as yet untitled

Shewolf of Ga · Post by **Shewolf of Ga** » Fri Sep 30, 2005 2:11 pm

Ok guys, here's a bit of my first ever FMP fanfic. Kindly don't flame the Wolfie. If ya want more, ya got to let me know, 'k?

So much blood.

Rocking back on his heels, Michel wiped his hands on the thighs of his blood-soaked khakis and sighed. He’d bound Sousuke’s wounds as best he could, but he was no field surgeon. He wasn’t even a soldier, really, and he’d been unable to completely staunch the determined egress of the younger man’s lifeblood from his body. It was as if Sousuke had given up, given in to pain, fatigue, and sorrow, and chosen to exit his existence rather than face another fruitless day.

Michel sighed. Nami was gone, and now it seemed that Sousuke was going to follow suit. The though of losing another comrade, and of being left alone in this godforsaken place, made him wonder if death weren’t preferable after all. It would have been easier for everyone if Kurama had come back to finish the job.

Doubts and uncertainties swirling in his mind like storm clouds before a rain, he picked up Sousuke’s fallen sidearm and closed his eyes, resting the barrel against his temple.

“So you’re taking the easy way out.”

Startled, Michel dropped the gun and shot to his feet. A nondescript young Asian woman in combat fatigues was standing over him, a wry smile twisting her features. She turned her back to Michel and knelt by Sousuke’s prone form, checked for a pulse, and then began to rummage through the duffel bag slung over her right shoulder.

“Um, you are?...” Michel stammered.

“You can call me Wraith,” she replied.

Weltall Elite · Post by **Weltall Elite** » Fri Sep 30, 2005 2:38 pm

It's not too bad for a start, but if this is going to be a series, you should really have longer chapters before releasing them. Don't get into the habit of putting out each individual scene as a chapter. I try to release mine at around 3000 words or so. But that's not etched in stone anywhere.

The though of losing another comrade

I think that's "thought".

Otherwise, I have no complaints. We don't get to read too much about Wraith, so I'm curious to see what role she'll play in this.

darkbane · Post by **darkbane** » Fri Sep 30, 2005 2:41 pm

Yeay.

spelling: though != thought

Granted we don't know much about Michel, but we do know that he's an undercover operative for a French organization, so that makes his thought process here rather strange imho.

Wraith is back in action! Damn, the bitch didn't die yet. I hope there's a plausible in-character reason as to why she bothers to come here to presumably help Sousuke. Maybe she's disappointed that she has failed to protect Kaname after all? (I'm not sure about what she was thinking at the end of COMO, so this might be just me talking out of my back orifice.)

This tasty morsel of a story was rather short but I guess it's just a teaser. So, now we have two post-BOMF stories running in parallel. Sweet. Keep it up!

Shewolf of Ga · Post by **Shewolf of Ga** » Fri Sep 30, 2005 2:42 pm

Advice well taken. I just write kinds slow because of my crazy life. Two kids, two dogs, one husband, a full time job, and a crush on Sousuke. Wraith has a lot to do wtih this one. I deciced to give her some fanservice.

Post by **Taurec** » Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:19 pm

Not bad .... almost expected the .... Bond, James Bond answer...

Shewolf of Ga · Post by **Shewolf of Ga** » Fri Sep 30, 2005 9:51 pm

I thought Michel was a reporter. I haven't read BOMF yet, as I can't read Japanese. Sorry about the typos too. I have a lot of pending free time this weekend, so I'll try to add something interesting to what I posted earlier.

darkbane · Post by **darkbane** » Fri Sep 30, 2005 10:04 pm

Shewolf of Ga wrote:I thought Michel was a reporter. I haven't read BOMF yet, as I can't read Japanese. Sorry about the typos too. I have a lot of pending free time this weekend, so I'll try to add something interesting to what I posted earlier.

It's all in the spoilers ^_^.

HELLFIRE · Post by **HELLFIRE** » Fri Sep 30, 2005 10:48 pm

Shewolf of Ga wrote:Advice well taken. I just write kinds slow because of my crazy life. Two kids, two dogs, one husband, a full time job, and a crush on Sousuke. Wraith has a lot to do wtih this one. I deciced to give her some fanservice.

...there IS the Sousuke fanclub ya know

Umm, some Author's / Backstory notes for those of us who haven't read
the novels yet? And a Wraith storyline'd be VERY interesting. What thoughts
go thru the Silent Sentinel's mind? How does she truely feel about playing
first fiddle to Sousuke? etc, etc, etc...

Keep it up Shewolf! No worries of flames from this side of the gallery...
euh, I'll let ya live this time about the length since you're new to this

Regards

KashimArbalestAS · Post by **KashimArbalestAS** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 12:41 am

I encourage you on making this into a series. If it does, Wraith or Michel will be the main protagonists? It would be interesting either way. While I was reading this, it shocked me with Sousuke dead. A Full Metal Panic! fanfic that completely took me by surprise. Since we can't imagine Full Metal Panic! without Sousuke, this should be interesting. Seems there will be something with Wraith looking for Kaname? Also to note for later use, Wraith would usually disguise her true form, especially when/if on a rescue mission.

darkbane · Post by **darkbane** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 2:22 am

KashimArbalestAS wrote:I encourage you on making this into a series. If it does, Wraith or Michel will be the main protagonists? It would be interesting either way. While I was reading this, it shocked me with Sousuke dead. A Full Metal Panic! fanfic that completely took me by surprise. Since we can't imagine Full Metal Panic! without Sousuke, this should be interesting. Seems there will be something with Wraith looking for Kaname? Also to note for later use, Wraith would usually disguise her true form, especially when/if on a rescue mission.

I think you're jumping to conclusions here, by no means is it evident that he has died. While I can not know what Shewolf intends to do with this, the only thing that I can deduct from the text is that Sousuke is likely in critical condition.

KashimArbalestAS · Post by **KashimArbalestAS** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 2:28 am

It's only how I see it.
This seems to gear toward Sousuke giving up his will to live.

"Rocking back on his heels, Michel wiped his hands on the thighs of his blood-soaked khakis and sighed. He’d bound Sousuke’s wounds as best he could, but he was no field surgeon. He wasn’t even a soldier, really, and he’d been unable to completely staunch the determined egress of the younger man’s lifeblood from his body. It was as if Sousuke had given up, given in to pain, fatigue, and sorrow, and chosen to exit his existence rather than face another fruitless day."

But then this implies that he's not dead...

"Michel sighed. Nami was gone, and now it seemed that Sousuke was going to follow suit. The though of losing another comrade, and of being left alone in this godforsaken place, made him wonder if death weren’t preferable after all. It would have been easier for everyone if Kurama had come back to finish the job."

Shewolf of Ga · Post by **Shewolf of Ga** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 4:19 pm

Hi guys. I am planning on a series with this one. It's goign to take me forever to finish, but I think it'll be worth the wait. Hope so, anyway. Here's a small spoiler Sousuke isn't dead - I like him too much to kill him off, and Wraith will be up to her old tricks as soon I as can hide from my family long enough to write them. I wasn't going to keep Michel in focus for very long, but I think I've changed my mind.

KashimArbalestAS · Post by **KashimArbalestAS** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 8:12 pm

So then Full Metal Panic!'s main hero is still alive. Though it seems in your fanfiction that he's changed? We'll see more about it I guess in future releases.

Weltall Elite · Post by **Weltall Elite** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 8:25 pm

Always jumping to conclusions. :p People have their ups and downs. And Sousuke tends to sway from determined to not caring about life pretty frequently. Personally, I don't see Sousuke giving up while Kaname is still out there. Especially since he promised her he'd go after her. I can't imagine him losing his will to live until after he's done that.

Still, I can't judge that until Sousuke has a chance to explain why he feels that way.

darkbane · Post by **darkbane** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 10:49 pm

Weltall Elite wrote:Still, I can't judge that until Sousuke has a chance to explain why he feels that way.

For which we need him to be conscious... Hang in there, Sousuke!