Inuyasha

[RussianFox]

Friday
4.00 am
Sounds are heard from inside the tent.

4.10 am
“But it’s raining out there…”
“If you need to go, then just GO!”
Inuyasha emerges from the tent, with Naraku in tow, seemingly for company.

4.11 am
Having released the contents of his bladder in a private place, Inuyasha rejoins Naraku who is peering intently at the stars.
“Let’s go back.”
“My, Ursa Minor is beautiful tonight…” Naraku whispers reverently, and is then distracted by Inuyasha who has fallen down one of his holes.
“I thought you wanted to go back, Inuyasha!” Naraku yells down the hole. Inuyasha yells something back in youkai language and Naraku argues that his mother was an incredibly respected woman whose hobbies had nothing to do with ferrets or crumpets.

4.12 am
Silence has ensued. Naraku demands to know what’s going on, and Inuyasha eventually replies that he has found a grate and that they should all be grateful- “Ha ha!”. Naraku replies that he’d rather be full of rice and steamed vegetables. He then reconsiders and states that it might be possible to grate the vegetables before being full of them. Inuyasha replies that Naraku is full of crap and to get down here.

4.13 am
Having climbed down the hole with great difficulty, Naraku joins Inuyasha in wrenching the grate from its fittings and trying to read the words written on the walls of the tunnel that now lies in front of them.
Inuyasha draws on the knowledge gained from his reading lessons with Kagome.
“I give up.”
Naraku reads the words phonetically.
“ ‘warrning’- something about Shane Warne. ‘warrning don’t enta hea espeshally not beag brutha peepul’.” Naraku looks at Inuyasha, eyes shining bright. “That must mean…”
“Shane Warne is through here!” Inuyasha replies enthusiastically. “We can’t miss this!”
The two boys head off down the tunnel.

5.30 am
Kagome and Sango are woken by a violent tugging on their tent.
“Stop that!” Sango shouts, fumbling her way outside to be confronted with two security guards desperately trying to pack up the tent.
“What’s the meaning of this?” She cries. “It’s only just dawn!”
The men hurriedly shove the tent into its bag (allowing Kagome out in the nick of time) and escape from the garden through means of a hidden door.

Editors note: Due to the show’s limited budget, all extra props must come as product placement. Because of the sly nature of this sort of advertising, it is not always a guarantee that those being advertised will actually pay for their product placement. In this instance, Ray’s Tent City failed to ‘cough up’, meaning their product is instantly removed from the program.
That, and Big B’s mother wants to use them for an over 65’s charity camping expedition.

5.31 am
Kagome and Sango are worried about the boys. Naraku and Inuyasha are nowhere to be seen, Sesshoumaru’s presence is only indicated by the lump that is his sleeping bag, and Miroku sits shivering, wide-eyed with intense fear.
“What’s wrong?” Sango asks concernedly, and in response, Miroku scrambles away from them in fright.
“Don’t go near it!” He yells. “There’s a hideous monster in there!”
He points at Sesshoumaru’s sleeping bag.
Kagome and Sango immediately tense. “Really?”
A loud howl emanates from the bag, and the girls back away.
“Get back!” Miroku shrieks uncharacteristically. “I was trying to wake up Sesshoumaru and I saw its horrid face peering back at me! It’s already eaten Inuyasha and Naraku!”
“No!” Kagome gasps in shock.
The bag rolls from side to side, making odd moaning noises.
“I’m next!” Miroku whimpers, “I know it! It’ll get me!”

5.32 am
Having been disarmed of all weapons before entering the house, Sango and Miroku cannot fight the thing in the bag. They are reduced to watching it cautiously.
The thing in the bag shivers. “I just want to be loved!” It moans. “Get me Naraku! Or I’ll kill myself!” It proclaims dramatically.
“Oh no,” Says Kagome and walks over to the bag.
“Sesshoumaru,” She says, “Did you forget to bring your makeup out with you?”

5.34 am
Sesshoumaru remains sitting in his bag, yet allows Kagome to comfort him.
“It was an extreme lack of judgement, I know…” He wails, his voice muffled by the feathery padding. “Usually I at least have a backup set of Maybelline hidden in my pants, but in all the confusion I just forgot to bring it out with me! I’m…so…ugly!”
“Too right,” Says a sulky Miroku, sitting as far away from the ‘monster’ as possible.
“And you!” The shape of the bag changes so that it is evident Sesshoumaru is pointing a finger at Miroku. “You dared to open up my bag without permission! The nerve! And to gaze upon my innocent, unpainted face… that’s it young man, no more underground magazines for you!”

Editors note: For a while now it has been apparent that Sesshoumaru is smuggling illegal material including food, clothes and literature into the house. This he also does for the other housemates, on a complicated bartering system, usually using lingerie as currency. The means by which he imports his material remains a mystery, yet the show’s scientists have thus far attributed it to a trans-dimensional multi-faceted qualitative space-pocket, through which he telekinesithises various objects (a special youkai ability)
Kouga, on being interviewed after eviction, attributed it to “that small hole in the wall on the eastern side- it’s piss easy to get out of!”

6.00 am
Inuyasha and Naraku continue to navigate their tunnel, and chat about one of the more interesting subjects of life- love and romance.
“Oh yes,” Naraku reminisces, “She was beautiful. She had long golden tresses and pink cheeks, and her name was Gloria. G-L-O-R-I-A. She came-a to my house… and a knockin’ on my door…and then up to my room…”
“Enough information,” Inuyasha says. “How did you two split up?”
“Oh, everything got too complicated. She said I should chill out, stop yelling and take off all my crappy clothes. She thought I was a try hard…by that stage I had met Sesshoumaru and she thought I’d been trying to copy his style. What a ridiculous notion.”
Inuyasha stops walking. “Hang on a sec…you knew my brother before we got trapped in this house?”
“Of course,” Naraku says generously. “Your brother and I go back a long way…even before you were born. In fact, it was I who named you. I said you should be called ‘dog’ because you seemed to like eating the food in a can, you know, ‘good-o’… and he said you should be called ‘demon’ because you acted like one. You even shaved his eyebrows once…did you know that?” Naraku wipes away a happy tear.
“I don’t believe this…” Inuyasha grumbles. “Just as well I’ve got a few names to choose from.”
“Ooo, yes, I know,” Says Naraku. “I picked those as well! Alfonzo, after my great grandmother, Timberlake after my favorite singer and Pipi just because it’s so damned cute…”

7.59 am
A monk, a schoolgirl, a youkai killer and a sleeping bag are waiting outside the house, giving strange looks at the window, to which a priestess is plastered. After a night of extreme food bingeing, Kikyou seems to have become stuck to the window with a mixture of saliva and caramel, and is finding it difficult to separate herself from the window, wake up, yell abuse and hover all at the same time. Suddenly inspired, Sango leads Sesshoumaru to stand directly in front of the window, and then whips off the sleeping bag. One glance at Sesshoumaru’s un-made-up face causes her to emit an inhuman scream and run away from with window as fast as possible, with a scchhhllluurrp noise as her lips become unstuck. Sesshoumaru screams as well, and as soon as the door to the house is unlocked, he races to the bathroom.

8.03 am
Inuyasha and Naraku continue to walk, until suddenly the distant sound of wailing reaches their hanyou ears. Naraku clutches at Inuyasha. “It must be Shane Warne! He’s got to have been furious after that diheuretics scandal!”
“Nah…” Says Inuyasha. “It sounds more feminine… maybe it’s Kagome!” Inuyasha dramatically reaches for tetsusaiga, only to recall with dismay that it had been confiscated weeks ago.
“We’d better stay close,” Says Naraku, “Who knows what’s down there? In fact, look, there’s another grate!”
The wailing has grown louder, and Inuyasha notices soapy water trickling past their feet.
“Let’s smash it open,” Naraku suggests, and the two hanyou use their shoulders to break down the grate,
and land in the middle of the shower in bathroom 2, in which Sesshoumaru sits crying.

8.07 am
“Aargh! Get it away from me!”
“Oh Shane, what drugs have you been taking now?”
“It’s a monster!!!”
“D…don’t you recognise me??!”

11.10 am
Having convinced Sesshoumaru that he only thought he was Shane Warne because he wasn’t wearing his contacts, Naraku finishes an emergency makeover and leads a weak and shaking (but now beautiful) Sesshoumaru out of the bathroom.
“There now,” He says, “Look at Sesshoumaru, everyone, look at how beautiful he is!”
Naraku looks pointedly at the cast who all agree that Sesshoumaru does indeed look as beautiful as he ever was.
“They’re just saying that,” Sesshoumaru mumbles, and sits forlornly on the edge of a chair, looking feeble.
“Oh no they’re not,” Naraku says loudly, “They think you’re lovely!”
“Yes…lovely,” Echo the cast.
Sesshoumaru seems content with this for a while, at least until Big Buttocks interrupts the conversation with a cruel “He never was born with it, it’s always been Maybelline” which causes Sesshoumaru to shriek and cover his head with his hands.
“Oh stop sooking,” Big Buttocks says, “I’ve got a task for you today. There’s a treasure chest on the living room table- Kagome, why don’t you go and open it?”
Kagome goes into the living room, and gasps to see it transformed into a wonderland of lace and red velvet. She brings back the chest and opens it to reveal a beautiful white wedding gown and a dashing black tuxedo.
“Yes that’s right!” Big Buttocks cries, “Today two of you are going to get married!”
“A wedding?!” Sesshoumaru cries and lifts his lovely head out of his hands.
Naraku clasps his hands in excitement. “Ooh, pumpkin, we’re going to have a wonderful white wedding!” He squeals.
“Your task is to stage a successful wedding. You have to decide who will get “married”, who will take on the role of priest, and hold a reception without any major disasters occurring.”
“It’s that easy?” Inuyasha asks suspiciously.
Big Buttocks doesn’t answer, but this ominous warning does nothing to curb Sesshoumaru and Naraku’s (rekindled) creative spirits.

11.30 am
After much giggling and excited chattering, Sesshoumaru has decided to be the groom, with Naraku as his bride.
“A white wedding!” Naraku sighs romantically. “The happiest day of my life…”
“Sorry to interrupt,” Kagome says (not at all apologetically). “But who’s going to tie the knot?”
Naraku and Sesshoumaru give her a confused look and point to each other.
“No, no…” she says, shaking her head and holding up a pair of robes. “Who’s going to be the priest?”
All eyes turn to Miroku, but Inuyasha gives Kagome a hopeful look.
“Can…can I be it?” he mumbles, giving her a puppy-dog-eyed look.
“Just a moment, my beloved brother!” Sesshoumaru butts in. “You have to give me away!”
Inuyasha looks extremely excited for a moment, before Kagome explains that the term ‘giving away’ doesn’t involve Sesshoumaru actually leaving.
“But I thought that I was the bride! I need to be given away!” Naraku whinges.
“But you’re a mother already!” Sesshoumaru says with the air of someone who’s just explained everything.
“So!?” Naraku whimpers, his bottom lip beginning to tremble.
“So there.” Sesshoumaru smirks, turning his back.
“Well, I’ve got news for you!” Big Buttocks booms, causing Naraku to stop his sobbing. “Neither of you are being given away. In fact, you’re not even going to get married!”
“What?” Naraku cries.
“Well, you’re both men.” Big Buttocks explains. “This is a family program. Enough said. It must be a strictly normal wedding.”
‘N-Normal?” Naraku whimpers. “So, no exploding potatoes?”
“No.”
“No cursed tattoos?” Naraku says, fighting back tears.
“Absolutely not.”
“No backwards bungy-jumping?”
“No chance.”
“And…and…no sacrificial-pink-jumper-knitting-rallies???” Naraku finally bursts out.
“Never in your lifetime!”
Naraku bursts into a fit of uncontrollable tears, while the rest of the cast look on uncomfortably.
“So it’s definitely not a youkai wedding then,” Inuyasha says.
“So…uh, who’s my bride than?” Sesshoumaru asks.

11:35 am
“You cheated!” Sango accuses Kikyou, brandishing a short straw in her face. “You cursed the straws! You knew I would pick it!”
Sango looks at Kikyou with a terrible expression on her face, while Kagome examines her straw, which appears to have turned into a tap-dancing chopstick.
“I absolutely refuse to marry that!” Sango points at a frilly lace-adorned Sesshoumaru who has decided to change into the wedding dress.
“Fine,” Sesshoumaru says snootily, “Don’t marry me then. But don’t expect me to hand over this garment…” He looks at the label. “A Georgio Amani indeed…glorious…”
Miroku takes in upon himself to make a stand. “Look, Sango, I might as well be the groom. I mean, you can’t marry Sesshoumaru, and I suppose you don’t want to marry his brother…”
Sango throws Miroku a furious look. “Don’t even try it!”
Miroku looks nonchalantly in Naraku’s direction. “Oh, ok then… just don’t blame me when your children grow up to have three legs…”

12.00 pm
Having angrily agreed to “marry” Miroku, Sango is rudely interrupted by Big Buttocks.
“Sorry, but you two can’t get married either. You see, Miroku is the only one qualified to be the priest.”
“What?” Says Kagome.
“I’m not a priest, I’m a monk,” Says Miroku.
“Same diff,” Says Kikyou.
“I thought we could decide who was the priest,” Inuyasha bursts out furiously. “It’s not even a real wedding so it shouldn’t matter!”
Big Buttocks remains obstinately silent, signifying that he won’t be persuaded otherwise.


12:30 pm
Finally, having wrestled the dress off Sesshoumaru, the wedding is almost in order. However, Sango is in a foul mood, seeing as the only eligible man left to marry is Inuyasha. Sesshoumaru and Naraku sit on the sidelines, letting out small yelps each time they see Sango angrily pull threads out of the dress.
“A wedding…” she mutters angrily. “Who’s crackpot idea was this anyway!? And how come I have to be the bride! It’s so stupid!”
The cast look on as Sango mutters to herself, while furiously pulling bits and pieces off the wedding dress.
“What’s wrong with her?” asks Inuyasha, elbowing Kagome in the side.
“Poor thing! It’s wedding-itis. The whole marriage thing must be getting to her.” Kagome tells him.
“Oh…” Inuyasha says, trying to look sympathetic, but just looking as though he’d swallowed a chicken.
“Well, if you ask me (“Which we didn’t,” Kagome growls), I’d say she’s just pissed off because she doesn’t get to marry Priest-boy anymore.” Kikyou says smugly.
“I heard that!” Sango snaps.
Sango grabs the dress and furiously throws it in Kikyou’s face.
“If you’re so into this marriage thing, why don’t you marry him then?” she shouts. “God knows, you’ve been implying all sorts of things around here…such a nuisance…kissing people…to hell...”
Sango’s angry fit dissolves, and she returns to sitting on the couch, muttering to herself.
Kikyou picks up the dress with an eerie grin, and says, “Fine, I will!”

1:00 pm
Naraku cooks up a brew in the kitchen, happy to have been designated the task of making a wedding cake. Sesshoumaru watches him restlessly, eating sparkly cachous one by one.
“It’s such a shame that my brother is getting married before me,” he says, shooting a sideways glance at Naraku.
Naraku titters. “Don’t worry about that, diddums, it means that you have more chance of becoming an uncle!”
Briefly, Sesshoumaru looks excited, then his shoulders slump as he says “But it isn’t a real wedding. It means nothing.”

In the meantime, having been definitely allocated the role of ‘priest’, Miroku is searching through his bags desperately, looking for his professional ‘marriage scrolls’, the ancient scripts which tell him exactly how to conduct a marriage. As he does his, he fails to notice other papers falling from his bags- his various diplomas designating him as first monk, then wandering monk, monk debonair and finally…priest.

1:30 pm
“I’m going to be a bride! I’m going to be a bride! Finally I can wear white…” Kikyou dances around the living room with her veil trailing behind her.
Inuyasha looks at her with utter despair as he is forced into a tuxedo by his brother.
Big Buttocks clears his throat once more. “Sorry Kikyou,” He says, and Kikyou goes red (the deceased equivalent of turning pale).
“You can’t marry either, because…well, frankly… once you’ve got a death certificate a marriage one is quite out of the question… the tax office would start asking questions…”
Kikyou is aghast. “No!” She screams, frightening Naraku’s eyebrows into his hair. “Never! I’ll never give up my Inuyasha!”
“Sorry,” Says Big B, “But that’s the way it goes. We had enough trouble convincing them to open your bank account in order to pay you for being on this show!”
Kikyou looks venomous. “Who’s going to marry him then?” Realization dawns on her face, and she points a trembling finger at Kagome. “It’s going to be that little hussy, isn’t it! rrrRRRrrrggghHHH!!!!!”
With a cat-like growl/screech, Kikyou floats out of the room, still wearing the dress. (“Gucci is wasted on the dead, such a shame, isn’t it Naraku?!”)

2.00 pm
It has taken almost three hours, but the plans for the wedding seem to be finally in order. At 2.10 Big Buttocks is informed that Inuyasha will marry Kagome, and that Miroku will be the ‘priest’. Sango will act as ‘best friend’ (having objected to being called ‘best man’) and Kikyou has informed everyone she has a secret plan of her own. Sesshoumaru and Naraku are content to be the flower girls, though look slightly put out when told that they are only allowed to throw flower petals and nothing else.

2.10 pm
Big Buttocks calls everyone to the kitchen, where he reveals that all along there has been a secret tile in the wall, which when sneezed on, reveals a trap door in the middle of the floor. Naraku looks smug, and when pressed, reveals that he has known about this particular feature all along. Nobody can account for Sesshoumaru’s smug look, however, and they do not have time to deliberate as Big Buttocks threatens them with tripe for dinner if they do not descend through the hole.

2.20 pm
All minus the dead member of the cast have descended through the trap door, and find themselves at one end of a beautiful underground cathedral, complete with stained glass windows and an elderly organist named Mrs Bucket (pronounced Bouquet). Big Buttocks uses a booming voice (which echoes uncannily around the church) to tell everyone to take their places- the wedding is about to start. The cathedral is not empty- Kagome sees various family members sitting in the pews. Her family is not the only one represented it seems; Inuyasha pretends not to notice the various trolls, youkai, ogres and dog-eared people waving at him from their seated positions, shunted up the back of the cathedral. Sesshoumaru does notice however, and can’t restrain himself from bobbing up and down on the balls of his feet and squealing “Uncle Greg! Aunt Virginia! Cousin it! Brother, look, it’s second-great step-mum Hulk!”
Naraku looks anxiously over the crowd for a representative from his family too; he appears contented as he sees a single, dismembered arm waving at him from two rows back on the left.

2.30 pm
The cast have been directed to their positions. Miroku stands up the front in priest’s robes, looking grand and impressive.
“Good afternoon,” He drawls in a practiced monotone, “We are gathered here today…artistic pause…to celebrate the union between these two young people……together in blessed harmony…together forever…flowery days…forever parallel over the starlit plains……”
Sango whispers excitedly to Kagome. “Gosh, it seems so real, doesn’t it!”
Kagome looks at her ‘groom’, who seems beside himself with nerves, and can’t bring himself to look at her. A few of the seams of his tux have burst, which, as Sesshoumaru reassures her, is nothing to worry about… it’s just that his hackles are rising.

3.40 pm
The wedding is progressing smoothly. Miroku has taken it upon himself to perform the extended service, complete with fiery descriptions of hell and the consequences of infidelity. Inuyasha is quaking in his boots.

3.59 pm
Miroku has nearly reached the final part of the service.
“If anyone has any reason for this couple not to be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace!”
All is silent; Sesshoumaru and Naraku wipe away happy tears and everyone leans forward in expectation. Miroku seems satisfied, and is about to proceed, then;
WHAM! The door at the back of the church flies open, and everyone gasps in shock...
“I OBJECT!”


Who is the invader who has interrupted the happy wedding? Place your vote in the poll, and next time on Big Buttocks the end of the story shall be revealed!




Who is the culprit?
Who is the culprit?
Kikyou; for revenge!
Rin; to find Sesshoumaru
Hojo-kun; save Kagome!
Naraku; just for fun
Kaede; just to be difficult
Inuyasha's OTHER girlfriend
Kagome's mum
Kouga; she's my wohman!
Colin Firth
A mushroom


view results

It was at this stage that a viewer's poll was taken as to who the invader was...
4.00 pm
Kikyou’s lame protest is not heard as the crash of opening doors resound through the church. Everybody gasps and looks towards the back of the church… a shadowed figure has appeared and runs into the hall. Mistaken for a protestor, Kouga is quickly grabbed by security guards and jump-tackled to the floor. “Kouga!” Kagome cries and runs in a flurry of white dress to the wolf demon, who seems to have sprouted a crop of acne that uncannily resemble shitake mushrooms.
“I do…” Kouga gasps, squashed by the buttocks of a security guard sitting on top of him. “I do…not…know where I left my toothbrush, do you reckon it’s in the house somewhere?”
Kagome smiles wistfully and hands him a small package of his belongings. “I thought you might be missing these.” The package contains among other things, his toothbrush, a stick and a single intact garden gnome that Kouga has left behind. (“My bubbus!”)
5:23 pm
Kagome has finally finished handing Kouga all his belongings, plus a collection of assorted… things he seems to have accumulated during his stay in the BB house. The cast wave cheerily as Kouga departs, followed by three utes and a horsedrawn cart, all fully laden. Sango notices a cushion hanging precariously from the side of the ute, and tucks it back in.
“HEY WAIT!” Miroku cries. Kouga turns back, hopeful for an invitation back into the BB house. “It’s just that… that… well… you’re still taping Passions for me aren’t you?”
Kouga mutters something about VCRs being so hard to program, and hurriedly walks off, leaving a distraught looking Miroku.
Eyes still following the disappearing figure of Kouga and the utes in the distance, Miroku dejectly mutters the closing sentence- “I now pronounce you hanyou and wife.”
“Oh snookumwooglygoo, I’m so happy!!!”
It appears that during the commotion caused by Kouga’s entrance, Sesshoumaru and Naraku have hijacked the wedding, changed clothes and duct taped Inuyasha and Kagome to the church organ pipes. Sesshoumaru is now playing the part of the bride, wearing the Gucci dress and glowing proudly, whilst Naraku looks almost handsome in the tux. Miroku, devasted after the realisation that he’s missing out on three weeks worth of his favourite daytime drama, appears to have not noticed. The newly married couple beam at one another.
A rumble of disapproval can be heard from the audience. It is unclear whether the dismembered arm is writhing in joy or something else; it eventually drops off the pew and onto the floor.
“Great auntie Myrtle! I told you to be careful!” wails Naraku, and rushes forward to his great aunt’s aid.
6:45pm
The last of the guests have been ushered out the door (with the few reluctant ones being carried off in potato sacks by the Big Buttocks security personnel), and the disgruntled cast have been called into the living room for an emergency meeting with Big Buttocks.
In the commotion they seem to have forgotten about Inuyasha and Kagome, who are still taped to the organ pipes in the secret underground cathedral.
7:45pm
“Feh.”
“You’d have thought at least one of them would remember to get us down from here…” grumbles a tired Kagome, “besides, I really, really need to pee…”
Inuyasha is strangely silent as he fumbles for something in his pocket – no easy feat given that his hands are secured with six rolls of Scotch Super Strength duct tape. After several minutes of struggling and mutters of “Hrmm… grmmph… ugh… feh…”, he appears to have succeeded. He clears his throat, and an awkward silence ensues.
“You know Kagome… I really wouldn’t have minded… us getting married I mean- well it’s not like I wanted to but compared to Sango I… hrm… feh,” he concludes.
“Inuyasha-“ Kagome begins, but stops as Inuyasha slips something small and round into her hands, which are taped behind her back. Kagome blushes.
“Oh my… it’s a…a…”
Inuyasha looks intently at her face.
“Is this really a…?”
Inuyasha blushes too but leans forward to gaze intently into Kagome’s eyes. “Well, I just wanted to tell you just how much I…I…lov-“
“Wait! Gandalf!!!” screams a voice, and the romantic tension is broken as a certain Mr Baggins and his faithful gardener burst through the cathedral door.
8:00pm
Inuyasha and Kagome are now untied – untaped rather – and wait for two furry-footed little men named Frodo and Sam to explain themselves. The hobbits themselves look no less confused.
“Well,” Frodo begins, “it all started when I heard about someone wanting a ringbearer…”
Kagome snorts.
“Well, you’re a bit late! The wedding was hijacked by his-“ Kagome jerks her head in Inuyasha’s direction- “brother and his freak boyfriend! We were tied up here just as we were about to…to…” She suddenly finds it hard to say “get married”.
Frodo wrings his pale hands agitatedly. “No, no, that’s not it at all!! No, I’m meant to get this-“ he holds up a perfectly symmetrical golden ring- “to the hell of all hells and chuck it into the Pit of Doom, in order to save the world!” He shuts his eyes and sighs heavily, swaying on his feet.
“It’s such a burden too…”
His faithful companion immediately bustles him up onto a pew and ties a bib around his neck. “Never you mind, Mr Frodo, we’ll have you fighting fit in no time, after a meal. ‘Ere…” He begins to spoonfeed Frodo out of a jar, fusses over his clothes and checks his hair for nits.
“Don’t you forget to chew your food now,” He tuts.
Inuyasha watches this scene disgustedly.
“Are you married?” He asks.
“No,” Sam sighs. “But I will be, as soon as this ring business is sorted out. I plan to propose to my love as soon as we get home!” Frodo perks up at this news.
“There now, ye’re all sorted out. We’d better set off again- it was a while since the elves waybread ran out, and I’m not sure how long this baby food of Elrond’s can last…”
“I think I know the place you’re talking about,” Kagome says suddenly. “Walk up the stairs there, and turn right- I’m pretty sure that this hellhole you’re talking about is there.”
“Thankyou so much,” Says Frodo breathlessly, and is bustled off by Sam, who brushes dandruff of his shirt as they hurry away.

‘I don’t get it,” Says Inuyasha, his face a picture of revulsion, “Were they getting married independently or together?” He suddenly sets his face in ‘grumpy mode’. “And how come they have such a nice ring?”
“Never mind,” Kagome says, looking at the one on her finger as they walk back up the aisle together, arm in arm. “Nothing can beat the one you gave me!” And she eats the stale cheezel from off her finger.
8.15 pm
Big Buttocks is furious. “How dare you!” He cries. “How dare you ruin Inuyasha and Kagome’s big day!”
Sesshoumaru and Naraku are sitting on the couch hand in hand, covered in confetti and rice.
“It was obvious they didn’t want to get married!” Sesshoumaru cries ecstatically. “We just thought it would be better all round if Miroku married off somebody who did! Anyway, it’s not as if it was a real wedding anyway.”
“That’s just it!” Big Buttocks howls as Miroku pipes up.
“Yes, eeuurgh, actually… I am a registered priest.” He reveals the secret scroll from his collection. “Yes… VIZ wasn’t entirely inaccurate when referring to me as a priest, not a monk. I’m legally allowed to wed and baptise. You two are legally bound from now on.”
There is silence as this news dawns on Sesshoumaru and Naraku. Their jaws drop and Sesshoumaru emits a strange grating nose. Sango sniggers.
“Yes…” Miroku continues. “This means that when you divorce, all your belongings are split equally and if one of you wants to donate organs when you die, the other will have to give permission.”
Sesshoumaru leaps high in the air. “But I have more possessions than him! His only belonging is a fridge! My agent will drop me! They’ll break my contract! I’m not an eligible bachelor anymore!!”
“You did say ‘I do’,” Miroku says. “It’s on your own head.”
Naraku does not look too pleased either. Devoid of his bubbly emotions, he only has one thing to say about the matter, and in a deep, gravelly voice issues forth with “Shite.”

9.00 pm
Big Buttocks has grounded Sesshoumaru in the broom cupboard, and Naraku in the attic from where inhuman ‘glop’ noises are emitted on a periodic basis.
Sango and Miroku sit together on the couch. The place feels eerily empty, what with the two troublemakers grounded, Inuyasha and Kagome missing, and Kikyou electing to remain in the church for the night because “It feels closer to home!”
“Is it possible for a priest to host his own wedding?” Sango asks.
Miroku raises an eyebrow.
“Well, imagine that hypothetically, you were stuck in the most deserted, desolate, isolated place in the world and you wanted to marry the woman you were with, could you do it?,” she asks.
“Well, actually in my branch of priesthood you can, though it’s not advisable,” Miroku says thoughtfully. “My colleague Jake tried it once and got so confused that by the end of the night he was married to his girl, his father and a napkin ring. Why?”
“Oh, just wondering.”
9.13 pm
Naraku has crept from the attic into the kitchen, in order to ritually bid goodnight to the contents of the fridge. He turns the corner and is confronted with a dramatic scene- the fridge is bursting with a red light and the food inside is writhing and churning.
“Throw it in, Mr Frodo!” cries Sam, perched on top of a carrot cake in a sea of hot jam lava that has burst all over the kitchen floor.
“I can’t do this, Sam!” Frodo cries, balancing perilously on a saucepan, brandishing the ring in front of the fridge.
“Do it, for all our sakes!”
“No!” Cries Naraku, and grabs hold of Frodo’s finger, just as he throws the ring into the fridge…
9.14 pm
BOOM!!!!!!
9.15 pm
Naraku prepares himself for the worst, and gingerly opens his eyes to survey the damage- to be confronted with a pristine, mould-free * and sparkling kitchen. It would appear that having reached the absolute possible threshold of evilness, Naraku’s fridge has had no choice but to come full circle and revert to its original state of purity.
“I can see the shire!” Frodo cries exuberantly, and is nudged by Sam- “No, sir, that’s just the garden outside…”
* Editors note; it was around this time that the health and safety regulators made an active decision to hereby cease attempting to clean the kitchen on the basis that 1.) it was too costly and the kitchen reverted to its original disgusting state all too soon and 2.) the big buttocks cast members had become accustomed to the high toxicity of their daily meals and to cleanse their systems so suddenly with healthy food had become a danger to their wellbeing.
9.20
A distraught Naraku has been punished, not only for leaving the attic but for refusing to explain why Frodo now has eleven fingers instead of the usual ten.

[RussianFox]

that's it, ladies and gents. we've finally caught up to live-action on BB. for now... more random stuff to follow...

[Noir]

http://animenewsnetwork.com/article.php?id=4999

[HELLFIRE]

Now HOW did I miss that announcement while I was down in San Diego

Ahh, must check that trailer for the fourth movie soon...








Regards

[Dannan]

wait a minute, it's finally ending? what about the manga, isn't that still going? NO!!! InuyashA!

[mika]

gonna miss those dogs

[RussianFox]

now that's intersting. i thought it'd have like 200+eps. i think the creator has finally come to his sences. good. less for me to buy.

[Teletha Testarosa]

lol. Yes.

Now Dragon Ball, that's the longest anime series i have ever seen.

[RussianFox]

*boots TT* don't defile this holy thread with that blasphemy!!!

[Circle]

Yea, I heard the rumor about it ending this fall before. Will the finally get the whole jewel and kill Naraku?? BTW, if that already happened, don't tell me cuz I haven't been watching it :p.

[HELLFIRE]

FINALLY finished the movie: now THAT is what you call a knock-down
kick-ass fight!! No holds barred, absolutely incredible animation....
why can't they do that on a regular basis I wonder

Plot-wise seems alittle contrived: Inuyasha's dad has a little competition
for the love of his human woman, and they kill each other over her, and
while InuYasha's father's soul rests in peace, Taku-whoever's doesn't;
never mind his char design looks like it came out of the 'reject pile for
alternate Naraku forms.'

Good points: Inuyasha as a baby Awwwww!! KA-WA-II!! Jaken's scenes
a real showstopper!! Nice history on Inuyasha's father... I see where
Sesshomaru got his looks from

...and just when Inuyasha thinks he's free from the rosary... FACEPLANT CITY!!












Regards

[mika]

are we the only two in this forum who have watched movie 3?

[Circle]

I'll have watched it by the end of the week...

[Circle]

I just watched it, good stuff. The battle in the begining of his father attacking the castle is awesome. Killer animation.

I was expecting Miroku to be suffering more from sucking up those zombies but it didn't look too bad. I saw the rosary coming a mile away, poor Inuyasha, Hahaha.

[HELLFIRE]

Wishlist for end of Inuyasha Anime:
- Mirkou & Sango wedding bells... or whatever passes for it in Feudal Japan
- Kikyou being able to rest in peace
- Naraku: DEAD FOREVER AND AIN'T COMING BACK!!
- Inuyasha & Kagome... euh
- Kagome... well, she's got QUITE a bit of school to catch up with








Regards