For the love of pun

[KiLlEr]

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

[Taurec]

Bwahaha puns are fun.

[Raspberry]

Haha, funny indeed ^^

But I must say that sometimes it is required to be a native speaker to get it ^^:

[Taurec]

But I must say that sometimes it is required to be a native speaker to get it ^^:

That is your opunion.


Q: How do car dealers in Texas greet each other?

A: "Audi, pardner!"

[Chief Petty Officer Klerk]

But I must say that sometimes it is required to be a native speaker to get it ^^:

That is your opunion.


Q: How do car dealers in Texas greet each other?

A: "Audi, pardner!"

That one was painful Tau...

/me tosses Tau into a vat of RAW Nazgal socks!

[KiLlEr]

Thats wasn't sooo bad................


A man bough a brand new Mercedes CLK and took it out to a mountain road to test it. The road was really curvy and when he came around a blind turn doing well over 100 MPH, he swerved to avoid hitting a deer. Unfortunately for him, he went into a large pine tree and promptly wrapped the car completely around it. He was crushed instantly. When the emergency units arrived at the scene, they saw there was nothing they can do. The police officer looked sadly at the paramedic and said, "Oh well, I guess thats the way a mercedes benz"


or how about:


2 men walked into a bar......... the third one ducked.

[Taurec]

ACK!

Once upon a time, there lived a peaceful race of little people called Trids. They lived in an isolated, fertile valley wherein they grew an incredible annual crop of corn, on which they primarily subsisted. For many generations, the Trids lived in happiness and serenity, having no contact with, or knowledge of, the outside world. The only other intelligent being that the Trids were even aware of was the singular giant, of a greenish hue, who lived in a huge castle at the crest of the valley. The Trids had no direct contact with the giant; but from their quaint hamlet on the valley floor, they could see him leave the castle each morning and return each night.

One terrible year, early in the season, there came a killing frost. Most of the corn crop was destroyed. Then winter arrived, earlier and fiercer than any living Trid could remember. The entire Trid hamlet was buried deeply in snow.

With no corn to make their corn chowder and corn dogs, the threat of famine loomed. The town elders got together to discuss the problem and formulate a plan. They decided to send the hardiest of the town's young men up and out of the valley to seek help from the greenish giant.

So it was then that the young Trids dressed warmly and sturdily against the weather and their long climb. Up they went along the trails at the foot of the valley walls, then the steeper foothills and finally they dragged themselves up the nearly perpendicular cliffs to the very top. Cold and weary, they approached the towering door of the huge castle.

With trepidation yet with a courage born of desperation, the leader of the young Trids reached out and knocked loudly upon the door.

From deep within the castle they heard the sounds of massive footsteps, echoing through the massive structure, slowly approaching the door. Boom... Boom... Boom... Boom...

Finally, with an almost deafening creak, the door opened and there stood the giant of greenish hue.

The leader of the young Trids cleared his throat and spoke as loudly and confidently as he could. "O Giant, we are the Trids of the valley below. Our crop of corn has been destroyed by the early and severe winter. We beg of you to help us, O Giant."

The giant stared silently. Finally, after long moments, he slowly drew back a mighty boot and delivered a thundering kick to the young Trids, sending them flying backwards and over the edge of the valley. Down tumbled the young Trids, down the cliffs, down the foothills, down the trails, to roll broken and bruised into the deep snow of the valley floor. The older Trids, who had been waiting for good news, quickly bundled the wounded young men off to the doctors and nurses in the hamlet.

While the young Trids were being treated, the Trid elders reconvened to discuss their next move. Before the meeting could begin, however, the sound of hooves was heard clopping along the main thoroughfare. The elder Trids looked out to see a hooded figure ride up before the town meeting hall on a great black horse. The figure dismounted, tied off his horse and entered the hall.

Once inside, the figure pulled back his hood, revealing an older, white-haired and bearded man. "Greetings, friends," he said. "I am Rabbi Rabinowitz and I have traveled a long way. May I share your hot fire and a warm meal."

The eldest of the elder Trids stepped forward. "Greetings, Rabbi," he said. "We are delighted to share our fire, but, alas, we have no food to share." And he then told the Rabbi the entire sad story of the killer frost, the bitter winter and the less-than-helpful giant.

"Allow me, then," said the Rabbi, "to approach the giant myself and seek both a meal for myself and aid for you unfortunate folk."

"Good luck," said the elder Trid dubiously.

And so the Rabbi Rabinowitz rode his great black stallion up the trails and foothills and along long steep paths up the cliffs and, after a long and arduous time, found himself at the castle door. He dismounted and, shivering with both the cold and nervousness, knocked loudly on the door. From deep within the castle they heard the sounds of massive footsteps, echoing through the massive structure, slowly approaching the door. Boom... Boom... Boom... Boom...

The door opened, revealing the dour giant of greenish hue.

The Rabbi coughed. "O Giant," he said quickly. "I am Rabbi Rabinowitz and I have traveled a long way. May I share your hot fire and a warm meal."

The giant broke into a giant smile. "But, of course, Rabbi," he said. "Bring your horse around to the stable. Feed and water him, and then join me at my table."

Nonplussed, the rabbi did as he was asked. When he reached the giant's table, he found a veritable feast of meats and vegetables and bread and wine and many pies and rich coffee. The starving rabbi dug in furiously, much to the giant's delight, and it was many minutes before he took a momentary break and was able to speak.

"Many thanks, my giant friend," he said. "This is a wonderful feast. I haven't eaten this well in months. However, not to appear ungrateful, I must ask a question."

"Ask away," the greenish giant replied easily.

"The unfortunate little Trids from the valley visited here earlier, I was told. They are starving and miserable and came to you looking for aid. They said that you merely kicked them back down into the valley."

"That is true," the giant nodded.

"And yet you welcomed me with open arms, giving me food and drink and shelter! Why, giant? Why did you not kick me down into the valley?"

The giant leaned back and laughed heartily for many minutes. Finally, he looked down at his guest and said, "Silly rabbi! Kicks are for Trids!"

[Raspberry]

That is your opunion.

Ha-ha, VERY funny ><

[Chief Petty Officer Klerk]

very punny...

[HELLFIRE]

I needed that... thanks




Regards