of things. The thought made me feel nauseous, as it basically negated everything I’d ever done since as long as I could remember. Of course the military was my destiny, I was skilled and trained and respected, I had a fulfilling career in front of me. Kaname was the side track, not the other way around.

“In any case, I would advise the soldier to follow his heart. If he truly feels he belongs in the military, then so be it. However, there will always be arms to take up. There will always be causes that need champions. However, this woman, if he’s really in love… well, there’s only one of her.”

I frowned. Mr. Takehana seemed to be leaving out an important consideration. “What about the safety of the woman? Perhaps getting involved with her would endanger or inconvenience her?”

“Well, love has the amazing ability to take us out of the mundane,” Mr. Takehana smiled. “How about the girls in this class? Do you have any opinions to share?” He surveyed the room for a moment before calling on someone in the back. I was eager to hear from a female perspective, and twisted in my chair to see who would be speaking.

“I have a feeling the girl would rather lead a troubled life with the man she loves than a long and redundant one without him.” Kaname said.


I whipped back front, choking on my own breath. Holy shit! How long had she been there? Did she hear the whole thing? My whole example? That’s practically a confession right there! I felt like bolting from the room and never coming back. I wanted to crash my skull against the wall, or drown myself, or at least give myself a few good whacks with her fan… damn that thing always felt like it packed more punch than a paper fan should. What would Kaname think of me? She would probably ask for a new bodyguard now, she would probably think I was just as bad as all the other perverts, using my assigned proximity to her to fulfill my own wishes. She’d probably never trust me again.

The discussion continued around me, but I felt like screaming. It was at that moment that what she actually said began to filter through my brain. “I have a feeling the girl would rather lead a troubled life with the man she loves than a long and redundant one without him.” Was this theoretical? Or was it theoretical in the same way I would theoretically go to the dance with someone in the dress she showed me yesterday? Did she actually mean that… in regards to herself?

I sat back in my chair, needing desperately to process this information before asking any more questions. This would require many more pro/con lists, and probably a confrontation with Kaname. If I knew for sure that she was going through the same thing I was, this entire situation would be so much easier to get under control. At least we could pool our resources and strategize together. I snuck a peek back at Kaname, my heart still thundering in my chest. She was folding something on her desk, a look of cool concentration across her face.

Well gee, I certainly wish I were in the right mind to be making origami.

I turned front again. Maybe it really didn’t mean anything to her. Maybe she was just playing along with the example. Maybe she hadn’t even caught on. Maybe –

Something struck me in the back of the head, and I looked down to see a paper airplane flutter to my feet. I bent over to pick it up, glancing up to see Kaname raise an eyebrow appraisingly at me once before turning back to the teacher.

I struggled to maintain my composure, carefully unfolding the airplane and flattening it out on my desk. It appeared to be a page torn from a book, upon a second glance I saw that Kaname had a philosophy text opened on her desk underneath her elbows. I swallowed heavily, looking back at the dismantled plane.

At the top it had scrawled blue ink in Kaname’s handwriting that read: Sousuke, you’re such an idiot.

I sighed, she really did think less of me now. Well, maybe not, she always called me an idiot, from day one.

I read on. Underneath her message was a printed quote.

What we need to know about loving is no great mystery. We all know what constitutes loving behavior; we need but act upon it, not continually question it. Over-analysis often confuses the issue and in the end brings us no closer to insight. We sometimes become too busy classifying, separating, and examining, to remember that love is easy. It's we who make it complicated.
- Leo Buscaglia

I read the message several times, resisting the urge to look up at her again. She knew. She knew exactly what was going on this whole time. So much for being covert. I picked up my pen with shaking hands, turning the paper over and scrawling hastily, on impulse: Go to the dance with me? Without giving myself another second to chicken out, I folded the airplane back up. Of course, it took quite some time as I made a perfectly scaled replica of a stealth bomber, but soon enough it was finished and I was poised to throw.

I threw it.

And it landed.

Right.

On.

Kazuki’s

Desk.

How I refrained from screaming, I have no idea.

Kaname also looked horrified, knowing the message was meant for her, and leaned forward, snatching for it.

Kazuki on the other hand looked thrilled to be the recipient of a note, and picked it up eagerly.

Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit.

Her fingers pried open the wings, having some difficulty unfolding it because of the complexity of my design. Piece by piece the plane was taken apart… the nose, the cockpit, the thrusters, even the wing flaps… any second now, just a few more folds…

Suddenly the plane was yanked from her hands, causing her to cry out indignantly.

“I’m glad you feel that since your silly question has been answered you can use the rest of the session to throw projectiles, Mr. Sagara.” Mr. Takehana was standing by Kazuki’s desk, glaring at me blandly and crushing the paper into a tiny ball in his fist.

My throat was so dry it took several tries before I could speak. “Please excuse me, sir, I meant no offense.” I don’t think such relief had ever passed over me, and considering how many narrow victories in battle I had experienced, that was really saying something.

Mr. Takehana shook his head exasperatedly, tossing the ball of paper carelessly at me and returning to the head of the class. I caught the ball easily, stuffing it into my mouth without another thought. After a few chews, I had swallowed the whole disaster completely. I was a little sad to lose the quote that Kaname had so thoughtfully picked out, but the risk of the paper falling into Kazuki’s hands was far too great not to destroy the evidence.

I looked back one more time. Kazuki looked positively depressed, and Kaname was biting on her fist, obviously trying to contain laughter. At the sight I chuckled to myself, because when Kaname laughs, I laugh. When Kaname smiles, I smile. It works out, see, because I love Kaname, and for the first time since I found that out, the thought doesn’t completely terrify me.