[FIC] Get It In Writing

[dd]

Characters: Kurz, Sousuke, and Kaname
Genre: Comedy
Warning: Spoilers present
Summary: Kaname had returned from the clutches of Amalgam. She and Sousuke had experessed their deepest feelings for one another. Kurz, having won a bet with the two, wants them to consumate their love. Oh yeh!

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The wind whistled through the chill streets.

In the night, those individuals brave enough or crazy enough to weather the storm held their coats tight to them.

Broken off from their tenuous grasp on gutters and overhangs, icicles flew about like tiny daggers, shattering when they struck at the snow-packed sidewalks and alleyways.

“It’s such a beautiful night,” Kurz said, his teeth chattering. Secluded in one of the few spots free from the icy gusts, he watched as his breath climbed towards the night sky in small white trails and clouds, before being swept from view by the relentless wind. “So cold outside. So nice and hot inside.”

The lanky young soldier was hardly a romantic at heart, even though he once had an appreciation for love before his erstwhile girlfriend ran off with her doctor, after he had spent most of his Mithril paychecks helping her fight her rare illness. Tonight, even more than most nights, he was a busybody. He was someone who knew what he wanted to happen, and couldn’t rest easy until it did.

“Oh yeh! There will be a warm fireplace with a bear skin rug in front.” Kurz blew on his frigid hands to no effect. He had to stay out of sight until the time was right, wanting to make sure than things went as planned. It would be just his luck for some kind of world crisis to occur, ruining things for him. “Nice warm blankets. Wine at room temperature. And a box full of condoms!”

He kept telling himself this was for them, not for him. He kept telling himself that no harm would come from his pushing things forward like this, despite Melissa’s stern warnings. Shivering when a stray gust of wind found just the right angle to reach him in his hideaway, he smiled remembering Tessa’s reaction:

Hey! Tesss-ss-s-a….

Sgt. Major Weber?

I took your advice. I decided to do something productive on my leave. No chasing skirts or doing shots.

Really? That’s great. I’m very proud of you.

I’m going to make sure Sousuke and Kaname get it over with and get-it-on big time!

E-e-p!

Tessa had fallen hard on her rump after that shocked utterance. Despite the efforts of nearly the entire crew of the Da Danaan, she sat glassy-eyes in the middle of the submarine corridor for an entire hour, before regaining her senses, straightening her blouse, and marching of in a mock dignified manner. Lucky for Kurz, Mao had been caught up in one of her weekly alcohol and cigarette binges, otherwise he might still be wearing an imprint of her boot sole on his buttock.

“They want this. They both know they do. It only took a little convincing to get them to agree!” Kurz’ words didn’t ring particularly true. But, that didn’t matter. The only audience he had was a dented garbage can, the cat hiding inside that trash bin, and the rime-covered brick and mortar that formed the walls nearby. “They’ll be thankful when they get it over with.”

Mithril’s best sniper had begun to see Kaname’s and Sousuke’s behavior as a personal affront. The two of them obviously loved one another. They had to have the hots for each other, too. But, despite all of his hints and cajoling, they continued to orbit around each other like planets.

“Heh heh heh. But I won the bet! And it wasn’t cheating.” Kurz reached down to scratch behind the hungry feline’s ears after the young cat stuck its head out. He smiled when he felt rather than heard its purring. If things went right tonight, the kitty wouldn’t be the only one doing that! “Sousuke should have checked the A-S. Maybe he should have gotten things in writing!” Picking the cat up in his arms, he thought back to the wager. He had badgered the two teenagers so incessantly, that they had agreed to the terms without thinking.

Oh yeh! A battle royal! Just like the one Mao and Tess-ssa had!

You have no chance of defeating me, even if we both used M9’s. This will be short range fighting. I will be in Laevatein.

That’s right! Sousuke’s going to mop the floor with you and I can’t wait! Maybe this will finally shut you up. Hmmmpppfff.

Kaname. Babe. I’m hurt. But… just remember… you two gave me your word.

Yes. I did. On my honor as a soldier.

“Tessa’s not the only genius onboard,” Kurz gloated. ‘You have to get busy,’ he had told them before the contest. ‘You have to do the most intimate thing possible!’ Showing class for once… and not wanting to freak them out so much that they backed out… he hadn’t been more specific than that. He didn’t need to. What could be more intimate than doing the deed… knocking boots… making the beast with two backs….

The fight hadn’t been memorable from a military standpoint, even though Kurz considered it one of the most epic encounters in the history of the world. He had won. He had triumphed without getting a single scratch on his Gernsback. He would have been terribly shocked if things had gone any other way, since he had parted with three cases of bear, a closet full of adult movies, and a stack of girlie magazines to be completely certain. With that hefty sum, he bribed one of the Mithril mechanics to remove all of the power couplings from Sousuke’s A-S.

“Uh huh. I’m good. I don’t know anyone else who could have done it.” Kurz couldn’t wait to gloat. If he never had his own success with Melissa Mao… and truth be told he probably never could bring himself to ravage a comrade even if she wanted him to… this would be the absolute next best thing. Either this, or Sousuke doing the horizontal mambo with a certain cute Captain. “Hah! I should have Sousuke and Ka-na-may call me Pimp Daddy Weber. Heh heh heh….” Maybe he should buy himself a rakish felt fedora!

Kurz caught sight of movement. Yes! It was them. They going to keep their word. An overwhelming sense of accomplishment and anticipation ran through him like an electric shock. Once his two friends had opened the door to the house he had rented, and had closed that door behind them, he put the cat down gently and trudged out into the accumulating snow. He had a couple of vantage points set up outside the home, with small viewports that wouldn’t be detected by anyone unsuspecting.

“Hey! It’s not like I’m a Peeping Tom or something….” Kurz knew the story of the man by that name, a voyeur who watched Lady Godiva ride and was struck blind. That wasn’t going to happen to him, since he didn’t derive sexual pleasure from observing other people. He merely wanted to make certain that things headed in the right direction. “I also need to choose the right music to keep things moving….”

He flipped a hidden latch and peered in through a fish-eye lens. It might be an old-fashioned method, but it was foolproof. It worked. And it couldn’t be scrambled or jammed. As he watched Sousuke remove Kaname’s coat for her and hang it up, he began whistling James Browns ‘Sex Machine.’ That might end up being the track he would access on the stereo player he had stashed inside a large ornate cupboard in the corner of the cozy living room.

“Good! Very good move, Sousuke.” Kurz was quite pleased. Not one with a penchant for alcohol, Sousuke had nonetheless reached for the wine bottle. “No… not like that… you’ll ruin the mood!” After showing the bottle to Kaname, who nodded her head, the scar-faced soldier pulled a narrow blade out from one boot and used it to remove the cork. “And you shouldn’t even be wearing boots tonight!”

Kurz frowned when a huge sheet of snow slid off the overhanging eaves, covering his head and shoulders and snaking its way inside his coat collar. Cursing under his breath, he relaxed when he saw Sousuke remove his military footwear. He smiled when Kaname followed suit.

“That’s it! Get nice and comfortable. Try the couch. It’s nice and soft. Or sit by the fireplace.” He was practically willing the two teenagers into action. “It might be nice to start of with a little cuddling or a kiss or two….” The two did indeed head for the couch. After seating themselves, Kaname lay her head on Sousuke’s shoulder. “Yeh. You can do it, guys!” He began humming the words to Silk’s ’Freak You’ when he saw Kaname pour them both a glass of wine. He had chosen an apply name vintage from the small and little known Australian Robyn Drayton Winery: ‘Foreplay’. He had chosen that over ‘Horny Tawny Port’ and ‘Orgasm in a Bottle.’ Judging by her lack of reaction, she didn’t read the label.

Kurz jumped. For a moment, he thought he had been discovered by some other fool who was braving the wintery night. He would have dropped a load in his drawers if it had been a police officer! But, the object he had felt brush up against his leg was a cat tail, courtesy of his new found feline friend. The hungry kitty had followed him across the street.

“Don’t do that!” Kurz shook a finger at the oblivious cat. “Naughty kitty!” By coincidence, that had been the name of a wine from a different winery. Brushing the snow from his hair, he opened another small door and pulled out a long wire. He placed a receiver in his ear and dialed up the perfect gain, intent on listening to the two lovebirds. He wasn’t about to leave his post until he was certain that things were well on their way.

The winds continued to howl. The precipitation seemed endless. As he stood watching and listening, his fingers grew numb, his lips turned blue, and the snow formed drifts around him. There was no place he would rather be! Teeth chattering worse than before, he felt his pulse race as Sousuke and Kaname shared increasingly romantic moments. When Sousuke unbuttoned his shirt half-way and Kaname did that trick girls do… removing her bra without taking off her shirt… he began singing the first song that came to mind.

“You take my body… I give you heat… You say you’re hungry….I give you meat….” Queen. ‘Get Down Make Love’. He would have loved to see the look on their faces if he had cued the mp3 file for that tune! “I suck your mind… You blow my head…Make love…Inside your bed…Everybody get down make love…Get down make love… Get down make love… Get down make lo-oh-oh-oh-ove….”

He could hear the music inside his mind. He tapped his toe to the rhythm as Sousuke and Kaname moved from leaning against one another… to snuggling… to caressing… and then kissing.

“Come on Sousuke! Don’t forget the groping!” Kurz bit his lip, realizing he had been watching for far too long. He closed his small porthole and blew on his hands again. He left the earplug in a while longer, as he tried to think of the song he would set playing. It would be preceded by a short pre-recorded message he made, one saying ‘I wish I could be there with you two. But, this is your private special moment. Let this song be a reminder for what you promised to do. You can thank me later.’

Should he play something classic like Margin Gaye’s ‘Let’s Get It On’? Something old and smooth and old like Donna Summer’s ‘Love to Love You Baby?’ How about something hardcore like Warren G’s ‘G-spot’? No. If he was going to do something that rude, he might as well play Wasp’s ‘Animal (F-ck Like A Beast),’ and that one probably wouldn’t go over too well. He decided against the Beatle’s ‘Why Don’t We Do It In The Middle Of The Road,’ too.

“OK. That’s the one. Nothing I like personally….” He took a control box out of his pocket and flipped a switch. When he heard the message followed by the music, he took out his receiver and let if fall lost in the snow. “But… the lyrics ought to do….” Color Me Badd. A 90’s male R&B vocal group that had 5 U.S. hit singles from their debut album C.M.B. throughout 1991 and 1992, including ‘I Wanna Sex You Up’ which reached number 2 in America, and went to number 1 on the UK Singles Charts.

Feeling strangely superstitious, he dialed up the same song on the I-pod he had used to make his set-list and set it paying, unable to feel the ear-buds he had inserted in his frozen ears. He began singing the words loudly, as he headed off towards the nearest Mithril safe house.

“Come inside… Take off your coat… I'll make you feel at home. Now let's pour a glass of wine… 'Cause now we're all alone….” The SRT pilot wasn’t a crooner of Elvis Presley or Tom Jones proportions. But, before he became a gun for hire, he had aspirations of becoming a professional blues player, and he could sing and play the guitar quite well. For a moment, his thoughts diverged, as he remembered how he had entertained the ersatz hostage Jindai High students aboard the Pacific Chrysalis with his rendition of ‘Take me out Mariana Trench.’ But, you can’t please everyone. After he had started singing, the cat that once seemed destined to be his new shadow took off lickity split, running in the opposite direction. “…I've been waiting for you girl… Just let me hold you close to me…'Cause I've been dyin' for you girl…To make love to me….”

Reaching the small ex-hotel situated on a row of old run-down apartments, Kurz kept singing as he waved at the security camera and punched ‘B-3127’ onto a keypad that extended out of a concealed panel. “Girl, you make me feel real good…We can do it 'til we both wake up….” Stepping indoors, he absentmindedly waved to a grizzled old veteran Intel officer watching an old TV set and blew a kiss to the middle-aged woman he referred to as ‘Horse Face’ when she was out of earshot. “Girl, you know I'm hooked on you…And this is what I'll do….” He grabbed a fresh towel out of the linen hamper, deciding he could use a nice warm shower before calling it a night. Here on leave instead of assignment, he didn't need to burn the midnight oil. It would be wise to catch some shut-eye, if his residual adrenalin rush would let him.

“I wanna sex you up... All night….” He belted out the words as if he was singing for his life, or trying to do his best to win at American Idol. Melissa and Tessa loved that show. He had a sneaking suspicion that dour Commander Mardukas was a closet fan, too. He himself detested the thing. “You make me feel real good… I wanna rub you down… I wanna sex you up….”

Walking into the Men’s locker room, he bean peeling off his clothing. “Let me take off all your clothes….We'll disconnect the phone so nobody knows….” As he started the hot water going, he grinned, wondering what Sousuke and Kaname were doing at that very moment. He hoped it was X-rated. By the time he shook off his daydream, the mirrors had all fogged up. He resumed singing without missing a beat. “Let me light a candle, so that we can make it better… Makin' love until we drown….” He gargled with some water and then spat it out. There was blood in his mouth from when he bit his lip. “Girl, you know it feels real good… We can do it 'til we both wake up….” He lathered himself with foamy soap, covered from head to toe with filmy bubbles. “Girl, you know I'm hooked on you… And this is what I'll do.” Someone had actually left a luffa in the shower stall. Picking it up, Kurz held the dried subtropical vine fruit as if it were a microphone. “Chorus time! Oh yeh! Make sweet lovin' all night long... I wanna sex you up… Feels so right it can't be wrong... Don't be shy girl rescue me... I wanna sex you up… Open up your heart and I'll set you free.”

That’s right. Kurz Weber was a hero. He had set Sousuke Sagara and Kaname free. Free to explore their love. Free to explore their bodies. Free to shag like minks in heat. He smirked, thinking of the Austin Powers movies. Naturally, he didn’t realize that he often came off just as cartoonish as that fictional spy.

“Those two will probably have a late night,” the tired soldier said as he later threw himself on his bed. “Not me. I need to get some sleep… so I can wake up bright and early… head back to the house… bang on the door… and find out what happened!” Chuckling, he fell fast asleep.

The next morning when he slid out from between the sheets, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, ate a couple of pieces of stale toast and more than his share of the remaining eggs, and then hurried to get dressed. He felt a wave of nostalgia washing over him as he strung his boots. He knew that feeling. He had felt something similar as a child, each Christmas morning, just before his presents let him run off to the pile of presents sitting under the tree, a custom they brought with them to Edogawa.

“I hope Sousuke had fun unwrapping his present last night!” He pictured Kaname in a skimpy negligee, even though he doubted she owned anything resembling lingerie. Hey, it didn’t cost him anything to dream! “And I hope Kaname enjoyed Sousuke’s tree… heh heh heh….” Walking past a mirror, he stopped and posed, taking a good long look at himself. Yes. The same handsome devil. The same man among men. Not only could he visualize the path of a bullet, but he could also predict the path of two hearts. “I bet the holiday came early this year. Alright!”

Before heading out the door into the snowy city, he slipped on a down-stuffed parka and swung a scarf around his neck. Giving the bleary eyed radio operator a jaunty two finger salute, he let a chill blast of air into the front room as he made his way outside. Snow crunching under his feet, he retraced his footsteps from the night before. As he made his way along an unshoveled sidewalk, he recalled the one reason he hated winter. The woman were all bundled up, their figures hidden beneath layer and layer of clothes.

“Mmmm, mm mm mm mm mmmm mm… We can do it 'til we both wake up. Mmmm, mm mm mm mm mm mm… And this is what I'll do.…” He waved at a number of young women, all of whom turned their noses up at him, or quickly hurried out of sight. He shrugged. There were stuck up babes everywhere he went, or so it seemed. “I wanna rub you down….” He said that pointing at one shocked woman. “I wanna sex you up….” He grinned when one elderly woman dropped her bag of groceries. He offered to help her pick it up, but she swatted at his hand. “All night. Mmmm mm mm mm mm… girl I want it… mmmm mm….” He smiled when a couple of teenage girls started giggling. “I wanna rub you down…I wanna sex you up….” He swallowed hard and took off at a quicker pace when a rather girlish man waved at him and gave him a wink.

Passing by a coffee shop he stopped, slid a few steps back without lifting his feet, and opened the door, causing a hanging bell to ring. If he was going to wake the two lovers from their peaceful embrace, it was only fair he brought something nice to start their day. Paying the portly gentleman behind the counter and leaving behind the chance, he left the shop carrying a bag of yatsuhashi, duomo macha azuki, and Japanese style croissants in one hand, cradling a cardboard drink-holder with three cups of steaming java against his chest.

Eventually he found himself standing at the front door of the rented house. Placing the bag at his feet, he began banging loudly. “Mmmm mm mm mm mm….” The strength of his blows caused a small door decoration to swing back and forth like a pendulum. “Time to get up, sleepy heads, there’s a day to enjoys and stories to tell….” His knuckles actually began to sting as he rapped with forceful blows. “Come on guys, it’s cold out here. Don’t make me huff, puff, and blow the door up!” He slipped a hand inside the pastry bag, put a flaky bit of heaven in his mouth, and began eating hands-free while he played a rhythm on the door with both hands.

“Oh. It’s you. Why are you here so early.” The door had opened abruptly. Sousuke was standing there with a wary look in his eyes, Glock in hand. He lowed the gun when Kurz pushed his way past. He cocked his head. “You are here to check on us? You do not trust us to keep our word?”

“Of course not,” Kurz slammed Sousuke hard on the back in congratulatory fashion. He eyed his fellow soldier critically, disappointed to see him dressed in his Mithril uniform. He had hoped to find Sousuke half naked, dressed in pajamas, or draped with a bathrobe. But, he knew Sousuke. No doubt he had been up for hours, leaving Kaname to get more shut-eye. “I thought you guys could use a good breakfast.” He grinned a shit-eating grin. “And I wanted to hear how things went.” Something was different about the way the younger man looked today. He didn’t take the time to try and figure it out. He was too preoccupied. “Sooo-oo-o… how was it….”

“It went very well,” Sousuke answered, rubbing his hand through his hair. “In fact… if what Kaname told me was true… things could not possible have gone better….” He turned to catch sight of himself in an old ornate mirror and nodded his head.

“Really?” Kurz’ eyes widened. He rubbed his hands together. “Great! Good! Give me all the details!” He took out another pastry and began chewing quicker and quicker, unaware that he had done so. He quickly downed some hot coffee, ignoring his scalded tongue.

“There really isn’t much to tell,” Sousuke said in his usual dead-pan manner. “Things went exactly the way one might expect them to go. No doubt, you have more experience than me.” He eyed Kurz critically, looking at his hair-framed face. “Then again, perhaps you have these types of experiences less frequently than I do now.”

“What?” Kurz was taken aback for a moment, his pride making an appearance. Sousuke and Kaname spent one night together, and already the rookie was feeling the need to brag up a lady’s man like Kurz Weber? His trademark smile reappeared and he slapped Sousuke hard between the shoulder blades again. “That’s the spirit! You wild man! Ka-na-may must be one happy lady!”

“Sousuke… what’s all the racket….” Kaname walked out of the far doorway, half-asleep, rubbing her eyes. “Oh… it’s him….” She had caught sight of Kurz. She quickly pulled the lapels of her pajama top closer together.

“Kaname… babe… you look worn out….” Kurz didn’t try to sneak a look at the Whispered girl’s fetching cleavage. His memories of Khanka, and the beating he had gotten from her after she had torn her clothes and he took opportunity to peak, were still fresh in his mind after all this time. “I guess you have Sergeant Sledgehammer here to thank for that.”

“Huh?” Kaname made a cross face. “Whatever. Actually….” She pushed the hair out of her face. “…I was the one who did all the work.” She gave Sousuke a quick once-over and smiled. “He could pay a lot of money, and not get something that good!” She was practically preening.

“You too?” Kurz was ecstatic. Not only had he succeeded, but the two of them were happy. They were proud of themselves. Mao might still complain that his hand to hand skills were worse than a street punk’s. Let her! His talent as a master of love was unmatched! “Hah! I told you you’d like it! I knew you’d be thanking me!” He stopped to peruse the room. He was somewhat disappointed again, not finding a pair of shorts thrown over here or a brassiere hanging over there. “So… what did the trick….” He held the bag and the coffee up for his two friends. Sousuke took a black coffee and Kaname began rummaging through the bag. “Was it the nice warm fire? The wine? The rug?” He thought a moment. “The music?”

“Well….” Kaname nibbled on a croissant, sending a small shower of pastry flakes onto the tops of her bare feet. “You won the bet… so we had to follow through….” She shrugged after taking another bite. Swallowing, she added. “We would have done it without all that stuff.”

“Kaname said I needed it,” Sousuke added matter-of-factly. “While I am not one to take notice of such things, I trust her word.” He thought back to a memorable night in the past, not long before Mithril had told him that his mission in Tokyo was over, and he was never to see Kaname again. “I suppose the wine may have helped. In the past, I was suspicious and uptight about such matters. This time, however, I was totally relaxed.” He exchanged a knowing glance with Kaname. The two of them had spoken about Kurz and his efforts before they each went to bed.

“But… I should add one thing….” Kaname suddenly sounded very stern. She waked over and took a large bag off of a door handle and slung the long strap over one shoulder. “I really enjoyed last night. I’m pretty sure that Sousuke did, too.” She nodded her head at Sousuke. “But… it wasn’t as nice as it could have been…. since we were forced….” She unzipped the carrying case.

“Hey! Wait!” Kurz held up both hands, feeling like his triumphant moment was turning to fool’s gold in his hands. “I didn’t force you guys to do anything. We had a bet. I won and you two lost.”

“It is merely a matter of semantics,” Sousuke remarked, walking across the room to stand behind the other SRT member. “It is the spirit of the matter that counts.”

Those words came close to extinguishing Kurz’ joy. What Kaname said first finished the job. “And… actually… it wasn’t the first time we did that….” She smiled when she saw Kurz’ jaw fall open. She knew what he was thinking. They had a bit of a surprise for him. “It really is the most intimate thing I can imagine.”

“I agree,” Sousuke added. “I will also add that there are a number of people aboard Da Danaan who think that you need such a thing far more than I ever did.” Her paused, adding drama to the moment. “That is why Kaname is willing to do something similar for you.” There wasn’t a single shred of jealousy or rancor in his voice.

“That’s right!” Kaname gave Kurz an enthusiastic ‘V’ sign. “With you… it won’t be intimate. But… it will get the job done….”

“What?” Kurz took a step back when Kaname began walking towards him, swinging the bag this way and that. “Wait a minute, babe….” While he had dreamed about Kaname on more than one occasion, he would never really and truly want to do the deed with her. He might be a persistent pursuer of the fairer sex, but he knew where to draw the line. “…I’m flattered… really, I am… but….”

“I remember what you said onboard,” Sousuke stated. “It was right before I accepted the wager. I am certain that Kaname remembers, as well.” He watched as Kaname took out a small towel from the bag and slung it over her shoulder. She reached back inside again. “You said ‘Sousuke… don’t worry about the stakes… you’ll be the winner one way or another. I only wish it were me instead of you’.”

“Now I know how Melissa must feel.” Kaname shivered, remembering all too well how Kurz had no qualms about telling Mao about his sexual feelings for her. She held up two items: a pair of scissors and a large comb.

“Why do you….” Kurz was puzzled by the two haircutting implements. Looking at Sousuke, he realized what he had been too wound up earlier to notice. His hair was shorter and neatly groomed. “Sousuke… you’ve had a haircut….” His mind was almost there. The answer was within his grasp, but his own personal preferences kept him from making the connection yet. “Did Kaname say you had to do that before she would jump your bones?”

“Negative,” Sousuke replied. He swallowed hard, thinking what Kurz’ words meant and looking at Kaname out of the corner of his eye. “She did not give me any orders or ultimatum.”

“And no one jumped anyone’s bones!” Kaname stomped her foot. Anger flashing in her pretty eyes, she came close to stabbing herself with the scissors tip. “I know what you must have thought. Both Sousuke and I knew what you were trying to get us to do.” She set her jaw and put the two items down until she had better control of her temper. “That’s our business, not yours. You… you… you….”

“I believe the word you are looking for is ‘pervert’,” Sousuke offered helpfully. The night before it had been pervert-this and pervert-that when the two of them discussed the bet and their moral obligations. Those, and other more colorful descriptors. “After Kaname and I enjoyed one another’s company, she made the evening complete by giving me a haircut once again.”

“Haircut?” Now it was Kurz who felt his bile rising. “Did you mean ‘haircut… and only haircut’?” He felt frozen in place, as if someone had dumped a large vat of liquid nitrogen over his entire body. “But… but… but. You two promised!”

“We did just what you said,“ Kaname said with toss of her hair, feeling somewhat defensive. She and Sousuke knew quite well what the spirit of Kurz’ wager had been. But, the two of them had decided to focus on his choice of words to justify their actions. Changing her voice, she did her best to imitate the lanky soldier’s voice and body mannerisms. “You have to get busy. You have to do the most intimate thing possible.” She switched back to her normal voice. “We did. Maybe you just can’t understand. For Sousuke and me, nothing could have been more intimate than that haircut.”

“Affirmative.” Sousuke stood with his legs apart, arms behind his back. It did not look like he was joking or putting up a front.

“I… you….” Kurz was flabbergasted. After all of his hard work… after all that scheming and dreaming… this! “Hey! Hold on! Gotcha!” He struck his most magnificent pose and pointed his finger at Kaname. “You brought it up yourself. I told you that you had to get busy. Everyone knows what I mean by that….”

“You didn’t specify,” Kaname said, as if that fact would be binding in a court of law or the court of public opinion. “It’s not our fault that everything you say means ‘hump anything and everything that won’t move away’.” She had heard Melissa use that phrase in connection with her blonde squadmate. “People take that kind of thing at face value!” She looked over at Sousuke. “It’s time….”

“I’m sorry, Kaname. I understand that you are angry, but I will not restrain him.” Sousuke truly did look apologetic. “He’s my friend and my team member. We cannot force him to do this. It was not part of the bet, and he was the victor in our battle.” He took a deep breath and let it out, hoping that Kaname wouldn’t get too furious at him. In any case, he had told her the same thing last night. Then, it had been her making assumptions, thinking he would want the same thing that she did. “But… he did say he wished it were him instead of me… so you might see if he will volunteer.”

“Huh? How about somebody clue poor old Kurz in.” Kurz felt a chill go up and down his back. Taking another step back, he almost kicked over the forgotten coffee cups.

“I really appreciate the efforts you made,” Kaname said with a falsely sweet smile. She didn’t add the conclusion of her thought, which was ‘to intrude in our lives and live out your sicko fantasies’. “It must have taken a lot of time to put it all together. So….” Flexing her fingers, she made the scissors go ‘snip snip snip’. “…I’m willing to take the time and give you a nice haircut.” Looking at Kurz’ mullet-like mane, she felt much the way Delilah must have felt eyeing Samson’s famous mop of hair.

“….” A rare event transpired. Kurz was totally and absolutely speechless for a few moments. “….” His mouth worked like that of a fish out of water, but no words came out.

“I think a military length cut like mine would make you look professional,” Sousuke offered by way of encouragement. He didn’t harbor the same resentment that Kaname did. The fire had been warm. The wine had been soothing. He had spent a pleasant evening with someone he loved.

“….” Kurz’ eyes regained focus. “No… f-cking… way….” He folded his arms against his chest and shook his head. “Not… one… single… snip….” He frowned, finding it hard to believe that all of his aspirations for those two lay in a tattered heap at his feet. “I trusted you guys….” He could practically hear the ghost of Mao’s laughter.

“Hey! Don’t blame us for your slip up!” Kaname didn’t feel a single ounce of pity for the pretty boy mercenary. “You left us an opening, and we took it!”

“Correct,” Sousuke added. “Our decision was tactically and strategically sound. You should appreciate that. When an enemy gives you a clear shot, you take it.” He coughed, thinking back to hard lessons that he had learned throughout his life. “If there is a next time, I have a suggestion for you.”

“And that is?” Kurz rolled his eyes, making a face. His tone of voice was exceptionally sour. His frown deepened when the blue-haired girl lay her cutting tools down, walked over to but her hand at the small of his back, and began pushing him towards the exit.

“Get it in writing!” Kaname opened the door and sent Kurz stumbling outside.

END

[Taurec]

ROTFL .... I think you left out Voluptuous Verdelho

Oh man, you make it so easy to visualize the story. It easily could have been an episode of the next fumoffu season.

[Anonz]

oh wow, I love that orbiting visual
I just saw a movie called "cosmic collisions" and so now I'm picturing Kaname and Sousuke flying at eachother in space, glancing off eachother's gravitational pull, and then flying at eachother again.

You'd wish you were me right now, it's an incredibly funny mental image.

[Raspberry]

Mmmmmmmmmm

[Anonz]

Mmmmmmmmmm

hmm, that is a very interesting response
you could be saying that you liked the fic, BUT you could also be saying that you are hungry!

[KiLlEr]

Either that or Raspberry was bound, gagged, and abducted with only a laptop, a wireless internet connection and voice recognition software available.

[Raspberry]

Either that or Raspberry was bound, gagged, and abducted with only a laptop, a wireless internet connection and voice recognition software available.

How I wish it was true

Haha, before I tell you what I ment, I'd like to hear more of your suggestions;)

[Anonz]

you turned into Frankenstein?