Anime Comedy Primer

[Gin Ryo no Nari]

Alright, forgive me but I looked and I just didn't see anything like this in the site.
I, in my ongoing quest to have more "local" friends into anime am bound and determined to expose them, to the JOY that is anime.
However, I've come to the conclusion to get the really good, fine and subtle humor, of Comedies specifically, my friends need a "primer" of sorts.
A list, if you will, of all the little jokes-that cause me laugh my butt off, but a non-fan or "newbie" would just stand there and looked confused about.
Anyone know of any?
(IE: The throbbing vein that gives rise to comments-"Why do they have a plus sign on their head?" Ah! That is anger my friend. Anger and frustration)

Points anyone?

[Taurec]

38. Law of Hydrostatic Emission

Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

In order to understand anime, one has to know it's laws.
http://www.abcb.com/laws/

[KiLlEr]

Mine is FAAAAAAAR more complete:


http://www.boomstickjoes.com/animerules.htm

[HELLFIRE]

If (my so-called) life were like anime:
---------------------------------------





- Hell hath no fury like a (16y/o) teenage girl in her prime

- Evil NEVER dies, or you just THINK it dies (till the next season)

- Love pops up in the darnded places

- Rei Ayanami-types never die, they just cross-over

- Property Destruction...always, Danger to Person...always,
Collateral Damage...accidents do happen

- Nabeshi = GDW = God

- Love is ALWAYS unrequited

- Singing is the solution to war.

- Cat girls never get cold, no matter how little they wear in 18 inches of snow

- The most pathetic, weakest, sissiest, pansy-assed little shit will always be the victor.

- Gainax is tripp'n on LSD

- If she is a babe than she will either be a) a slob b) a bitch or c) a clone of your mother.

- Bikinis, Sailor Fuku and Suits provide better protection than 5" of Titanium alloy.

- A Harisen is the ultimate weapon

- Cities can be rebuilt within days, no matter how much of it you demolished yesterday

- Your organisation's most closely guarded secret weapon... is not really closely guarded.

- Your boss is either some grumpy old sonovabitch, or a 16 year old girl.

- The sole purpose of the Military is Missile/Cannon fodder. Some random high-school student will always save the day instead.

- Japan has too many high schools.

- Your teacher is either a helpless wimp, or Superman's twin.

- God has a telephone

- If you have a parent or grandparent that hardly contacts you, chances are that they're building a super robot in their basement. (70's super robot shows)

- Courage alone can overcome technical problems like design flaws or critical damage to machinery (Gaogaiger, G Gundam)







- The Cult of Nabeshi would rank in the top 5 religions of the world!! *I can hear some people just
drooling over this one*

- Your future daughter would come back, catch you in a moment of immaturity, and tell you to your face:
"while you're trying to pick one of yesterdays stuffed animals, Darien's getting picked up today.
You can't be that thick, by Seori of course. you two are as different as chalk and cheese, and
I think she's way passed stuffed animals. You can't just cling to the idea Darien's love for you
will never die, didn't you see Seori? She's prettier, more sophisticated, smart, and much more
intelligent than you. I'd much rather have her for my mother if could choose, but I can't and the
biggest bummer is that I won't be born either, which will happen if you don't get your paws back
into Darien. Did any of that sink in past your hair?" *This is an exact quote, BTW*
*Sailor Moon SuperS

- Men are from Earth, Women are from Heaven. Doesn't take much to get them together...

- You'd take like 20 minutes to power up, during which that time your opponent could've left the
arena, gotten some snacks, had a shower, come back, and missed nothing
*Dragonball Z

- Local insurance rates would be in the stratosphere because the city's getting blown up one way
or another everyday.

- Instead of press releases, politicians would get up on the highest point they could find, strike
the Sailor Moon Pose, tell us why they are the forces of good, and end every speech with 'In the
name of *insert party name here*, we'll punish you!!' *hey, I'd find this more interesting than
daily question period*

- Sailor Uniforms would be mandatory at schools

- The school would get blown up and rebuilt daily
*Mamotte Shugogetten

- Some hot girl in slinky-tight clothes demands you call her Queen
*Sorcerer Hunters, Toshinden

- Avoid your Sweet 16, 'cuz us usually find out you have to commit patricide, retain your virginity,
fight demons, have magical powers, or some other dark family secret no one's bothered to even hint at.
*Devil Hunter Yohko, Ayashi no Ceres

- Getting and driving a mecha without any prior experience or qualifications would be a snap
*Evangelion, Dual

- You wouldn't have to be a police officer to perform a strip search, because your excuse is that
you HAVE to get home, and they're your only hope
*Those Who Hunt Elves

- Old family heirlooms would be a blast, 'cuz there might be a hot babe, a demon pet, or some
supernatural thing you have to beat that'll make you the local hero inside it

- Forget what it would be like to live with a divine girlfriend. Can you imagine what'd the schoolyard
talk would be between your kids? 'My mom can kick your mom 'cuz she's a Goddess First Class, Unlimited'
'Oh, yeah? My mom ruled Hell with my granddad before they were overthrown' 'Oh yeah? My mom knows the
secret to this mystical power that'll blow both your mom's away.' etc, etc, etc

- Even a simple peashooter would take like five minutes to fire, three quaters of that time for the shooter
to make some speech about the ammo he's using
*Final Fantasy Unlimited

- Now that you got a (divine) girlfriend, the in-laws move in. Younger sis beans you over the head
each time you try to make a move. Older sis rates you on your performance
*Oh My Goddess, Onegai Sensei

- Beware the quiet, neurotic types. They're usually the main characters in life

- Your importance in life is based on how badly injured you get. A scratch or two, you're the main
character. Die in like 30 seconds, well....too bad

- The girl you fight with the most is usually the one you're going to go out with.

- Daily transportation would never be a problem with the Naru Super Punch. Heck, NASA'd be out of
business already.

- Daily life would be juxtaposed with some cheap-drawn manga pages, especially in moments of high tension.

- Avoid all old men 'cuz they're nothing but panty-peeking, breast-fondling perverts

- Pissing off or standing up a girl is just as bad, even worse if she has magical powers. Hope your
insurance is paid up, pal....
*Urusei Yatsura, El Hazard OVA2

- People up to no good would have their laugh sound like the Jinnai/Naga laugh

- Bishonen, Bishojo and Chibi-Kawaii looks become the rule than the exception

- Americans would be act they way they always do, like complete and total egomaniacs, which leads to
their spectacular downfall in the end
*Battle Athletes, Silent Service, Gunsmith Cats

- Being able to switch between normal and SD perspective would be a nice ability

- you could switch between normal and subtitle audio tracks on the fly

- young-girl falsetto would actually SOUND like it was a young girl doing it

- 'Meglomanic' would be a recognized profession, and something to gin up your resume

- The existence of and travel between alternate worlds/universes would be commonplace

- If you're a young cute girl, you CAN'T fight, and rarely make any noteworthy contribution
*Variable Geo

- Perverted acts could be defended as 'fan service'

- You usually get a cool costume and ability if you're a guy...watch out of you got pecs the size of Canada

- You wouldn't have to worry about bullies, they usually tend to be big in the egomanic department, and short
in the brains/success department
*El Hazard, Hand Maid May

- You'd know some girl with the knack of making the most amusing faces when she's in complete shock
*Hand Maid May, Love Hina, Full Metal Panic

- ....Kleenex would have to switch over to super-duper-oversized towels to deal with her emotional
outbursts though

- Parents usually would settle marital disputes with heavy weaponary, a genius mind, and several overeager
assistants licenced with deadly-force weaponary
*Catgirl Nukunuku

- Need an instant family/sibling/girlfriend, make one
*My Dear Marie, Mighty Atom, Catgirl Nukunuku

- If you ever need to explain that strange girl in your room the next morning, she's ALWAYS your long-lost,
just-found-out sister. And you know what, people'd believe you.
*Princess Rouge

- You would NEVER have to change clothes, just yell, '<something silly here>, MAKE UP!!' and presto-change-o

- You run into some guy in a huge afro *who's name eludes me right now* alot. He may even extend that leg
of his in your direction and bitch about your performance

- You may die, but the 'Will of the Macrocosm' is usually there to resurrect you

- You have a good chance of being born into a family that leads secret lives as 'Protector of the Earth'

- You ALWAYS get your guy/girl, no matter what stupid things you do, or however good your rival(s) are

- Halfway thru your day, there'd be a cute intermission scene, often with the caption 'Not for sale or rent'

- Family disputes usually'd get settled by who's the toughest in martial arts *ahh, can you feel the love*
*Ranma 1/2, Fatal Fury, Ushio & Tora

- You have a family member who's 3 feet high and the neighborhood pervert
*Sailor Moon, Ranma 1/2

- You never get into a road accident, except that minor bump with the guardrail
*Initial D

- You ALWAYS make a good impression.....with the closest wall

- Some girl promises you her virginity in exchange for a small favor you can arrange for her
*Initial D

- Who needs airlines, just focus your energy and you'll fly like a birdie!
*Dragon Ball (Z)

- You always have lunch with your special one, regardless

- Giant transforming robots wouldn't be just toys *move over, Transformers*

- Be wary of tentacles and tentacle-like objects

- Sex toys 'can be used by both sexes' *ROTFLOL when I saw THIS subtitle*
*Stainless Night

- Mechanical love isn't taboo anymore.....extra points if she's slightly defective and got a bitchy attitude
*Video Girl Ai, El Hazard, Hand Maid May, Chobits

- Even though you may call them your brother/sister, they may not BE your brother/sister
*Love Hina Again, Sister Princess

- If you're female and have a split personality, when you meet face-to-face, you have to kiss her lips-to-lips

- Forget dominating the world. Hired help is always incompetent to the point of not being able to find their
face with both hands and a mirror
*Excel Saga, Sailor Moon (any)

- Careful not to piss the nerd off...he may have a Gundam-sized beam rifle within easy reach

- Your insurance policy lists a tank as your primary vehicle, with numerous road-rage incidents settled out
of court
*Those Who Hunt Elves

_ You're still battling your childhood nemesis after thirty years of on-and-off combat *ever heard of therapy??*
*Gundam/Z/ZZ/Char's

- Security during dangerous situations is ALWAYS lax

- You have the uncanny ability to speak at more than 50wpm, and people still actually understand you
*Excel Saga, Puni Puni Poemi

- You can change the world just by wishing for it

- Someone trying to take over or destroy the world/universe would be a daily occurence, but don't worry,
while your physicaly body would be destroyed, your soul wouldn't
*Project Ako VS

- Beware girls who ride mopeds and brandish guitars
*FLCL

- The solution to any problem would be to blow it up
*Dirty Pair (Flash)

- You'd have two life-long friends by your side who are bigger losers than you are (but don't know it)
*Dual, Eva

- you could get stuck with a wierd name like 'D'
*Project A-ko, Vampire Hunter D, Dual

- Never sign up for tournaments of any kind. There's usually an evil corporation/figure after your life
data, or some other ability of yours
*Toshinden, Street Fighter Zero, Dragon Drive, Variable Geo

- your coworker's more neurotic than you are, but never admits it
*Evangelion, Vandread

- You get the smackdown laid on you constantly by some girl, 'cuz:
a) you pissed her off inadvertenly despite noble intentions,
b) you're her hentai-ecchi boyfriend, or
c) you're a wimp

- Who you're going to marry should never be on your mind. You'll meet her in THE most unlikely of places,
at the MOST inopportune moments, in a VERY awkward way.
*I'm Gonna be an Angel, Ranma 1/2

- Your love life becomes a very interesting exercise in Euclidean geometry

- 6th grade was spent entirely in 'spin cycle' mode
*Child's Toy

- You're a professional soldier, trained in insertion techniques and keeping a low profile, yet you become
the center of attention at school
*Gundam Wing, Full Metal Panic

- The human body has an aerodynamic efficiency factor ten times more than the Concorde
*Love Hina, Dragon Ball (Z)


- Hair spray has gravity/wind/elements/general mayhem-defying ingredients added to it, and they actually work!

- Sheer/loose fitting clothing never falls off during strenuous activity, only during the inopportune moments
AFTER the strenuous activity
*Adv. of Kotetsu

- Clothing and other beauty products'd carry the tag "Can survive wind, rain, and 5,000,000GW deathrays"
*Puni Puni Poemi, Sailor Moon

- True love would be expressed with -- but NEVER moved beyond -- a shy smile, a chaste peck on the cheek,
or non-stop bickering at the end of the day *they NEVER show more than this ARRRGH!!!*

- The locals would be rendered shock-proof from wierd/out-of-place things like, say, those towers built
by the coast, unexplained daily mystical/paranormal activites, not-of-this-world animals and people
showing up regularly, and other wierd events that happen right after the new kid transferred into school

- Being able to break the speed of light -- not to mention a slew of city and municipal speed limits -- using
nothing more than simple muscle-power
*Puni Puni Poemi, Project A-ko, Catgirl NUkunuku

- Your emotional outbursts always happen in public, and never draw more attention than a few people wandering by
*Chobits

- Cross-dressing happens frequently and serves some other purpose than getting kicks out of it
*El Hazard, Sailor Moon SuperS

- Assaulting/severly injuring/killing someone for their incredible stupidity wouldn't be a crime
*Bush and Chretien tops my list right now*
*Excel Saga, Photon

- The plan to declare your love becomes an exercise in shedding your doubts -- will she understand my feelings, usually -- planning what you're going to say and when you're going to say it -- Christmas Eve seems to be the fashion -- then getting past the dramatic moment when it seems like it was all for naught

- Deities and Divines never have any problems with menial labor, and you know what, they actually enjoy doing it!!
*Oh My Goddess, Mamotte Shugogetten

- You aren't old enough to drink, yet you've been a hostage, peacemaker, (war)hero, top Tro-Con, etc. before the
age of 17

- questions about your sexuality/sexual preferences get glossed over, your gender changes, or they become
your immediate family member
*Sailor Moon

- The instant, guarenteed cure for immaturity would be to partner them with someone who's even more immature
*Dirty Pair Flash, Vandread

- Beware first kiss stealers
*El Hazard OVA2, Vandread 2nd

- You're ruthless as hell in everything, except when it comes to your own flesh & blood
*Catgirl Nukunuku, Spirited Away

- The Geneva Convention would require cooking be declared a weapon of mass destruction

- 'Nearsighted' doesn't even begin to describe someone's prescription
*Vandread, Love Hina, Sailor Moon

- Seniors (sempais) are older but rarely any wiser than you are

- Groups of friends numbering 5 usually means they're superheroes

- Daily face-making/stretching would be part of the routine



----------------



- Mace is the least of your worries as to what a woman keeps hidden in her purse -- oversized mallets, baseball bats, halisens and a strong right-arm are among the current favorites

- A woman's volitility is directly proportional to her beauty -- ie. the cuter she is, the more easily she's
pissed off
*Ranma 1/2, Love Hina, Full Metal Panic, Real Bout

- Life is never-ending self-referential(s) to other anime

- Between the ages of 16 and 19 is 'middle-age.' Anything over 20 is 'old'

- No matter how detrimental to their depth perception, guys ALWAYS have a cool-looking tuft of hair covering
one eye

- The smallest damage and/or explosion ALWAYS leads to catastrophic destruction in the end

- Computers and other electronic devices only come in an attractive female forms

- There's ALWAYS a sisterly/motherly figure to take you in for the night
*Pokemon, Belle & Sebastian

- It's easy getting an incredible, instant suntan from the amount of light/energy emitted by an object
*Mamotte Shugogetten, Dirty Pair Flash

- Your dream guy dresses in a Tuxedo and throws roses and (cheap) one-liners at your enemies
*hey, I wanted to BE Tuxedo Kamen/Mask back in high school*

- The only way to date a girl is to beat her in a martial arts fight

- As far out of this universe as they come, aliens look human

- Getting Pai-check'ed every five steps in life

- A generation of kids would be permanently on and/or addicted to Ridalin

- You'd have to fight with your (future) daughter over your (future) husband
*Sailor Moon R, Tenchi 2(m)

- "A dose of fanservice a day keeps the doctor away" -aka-
A healthy lifestyle includes a daily dose of fanservice
*wake me up when it's discovered this is true*

- Coffee cups and other daily acoutrements of life would bear the message 'Secret Call' every now and then

- Eurobeats are a MUST when driving over 60kph

- Bishonens must have a cool looking wound on their body

- Just when you thought martial arts fights couldn't get any wierder, you now have fights between waitresses
*Variable Geo

- You could thump down a person for mentioning ANYTHING related to:
1) your age
2) your physical attributes
3) remotely construed as having hentai pretentions

- your childhood friend will eventually get a crush on you come high school

- your hitpoints when it comes to bodily damage is directly proportional to your importance to the story

- WMD in anime include:
Haro-haro
Cute, airhead blondes
a Woman with a big gun and/or a bad temper
anyone under the mental age of 3
cooking

- Bras and panties are indestructable, especially to high-energy martial arts attacks

Good luck in the conversion process GinRyo And if you need a guide
to see how far they are in become true otaku, here's a handy rating scale
for ya

the path of an otaku:

gamma otaku *doesn't even rate*
-afternoon toonami, ytv and cartoon network are standard fare
-dubbed sailor moon and samuri pizza cats was the ultimate
-oh, so they're cartoons?
-four words, "well i do declare," in a southern belle drawl *ugh!*
-they're nothing but sex and violence

delta otaku *you still have a long way to go, grasshopper*
-alpha otaku's sent you to write a 3000wd essay on Evangelion
-your anime collection is 95%+ dubbed
-you bum your alpha otaku's anime cd collection to burn one week

beta otaku
-for the guys: you wish your girlfriend was divine, literally
-for the girls: you wish your boyfriend looked more like Kenshin
-you've actually sat down with someone and debated the twists and turns of Evangelion
-your anime collection's 80%+ on DivX CDs

alpha otaku *top of the heap*
-you throw in choice anime dialouge into your daily conversations like 'kawaii,' 'baka,' etc.
-your CD/DVD burner(s) is on permanent strike
-your ISP's monthly d/l limit is your average hourly bandwidth consumption
-you can say "I've watched all of Evangelion and still don't get it" with a straight face
-your monthly balance sheet reads consistently (near) zero

anime god *if you hit this level, it's the end of the world as we know it*
-you have every eps of Sazae-san *fyi, that's 1600+ eps last i checked* -or-
-you have every anime series ever done since 1917 *maybe earlier?*

Regards

[JelliCelli]

Man, those extensive listings pretty much kill this forum, don't they? LOL

[Gin Ryo no Nari]

Holy Crap Hellfire!

Thanks Taurec and KiLlEr!


I do have a question. RE: Beta Otaku-What if my rotation of anime boyfriends includes Kenshin? And dear sweet Sousuke of course whose been appearing nightly on my DVD player as of late. Am I elevated to a higher level?

*looks around for any listens for fwapping noises, before runnning away*

[PookaKitten]

I've got a suggestion, involving *gasp* official releases. I know ADV put pop ups explaining the jokes and references as a feature for several shows. I know for a fact they did it for Excel Saga and I'm fairly sure they did it for Azumanga Daioh. ADV calls them vidnotes and they're available in the setup menu somewhere.

They helped a lot for Excel Saga. Admittedly, for Excel Saga I used the dub track so I could keep up with Excel. (Remember that fast talking Micro Machines guy? That's Excel.) At times in that show there'll be so many pop ups (especially in the first episode or two) that you'll need to hit pause to read them all.

Samantha

[HELLFIRE]

@Gin Ryo
Rating scales were never meant to be taken literally












Regards

[Gin Ryo no Nari]

@Gin Ryo
Rating scales were never meant to be taken literally

Are you saying in a round about way I don't have a "Need to Know?"


There goes my dream. Living vicariously through fanfic and communities just isn't going to cut it.
*sigh*
Oh well.

[HELLFIRE]

How about just 'insert your choice of desireable male anime char here'
I don't need to know more than that








Regards

[Gin Ryo no Nari]

How about just 'insert your choice of desireable male anime char here'
I don't need to know more than that

*sigh*
Sousuke gives me warm fuzzies.
but he needs to get his butt in gear and
(since I'm still trying to figure out how to use the ECS and can't find it in the search query, or faqs. I know I saw how to once though... Grrrrr...)
Spoilers.
Be warned

[ecs]

SAVE KANAME. He needs to save her from the evil, evil man. (Ok not so much evil as open about his attraction but none the less)

[/ecs]

*starts singing Beck, "....I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?"*

ECS'ed? for educational purposes -T