Kurz, Melissa, and the other Arm Slave pilots sat with Sousuke in their own little corner of the meeting room, as the Intelligence operatives passed along the information that had to them and the other members of the strike force.
“Shut up, Weber. Pay attention to the briefing. What you learn might just keep your sorry ass in one piece,” Melissa spat angrily, tired of hearing Kurz tell jokes and tall tales.
“Lighten up babe, I’ve heard every word they’ve said. If you can’t have a little fun now and then, what’s the sense of living?” Kurz draped one leg over the back of Melissa’s chair. When she went to slam it with a vicious elbow, he pulled it away quickly, watching her wince in pain.
“You see, Sis. I have things under control. Maybe YOU need to settle down some.”
Sousuke was growing irritated. It wasn’t as if this were something new. Kurz was just a little more animated than usual---no doubt he was feeling a great deal of pressure like everyone else. Nevertheless, he was having a hard time holding his tongue.
“Stow it, shit head. If they thought you knew what you were talking about, someone would put you in charge of the squad instead of me. Those brain docs are still here. If I ask real nice, maybe they’ll give you a frontal lobotomy!” Melissa smiled wickedly.
“Won’t matter, pretty lady…. as long as they leave me the stuff up front that counts. Oh yeh!” Kurz looked down at his pants. “It’s hard finding clothes that fit, don’t you know?” He spread his legs apart just to antagonize Melissa.
“It’s not a problem!” Sousuke brought his combat knife down hard, just inches in front of Kurz’ crotch, actually sticking the blade through the thin aluminum seating. “We’re hear to listen. There are lives at stake.”
His own action caught Sousuke by surprise. He was certainly upset with Kurz’ flippancy at a time when Kaname and the rest of Japan were in danger, but that was no reason to lose his temper.
Everybody in the back of the room looked at Sousuke as if he had sprouted a set of horns. Kurz was uncharacteristically silent, a real look of unease in his eyes. Melissa turned her chair around towards Sousuke and stared at him, waiting to see if he would offer an explanation.
Sousuke in turn stared back. He hadn’t really paid it much attention, but Melissa had a rather nice pair of large and pleasantly round breasts. Leaving her top few buttons undone certainly didn’t conceal that fact. She definitely had Captain Testaross beat, and topped Kaname quantitatively. Now, who did he prefer qualitatively, his Sergeant Major or a certain blue-haired girl?
Wait?
What the Hell was he thinking about?
“Sousuke, what’s wrong with you today?” Melissa hadn’t overlooked Sousuke’s stare. This wasn’t like Kurz’ essentially harmless debauchery…. that was just Kurz. Sousuke was definitely acting out of character.
Kurz, for all his shenanigans, was a pretty sharp guy. If hadn’t been, he never would have gotten out of certain situations in his life. He easily followed Sousuke’s glance, wanting to look in that direction himself any way.
“Whoa, babe. Wrong question. What’s RIGHT with our little brother today. Seems to me he’s finally appreciating the finer things in life! I’ve told you how fine they are, haven’t I?” Kurz leaned his chair bag, pushing with his legs. Melissa’s uppercut just missed.
“I mean, you heard the rumor about what happened during his procedure, didn’t you.” Kurz pointed to a picture of a No Dong missile being shown ob the projection screen. “Tessa came running, only to find that the missile was gone, right Sousuke? Wonder who clued our disappointed little Captain in. Miss Chidori will certainly be happy to find out that her man has his equipment in operating order. Oh yeh! You bet!”
Sousuke almost felt suffocated by a sudden blanket of embarrassment. He then felt a need to defend Kaname’s honor. His earlier feelings had vanished. He was awash with contempt, not sexual interest.
“If you were as good as you talk, you wouldn’t have need to brag.” Sousuke said, his voice sharp and brittle. “Maybe you should pay more attention to your training, and less attention to everyone else’s business. That way you would be more of a soldier and less of a joke.” Sousuke fought the urge to put his hands around Kurz’ neck.
Kurz’ mouth just hung open.
“Sagara! Keeping Kurz in line is my business, not yours. Pay attention to the briefing!” Melissa’s look was fierce. Any mission was critical, but this one was especially so.
“North Korea. Eastern Coast, not far from the Sea of Japan. North 40 degrees, 51’ and 17.” East 129 degrees, 39’ and 58.” Launch facilities not too far away from the towns of No Dong and Taepodong in the North Hamgyong Province. Overall facility roughly triangular in shape, including a number of major launch pads, a range control center located 850 meters to the NW and a missile assembly building located 500 meters due west. Generally under-populated area used for dryland crops such as barley, wheat, corn, and soybeans. A few miles beyond that, scrub brush and barren land. A number of small agricultural settlements in the area, but no visible troop barracks or large scale living quarters.” Sousuke didn’t back down from Melissa’s glare.
Instead, he leaned forward in his chair and said quietly but quite audibly “Unlike someone who can neither drink beer nor smoke tobacco and lead soldiers at the same time, I am quite capable of doing more than one thing concurrently. If you have a problem with that, I suggest you put me on report. Maybe I will care about it!” Sousuke folded his arms against his chest. He almost spat.
Melissa looked as if someone had kicked her in the face. Kurz looked like he was fighting back rage. “You…you…”
Sousuke suddenly went pale and put his hand to his head. He was so confused. This was not like him. Some of the things he said were based on things he had thought at one time of another, but he had no desire to hurt the two people who had been closer to him than anyone else. He pulled at his hair, squeezing his eyes tight.
“Man, are you alright? You’re REALLY worrying me, Sous---” Kurz put his hand on Sousuke’s shoulder.
Souske reacted unbelievably fast. Melissa hadn’t been able to follow it. Looking down between two upended chairs, she saw Kurz on his back and Sousuke’s boot at his throat.
“No. NO!!!” Sousuke shouted at himself. He stepped back, quivering, the sweat poring down him. Melissa put her pistol back in its holster.
The briefing stopped. The Intel officer called for MPs, but Melissa asked to have that order belayed. She called for Dr. Cannon-Bard and Dr. Schacher.
“Please continue. I’m sorry to impose on you, but you will need to repeat things for the three of us later.” Melissa pulled Kurz back up on his feet. The two of then led a wobbly Sousuke back to the medical area.
The two Specialists were waiting for them as they walked Sousuke in.
“I told you something like this might happen,” Dr. Scacher said. “It’s working, alright. It just happens to be working too well.” He helped Sousuke lean back on the examining table. “Tony, hook up the EEG. Let’s make sure he hasn’t developed any abnormal waveforms.
Kurz and Melissa looked worried. Sousuke looked nearly catatonic.
“It’s really not that big a deal,” Sophia claimed. “Sure, left alone, his condition might leave him totally useless. But, I prepared for just such an emergency. The proper pharmaceuticals out to blunt the leading edge of his emotions and allow him better conscious control.” She unzipped a bag and took out a syringe, three sealed needles, and a pair of one-use phials.
“He sat in the Arm Slave, but he hasn’t activated the Lambda Driver yet.” Dr. Schacher looked uncomfortable. “That might settle things down, if everything comes into harmony. But who can say what the Hell might happen if he’s this unstable now?”
Melissa swore under her breath. The whole reason these eggheads were on board was to make Sousuke and Arbalest more effective. If the experiment took them out of the action, they were all screwed.
Mithril.
The assault teams.
Japan.
Everybody.
Kurz looked as if he had told his last joke. Sousuke was like a brother to him A stiff, stuffy, hard core brother perhaps, but family just the same. He had his own minor epiphany. Sousuke was three years his younger, but Kurz found himself relying more and more on the younger man. Maybe it was time to take the bull by the horns and make himself someone worthy of following.
“No abnormal forms, doctor.” Tony looked relieved.
Dr Cannon-Bard nodded her head and gave Sousuke the injections.
“Will that stuff make him ready for combat, doctor?” Melissa was Sousuke’s superior, not just his friend.
“I don’t know,” Sophia answered honestly. “We told your bosses that this was unknown territory, and it is. We can only do out best, and hope he is capable of the same.”
“Could you juice someone else with everything Sousuke had?” Kurz asked, a strange look in his eyes. “Maybe if the weather was bad enough, we’d have enough time. It could be that it doesn’t work with our rather unique friend there, but could be just the thing for someone else.”
Melissa looked shocked. Kurz was asking that? He never failed to surprise her. Usually, it just happened to be at the wrong time.
“I’m afraid not,” Dr. Schacher answered. “It’s a courageous offer, but we don’t have enough medications left for a full treatment.”
“I doubt the brass would want to risk another pilot, in any case. There is no guarantee it would make a person able to synch with a Lambda Driver if he never showed that proclivity before.” Sophia took out a penlight and shined it in Sousuke’s eyes.
Kurz nodded his head. Then he smiled. “Ah well. I guess you’re off the hook then, Sis.”
Melissa just shook her head and smiled.
“I can do this.” It was Sousuke’s voice. He sounded weary, but confident. “It is necessary. Therefore I will get it done. It is not a problem. I have been through worse.”
Everyone looked at Sousuke, wanting to believe him. They all knew there was only so much that good intentions and a will to succeed could accomplish.
“But….” Melissa had reason to question his condition. Rubbing his throat, Kurz had even more reason.
“I said I could do it!” There was a little heat in Sousuke’s voice, but he managed to reign in his anger. “I believe that in instances such as these, instilling a sense of confidence in the subject is just as important as the subject’s attitude and abilities. Am I incorrect in this? I see no valid alternatives in any case.”
Dr. Schacher gave Sousuke a pat on the back. The younger man did not show any adverse reaction. “You are quite correct, Sergeant. We’ve done what we can. I will leave you to do what you can. If you ever want to leave Mithril and join the SEALs, let me know. They’d be damn lucky to have you.”
Sousuke nodded his head. That comment filled him with warmth and pride. It was a rare feeling for him, but he did not find it unpleasant. He had the urge to salute, and did so, even though their was no military requirement.
Dr. Scacher saluted in return, a look of pride and sympathy on his face.
--------------------------------------------
Sousuke sat in the cockpit of the ARX-7. His hand rested on the switch that would turn on the A.I. His eyes on his watch, he followed the second hand in its slow crawl. In ten minutes, he would trigger the Lamda Driver, then shut it down. He was very concerned. There was no way to tell what the remaining types of medicine would do to him.
After he had left the medical area, his reactions had been mixed.
Sitting in the briefing room, he took not of every fact available. Pertinent GPS coordinates and digital images had been downloaded into his computer system for him, but his own mind would be the most important tool at his disposal.
He was nervous.
He was exceeding anxious.
Not for himself, but for Kaname.
The intelligence data indicated that the North Korean Nuclear Development site at Kumchangri was in full operation around the clock. The group responsible for the essential coup had reactivated the facilities at Yongbyon, converting nuclear waste into weapons grade plutonium. Combined with the material that had already been refined, the enemy would have enough material for at least six nuclear weapons. Numerous dirty warheads could be produced in addition to that.
There was no room for error.
So, of course, the situation presented more opportunity for mistakes than one could shake a stick at.
The weather was bad and growing worse, not better. The American forces were on the move, sooner than anyone had expected. Space debris had damaged one of the three crucial Mithril surveillance satellites that had been hastily moved into crowded orbits. He was likely to face Lamba Driver capable Arm Slaves, uncertain whether he would be capable of battling a baby bird.
What he really wanted to do, he realized, was simply sit at peace and think about Kaname. He wanted to sort through his feelings for her under normal circumstances, not with hormones and man-made chemicals coursing through his veins at incredible levels. He tried to remember the kiss, but couldn’t. It might have been a defense mechanism, protecting that cherished memory from pollution and degradation. He hoped it wasn’t a permanent effect.
He was also worried about how his feelings for Kaname might change. Would his awareness of his emotions set him up for failure later on, if he did return to his old self? His mind must have had some reason for setting up so many barriers. Would taking them down all at once… then jacking up everything that was there… destroy the things that might have come to be over a slow and gradual course of discovery?
Might they speed things up instead? Did any after-effect, permanent or temporary, by necessity have to be a bad thing?
There was only one way to find out the answers.
He saw no value in worrying about things.
Besides, he was happy just realizing that he cared about Kaname. The incident in the ready room had made him very uncomfortable. Captain Testarossa had dressed in a Santa Claus outfit and was busy handing out small gifts to everyone. He had gotten a small crystal star to hang up in Arbalest for good luck. For a moment, the feeling of gratitude had brought him close to tears. It was unnerving.
That wasn’t the problem, though. The Captain was wearing a pair of close fitting red tights. When she dropped Melissa’s present, she bent over to pick it up, right in front of Sousuke. His eyes almost bulged out of his head. It wasn’t the first time he had been confronted by her anatomy, but it certainly felt like it was.
“Damn, I just forgot my name!” His explanation came out before he could stop it. It was one he had heard Kurz use on numerous occasions. For the first time, he knew what it meant. He had quickly turned away, so no one could figure out where he had been looking. After that, he ran to the locker room, walked in the door, and sat alone in the darkness, trying to get a hold on himself.
Perched on the edge of the bench, he tried to erase the vision of Tessa from his mind. He was even thinking of her as ‘Tessa.’ His memory flew back to the time he had crawled into bed with him unannounced. He found himself wishing he had helped Kurz and the others with their peeping, as long as he got his turn. He wondered what might have happened if Tessa had been at the school when the Full Monty bacteria did its thing.
“No. It’s wrong.” It WAS wrong. She was his commanding officer. He was a Specialist. It wasn’t right for Kaname. The picture of Kaname in his mind had a miraculous effect. First, he felt incredibly guilty and ashamed. He then wallowed momentarily in despair, wondering just what kind of cretin he was. Before he knew it, however, he was thinking only about Kaname.
Some of those thoughts remained inappropriate, but at least they were about her.
He hoped that no one figured out what his exclamation meant. He especially hoped that if someone did, he or she wouldn’t tell Captain Testarossa… or Cmdr. Mardukas.
He already had one run in with the Commander.. The medication may have toned him down some, but it did not keep him from acting on impulse or saying what he thought. Some things still were able to slip past his guard.
“I trust we will not hear any more tales about violent behavior against your peers, Sergeant!” Cmdr. Mardukas’ words had immediately set Sousuke on edge. Instead of making him sweat, though, they injured his pride. “There have always been concerns that you were a bomb ready to go off!”
“I understand you are British, Sir.” Sousuke’s voice was just as firm and cold as his superior officer’s. “I have always had concern about that, but have decided to behave in a professional manner, acknowledging your military talents instead. I only wish you had a habit of accentuating the positive, rather than raking people over the coals every chance you get.”
Sousuke thought for a moment that the Commander was going to strike him. The man earned his respect by controlling his own temper.
“I understand that the medicine is talking, Sergeant.” He had said gruffly.
“Affirmative. I hope you understand that I was speaking the truth.” At that, Sousuke had saluted and walked away. Who knows what might follow from that, if he were lucky enough to survive the mission.
Sousuke wasn’t convinced that emotions were a good thing. His prior condition had obviously been simpler. But, even now, he did take satisfaction from telling Mardukas off. No. He was glad that he had simply acknowledged his true feelings. The words themselves had simply been a consequence of his lack of control.
Emotions were confusing.
Especially love.
Despite everything he was going through, he kept coming back to that for some reason.
He might never truly love Kaname. On the other hand, he just might. There was still no way to be certain he was cut out for such things.
“I am not supposed to worry about such things!” Sousuke admonished himself. “Especially now!”
He ought to go over some of the mission details again, while he had time. It was a little over an hour to launch time, and who knows how much thought he would be able to give such matters after the micro-spheres released their unpredictable elixir.
Whatever was in the direct area of the launch site would be what they should most worry about. Reinforcements would be slow in arriving, due to the lack of paved roads, airports, rail lines or harbors in the area of the target zone. No doubt there were no reinforcements, due to the logistics. He doubted that the enemy hadn’t though things through. Sousuke was smart enough to know the real issue.
Tunnels.
The North Koreans were adept at tunneling. Grendel was skilled at misdirections and forward planning. The was no telling how much might be hidden from spies, satellites, and informers.
There were currently two ICBMs on the three launch pads. Sousuke had asked the Intel agents about the possibility of underground silos. They discounted the idea, saying that there would have been much more ground and sea traffic in the vicinity in the past year.
When he asked why the North Koreans might not have built them long before that, for some other purpose, they had no answer. They looked uncomfortable. It was entirely possible that prior unknown activities may have prompted the current bold move.
So many unknowns and uncertainties.
He may well need to read and react, making decisions in the blink of an eye. Would he still be able to do that? Would the new changes in him be a help or hindrance?
Again, worrying wouldn’t help anything. Everything looks obvious in hindsight. For those who survive.
Sousuke turned the A.I. on. “Al….”
“I.D. registration still in effect, Sergeant. Vital signs being monitored. Systems maintained at 96.7 percent top efficiency. How my I serve you?”
“Al, bring up any schematics, suppositions, reports, and rumors about the Arm Slaves employed by Grendel. Cross reference the data in comparison to Venom class units, as well as the M9 and ARX-7. That is current top priority.” Sousuke typed in an access code and prepared his onboard systems to save any pertinent data.
“Connecting with Da Danaan mainframe. Connection established. Satellite lead pending. Will access Pacific base records when able.”
Absentmindedly, Sousuke pushed at the star he had hung up in his cockpit. Spinning, it diffracted and reflected the various colored lights being put off by readouts, ready lights, and cabin illumination. Half-closing his eyes, he pictured one of the large Christmas tress erected by the large Japanese corporations. Last night, he could have walked hand in hand with Kaname, seeing such sights for real.
What else might they have seen? What might they have done? What could he have discovered about her… about himself… about the two of them together?
Without realizing, the feelings within him built up to the breaking point. Desire. Doubt. Envy. Wonder. Eagerness. Loneliness. Consternation. Curiosity. Possessiveness. Hate. Fear. Anger. Courage. It was a volatile mix. Too many of the emotions were conflicting or mutually exclusive.
“IT… IS… NOT… FAIR!!!”
He banged his fists hard against the control panel.
“IT’S BULLSHIT!!!”
A number of lights flashed, indication that the system was concerned about external seismic shock. Sousuke pushed a reset button. The abnormal shock was internal…internal to Arbalest, and internal to himself.
“WHY ME…. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ME… WHY… ALWAYS… ME?!!”
He was rehashing the same issues. It was a clear sign that his defense mechanisms were off line. Kurz, Melissa, Kaname, the Mithril psychologists… in the past, every one of them thought that his reclusive behavior and withdrawn nature was abnormal. Was it? Was it really? Might it be right for him? Or was he simply being a coward, fighting something that might make him more like everybody else… maybe even more happy?
“Damn…. Damn……………………… Damn.”
It hadn’t been easy being a teenager and a soldier. He voluntarily pushed the former away in the interest of the latter. Being a warrior fed his greatest needs. Survival. Direction. A family of sorts. A chance for revenge. Boundaries. Now he doubted all that.
“Too much to think through. No time now.”
The chiming noise indicated that one series of downloads was ready for review. Sousuke held his breath a short while, counting slowly to twenty before exhaling. He needed to find his center. His thoughts and emotions settling down some, he began reviewing the available data. It was minimal, but might provide auseful heads up.
Knock knock knock knock knocknocknocknocknocknock.
Someone was standing on the outside of the Arm Slave, rapping on the cockpit cover. Sousuke looked at his watch. He was tardy. He should have activated the Lamba Driver a few minutes earlier. Was somebody intent on reminding him? Why didn’t they use the com system?
Sousuke pulled down on a lever, listening the hiss of compressed air. The hatch opened enough to see who was there. It was Kurz.
“Sousuke ole pal, open up. I need to speak to you for a moment.” Kurz’ face was serious. He held a data disc in his hand.
“Affirmative.” Sousuke brought the hatch all of the way up. “Is there a problem? Have mission parameters changed?”
“No. I just wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean to make you angry earlier. I was just joking.” Kurz didn’t have his usual devil-may care-look or posture.
“It is not a problem. It is your usual behavior. It should not have bothered me. My reaction was the problem. I realize the medications have affected me, but I still feel ashamed. I am a Specialist.”
Kurz sat down on a less cluttered portion of the control panel. He pulled at one ear, looking a little uncomfortable.
“No Sousuke, you are more than a Specialist. You’re seventeen.” Kurz almost laughed. He sounded so wise, a veritable sage or magi. He was only twenty himself.
“Correct. But….”
Kurz held up his hand.
“Sousuke, you’re seventeen in body. In some ways, you are much younger in in your thoughts and attitudes. But, you have the talents and responsibilities of someone much older. That would confuse the Hell out of anyone under the best circumstances.” Kurz smiled. He remembered his own early teenage days. Life had certainly had its share or surprises for him. Family issues. Rough indoctrinations. A girlfriend with a rare illness.
“Yes….” Sousuke bowed his head. He had come to the same conclusion.
“What I’m trying to say is that you have friends here, no matter what age you are. We are behind you one hundred and ten percent. We will support you no matter what. We will lay down our lives for you. If you end up lost out their in the wilderness, Melissa and I will come find you.” Kurz paused, looking for the right words. “If you get lost inside there, we will do the same.” He pointed to Sousuke’s head. “Whatever it takes.”
Sousuke surprised both of them. A tear ran down one of his cheeks. It was soon followed by two more. Then one after another. He wasn’t certain exactly what he was feeling.
“Thank you.”
There was the sound of someone scampering up the impromptu stairway made by the joints and limbs of the Arm Slave. It was Melissa. Seeing Kurz, her face clouded over.
“Sousuke, you are behind schedule. Now I see why. Weber. I ought to kick your sorry ass until its up around your ears.” She grabbed Kurz by the collar. Sousuke’s hand reached out around her wrist, closing with a vice-like grip.
“What?” Melissa looked confused.
“He has done nothing wrong. He offered comfort. Others may have felt the same way, but they did not wish to disturb me or set me off. He made certain I realized I was not alone. He made me realize that my troubles are not an indictment.”
Melissa still scowled at Kurz. She couldn’t help but be suspicious. But, he had fooled her once already.
She noticed the tears on Sousuke’s face.
That caught her off guard. Her own emotions kicked in. It was hard being a Sergeant Major all the time. Especially since she didn’t have to be.
Almost timidly, she reached out to wipe away some of the younger soldier’s tears.
“Did this long-haired asshole tell you that we all are rooting for you…. not just with the mission, but with everything else?” Melissa’s voice cracked slightly, making Kurz grin. His smile deepened when Melissa shook her fist at him.
“Yes….”
“Good. Did he tell you that we will do our best to back you up, whatever it takes?” Melissa meant that. She was still haunted by the memory she had of leaving Sousuke and Kurz behind in Khanka.
“Yes…”
“Excellent. He gets to live another day, then. Did he tell you that you get to have sex with me when we get back?” Melissa had a straight face, but her eyes were twinkling like Sousuke’s star.
“Uh….: Sousuke’s eyes went wide. He felt as if he mighty swallow his tongue,
“W-H-A-A-A-A-T…..” Kurz slid of the console, smacking his head hard on an arm waldo.
“I hope not!” Melissa smiled.
“Good….” Sousuke was relived.
“W-H-A-A-A-A-T….” Melissa did her best to look angry and affronted. She then smiled, reaching out to muss up Sousuke’s hair.
“You forget the sex part, Sergeant. But none of the rest. Understand?” Mao grabbed Kurz by the hair and began pulling him down out of the cockpit.
“Affirmative!” Sousuke was worried that more tears might fall. Instead, he suddenly felt at peace.
“Ouwww… damn it babe, that HURTS!!!” Kurz had the irrational urge to punch Melissa in the biceps to make her let go. He didn’t He remembered what happened last time he did that. “I still have something to give Sousuke.”
“Hurry it up then. The deck control officer is going crazy with his flags. Someone in the control room must have sent down a reminder for Sousuke to get started.” She slid down the side of the ARX-7 and headed off to finish the pre-flight check on her Command M9.
Sousuke looked over at Kurz.
“Well, since you’ve been in touch with your emotions man, I thought you might want to give this a try.” Kurz handed Sousuke the disc. “It’s music… a copy of a disc I burned myself for this mission.”
“But….”
Kurz held up his hand. “I know. Not your usual cup of tea. No military marches or bagpipes on that baby! Nobody will make you spin that sucker if you don’t want to.”
“But….”
“You’ve started noticing the ladies more, right?” Kurz smiled a devilish smile.
“Yes, but….”
“And you’ve started getting pissed at life sometimes, wondering why the Hell things have to be so hard sometimes, and why a whole load of shit seems to keep falling down on you?”
“Yes, I….”
“And some times you just want to stick it to the Man… or Fate… or whatever?”
“Yes.” Sousuke nodded his head. He had certainly felt that way today at times.
“Well, the right song can sometimes do that. Since I have no idea what might do the trick for you, I gave you some tunes that light the fire for me. Sometimes it actually gets the heart pumping and the energy flowing. If it proves a distraction, just turn it off.” Kurz began to leave the ARX-7.
“What is on it. I will not listen to rap or hip hop….”
“Me either, Sousuke. You’re wise beyond your years. Just some kick ass rock ‘n’ roll. Some good ole stuff from the 70s. Van Halen ‘On Fire.” Oh yeh! UFO ‘Too Hot To Handle.’ It’s true. Blue Oyster Cult, ‘Godzilla.’ Get down with your monstrous self!”
“Godzilla?” Sousuke’s eyes perked up. He couldn’t help himself. He loved Godzilla movies.
“You bet. AC/DC ‘Highway To Hell.’ Ted Nugent ‘Cat Scratch Fever.’ Be sure to play that one for Kaname some day. You’ll thank me. Judas Priest, ‘Killing Machine.’ Queen ‘Death on Two Legs.’ The hits just keep on coming.”
“I see.” Sousuke didn’t know what to think. He took the disk. “Thank you.”
“No problem,” Kurz said, giving Sousuke a thumbs up sign. “Kick ass, dude. Don’t forget to come back alive.”
---------------------------------------
When the hatch was closed, Sousuke knew there was no more delaying it. He had to initiate the next step in his medical process. He flipped one switch, turning on the external speakers.
“This is Urzu-7. I will initiate Lambda Driver in T-minus thirty second. I recommend everyone retreat to the hangar walls opposite Arbalest.” He took a deep breath and contacted the A.I.
“Put all other functions on hold, Al. Initiate Lambda Driver start-up.”
“Affirmative, Sergeant.”
A slow and steady noise could be heard as a number of long narrow fins extended out from behind Arbalsest.
“Al, finalize start-up procedure as soon as all hangar personnel are out of field range.”
“Yes, Sergeant. All personnel have reached safe distance. Full Lambda Driver implementation proceeding as commanded. Monitoring minimal backlash field. No significant hazard noted.”
A pulsing noise was audible. The A.S. throbbed and vibrated with restrained power.
“Very good. Al. Maintain field at minimal strength. Shut down automatically after five minutes. Listen very carefully. That is my final valid order until after the device has been powered down. Do NOT obey any other orders about the Lambda Driver. Remain immobile, keeping control of all motive systems. Is that understood?” Sousuke was not about to take any chances.
“Heard and understood, Sergeant. I will comply.”
Sousuke sat back and closed his eyes. Right now, inside his blood stream, the micro-spheres would be dissolving. How long before he knew whether or not there would be any adverse side effects?
There was a growing warmth within him.
It started in his fingers and toes, the spread inward. His mind even felt warm, if that made any sense. Ever so slowly, he felt as if he were leaving his shell in some kind of out-of-body experience. Then, he was whole again. Then dissociated. Then intact. It felt as if his entire body was growing well beyond the bounds of Arbalest. Not long thereafter, he felt as if he were incredibly small.
Sousuke opened his eyes, feeling foolish. Naturally, he was the same size as always. He closed his eyes again.
After a few more minutes, it felt as if his every bone was vibrating, his every muscle twitching, his every breath going on forever. His thoughts must be speeding up. He counted. How could his heartbeat be one per minute? It couldn’t! Now he began to feel cold in his extremities.
His feelings ebbed and flowed too. He had tastes of emotions he couldn’t even identify. Memories wandered in, uninvited and juxtaposed. His mother. He could see his mother clearer than ever before. Her voice. He could hear her voice!
A dog at the mujahadeen camp had grabbed a small piece of food he had stolen from a blind beggar women. Trying to get it back, his hand was savaged. He sucked on it, trying to stop the bleeding. The other dogs fought over the spoils. He went hungry that night.
He was in a RK 92. As it had been crippled, he fired off explosive bolts, disengaging the lower limbs. Using the craft’s arms to move, he fought off enemy Savages and saved Mao. A hostage girl, and captured Mithril troops.
There was smoke inside Jindai High School. The explosive had been a little much for the job at hand. At least the mysterious letter had been destroyed. Why was Kaname so angry with him?
“Sergeant Sagara, are you OK?” It was Captain Testarossa’s voice. “The doctors tell me that your vital signs are stable. How are you handling the final stage?”
For a moment, Sousuke’s senses were interconnected. Each word that Tessa spoke triggered a different flavor. Colors began flashing on and off in his head, each associated with a different emotion. Feelings darted here and there, as if the his brain had a box of puzzle pieces and was trying to see where everything fit.
“I’m not certain, Captain. My senses are disconnected. Memories are coming in at random. My feelings are beginning to wax and wane without any sense of reason. I’m beginning to feel nauseous. I feel cold. So very cold.” Sousuke’s hands clenched, but he couldn’t feel his fingers.
“Sergeant Sagara, can you hear me?” It was Lt. Cmdr. Kalinin. “Dr. Cannon-Bard has suggested that you try and focus on some recent thought. Choose something positive, something that will hold your attention. Do it now soldier.”
“I… yes, Sir!” Sousuke tried to bring up memory of his last minutes with Kaname. He stopped. He was worried. “Lt. Commander… will that thought remain? Or will it be a sacrificial lamb?”
There was a period of quiet.
“Sergeant, the doctor says the memory should not be erased. If anything it should be enhanced. Do you hear me?”
“Yes, Sir! Affirmative. I will do my best.”
Sousuke felt as if he were caught in a raging whirlpool of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. His intuitive nature flashed on and off like a firefly. His concept of spirituality challenged him, tugging at his mind, wanting his full attention.
“Kaname!” He tried to focus on her, seeing her image materialize in his mind. She was angry. A wrapped picture lay broken on the floor. This was not the vision he wanted.
All of the emotions that dealt with protection from loss spun him around mentally. They were soon trumped by emotions required for acquisition. Those were next superceded by feelings that were critical for perpetuation of things he valued. He could not put names to those feelings. For a moment, he couldn’t even remember his own name.
“Ka… na… me…” That name stuck with him. Pushing and pulling with all his might, Sousuke tried to reassemble an image of her. He succeeded. She was standing outside in the cold, no shoes on her feet. Shoes. He knew that she owned shoes. It didn’t make sense.
He was reaching the base of the whirlpool. Everything spun faster there. The pressure was increasing to incredible levels. He felt as if he were about to black out.
Desire. Pleasure. Love. Hope. Joy. Companionship. Wonder. Happiness. They bounced hard off of him, like flotsam and jetsam through about by the swirling mental currents.
Why were such emotions causing him pain?
Suffering. Hate. Fear. Despair. Horror. Shame. Anger. Lust. Envy. They struck him hard. Why did it feel good?
“KANAME!!!” He couldn’t picture her. He did see an image of a scarf. It was Kaname’s gift to him. He could feel it in his hand.
Gratitude. Love. Pride. Pleasure. Sympathy. Eagerness. Respect. They formed a barrier between him and the raging thoughts. Those emotions felt good.
“Kaname…..” The name came out as a sigh. He could see her. He could smell her hair. He could feel her arms around him. Her eyes were so wide, then they closed. Her lips parted.
Vengefulness. Loneliness. Consternation. Fear. Anger. Sadness. Fear. Fear. Fear. Anger. Anger. Sadness. Those emotions felt bad. But, he did not wish them away. He knew that some of them served a purpose.
Sousuke mouthed Kaname’s name. He felt pulled into her kiss. The whirlpool of thoughts, feelings, and sensations suddenly ceased. He felt as if he was dropping fast, no longer held up by the fearsome current. But, he didn’t crash. He didn’t break against the sharp corners of his mind. He was floating.
He sat in wonder.
What did it all mean?
His thoughts about Kaname had done all that???
Sousuke let out a long whoosh of breath, feeling as if he was just cut free of the rack. His sentence had been reduced. He was free to leave the Tower of London.
No. Look deeper.
He couldn’t leave. He had been granted a stay of execution. Someone had made him a guard instead of a prisoner. The emotions were still there, like big dogs pulling at their leashes, looking for any chance to run away. He had a hold on them now. He could handle any one at a time. Hopefully, they wouldn’t all start pulling at once.
Kaname.
He smiled, even feeling as weary as he did. Then he noticed the com panel. The switch was in the upward position. The light was green. The digital bar graph on a nearby display hovered around the top of a stack of interrupted black lines. The radio was on… full strength.
If anyone had been listening, they would have heard every word he said. It had only been one word. A name.
Kaname.
“Uh….”
“Sergeant, can you hear me?” It was the Lt. Commander again. “Excuse me. Captain Testarossa, are you OK? Do you need to lay down?” The channel went dead for a few minutes. Them it was open again. “I see no need for that, Commander. Sagara, can you read me?”
“Affirmative. I am Sergeant Sousuke Sagara. You are Lt. Cmdr. Andrey Kalinin. It appears that I am in full control of my emotions again. At least for the moment. My senses still seem exaggerated, however.”
“Very good, Sergeant. When you feel up to it, take your place in the queue. Launch will commence as previously planned. You will be in the second flight along with Urzu-5. Good luck, Sergeant. Kalinin out.”
Sousuke walked over to Arbalests place in the hangar. He needed to arrange the ARX-7’s weapons and ammunition. A quick download of any new mission variables would also be required. He would then back his craft into the powered wing module being hoisted by a large hydraulic arm.
It was time to finalize preparations.
The battle was on schedule. Good. The sooner they neutralized the threat, the better.
---------------------------------------------
“Al, let’s go through some conceptual work ahead of time.” Sousuke had finished reviewing the data on the Grendel Arm Slaves. Mithril had given them the code name ‘Phantasm.’ They sounded roughly equivalent to Venom, with potentially less effective weaponry. There were disturbing hints about advanced cloaking technology. It was not merely a way to blend into the surroundings as per the ECS… spies were convinced that machines could fool the eye, seeming to be in more than one place at a time, or simply projecting their image to random places.
That might prove a challenge. Especially if his senses and emotions prompted him to move a quickly as his he could.
“Yes, Sergeant. I am ready.”
“Has the new radar system been installed and validated?”
“Yes, Sergeant,”
“Very good. The newest thermal imagers?”
“Yes, Sergeant.”
“Good. I want detected objects to show up as follows: radar located objects should appear as blue triangles…. thermally detected objects as red circles…. and objects fitting both criteria as green squares. I want height and width parameters displayed in the lower corners for all objects, if possible. I also want one set of optic pick-ups slaved to the ground at all times. Resolution at maximum. Your goal will be to pick-up any evidence of Arm Slave foot prints. If you find such , plot them as a dotted line marking their progress.”
“Yes, Sergeant.”
A flash of light exploded behind Sousuke’s eyes.
His thoughts turned inward.
Why did he even need such toys. He was a hunter. They would only slow him down and get in his way.
“I…. I….”
“Sergeant? I do not understand that communication.”
“It’s OK, Al. It was non-communicative noise. I will now dictate rough instructions for various actions I will want to try with the Lambda Driver. Lets start with the concept of a force spear and shield combination….”
Sousuke spent some moments explaining his thoughts on various offensive and defensive configurations. The A.I. did not know which would or would not work. They would both find out today.
The lights inside his head flashed again.
He had been looking around the hangar bay as he spoke with the A.I. The VTOL aircraft were all fueled, armed, and lining up for launch. The ground crews were finishing up with helicopter fueling. All of the other Arm Slave pilots were testing out control systems, moving mechanical hands, arms, feet, and legs.
There was too much waiting.
Everything was overly complicated. The arrangement was so very ordered… way too restraining… not to his liking.
“Stop!” Sousuke tried to get his wayward thoughts under control. They were at odds with his usual beliefs. He didn’t want them to trigger a blitzkrieg of emotions.
“Ceasing activity as ordered, Sergeant.”
“Wait, Al. That was not directed towards you!” Sousuke was too late. The A.I. had stored away their work, but had shut the particular subsystem down. He had enough ideas squirreled away. There might not even be time to try any of them.
Sousuke saw spots before his eyes for a moment and felt pressure in his head. His vision blurred and his body shook briefly then stopped. He was sweating. Heavily. Things returned to base line.
“Urzu-7, this is Urzu-2. Urzu-6 and I are heading into queue now. After we ride the lift up, you and Urzu-5 will step on. Do you read me? Over.”
“Uzu-2, I copy. Roger that.”
Why?
Why do I need to listen to her?
She is a good hunter, but she is NOT superior to me. The inferior should follow the superior.
I should be in first flight.
“No!” Sousuke took his hands off of the controls. He struggled with himself, fighting against the idea that he should walk up, shoulder Kurz or Melissa aside, and take a place on the elevator.
What was going on with him?
Should he report it?
No! What good would it do? They couldn’t hold him back or assign him to different duties.
He just had to fight his way through it.
“Hey-y-y-y-y-y, Sousuke old boy. Got that music playing yet? Even if you don’t it’s time to rock…. and…. roll….oh yeh! Have a good time smelling my exhaust fumes. If you’re lucky, I’ll leave you an enemy or two!” Kurz was getting pumped up again.
“Cut the unauthorized chatter, asshole. Clear the line.” Melissa was clearly upset with Kurz.
Why?
Was she jealous?
Because Weber wanted to prepare himself in his own way?
He didn’t want to follow the rules!
She was threatened by that! Too bad. Lead, follow, or get the Hell out of the way. Maybe she should just step aside.
Images flashed before Sousuke’s eyes, interrupting his unwanted thoughts. An island. A boy with glasses. A large signal fire. Boys with paint on their faces. A severed sow’s head on a stick, flies covering the mouth. A conch. The body of a dead paratrooper.
The vision of the conch kept reforming after it faded, time and time again.
“What? What is it?” Sousuke should be able to piece that all together. It was so familiar, but just beyond reach.
He was about to go into battle.
This was no time to be at war with himself.
What had Kurz said? ‘Got that music playing yet?’ No, he didn’t.
Should he?
Almost against his conscious will, his hand reached out and turned on the drive with the disc. Part of him was curious enough to allow the act to continue. What song? He didn’t know. It was too much of an imposition, having to think and choose, seeing which title sounded the most intriguing. He didn‘t know this kind of music or any of the songs.
He punched in a number at random.
The band name and title flashed on his view screen. Starz. ‘It’s a Riot.’
“Time to move.”
Sousuke began moving the ARX-7 forward as the music started.
A drum roll was followed by a propulsive guitar riff and piercing opening lead. The sounds sent a feeling like electricity running throughout his body.
What was this?
Shut up!
Why question it.
If it feels good, run with it.
But………. why………… should……….. it………… feel………… good…………..
There was no answer. His attention was focused elsewhere.
‘Some man come running around here, shotgun in his hand….
‘Says I gotta marry his daughter, give her a weddin’ band….
‘Man what did I do, to deserve all this….
‘I gave that girl what she wanted. She wanted more than a kiss…’
Sousuke smiled. Part of him felt excited. Lust filled him. Other emotions followed meekly at its heel, slowly growing bolder. He pushed his proper and overly concerned self aside.
‘And they can stand by the altar for the rest of their life, but I’m not gonna make that fat woman my wife….
‘It’s a Riot!’
Yes. Idiots and their rules. A man has a right to do what he wants. Let the cowards all huddle in their masses, too afraid to take what was theirs. He had been a prisoner too long.
The image of a conch appeared in his head again. He shook it away.
‘Some man come round here, sent from the F.B.I….
‘They’re booking me on suspicion, ain’t got no alibi….
‘They wanna know where I was, ten o’clock last night….
‘Man I was in the arms of, the police chief’s wife…
‘And I may never get nothing’ for the rest of my life, but I got some satisfaction from her last night….
‘It’s a Riot!’ ‘It’s a Riot’ ‘It’s a Riot!’
The guitars pounded and slashed. Sousuke began breathing faster and heavier. Short statements, then the echo of the notes. The person singing knew the score. Maybe everyone else should too. Watching the elevator coming back down for him and Urzu-5, he turned on the external speaker as he began to move forward.
The guitar snapped in quick breaks, the reverb echoing through his ears. It felt as if the notes stretched back to the beginning of his life. He saw images of Russian soldiers, bring their state sanctioned chaos into his life. He would not follow their rules.
‘Ohhhhhh….come over here….’
That’s right. Come closer. I did for them later on, didn’t I? Those damn bastards in the camps tried to keep me down, but they didn’t. I did their killing for them. Because it was what I wanted to do!!! Anybody out there will be getting some of the same.
‘You better watch out for your self….’
Everybody better watch out. He had a mission to do. Nobody better get in his way, no matter whose side they were on. He would be making the rules. Who else controlled the Lambda Driver? Who else could ultimately make this action a success?
The image of the conch blazed forth, filling his head with a blinding white light so that he couldn’t see anything else.
Screw that!
‘You know when those lights go out….’
Ah! There’s more to think about than fighting. Why not! To the victor go the spoils. He already knew who the victor would be. He merely needed to think about what he wanted as his reward.
‘I’ll know you from anybody else….’
Yes. She would do. He remembered those words from that romance novel. He began remembering other things as well. He had been afraid too long. He had been distracted by too many other things. Duty. Embarrassment. Ethics and Morality. Burdens. Shackles. Unnecessary.
Kaname.
Exactly. That kiss had turned his world upside down. It was time to return the favor. Up the ante. Take whatever he wanted. Whenever he chose. Wherever he liked. As often as he wanted.
“NO!!!”
The thought of Kaname being turned into nothing but an object of his desires shocked Sousuke. He clawed his way back out from under the layers of anarchy and savagery. It was his job to protect her. He would give his life to keep her safe!
The guitars kicked in harder than before. The singing was stronger, calling out a challenge.
‘This town is gonna shake….
‘This town is gonna burn….
‘This town is gonna feel it….
‘This town is gonna learn….
‘Now if I never get nothing’ for the rest of my life, I’m gonna blow this town wide open tonight… tonight… tonight….
‘It’s a Riot.’ ‘It’s a Riot.’ ‘It’s a Riot.’ ‘It’s a Riot.’ ‘It’s a Riot.’ ‘It’s a Rio-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-t!’
His life?
Yes, it WAS his life.
He didn’t belong to anyone else, no matter how neat their uniform or shiny their insignia.
He had been giving for so long.
It was time to take.
He’d start with some enemy lives. After that, he’d see what fate brought his way.
Another memory walked up, grinning.
‘I love you Kashim!’
Shit head. Kashim is dead. And I am not going to make the mistakes you did. You were nothing. Time to show you how things should be done.
“Urzu-7, what is that music for. Shut that off! The lift operator is waiting for you to stand still. You are delaying the operation.” That was the stiff-necked asshole, Mardukas.
Sousuke toggled his microphone. He smiled. Thinking back to the last time he had watched the ‘Terminator,’ he had the perfect response in mind.
His hand slapped the switch off.
He grit his teeth. Every conscious thought tried to break free of the seductive call of primal drives. He had come ever so close to shouting out ‘F-ck you, asshole’ in an Austrian accent.
“This…. Is…. Nothing…. Like…. Me…..” He spat out his words.
Oh, but it is.
You just don’t know it yet.
Part of him laughed, shaking off the last of his restraints.
He wanted to dance a tribal dance. He wanted to sing. He wanted to hunt and feast.
“But….”
There would be no ‘Buts.’
He could place the references now. ‘The Lord of the Flies.’
Yes. The human struggle. The conflict between the impulse to obey rules, behave morally, and act lawfully; and the impulse to seek brute power over others, act selfishly, and behave in a way that will gratify one’s desires, scorn moral rules, and indulge in violence.
“Brute power sounds good.”
[FIC] Christmas Cake (pt. 9)
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