[FIC] Dazed and Confused - Chapter 2

[Ariane]

Dazed and Confused Chapter 2

I rolled my shoulders gently, finding it more difficult than usual to focus in calculus class due to the kinks in all of my muscles. I had been too worried the previous night to go home or fall asleep in the hallway, so I had been crouched there until morning, when Kaname found me and shooed me away. Now, I was trying desperately to stay awake and pay attention in class, but I found my thoughts straying more than I could control.

I was still trying to avoid thinking about that last bit of the definition I looked up, but the words kept popping into my head. I heard them in random bits of conversation between my classmates, they rolled around in my head like marbles, and once I looked up and swore I saw them scrawled on the chalkboard, at least until I squinted and the letters rearranged themselves into their original integral equations.

Still…

7. To thrive on; need.

I scowled, frustrated with my inability to dismiss those four, irritating words. Did they really apply to me? It was always dangerous to have more requirements to function than necessary. Did that make Kaname a liability? Well, of course she was, the very nature of my assignment to protect her made her a liability, but was she even more of one than I had originally expected?

I tried to think of something else, and then, just as I was starting on a mental inventory of my personal arsenal, my eyes strayed to the note sheet of the girl sitting next to me. This reminded me of my current location, and I was about to resume taking my own notes when I saw a strange symbol in the corner of her paper. It was a little heart with letters in the middle. The most peculiar thing about this was that the letters were arranged like an elementary math equation.

“SS plus KN equals TL…” I mumbled, realizing I’d done that aloud only when the girl squeaked and clapped her hands down over the symbol. I glanced up apologetically and noticed she was dramatically flushed. Well, that couldn’t be healthy.

“Kazuki…” I whispered, glad not to be noticed by the teacher. ‘Kazuki’… I’m pretty sure that was her name. “Are you alright?”

Her eyes widened, and she turned even more red, if that were possible. She glanced to the front of the room briefly before turning back to me hesitantly. “Sousuke, we’ve been sitting next to each other all year.” She lowered her tone. “You can call me Naoko.”

Riiiiiiight. And then you can pilot my M9 and we’ll all go out for ice cream.

I nodded. “Of course, Kazuki.”

She seemed confused, especially when I asked: “Kazuki, if you don’t mind my asking, what were you doodling on your notes? Was it something the professor said? I must have missed it.”

Her gaze turned incredulous, much to my bafflement. Was I saying something strange? I thought she was being the strange one. She didn’t say anything for a few moments, but soon seemed to come to some mental conclusion. She moved her hands from the paper slowly, sliding to the edge of her desk so I could see better.

It was just as puzzling as it was before. Maybe it meant something if you looked closer. I leaned across the aisle to her desk, furrowing my brows in thought.

“Mr. Sagara!”

I quickly sat up straight, folding my hands on my desk dutifully. “Yes! Sir!”

“Something exciting going on at Miss Kazuki’s desk?”

“Actually,” I nodded slightly. “I think I may have a hole in my notes, sir. Could you please explain the variables S, K, N, T, and L again? I am only accustomed to x, y, and occasionally n on a normal basis, although I have used others under particular circumstances.”

The professor fixed me with a quizzical stare. “S? K? What are you talking about? We’re doing integrals, Mr. Sagara, integrals. Functions. F.”
I was at a loss, more confused than ever. Where was she getting those variables from? And what was the heart about? Was it some kind of ven diagram? I faltered when the majority of the class turned to look at me. Was Kazuki the only one who knew what the variables meant? I noticed that Kaname had not moved from her position in her chair, leaning on one elbow. She didn’t seem surprised by my question; maybe she could answer it later.

I shrugged slightly. “Of course, F, Professor. I understand now. Please excuse my question.”

The professor shook his head and returned to his place at the board. I sighed and relaxed into my chair slightly, my eyes flickering back to Kaname, who was focused as usual, rapidly scribbling in her notepad. Her hair fell over one of her shoulders, and the light from the window next to her made it shimmer when she moved her head, it was like -
“Pssst! Pssst!”

It was Kazuki, trying to get my attention. I didn’t really feel like interacting with her; she was confusing me, and Kaname was… well, she was… beautiful. Spending calculus just looking at her was a very pleasant thing to do.

Overall, I wasn’t sure how I felt about this being in love thing, but I will admit that if I had to be in love with someone, I would want it to be Kaname. She seemed like an ideal candidate. She had paused in her note taking to straighten her socks, since they were sliding down those smooth calves that-

“Pssst! Pssst!”

Oh, shut up!

I tried not to pay attention to Kazuki, rather absorbed with the way Kaname’s slender fingers tugged at her socks, the way she-
“Sousuke…”

Cut it out!

I turned to Kazuki, fixing her with a blank, neutral stare. I was good at that.

“Yes, Kazuki?”

But, she didn’t even say anything; she just smiled and giggled, turning back to face the front.

Hey, excuse me, you interrupted my Kaname watching time. You can’t just giggle. Say something important.

“Kazuki,” I said evenly, “what is it?”

My inquiry was met only with more giggles. This kind of behavior truly perplexed me. It is dangerous to call someone’s attention if that attention is not required. Not only does it disrupt that person from executing whatever their current maneuver is, it also breaks trust among ranks, and your requests might be ignored in the future. Which was my plan should I be psssted again at any point in the period.

Although, really, that had nothing to do with danger and everything to do with the fact that Kaname was now smiling at something Kyouko had whispered to her. My annoyance with Kazuki was forgotten immediately, and I felt some of the tension slip from my shoulders. Kaname’s smile was very powerful. The simple way her lips turned up at the corners and the light in her eyes got just a little brighter always set me at ease, even if I was the brunt of her teasing… which was most of the time.

Well, now that I think of it… it was very rarely that Kaname ever smiled because of something I said unless I said something abnormal or moronic that made her laugh. This troubled me, as I really never said things like that on purpose and would much rather have the ability to make Kaname smile voluntarily. I wish I knew what to say. I wonder if there is somewhere I can find out, or if it is really a trial-and-error kind of thing. Maybe I should keep logs. But, wouldn’t she notice that? Maybe mental logs later transcribed…

A student entered the classroom and handed the teacher a slip of paper which he then read to himself and looked up.

“Miss Chidori, your guidance counselor would like to see you.”

I cocked my head slightly, always suspicious when Kaname was called out of class. Maybe it was the guidance counselor, or maybe it was a slave trader from the black market specializing in cute girls with unnatural psychic abilities. I watched closely as Kaname gathered her things and left the room. She didn’t seem unsettled at all. I turned to the clock, impatiently waiting a good minute before straightening in my seat and-

“Psssst!”

I exhaled slowly. No need to get mad. She was just doing that thing that girls do. Normal girl protocol. She wasn’t trying to delay my pursuit of Kaname on purpose.

“Pssst!”

I snapped, turning abruptly and fixing Kazuki with a cold, hard glare much more intense than I intended, for she visibly cowered. I sighed, but I didn’t bother wasting time feeling sorry. I turned back to the front and raised my hand, quickly requesting lavatory privileges.

Upon being granted such, I hurried from the classroom and towards the guidance office breaking the ‘no running’ rule by a long shot. Finally, I flung open the office door, casting around for any villains.

I was met with only the startled looks of the secretaries, and I quickly realized how… well… ridiculous I must look, poised in a defensive stance, panting, and looking around like a fugitive. I quickly shrugged with a smile, whistling a little as I meandered over to a display on top of a bookcase.

I still felt the eyes of all the women in the room on me, and shuffled my feet a bit. Finally, I turned to the nearest secretary and said: “ah, excuse my abrupt intrusion, Ma’am. I just heard about this new display and rushed to see it. I find I can relate to it on a personal level.”

The woman squinted at me, her gaze slowly moving from myself to the display, then looking back and blinking.

I smiled nervously. What was that look about? Didn’t they want students to show an interest in guidance affairs? Careers and the like? “That is,” I coughed, “I mean I can really relate. It’s a fascinating topic…” I turned back to the display, finally taking the time to read the header.

DEALING WITH HOMOSEXUALITY. ARE YOU GAY? IT’S OKAY!

I stepped back quickly. “Ah… I have this friend, I mean… he is… and I… no, not I… I mean not with him… I mean…”

“Sousuke?”

Ah, saved by Kaname. I could just kiss her.

Hee hee…

She had just emerged from her counselor’s office and seemed surprised to see me. I don’t understand that, to be honest. When was the last time I wasn’t a step behind her? She smiled curiously at me, and my thoughts stopped. Okay, maybe repetition doesn’t always kill surprise. She could smile at me a million times, and I don’t think my reaction would ever be less vibrant.

“Good afternoon, Miss Chidori, funny seeing you here.”

“Yeah…” she said slowly, glancing at the display. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

“Yes!” I nearly shouted.

So many things! Maybe if I tell you then this whole love thing will stop festering, stop weighing me down, stop making me feel like the whole world is electrified, stop making me hope for you to look in my direction and then wish you’ll look away because maybe you’ll know… also, did you know a masked figure was-

Her eyes widened, and she leaned closer. My jaw tensed. Maybe I really should tell her, because this constant sensory overload was really taking its toll on my body. When she spoke, her breath puffed against my face and the way her voice was so low, like a whisper, I thought I was going to-

“Really?”

“Uh… what?” I looked back at the display. “Oh! No! Nothing like that.”

That was the last thing I needed. In fact, that was the complete opposite of what I needed her to think.

She laughed, but she seemed almost relieved. Shaking her head, she left the office, and I trailed behind her. I was kind of expecting her to tell me why she’d been called out of class once we got out into the hall, but we walked quite a ways and she said nothing.

Eventually I cleared my throat, quickening my stride to walk next to her. “So… what was that about?”

“Nothing that would worry you,” she said absently.

“Are you sure?” I said quickly. “I… tend to worry about a lot of things.”

She looked surprised, maybe at that I was being so frank about the nature of my attention towards her. Well, if I really wanted to tell her how I felt, I guess I could start by being honest about less important matters.

I almost laughed at that. Less important matters? Worrying about Kaname was less important than telling her how she made me feel? No, certainly not. I had to do more thinking about this. I had to keep my priorities in order. Kaname’s safety always comes first.

“Yeah you do…” she smiled. Smiled.

I already talked about her smile, didn’t I?

“But I promise,” she continued, “It was just your average guidance counselor stuff. It would bore you.”

I suspected that it wouldn’t bore me, but she didn’t seem keen to tell me more, and I didn’t want to pry if it really had nothing to do with her protection. I was about to follow her back into the classroom when she reminded me that I should enter a few minutes after she did if I didn’t want to raise suspicions.

Of course. Man, I’m really off the ball today.

I leaned against the wall of the corridor, checking my watch occasionally, when a poster with glittery red letters caught my attention.

WHAT IS LOVE?

COME TO MR. TAKEHANA’S PHILOSOPHY CLASS’S SPECIAL OPEN SEMINAR TO DISCUSS THE MYSTERIES AND PHILOSOPHICAL QUANDARIES OF THAT MANY SPLENDORED THING!

Philosophical quandaries, eh? I’d definitely agree with that statement! I quickly scribbled down the information on a scrap of paper in my pocket, hopeful that I could discover some answers among scholars of the topic. I didn’t even know it was an educational subject! But then, with all its complexities, it seemed perfectly valid to be classified to be such, maybe even a science! Or an art! Or, maybe it should be under medical disorders… ailments?

My mind filled with these puzzling thoughts, I finally entered the room.

“Ah, Mr. Sagara, an awfully long time in the bathroom, wouldn’t you think?”

“Sir!” I nodded, practically clicking my heels. It was an auto-response to inquiries from authority figures; I was still trying to break myself of it. It seemed he wanted an explanation. “Um… duty calls?” Not a lie, but certainly a more foul pun than I wanted to express.

He squinted. Then, he shook his head, motioning towards the class. “Take your seat, Sagara. We’re on page 328.”




A/N-
Thanks to Weltall Elite, darkbane, HELLFIRE, and tulip baroo for their comments on the last chapter!

[HELLFIRE]

I'd almost've put money down to see Sousuke ask the prof about
how the equation SS + KN = TL fits in with integrals... and how Kazuki Naoko'd
take THAT public dressing down

...you'd think after so long on school most girls'd be wary about expressing
ANY sort of sentiment (especially romantic ones) towards Sousuke

Keep it up Ariane!

















Regards

[darkbane]

. . . and Sagara and co. descend into kindergarden romance ^_^;. Heh. Oh, to be in highschool again . . .

[Ariane]

Yeah, I was definitely in highschool when I wrote that! *buffs College ID*

Good point H, about harboring romantic feelings for Sousuke... Naoko is not the brightest...

[Weltall Elite]

Good point H, about harboring romantic feelings for Sousuke... Naoko is not the brightest...

But then, that wouldn't say much for Kaname either.

[Ariane]

At least Kaname knows the reason for his actions. Naoko has no idea why he continual blows parts of the school up.

[Weltall Elite]

She probably just thinks it's cute.

[Ariane]

In which case I stick by my statement that she is not the brightest.

[Weltall Elite]

You know... Kaname was kind of fond of him before she knew about him too. And then there was that one girl who was one of the smartest and prettiest in the school.

But then, I'm probably fighting an uphill battle trying to justify women actually liking him. The guy IS a walking disaster. And despite his good looks, he's hardly the smoothest talker.

Don't get me wrong. He's got his perks, so I can see why some girls might be intrigued by him. But at the end of the day, he's so unstable that Kaname may be the only girl who can handle him and keep him under control.

PS: Down with the Sousuke/Kazuki pairing!

[Ariane]

Haha... I didn't even know there was a Sousuke/Kazuki pairing! But then... people in this fandom find ways to ship pairings that have even less to go on... *cough*

I always wonder though, when people say that Kaname was one of the most popular girls in the school. What standards are they going by? Everyone thinks she is awesome, but no one has the courage to talk to her... so it's kind of a big circle.

[Weltall Elite]

Well, one translation says that she's the prettiest girl that no one would want for a girlfriend. So I guess the idea is that she's so over the top that people think she's too much of a handful. But... there have been plenty who've tried only to be shot down. So it's not like NO ONE wants her for a girlfriend.

[Ariane]

Haha yeah, but she shot them down because it never would have worked out. Those spineless worms could never handle her!

[Tulip Baroo]

I think part of Sousuke's appeal (and he appeals to me ) is within the anime a lot of the males are very- erm, not sure how to say it, but flirty like Kurz, probably quite immature in a lot of women's eyes. Whereas Sousuke is (on the outside at least!) very mature. And even though he blows things up they know its because he's trying to protect Kaname/ the school. When Tessa came to stay and Kaname saw the way he was protecting her she got jealous, so she obviously thinks of him as a bit of a hero for her!

I think Kaname also likes him because she can be 100% herself with him instead of putting on a show. That episode where she went to Fumo Fumo Land saw her dressed and acting very differently (until the yakuza give them trouble) but in a long lasting relationship she wouldn't be able to keep that facade up. With Sousuke she can let loose since he can handle her pummelings (and maybe even enjoys them )

[KashimArbalestAS]

Same quote from www.full-metal-panic.com on their bio of Kaname Chidori.

"The beautiful Kaname Chidori is your average not-so-average high school girl. Her life is nearly perfect- she's smart, a class representative and the Vice President of the Student Council (the position of President, incidentally, being occupied by the cunning Atsunobu Hayashimizu), and she has reached an advanced stage of physical development. The only thing that she's missing from her ordinary life is the thrill of teenage romance."

Obviously there's some things to like about her, but I think it's her outside fiery personality and outside "aggressiveness" that keeps some away from her. They never had the intimate situations in which Kaname got to know someone and trust someone like she did with Sousuke, and Kaname liking Sousuke in her heart also helped.

[Ariane]

Good points, both of you I obviously agree that the two are good for each other, or I wouldn't have written a fic about them. Haha... sometimes I just think they they really are the only ones for each other... I just can't imagine others that would fit the bill.