A fan fic!

Ender_06 · Post by **Ender_06** » Fri Aug 11, 2006 6:57 pm

Hey I really dont post much on here, but I thought I should share this maybe. Note, there are things which I still need to change, like the SRT and what not (controlling systems on the mechs, etc...). I added characters to the story, (me, not mentioned yet, and two class mates, only ones been mentioned so far.)

Chapt 1
Here ya go:
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/37642672/
Currently writing chapt 2

And comment away if you have anything you want to crit on it.

Post by **Taurec** » Sat Aug 12, 2006 7:44 am

Nice to read liked the dialogs / interaction and the fight.
But I think Tessa would always salute back she's Captain even if clumsy.
Picking up a rifle from a US made AS I would think that the rifle won't fire I know the boys in the back room work on trigger authentication.
And while you are correct that the M9's and M7's are mechs .. in the FMP universe they are called AS I think you only mentioned "AS" 1x in the whole chapter...

a chap2 would be neat in the near future.

Oh and welcome ..

Ender_06 · Post by **Ender_06** » Sat Aug 12, 2006 5:57 pm

Thanks, and I'll change that, here when I have time. Lol. I didn't even notice I used mechs more than AS. That shall be changed too. I am curretnly working on a second chapter, but its slow going.

However on the picking up the rifle thing. I thought I remember (either here in the forums, or on a wiki page about armslaves) that the M9s can crack thoes locks.

Post by **Taurec** » Sun Aug 13, 2006 9:27 am

They can crack it but it takes a lot of time .. and you don't have a lot of it when bullets are headed your way.

HELLFIRE · Post by **HELLFIRE** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 5:06 pm

Interesting start... tho personally I think you overplayed Tessa's
clumsiness alittle. Interesting character interpretation of her, and I rather
liked how you played on her use of high heels to overcome her height shortcomings

Overall felt like I was reading a novel treatment of the TSR OVA

Regards

Ender_06 · Post by **Ender_06** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 9:57 pm

Any recomendations to help fix it?

Also I had begun this WAY before the OVA came out for FMP.

I edited chap 1 a bit (read the description) and there are also the beginnings of chapter 2. http://www.deviantart.com/view/38096368/

HELLFIRE · Post by **HELLFIRE** » Fri Aug 18, 2006 4:30 am

Nothing specific, mostly just my initial impressions to it so far.
Keep it up as long as you can!

Regards

Kentiah · Post by **Kentiah** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 5:22 pm

Just to throw it out, I'm pretty sure they have called them "mechs" once or twice, but it's really rare, they refer to them as arm slaves more.

Ender_06 · Post by **Ender_06** » Sat Sep 09, 2006 4:00 am

Edit Weeee deleted stuffs, and stuck it on dA. Heres the linky.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/40042013/

C&C PLEASE!

Ender_06 · Post by **Ender_06** » Fri Sep 22, 2006 3:52 pm

Anything?

Post by **Taurec** » Fri Sep 22, 2006 8:30 pm

<g> .. it's Sousuke ... not Souske

needs more action.... .

Ender_06 · Post by **Ender_06** » Sat Sep 23, 2006 3:51 am

its buildin, im not planning on this being a couple chapters long. Im thinkin like a novel or something.

Noted, and fixed.

Ender_06 · Post by **Ender_06** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 7:20 am

Update!

Revamped most of the story. chapters can be found here:

Ch 1
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/47278450/

Ch 2
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/47278903/

Ch 3
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/47278991/

Ch 4
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/47279120/

Wild Goose · Post by **Wild Goose** » Fri Jan 26, 2007 12:47 pm

W/regards to picking up weapons, the M9s can install drivers on the fly, as seen in TSR. (That's the best way I can describe it.) And it's a lot smoother than doing Windows XP driver installations.

It does take a fair bit of time, but if you're out of ammo, you'll grab somebody else's gun and pray you have enough time for the drivers to finish installing.

Ender_06 · Post by **Ender_06** » Fri Jan 26, 2007 2:47 pm

Is it installing drivers, or decrypting the security locks?