.o.o.o.o.
It has come to my attention that several reviewers have described this chapter as confusing. And I am not sure if this confusion has a severe impact on the reader's understanding of the chapter - this if my first fic.
So, in order to make this chapter less confusing for you, please keep in mind that it is written completely from Chidori's point of view. The purpose of it is to give you a sense of what it must feel like being a Whispered and not understand the power that you have. It is meant to be confusing in order to relate to Chidori, but not so that you are completely lost as far as the plot goes. The information given in this chapter is limited since it is Chidori's point of view; as the title suggests, this is her story. Please keep in mind that she is a civilian on a secret base, there is only so much information she is privy to; and since this chapter is about her, you as the reader, know only as much as she does.
You are completely in Kaname's shoes for this one ^^; I hope that this little note helps out a little bit more while reading -miz
.o.o.o.o.
Disclaimer: Full Metal Panic doesn't belong to me, it belongs to ADV films, Gonzo Digimation and Shouji Gatou. And I can't steal *pouts* stealing is bad. There is quoting and imagery from the series, I do not take credit for the original nature of those.
Special thanks to Tsushima Masaki for urging me to post.
"For some reason, I kind of understand this. ~ FullMetal Panic* Episode 7
Chidori's gaze encompassed the room as she made out the intent faces. The unfamiliar expressions began to blur and nearly swirl around her. Her body felt heavy, tired and strained. The single day's events were catching up with her.
"Final Whispered?" her own voice was small.
She felt almost… fearful?
Why? It perplexed her. What did she have to be afraid of? No. I have to be strong.
Her eyes trained on the empty container, the eye blinders hanging to the left of it. She remembered the first time she saw the words, how they had circled around her and seemingly tossed her about. They almost physically pressed on her mind until she could take it no more. The swing of her fist to hit the glass faded into her swinging her head into a tree to come back to her senses. The cold feeling invaded her again as she felt she was falling backward in synchronization with the submarine, landing in a placid stream without a splash.
Quickly blinking to bring herself back to reality and out of her thoughts, she reinforced her newly-found voice. "What does that have to do with me?"
She listened as the words left her mouth. They sounded harsher than she intended, but she was irritated and portrayed this with extra rigidity of her posture.
She made stern eye contact with the first uniformed figure on which her eyes fell. Kalinin stood proud and central in the room as he trained his eyes on her. He couldn’t help but notice her features and the wild look in her eye. "Miss Chidori, may I have a word with you?"
Chidori was taken aback. He wanted to have a conversation with her. But about what? She shook the doubts from her mind and let curiosity fuel her forward movement to follow him; all of a sudden her feet felt like lead. She proceeded to follow him through the various winding corridors, beginning to appreciate the sheer size of the secret facility.
"So much secrecy…" the tacit voice teased her ear in a fleeting, barely audible tone.
As they entered a secluded room with a single screen spread across the walls, Chidori hid her fear and addressed the voice. "Why… why do you want to speak with me?"
"The situation was too much for you. I offered conversation so we could leave the room, to give you a minute to recompose yourself."
She hadn't realized she had questioned the voice out loud. Chidori was not startled by an answer, but rather by the voice that delivered it. It was gentle, like that of a father. As she realized it was Kalinin who spoke, she was amazed that it sharply contrasted his rigid performance just seconds ago in front of the Captain, but comforted by that fact that it sharply contrasted the cold, shapeless voice.
She actively concentrated on returning her attention to him. "H-How did you know?"
Hadn't she hid it? Caught the fear before she was able to show her weakness and replaced it with a strong front, like always. Had she been that preoccupied with the voice?
"I recognized the look in your eyes." He continued to look at the screen intently.
Chidori was confused. Kalinin hadn't turned his eyes from the screen since they had left the main room.
My eyes?
She realized then that he was talking about the instance before she had made eye contact with him earlier in the crowded room, when the faces began to spin around her, and not about her actions just now. The voice was confusing her. Or maybe she was just tired.
Hallucinations are all I need right now.
Kalinin continued. "They looked very much like Sousuke's eyes when I first met him."
She stiffened visibly and caught herself mid-step backwards. S-Sousuke? The answer truly caught her off-guard. She was like Sousuke? The thought did nothing to sober her as her emotions tumbled.
Melissa smiled. "He's just as alone as you are." She followed Chidori's gaze back to Sousuke. "You two are more alike than you think."
…more alike than you think.
First Melissa, then Kalinin. Could everyone see it? Could everyone see through her?
…could he?
She nearly gasped as her hand instinctively rose to her heart.
She had promised herself that Sousuke would never have to know. She never thought about if he already did.
He can't know about my feelings.
"So you will lie?" The voice laughed in reply. The deep, patronizing tone twisted her words.
"You are one of the Whispered." The Commander's obvious declaration cut into her internal dialogue. "There are few of them that exist in the world."
Chidori fought to forget the voice and take his words in instead.
She had been described as unique, special, a Whispered. She sighed as she reached the conclusion that those adjectives all meant the same thing; were simply another way of stating the obvious.
"I've heard all this before." She sounded defeated. "It doesn't mean anything to me." She wanted answers.
She realized she didn't feel as strange in this room as she had elsewhere on the base. This room might hold her answers, or maybe even explain to her these visions and voices. Maybe something in this very room could explain to her her fears.
No. It's not fear. She lectured herself.
"Indeed." Kalinin clicked the screen, interrupting her thoughts. "I'm afraid that’s all I can tell you." The tapping keys danced between his words.
Chidori began to wonder if he was taunting her.
No, he brought you in here as a favor. He never promised an explanation, as much as she longed for one. She didn't enjoy the uncertainty she felt.
Besides there was no way Kalinin could know what she was thinking. In an effort to convince herself of that, she remembered that Kalinin was actually one of the Mithril members working on the research for the Whispered. Maybe he himself didn't quite know the answer.
However, he headed up the research and was probably the most qualified individual to ask; or the most qualified individual a civilian could come near enough to ask. Now she had his full attention and this opportunity may not come up again.
Chidori realized that this was her only chance for answers, but she hadn't noticed Kalinin's silenced keying; "Why am I here?" she urgently asked. "I-" he interrupted her.
"Further instructions are to get some rest for the night." His stern command replaced that paternal tone she had heard earlier. "Be sure you have your bodyguard with you."
.o.o.o.o.
Sousuke's shadow was outlined by the moonlight as they walked toward the barracks. He continued at a quickened pace while Chidori lagged behind a couple of steps. What had started out as a few steps behind had stretched to six or seven as they neared their destination.
Sousuke took notice. "You look tired, Chidori."
Boy, was she ever. She was hoping that her visit to Melida Island would bring her some answers. Instead, every experience during her time here only seemed to bring more questions. She ran a hand through her hair.
"Exhausted." Chidori answered truthfully. A group of soldiers jogged past her in formation. Wherever they were going, they sure were in a hurry. She was curious as to the constant activity of the Mithril members on the island.
Why couldn't she just ask Sousuke about it? She hesitated, but finally decided that he was the next reliable source and gathered her courage. "Sousuke?"
"Yes?" He didn’t turn, but continued walking at his quick pace… like he's on a mission.
"Are you on some kind of mission or something?" Chidori joked, taking his arm as she chuckled with an almost forceful tug, an effective means of stopping him in his tracks. She wanted to ask him her question without distraction… especially since she couldn't seem to get any kind of answers today.
As his eyes came to meet hers he gave his answer in his characteristically monotone voice. "Yes."
Did Sousuke just continue a… joke? Her light laughter filled the air as Sousuke watched evenly.
"S-Sousuke," she held her sides. His answer itself wasn't so funny… it was the simple fact that he had attempted to be humorous, even while everything else about him contradicted it. "I want to ask you a question. Come on, be serious."
"I am." She felt the cold wind hit her cheeks.
"Y-you have a new mission?"
A curt nod her reply, his posture remained rigid within the uniform as he scanned for uniformed shadows nearby.
Chidori's heart screamed.
Her mind flooded immediately with memories of when they were caught in the forest. He told her he would be assigned another mission; would leave her and her school. Would he leave? Just like he did when he went back to his homeland. It’s true that he returned… but to return the way he did… silent. Serious. Changed. Chidori's emotions paralyzed her. That time, they had survived. What if he had not returned? He almost didn't on the de Danaan. His life was in great danger then… she was able to help then, she didn't understand or remember how exactly, but she had. Could she help now?
Trying to keep things in perspective she harshly reprimanded herself. He doesn’t need my help. Especially when I don't know what I am doing.
The gentle hum of whispers filled her ears with the single question surfacing.
"Or are you afraid?"
Afraid of what? She snapped angrily at the voice. She was not afraid but her shaky hands told her otherwise.
No answer.
"Chidori." She blinked. "Chidori?"
She forced her eyes up and felt her clenched fists. She hadn't realized how nervous and tense she had become as the thoughts raced through her mind. She relaxed her posture allowing the circulation to return to her hands.
Broken from her concentration and feeling the anger leave her body, her mind cleared and the night's events started to make sense. Kalinin's sudden orders to rush her off, insistence that she have her bodyguard, who seemed in a hurry to get her to her barrack, and the Mithril agents rushing by.
"What is your new mission?" She chided herself as soon as the words left her mouth.
He can’t tell you.
"Classified."
Predictable. She really had to break that bad habit of speaking before she fully thought things out.
"Or maybe he chooses not to tell you. After all, he shouldn't tell you he has a new mission either."
She couldn't make out for sure if the voice had spoken or not but ignored it and trained her eyes on Sousuke.
"And I will be here?" she questioned further.
"Affirmative."
One-word answers were all she was going to get when it came to his duty… when it came to communicating with him in general. She sighed. Everything was clothed in secrecy.
Why can't I understand anything? She would not allow the words to leave her mouth, but replaced them with a goodnight to Sousuke as her door closed.
"Because you are not strong." The voice taunted. "You will never be strong enough."
.o.o.o.o.
Control room lights blinked as an urgent voice crackled over the radio phased out by the incessant static.
"Sir… oppo… re… ment."
How did I get in here?
"Come in, Sergeant Weber." Mardukas' voice was over to the right… or was it to the left?
An explosion lit the room as various buttons began to light in alternating patterns slowly absorbed by a red glow.
What's going on!?
A headache. A massive headache. Chidori gritted her teeth, clenching them to transfer some of the pressure as her hands acted as a vice on her head. Her body felt like it was suddenly tossed forward and she felt a sinking feeling in her chest, like she had suddenly fallen after leaving her body.
"Will you not say anything?" The voice taunted.
Not say anything? What can I say? She struggled trying to encourage herself in the confusion of blaring sirens and flashing lights heightening her headache. I don't understand. I don't understand anything.
The pressure was still building. Be strong. She chanted continually to herself as she fought for consciousness.
"If you are strong you will speak."
The hissing tone dripped with venom at her forced silence. "You are afraid," it scoffed.
Her eyes tore up to the screen and went wide as she felt the color leave her face. The image wasn't clear, all she could make out were blurs. She felt lost, was unsure of everything but one thing.
"You know you can save him, yet you don't."
The voice would not win.
A final push. "You will never be strong enough."
Her heart raced in her ears as the voice pierced through the screaming sirens; seemingly piercing through her soul.
"If you are strong you will speak."
"F-for some reason," Her sentence was not fluid, but interrupted by her accelerated breathing as her eyes raced to decode the images on the screen, "I kind of understand-d this." Her own voice sounded foreign to her ears, but she had won against the voice.
"What is it?" Kalinin's stern voice commanded more than questioned.
Chidori's eyes lingered on the screen. "It's… It's… Sou…" Undisturbed waters resurfaced all around her, the low glow of the green pool reflecting shards of broken light off her skin. Slowly the liquid swallowed her, pulling her downward as she looked at the tinted surface and reached a hand toward the light; toward the faint vision of his face. She could make out the shadow in the light a little more clearly now, his face surrounding the form, his hand extending toward her in time with the hand she had seen before in her vision.
"Come home."
Shadows started to blur the corners of her vision as she watched her hand fall limp and the sea consumed her. A vision of shattered glass falling into darkness.
What is it?
Chidori suddenly sat up in her bed awakening from the nightmare. Her initial breath was sharp, followed by uneven heaves as the night air rushed to cool her heated skin not encircled by the sheets that she had twisted tightly around herself. Her skin prickled as if the shards of glass were raining down on her. She grasped her hair; her fingers trembled holding the damp tresses.
The voice didn't falter. "Don't you see? It's just as I said before. It's part of you."
