[FIC] Chapter 05/?? End in Fire 3

HELLFIRE · Post by **HELLFIRE** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 10:24 am

AN: Strong language and controversial situation(s), so I'm putting this
chapter off-site on my page... but then again, that probably makes it
more attractive to everyone.

I do STRONGLY warn EVERYONE about it though, I found it no
laughing matter when I wrote those sections...

// end warning... do enjoy!

Regards

darkbane · Post by **darkbane** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 12:10 pm

uff. i tried reading chapters 3 to 5, it's not that they're bad, but i guess just not my cup of tea. you started off with kaname and souske in 1 and 2, and i expected that continuation, so the radical shift of setting threw me off balance. the rest was, for the parts that i read, well written, but just couldn't interest me, sorry

good work nevertheless

HELLFIRE · Post by **HELLFIRE** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 12:20 pm

@darkbane
Hey, congrats for getting thru the first five chaps!

And yeah, I am
jumping around a bit... this fic's basically, for lack of a more imginative
phrase, FMP! 2nd Stage, or my rendition of it anyways *hehe* Next
chapter's back to ALL Sousuke & Chidori, all the time, so no worries!

Here's a small preview of the next chap, just to whet appetites...

"SO WHAT THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?!?! HUH?!?!"

"Chidori... it's all a coincidence."

"...NGH!!"

...5...4...3...2...

"Wrong answer, Sagara-kun..."

"WHY YOU...!!!" The final straw gone, Chidori's hand made for her halisen, and in a major-league swing, connected it with Sousuke's head. He went down with a solid thump, but Chidori wasn't finished there, jumping onto his prone form to administer a solid beating.

"I'LL GIVE YOU COINCIDENCE, YOU...(whack!)!!"

...Houston, we have lift-off...

"She's in love?"

"Yup." Kyouko and Mizuki looked over at Chidori and Sagara, and what a sight to behold. Chidori, showing no signs of letting up her physical assault on Sagara anytime soon, had run out of Japanese invective to yell at him, and was starting on her American repetoire, all the important four letter ones anyways. Poor Sagara, beaten to a curled up fetal position, was desperately trying to fend off Chidori's halisen, and doing a poor job of it. The sounds the paper fan beating made, coupled with Sagara's uncharacteristically pathetic-sounding pleas of mercy, caught the attention of the entire shopping district.

"Should we stop her?"

"Ummm..."

Post by **Taurec** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 2:33 pm

LMAO

darkbane · Post by **darkbane** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 4:09 pm

now THAT sounds much better

i'll be sure to read the rest when it comes out.

HELLFIRE · Post by **HELLFIRE** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 6:12 pm

I'm maybe 40% done on Chapter 6, so dun hold your breath

largely because I'm covering alot of material in it. How's # 5
though...

Regards

darkbane · Post by **darkbane** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 7:26 pm

by the time i got to 5, i was simply grep'ing (ok, ctrl-finding) it for the words 'kaname chidori and sagara souske', so i didn't read much of that chapter except the unfortunate, uhm, as you called it - 'questionable' - scene (hey, it did show up on find. heh). which imho was a bit OOC, senators don't do that i hope not. lol. but, being russian, i'm glad that you do not succumb to stereotypes and do not try to portrait the americans as saints.

HELLFIRE · Post by **HELLFIRE** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 11:33 pm

darkbane wrote:senators don't do that i hope not. lol. but, being russian, i'm glad that you do not succumb to stereotypes and do not try to portrait the americans as saints.

Well, trying NOT to set up anyone as a stereotype here... Both sides
of this story I'm trying to put a few jerks and a$$holes into the mix.
I've read quite a few military thriller novels that, after a couple reads,
the 'bad guys' are just carbon-copies of of each other.

...I will admit that you can find the fund for a certain character's painful
death on the way out the door

Regards

darkbane · Post by **darkbane** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 11:45 pm

HELLFIRE wrote: ...I will admit that you can find the fund for a certain character's painful
death on the way out the door

uff. that just confused me. don't get what you mean. maybe i should read it again

Katyusha · Post by **Katyusha** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 12:20 pm

darkbane wrote:but, being russian, i'm glad that you do not succumb to stereotypes and do not try to portrait the americans as saints.

I believe it was 'ole Nikky who said "Politicians are the same everywhere. They try to build bridges where there are no rivers."

HELLFRE- I'll spare you the grammar and spelling corrections. I'll go through it again to see if there's anything else I might find screwy with it.

darkbane · Post by **darkbane** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 3:09 pm

yea politics sure is some dirty business huh

HELLFIRE · Post by **HELLFIRE** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 11:48 pm

Katyusha wrote:HELLFRE- I'll spare you the grammar and spelling corrections. I'll go through it again to see if there's anything else I might find screwy with it.

That's the Katyusha I know and love... I hereby anoint you beta
reader, spelling and grammar checker. Chidori, will you do the
honors?

// Chidori, STRIKE DOWN THE THIRD LANE ATTACK!!!

Regards