[FIC] Like Pulling Teeth (part 3)

[dd]

The alarm was growing ever more insistent.

Louder and louder the strident signal rang out, causing Kaname to hold her pillow tightly over her ears.

She was not going to school today. The way that she was feeling, there was little chance that she would be going anywhere today. Anybody showing up at her door would be ignored completely.

For some unknown length of time, she just lay in bed, thinking about nothing. She didn’t care if she got into trouble at school. But, that was unlikely. She was such a good and honest student, that she could tell her teachers that she had been ill and they would think nothing of it.

Kyouko might guess the truth. Shinji too, given the events of the last evening. But, she didn’t want to think about either of them. That would just get her to thinking about Sousuke.

Too late. Now she was done for. No doubt that clueless idiot would be the only thing she could think about for the rest of the day. Great! Just great! When it came down to it, he was the last person on earth that she wanted to think about.

“Stupid jerk. Stupid… stupid… stupid… stupid…”

What was more stupid? Sousuke, because he was so different than every other boy in existence? Or her, because she had hoped to make him something that he was not?

How could anyone have missed her hints on the way to school? How could anyone, having heard all that, go on to mistake Kyouko’s hints? How could anyone make the same mistake twice, the second time with Shinji?

“How could I have hoped for anything different?”

Laying on her back, Bonta-Kun doll clutched tightly to her breast, Kaname stared up at the ceiling, frowning when she noticed a few whispy cobwebs. Feeling melancholy, she wondered just how she had come to find herself in just that situation.

She thought back to the day that she had first seen Sousuke, stopped by the teacher. She had wondered just what kind of freak he was, when Miss Kagurazaka pulled what she thought was a toy gun out of his book bag.

Toy gun. Sure. Little did she know….

After that, a whole chorus of memories sang out for attention. Her bust for art class lay in the trash can. Souske tackled the teacher. The look on his face when he walked into the girls’ locker room. The rage she felt when she realized where his hand had been, shortly after he had pushed her out of the path of that truck. Sousuke on her balcony, holding her panties. Gauron. The staged date with Mizuki. Tessa in a towel. Behemoth. That damn security gate. Her disappointment on finding out the true reason that he had asked her to an island. Gauron again. That damned Bonta-Kun A.S. Pony Man and Officer Wakana. The amazing transformation of the Rugby Club. A janitor’s crazed spree with a chainsaw. Her trip to Hong Kong. So many things.

“Gee. I’ve been so fortunate!”

Her sarcasm fell on deaf ears. The Bonta-Kun doll was not impressed. Neither were the pictures of her mother and family.

The truth of the matter was, many of those memories were special to her now, even some of the ones that could have turned out so tragically. Why? The answer was easy.

Sousuke.

It was her own fault, in retrospect. What other girl could possibly have fallen for a complete cipher like him? After all the things she had been forced to deal with in her life, maybe her subconscious mind had some need to set her up for one fall after another.

Maybe. But that didn’t explain the aching she felt in her heart.

It had been a hopeless endeavor, attempting to get any sleep after she got home last night. Accordingly, she had spent a lot of time thinking. The conclusion she came up with did not sit well with her at all; but, it was probably best for her in the long run.

There was no sense putting any hope whatsoever in Sousuke. But why should she want to? Why subject herself to that kind of life? She thought back to her time aboard the cruise ship, when she and Sousuke were trying to deal with the damn robots. Even then, realizing that she truly loved him, she mourned the fact that her seventeenth Christmas Eve had been spend in such an insane fashion.

Her cell phone rang. Out of curiosity, she picked it up and checked the caller I.D., even though she had no intention to answer it. It was Kyouko’s cell phone number. No doubt she was worried about her.

Should she call after all? No. At least not now. She just didn’t feel up to it.

Pulling the cover up over her chin, Kaname nibbled on it a moment, before stopping herself. She was surprised that Sousuke hadn’t called. For a brief moment, her eyes narrowed. She wondered if he might have a small digital camera hidden somewhere in her room. If he didn’t maybe Mao or that lech Weber did!

“Ooooooh! ”

If Mithril had invaded her privacy in that manner, they would pay! After Sousuke did! But, it was unlikely that any such device could be hidden anywhere. Right? Wraith would have told her if there was one, wouldn’t he have?

Unless he had done so himself!

Kaname clenched her teeth. She often walked around her bedroom naked, after getting out of the shower and toweling off, before she got dressed in the morning. She relaxed by degrees. She was being unduly paranoid.

But, it left her feeling betrayed somehow. Even though she didn’t want to see Sousuke at the moment, he should have at least checked up on her. It was possible that the big idiot had guessed that she was too upset to come to school. But, how could he be certain that Amalgam hadn’t struck again?

“Jerk!”

For a moment, she considered the flipside. What if something had happened to Sousuke? She sat upright, her face intense. Tossing her hair, she lay back down. Why should she be concerned about that loser?

So what, if he might have attacked again by Tsubaki, or taken to jail by the police? He deserved it, didn’t he? Yes! Maybe he reported everything that happened to that Kalinin guy, or to Tessa. They would be quick to see his folly! Right! They might even remove him from the mission.

Her life would be better that way, wouldn’t it? Maybe it would force Wraith into taking a more active role, assuming the mantle of protector in addition to observer.

Who was she fooling?

“I hate this! I hate it… I hate it… I hate it….”

There was a banging at Kaname’s door. She sat up again, biting her lip. It sounded like Sousuke’s knock. What should she do? She felt her anger rising, and didn’t feel like dealing with that moronic military miscreant.

If she answered the door, and sent him on his way, she would be done with him. After that, he could do or say as he pleased, as long as he left her to her misery. But, if she didn’t open the door, what then? Could that big idiot think that she might be injured or held captive? Might he be concerned that she could have been kidnapped?

No. If something terrible happened, Wraith would know. No doubt he would report in, and Sousuke would get an official report through channels. He probably wouldn’t knock, then. No doubt he would have kicked the door down instead.

Laying back down, Kaname pulled the blanket up over her head. She would ignore him. He would knock a few more times, then head off on his way. If he was in a rush, he might shout out to Wraith again, figuratively tying the Intelligence agent’s underwear in knots.

She smiled, thinking of that. The smile quickly vanished.

“Kaname?”

Yes. That was Sousuke’s voice. He called out a number of times more, knocking each time. Kaname felt somewhat relieved that he had showed up, and that he was being persistent. But, she really hoped that he would go away.

There was a sound. It was hard to make out. It came from the direction of her apartment door. He couldn’t be! No. Not with her dressed like this!

Before Kaname could get out of bed, she heard the sound of the door lock disengaging. Sousuke had used some kind of lock pick! Taking too much time debating whether she should stay under the cover or make a mad dash to the bathroom, she lost all chance at making a choice.

“Kaname?”

Clenching her fists, Kaname saw red. That big idiot! Breaking and entering? The reason didn’t matter….

“SOUSUKE! YOU GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT. NOW!!!”

Kaname didn’t care if the neighbors overheard her. Maybe it would be good if they did. One of them might call the manager, or put in an emergency call to the police.

Sousuke’s footsteps headed towards her room, not away.

“Chidori! If you can speak, are you being held captive?”

“NO, YOU MORON! I AM SITTING IN MY BED IN MY PAJAMAS! AND YOU ARE INTRUDING ON MY PRIVACY. GET OUT!!!”

Kaname swallowed hard. She had been so depressed last night, that she had simply slipped on her pajama top and bottom, without putting on any undergarments. For a moment, she almost felt as if she were completely naked under her blanket.

“If there is a captor, he could be forcing you to say that. I will leave once I am certain that you are not under duress.”

Sousuke held a small mirror into Kaname’s room, attached to the end of a slim metal rod. The mirror turned this way and that. After a few moments, Sousuke peeked in around the frame of Kaname’s door.

“DURESS? DURESS! OF COURSE I’M UNDER DURESS. THERE’S A BIG STUPID JERK STARING AT ME WHEN I’M UNDER DRESSED.”

Kaname threw a pillow at Sousuke. That was followed by more pillows, and the Bonta-Kun doll. Soon, the alarm clock was speeding towards Sousuke’s head.

“PERVERT!!!”

A lamp followed after the alarm clock. Sousuke quickly backed away from the door.

“Uhhh…… I take it you are indeed here alone. Uhhh…… I will be leaving now. I just….. I just wanted to make certain that you were safe….”

Kaname put down the drawer she had slid out of her nightstand. He looked over at the door, her feelings mixed.

“Alright. Just leave, OK? And make certain that you lock the front door!”

“Affirmative,” Sousuke sounded both relieved and unhappy. “And, I am sorry. Not about the intrusion. That was necessary. About my being so stupid….”

His footsteps indicated that he was heading out of the apartment. But, his final comment had Kaname’s eyes going wide. Just what was Sousuke trying to say?

“SOUSUKE! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING?”

She listened. The front door didn’t open. But, Sousuke’s footsteps hadn’t changed course. He was obviously standing still, puzzled.

“WELL?!”

“Kaname?”

The girl slapped her hand down against her bedspread.

“Who else would it be, you moron?”

“Uhhh….I meant…”

Kaname couldn’t help but grin. It was good to confuse Sousuke. He deserved it. It was the least that she could do.

“Idiot! You better explain yourself, before I change my mind and call the police or something.”

Sousuke began walking again. Kanme expected him to stop just outside of her bedroom door. Instead, he stood directly in the doorway, looking over at her. She looked down. The blanket lay clumped around her waist.

“Uhhh….”

Sousuke stared for a moment, then swallowed hard. His gaze switched over to the ceiling. He found the same cobweb.

Kaname felt her face going warm. Just what had Sousuke been looking at? No! She didn’t want to know.

But….

“Sergeant Sagara! You aren’t blushing, are you? There had better be no reason for that!”

“Uhhh….”

The young soldier stood straighter, but could not bring himself to look at Kaname, even though she had pulled the blanket up over her pajama top.

“Sousuke!” Kaname’s eyes flashed. She had asked a question. The big stupid head had better answer!

“It…… well….”

“SOUSUKE!!!”

“It is not a problem….. you see…… I merely….” Sousuke was sweating, big time. He swallowed hard again. “It was involuntary…… the way that your garments hung…… the localized tenting of the fabric….”

It was Kaname’s turn to be perplexed. She was too tired to be able to adequately translate Sousukeese.

“What are you trying to say, Sousuke?”

“Uhhh…… it is not a problem…… the answer would serve no recognizable purpose….”

“OOOOO-O-O-O-O-H!”

Sousuke blinked rapidly. Sighing, he spoke again.

“For a moment, I found myself wondering if you…… uhhh…… were wearing…… you know……”

Kaname swallowed hard. She should probably let things stop right there! But, she was in a very contrary mood.

“A bra, Sousuke?”

Sousuke nodded.

Kaname closed her eyes. Her upper lip curled. While part of her was glad that he had shown the inclination to look, most of her was royally pissed off.

“Get…… out…… of…… my…… bedroom…… you jerk!” Still wanting him to tell her how he was feeling, she clarified matters. “Wait in the living room while I get dressed!”

“By your command, Kaname.”

“GO!!!”

Fifteen minutes later, Kaname and Sousuke were standing in the largest room of her apartment, staring at one another. She had thrown on the first clothes she had come across: by coincidence, it was one of the outfits she had left out from the other morning.

Her mood was definitely different than it had been at that time. But, at least she felt as if things were normalizing. Whatever that word meant where she and a certain soldier were concerned.

“OK, Sousuke. You were telling me how stupid you were. We both know that. Hopefully, there’s more to it than a useless confession. Hmmmpppfff!”

Kaname sounded tough, but at that moment felt strangely vulnerable. She might be the stupid one, getting her hopes up. But, she couldn’t help herself.

“It…… I…… affirmative.” Sousuke looked down at his feet, obviously struggling with some concept. “Shinji was not interested in me in…… uhhh…… that way.”

“And?” Kaname began tapping her foot.

“Kyouko was also not interested in me as a boyfriend.” Sousuke’s voice grew more confident.

“OK. And?” Kaname’s began tapping one hand against her hip. If he messed up this time, she would throw him off of her balcony, or jump herself.

“Yesterday morning, you made efforts to dress very nicely.” Sousuke looked at the clothing that Kaname now had on. He swallowed hard when she involuntarily struck a pose. “It seems that you also tried to get me to see certain facts while we walked to school.”

“Yes,” Kaname said. “And yes. Sooooooo….” She tossed her hair nervously, taking a half step forward. Realizing what she had done, she wrinkled up her nose and walked over to look out of her window.

“Well……uhhh….” Sousuke walked over to look out of a different window. Catching a brief reflection of light, he began reaching for his gun. He fought down the urge to throw Kaname to the ground. Could that have been Wraith?

“What’s more important, Sousuke?” Kaname looked over at him. “Something outside, or something in here?”

“Kaname? Did you notice a flash of light on top of the other building?” Even before Kaname growled, Sousuke realize his mistake. “That is not important. Well, it is, but….”

“SOUSUKE!”

Kaname tried to calm herself down. This was the worst possible time to fly off of the handle. Sousuke was trying to say something. If it didn’t come out in the fashion that she wanted, she would just have to be patient.

“This doesn’t have to be like pulling teeth, does it Sousuke?”

Sousuke rubbed the back of his neck, the look on his face clearly indicating that he was perplexed.

“Teeth, Kaname?”

“AHHHHHH!” Kaname couldn’t help herself. “TEETH, SOUSUKE….” She was trembling noticeably. “As in what you stand to lose….”

There was a knock at Kaname’s door.

“Miss Chidori…… are you alright, Miss Chidori….” It was her next door neighbor, a kindly old woman who lived alone with her cats.

“Yes! I’m fine Miss Shikomi. Thank you!” After Kaname said that, she crossed her arms over her chest and looked at Sousuke. She swallowed the words that would have blamed him for worrying a poor old retiree.

“Those facts that you tried to get me to see. They…… it didn’t…… I probably should have….” Sousuke ran his hand across his forehead, pushing his hair to the side. “I could not make the connection…… someone thinking about me that way.” He blinked repeatedly. “Even though you have been more kind and affectionate towards me lately…… and Captain Testarossa has made efforts to….”

Kaname’s face clouded up immediately. The mention of Tessa certainly didn’t help.

“Really? I ask Kyouko to try and get you to see the obvious, and you end up thinking that she was thinking that way about you.” She had her hands on her hips. She looked incredulous. “I mean, come on! I blackmailed Shinji into making an attempt, and you think that he….” Kaname’s eyes teared up slightly. She looked down at her feet. “That was really stupid, Sousuke…… thinking that another boy…… you know….” She looked up at him, feeling very vulnerable at the moment. “You thought that way about them…… why not me?”

“Uhhh…… well….” Sousuke looked down at his feet, feeling somewhat edgy.

“Is it…… is it because of the way I treat you sometimes. You know. When I boss you around, or get upset with you….” Kaname clasped her hands together. “Or…… or is it because….. is it because you wouldn’t want me to feel that way about you?” For some reason, she felt the weight of past years pressing down upon her. She thought back to the way she had felt in Junior High.

“Kaname, my errors were in part due to the cumulative effect of the statements that I had heard throughout the day, starting with the things that you had said.” Sousuke felt cold inside, hearing the discomfort in Kaname’s voice. “That, and the fact that I was rash in my assumptions.”

“So…… what else is new….” Kaname sat down on her couch, running her hand along the hem of her skirt. That was not the heartfelt disavowal that she had hoped for.

“I apologize,” Sousuke said, walking over to the window again. He spoke, watching the cars pass by on the street below. “My inadequacy as a person causes people a great number of hardships, it seems.” His eyes took on a faraway look. “If I had no value as a soldier, I suppose I would have nothing to offer anyone.”

Kaname looked up, her eyes widening. She wanted to say something to reassure Sousuke, but felt it was best to let him speak. This wasn’t the first time that he had expressed some doubt about himself. But, it was the first time he had done so after realizing how Kaname felt about him.

“I’m assigned to take care of you, Kaname.” Sousuke spoke quietly. “But, if you were to ask Wraith, he would say that I do a terrible job.” That had Sousuke looking out at the opposite building again. “Still, I try my best. I think that you know that.”

Kaname remained silent, but nodded her head.

“But…… uhhh…… I cannot allow myself to….” Sousuke clenched his one hand into a fist. Kaname noticed, leaning more towards the troubled young man. “The feelings I have…… they leave me confused…… but I cannot afford to think them through. I might….” He sighed.

“You might realize that you care for me? Not just as a friend?” Kaname looked up at his face. She was disappointed when Sousuke turned away.

The young operative didn’t answer.

“Sousuke?” Kaname stood up, and took a tentative step in his direction. Shaking her head, she sat back down.

“Affirmative.”

That word should have had Kaname on her feet, clicking her heels together. Instead, she somehow felt saddened. There had been no enthusiasm whatsoever in Sousuke’s response.

“Is that so awful, Sousuke?”

“Yes,” Sousuke answered. “No.” He put his hand up to his brow. “I am caught between two rocks….” He banged against the glass, showing a rare burst of emotion. “My life would have been easier if they had simply left me on the submarine.”

This time, Kaname did stand up. She tried to shake off her malaise, realizing just how much more conflicted Sousuke must be than her. It was hard to believe that was possible! But, she would never trade places with him for even a moment.

Part of her felt nervous. She remembered a time aboard the TDD-1 when she had offered him words of encouragement, only to have him lash out and say things that were hurtful to her. Even so, he had risked his life to rescue her, and the two of them had worked together to save the amazing undersea craft.

“Sometimes, things are very hard, Sousuke. I can surely speak to that. You can, too.” Kaname began walking slowly towards the disconsolate young soldier. When she was inches away, she softly placed her hand on his shoulder. Her mouth fell open, when she realized that he was shivering.

“Yes.” Sousuke’s answer was nearly impossible to hear.

“But…… if someone works hard enough…… if they give something everything they have…… things can turn out better than they would ever imagine.” Kaname brought her hand back down. “That happened to me, when I moved up to High School.”

“I understand. You have told me the stories.” Sousuke spun slowly, still unable to look Kaname in the eyes. “But, that was possible for you. I do not have that luxury.”

Kaname’s eyes widened, then immediately narrowed. She felt a tightness in her chest and a sudden burning in her belly.

“CRAP!!!”

Sousuke actually jumped ever so slightly. He stared at Kaname, as if seeing her for the first time.

“K-K-Kaname?”

“I said ‘crap’, Sousuke. That’s what it is. Crap!” If Kaname were one to spit, she would have spat then and there.

“I don’t….”

“OF COURSE NOT! ”

Her anger built up even further.

“It’s always ‘don’t’ or ‘can’t’ or ‘I fail to understand’ with you, isn’t it?” Her eyes flashed. Color came to her cheeks. “That’s not just clueless, Sousuke. It’s cowardice.” She poked him in the chest with her fingernail. “I…… thought…… better…… of…… you….” She shook her head. “Why do I even bother?”

“Kaname…… what….”

“Oooooooooh! You have to open your eyes, Sousuke. You have to take the time to think, sometimes. It’s real easy to say you have no choice, and to follow the same old routine. I know. I’ve been there. And I don’t want to go back there again!” Tears began streaming down her face. Before either of them knew it, she began sobbing.

“I don’t….” Sousuke tensed up, hearing those exact words. He was shocked, when Kaname began banging her fists against his chest. “I’m sorry, I can’t….” He had done it again. Kaname was right. It came so easily. He saw a chance, and this time took it, facing a risk that didn’t seem so daunting at that moment. “Help me….”

Kaname kept sobbing, but her hands grabbed the fabric of his shirt. She placed her forehead against his chest. Sousuke didn’t know what to do. He stared at his hands, and then down at the hair on Kaname’s head. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and placed his hands on her back.

The two of them stood like that for a while, even after Kaname’s sobbing ceased. She made no effort to wrap her arms around him, and he still held her as if she were made of fragile China.

“I would have thought that you would have figured things out sooner,” Kaname said, her voice terribly muffled. “Especially after the last time we stood like this, just after you returned to school after leaving without telling me.”

“”I…… well….”

“Especially since a certain girl forced a Mithril Intelligence agent to take her with him and find you in Hong Kong!” Kaname shook Sousuke lightly.

“I was feeling…… at that time things were….”

“OHHHHHH!”

Kaname shook Sousuke hard, lifting her head up and frowning.

“You really are an idiot, aren’t you! And a moron! And a jerk!” She let go of his shirt. “How could anyone be so stupid, as to miss the fact that the girl must care a great deal about him?” In a voice that Sousuke couldn’t hear, she added “And is in love with him.”

“But Kaname,” Sousuke tilted his head, reflecting back on the day that Kaname referenced. It was the day that she had helped him accept his role with Arbalest, rediscover his will to fight, and spurred him to go on and make easy work of a group of Venom Arm Slaves. “When you gave reason for seeking me out…… you said it was to keep me from failing out of school….”

“AHHHHH-H-H-H-H!”

Kaname kicked Sousuke in the shin, hard. Then, she immediately became contrite. That past encounter had not been her finest hour. Wanting to admit her feelings for him, she had chickened out when it mattered most.

“I’m sorry, Sousuke. I guess you just have a way with women.” She tried to smile. “You’re too clueless, right? And I’m too proud sometimes, unwilling to admit my mistakes. And when I’m not being too arrogant, I’m sometimes scared….”

“That hurt, Kaname.”

“Oh really? Is that what you want to say to me at a moment like this?” Kaname’s eyes narrowed. Her fake smile showed a lot of teeth.

“Uhhh…… negative…… it is not.” He looked down at the large wet spots on his shirt, caused by Kaname’s tears. “It seems that you wish for me to care about you. But that…… I am inexperienced at that kind of thing…… and it would compromise my mission….”

“If there was no mission, what would you want?” Kaname tried to remain under control. Now was not the time to vent about duty and obligation.

“Kaname, if there was no mission, I would not have been here.”

“I…… CAN’T ….. TAKE IT…… ANYMORE….”

With each word, Kaname gave Sousuke a savage kick.

“If there was no mission…… and I was here in school with you……” Sousuke thought a moment. He would make an attempt at levity. Other people seemed able to use that method to diffuse emotional situations. “I would like you to refrain from kicking me.”

“Sorry,” Kaname said, looking a bit sheepish. “I still think you deserve it,” she added defiantly. But, her arrogance quickly extinguished herself, when she wondered just how that kind of reaction affected Sousuke. “Does my kicking you….”

“Kaname?”

“I mean…… I’m pretty rough on you some times and…” Kaname frowned. “And you changed the subject again!”

“Uhhh…” Sousuke could spare a small admission. It would not serve as a commitment. “I would rather have you kicking me than anyone else.” That simple truth had Sousuke beginning to sweat some. He watched the change in Kaname’s face with some degree of curiosity. “If there was no mission…… and you did not damage me too severely….” He swallowed hard again. This was more difficult than anything he had to face professionally for a good while.

“Yes?” Kaname’s fingers fluttered ever so slightly.

“I do not know the right words for it.” Sousuke scratched his head. “But, I would like to stay by your side, Kaname. It is where I feel the best…… I think…… when I am not in the middle of combat.” He nodded his head. “It’s more dangerous, though.”

Kaname smiled. Not because Sousuke was attempting to use humor. That was indeed miraculous in its own right. But, he had obviously been honest in his confession. Confused, but honest.

“It’s only dangerous when you disappoint me,” she said, a few happy tears dotting her lashes. “Or when I’m really upset. But that doesn’t happen all that often, right?” She gave him a pointed look.

“If I answer truthfully, will you kick me again?” Sousuke looked down at Kaname’s feet.

“No,” Kaname said, fluffing her hair. “My feet hurt.”

“I see. In any case, I think you are aware of the truth, Kaname.” It was Sousuke’s time to look stern. “But the fact remains that my wishes are not very important. I am a soldier. I have been given a mission. While Lt. Commander Kalinin seems proud of me when I stand up for myself, I do not think I have much room for self-gratification.”

“But….” Kaname felt that sinking feeling in her belly again.

“It is best that I do not allow myself to be…… distracted….” Sousuke looked somewhat resigned to his fate. “Were I to grow too close……” He began sweating again. “If I were to ask you out on a date, I would compromise my ability to protect you.”

“BULLSHIT!!!”

It would be difficult to determine who was more shocked, Kaname or Sousuke. The word had simply exploded from Kaname’s lips, despite the fact that she almost never swore.

“Kaname….”

“Sousuke, your misguided thinking and unnecessary surveillance is always what gets us in trouble!” Kaname stomped her foot, suddenly looking like an irate fishwife. “It’s you skill and reactions that save the day.” She exhaled a long deep breath, and then made an effort to regain her composure. “Besides, the more time you spend close to me, the safer I would be, right?”

“Uhhh…. There is some logic to that…… but….”

“And, if you grow to care more deeply about me, you will be even more inclined to keep me safe, right?” Kaname struck a pose. For a moment, she felt like she had made a triumphant point.

“That would be correct,” Sousuke admitted, hand behind his head. “But, I would then have two loyalties. That kind of relationship might very well conflict with my duties as a soldier.”

“Duty!” Kaname threw her hands up. “How I hate that word. I hate it Sousuke. I really do!” She furrowed her brow and shook a finger at him. “Is that all you ever want in your life? Duty? Geez!”

“I do not think so…… but….” Sousuke had thought on that subject a number of times. He had offered his resignation to the head of Intelligence at Mithril, but instead had resumed his mission at half pay, not feeling he should be recompensed for his time at Jindai, as that was serving his own purpose now.

“These are the best years of our lives, Sousuke.” Kaname’s look was almost pleading. “I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that I had wasted these days. Right? Can’t you understand what I’m trying to say?” She walked over close to him again, tempted to lean up against him and burrow her head under his shoulder. “You deserve some happiness too! You really do! I might be the only one who cares about that. You should care about it too!”

“I don’t know if….”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

Kaname screamed, wanting to let all of the frustration out. Afterwards, she bit off her words one at a time. “You…… make…… this…… so…… hard….” Kaname put her finger on Sousuke’s nose. “You mean so much to me, Sousuke. You really do. I want you to understand that, if nothing else.” Kaname’s eyes were intense. “Don’t I mean a lot to you, too?”

Sousuke reached up and moved Kaname’s finger.

“Yes.” He held the finger in his hand, looking down at it with a worried look. “It is a problem.”

“Only if you let it be, Sousuke.” Kaname leaned into him, sighing. “You do have choices, right? We both do. I think I know what’s bothering you.”

“Kaname?” Sousuke didn’t know what to do. He almost felt as if he wanted to wrap his arms around Kaname. She would probably like that. But, would that action oblige him to do more?

“You’re afraid to care about someone, because you might be forced to leave her behind. I have the same fear. I never know when you might leave for good.” She banged her head against his chest. “But, do you really have to leave? Can’t you…… can’t you…… can’t you choose me instead?”

Kaname felt dirty asking that, knowing full well what Sousuke had been through, and what Mithril had done for his life. But, in a way, the organization was his parent. Sooner or later, parents should let their children go. Besides, she was willing to share him with those bastards. Couldn’t they be big enough to do the same?

“You ask difficult questions, Kaname.” Sousuke looked more troubled than before. “Would it be alright if we sat down?”

“Sure.”

Sousuke moved a pillow and sat at one end of Kaname’s couch. His eyes looked frantic for a moment, when Kaname sat directly next to him, and placed her head on his shoulder.

“You know that I almost left Mithril before.”

“Yes. I wish you had. Even though I am grateful for their protection of me….” Kaname pursed her lips. “It’s not entirely altruistic, you know? But, it’s not like I can stop being Whispered!”

“But you also know that I am the only one capable of piloting Arbalest. And despite constant words to the contrary…… and ignoring Tessa’s attempts…… the ARX-7 remains the only functional Lamba Driver equipped Arm Slave in Mithril.” Giving into his desires, he slipped an arm loosely around Kaname, ignoring the sweat building up on his brow.

Kaname wriggled some, and then snuggled against him, smiling. That had Sousuke feeling strange. But, it was not a bad strange.

“I am the only blue-haired Whispered girl at Jindai High School.”

That statement had Sousuke staring straight ahead, focusing on nothing in particular. He tightened his arm around Kaname just the slightest bit. He was amazed, but not only at his own actions. When he had gotten there, Kaname had been very upset. Later, she had become very angry. Now, she seemed happy.

“But, there are other people whose safety rests in my hands, Kaname. And, I could not accomplish the things I do without Mithril. I do not know if I want to change those facts. A sense of purpose is a good thing, is it not?” He remembered what his life had been like, when he was little more than an animal.

“I’m very generous, Sousuke.” Kaname rubbed her face against his shirt. “I’m quite willing to share. It’s just the kind of girl I am. You’re very lucky.”

Sousuke felt a moment of panic. It almost sounded as if Kaname thought that she owned him or something. Worse, part of him did not seem averse to that idea. Unexpectedly, a mischievous streak he hadn’t known he possessed introduced itself.

“I suppose if I did remain in Japan for an extended period of time…… and stopped worrying about when I would be called back to standard duty…… I could choose any girl that I wanted to accompany.”

Kaname opened her eyes, frowned, and nipped Sousuke hard with her teeth.

“OUCH!” Sousuke jumped. “That hurt! More than the kicks.”

“I suppose it did!” Kaname snorted. “And you are very much mistaken. No matter what, if you were allowed to stay for any length of time, I would choose the girl you want to accompany. Hmmmpppfff. Moron!”

Sousuke sat quietly for a while after that, rubbing the sore area. Kaname was content to sit quietly, reclining up against him.

“I suppose…… uhhh…… it would not hurt to experience dating.” Sousuke shocked himself even more than he surprised Kaname.

Kaname sat up straight, feeling dizzy after having changed position so quickly.

“What was that? I want to make certain I hadn’t fallen asleep, and wasn’t dreaming or something.”

“You were snoring, Kaname.” Sousuke wondered why he found himself teasing Kaname in that fashion.

“I was…… you mean…… you didn’t….” Kaname twitched.

“No, Kaname. I was joking.” Sousuke actually looked a bit smug.

“Yeh, right!” Kaname smiled. “I must have been asleep!” She sat up on her knees, looking down at Sousuke. “Did you mean it? Would you really like to go out on dates with me?”

“If they turn out to be a pleasant experience,” Sousuke said. “So far, I have been kicked, pounded upon, and bitten.” He rubbed his sore spot again. “It has not been pleasant.”

“Big baby!” Kaname pinched Sousuke’s cheek. Then, overcome with exuberance, she bent down and kissed him lightly on the lips.

“Kaname…… that was a kiss….” Sousuke looked like he had stumbled upon the Loch ness Monster in his bath tub.

“Wow. I can’t put anything by you, can I?” Kaname smirked. “Get used to it! People do that kind of thing on dates, you know.” She suddenly felt like singing. That, or kissing Sousuke again.

“Uhhh….”

“It’s going to take a lot of work to whip you into shape, isn’t it Sousuke?” Kaname sighed, but didn’t sound unhappy.

“It would appear so.” Sousuke had visions of Basic Training. He shook his head to chase them away.

“Well then, I suppose we should get started. That kind of thing doesn’t take care of itself, you know!” Kaname smiled.

“What? I don’t….”

Kaname scowled. She began rapping her fingers against the back of the couch.

“Kaname?”

“What… do… you… think… you… should… do… now… soldier?” Kaname’s mouth was a razor-straight line.

“Uhhh…… walk with you to school?” Sousuke looked up at the clock on the wall.

“NO!” Kaname frowned. “Idiot….”

“But…. classes….” Sousuke rubbed his head. “Tell you that your clothing is especially attractive?”

“NEGATIVE!” Kaname rubbed her chin. “But hold that thought….”

Sousuke went pale for a moment. He almost said ‘Kiss you?’ He certainly wasn’t ready for that. Who knows what Kaname might answer!

“I don’t….” Sousuke’s thoughts flew in all directions, like a group of butterflies taking to the air. “We are late from school…… you are dressed very nicely….” He prepared for Kaname’s next loud exclamation. But, it would buy him some more time as he tried to arrive at the correct response.

“BAKA!” Kaname put her forehead against Sousuke’s. “What have we been talking about all this time….”

“Uhhh…… oh…… dating….”

“Good boy!” Kaname patted Sousuke on the cheek. “I knew you could do it!”

“What about dating, Kaname?”

“AHHHHH-H-H-H-H!”

Kaname turned and faced the door, having heard footsteps approaching. “It’s OK, Miss Shikomi.” She had preempted her neighbor’s knock.

“Kaname, you said that it was worth it, getting through difficulties.” Sousuke grinned, feeling somewhat free.

“I was wrong.” Kaname hung her head.

“Were you expecting me to ask you on a date? Was that the issue?” Sousuke guessed correctly. Finally.

“Yes.” She looked up. “Don’t you want to, Sousuke?”

The young Mithril pilot remained silent for a while. As short as the intermission was, Kaname felt like it was an eternity.

“When I saw Gauron again, there was little left of him before I…… before I shot him, as he lay helpless. But, as incomplete and as weakened as he was, he still possessed the power to harm me. The trap he had set almost took me with him. Worse, he told me that you had been killed.” Sousuke thought back to that moment. Not long after that, Kaname had found him with Wraith’s help.

As if she wanted to memorize his reaction for all time, Kaname scrutinized Sousuke’s face carefully.

“I thought I had lost you. It felt as if I had lost my remaining reasons to live.” Sousuke sat forward and rested his chin on his fist. “No doubt our new relationship will be noted by Wraith, and word will reach my superiors. That could be a problem. Tessa will no doubt be very sad. But, that cannot be helped.” His eyes held a look that Kaname couldn’t interpret. “I think, for me, that it might prove a good thing.”

Kaname felt an ebbing of tension, having been unaware of just how tightly she had been wound. A calculating look on her face, she decided that she would deal with Wraith. The spy would not be any problem whatsoever, if he knew what was good for him.

As for Tessa? Kaname was in no mood to gloat, despite her apparent victory. The less that the other girl became a viable rival, the more she would feel sorry for her. It couldn’t be easy, having so many responsibilities on top of being Whispered.

“Well, good. Very good. That wasn‘t so hard, was it? So, Sosuke…… what should we do for our first date?” Kaname voice was bubbly again. “I expect you to do some of the planning, you know. The girl shouldn’t have to do all of the work!” For a moment, her mouth went dry.

Sousuke? Doing the planning? Would that be a good idea?

“Ahhhh… I had not considered the fact that dating would require strategy and tactics….” Sousuke’s voice had brightened considerably. “Reconnaissance will be necessary, of course. That should prove simple. But, I will need to gather intelligence, since I am oooppphhh!”

Kaname had swung a pillow with her full strength.

“OOOOOOOOOOOH! DON’T YOU RUIN THIS, MISTER!”

“But… Kaname…”

The pillow came around again, rocking Sousuke’s head back on his neck.

“It is not ‘But…Kaname…’, do you hear me?” Kaname began swinging much more lightly, in playful fashion. She handed Sousuke a pillow.

Sousuke looked down at the overstuffed cushion, wondering why Kaname had given it to him. Was it to shield himself from her attacks? Or did she expect him to strike her in return?

“I was going to suggest that one of our first dates be to the city Library, where we could do research into dating. That would….” He was forced to duck, as the pillow headed for his face. “Wait, it would….” He held his pillow up, blocking Kaname’s forceful overhead blow. “The two of us together….”

“BAKA! BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA.”

Pillows seemed to come out of nowhere, descending from all possible angles. Sousuke blocked as well as he could, but Kaname was very determined. Finally, the young soldier released his cushion, and grabbed with both hands onto Kaname’s. Yanking with all of his strength, he expected to pull it out of her grasp.

Instead, he merely pulled Kaname on top of him, her weight knocking him onto his back. He braced himself for an even fiercer attack, remembering what happened when his actions led to accidental proximity of this kind.

Kaname blushed, but smiled. She let go of the pillow and looked down at Sousuke. Seeing the look in his eyes, she was confused at first. But, she soon understood. “It’s OK, Sousuke.” She giggled, seeing that he had begun to sweat again. “Now that we’re dating, it’s not a problem” She tried to sound stern, but couldn’t keep from smiling. “From now on, we will want to end up like this sometimes.”

“Uhhh….” Sousuke swallowed hard. He realized that he was not uncomfortable. Far from it. But, he wondered just how far such situations were supposed to go. “It feels very pleasant, but….”

“Hmmmmmm?” Kaname smiled. She would have been very angry had Sousuke pushed her of or tried to roll out from under her. She didn’t intend anything intimate, but certainly didn’t mind the chance to be close to him.

“Are you…… will you….” Sousuke was very aware of his hands. He didn’t know where he should put them. He wasn’t certain where he wanted to put them. “Is it your intention to remove your clothing now?”

For Kaname, it felt as if someone had poured a bucket of ice water on her. Her face clouded up, and she pushed away from Sousuke.

“YOU! YOU! YOU JERK! JUST WHAT KIND OF GIRL DO YOU THINK I AM?!”

Sousuke was taken aback. He was well aware of the fact that he knew next to nothing about the softer sex. He began to realize just how much he didn’t know.

“Uhhh…. very clever….” Sousuke swallowed hard, thinking quickly. “Uhhh…. very beautiful….” He sat up. “Uhhh…. very understanding….” He hoped that last comment would gain him a reprieve.

Kaname glared at him for a moment, and then sighed. She relaxed, knowing that she had overreacted. He was not the only one who would have a lot of things to work on. “What am I going to do with you, Sousuke?” It was a rhetorical question. She smiled, thankful that she enjoyed challenges.

“I suppose, given your past tendencies and tenacity, anything that you want to.” Sousuke’s voice caught at the end, causing him to cough. His mouth felt somewhat dry.

Kaname grinned. She pushed the hair out of her face and looked Sousuke over, letting him know that she was doing just that. “That was a very good answer, Sousuke. There may be hope for you yet!” She picked up a pillow, and tossed it in a high arc, watching as it plummeted towards Sousuke.

“Perhaps,” Sousuke said, catching the pillow. “But, I wonder if the old Chinese curse might have some bearing.”

“Sousuke?” Kaname frowned. She was not a fan of Chinese curses, or anything else that might ruin the mood.

“‘Be careful what you wish for. It may come true’.” Sousuke was serious. He scratched his head, as if dealing with an impossible occurrence. “This is truly what you wished for?”

“Yes,” Kaname said. “I may be crazy…… but…… you’re the one I choose, Sousuke.” She looked somewhat shy for a moment. “You’re really something special, you know. Despite everything you’ve been through. But….” She tugged at her hair. “You would choose me on your own, wouldn’t you? You’re not just doing this to make me happy, are you?”

Sousuke nodded his head. “I would choose no other. Another Chinese expression says ‘May you live in interesting times’. To most, that is also a curse. But, to me, it is what I have been used to my entire life.” He brushed a pillow feather off of his school uniform. “My time in Tokyo has certainly been interesting.”

Kaname twitched. ‘Interesting’ was not the word that she would have chosen!

“I think that is enough Chinese sayings for now, Sousuke!” She smiled. “We have better things to discuss, right?” Her smile deepened, as she slid along the couch to lean against him again.

“Perhaps one more,” Sousuke said. He knew all too well that Kaname would get her ways in most things; but, he was not about to be ordered about like some raw recruit. “’A smile worth one thousand ounces of gold’.”

“Oh! I like that one.” Kaname took Sousuke’s arm and placed it around her waist. “But that is the absolute last one. No kidding!”

“Indeed. Did you know that there is a tragic story behind this proverb.” Sousuke looked down at kaname’s facing, catching a glimpse of her scowl. Good. She should know better than to make too many demands of a Specialist.

“In 780 B.C., Prince You of the Zhou State acquired a beautiful concubine named Bao Si, who unfortunately had a poker face. After many a frustrating attempts to wring a smile from her, a minister came up with an idea. He suggested that Prince You start the signal fire on Mount Li. The fire was supposed to be used to call for help from the armies stationed away from the capital city in case of an enemy attack. Troops of the tributary countries all rushed to Prince You's rescue. When they learned that it was only a joke, the generals and troops was at a loss, not knowing to cry or to laugh. Seeing the awkward expressions on their faces, Bao Si broke into a smile. Prince Zhou was so happy to see her smile that he awarded the minister with a thousand tael of gold. But the real price the prince had to pay later was his own life. When the real enemy attacked, he could no longer summon his armies with the signal fires, for they all thought that he was crying wolf. Consequently his state was ransacked and he himself succumbed to the enemy's sword.”

“Fascinating,” Kaname drawled. “I hope you get that kind of thing out of your system before our dates. As I was saying….”

“I take it that you will allow me to retain some of my own habits when we spend time together? There is no way I can change overnight, and would not expect that of you.” He tried to look nonchalant. “As the saying goes, ‘be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still’.”

“There… are… other… things… to… be… afraid… of… Sousuke!” Kaname slid her arm out and picked up the largest pillow within reach.

“Truly,” Sousuke nodded. “If that is how you wish to influence me. But, ‘Respect out of fear is never genuine; reverence out of respect is never false’. I hope that you can respect my differences.”

“I’m not looking for reverence, Sousuke. And there are things you should be worrying about besides respect. Big idiot! You’re in my world now….” Kaname tapped the pillow gently on the top of his head. “No… more… sayings…”

“I see. I am at a severe disadvantage, then. ‘A dragon will be teased by a shrimp in shoal water; a tiger will be bullied by a dog on a treeless plain’. I will need to make certain that our time together takes place in neutral territory.” Sousuke made it a point to rub his chin and look thoughtful.

“Sousuke!” Kaname turned around and drew the pillow back. “If you keep that up, I will teach you a lesson that you will never forget!”

“I welcome your instruction, Kaname. ‘A jade stone is useless before it is processed; a man is good-for-nothing until he is educated’.”

“SOUSUKE!!!”

“Kaname?” Sousuke couldn’t hide his grin any longer.

Realizing what Sousuke had been doing, Kaname couldn’t help but smile. There really was more to him that met the eye. That last proverb might be rather appropriate. What might he turn out to be, if he ever had a chance to live a normal life?

She reached over and gave the young soldier a quick hug. “I guess I will need to work on my temper some.”

“Yes.” Sousuke’s voice took on a more serious tone. “It is a hardship I am willing to endure.” He would use one last quotation. “‘Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one’.”

Kaname sighed, looking up at Sousuke. “One step at a time, I guess….”

Sousuke swallowed hard, following his instincts. He ran his hand over Kaname’s hair a number of times, amazed at its feel. Marvelling at his own audacity, he left his hand resting against her cheek.

“Affirmative.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

END

[Pyrite]

Eh, nice. Certainly a case of "People are from Earth, Sousuke is from Mars"...

Just two questions:

1.) I never noticed, but since when did Sousuke move on from "Chidori" to "Kaname"?
2.) Why would Sousuke know about the meaning behind Chinese proverbs? He has enough trouble with Japanese literature as it is already...

[Weltall Elite]

Heh heh. Either you are Chinese or you found a book on Chinese proverbs and couldn't resist the temptation, could you?

I also wondered where the switch came from. I was pretty sure he'd been calling her Chidori in the previous chapters.

Personally, I think Sousuke must have some idea of Kaname's feelings for him, given how he seems to be aware that she's going to get ticked off when Tessa comes into the picture, among other points. So I wonder if he'd be so painfully oblivious. Also, Kaname was taking quite a leap with this one. Actively pursuing Sousuke's affections seems like something Kaname would have a hard time doing, even if she did admit to herself that she loved him.

HOWEVER (since it probably seems like I'm nitpicking by now), if not for those suspensions of disbelief, we couldn't have had this story. So we went from me pulling out my hair and feeling really bad for Kaname (while laughing at her expense) on account of Sousuke's ignorance to having a touching finale that really dug into some of the more complicated issues surrounding their relationship. At first, I thought you'd try to dance around it, but you eventually talked about how Sousuke is NEEDED to pilot the Arbalast or else lots of people die. I think Sousuke's done a great job at managing to juggle both lives, but it can't go on forever, so I was glad to see a fic that addressed it. You didn't really resolve the issue outside of Kaname allowing him to continue going back and forth. But... I don't think you needed to. The fact that they were aware that it was a barrier to their relationship and that they would deal with it when it came up was sufficient for this story.

I loved Sousuke's rant on homosexuality. Probably politically incorrect, but the fact that he could take someone trying to suggest that he should ask a girl out and turn it into a Jihad declaration against evil bastards who rape little boys was damn funny. (now that I think about it, my sense of humor may be just a little twisted )

Before I read this chapter, I remember thinking that Kaname had basically gone through all that trouble for him and the only positive thing she got out of it was finding out that he looked at her butt. >_< Poor girl. Heavy cruiser. AHAHA!!

I liked it. While I felt there might be some minor OOC used for development, there was nothing that really clashed with me so it wasn't very significant. You seem to be pretty good at working character interactions. It makes their conversations feel very much alive and animated. Nice work.

[HELLFIRE]

A journey begins with a single step... and BOY does Sousuke need some MAJOR
help taking tha first step...

Cheers dd!













Regards